


We take a way back for a better future

by littlefandom



Series: The drive of life [2]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Human, Angst, Anxiety, Choices, Communication, Depression, Drinking to Cope, Driving, Established Relationship, F/F, F/M, Family Bonding, Family Drama, Fluff, Future, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Insecure Alec Lightwood, Law Student Alec Lightwood, Legal Drama, M/M, Memories, Mental Health Issues, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, Past Abuse, Past Relationship(s), Plans For The Future, Protective Jace Wayland, Recovery, Scientist Magnus Bane, Sequel, Smut, Supportive Isabelle Lightwood, Trust Issues, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Worried Magnus Bane
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-04
Updated: 2020-07-13
Packaged: 2021-01-23 01:34:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 34
Words: 255,586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21311977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlefandom/pseuds/littlefandom
Summary: Life can be tough, and that’s something both Alec and Magnus know. Just when they think that everything has settled after the demanding events they’ve been through, new troubles come crashing down on them. They are forced to face the demons of their past, new choices await them and this time, they may be even more difficult to make. The future is in their hands, and it’s up to them to decide how they are going to shape it. The only thing they know for sure, is that they'll do it together.A sequel to “We only see as far as the headlights”.
Relationships: Clary Fray/Jace Wayland, Helen Blackthorn/Aline Penhallow, Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Simon Lewis/Isabelle Lightwood
Series: The drive of life [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1535108
Comments: 695
Kudos: 359





	1. The Surprise

**Author's Note:**

> And... we're back! The wait wasn't so long ;) If you've been following me for a while now, thank you so much for coming back to this story! And if you're new reader, thank you for clicking on this fic and I adivse you to read the first part ["We only see as far as the headlights"](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17988056/chapters/42491621), before starting here. This fic is a sequel to it and won't make sense without reading the first part. What can you expect here? Well, malec will face some hard choices, parts of their pasts will come to haunt them… but they will get through this, right? WARNINGS: as always will be stated in the tags and detailed here, in the author's note. I also will be updating them further on. For today: mentions of depression. This chapter is a bit of an introducion into malec's life now. There is a time jump: around 2 months after the events of the epilogue, which makes it 6 months after the main events of "We only see as far as the headlights".  
Thank you so much for following along!
> 
> You can post your reactions under #TDOLfic on twitter (from the name of the series "The drive of life", because I always come up with the longest titles for these fics and they don't make nice #) And if you're reading the first part of the series, you can also tweet your thoughts there! 
> 
> [Here](https://open.spotify.com/user/moniad1801/playlist/54beQgmmYje7GghnJOkA7t?si=SalGJmJwSOmDX0BrlgnffA) is a link for my playlist for this fic, to sort of get in the mood. 
> 
> Hope you'll like this story and for now,  
Enjoy the read!

“So, what do you say Mr. Future Lawyer?”

Alec smiles as he leaves the lecture hall and hears his boyfriend’s voice through the phone. He’s just finished his last class for tonight and is finally heading home after the exhausting day.

The summer before his third year at college was just perfect and he’s still not used to his back to school lifestyle. Right at the beginning of his vacation Magnus whisked him away to Italy for a week. After they came home they were just spending a lot of time together, also with family and friends. Alec felt more happy, content and relaxed than ever. He had time to finally rest, especially after they difficult year he’s had.

He tries not to think of the bad times, but there’s no way not to remember. He still has bad days, but stopped therapy for now. He’s in a good place. He’s accepted everything that happened. His brother’s death, his almost relapse to self-harm… it’s all in the past. He knows that as soon as it starts to get bad again he has Magnus to talk to, and if he needs professional help, there’s always Ragnor who he can call.

So yeah, these last few months have been very eventful, but now he feels like his life is kind of settling. His starting his third, and last, year of law school, has an amazing supportive boyfriend, incredible family and friends, earned himself an internship in one of the best law firms in the city… it’s going to be a busy time, but with all of these supportive people at his side, he can make it.

Alec sighs into the phone and shakes his head a bit amusingly at the teasing tone his boyfriend is using.

“I don’t know, Magnus.” Alec answers honestly and can basically feel Magnus’ obstinacy, even if he can’t see him.

“What do you mean ‘you don’t know’?” Magnus speaks as if offended. “Alexander, it’s your birthday!”

“Yeah, but I’m just not a big fan of surprises.” Alec admits as he walks through the campus to get to the bus stop.

“Well, you certainly enjoy my surprises…” Magnus trails off, regarding to their little Italian get away. Alec had no idea about until they were basically on the plane. He had been very hesitant about this whole thing at the beginning, but as soon as he heard _Italy_, a place that he's always wanted to visit, and _romantic week with his boyfriend_, he was almost convinced. Magnus’ reassuring words was the last straw and he gave in.

He’s so happy that he did.

“Yeah, I know. I’m just…” Alec pauses slightly to search for the right words. “not sure.” He settles for that.

“So what can I do to make you sure?” Magnus questions. “I promise you, I won’t overstep. I know you, darling. I know what you like and what you need.”

He does, it’s true. Magnus knows him best. Even at his worst times, he always knew what to do, took care of Alec and made him feel better on so many levels. He always knows how to make him happy, how to cheer him up when he’s sad. Magnus just makes him feel better in general.

He can let him make him a birthday surprise, right?

His birthdays were mostly spend with just Jace, Izzy and Max, at their home. They've never really done anything crazy, just stayed home, watched some movies, ate some cake, but for Alec that was more than enough. He was never a fan of big parties and celebrations, he just wanted for his birthday to be spent with people the closest to him, with the ones he loves the most. The rest never mattered.

“Let’s just talk at home, I’m almost there.” Alec resorts eventually, but already can feel Magnus’ objection.

“We’ll talk if you agree.” He demands and Alec laughs lightly.

“What? Babe, that doesn’t make sense.”

“Well, just agree then. I promise you, you won’t regret it, I just want to make this day special for you, love.” Magnus’ voice softens as he says the last words.

Alec smiles against himself. Magnus cares so much about his comfort and happiness. It’s such an amazing thing to have someone who loves him so deeply and whole-heartly.

As he takes the last steps on the campus, basically stepping through the exit gates, something catches his eye. Or more like someone. Very familiar…

No, it can’t be.

Alec just shakes his head, turns his eyes away and proceeds to walk further.

“Alexander, you there?” Magnus prompts then, and Alec realizes that he zoned out for a moment.

“Yeah, I’m here. Sorry, I just thought I saw something.” He shakes his head again to get back his composure. “I’m about to get on the subawy.”

“So, are you agreeing?” Magnus asks then hopefully.

Alec sighs heavily, but he knows that his boyfriend won’t let go easily. And it actually can be kinda fun to do something for his birthday this year.

“Okay, fine.” He answers finally and hears Magnus’ excited squeal.

“Thank you, love. I swear, it will be perfect.” He says with so much confidence, that Alec finds himself believing it too. “Now get home, I need to kiss you.”

Alec laughs cheerfully and nods, even though Magnus can’t see it.

“I’ll be there soon, babe.”

He can’t wait to get home.

A lot might have changed in the past few months, but not the feeling he’s overcome with every time he enters the loft. The simplest to say: it just feels like home. It always has been, basically since the start. He’s always dreamt of coming home to someone, of someone waiting there for him. Of course, he’s always had his siblings, but this… being greeted by Magnus’ soft smile and sweet kiss on the lips… it’s different, and so so loving.

Izzy and Jace seem to have both of their lives mostly figured out too. Jace has just begun his PE studies, Izzy is at second year in forensic pathology, on her way to become the doctor she’s always wanted to be. Their love lives are better than ever too. Isabelle has moved in with Simon to a little apartment near the campus. It’s not a lot, but totally enough for both of them. Simon is being eyed by a few record labels to finally create an EP, but he still wants to continue with his accountancy studies. At least for now. Jace lives in a dorm now, but it’s close enough to Clary’s and Luke’s flat, so they see each other basically every day too. Clary has recently started making some money from selling her paintings, and Jace works casually at a gym nearby the campus, so they’re also planning on renting something on their own in the future.

Both Isabelle and Jace just really wanted to move out of the family house. Alec can’t blame them. The atmosphere here is still very tensed. Robert and Maryse might have tried to fix it, but it kind of seems like any spark that had once been between them, has now completely burnt out. There’s just nothing. Sometimes, it seems like the only thing that kept them together was Max. They knew that they needed to be strong for their youngest sick child. But since he’s gone… Maryse had blindly hoped that maybe it could somehow bring them closer, but it looks like they’ve only grown apart.

Sometimes, there’s just no fixing for some things. Like there is for Alec’s and Robert’s relation. Alec’s not planning on seeing him, the more forgiving him for all of the hurt he endured because of him in the past. It’s all done now. He doesn’t want his father to be a part of his life.

He has more than enough of people who are the total opposite of Robert. Who love him and support him for who he is.

“I made dinner.” Magnus announces when their lips part from their daily welcome home kiss, but still keeps his arm around him, while he walks him to the kitchen. “Enchiladas, your favourite.” He drops him a wink as he gets a plate and puts some food on it.

Alec leans on his elbows at the kitchen island and watches him with a warm expression. It’s become a routine for them. Coming home, making dinners, talking, falling asleep in the same bed. It all may seem so mundane, but Alec loves every part of it.

“Was it all a part of your ‘trying to convince me to agree for the birthday surprise’ plan?” Alec says as he gestures on the plate Magnus has just put in front of him.

“You know me so well.” Magnus smiles warmly and plants a kiss on his forehead. “I may even let you eat on the couch.” He says and heads to the direction of living room. Alec follows instantly.

“How was your day?” Alec prompts when they get seated, TV playing faintly, just the background to their conversations.

“Good.” Magnus starts. “Even though I can’t seem to convince Raphael about changing some policies about the lab’s security protocols. Someone needs to tell him that since I am the Head of the Laboratory Department I should be the one who makes the decision.”

Alec hums thoughtfully. Magnus got promoted recently, and he uses his new position to constantly mess with his boss. It’s just some harmless jokes, but he’s friend is getting quite worked up. Now Magnus doesn’t miss a chance to tease him, especially since the whole situation with Camille and the drugs. He knows Raphael still feels guilty about it sometimes. He should, but it’s in the past. Maybe things aren’t exactly how they were before that between Magnus and Raphael, but they’re good. Still, Magnus suspects that his new position may be a part of his friend’s redemption arc, but he won’t question it, he does deserve it.

“I’m sure you’ll make it.” Alec says without a hint of hesitation. “You can be pretty convincing.” He adds then teasingly.

“That I can be.” Magnus agrees simply. “How was school?”

“Okay. Tiring.” Alec admits with a slow nod.

“You have the internship tomorrow, right?” Magnus questions then.

Alec swallows the rest of his food and nods again.

“Yep. I’ll be home late.”

After they came home from Venice, Alec send an application to one of bigger law firms in New York, Starkweather PC. Soon he got an answer that they’ll gladly welcome him on board. It might not be a lot and he can’t be involved in much of the good stuff, can’t solve any cases yet, but he helps sometimes. And he gets to see how it all looks from up close. He did sneak a peek as a child, when Robert and Maryse brought him to their office, but he was too young back then to understand.

He knows his father would never let him work in their company, Maryse could be trying to convince him to give Alec a chance, but he doesn’t want that. He’ll get to everything all by himself, and he feels he actually has a chance at Starkweather’s. Maybe that’s the place he’ll find himself working at in the future. Who knows how it all will turn out?

Magnus sends him a smile, but it comes out a bit worried. He reaches with his hand to caress his cheek and Alec immediately leans in to the touch.

“Don’t overwork yourself, sweetheart.” He speaks with genuine care and love as he looks back at him.

He goes to the firm two times a week for now. He still needs to balance it with college and having some time for himself. Alec doesn’t want to get too swiped up in that. He knows it’s not healthy and he can’t overwork himself, but it’s not too much. Not now at least. He’s really doing great.

“I’ll be fine.” Alec says and places a kiss to Magnus’ palm where it’s still resting on his cheek. Magnus still doesn’t look quite convinced, so with another eye roll, he speaks further more. “Really, baby. I’d tell you if it was getting too much.”

“I know.” Magnus nods. “But you know, I can’t help but be worried sometimes.” He speaks a bit quitter, as if ashamed, and looks down.

“Hey,” Alec’s voice makes him raise his gaze. “I know that and thank you. I love you so much.”

“I love you too, darling.” Magnus states and gets closer to him to kiss him softly.

Alec doesn’t let him get away so fast, so he places his hand on his neck and deepens the kiss a bit. Their lips move gently against each other for a while, until they pull back, both a bit breathless.

“So,” Alec begins and clears his throat when his voice comes out a bit hoarse. They’re still close, keeping their foreheads together, only a few inches of space between them. “what about this surprise?”

Magnus abruptly pulls back and sends him and unheated glare.

“I’m not telling you anything, Alexander. It’s a surprise, you’re not supposed to know!” He exclaims.

“Even a tiny bit?” Alec tries and moves closer to him.

“No.” Magnus shakes his head firmly.

“No? Not even a little sneak peek?” Alec places a lingering kiss to his jaw, then lower at the side of his neck.

“N-no.” Magnus’ voice is way less stern and the breathy gasp he lets out makes Alec smile against his skin.

“Are you sure…” He trails off teasingly.

“God, you’re way too tempting.” Magnus exhales.

“I can be pretty convincing too.” Alec adds and kisses his mouth again.

Magnus agrees with a little hum and pulls him even closer. They kiss of a few longer moments, until he pulls back slightly and whispers:

“I’m still not telling you anything.” He says with his loop side smile, and Alec can’t help but mirror the expression.

“It was worth a try, though.” He shrugs and Magnus’ laugh vibrates pleasantly through his chest. He throws his arms around his boyfriend’s middle and hugs him tightly, as Magnus’ arm wonders around his shoulder. They soon settle on continuing their binge watch of ‘Queer Eye’ and both know that they’ll probably fall asleep on the couch and whoever wakes first up in the middle of the night will either wake up the other one, or if not in mood for any words, just carry him to the bedroom. It did happen a few times.

And they wouldn’t change a thing.

The next day is actually quite busy. Right after classes Alec gets to the law firm, where Mr Starkweather asks him to pull out some case files. He spends a few hours doing research for the current case they’re on. Towards the end of his shift, he decides to go to his boss and ask for the next Friday off. Since it’s his birthday and he has no idea what Magnus is planning, he supposes he’ll need a bit more time off than usual.

Heading to Mr. Starkweather’s office, he bumps into Andrew Underhill, another intern. They started on the same day and already became good acquaintances. It’s nice to have someone to talk here, especially if they’re deep in some boring research.

“Hey, on the way to the big boss?” Underhill prompts.

“Yeah.” Alec gestures to the stack of papers in his hand. “The research was… eventful. And I also need to ask for a day off.”

“Day off?” Andrew sounds surprised. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah, everything’s fine.” Alec assures. “It’s my birthday next Friday and my boyfriend’s planning some surprise.” He admits with a soft smile.

“Oh, I see.” Underhill sends him a teasing look. “Well, I hope you’ll have fun. See you on Monday?”

“Thanks, and yeah sure.” Alec says and then he’s back on his way.

“Good luck with the boss!” Underhill throws over his shoulder and sends him a smile which Alec mirrors.

When he gets to the office, he gently knocks on the door, and after hearing a quiet ‘come in’, turns the door knob and enters.

Hodge Starkweather is a middle-aged man, very focused on his work and company. He built it basically from scratch and made it one of the most popular and trustworthy law firms in New York. He’s a perfectionist in every form and always does everything that’s possible to lead his cases to a victory. What Alec admires about the man the most, is that he did this all by himself, he’s sharp and direct, always ready for everything, whatever the other side may throw at him.

“Sorry to interrupt,” Alec starts as he emerges into the room. Mr. Starkweather is leaning over some documents spread all over his desk, his gaze switching from the papers to his computer at times, but when he notices Alec, he looks up at him and let’s his shrill expression soften a bit. “Here’s everything I managed to pull out on the homicide case.” He comes closer to the desk and hands the man the papers.

“Thank you, Alec.” Starkweather looks over the documents for a few seconds. “What do you think about it?” He asks with his eyes back on Alec.

“About the case?” Alec inquires a bit taken aback at the question, but the boss nods, confirming. “I don’t think the wife did it.” He admits and Mr. Starkweather gestures for him with his hand to continue. “I mean, she has a motive, the domestic abuse, but her alibi is actually very truthful, a few of the witnesses confirmed it. My guess is it’s the mistress. She got tired of being the second choice, was mad about him not wanting to end things with the wife… a classis scenario, but also very common. Plus, her testimony is full of blank spots and she gets pretty lost in her own lies, so there’s something about it. It’s like she tries to blame it on the wife, not so subtly anymore.”

Mr Starkweather leans back into his chair with a nod and an easy smile is overcoming his features as he continues to look at Alec.

“My guess is the same as yours.” He states and Alec lets a hint of smile cover his face. “You’re very perceptive. That’s a good quality for a lawyer.”

“Thank you, sir.” Alec replies, but feels himself intimidated by the wave of praise.

Mr Starkweather nods again, and is just about to get back to his work, but then prompts.

“Anything else?”

“Yes, actually. I have a question.” Alec starts a bit nervously now.

“Shoot it.” The boss allows.

“I was wondering, will you be needing me here next Friday? I’d like to ask for a day off. I know, I haven’t been here for long, but it’s a special occasion and I-“

“Alec,” Mr Starkweather stops his rumbling. “That’s true, you haven’t been here for long, but you’ve already impressed me. You have a good eye for things, can sense a lot in people. You deserve to have fun on one Friday evening. Actually, I was surprised you chose Friday as one of the days you’d like to come here. I know college’s life, parties and all of this stuff. Been through that myself. You always get the job done, one night can harm anybody. Go and have fun, you have a day off.”

“Thank you, sir.” Alec answers gratefully.

“No problem.” The man resorts simply. “I’ll see you an Monday.”

“Yes, thank you again.”

With one last shared smile, Alec leaves the room. People may say a lot of things about Starkweather, how harsh he can be, but he’s actually a pretty chill boss. Maybe it has to do with the fact that Alec has never messed up a job yet, so he hasn’t seen the angry side of him. He hopes he won’t though.

“Alright darling, plans for the weekend, shoot.” Magnus says as he crawls under covers next to him. Alec’s already half-asleep and he startles when his boyfriend joins him. Magnus looks at him, still waiting for an answer, but Alec only groans and pulls the covers up till they’re wrapped around his whole form, covering his face.

“Staying in bed.” He replies, but Magnus only laughs when he gently lowers the sheets so he can see his face.

“The whole weekend?” He questions and Alec nods with a pout. Magnus moves closer to him till he can seal their lips together softly.

“And what would you say for staying in bed late tomorrow, then eating breakfast in said bed, and later maybe going to see some movie in the evening?” He proposes then and arches an eyebrow.

“Continue.” Alec says with a light grin creeping onto his features.

“And when we come back home, we can have a glass of wine and just cuddle on the couch?” Magnus finishes and it all actually sounds so nice, that Alec sighs softly and agrees with a nod. Magnus seems pleased with that answer and shifts even closer to him, till Alec can hide his head under his chin and hug him tightly.

“Just cuddle, though?” He prompts then, his voice laced with mischief.

“Who knows, I may even kiss you.” Magnus resorts sarcastically and Alec slaps him on the chest playfully, making him chuckle. “Whatever we’re in mood for.”

“Okay, that sounds nice.” Alec admits out loud and feels Magnus press a kiss to on the top of his head. “Love you.” He mumbles, almost asleep, feeling more content than ever in his boyfriend’s warm embrace.

“I love you too, sweetheart. Now sleep.” Magnus says and as he begins combing his fingers lightly through his hair, Alec feels his eyelids dropping even harder.

Good thing they have nowhere to be tomorrow, because he really could use some rest with his boyfriend.


	2. The Birthday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus plans a surprise for Alec. Later, they celebrate his birthday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello,  
chapter number 2, here we go! You'll get to see a bit of Magnus' planning and then the surprise he prepared for Alec. So, still fluff, for now ;) WARNINGS: sexaul content, 'cause our boys celebrate in many ways...

Magnus waits patiently, taking sips of his coffee at times. He can’t blame Isabelle for being fashionably late, especially that their meeting is kind of short noticed.

He really wants to make Alec’s birthday special. It’s the first one they will spend together. He just wants it to be nice, no exaggerating, he knows Alec wouldn’t want that. He plans on settling for a nice evening with their friends and family.

And who could be a better person to help him, than his boyfriend’s sister, who knows him better than anyone?

Magnus decided to speak with Isabelle about this, and that’s why he found himself in a coffee shop near the campus, at 8am. He told Alec he’s got work to catch up on, because he doesn’t want the surprise to get spoiled, so now they can work on the details.

Soon enough Isabelle emerges into the room. She greets him with a soft, slightly apologetic smile as she walks to the table. Magnus gets up, gives her a hug and as soon as they’re settled, slides her coffee which he took the liberty of ordering, closer to her on the table.

“Thanks.” Izzy says gratefully and takes a sip. “Okay, I’m more awake now.” She chuckles.

“Yeah, sorry about this meeting at such an ungodly hour.” Magnus half jokes, but she only waves her hand dismissively. 

“That’s okay. We’re both busy, so it was actually the only time.” She resorts simply.

“How’s Simon?” Magnus prompts then.

“Good. Practicing a lot for the upcoming shows.” She speaks proudly. Simon’s career is really growing. He put up more songs online, has a fair share of fans now and is taking his music life very seriously.

“That’s great.” Magnus sends her a smile.

“And how’s my brother dearest?” Isabelle questions then.

“Everything is fine.” Magnus starts. “And actually I wanted to speak to you about something regarding our Alexander.”

“Alright, what is it?” Izzy asks and there a hit of nervousness in her tone. Magnus’ heart swells for the care she holds for her brother. She worries about him a lot. They both know that Alec is in a good place now, there’s really nothing to worry about, but still, Izzy cares about even the tiniest things that could make her brother upset.

“It’s about his birthday.” Magnus begins and Isabelle nods at him to continue. “I’m planning on throwing him a little surprise party. Just the closest friends and family, you know. And I need your help with some details-“

“Wait, so Alec knows nothing about this?” Izzy inquires then.

“Well I told him that I’m planning something for his birthday, since I know how resistant he can be about surprises… He agreed so…” He trails off with a shrug.

“He agreed?” Isabelle sounds very surprised now.

“Yes…” Magnus says tentatively. Izzy looks totally shocked so he doesn’t really know what to make out of it. “is it some big deal or…”

“No! I mean, I’m just surprised.” She admits. “Alec was never a fan of his birthday, he never really wanted to do anything. Mostly we just stayed home or something.”

“Wasn’t a fan? Why?” Magnus inquires curiously.

Isabelle looks a bit hesitant now, like she’s battling her thoughts to share something that’s on her mind, or not. But then finally, she begins to speak.

“Alec came out to our parents on his 18 birthday.” She confesses. “And that’s when is started to go kinda downhill, so he doesn’t really have the fondest memories from his birthdays.”

“I didn’t know.” Magnus admits. Alec never told him about this. Maybe it just never came up, it’s his first birthday they’ll spend together after all. “I mean, I knew he came out and that it went downhill. I just didn’t know it was on his birthday.”

“It’s just a detail.” Izzy says with aa shrug, taking a sip of her coffee. “But yeah, it left some mark on him, so he doesn’t really like his birthday.”

Magnus smiles at her a bit sadly. It’s such an unhappy thing to have a day that supposed to be your special one ruined because of one event of your life. But Magnus gets it. It was a life changing thing and even if it was freeing, Alec’s parents’ reaction was not a good part of that.

“More reason to make some good memories on his birthday.” Magnus states then and now Izzy sends him a brighter smile.

“I agree.” She says softly. “So, what do you have in mind?”

Magnus didn’t expect a lot of thing to change when he and Alec came back from their little Italian get away. So you can only imagine his surprise when he found out that his best friend was suddenly a mother of a six year old girl.

Catarina said that it just felt right. When Madzie was brought into the hospital, she was the only survivor from a car accident where her parents died. Cat just felt something about this little, scared girl. She was taking care of her during her stay and when the time came to decide what to do with the girl, she started to complete all of the formalities to become her legal guardian and with Alec's help, she succeeded. Later, it turned out that Madzie’s parents weren’t actually good people, they used and abused her. Catarina made it her personal mission to provide her with a loving home and family. It was hard at first, Madzie was very closed off, but now, after a few months it’s much, much better. She had troubles speaking, but it seems the ability has unblocked now. She truly is a little angel. Magnus and Alec adore her, and she became quite fond of them too. They are actually ones of not many people who she feels comfortable enough with.

So yes, it was a surprise, a shock even. But a very pleasant one.

“Of course we’ll be there.” Catarina states after Magnus finishes telling her about Alec’s birthday party. He states her all of the details he went through with Isabelle this morning.

They’re seated on the couch in Cat's apartament, keeping an eye on Madzie who’s playing with some toys on the floor.

“I’ll need to speak with her about it, though.” Cat adds in a lower tone, so her daughter won’t hear. “You know how she is with people. You and Alec are fine, but-“

“Cat, no pressure. I totally understand if you can’t make it.” Magnus takes her hand and reassures her. “It would mean a lot to Alec to see you both there, but we understand if she may not be ready.”

“Thank you, Magnus.” Catarina smiles at him. “But I think we should try. Even if only for a brief while, I think it’s time to step a bit out of the comfort zone. I want her to go to school, you know, to have a normal life. We need to start somewhere. This may be a perfect chance.”

“Only if you’re sure.” Magnus repeats one more time, but his friend only nods. Her expression is confident, so the decision has been made.

“One question, though.” Cat says then and Magnus gestures for her to go on. “What are we supposed to get him?”

“Cat, I’m sure Alexander doesn’t care about presents. It will be enough if you just show up-“ Magnus tries, but she cuts him of shortly.

“But I will feel bad if I show without even a little something. It’s his birthday!” She resorts and Magnus laughs lightly at her serious tone. “Just give me some ideas. You know Alec the best after all.”

Magnus smiles and rolls his eyes fondly, but then answers her.

“Well, for starters, he wouldn’t like you to get him anything expensive. Alec hates getting expensive things, even if I give them to him.”

Cat chuckles lightly, but then he continues.

“He enjoys a good wine. Red, sweet. He has such a sweet tooth.” Magnus smiles at the memory of how much tiramisu and gelato Alec could eat during their time in Italy. “Really, anything with chocolate. Seriously, a box of chocolates would do.” He’s about to go on, but then notices something switching in Cat’s eyes, some warm spark lighting up in them. “What?” He asks.

“Nothing.” Catarina shakes her head lightly. “It’s just… your whole face lits up when you speak about Alec. It’s cute.” She resorts with a shrug. Magnus sends her a warm smile. “And thanks, that was actually a very useful advice.”

“Like you said, I do know him.” Magnus just agrees with her previous statement.

“Sweetheart,” Catarina calls to Madzie and the girl turns to her. “come here.” Cat gestures for her and soon she climbs onto her lap. “Listen baby, it’s Alec’s birthday this Friday and uncle Magnus is inviting us to his party. Would you like to go?” She questions gently and cuddles the girls lightly to her chest.

“Will many people be there?” Madzie questions hesitantly.

“Not so many, sweet pea.” Magnus answer and her gaze focuses at him. “But a bit more than you might be used to.”

“But we’ll be all by your side, sweetheart.” Cat continues then. “All of the people are Alec’s friends and family, I promise you they’re all good people. You can think about it, you don’t have to answer now.”

Magnus nods and smiles at the girl to reassure her a bit.

“Will there be cake?” Madzie asks and it prompts a laugh from both Magnus and Cat.

“Of course there will be!” Magnus replies cheerfully and the girls chuckles lightly. “Lots of it and other delicious stuff.”

“I think I want to go.” Madzie admits a bit more confidently now.

“The cake did it for you, right?” Catarina teases and tickles the little girl on her lap till she squints.

Magnus smiles at the view. Cat has always wanted to be a mom, but never found someone worth starting a family with. Magnus feels like this, with Madzie was just made for her. It’s truly wonderful to see her like this. He hopes she’ll always be this happy.

Magnus wakes up earlier on Friday morning. Alec is still fast asleep next to him, looking cute as always, the adorable little snores escaping his lips. Magnus kisses his forehead gently, to which he scrunches his face sweetly, but doesn’t wake up.

It’s time to starts some proper ravishing for his birthday.

Magnus leaves the room as quiet as he can and closes the door behind him. He heads to the kitchen and begins to prepare some breakfast. Of course it needs to be special, so he settles on making waffles. Then he makes coffee, squeezes some fresh orange juice, decorates the tray he’s going to carry to the bedroom with the flowers he got yesterday and hid carefully for his boyfriend. When he’s finally satisfied with everything, he takes the tray goes back to the bedroom.

Alec looks basically the same as he left him. Still gorgeously handsome and cute at the same time. Magnus approaches carefully, lays the tray on his now empty side of the bed and runs his hand gently through his boyfriend’s hair. Alec sighs with content and then finally opens his eyes. He rubs at them sleepily and then seems to acknowledge the situation more. His eyes first land on the breakfast in bed, and then he rises his gaze to Magnus, a soft smile on his face.

“Happy birthday, love.” Magnus says and leans in to kiss him on the lips softly. Alec easily returns the kiss and smiles against his mouth.

“Thank you, baby.” He looks at him and Magnus can already see the gratefulness in his eyes. “Is this the surprise?” He questions then.

Magnus puts his palm on his chest and speaks with fake offence.

“Alexander, do you really think that less of me?” His tone makes Alec chuckle and it’s the most wonderful sound in the world. “You should know me enough, to know that I have more in store.”

“You’re right, I’m sorry.” Alec mocks lightly, but his smiles only grows bigger. “But you know it would be enough, right?”

“I know.” Magnus admits. Alec has never asked a lot of him. He’s pretty content with all of the things they do together, no matter how small. Magnus reaches with his hand and cups his face delicately, rubbing his thumb against his cheek. “But you deserve a lot more, my darling.”

Alec smiles this amazing, genuine and happy smile, that Magnus can’t help, but mirror it. They stare at each other for a few seconds longer, and them Magnus speaks again.

“Okay, eat up. Then I’m driving you to classes and afterwards, I am picking you and we’re going to see the actual surprise.” Magnus states his plan.

“Alright.” Alec agrees as he gets to eating. He hums at the taste as soon as he takes the first bite. “This is good.” He says and points at the food.

“It’s only the beginning, my love.” Magnus tells him and drops a kiss on top of his head as he gets up. “I love you, you know that?”

Alec nods and tills his chin up, basically begging to be kiss, so of course Magnus complies and covers his lips with his. He pulls back only after their smiles become too big to kiss.

“Get ready, angel.” He adds with one last peck.

“Should I like, dress fancy or something?” Alec questions then and Magnus sends him a confused look. “For later, you know.”

“Darling, of course not.” Magnus shakes his head lightly. “I know that fancy is not really your scene. Today is your day. Wear whatever makes you comfortable, alright?”

“Okay.” Alec smiles again as he finishes his breakfast. “Thank you.”

“No need to thank me, darling. It’s all my pleasure.”

“Is everyone there?” Magnus asks Izzy over the phone. He’s just pulled out on the university driveway. He leaves the car to lean against it and wait for Alec, who should be here any minute now.

“Yes, everyone is here. We’re waiting.” Isabelle confirms.

“Okay, we’re going to be there soon.” Magnus exhales nervously. “So, everything’s in place, right-“

“Magnus, everything is perfect. Really, no need to be nervous.” Izzy doesn’t let him finish as she reassures instantly.

“Yeah, okay.” Magnus lets out another ridged breath. “I just want everything to be perfect, he deserves the best.” He adds in a lower tone.

“I know, and I promise, everything is fantastic.” Izzy speaks again. “Lydia’s just arrived. Me, mom, Jace and Simon came earlier to set up all the decorations. Luke and Clary came to help too. Everyone is here and waiting, so you better get your asses here.”

“We’ll be there soon.” Magnus declares, and just this moment Alec emerges from the building. “Alexander is coming, I gotta go.” He hangs up just as Alec reaches the car. “How’s the birthday boy doing?” He questions and closes the few remaining steps of distance between them to kiss him, tugging him even closer with hands on his waist. Alec hooks his arms around his neck and they don’t let go of each other for a longer while.

“Now I’m good.” Alec speaks when their lips part and they rest their foreheads together. “Missed you.”

“I missed you too, darling.” Magnus replies and kisses his cheek. “Ready to go?” He laces their fingers and leads them back to the car as Alec nods.

“We’re not going home, are we?” Alec asks when they’re driving.

Magnus only shakes his head and tries to keep the grin from overcoming his face fully. They drive in silence for the rest of the ride, but Magnus can see the excitement written on his boyfriend’s face. Which makes him happy himself.

Soon they pull out at their destination. Magnus leaves the car to circle it an open the door for Alec, offering him his hand like the true gentleman he is. Alec smiles as they intertwine their hands and walk a few steps to get to the restaurant.

“Rizzo’s?” Alec questions when they can see the sign announcing the restaurant’s name. “We’re getting pizza?”

“Among other things.” Magnus admits and holds the door open for him.

As soon as they enter, all of the lights in the previously dark place blow up and they can see the face of their friends and family as they all shout ‘surprise!’

The place is all decorated with balloons and signs saying ‘happy birthday’. There are presents at one of the tables and besides their guests, the place is empty. It’s all very intimate and familiar, just like Magnus knows Alec would enjoy.

“Happy birthday big brother!” Izzy is the one to approach him first as she walks straight into his arms and hugs him tightly.

What comes next is a wave of birthday wishes, hugs and greetings. Magnus is happy that everyone could make it tonight. There’s Cat with Madzie, Raphael, Dot, Aline and Helen. The tricky part was to invite Ragnor or not, but eventually Magnus settled for a yes. Alec said multiple times that he’s fine with them seeing each other outside of his office. And besides, Alec is not his patient anymore.

The smile isn’t leaving Alec’s face as they move to the table. Magnus settles next to him and puts his arm around his shoulders. Alec turns to him and presses a kiss to his cheek.

“You rented the whole restaurant?” He questions then, with some hint of disbelief in his voice. Magnus just smiles in answer.

“I did.” He admits and Alec shakes his head amusingly. “Do you like it?”

“It’s perfect, baby. Thank you.” Alec speaks in this truly genuine tone and places a sweet kiss to his lips. Magnus smiles and hugs him a bit tighter.

They talk and laugh around the table and Magnus can’t really take his eyes away from his boyfriend’s happy face. He loves watching him so content in presence of his friends and family. They’ve just finished their dinner and as Isabelle excitedly exclaims it’s time for presents now.

“Don’t bother though, it’s mostly alcohol.” Jace says jokingly and the whole table laughs again.

“Which is lovely.” Alec says reassuringly. “We enjoy a glass of good wine, right?” He turns to Magnus and he agrees with a nod and smile.

“They’re already acting like an old married couple…” Dot trails off and hides her smirk in her drink as Magnus sends her a glare that is lacking any needed heat.

“Okay, I meant the presents that are not alcohol.” Izzy clarifies then with an eye roll. “I wanna go first.” She adds and reaches for a little box, then handing it to Alec. It’s an elegant velvet box in dark blue, with a silver ribbon wrapped. Alec eyes it carefully, but it seems like Izzy is getting impatient. “Open it!” She pleads.

Alec sends and eye roll her way, but finally begins to unwrapped the gift.

“Isabelle…” He trails off as he opens the box and looks up at his sister who smiles softly. Magnus looks over Alec shoulder to sneak a peek at the box and he himself almost gasps when he sees its contents.

There’s a pair of arrow shaped, silver cufflinks in it. They are so beautiful, probably made by Isabelle herself. It does look like her style and design. They are fancy, but not too much to be distracting. Just something so very Alec.

“I just thought that such a good lawyer also needs to have some good looks.” Isabelle shrugs, but her eyes are a bit glistening as she smiles at her brother.

“They are beautiful, thank you.” Alec says as he takes one more look at the piece of jewellery. Then closes the box and puts it away.

“My turn now.” Clary states and reaches for something that Magnus just knows is a picture frame. “It’s from me and Luke, since he paid for all of the materials to make it.” She adds in a bit of lower tone, but Alec only sends her a smile. Then he gently unwraps the paper. “Magnus told me about your time in Italy, so I thought…”

“Clary, it’s amazing. Thank you.” Alec speaks, not taking his gaze away from the painting. It’s truly mesmerizing and Magnus finds himself lost too. It shows a general look of Venice’s Grand Canal, but Magnus can recognize the place. They took a few gondola rides down these canals, ate at the restaurant visible on the panting. The whole Venice trip is such a good memory, and now they can literally hang it on their wall and admire it every day.

Clary answers with a small intimidated smile and tugs her hair behind her ear, something she always does when she shies away from the praise.

“Alright, so we actually got you a wine.” Catarina starts then and Alec turns to her with his unfading smile. “But Madzie made something for you and would like to give this to you. Come on, sweetheart.”

Madzie hesitantly hands him a piece of paper and Alec unfolds it gently.

“Oh, this is so lovely Madzie, thank you.” Alec leans in and hugs the girl. “Look, babe.” He shows him the drawing. “It’s us, right? You made it yourself?” Alec asks in awe and Madzie nods shyly. “It’s amazing.” He adds.

The drawing does show two figures with hands clasped together. It’s just some doodles, but it’s such an amazing gesture and definitely one of the best presents tonight.

“Wow, Clary is growing some competition.” Magnus exclaims and Clary herself offers a round of applause for their littlest guest.

“Okay, okay, now my turn.” Jace hushes the company and gives his brother an envelope.

“Jace, I swear to God, if it’s money…” Alec trails off and the rest laughs again.

“Hey, I’m not that bad.” Jace laughs himself, but then turns a bit more serious, maybe even nervous. “Just open it.”

Alec slowly tears the envelope open and pulls out the paper from the inside. His eyes scan through it for a few seconds and then he looks up at Jace a bit confused. His brother just shrugs with a smile.

“The gym I’m working at has an archery track, so I thought… I’m sorry, if it’s a bad idea.” Jace starts carefully, as if scared for his brother’s reaction.

“I haven’t even thought about it for so long.” Alec says softy, a bit more to himself than to others.

“What is it, darling?” Magnus questions, intrigued at what could possibly make Alec so emotional.

“It’s a free pass for the archery track.” Alec answers and turns to him. “I used to train as a kid.”

“Oh, and he was good.” Maryse cuts in with a thoughtful nod. “There was a time when you didn’t see the world, only your bow and arrow.”

“I had no idea.” Magnus says. It just never came up. Archery isn’t really a common sport like basketball or football, but it only makes Alec more interesting of a person.

“It was a long time ago.” Alec shakes his head lightly. “I’ve never thought of going back.”

“I can always return it, or exchange-“ Jace begins, but Alec interrupts swiftly.

“No. It’s perfect, thank you.” He resorts. “I think it’s time to give it a go again.”

He and Jace eye themselves for a few seconds, as if having some silent conversation, but it just resolves in another warm smile.

“I think it calls for a toast, right?” Lydia proposes then lightly. The rest easily agrees and raises their glasses.

“To Alec.” Luke says and then the rest repeats.

“To Alec!”

They all clink their glasses together and take a sip. Everyone around the table just looks so happy. It’s truly an amazing thing for Magnus, to see the people closes to him unite together and have a good time. These are the best nights. When they can come together and just not worry about work, college or any other stuff. They just simply enjoy their time together.

“I’ll give you my present later. Okay, darling?” Magnus whispers to Alec as they put their glasses down. His boyfriend turns to him with a loving expression.

“This is enough of a present.” He says and the honestly in his tone makes Magnus’ heart melt. “This, all of us together… I couldn’t ask for a better birthday, thank you baby.”

“You deserve everything what’s the best, angel.” Magnus resorts and Alec’s eyes are glistening when he seals their lips together in a short kiss. They both smile when they pull back. “Okay, so I guess everyone else’s presents was alcohol?” Magnus questions as he turns to the rest of their guests and they all laugh again.

“Actually, no.” Simon speaks up then and everyone turns to him. He gets up from his spot and picks up his guitar. “I might have not had an idea for a present, but Izzy told me to do what I do best. Which is this.” He gestures for the guitar. “Happy birthday, Alec. This is for you.”

And as he begins to play, Alec rests his head on Magnus’ shoulder and they all sway gently to the soft melody of the songs.

Magnus resorts that the best presents, are the ones that come from a heart.

“He was the loveliest child, I swear!” Maryse exclaims after finishing sharing yet another story from Alec’s childhood. “I must show you some pictures one day, Magnus.” She adds, taking a sip of her drink.

Alec groans as he hides his burning red face in Magnus’ neck. He only kisses his boyfriend’s head and hugs him tighter to his side.

“Mom, stop. It’s embarrassing…” Alec pleads, but it seems that Maryse has only got started.

“Oh, remember these cute, chubby cheeks mom?” Isabelle says mischievously.

“Izzy!” Alec turns to her and sends her a glare. She only shrugs and blows him a kiss.

“Now I really want to see these pictures.” Magnus resorts and Alec buries himself even deeper into his chest. “I bet you were always beautiful, my love.”

“I hate you.” Alec growls and his voice sounds muffled by his shirt.

“No, you don’t.” Magnus shakes his head amusingly down at him.

“No, I don’t.” Alec turns back to him and smiles.

The rest of the evening passes by very pleasantly. There are laughs and talks around the whole table, Simon plays a few more songs. Everyone in general is just having fun. Somehow during the night everyone shift and end up in various discussions. Jace and Clary are currently indulged into some conversation with Dot and Raphael. Izzy and Simon at the other end of the table talk with Aline and Helen. Luke tells Maryse more about Idris Organization and she seems very interested in the subject. Madzie ends up sitting in Alec’s lap and they are colouring pictures from the kids’ menu. Magnus smiles at this sight and is actually very happy that Madzie feels comfortable enough here. As he goes to the bar to order another drink for his boyfriend, Catarina and Ragnor join him.

“You should be proud of her.” Magnus says to Cat and points at Alec with Madzie. “She’s doing very good.”

“Yeah, I am.” Catarina smiles and leans against the bar sipping her margarita and smiling. “She’s better than I thought. Maybe I should buy her this new barbie doll…” She trails off and both Ragnor and Magnus laugh at her words.

“If you don’t then I will.” Ragnor resorts and Cat chuckles.

“Alec is good with children.” She resorts after a while.

“Yeah, he is.” Magnus says, still not taking his eyes away from the scene in front of him. Madzie giggles softly when Alec tickles her side gently and it only makes Magnus’ smile grow. When he turns back to his friends they both send him an inquisitive gaze. “What?”

“Have you thought about it?” Ragnor questions and Magnus sends him a confused looks since he doesn’t know what he means.

“About what?”

“Family.” Cat clarifies. “With Alec.”

“What? Cat, we haven’t been together for even one year yet.” Magnus replies and shakes his head.

“So what?” Ragnor shrugs. “You said he’s special.”

“Because he is.” Magnus agrees. He’s always known Alec was something else. That he will stick for long. But a family… they’re not there yet. Magnus loves him with his whole heart. He himself wants to have children in the future, and he does see Alec in every version of this future, their future. But they’ve never talked about this. Alec is still young… “It’s way too soon to think about these kind of things.” Magnus just resorts.

“Whatever you say.” Cat states, but her voice is laced with some tease when she continues. “But if you’ll ever need practice, Madzie adores you so…”

“Yeah, I’ll remember that, thank you.” Magnus resorts and picks up a drink that’s just been prepared. “Now I’m going back to the guest of honour.”

It’s too soon now, but maybe one day…

“Thank you so much for coming.” Alec hugs tightly both Helen and Aline as they say their goodbyes.

“We wouldn’t miss it.” Helen speaks and her eyes drift to Magnus. “You got yourself some great boyfriend here for organizing something like this for you…”

“I know, he’s the best.” Alec says and leans into Magnus’ side a bit more. They basically haven’t stepped away from each other the whole night, but it’s not that Magnus minds. Having Alec close is where he always wants him.

The guests are slowly flowing out of the restaurant, only a few people more left. But it doesn’t mean that it’s the end of their birthday celebrations.

“Okay, so we’re gonna get these to your place.” Jace points at the presents when he and Clary start to pick them up.

“We’re not going home?” Alec turns to Magnus with a confused expression.

“Not yet.” Magnus answers and laces their fingers together. “I thought we could take a walk? It’s such a beautiful night.”

“Yeah, sure.” Alec smiles and nods.

“Go boys, we’ll handle everything here.” Maryse assures as she hugs Alec one more time. “Enjoy your night.”

“Thank you, mom.” Alec kisses her cheek and then lets Magnus guide him out of the restaurant to the cool night air.

Alec snuggles closer to him as they walk. The night is actually warm with a little refreshing breeze. Alec looks beautiful under the night sky, the content expression still on his face as they step further.

“Thank you for today.” He says then and presses a light kiss to Magnus’ cheek. “It’s the best birthday I’ve ever had.”

“I’m glad you think that, love.” Magnus smiles and lets his head rest on top of Alec’s from where it’s laying on his shoulder.

Magnus will always cherish every moment with Alec, but things like these, today, the birthday party, spending time with their friends and family, just the times where they’re both so happy and relaxed, this is what Magnus loves the most. To see Alec let go and enjoy himself. He tends to stress so much, about everything, school and the people closest to him. Magnus does a mental note to himself to try and make Alec let go like that more often.

“So you had fun today?” Magnus prompts and feels Alec nod.

“A lot.” He agrees. “It was so nice to get together like this.”

“Yeah…” Magnus trails of and soon enough tugs at his hand to stop them and turns to face him. They are currently walking down the alley by the ocean. The view here is beautiful and the city lights are decorated with fairly lights. Magnus really wanted to take him there, and it’s probably the right time to give him the present. But first he has to ask. “Look, darling.” He starts.

“Is everything okay?” Worry begins to cling on his voice and Magnus hates to be the one to wipe this smile form his face even a bit. Alec eyes him cautiously and Magnus exhales as he begins to reassure.

“Everything is perfect, angel. I was just wondering…” He doesn’t really know how to voice it, but Alec seems to know what he means, since he squeezes his hand and smiles at him again. But this time, the smile is laced with sadness.

“I’ve been thinking about him.” Alec confesses and shrugs. “It’s the first birthday I’m spending without him.”

“I know, darling.” Magnus says and sends him an apologetic smile. “And that’s why I wanted to know. I know days like this tend to bring out memories… I guess I just wanted to know how you feel…”

“I’m okay.” Alec replies softly. “I mean, I miss him terribly, but I just spent the best day with the people closest to me. Of course, I wish he was here, but I know he’d want me to enjoy it. So that’s what I’m doing. But thank you, for caring about this so much. And I swear, I am fine. Perfect, even.” He smiles brighter now.

Magnus remember all of the hard times, and as he looks at his Alexander now… It was difficult to get back up after all that he’s been through, but still, he’s done it. It all makes him the strongest person Magnus knows. He always gets back up and the fact that he’s so happy right now, in this moment, makes Magnus happy too.

Cupping Alec’s face, he leans in a places a lingering kiss to his lips. When their lips part, they rest their foreheads together and just breathe each other in for a few seconds.

“I love you so much.” Magnus whispers and caresses his cheeks.

“I love you too, baby.” Alec replies with his eyes still closed. “Thank you for an amazing birthday.”

“It’s not over yet, darling.” Magnus states and pulls back a bit further with a smile, which Alec easily mirrors. “I think it’s time I give you my gift.”

“Oh, I was actually thinking the kiss was a gift.” Alec jokes and they both laugh lightly, but then Magnus shakes his head. He reaches to his suit jacket’s pocket, pulls out a box and hands it to Alec. He takes it with a tentative smile and begins to unwrap the ribbon.

“Happy birthday, Alexander.”

“Baby…” Alec exhales and looks up at him. “You shouldn’t have, it must have cost a fortune-“

“Don’t worry about it.” Magnus comes closer again and wraps his arms around his waist. “A good lawyer can’t afford to be late.” He points at the watch in the box. “This may help.”

He wasn’t thinking a lot about what he should get him. Alec is not actually a fan of jewellery, but it seemed the most fitting, so he decided on a watch, a simple, sliver, elegant one. Magnus was ready for his boyfriend’s complaints about its price, but it’s his birthday, Magnus likes to treat him to special things, no matter the cost. What is a better occasion than his own birthday?

“Do you like it?” Magnus prompts as Alec still stares down on the watch.

“I love it. It’s beautiful.” Alec’s eyes meet his as he speaks and they both smile. “But you really didn’t have to-“

“Oh, stop this.” Magnus rolls his eyes. “It’s your birthday, let me do this for you. At least today.” He eyes him with a warm, but stern look and Alec finally gives in with a nod.

“Okay.” He kisses him softly. “Thank you. I promise, I will make a good use of it.”

“I wouldn’t doubt it.” Magnus agrees and tugs him closer with his hands on his hips. Alec smiles even wider when they press their foreheads together and he locks his arms behind Magnus’ neck. He closes his eyes and this all just looks to inviting, so there’s really nothing else left to do for Magnus than to lean in and kiss him.

Alec welcomes him gladly, kisses back with equal force, bringing him even closer, till there’s no space between their bodies. The kisses turn deeper, harder and soon Magnus licks his lips, asking for entrance, to which Alec easily complies. He lets Magnus’ tongue slip into his mouth and devour his startled moan. Magnus’ arms wrap tighter around him, pressing him to his chest, but then the need for air overcomes them, and they have to pull back, both breathing hard.

“Are you in mood for another birthday present?” Magnus questions playfully and Alec chuckles.

“Very much in mood.” Alec answers, still short of breath.

“Then let me take care of you tonight, okay?” Magnus kisses him again and feels him nod, only drawing away to whisper on more word.

“Always.”

The road back to the car, and then back to their apartment feels extremely long, but eventually they get there. Stumbling through the door, mouths already connected, Magnus wastes no time as he guides Alec backwards to the bedroom, already beginning with the task of unbuttoning his shirt. Alec quickly returns the favour and before they get to step fully into the room, shirts are already abandoned on the hallway floor.

Then Alec breaks off the kiss to inhale sharply, and when he tangles his fingers in Magnus’ hair, he lets out a content gasp. He shivers when his boyfriend runs his pleasantly cold palms down his chest, till they reach his belt buckle and start to undo it.

Someone seems eager tonight.

Magnus grabs him by the hips and presses closer, rubbing their crotches together, making Alec moan and throw his head back, which only gives him a perfect invitation to start marking that gorgeous neck of his. He bites down lightly on his pulse point, causing Alec’s breathe to quicken even more from the building pleasure. Magnus sucks on the skin, wrapping his arm around his boyfriend’s waist to keep him in place as he feels his knees almost buckle.

“Magnus” Alec gasps as he’s ravishing his neck with kisses. “please.”

He can’t deny both him and himself anymore, so he walks then further to the bed, till Alec lands on it on his back. Magnus gets himself rid of his pants and climbs between his legs. Alec already breathes heavily when Magnus grabs his thighs to spread his legs wider, so he can rolls his hips against his. His hands roam around his chest and then he leans in to place a series of open-mouthed kisses there. Alec’s palms wander to his hair again, tugging at the short strands at the back of his neck, making him moan around his nipples. His hands then reach the waistband of Alec’s pants, and he sends him a questioning look with his eyebrows arched to which Alec nods keenly.

“Please.” He just repeats.

And how could Magnus resist him? When he lays spread in front of him, flushed skin full on display, breathing heavily, basically begging for more.

Alec lifts his hips of the bed to help him slide his jeans off of him and then they just continue to grind against each other, so little layers between, but for Magnus still too much. His boyfriend seems to sense what he’s thinking about, since he reaches for his hips and yanks his boxers down.

Magnus still remembers how shy and maybe even a little embarrassed Alec used to be during sex. How scared he was for reaching for what he wants. They truth is, that when they came together like this, it’s like they are one body. Magnus will always offer all of him to Alec, and he certainly returns with the same. He still tends to be shy or nervous, especially when they try new things, but he learns that he can ask for things too, Magnus for sure won’t refuse him, he wouldn’t have a heart to.

They’ve reached a great level of communication in this area of their relationships. They talk a lot, not only during sex, but before or after, about what they liked or not really, or what they would like to try the next time. At the beginning, Alec was always bright red as soon as the word ‘sex’, left Magnus’ mouth, but now he proposes things too, shares his feelings very openly. Magnus could never be prouder of him.

Magnus kisses both of his hipbones and gets his boxers down while still keeping eye contact. Alec visibly shivers as he’s now completely naked before him. Magnus only smiles and climbs back on top of him to kiss him deeply.

Hands roam around bodies, mouths come together in sloppy kisses and they both just lose themselves in each other’s touch, taste, smell. The sight of Alec’s body in his full glory never fails to make Magnus hot in every way possible. Every time he sees Alec like this he just feels the rapid need to have him closer, to wrap himself around his body and own him. The desire makes his blood thump loudly in his ears and he needs to draw away from their kiss to take a breath and compose himself.

Alec takes the interruption to kiss his neck and suck on his collarbones gently. Magnus feels the pleasant heat building in his gut, growing bigger with any second, so he reaches out to the nightstand’s drawer and pulls out lube and condoms, not able to stop himself any longer.

“What do you need, angel?” He asks in between kisses when he returns to his mouth.

“You.” Alec answers shortly against his lips. “Only you.”

Magnus smiles and kisses him harder, coaxing his fingers with lube and guiding them lower between Alec’s legs till they rest lightly against his entrance.

“Okay?” He questions and Alec sends him an affirmative nod. They return to kissing as Magnus gently slides the first finger in, swallowing Alec’s whine.

They work slowly. Magnus is never rushing this, always wants it to be the most pleasurable for both him and Alec. He delicately withdraws his finger, only to push it back in, stretching him carefully and when he feels he’s loose enough, he thrusts another finger.

Alec pants against his mouth, fingers tangled in his hair, keeping him close with such desperation like he’d never want to let go. Magnus is more than okay with that. He uses his free hand to put it on Alec’s cheek and rub his thumb against it tenderly. Alec opens his eyes for where he’s closed them to focus on the pleasure, and he smiles up at him, bringing their lips together again, just as Magnus guides in another finger.

“Baby, you’re doing so good.” Magnus whispers into his ear and bites down on it lightly. Pushing his fingers further he finally finds the right angle and rubs them against Alec’s sweet spot.

“Fuck, Magnus!” Alec’s hands tighten in his hair as he moans loudly. He bites down on his lip, but Magnus traces it with his thumb and speaks.

“Let me hear you, darling.”

The truth is Alec is very vocal in bed. He can be loud, which Magnus loves, but he tends to be embarrassed about it. Now not so much than earlier, but still. So Magnus always makes sure to let him know how much he adores it when he voices his pleasure out loud.

He’s rewarded with a pleading whimper as he soon withdraws his fingers. He kisses Alec harder, taking the condom and swiftly rolling it on, he positions himself, keeping his balance with his forearms placed firmly on the bed at the both sides of Alec’s head.

“Ready?” Magnus questions and Alec brushes some hair out of his face while he nods.

“Slowly.” He commands lightly and seals their lips together when Magnus enters him. He unhurriedly pushes all the way inside, with Alec’s pleasant moans in his ears. He kisses his neck, trying to ground himself from the overwhelming bliss, struggling not to move immediately, but he knows he needs to give Alec a moment to adjust.

“Can I move?” Magnus asks as he plants another kiss on Alec’s mouth.

“Yes, please.” Alec breathes out and wraps his legs around Magnus’ waist as he rolls his hips leisurely. “Oh, fuck.” He exclaims as they begin to build a rhythm together.

“Good?” Magnus questions as he rocks into him a bit harder. Alec nods with his eyes shut in complete pleasure, but soon they snap open and even though he looks wrecked, his eyes are so full of love and desire.

“Perfect.” He whispers and arches of the bed when Magnus rubs against that special slot of nerves inside him again. “Oh, yes. Magnus, please.’ Alec begs desperately.

“Shh, angel, I’ve got you.” Magnus reassures with another kiss. “You feel so amazing.”

Magnus can’t hold back the groan that escapes him. Alec’s hands seem to be everywhere, sliding against his skin, mapping his muscles, leaving a pleasant trail of shivers everywhere they touch. Magnus thrusts into him a bit harder, which he welcomes with a long moan and ridged breath.

It feels both like an eternity and short seconds, before his movements grow more desperate, moans and whimpers even louder and they’re both getting close to release.

“Baby…” Alec gets out between his harsh breaths. “I’m close.”

“Me too, love.” Magnus kisses him and bites down on his bottom lip, tugging at it with his teeth. “You’re just too good.” He adds in a lower tone and they both chuckle breathlessly.

A few more deep rolls of hips are enough to send them both over the edge. Alec’s whole body tenses up and then relaxes as he lets go. With the pleasant tightness around him as Alec clenches up, Magnus lets himself reach release, sliding his arm under Alec’s back to bring him even closer and hold tightly.

Magnus collapses onto him, still clinging and breathing heavily, placing his palm on Alexander’s heart, feeling its quicker pace. He delicately pulls out, kissing Alec’s chest as he hears his whine.

“Alright, angel?” He asks still trying to catch his breath. He feels Alec nod before he manages to say anything.

“Amazing.” He finally says and Magnus looks up at him. “Best birthday ever.” He adds and they both laugh, but then his eyes turn more genuine than laughing. “Thank you.”

Magnus leans in and places a sweet kiss to his lips. Lingering against his soft skin and brushing their noses together.

“My pleasure.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Let me know all of your thoughts down below and make sure to subscribe to this story if you enjoy it! :) Did you like what Magnus planned for Alec's birthday?   
I'll see you next week with another chapter!


	3. The Shoulder To Cry On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus and Alec spend some time with his siblings. Later Alec has an unexpected encounter...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello :)  
Thank for all of your lovely comments on the past chapters, it really gives me the boost to write :) Today some more scenes with Alec's siblings and maybe we're starting with a bit of angst… Read to find out!
> 
> Enjoy the read!

Alec wakes up to fingers tracing lazy patterns onto his back. He smiles beside himself, before even opening his eyes. As he turns his head, he’s met with his boyfriend’s handsome face.

“Morning, angel.” Magnus greets. He has his head popped on his arm, the other palm resting on Alec’s back, fingers still drawing random shapes onto his skin. It’s feels so nice and delicate that Alec can’t help the content sigh escaping his lips.

“Good morning.” He answers with a yawn.

Magnus has really outdone himself with the birthday surprise yesterday. It was everything Alec could ever want. Some time with his family, then a romantic night with his boyfriend… Magnus knows him the best, that’s a fact. He had such a great time yesterday, it’s hard to recall when was the last time he was so happy.

Everything is just so good recently. He’s doing great in school, has this cool internship, Magnus got promoted… Somewhere deep down Alec feels that the good spirits can’t be with them for long now, that the good times are always equalled with the bad ones, but he doesn’t want to think about it. They had enough of bad times already, the whole last year was a mess.

“How did you sleep?” Magnus prompts from where he’s watching him.

“Great.” Alec replies. “Very, very good.”

“Oh, that good?” Magnus questions with a smirk.

“Someone did wear me out yesterday…” Alec trails off and Magnus lowers himself down on the bed till their faces are only a few inches apart.

“Well, I didn’t hear you complain.” Magnus resorts playfully with a little shrug.

“I would never.” Alec shakes his head amusingly and closes the remained distance between them, till their lips meet in a sweet kiss. Magnus hums against his lips and soon they both smile, pulling apart from each other. “We should probably get up.” Alec grumbles and rolls onto his back.

“Mhm.” Magnus agrees, but doesn’t make an intention to move himself. “Some breakfast would be nice.” He throws him a pointed look.

Alec sighs heavily. He’s right, but the bed is so warm and he has Magnus right next to him… At moments like this, Alec often questions why would he ever leave their bed when he has everything he’s ever wanted here, the man next to him. But then he remembers about other vital functions like eating and such stuff. It’s the same with kissing Magnus, he feels like he never could stop, but then these stupid things like breathing come in a way.

Well, at some point, Magnus is his air. He wouldn’t be able to go on without him.

“No more birthday treatment, I guess?” Alec looks at his boyfriend and bites his lip, a bit seductively, something he knows Magnus has a hard time to resist.

“No.” Magnus just shakes his head, but his eyes stay fixed on his mouth for a longer while before he meets Alec’s eyes. “Sorry angel, your day passed by. We’re going back to normal.” He adds jokingly, shrugging his shoulders in a bit of fake apologetic way.

“Alright.” Alec mumbles as he gets out of bed. “I guess that’s fair.”

He hears Magnus chuckle at his exasperated tone as he leaves the room.

Alec leans against the counter as he waits for the coffee to brew, scrolling mindlessly through his phone. There’s still a few birthday messages he needs to answer, some of them a bit late, but he know it’s the gesture that counts. As he’s in the middle of writing some reply, he gets an incoming call from his sister.

“Hi Iz, what’s up?” He asks as he picks up.

“Oh, everything is great.” Isabelle replies and Alec can’t basically hear the smile present in her cheerful tone. “So, had fun yesterday?” She prompts.

“I did. Thank you so much for coming.” Alec says then.

“We wouldn’t miss it.” Izzy resorts without second thoughts. “Magnus did an amazing job on this, right?”

“Yeah, he’s the best.” Alec states in a dreamy tone.

“So… I can only guess the fun continued when you got home…” His sister trails of playfully and Alec chuckles.

“Not too much I hope!” He hears a voice from the background.

“Yes, we had fun.” Alec answers absently. “Is that Jace?”

“Yeah, and about that…” Isabelle is using her special tone, when she knows Alec might not follow though her next words, but she still tries to be persuasive. “we were wondering when you’re going to use your gift from him…”

“Why? Is the expire date like due to tomorrow?” He questions mockingly.

“Hey!” Jace’s offended voice sounds through the background again and he and Izzy both laugh.

“Well, no. But I don’t know, we thought that maybe if you don’t have any plans, you’d like to do it today.” His sister clarifies.

“And what? Would you like to come and watch?”

“Yes!” Jace yells in the into her phone again.

“We just know how much you used to enjoyed it, and we like to see you happy.” Isabelle continues.

Alec smiles lightly. It’s true, at the age between 12 and 15 he was very consumed by archery. It was a totally random thought to just try it one day and it turned out he’s pretty good. He’s grown to love it, won a few competitions. But then came the times when he started struggling more with himself and his sexuality and it all kind of went away. He just felt like he doesn’t have the strength to keep it going so he gave it up. Later, there was never actually a good time to come back.

But Izzy and Jace liked to watch him train. There were a few times when Alec needed to take Izzy to his practice since their parents simply just weren’t home and he couldn’t leave her alone. Alec was never bothered with the audience. It only made him get more used to the spectators at the competitions. He’s always felt safe enough with his siblings to let them see almost every part of himself.

“Okay, let’s do this.” He agrees and Izzy squeals excitedly.

“Yes! Alright, we’ll be at yours within an hour.”

“Wait, an hour-“ Before Alec manages to finish the sentence the line goes dead and he sighs heavily. Sometimes there’s just no reasoning with his siblings.

Just then, Magnus enters the kitchen. His hair is still a mess, bare-faced, and so devastatingly beautiful that it should be illegal. Magnus in such a natural atelier is one of Alec’s favourite views. He loves him in everything and nothing, but like this he just looks so soft and adorable.

“I’ve just made plans for our morning and afternoon.” Alec announces as he gets back to making breakfast.

“Oh, how so?” Magnus questions as he comes to stand next to him, leaning against the counter.

“Well, I’m gonna use my present from Jace, so we’re going to the gym. Maybe we can grab some lunch afterwards.” He shrugs lightly.

“Yeah, what’s up with that? You and archery.” Magnus asks and wraps his arms around him from behind. “Why you’ve never said anything?”

“You never asked.” Alec throws over his shoulder jokingly and is rewarded with Magnus’ eye roll.

“Right, because we definitely should have a conversation where I just throw every sport I can think of at you, and you answer if you’ve ever tried it.”

“Yep, I bet every couple does that.” Alec states, trying for a serious tone. Magnus just kisses his shoulder and shakes his head amusingly.

“Even if we did that, I’m not sure if archery would come to my mind.” Magnus speaks softly. “It’s not a very common sport.”

“Yeah, well I don’t really know.” Alec begins. “I never liked any team sports and it just spoke to me, I guess? I also had a thing for Hawkeye in 7th grade, so…” He trails off and Magnus laughs.

“Oh, you had a crush on him?”

“Maybe a little.”

“Should I be jealous?” Magnus attempts on a serious tone, but it’s still laced with laughter.

“Magnus, it was 7th grade.” Alec reminds him and turns in his arms to face him. “I’m all yours now.”

“I know.” Magnus says softly and pulls him a bit closer. “And I couldn’t be more thankful.”

Alec smiles and kisses him gently on the mouth. It’s way too early for his heart to melt so much, but here is Magnus making it beat three times faster again with his words.

“Okay, but we need to eat up, since Jace and Izzy are going to be here soon.” Alec turns back to pick up his disregarded task of preparing the food.

“They’re coming too?” Magnus inquires, plastered to his back again.

“Mhm.” Alec hums lightly. “I hope you don’t mind.”

“Darling, it’s your present. You do what you want.” Magnus reminds him. “I’m glad you’re generous enough to bring me.” He adds and Alec laughs.

“Yeah, I don’t really know why you all want to see me fail miserably, but here we are.” He sighs.

“Hey, who says you’re gonna fail?’ Magnus questions surprised.

“I haven’t done this in like eight years.” Alec points out. “I probably forgot how to do it all. I’m out of touch.”

“Isn’t it like riding a bike?” Magnus prompts casually. “You never forget how to do it.”

“I guess we’ll find out.” Alec resorts.

He just hopes he won’t embarrass himself too much.

Soon they all arrive at the gym. Alec had been here a few times, since Jace works here. It’s a nice place, new in town. His brother usually works in the evenings, after his classes and then Alec may sometimes join him for a late work out. In this way, he can spend some time with Jace during their busy schedules.

Alec doesn’t know why, but he feels a bit nervous. It just feels weird to come back to it after such a long time. But some part of him is also excited. And as they enter the track he can feel this tingling sensation under his skin.

“Hey, Jace!” Some guy is approaching them and waving to Jace. He’s tall, muscular, has blonde hair reaching almost to his shoulders, but tied up behind his head. As he reaches them, Jace pulls him into a bear hug.

“Guys, this is Kyle.” He introduces and point at the man who offers a wave. “He trains our group of archers here. I thought that you may need some help and he offered to show you around.” Jace continues and directs his words at Alec. “Kyle, this is my brother Alec, his boyfriend Magnus and my sister Izzy.”

“Hey, it’s nice to meet you all.” Kyle smiles at them all. “Ready to get started?” He asks Alec.

He takes a deep breath, but nods at the end, letting out a little shaky exhale.

“Alright, so let’s get you geared up and the rest of you can go take a seat at the stands. Jace will show you the way.” Kyle informs them furthermore and gestures for Alec to follow him. Before he gets to, Magnus grabs his hand and pulls him a bit closer, planting a sweet kiss on his lips.

“Good luck, darling.” He smiles as he lets him go and Alec reciprocates.

Then he goes to join Kyle as they pick up a bow.

“So, Jace told me you’ve already done it.” The man prompts and glances at Alec from above the equipment.

“Yeah, but it was a long time ago, so…” Alec trails off.

“Don’t worry.” Kyle assures. “It’s just supposed to be some fun. It’s not like you need to hit the bullseye every time.” He adds with a laugh and Alec nods lightly.

He knows that, but back when he was training, he always felt the need to be the best. He wanted to prove to his parents that he’s good at something, anything. But they never really cared about it any way. It was stupid of him to think they would. But it doesn’t matter anymore, he’s here to just have some fun.

“Here, this one should be okay.” Kyle pulls him out of his thoughts as he hands him the bow.

Alec grabs it and immediately feels like something is falling in place. God, he did miss it. Only the weight of the bow in his hand makes him smile at how familiar it feels.

“Ready?” Kyle prompts and sends him a questioning look.

“Yeah, let’s go.” Alec answers more confidently now.

They move back on the track, taking the rightful position in correct distance from the target. Alec glances to his right, where the stands are, and sees his siblings and boyfriend already cheering up for him. Isabelle claps her hands excitedly along with Magnus and Jace shouts so words of encouragement. Alec shakes his head amusingly, but decides to focus on his task now.

Kyle hands him and arrow, and he shakes off lightly one last time, before he begins to pull it on the chord.

“Okay, so you have to-“ He tries to explain what to do, but for Alec it all feels too familiar. He doesn’t really need any guidance, it’s like his movements are mechanic. His hands know what to do themselves, how to pull the arrow exactly to reach the middle of the target.

“I think I remember.” He murmurs in answer and straightens his position, stretching out his arm as much as he can, so the arrow is secured and ready to shoot.

“Alright, you should just lower your shoulders a little.” Kyle instructs and puts his palm on Alec’s shoulder, as the other one is sweeping over his back from where he stands behind him.

Which is totally unnecessary.

“I got it.” Alec says a bit more sharply now and shakes his hand off of him, flexing his shoulders lightly. He steps back and Alec refocuses on his target.

It just comes naturally. He takes one more deep breathe and closes his eyes as he lets the arrow loose.

He can hear the cheers from his right side, but he knows that even if the arrow didn’t hit the target at all, they all would scream anyway.

But somehow, he can feel that he did good. He’s always had this sensation if the shot went right.

When he finally opens his eyes, he sees the arrow’s set right in the middle of the target. He smiles to himself. _Maybe I’m not as out of touch as I thought_, Alec thinks.

“Wow” Kyle exclaims and Alec gazes at him to see him in total shock. “you’re pretty good.”

“Beginner’s luck?” Alec shrugs lightly and reaches for another arrow.

But when it hits the target just right again, he has to admit that it’s not only luck. He’s just good at it, it’s true. He really missed it. This feeling, the excitement, the anticipation when the arrow is on its course for the target, the little swell of pride in him as it lands in the middle.

So he continues. Shooting more arrows. Some land good, some a bit worse, but he his having a lot of fun. At some point, he begins to debate if he should come back to archery seriously now. It would be hard, to reconcile it all with college, his internship. But he does deserves some fun at least. This is great and maybe he should make a habit of it?

Before he knows it, the hour is over and he goes to return the equipment. When he gets back on the track, Magnus basically runs into his arms and hugs him tightly. Alec returns the embrace even if a bit surprised.

“Okay, that was amazing, angel.” Magnus exclaims as he pulls back, but still holds him close. “I mean, you just… you hit the bullseye basically every time!”

“I knew that you’d still do good.” Izzy starts as she and Jace join them. “But damn, brother. It was like you never stopped!”

Alec just shrugs lightly, but feels himself blushing at the wave of praise.

“When you told me your brother had done this before I wasn’t expecting this.” Kyle says to Jace as he comes back from putting the equipment down. “Really, you’re great. I hope we’ll get to see you around here more.” He adds with a cheeky smile.

Alec returns a bit, but feels Magnus’ arm tightening around him a little and as he looks at him, he sees him glaring at the man with heat in his eyes.

“Yeah, maybe.” Alec answers, and then adds a bit more cheekily. “But even if, then I don’t really need a coach.” He resorts and Kyle walks away with one last nod.

As Alec looks back at his boyfriend now, he sees him smiling proudly at him.

“Okay, lunch?” Jace proposes. “There’s this great burger place near here.”

After exchanging a look with Izzy, they all nod, and Magnus states.

“Lead the way.”

A little while later they’re all curled up in a booth at the restaurant. Alec pressed tightly to Magnus' side, his head resting on his shoulder, on one side of the table, with Jace and Izzy at the other as his brother continues to bicker with their sister.

“My present was better than yours…” He trails off in a singing voice and Izzy slaps him on the arm lightly, but in the end they all just laugh.

“Hey, I didn’t even have a chance to use Izzy’s present yet, since you insisted we use yours today.” Alec cuts into their little argument and defends his sister.

“She demanded too!” Jace deflects. “And looks how it turned out…” He adds teasingly and Izzy hits him playfully again.

“Stop it.” She eventually puts an end to it. “Better go get some food. I’m starving.”

“Okay, okay.” Jace sighs and gets up from his spot.

“I’ll go with you.” Magnus says and after pressing a kiss to Alec’s cheek he goes to join his brother on their way to the counter. Alec smiles as his eyes follow them.

“So,” Isabelle starts and he turns back to her. “I’m so glad you enjoyed it.” She smiles and reaches for his hand across the table.

“I really did. But your present is amazing too-“ Alec tries, but she just dismisses him with a laugh and a wave of hand.

“Oh, I know. It’s just some teasing.” She resorts with a shrug. “But speaking of presents, you’ve never really told me what Magnus gave you. Besides, the night of unforgettable pleasure of course…” She trails of teasingly, wiggling her eyebrows but Alec just looks at her mortified.

“Izzy!”

“What? Isn’t that the truth?” She speaks innocently and Alec gives her a nod, but ducks his head as his cheeks go red. “Okay, so what else was it?” She inquires.

“Well…” Alec pulls out his hand and shows of the watch that gleams on his wrist.

Isabelle frowns for a moment, but then gasps suddenly.

“Oh my God, big brother you just gave me a heart attack.”

“What? Why?” Alec asks as he narrows his brows.

Izzy exhales before she answers.

“Well, that watch is amazing, really it’s beautiful.” She begins slowly. “But for a moment I thought that… you know.” She points at his hand.

“No, I don’t know. What do you mean?” Alec questions totally confused.

“Oh, you know. I though that maybe he gave you another piece of jewellery…”

“Which would be?” He still has no idea what she means.

“God, you’re really so clueless sometimes.” Izzy shakes her head lightly. “A ring. I though he gave you a ring.”

“A ring?” He frowns, but the a sudden realisation hits him and his eyes widen. “Oh my God, no. We’re not there yet, Iz.”

He hasn’t even though abut it yet. Proposing, then marriage? Sure, at some point yes. He knows he wants to spend the rest of his life with Magnus, they love each other more than anything, but it’s just not the right time for this sort of arrangements.

“I mean, it’s only been a year basically.” Alec reminds her. Their first anniversary since they’re officially got together is approaching very quickly.

“I know.” Isabelle replies casually. “But if Magnus asked you, just hypothetically, would you say no?”

Of course he wouldn’t. He wouldn’t have a heart to deny him. Especially that he wants this, at some point in his life, he really does. And knowing Magnus, he would probably make it all romantic and just the way Alec would have wanted. He could never really say no to him.

“Of course I would say yes.” Alec answers Izzy after a while.

“So, why not now?” She keeps going.

“Because it’s just not the right time.” He resorts simply. “I mean, I’m still in college, it’s just…” He sighs. “We have all the time we want. I want to take it slow. I love him, so much, and of course we could get engaged now, but that’s not the time for a wedding or something.”

“Okay, these are all valid reasons. I get it.” Izzy replies. “You’re right, you’re still young. You love each other and that’s enough. I’m sorry for starting this, I-“

“Iz, it’s fine.” Alec squeezes her hand a little. “And I promise you, when it happens, you’ll be the first one to know.”

His sister smiles more brightly now.

“Oh, and by the way,” She picks back up after a while. “Magnus got so jealous over this Kyle guy, it was cute.” She laughs lightly.

“What? Why would he?” Alec chuckles as he speaks.

“Please Alec,” Izzy sighs with exasperation. “This guy was ogling you all the time. And let’s face it, you’re a catch so…” She trails of and Alec blushes. “But yeah, really. Magnus lost it at some point. He was like ‘does he have to be so close to him’ like all the time, and when he touched you?” She gasps dramatically. “I thought he was going to explode, or better just run down there and shove one of this arrows somewhere where it shouldn’t be.” She continues in a laughing tone. Alec laughs along with her, but with some reserve.

Magnus doesn’t have a reason to be jealous. Sure, this Kyle guys was a bit unpleasant with all the unnecessary touches, but Alec didn’t notice anything besides that. He wasn’t really paying attention though, he was more focused at the shots. But nothing changes the fact that he would never want anyone other than Magnus. Since they got together, he hadn’t even looked at any other guy. Why would he? When he already has the best one out there. The thought of him with someone else makes him physically sick. All he sees in his future, is Magnus.

Soon, Jace and Magnus return with their food and they all indulge into some small talk. They speak about everything and nothing and Alec loves how Magnus and his sibling are getting along. No matter what, their opinion has always matter a bit to Alec. He wouldn’t like to have a boyfriend who would hate them or vice versa. Of course the most important thing is that they love each other, but it’s really nice for them to be so easy around each other, joking and teasing left and right. Alec doesn’t really think that anyone could dislike Magnus, and those people who do, must be really stupid.

A bit later, after they’re finished eating, Jace spots a pool table at the other end of the restaurant and proposes for all of them to play.

“Oh, you don’t want to play against us.” Alec starts teasingly. “Magnus would crash you. He’s the best at pool.”

“Don’t flatter me so much, darling.” Magnus laughs lightly.

“Well, that must be a lot coming from you.” Isabelle says. “You’re pretty good yourself.”

“Well, Magnus is better.” Alec admits hastily.

“Let’s find out then.” Something mischievous flashes in Jace’s eyes. The truth is, he’s very competitive and he and Alec always used to compete against each other in basically everything when they were kids. But Alec loved it, because no matter who won, they never made each other feel bad about it. “You and me,” He points at Alec. “against Izzy and Magnus, since he’s apparently the best and she’s lame.”

“Hey!” Izzy protests, but her brother just throws her a cheeky smile.

“Don’t worry Isabelle,” Magnus says and winks at her. “we’ll crush them.”

She smiles at him with a glint in her eyes as she gets up.

“Bring it on.”

“We’ll join you in a minute.” Alec gives Izzy a look that indicates that he wants a moment alone with his boyfriend and she nods, as she begins to draw Jace away telling him to set up everything.

“Everything okay, angel?” Magnus questions almost immediately when they’re gone, knowing that Alec wouldn’t just send them away like this if he didn’t want to talk. His hand swiftly finds Alec’s and he gives him a reassuring squeeze.

“Everything is fine, I just…” Alec pauses slightly, lips forming a thin line as he thinks of how to approach it. He decides to just lay it all out. “Izzy told me you got jealous earlier, at the track.”

“Who? Me? I don’t get jealous. I’ve never gotten jealous, it’s-“ Magnus snorts and rumbles on.

“Hey,” Alec stops him and puts his palm on his cheek so he looks back at him. “It’s okay, I just… you have no reason to be. I don’t want anybody else. I’ll never want anybody else. For me it’s only you.” He resorts and Magnus smiles as he covers his palms with his own and leans into his touch a bit more.

“I know, I just don’t like it when someone looks at you in that way.” He replies, his voice laced with anger at this situation, but also some vulnerability.

“What way?” Alec inquires gently.

“Like they want you.” Magnus admits and exhales heavily.

“Baby…”

“I know, I know. it’s stupid-“

“It’s not stupid.” Alec shakes his head and speaks a bit more firmly. He knows that Magnus gets insecure too, but he doesn’t have to. Not about this, because Alec isn’t going anywhere, he’s here to stay and nothing can change that. “Anything that makes you feel even a tiny bit bad isn’t stupid.” He adds and Magnus smiles a bit more genuinely now. “But this is something you never have to worry about, okay? I’m all yours.”

“As I am yours.” Magnus answers and leans in closer to him, a sly smirk making it’s way onto his face. “But maybe you should show me…” He trails off and Alec closes the remaining distance between them to cover his smile with his own.

Magnus pulls him closer, draping his arm around his back, the other holding his face in place as he kisses him deeply, nipping lightly at his bottom lip till he opens up and he can slide his tongue in. Alec welcomes him gladly and places his hands on his waist as he feels the pleasant heat of Magnus’ mouth on his.

They get startled when they hear someone clearing their throat next to them, and after another second the pull away.

“Come on, love birds.” Jace states in a exasperated tone. “They game won’t play itself.”

Alec laces their fingers on their way to the pool table and has a hard time when they actually have to let go.

“Okay, I’m never playing with you again.” Jace states as Izzy and Magnus high-five each other after winning the final round. “You’re the worst.”

“Me? You didn’t really help yourself!” Alec exclaims. Typical Jace, always trying to blame it on his teammates.

“Yeah, but if you didn’t spend the whole time gushing over Magnus, then maybe-“

“Hey, it’s not my fault he’s so distracting!” Alec shrugs.

“He literally, wasn’t doing anything than playing!” Jace resorts.

“So what?” Alec prompts as Magnus stands behind him and wraps his arms around him, resting his head on his shoulder.

“You can’t beat the love, Jace. That’s the true.” He says unapologetically. “Or just the amazing team consisting of me and our dear Isabelle.” He adds and Izzy drops them a wink.

“Yeah, whatever.” Jace waves his hand dismissively, but there’s a smile crawling onto his face. He can deny it all he wants, but Alec knows that he loves to see him so happy. “Rematch?”

“Not today. I think we’re gonna head home.” Alec resorts and Magnus nods in agreement. “It’s been an exciting day.”

“Yeah, totally.” Izzy agrees.

“I’m glad you enjoyed my gift.” Jace says as he pulls him into a goodbye hug. “Admit it, it was better than Izzy’s.” He smirks and Isabelle huffs offended at him.

“I’ll let you know when I try out hers.” Alec claps him on the shoulder and goes to hug his sister, not paying attention to his pouting expression.

“We’ll see you soon.” Alec waves at them after they all exchanged goodbyes and feels Magnus’ arm wrap around him as they march back into the car.

They spend the rest of the weekend just doing nothing and relaxing before the challenging week ahead of them. Before Alec knows it, it’s Monday again, and he finds himself at the university. Classes extend like a total nightmare, but he finally manages to make it to the end. But it doesn’t mean that the work is over for him, he still needs to go to Starkweather’s and do some work, but it’s not like it’s unnecessarily unpleasant. He actually likes working there, because he can get some aspects of his future job in action. It’s nice to see it all from up close.

He’s just exiting the lecture hall after the last class, heading across the campus to get to the subway, when his phone buzzes in his pocket. He pulls it out to see the message.

_Message received: Magnus_

_Good luck at work tonight, mr Future Lawyer. Hope you’ll have fun. Can’t wait you have you back home. _

Alec smiles as he reads over the text. When Magnus knows he’s having an exhausting day ahead, he tends to send him messages like this, just to cheer him up and show his support. Alec’s heart swells for this gesture. It may be a little thing, but it really makes him feel better. His finger hoovers over the keyboard for a second before he starts a reply.

_Message sent: Magnus_

_Thank you, baby. I miss you, can’t wait to come back home to you. _

After a moment he receives a heart emoji in answer and smiles even more. Still looking down on his phone, he suddenly feels himself bumping into someone.

“Sorry.” He says as he slides his phone into the pocket, but when he looks up to see who he collided with, his smile immediately falls down and he freezes.

“Hey, Alec.”

He would always recognize this voice, no matter how hard he’d like to forget. He looks back into the same eyes he’s grown to hate so much and feels all of the memories returning. The memories that he doesn’t want to remember, that he wants to erase, that he’s been trying to erase but is still failing miserably at this task. Seeing him is definitely not helping.

For a few more seconds, Alec stands still, and he doesn’t really think he can move. He shakes his head to regain at least some part of his composure.

“Raj.” He says, dumbly stating the obvious, but he doesn’t find any other words to say. He takes one more look at the man in front of him, wishing that if he looks again he will just disappear like some bad dream that he could just wake up from, but that doesn’t happen.

He sees Raj open his mouth like he wants to start some conversation, but he himself immediately shakes his head. He’s not interested in anything that man has to say. He doesn’t want to hear it, doesn’t even want to see him, and he doesn’t have to.

“I have to go.” He says and picks up on his road, not even looking back when he hears his name being called.

So many thoughts are gathering up in his head, so many memories he tries so hard to dismiss. He spends the whole way to the law firm thinking, but he doesn’t even know exactly about what. Everything is just a mess in his mind, and he wishes he could just focus on something else.

Work helps a bit. When he gets a list of tasks that are expected to be done today, he can just concentrate on that. He busies himself with researching and preparing the right files for Mr Starkweather. It’s good, it’s familiar, but still, he’s not fully over this earlier encounter.

The thing is, he never thought he’d have to see Raj again. After they broke up, he basically disappeared. Alec heard he transferred to NYU, and he was more than okay with that. New York is a big city, and a chance for a run up are very low, especially when their places of work, or school don’t collide. So what the hell is Raj suddenly doing at Columbia’s campus? Is he visiting someone? Alec hopes to God that’s the case, because if he’s back there to study, he’s not sure if he can handle it.

When he saw his face again… everything just hit back. And their relationship doesn’t consist of the best memories. Some of the worst actually. And Alec sees it so clearly now. Since he got together with Magnus, he only realised how bad and unhealthy his relationship with Raj was for him. How toxic and abusive he was. He had no comparison before, but now, when Magnus is begin so loving and amazing with him, when he finally learnt how a normal, good relationship looks, he feels so sick about his times with Raj.

He gets so lost in his own head again, that he doesn’t notice when the elevator stops on the top floor where he’s supposed to carry the documents to Mr Starkweather. He just stands and stares blindly into nothing for a while, before Underhill’s voice brings him out.

“Alec, you okay?” He asks tentatively and looks at him curiously.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Alec answers as he finally gets out of the elevator and joins him, he tries for a smile, but can tell he doesn’t fully succeed.

“Are you sure?” Underhill inquires, still warily. “You look quite shaken up, did something happen?”

Only when he says it, Alec realizes that his hands are indeed shaking. He takes a deep breath and tries to stop the unwanted movement, but it doesn’t really help.

“I’m okay, really. It’s nothing.” He tries to reassure.

“Alright.” Underhill resorts, but Alec can see he’s not fully convinced. “Look, if you’ve got something on you mind and would just like to talk, we can grab a beer after work or something…” He proposes lightly.

“No, nothing’s on my mind.” Alec shakes his head. “I’m just a bit tired, I think I’m just gonna deliver these documents and head home.”

“Yeah, sure.” Underhill nods at him lightly. “I know we don’t really know each other that well, but the offer still stands, if you’d ever like to talk about anything.”

“Thank you, I appreciate it. Really.” Alec states and sends him a small smile. “I have to go now.” He says and gesture towards the office.

“Sure.” Underhill replies. “I’ll see you around.”

Alec nods and exhales heavily as he walks away, trying to compose himself until facing the boss.

He debates if he should call Magnus and ask him to pick him up. He’s sure his boyfriend wouldn’t mind, but he would immediately sense something is wrong. And Alec’s not sure if he should tell him. He saw his abusive ex, so what? It’s not that much of a big deal. There’s still a possibility that this was a one time thing and he won’t see him again. There’s probably no reason to make a sensation out of it. He doesn’t really have to say anything, does he?

In the end, he decides against the idea and just takes the subway. But there’s this weird unpleasant feeling crawling onto his the back of his neck, like Raj is there somewhere behind, crawling onto him. It’s so stupid, but he really feels like he’s lurking at every corner now.

To be honest, it kind of terrifies him.

Somehow, he gets home without any incidents, but only when he steps over the doorway, he know he has to tell Magnus. Secrets almost destroyed things between them once. They promised to be honest and there’s no way he’ll be able to hide how shaken up he’s got, or just lie to him about it. He’s always been a shitty liar, even more when it comes to Magnus. And he doesn’t really want to hide. Deep down he knows that talking about it, especially to someone who he trusts so much as Magnus, may help. And he kind of really needs some help now, or just the theoretical shoulder to cry on.

“Hi, darling.” Magnus’ voice reaches him before he even fully enters the living room. His steps are tentatively slow, like he’s bracing himself for the things he has to share, like he’s trying to buy himself some time to figure it out, just how to start. “How was work?” Magnus asks when he finally emerges into the room, but when he looks up at him, and just like Alec expected, he sees that something is just not right, as his eyes immediately turn worried, maybe even a bit panicked. “What happened, angel?”

He gets up from the couch he’s been seated on to step closer to him, but still keeps a bit of distance, not throwing himself at him. He knows Alec needs some space in moments like this. He just crosses his arms over his chest casually, a posture with which he tries to hide how nervous he actually is.

Alec takes a few more deep breathes, before he feels steady enough to start speaking. Magnus still waits patiently, but Alec notices his questioning gaze that’s still settled on him.

After another exhale he speaks.

“Raj is back.” That’s all he gets out before he feels his voice tremble, because saying these words makes it all even more real.

“Raj?” Magnus questions as his eyes widen a bit. “Your ex Raj?” He inquires and Alec bites his lip nervously, but nods. “How do you know?” Magnus questions furthermore, but Alec can see the hints of uneasiness in his whole posture, like he doesn’t really know what to make out of this yet.

“I bumped into him on the campus tonight.” Alec replies and now Magnus’ expression turn into a full alarmed one.

“Bumped into him? Are you okay?” He steps closer, his eyes raking over his whole form as if looking for any sort of trace of distress. “Did he do anything to you?”

“No, Magnus. I’m okay.” Alec answers and catches his palms as they repeatedly sweep over his arms in a soothing manner. “I’m just…” He pauses, searching for the right words. “I didn’t expect it.”

That’s one of the reasons why it hit him so bad. Because he was totally unprepared. He totally panicked because all of this just came back to him so suddenly that he didn’t even have a minute to think.

Magnus nods, concern still evident on his features and Alec tugs him a bit closer to let him know that it’s okay, that he actually needs the contact now, and Magnus doesn’t hesitate to wrap him in his arms, hugging him tightly.

Alec buries himself in his embrace, and for the first time this evening feels like he can fully breathe when he’s in Magnus’ comforting arms. It’s like this mess in his head has cleared up a little bit now, like he can think clearly and focus on the sensation he feels in this very moment. It all feels so good and safe that he doesn’t even realise he’s crying until a few more tears stain his cheeks.

“Baby…” Magnus pulls back, his face fully alarmed again as he wipes his tears gently with his thumbs.

“No, I’m good, really.” Alec tries to reassure as he sniffles. “I’m fine. I just… I don’t know.”

“It’s okay, you don’t have to explain.” Magnus smiles at him lightly and continues to sweep his fingers over his cheeks reassuringly. Alec nods and hides his face back in Magnus’ neck when he feels another wave of tears.

Magnus keeps on rubbing his back comfortingly, whispering reassurances into his ear and placing a soothing, lingering kiss to his temple. He pulls back after a while, but still holds him close.

“Let’s take a seat, alright darling?” He offers delicately to which Alec nods and together, not fully untangling themselves from their embrace, Magnus leads them towards the couch and the sink down on it. Alec’s head on Magnus’ shoulder, his arm draped around his back, hugging him to his side.

Magnus doesn’t ask anything. They sit in silence, but it’s exactly what Alec wants right now. He doesn’t have any strength to say something more, not without breaking even more.

Alec doesn’t really care about the tears, with Magnus he feels safe enough to let it all out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading and I hope you enjoyed it! Let me know all of your thoughts and theories below :) So some of you have guessed who the mysterious person on the campus was... Do you think he'll cause trouble? Guess we'll find out... I'll see you next week!


	4. The Distraction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus worries about Alec. Later Catarina asks him for a favour and he reflects about his past and possible future scenarios.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi,   
So I hope you're doing fine after the tiny bit of angst last week and that you're enjoying this story! Thank you far all the support :)  
If you feel like it, you can live tweet with #TDOLfic, I'd love to see your reactions!
> 
> Enjoy the read!

Magnus can’t really fall asleep that night.

He doesn’t even know how long he spends looking at his Alexander, peacefully asleep on his side, cheeks flushed, expression soft. Every time this anxious frown begins to crease his forehead in his probably unpleasant sleep, Magnus reaches out with his hand to run it through his hair gently until he relaxes. Minutes, and maybe even hours pass by, but Magnus can’t really bring himself to care.

He hates even the thought of it, of something bad happening again, especially to Alec. He’s been through enough. This isn’t fair for life to treat him like this. His angel doesn’t deserve it.

The only thing he can do, is hope it was a one time thing, that Alec won’t ever come across Raj again. Magnus doesn’t know a lot, he didn’t want to ask. He saw how emotionally drained Alec was, how shaken up the encounter had left him. He knows basically nothing. Just that they bumped into each other. Apparently, nothing else happened.

Which is good, because if that man ever dared to put his hands on Alec, Magnus would find him and he wouldn’t hold back. He’s hurt Alec enough. Alec doesn’t need, or want him in his life ever again, Magnus knows it, and will make sure it stays this way.

Eventually, Magnus gives up and decides to try and steal at least a few hours of sleep. He snuggles closer to Alec, throws his arm around his middle and somehow, sleep overcomes him, but it’s still pretty uneven.

He wakes up before Alec, which isn’t very disturbing. Alec tends to be the early bird between the two of them, but Magnus knows him enough to know that after an emotional and tiring day, he always sleep very long and sometimes doesn’t even feel like getting out of bed. Magnus kind of hopes it won’t be the case today, because that usually means Alec is getting worse.

And it’s been so good recently. For the both of them. Life was just going so smoothly and the last thing he wants right now if for Alec to crawl back into the dark hole of his depression and anxiety, for it to swallow him whole.

Magnus knows that basically the only thing he can do for him now, is just being there for him, support him and do everything to make him feel better. So that’s exactly what he’s going to do.

When he finally manages to get out of bed, dragging himself away from Alec’s warmth, he decides on making them breakfast. Well, Alec has always enjoyed his waffles.

Before he fully gets started, he only managed to set the coffee to get ready, Alec emerges out of the bedroom and offers him a small smile. Magnus reciprocates and without any more words, stretches out his arm to wrap around Alec as he comes closer. His boyfriend drops his head on his shoulder and exhales heavily.

“Good morning.” He murmurs and kisses his shoulder softly.

“Morning, angel.” Magnus says and combs a hand through his hair again, feeling Alec’s relieved sigh against his skin. “How are you feeling?” He prompts gently.

“Okay.” Alec pulls back and nods, but it’s like he can feel Magnus isn’t fully convinced, as he lets another smile, a more bright one creep onto his face and he speaks furthermore. “Really. I’m fine.”

Magnus nods and rests his palm against his cheek.

“Do you want to talk about it?” He asks then.

Alec shakes his head and bites his lip lightly.

“Not yet.” He whispers and Magnus kisses his forehead. “I actually think I’ll go for a run.” Alec decides then.

“Okay.” Magnus easily agrees. He knows that it helps Alec clear his mind a bit, and it seems that’s what he needs now.

“I’ll be back for breakfast.” Alec says and kisses him gently. Magnus gives him one last smile and a nod as he disappears back into the bedroom.

Magnus is glad he can busy himself with preparing the breakfast. He tires not to think about the thoughts that are probably rushing through Alec’s head right now, but the truth is, he can’t just switch himself off. Not when the man he loves feels distressed.

It was supposed to be a good week, and it’s already starting shitty. Magnus intended to throw himself into planning something special for their first anniversary, which is only a few weeks away now. But he can’t focus on that, not yet. He feels that he has to speak to Alec to get more of an outlook on this situation. But he promised himself not to push. Alec will talk when he’s ready, he knows it.

After what feels like hours, but turns out to be around thirty minutes, Alec finally returns. Sweaty and panting he goes straight for their bedroom and Magnus is once again left with that overwhelming silence, until he hears the faint hum of water from the bathroom, meaning Alec is probably taking a shower.

When Alec decided to stop seeing Ragnor, the therapist himself advised to find things and habits that will limit his bad days. Just something frequent, that can make his life steady, some cycle. They both agreed that it’s a good idea and since then they’ve been trying for everything that will lower Alec’s level of stress and will just make him feel good in general. He keeps a balanced diet, exercises the most frequently he can, and usually he knows when things get to much, when he needs a break. And if not, then Magnus is more than familiar with the symptoms now. He sees moments when he needs to come in and urge Alec to slow down. Alexander never really protests, Magnus knows that he’s grateful for it.

And every time Alec’s thoughts get too consuming, he just goes for a run. As if the light hum of wind on his skin might clear it all up. Magnus supposes it’s some way to look at it.

But he himself would neve deny him anything that may make him feel even a tiny bit better. Hell, if Alec asked him to be whisked to another city for change of environment around him, he would probably agree without second thoughts.

When Alec finally comes back to the kitchen he’s shirtless, hair dripping wet, but he offers Magnus a smile which he gladly reciprocates. Magnus is already half-way through his breakfast when Alec joins him. His boyfriend leans on his elbows on the kitchen island when Magnus slides him a plate full of waffles.

“Thanks.” Alec answers softly. He eyes the food for a few seconds, but doesn’t actually start to eat, which really begins to concern Magnus.

“How was the run?” He prompts gently. This whole atmosphere this morning is very tensed and Magnus tries for anything to just ease it up a bit.

“Good.” Alec nods and looks up at him. He exhales heavily before picking back up. “I was thinking… I mean, could we maybe… talk?” He asks and bites his lip.

Alec’s always had troubles with asking for help. Even when it was something as simple as a talk. Magnus is actually glad that he’s the one to propose it first. He nods immediately and rounds the kitchen island to get closer to him as he sinks down onto one of the stools. Magnus stands in front of him and patiently waits till he begins. Alec lets out a long breath and starts.

“First of all, I want you to know, that I’m okay.” He says and their eyes find each other again. “Really, I’m good. I just… it was a total shock yesterday.” He resorts with a shrug. “I haven’t seen him for so long and now he shows up out of nowhere. I panicked, got scared.” He admits and Magnus rests a comforting palm on his shoulder as he listens to him. Alec smiles a little and covers it with his own. “So yeah… you know how safe I feel with you and I just let it all out.” He explains furthermore. “Because I knew you wouldn’t judge, and that was what I needed.”

Magnus nods again and puts his hand on the nape of Alec’s neck, running his fingers lightly over the soft hair there.

“And now I can see how worried you are. I can basically feel it.” Alec continues after a while. “You don’t have to be, baby. I’m okay. As long as I have you, I’m fine.” He states softly.

“You’ll always have me, love.” Magnus says instantly and Alec’s eyes lit up a little. Magnus feels this weird tension slide and some part of his worry let go, because Alec actually does sound okay. And if he’s trying to reassure Magnus, then it’s only another proof of that.

“I’m sorry, if I scared you yesterday.” Alec speaks then, his tone laced with guilt. “I mean, it was a hit. A pretty hard one. But I promise you, basically nothing happened. He looked like he maybe wanted to talk to me, but I don’t want to hear anything he has to say, so I just walked away. And there was this moment when I thought I was gonna break, but then when you held me… I realised that it’s going to be okay.”

“Angel, don’t feel sorry about this.” Magnus shakes his head lightly as he looks down on him. “I am always there for you. Even if just to hold you. I’m glad I could make it better.” He brings him closer, arms wrapping around his back till Alec buries his face in Magnus’ chest. From this angel, when Alec is seated and he stands, embracing him tightly, Magnus has the perfect opportunity to drop a kiss on top of his head, and so he does.

It may sound stupid, but Magnus believes that as long as they’re together, they really can get through everything. Their each other’s rocks, the comforting presence that always surrounds them.

They stay like this for a while. Alec’s arms wrapped around his waist, Magnus’ own still draped around his back and he inhales deeply, the smell of Alec’s sandalwood shampoo, their shampoo, tickling his nose gently and he smiles because he adores it so much. Alec is okay, that’s all that matters. And Magnus feels this incredible pride swell inside him for his boyfriend, because he’s handling it so good.

Alec places a kiss to his chest as he pulls back lightly and looks up.

“I love you so much.” He grins up at him and Magnus leans down to brush their lips together softly.

“I love you too, darling.” He says when they part. “Will you eat now?” He moves the long forgotten plate closer to him, sending him a questioning look.

“Yeah, actually I’m starving.” Alec replies with a laugh and Magnus hums with a smile.

“Are you going to classes today?” Magnus questions as Alec finally starts on his breakfast. His boyfriend nods before swallowing a mouthful of food and then speaks.

“Yeah, I’m good. I can handle it.”

“Alright, but I’m driving you and picking you up.” Magnus more states than asks and Alec rolls his eyes.

“Magnus…”

“What?” None of them has prompted the subject of why Raj was at the campus yesterday and Magnus is not sure if he should. It might have been a total coincidence, but if he’s there to stay for longer. Magnus wants to be sure that Alec will get home safely, just in case. But an idea is actually forming in his head on how he can find out what Raj was doing there yesterday… “I have work at nine anyway.”

Alec throws him a resigned gaze, but he knows damn well that Magnus is no letting go, so eventually he just sighs and nods. Magnus offers him a bright smile, kisses his head one last time and goes to get ready for the day.

“Who are you ghosting?” Dot asks when she comes back from her break, just as Magnus clicks the ‘decline’ button and tosses his phone away, refocusing at analysing the current sample under the microscope.

“No one.” He answers without even looking up, but can feel his friend’s eyes drilling into him, so with a sigh to turns to her and adds. “Really, it’s just some unknow number.”

“The same that’s been calling you for basically a week now?” Dot speaks and Magnus frowns, sending her a confused gaze. “What? I have eyes, Magnus. I can see you declining these calls.”

“Well, whoever calls me doesn’t have a great sense of time. I’m at work, I have to focus.” Magnus resorts with a shrug. “It’s probably just some persistent advertiser.”

“Yeah, they must be very stubborn if they’re calling you for the whole week, a few times a day even.” Dot says. “Aren’t you a bit curious?”

“No.” Magnus answers simply and comes back to work.

The truth is, that he is curious. Only a bit. But there’s this weird feeling at the back of his head, this voice that tells him not to pick up, because he won’t be happy about the caller. Magnus decides to listen to it. And it actually is a very unfortunate time for a call. He has a lot work to do, it’s just disturbing.

Dot rolls her eyes at his response, but Magnus decides to ignore it.

“Next time they'll call I’m going to pick up your phone, I swear.” She says with an exasperated sigh. 

“That’s an invasion of my privacy, my dear.” Magnus tells her with a triumphant smile. “I could sue you for it.”

“Oh, don’t be so smart, just because you’re dating a lawyer doesn’t mean you can scowl me like that.” Dot spats him on the arm lightly, but then they’re both laughing. “How’s Alec, by the way?”

“He’s great.” Magnus is relived at the change of subject, but talking about Alec is not very appealing now, since he’s not planning on telling Dot about all of those things bothering him now. It’s personal and as much as Magnus is happy Alec didn’t hide his encounter with his ex from him, he’s not gonna just spill about it to anybody. He just smiles at his friend and she reciprocates, then they finally get back to work.

When the time comes for his lunch break, Magnus quickly exits the lab and goes straight for his car. He has only forty minutes tops so he needs to be fast. He’s lucky enough that the university is close to Alicante’s company building.

Before he knows it he takes the last turn and is back at the driveway again. As he leaves the car he’s about to pull out his phone, but just then he sees the exact person he’s been looking for. No wasting anymore time he comes closer.

“Lydia.” He calls out and the girls stops in her tracks and turns to face him, a smile making its way up to her face.

“Magnus, hi.” She greets and takes a few steps closer to him. “Alec is in the library, I was just going to join him, so-“ She beings, but Magnus shakes his head and cuts her off.

“I’m actually here to speak with you.” He says and Lydia’s expressions sharpens a bit.

“Why? Is everything okay with Alec?” She questions, now genuinely worried. “I didn’t notice anything-“

“Alexander is fine.” Magnus quickly dismisses her concern. “But I just… I have a matter that I’d like to discuss with you.”

Lydia considers him for a moment, her eyes tracing his face precisely, but in the end she nods.

“Sure.” She agrees. “But we have like fifteen minutes tops, because otherwise Alec will realize something is up. I’ll text him I’m going to get coffee.”

“Alright, perfect.” Magnus resorts and they start on their way to the coffee shop, while Lydia pulls her phone and texts Alec to let him know she’ll be late.

“Okay, so what’s the matter?” She prompts as they leave the campus and turn right to get to the place nearby.

“Well, I don’t really know how to put it…” Magnus trails off, thinking of the best way to approach this conversation.

“Then you better think of something, because we don’t have much time.” Lydia reminds him as he opens the door to the coffee shop and lets her in first.

“Okay, so Alec had a little run up with someone on the campus yesterday.” He begins and Lydia throws him a quizzical gaze.

“With who?”

“His ex-boyfriend. Raj.” Magnus admits and Lydia looks at him for another second before she drops her gaze and exhales heavily.

“So he already knows.” She says in a lower tone, more like to herself.

“What?” Magnus asks and with another sigh she turs her attention back to him.

“I know that Raj is back.” She confesses and it’s Magnus’ turn for his eyes to widen in surprise.

“What? Since when?” He questions further.

“Since Friday.” She replies, a bit of guilt slipping into her voice. “I saw him on the campus too. But I couldn’t tell Alec then. It was his birthday, I didn’t want to ruin it. I wanted to tell him, I promise. But firstly, I wanted to find out if he’s here permanently or something.”

“It’s okay, Lydia. I get it.” Magnus puts his palm reassuringly on her shoulder and she flashes him a small smile. “So, did you find anything out about him?”

“No yet. I’m in the process of doing that.” Lydia states. “But I guess that if he was here on Friday, then yesterday…” She trails off, but Magnus knows what she means. And it’s probably the worst scenario, because if he’s back for good… “You know, I hoped Alec wouldn’t see him yet. Just until I’d have it figured out. It’s a big campus, but… now I wish I could have warned him.”

“Lydia, you just wanted the best for him.” Magnus says comfortingly.

“Yeah.” She shrugs lightly, but still sounds a little guilty. “So it was the matter you wanted to discuss?”

“Basically.” Magnus exhales. “I mean, I wanted to ask you to check this all out and find out some stuff. Alec always tells me that you have eyes and ears on the whole campus, so I figured you’re the best person to ask about this. But I guess you’re already doing that.” He smiles and she returns.

“Well, yeah. It bugs me too, you know. That he’ll be this close to Alec again.” She resorts and shakes her head. “I wonder why he’s back. Really, something isn’t right.”

Magnus inspects her expression as she scrunches her face deeply in thoughts. He can basically see them turning around in her head through her eyes.

“Haven’t you ever thought of becoming a detective, Lydia?” Magnus asks with a bit of amusement. “I feel like you’d be good at it.”

“Thanks.” Lydia laughs lightly. “But I’m all for law. I guess I’m just a woman of many talents.” She shrugs and Magnus nods. There’s a moment of silence before he speaks again.

“So, can I count on you to inform me when you’ll figure this out?” He questions.

“Yeah, sure. I’ll let you know.” She resorts with another smile.

“Thank you.” Magnus gives her a quick hug. “Really. I just want Alec to be safe.”

“I know.” She agrees.

“I should go now.” Magnus says as he checks the time. “Thank you so much again.”

“It’s not a problem.” Lydia replies, the corners of her lips quirking lightly again.

Magnus tries not to think of what a disaster this whole thing can resolve in. If Raj is back here for good… it’ll be very hard to deal with it. The campus may be big, but still. He’s too close to Alec for Magnus’ liking, too close for Alec himself.

All he can do is hope that some information Lydia will give him, will be positive.

Fortunately, no one notice his little disappearance at work. He can’t really allow himself breaks now, they have a lot of work, and his teammates in the lab always expect some guidance from him. He’s kind of their boss, but never uses it against them, only in some jokes and teasing.

Today, Magnus is very driven and focused. He doesn’t let himself have more breaks, since he needs to finish everything on time and pick Alec up. Luckily, no one disturbs him. His friends continue to do their work, not questioning his verve today, and no more incoming phone calls interrupt him.

Soon, he finally finds himself exiting Alicante’s building. Just as he’s about to climb into his car, his phone buzzes in his pocket. He rolls his eyes, expecting it to be the same unknown number as earlier, but when he checks, he’s found with another caller.

“Hello my dearest Catarina.” Magnus greets after picking up.

“Hi, Magnus.” Cat starts and he can hear some nervousness in her tone.

“Is everything okay?” He prompts then.

“Yes.” Catarina answers a bit too fast. “I mean, no. Not exactly.” She exhales heavily.

“Okay, what’s up?”

“Well, I’ve just found out about this nursing convention happening this weekend, and apparently it’s very important and can even lead me to a better position if I attend…” She begins to explain.

“That’s amazing, Cat!” Magnus exclaims, but still, his friend doesn’t sound too excited.

“Yeah, it’s great. But I have a problem.” She admits.

“Alright, what is it?” Magnus questions and after another sigh, Cat replies.

“It’s in Boston and will take the whole weekend. I’ll probably be back Sunday night. But my usual babysitter can’t make it this time. And I can’t take Madzie with me, so-“

“Say no more.” Magnus interrupts gently. “Me and Alec will gladly take her for the weekend.”

“Really?” Cat inquires, her tone already filled with so much gratefulness.

“Sure, it’s not a problem.” Magnus resorts simply. “Really, she’s an angel. It’ll be fine. Of course if you’re sure about this.”

“You two are basically the only people I trust with her.” Cat states sternly. “Of course I’m sure. The question is if you’d really do this-“

“Of course we will.” Magnus doesn’t even let her finish. “I assure you. It’s no trouble. Go and do your job.”

“You’re an actual life saviour Magnus.” Cat says with an relieved exhale. “Thank you so much. Can I drop her of Saturday morning?” She asks.

“Sure, that will be perfect.” Magnus answers lightly.

“Thank you, really. I don’t know how I will ever repay you.”

“Don’t worry about it. It’ll be our pleasure.” Magnus states and after establishing some more details and a few more words of gratitude from Cat, they hang up and Magnus gets on the way to pick up his boyfriend.

A few minutes after Magnus pulls over at the university’s driveway, Alec climbs into the car and greets him with a soft kiss. He smiles as he fastens his seatbelt and Magnus sets their course on the way home.

“How was your day?” He asks and glances at his boyfriend while they’re driving.

“Fine.” Alec shrugs a little, but sends him a reassuring smile. “All good.”

Magnus nods and then there’s a few moments of silence. Magnus knows that if Alec had another encounter with Raj, he would tell him. The fact that he hadn’t seen him today makes him kind of relived, but still, he’s nervous about what Lydia might find out about this whole situation.

“So, how was your lunch?” Alec prompts a while later and something about his tone tells Magnus that he’s insinuating something.

Of course Lydia told him, she’s his best friend. And was Magnus planning on it? He’s just praised Alec for his honesty in his mind, meanwhile he… He would tell him, but probably after he knew more.

Well, now it doesn’t matter.

“Lydia told you.” He just resorts with a heavy sigh.

“Only because I asked her about the same thing.” Alec says and Magnus is glad that the light turns red so he can look at him.

“What?”

“I asked her, if she could check on this too.” Alec explains as if it was the simplest thing in the world, but Magnus keeps giving him a slight confused look. Alec exhales deeply and then carries on. “I want to know what I stand on too. If he’s here for good or…” He trails of, but now Magnus gets what he means.

And it makes so much sense that Magnus can’t believe he didn’t thought of it. Of course Alec is worried about this too, and of course he wants to know what’s up. It’s so obvious now. But when they spoke in the morning some part of Magnus just felt like Alec was going to avoid this subject further on and just cut himself of from that, not wanting to bring up those memories. That’s why he didn’t want to ask more about it, not to trigger those memories at some point.

“I just want you to be safe.” Magnus says, because he’s not sure what to say. He sets his eyes back on the road. “To feel safe. That’s why I asked Lydia, I just wanted to know-“

“I know.” Alec cuts in gently, his voice soft. “Thank you. I guess we all just had the same idea.” He chuckles lightly and Magnus mirrors the sound. “I get that you want to protect me, but I’ll be fine.”

Magnus nods, but to be honest, he’s not so sure about Alec words. Begin around a person who treated you badly, abused you, it can’t be easy. He knows Alec is strong, the strongest person he knows, but it will take away his comfort and feeling of safety. Magnus doesn’t want that.

“Right now I don’t want to think about it.” Alec speaks then, shaking Magnus out of his thoughts. “I just need some… distraction. Till we figure this out.”

“I might be able to help with that.” Magnus begins to which Alec sends him a curious look.

“How so?” He asks.

“Catarina called. She’s got some nursing convention this weekend, and since she can’t bring Madzie with her, sweet pea is staying with us.” He explains casually. “That is, if you don’t mind of course.”

He didn’t really ask about Alec’s opinion before agreeing, but he’s pretty sure he knows the answer.

“Yeah, sure.” As expected, Alec is on board with the plan. “It will be fun. We can go to the zoo, or something.”

Magnus hums in agreement and then feels Alec putting his palm down on his, that’s resting on the stick shift, in a manner that’s become so familiar to the both of them. It’s like Alec just wants to be the closest to him, it doesn’t matter they’re pressed basically next to each other in a metal box, Alec needs to feel his touch, his skin. And Magnus is more than pleased with that.”

As established, Catarina shows up at the loft Saturday morning. As soon as Magnus opens the door, he’s greeted with Madzie running into his arms, so he hugs her tightly.

“Hi, sweet pea.” He says, pulling back to straighten the little scarf on her neck and smiling brightly.

“Thank you so much for letting her say with you.” Catarina exclaims one more time when Magnus gets up from where he’s been squatting to hug the little girl.

“Oh, I told you. It’s all our pleasure.” He states and embraces his friend in greeting.

“Hey, Alec!” Madzie’s voice sounds and when Cat and Magnus turn to look at her, she’s already sprinting to the living room, where Alec is waiting with open arms, lifting her up as soon as she runs straight into them.

“Hi, Madzie.” He stands up from the floor just as Catarina and Magnus are approaching. “Cat.”

“I assure you, she’s in good hands.” Magnus tells his friend one more time, but can’t bring himself to take his eyes of off his boyfriend and his little nice in his arms.

He’s always known that Alec is good with children. Could see it in the way he took care of Max. Alec is a true caretaker, that’s a fact. He would never leave somebody in need and he’s just always ready to help. Magnus loves this about him, but at the same time, he wishes Alec would pay a bit more attention to his own needs. He should come first, but his boyfriend tends to forget about that, always putting other people above himself.

“I’m sure of it.” Catarina easily returns his smile.

“What do you say we go to the zoo today?” Alec proposes Madzie, who squeals excitedly in his arms. “Yeah, have you ever been there?” He carries on, moving to sit on the couch, still deeply indulged into the conversation with the little girl about her favourite animals.

“Looks like you have plans.” Catarina resorts and Magnus finally managed to turn and face his friend. She gives him a pointed look, but it’s nothing but fond for the affection that Magnus shows for Alec. He knows Cat’s used to this by now.

“Yes, if you’re okay with that, of course.” Magnus speaks. “We’ll be careful.”

“Oh, that’s totally okay. Madzie’s been asking me to take her to the zoo for long now. I’ve just never really had the time.” Cat resorts with a light shrug. “I’m happy you’ll take her.” She smiles.

But as Magnus looks at his friend, he only now notices how exhausted she looks. He can only suspect how hard it is, to work, raise a kid and also find a bit more time for herself in this whole cycle. He knows she loves Madzie, deeply, but it doesn’t change the fact that it’s quite of a challenge to constantly take care of her on her own, especially considering the girl’s difficult past. Catarina is doing a great job at that, and Magnus is really proud of her.

“What do you say, that we drop Madzie off at yours Monday morning?” He proposes then.

“What? No, I’ll be back Sunday evening, there’s no reason-“ Cat shakes her head, but Magnus swiftly interrupts.

“You deserve a night off. Take some time for yourself.” Magnus explains lightly. “It really isn’t any trouble. I’ll drive her to yours before work, how does that sound?”

Catarina seems to think for a bit, but then it’s Magnus’ turn send her a glare, telling her that he doesn’t take no for an answer.

“Okay.” She agrees finally, but rolls her eyes. “But if you change your mind, just call me-“

“I won’t.” Magnus doesn’t let her finish, chiming in in an exasperated tone, but then adding more fondly. “I’m always her to help you, okay? We both are, Alec and I.”

Cat smiles at him gratefully, her eyes shining a bit. Magnus just hugs her tightly again, expressing his undying support and pride.

Alec has put Madzie on his shoulders, carefully supporting her weight with his hands as they walk down the allyes through the zoo. They keep passing various animals and all laugh while trying to imitate the sounds they make. Magnus haven’t had that much fun in a long time, and it only increases as he looks at his boyfriend’s and niece’s cheerful smiles.

“What did you enjoy the most, Madzie?” Magnus asks as they slowly keep strolling down to the exit.

“Everything!” The little girl exclaims happily. “The flamingos are so pretty! And the tigers!”

“They certainly are.” Magnus agrees and smiles even wider. He’s so glad they managed to spend some fun time.

“Can we go see the giraffes again?” Madzie pleads. “Pretty please?”

Magnus looks at her pleading eyes and even though he knows they should probably go back home since it’s getting late, he can’t really disagree with those cute puppy eyes. He glances at Alec, but only sees him struggling to disobey the request too, so he decides.

“Alright, just quick.” He finally answers and Madzie’s excited ‘yay!’ is all he needs as a reward.

“The last one cleans up after dinner!” Alec exclaims and speeds down the aisle, leaving Magnus with the pleasing sound of Madzie’s giggles. He rolls his eyes affectionately and follows, still not able to keep the grin out of his face.

“You’re daughter is so adorable.” He suddenly hears a voice say on his right and turns to see a woman, who’s not older than thirty, pushing a stroller down the alley next to his. The baby boy sitting in there must be not older than two. The woman smiles warmly at Magnus as she adds. “You and your husband must be overjoyed.”

Magnus takes a moment to register her words and when it all clicks, his eyes widen a bit and he shakes his head before finding his ability to speak again.

“Oh, no.” He says and shakes his head amusingly. “He’s my boyfriend and it’s my niece, but she is indeed the most adorable.” He smiles and can see the slight guilty expression on the woman’s face as she rushes to apologize.

“I’m so sorry, I just assumed. I’m sorry.” She says quickly, but Magnus dismisses her words with a wave of hand.

“It’s okay.” He assures.

“I guess you’re just looking at him with so much love.” She continues with another smile.

He can’t deny that it’s nice to hear this kind of a praise. No everyone can be so accepting and just warm as this woman is. They still live in a world that is so full of hatred and intolerance. Some people still think that it’s ridiculous for people like them to ever raise a child, so to see a person so openly sharing the support for the community, it really fills Magnus with some kind of hope.

“Thank you.” He just answers the woman, still a bit lack of words, and mirrors her smile.

“Enjoy the rest of your day.” She replies and takes turn into another alley.

“You too.” Magnus calls out after her and quickly catches up to Alec and Madzie, the smile still fairly present on his features, and he’s pretty sure it’ll be a while till it comes off.

“Everything okay?” Alec prompts as he joins them. Madzie is now in his arms and she continues to stare at the giraffes with true amazement in her eyes.

Magnus gently cups his boyfriend’s face, to which he immediately relaxes a bit and leans into the touch.

“Everything is perfect.” He answers and a bright smile paints its way to Alec’s features.

“You're almost as tall as the giraffes, Alec!” Madzie resorts and they all laugh, as he tickles the girl lightly till she squeals in his arms.

“Yeah, maybe one day you’ll be as tall as them.” Alec says jokingly.

“That tall?!” She questions with disbelief, her eyes big.

“Maybe even taller…” Magnus trails off and they all walk down further, the pleasant laughter surrounding them.

Yeah, everything really is perfect.

When they finally return home, it’s pretty late. They settle on ordering pizza, to everyone’s contentment and just seat on the couch, introducing Madzie to Disney movies. This whole day has been really great, filled with some relaxing time with his favourite people, Magnus thinks that it’s a perfect ending.

“Babe,” Alec begins from where he’s resting in Magnus’ arms, his head pillowed on his chest. Magnus’ hand is abstinently running through his hair in a soothing manner. It’s so natural for him that he doesn’t even notice he’s doing it, until Alec shifts to look up at him. Magnus hums lightly, glancing at Madzie and seeing her engaged in the movie, her big eyes settled on the screen. Magnus then looks down on Alec and waits till he speaks. “I have to study a bit.” He sighs. “I have an exam on Monday.”

“Can’t you do it tomorrow?” Magnus proposes gently, but Alec shakes his head.

“It’s too much material. I need to split it, I won’t be able to go through it one day.” He explains, sounding a bit guilty.

“Okay.” Magnus agrees and kisses the top of his head. “Then go, we’ll be fine here. If you need anything you know where to find me.” He smiles reassuringly, till Alec’s expression softens.

“Alright.” Alec kisses him on the lips delicately and Magnus’ eyes follow him till he disappears in the bedroom.

Madzie doesn’t seem to notice any changes, still engrossed in the movie. Only when it ends she seems to realize Alec’s absence as she looks around, but then asks when she doesn’t spot him.

“Where’s Alec?”

“He needed to study a bit.” Magnus answers and the girl nods thoughtfully. She looks pretty deep in her thoughts, before she speaks again.

“He’s still in school?” She sounds surprised, her face scrunching up cutely as if she can’t figure it out. Magnus nods to answer her question. “But he’s adult.”

“Well yeah, but not only children go to school.” Magnus explains. “Alec is studying to become a lawyer.”

“A lawyer?” Madzie prompts intrigued.

“Yeah, he’s going to help bring people to justice.” Magnus says and Madzie’s face lits up and she looks at him with wide eyes.

“Like a superhero?” She asks and Magnus lets out a brief laugh.

“Yeah, kind of.” He answers in a laughing tone. “He’s for sure my hero.”

“Are you still in school, uncle Magnus?” Madzie questions next. She seems pretty interested about this subject.

“No, not anymore.” Magnus shakes his head lightly. “I’m working now.”

“Like mommy?”

“Yes, but my work is totally different.” He says and Madzie clearly waits for some elaboration since she’s still eyeing him curiously. “I’m a chemist. I mix up some potions to create stuff like, for example cosmetics.”

“Mommy likes cosmetics.” Madzie resorts with another nod, looking down for a moment and thinking again, before he eyes return to Magnus again. “You think I can be a chemist too?”

“You can be whoever you want to be, sweet pea.” Magnus states and runs his hand over her unruly, messy hair, making a soft smile appear on her lips. “You have a lot of time to figure it out. And in the meantime, we can watch another movie.” He reaches for the remote just as the excitement begins to dance in Madzie’s eyes once more. “What would you like?”

“Something with princesses!” The girls exclaims excitedly and Magnus chuckles.

“Princesses it is then.”

Magnus didn’t really have a family after his mother’s death. There was always only him and her. No aunts, uncles, brothers or sisters. No father. Well he was somewhere out there, but just not caring. Every attempt of trying to contact him didn’t end up well for Magnus, so he decided to cut it off. And he was fine with it. Apparently, not everyone is meant to have a loving and caring family. Magnus found his own. His friends became his chosen family, and this is enough.

But there were moment when he asked the world why. Why his father didn’t care? Why didn’t he have a normal family? Why the only person who loved him it this world needed to go? He never got any answers, but he supposes it’s okay. Maybe he wouldn’t like them anyway.

Has he ever thought about starting his own family? No. Not earlier, at least. Not before Alec. He thought he’d be terrible at it, since he’s never had a ture father figure. He doesn’t know how to be a father. Or didn’t. Because Catarina might have been right, Madzie is good practice for him.

He’s never thought he would spoil someone so much, but this little girl deserves the best and he plans to give it to her. She already has an amazing mother. He’ll do everything to become the best support to his best girls.

They are half-way through watching ‘Mulan’, when Madzie turns to him.

“I’m hungry.” She states.

“It’s kind of late, you shouldn’t eat right before sleeping and it’s time for bed soon.” Magnus says, but almost gives in under her puppy eyes again. _No_, he reminds himself. He can’t be that compliant. 

“Mom usually gives me some warm milk before bed.” Madzie shrugs. “Can I get some please?”

“Sure thing, sweet pea.” Magnus replies and gets up from the couch. “I’ll be right back. You stay here and watch the movie okay?” He orders gently and the girls nods.

He moves to the kitchen to prepare the drink. Shortly, he comes back and finds Alec back on the couch with Madzie, who’s telling him what’s been happening in the movie. Magnus smiles and observes the scene for a while, before fully emerging into the room.

“There you go.” He hands Madzie the mug. “How’s studying going, darling?” Turning to Alec he asks him.

“Fine. But I think I’m done for tonight.” He resorts. “It’s getting late.”

Magnus nods and drops a kiss to the top of his head, before dropping down on the couch next to him.

“Alec, can you braid my hair?” Madzie asks after taking a sip of her milk.

“Sure.” Alec answers without a hesitation and Magnus gives him a surprised look. “What?” He questions amusingly.

“Nothing, I just… do you know how to do it?” He tries gently. Alec’s hair is always a mess. Not that Magnus would want him to braid it, but he doesn’t look like someone who has any kind of hairstyle experiences. “Maybe I could-“

“Oh, you don’t think I can?” Alec mocks with fake offence. Magnus shakes his head and wants to say something, but Alec just adds confidently. “Then watch.”

Madzie settles in his lap after Alec brings the hairbrush and some hairbands. Magnus observes as he delicately brushes her hair, with some kind of precise focus that is kind of funny for such task, but he doesn’t comment on it.

Then Alec starts braiding the strands and Magnus finds himself kind of speechless for the easiness that he does it with. His fingers are moving surely and precisely. It doesn’t take him a lot of time to finish the first one and move on to the next.

“How did you learn to do it?” Madzie asks, taking the words right out of Magnus’ mouth. “You’re a boy.”

Alec laughs lightly, not stopping his task as he speaks.

“Well, I have a sister that also likes braids.” He begins to explain. “And when she was little, she couldn’t quite do it herself. So I kind of had to.” He shrugs.

“That’s so sweet, angel.” Magnus says as he’s still watching him. Alec looks up briefly and smiles. It’s obvious that little Isabelle had something to do with this. Magnus’ heart melts when he imagines small Alec braiding her hair before going to bed.

“Can I have a sister?” Madzie questions then. “I feel it could be fun.”

They all laugh again for a moment, but then Magnus answers.

“Well, that’s up to your mom.” He decides and Madzie nods, but then speaks again after a while.

“Will your babies be my brothers or sisters?”

Alec abruptly stops at his task, kind of frozen and he casts Magnus’ another a bit shocked look, which Magnus is pretty sure he mirrors. There’s a moment of silence when none of them seems to find their voices, but then it’s Alec who breaks it and picks back up with braiding the hair, focusing his gaze there.

“They’ll be more of your cousins.” He says and doesn’t looks up, but Magnus can see the hint of blush on his cheeks.

He just gapes at him, because… they haven’t spoken about it and here he is. Just acknowledging the fact that they are going to be parents in the future. Is he only saying this to answer Madzie’s question or does he really mean it. Magnus can’t place his thoughts and he just sits frozen, his eyes stuck on Alec, but he still doesn’t look up.

“Cool.” Madzie resorts with a shrug and they continue to sit in silence for a while, the movie on TV the only sound.

“Okay, all done.” Alec states after finishing up doing her hair. “Is this okay?”

“Awesome. Thank you!” Madzie exclaims and hugs him. Alec hugs back and smiles.

“Alright, go brush your teeth and I’ll read you a story before going to sleep, how does that sound?” Alec offers and the girls nods impatiently. “Okay, go on.” He says and Madzie hops of his lap and marches to the bathroom.

Alec exhales heavily and finally looks at Magnus, he’s still staring at him, lack of words. He clears his throat and Alec seems to grow insecure under his gaze, since his eyes drop again.

“So…” Magnus trails off, not sure what to say.

“I’ve always wanted children.” Alec says bluntly, his sight focused on his lap. “In the future, I mean. And you’re my future. I mean…” He pauses and lets an frustrated sigh escape his lips. Then his eyes snap back to Magnus again. “In every version of my future… I see you. There’s no way you’re not there. But it’s fine if you don’t want it. We’ll figure it out. I mean, there’s still time. It’s not like it would be happening anytime soon-“ He keeps on rumbling and Magnus shakes his head amusingly before surging forward and shutting him up with a kiss. Alec’s further words die on his lips as soon as they’re pressed tightly against Magnus’.

“I want children too.” Magnus states against his lips. “In the future. With you.”

“Really?” Alec asks with some kind of disbelief in his tone. His eyes are mirroring the emotion when Magnus pulls back to look at him.

“Of course.” He declares in a soft voice. “You’re my future too.”

Alec smiles and pecks him on the lips again.

“Good.” He resorts and Magnus chuckles at the simplicity of this statement. None of them says anything next, but this big grins are still plastered on their faces.

“You know,” Magnus starts then and Alec looks at him curiously. “a woman in the zoo today mistaken Madzie for our daughter and you for my husband.”

Alec lets out a sound between a gasp and a snort, and Magnus is not sure how to interpreted it.

“Okay…” Alec just trails of with laughter in his tone and something twists in Magnus’ stomach.

“You… don’t want to get married?” He asks worriedly and Alec gives him a shocked expression.

“What? No!” He starts and Magnus grows even more horrified. “I mean, of course I want to! Of course I do.” Alec rushes out and Magnus kind of feels like he can breathe better. It wouldn’t be bad if Alec didn’t want it, just… Magnus has always had this kind of dream life made up. Something he knew he’d never have. It just wasn’t possible. Marriage, kids… but now with Alec it is.

“Just not yet.” Alec carries on and Magnus breaks out of his thoughts. “I mean, I want my life to be kind of settled when we do that. And now, I’m still in college… we’ve got time, right?”

“Of course.” Magnus takes his hand in his and gives it a reassuring squeeze. “We do it, when we feel like it.”

“Great.” Alec exhales somehow relieved. Magnus feels the same, because since they have this figured out, it put some things into perspective. And the future seems bright. Brighter than ever.

And when later that night Magnus watches from the doorway as Alec read a bedtime story to Madzie, he resorts that he’s really the best thing that has ever happened to him. That Alec is the best choice he’s ever made. And that one day, he’ll get to witness this kind of view basically every night.

No matter when it comes, Magnus will be ready.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I hope you liked it, and if you did, make sure to let me know all of your thoughts in the comments! :) Leaving on a lighter note today. How do you think malec did with babysitting Madzie? And what mysterious person has been calling Magnus... I'll see you next week with a new chapter!


	5. The Discovery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maryse has some news to announce to the family, an unexpected proposition is made. Lydia gives Alec some disturbing information and later, he has to reveal them to Magnus...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello,  
Wasn't sure if I'd managed to update today, but here I am! Quite happy that I didn't break my updating cycle ;) The plot thickens a bit... We get some more, crucial information... good or bad? I guess you'll see. For WARNINGS: a slight mention of past abusive relationship, but nothing graphic!
> 
> Post your reactions under #TDOLfic on twitter!
> 
> Enjoy the read!

Alec tries to be patient. He really does.

But that doesn’t stop him from asking Lydia about Raj every few hours. He’s trying not to push his friend, but the truth is, that he’s freaking out inside a bit.

It’s the unawareness that kills him. He really wants to know what he stands on. He hasn’t spotted Raj on the campus since that Monday evening, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t lurking somewhere. The campus is big, the chances for another run up are small, but still there.

Lydia says it’s a tricky situation, because apparently no one knows anything. She tried reaching out to the people from Raj’s class, but they just said he showed up on day to the lectures, but nobody is sure if he stays for long.

Right now, Alec is pretty sure that he is here for good, and he tries to get used to it. Firstly, only to the thought of it, then he’ll need to accept it. Lydia still asks around, but Alec is slowly losing hope for it to end well.

But he tries to stay unbothered by it, for now. He needs to focus on studying, everything else happening on the campus doesn’t really matter. He has Lydia here to keep him company and support him, that’s truly enough.

At the weekend, he tries to relax as much as he can, before diving into the law world again on Monday. That’s why he and Magnus planned to spend their Sunday just chilling on the couch, ordering take out and probably watching some random movie.

That was until Alec received a call from his mom, asking if he’s free today to meet her, Isabelle and Jace to discuss some family matter. Of course, he agreed and invited her to come over for dinner.

So that’s why he and Magnus are in the kitchen now, preparing said dinner, and not snuggling on the couch.

“Do you have any idea what she wants to talk about?” Magnus questions as he’s stirring the pasta sauce on the stove. He casts Alec a brief look to where he’s leaning against the counter. He just shrugs lightly.

“None.” He admits. He’s curious though. It may be something about dad, since he hasn’t heard from him for months. Alec decided to just cut him off after all of the events. He doesn’t need people who bring him down in his life. “I guess we’ll see.” He resorts simply and Magnus nods thoughtfully, already focused back on the cooking.

Alec just hopes that everything is okay with his mom. He would hate for something bad to happen now, she’s been through a lot recently. The last few months she barely even had time for family, she’s been so caught up in work and also dealing with their loss. She’s doing really well and Alec’s proud of her.

She might have to tried to save her marriage with Robert, but deep down, Alec knows that’s it’s all burning out there. They’re both not happy about this, and it may be a matter of time before they decide to call it quits.

Alec wouldn’t mind, she deserves someone better than his dad. He’s always thought that.

The dinner went very pleasantly. They talked about what they always talk about, school, their partners. Joked around all the time. Maryse showed up in a very good mood, which honestly confuses Alec, since on the phone she sounded quite distressed. A few times through the dinner, Alec exchanged worried glances with his siblings, the confusion evident on their features too.

For far, it’s been very nice, but now as they’re moving to the living room, Maryse visibly tenses up, and Alec’s pretty sure she’s about to give them the true reason of their little gathering.

“Is everything okay, mom?” Isabelle prompts gently as she sits herself down in the armchair next to Maryse’s. Alec, Magnus and Jace takes places on the couch opposite them.

“Well, as you probably know I didn’t want to meet just to catch up.” Maryse starts and plays with her hands nervously, looking down on her lap. “I do need to tell you something.”

“What is it?” Alec asks worried, seeing how she tense she became. Magnus rests him palm on his back in a reassuring manner.

All of the siblings are impatiently waiting for an answer, their eyes drilling into Maryse. She takes a deep breath to compose herself and as she looks up, she begins.

“Your father and I are divorced.” She announces and everyone’s eyes widen.

“What?” Jace questions, lack of any other words for the situation.

“Wait, you said divorced.” Alec starts as his mind picks up the puzzles and solves them. “Already?”

And it all starts to make sense. Maryse being so busy recently… He thought it was work, but apparently she was handling all of the divorce stuff. She should have told them, they all would support her in this decision and be there for her.

“Yes.” His mom confirms and sends a nod his way. “We’ve been handling stuff for the past few months. I didn’t want to bother you, we handled it quietly-“

“Mom, you could have told us.” Izzy cuts in gently. “We would be there for you.” She reaches out and squeezes her mother’s hand.

“No, it’s fine.” Maryse smiles at her reassuringly. “I mean, it was a long time coming. We couldn’t really fix things between us. And I know he’s never been the best father to you.” She may not say this directly to Alec, but he feels as if these words apply more to him. “Maybe I should have even done that sooner…”

“Mom, we get it” Jace says carefully. “You spent so much time together, loved each other, have children together… no one blames you for trying to fix this and mend our family. But personally, I think it’s the right call.”

“I think so too.” Alec sends her a smile and she reciprocates.

“Me too.” Isabelle agrees.

“Well, I might have not had the pleasure to spend a lot of time with Robert.” Magnus starts, a bit sarcastically. “But I do think that you’re better off without him. You deserve better, Maryse.”

Maryse looks up at him with her eyes glistening lightly, pure gratitude in them and she smiles as she answers, and Alec can’t help, but smile too.

“Thank you.” His mother replies.

Alec is so happy that Magnus and his mom get along so well. This whole way that she came, how she’s changed in the recent year. Now she’s the mother he’s always wanted to have. He’s happy she realised her mistakes and fixed them.

“So yeah.” Maryse begins again after a moment of silence. “We’re done. And that means a few things are gonna change now.”

“Like what?” Izzy questions.

“For starters, the company.” Maryse says and raises her head up. “Your father owns the bigger part of the shares, it’s actually more of his company, so he no longer wants me there.”

“What does that mean?” Alec inquires and frowns.

“That means his buying me out.” His mother explains. “He’s gonna pay me my share and then he wants me gone.”

“What? That’s totally unfair.” Alec snaps, causing his mother to look at him. “You put so much in this company, he can’t just do that-“

“He can, and to be honest, I’m relieved.” Maryse admits and shrugs a little. “I don’t really want to continue to work with you father. And it’s a fair deal. I still have a base of clients that want me to continue their cases, even though I’m not employed at Lightwood LP anymore. And later on, I’ll find something. It’s a totally new beginning. I want to cut him off.”

“If that’s what you think is the best, then we’ll stand by you.” Alec resorts eventually, even though his father is acting crazy. Maryse is one of the best lawyers in town, he doesn’t even know what he’s letting go of.

The rest of the siblings nods in union at his words.

“You decide yourself, if you still want to keep in touch with him.” Maryse speaks a bit insecurely. “He’s still your father, after all.”

For Alec, it’s a solid no. Basically nothing will change. He hasn’t been keeping in touch with him for long now and doesn’t plan on changing that. The fact that he didn’t even bother to tell them about the divorce, show at least a bit of decency and come here today with Maryse to explain everything… was he ever gonna tell them if not her?

Alec has lost his father the day he came out. Before that, begin around him was manageable, but after that… it all just went to hell, and every attempt of fixing it came from Alec’s side. He’s done with that.

But when it comes to Jace and Izzy… he was a better father to them. Alec won’t blame them if they decide to see him from time to time.

For now, no one gives a clear answer, even if Alec’s pretty sure they know his. Everyone just nods in acknowledgement for her words. They have time to figure it out.

“What about the house?” Jace asks then, after a moment of silence. “You’re moving out, right?”

“Yes, of course.” Maryse replies instantly. “I’ve already found a place, but it still needs some renovating. It’ll be ready for me to move in in about two weeks.”

“And in the meantime?” Isabelle inquires. “Are you gonna stay with dad?”

“I’d prefer not to.” Maryse answers with an exhale. “I really want to leave this house. After you all moved out, and after Max…” She pauses for a second. “It stopped feeling like home. I hope my new place will be better.”

“I’m sure it will.” Magnus assures her with a smile.

“So what now?” Jace questions with a shrug. “If you’re not staying there and your place is not ready…”

“I’ll just stay in some hotel for a bit. It’s not long.” Maryse resorts lightly.

“Maryse, there’s no need for you to do that.” Magnus starts and she turns to him. Alec eyes him curiously and as he casts a look his way, he can see in his boyfriend’s eyes what he’s about to offer. “You can just stay here.”

Maryse looks surprised, as well as the rest. Alec still finds himself quite shocked, because he was ready to offer the same. But after all, even if this is their house now, and he’s been living her for what feels like forever, sometimes he still gets the feeling that it’s more of Magnus’ home since he’s lived there for way longer. When he told him that, Magnus called him ridiculous, because this is and will always be their home.

“I would never ask you for that. I don’t want to be a bother-“ Maryse says, but Alec already shakes his head and cuts in.

“Mom, Magnus is right.” He starts. “You can totally stay here. We have a whole guest room that stands empty. Besides, it’s just for a while, you won’t be a bother.”

“Are you sure?” Maryse inquires, looking from Alec to Magnus now.

“Of course.” Magnus reassures one more time, giving her a stern, but yet soft look. “It’s not a trouble.”

“It’ll be two weeks tops, I promise.” Maryse adds.

“Mom, don’t worry about it.” Alec says softly. “Stay as long as it takes.”

“Thank you so much.” She smiles at them both. “Really, I don’t know how to thank you. If there’s anything I can do-“

“Your company will be enough.” Magnus interrupts, reciprocating her smile. She cuts off mid-sentence and lets it grow even bigger.

None of them says anything for a while, as the whole family just smiles at each other.

“Well, I could offer you the same if you’re up to sharing a dorm room, mom.” Jace says then and they all burst out laughing.

“I think I’ll past on that, son. But thank you.” Maryse delicately wipes at the corners of her eyes.

“My apartment with Simon couldn’t really hold us all.” Izzy resorts. Alec knows that if his siblings only had the resources for that, they would offer the same. And he’s pretty sure their mom knows too.

“It’s okay, sweetheart.” Maryse squeezes her hand. “I think I’ll be pretty content with your brother and Magnus here.” She adds with yet another smile.

“We’ll do everything in our power for you to feel like that.” Magnus informs her lightly.

“Oh, you don’t have to do anything.” She waves her hand dismissively. “Letting me stay here is really enough.”

They settle for Maryse to arrive tomorrow evening with her things. After a few more talks with her reassuring her children that she is indeed okay with how everything went, they decided to call this emotional night to an end and with a wave of goodbyes, the Lightwood family left the loft. But still, Alec plans on talking to his mom more about this whole divorce thing. She must have gone through some pretty serious shit and still, she didn’t tell them to bother them. It had to put some strain on her. Right now she really needs some time to relax.

Entering the kitchen with the last dishes from their dinner, Alec sees Magnus already hunched over the sink. He leaves the plates on the side and goes to hug his boyfriend from behind, resting his head on his shoulder and feeling him immediately relax a bit. None of them says anything for a moment, just basking in each other presence as Magnus leans into him a little more.

“Thank you for offering my mom to stay.” Alec says then and presses a kiss to his shoulder.

“Of course.” Magnus replies simply and turns his face to him, smiling softly. “I mean it, it’s no trouble.”

“You’re the best, you know that?” Alec questions and squeezes him a bit tighter.

“You might have told me once.” Magnus answers and kisses him lightly on the lips. “Or twice.” He adds playfully and kisses him harder. What was supposed to be a quick peck, swiftly turns into a deeper kiss. Alec loosens his hold on him and lets him turn in his arms to face him fully. Magnus hooks his arms around his neck and Alec’s find their way to his hips. Not long later, Magnus backs him out till he feels himself bumping into kitchen cabinet, where Magnus keeps him trapped. He doesn’t mind in the slightest.

Magnus’ hands leisurely travel lower, till they find their way under Alec’s shirt, caressing the skin of his lower back lightly. Alec gets lost in the touch, as he always does when Magnus puts his hands on him, but then he breaks off the kiss to speak. Magnus chases after his lips, but he doesn’t let him now.

“You know we’ll need to tone it down, right?” Alec asks and Magnus just gives him a confused look.

“Tone down what?” He answers with a question and Alec rolls his eyes.

“This.” He gestures on them, but it doesn’t clear out the confusion in his boyfriend’s eyes. “Us making out at every space of this loft, sex…”

“Wait, wait.” Magnus stops him as he raises his hand. “Where is this coming from?”

“My mom will be living with us, Magnus.” Alec explains patiently.

“Well yeah, but she’ll have her room.” Magnus points out with a shrug.

“So what, you want to keep her locked up in her room?” Alec mocks sarcastically which makes Magnus roll his eyes.

“Of course not.” He sighs. “I just don’t see why would she have a trouble with us making out.”

“She’s my mother, Magnus. It would be embarrassing if she caught us.” Alec says with a deep exhale.

“In our own home?” Magnus inquires and frowns.

Alec literally growls in frustration and attempts to just let this go, trying to untangle himself from Magnus embrace, but the man doesn’t let him.

“Okay, okay I get it.” Magnus says, hands back on Alec’s waist, tugging him closer. “Tone down the make out session, I can do that. But why does it stop us from having sex? In our bedroom.”

“Because my mom will literally be in the next room, it’s not exactly a huge turn on.” Alec replies, the frustration still evident in his tone.

“Well, it’s not my fault you can’t keep quiet.” Magnus says teasingly, but Alec just sighs with exasperation.

“You’re making fun of me.” He states and tries to walk away again, but Magnus stops him once more.

“No, darling. Come here.” He kisses his forehead softly. “You’re just too hard to resist, but I promise you, I’ll try my best.” Magnus promises, placing one hand on his heart. He leans in and kisses him on the lips again. When the pulls back, he whispers against his lips. “Besides, you know how much I love it.”

Alec feels himself blush, but decides only to rolls his eyes.

“And well since it’s our last free night for the next two weeks,” Magnus trails his finger playfully on his chest. “maybe you could remind me what I’ll be missing.”

“I think it’s a fair deal.” Alec says in an equally teasing tone, grabbing him by the front of his shirt and already setting their course on the bedroom. “I can do that.”

“Yeah?” Magnus questions, his eyebrow raised in a challenging way.

Alec doesn’t answer, just kisses him again, already working on his shirt buttons, all the dishes forgotten in the kitchen. They have more important things to do now, like getting lost in each other’s bodies.

Lydia catches up to him on Monday, at their third period, which is actually a free one, when he’s on his way to the library to study.

“Hi.” She greets him, breathless as if she’s ran at least three blocks down here and Alec stops in his tracks to let her catch her breathe.

“Hi, are you alright?” Alec asks as she exhales heavily. “Did you run here or something?”

“Kind of. But I’m okay.” Lydia finally manages to answer. “Free period, right?”

“Yep. I’m just on my way to the library. Are you coming?” Alec gestures down the alley leading there.

“Actually, we need to talk.” Lydia announces, some kind of nervousness creeping into her tone.

“Okay…” Alec trials of and eyes her precisely. “so let’s just-“ He wants to offer for them to just get there, sit and talk, but she shakes her head as she interrupts.

“Not here.” She looks around as if making sure no one is listening and then her eyes fall back on Alec. “The coffee shop?”

There’s nothing left for Alec to do than just nod, but he begins to have a fair idea of what it’s about. And if he’s correct, then Lydia’s right, they shouldn’t speak about it on the campus. There are eyes and ears everywhere.

Lydia’s quiet the whole way to the coffee shop. When they get settled and Alec orders their usual drinks, she only starts talking after a few sips.

“Okay, so I’ve found some stuff out.” She informs, but doesn’t speak furthermore for a moment.

“So…?” Alec prompts impatiently. His leg is bouncing nervously at his side. Lydia seems to be composing herself, sorting out the words to start.

“It’s a long story.” She says and Alec rolls his eyes, his impatience starting to show.

“Can you just start? Please.”

His friend finally takes mercy on him and begins.

“After your break-up… Raj didn’t transfer to NYU right away.” Lydia looks at him for a few seconds, but he just shrugs, indicating for her to go on. “He took off. Apparently ran away to travel or something to ‘nurse his broken heart’.” She makes quotes with her fingers in the air.

“How do you know this?” Alec questions. Lydia really must have done some digging.

“I managed to contact his so called friends.” Lydia explains, taking another sip of her coffee. “You’d be surprised how much some poor students would do for some free alcohol…” She smirks lightly and Alec throws her a stern look. “But don’t worry, I didn’t do anything crazy. Just some talking, and after a few drinks, they were quite willing to cooperate.”

Alec inspects her for a little while longer, before the curiousness, and a hint of fear and nervousness, take the better of him.

“Continue?” He suggests then and she nods.

“So yeah. When he came back… Well he was away long, so Columbia wasn’t really willing to let him come back, the rules and all. So he used his contacts and managed to transfer to NYU.”

“Yeah, his dad is a lecturer there or something.” Alec recalls and Lydia confirms with a nod. “But he didn’t want to go there in the first place, because he wouldn’t like to be accused of some kind of favouritism. At least that’s what he told me.” Alec shakes his head lightly with a snort. “Guess it changed now.”

Lydia nods again and exhales heavily at his words, before picking back up.

“He transferred there and all was good for a bit of time. But then came some troubles.” She pauses again as if bracing herself for the next words. Alec feels that he won’t like whatever she says. “He became violent towards some students. I guess you could say he has some… anger issues. But that’s not the worst.”

“What is then?” Alec asks in a lower voice, not managing anything stronger and shifting uncomfortably in his sit. He really doesn’t like this.

“There was a situation with his boyfriend, well, now ex-boyfriend. I don’t know a lot, but… One time he got really violent with him and beat him up, quite hard.” Lydia carries on and Alec exhales heavily, avoiding her eyes when she sends him a sympathetic smile.

It might be stupid, but after Alec broke up with him, some part of him thought that, maybe Raj will change. Maybe he’ll realise his mistakes and try to be better. From what he’s hearing now, he didn’t get better, turns out he’s actually worse.

“The college’s authorities covered it up.” Lydia continues explaining. “Well, his dad, you know.” Alec nods lightly, but his eyes stay focused on the table. “But they made a deal for him to transfer back to Columbia, so the other guy wouldn’t say anything. That’s why he’s back.” She ends.

Alec doesn’t answer anything , trying to process her words. This… this is so unfair. The injustice about this situation may be what’s making Alec angry the most. Raj hurt someone, and he’s getting away with it. An innocent guy was beaten up and Raj doesn’t suffer from any consequences, migrating through schools like it was no big deal.

And Alec thinks, that it might be his fault.

Maybe if he informed someone about how unhealthy his own relationship with Raj was, maybe if he talked to the right people about this… there must be some organisations to deal with his sort of things. Maybe if he reported it, Raj wouldn’t hurt people later on.

“I know it’s all really chaotic and full of plot holes, but that’s what I’ve managed to find out for now.” Lydia prompts gently and reaches for his hand across the table. He finally looks up to meet her face. “Are you okay?” She asks softly.

“Fine.” He answers a bit absently, still lost in his thoughts a bit.

“I’m so sorry.” Lydia says and shakes her head lightly. “I wish you didn’t have to be around him anymore, but now-“

“We can’t leave it like this, Lydia.” Alec states with some kind of urgency in his tone that it makes his friend’s eyes widen a bit. “We can’t.”

“What are you taking about?” She questions, truly confused.

“That he got away with it like nothing happened.” Alec explains, his voice still pressing. “He hurt someone.”

“I know, Alec. But there’s nothing we can do-“ Lydia tries, but Alec cuts her of again.

“That’s where you wrong.” He says. “We can, and we have to.” Lydia doesn’t look convinced, and she’s trying to interrupt, but Alec doesn’t let her. “Look, he’s hurt people before. He hurt me, then this guy… what if he does it again? It’s our job to bring him to justice.”

“We’re not the police, Alec.” Lydia comments in a resigned tone.

“No, but we’re lawyers.” Alec states firmly. “That’s what we’re supposed to do.”

Lydia gives him a pleading look, but Alec knows, that deep down she knows he’s not backing down. This is too important, too serious to just let it go like that. Justice needs to be done.

“Even if we try to do anything,” Lydia begins, and Alec lets a small smile climb onto his features. “This isn’t our fight, Alec. This guys from NYU would have to press charges-“

“So we’ll speak with him.” Alec resorts, but Lydia’s face basically shows that it won’t be that simple.

“We don’t even know him. NYU is a big university and we know nothing.”

“Then I’ll speak to Raj’s friends.” Alec’s shrugs. “We’ll figure it out.”

“Alec…” Lydia trails off with resignation.

“What?” He’s not quite able to read the expression on her face. She looks at him with worried eyes, and something else he can’t quite recognize.

“I’m just not sure if you should… you know, dig into this.” She finally says.

“What do you mean?” He eyes her curiously and frowns.

“That you’re too close to this.” She clarifies. “That he hurt you and now… it may bring everything back, the memories… I don’t want you to relive that-“

“Lydia, I’ll be fine.” Alec reassures her and squeezes her hand, smiling lightly. “I want to do this. I won’t even get close to Raj. I won’t let him hurt me again.”

Lydia stares at him pleadingly, still not looking positive about this whole thing.

“Lydia, please.” Alec says, with a hint of begging in his tone. “Please, help me with this.”

His friend drops her gaze, but Alec can see how she’s considering it. He knows he has her. Lydia’s need to always do the right thing will take over her, he’s sure of it.

“We don’t even know if this guy will want to press charges.” Lydia resorts, but Alec’s feels a winning smile widening on his face. “You can’t force him.” She still tries to somehow reason with him.

“I know, and I won’t.” Alec assures her, but the determination is still evident in his tone. “But like you said, this whole thing was covered up and they made a deal with him. He was probably forced not to tell anyone. But if not, then I promise you, I’ll leave it alone.” He declares with a hand on his heart.

“Alright.” Lydia states with an eye roll, her expression still a bit unsure. “I’ll help you. But like you said, if this guy doesn’t want anything then we’re leaving it.”

“I swear.” Alec promises one more time. But deep down he knows, that the only person who could convince that man to do it is he himself. He knows what it feels like to be the object of Raj’s uncontrolled rages. He believes he can get through to him.

Alec gets back home before Magnus. His mom is set to arrive soon with her things. He knows he has to tell Magnus before that, because he’s pretty sure his boyfriend will make a scene. Maryse doesn’t know about Raj. She only knows that Alec had a boyfriend at that time in college, but nothing more, and he doesn’t plan on telling her. Not yet at least.

Entering the kitchen to get a glass of water, Alec hears the front door click, announcing his boyfriend’s presence. Not long later, Magnus emerges into the kitchen and greets him with a soft smile. Alec reciprocates, but can feel the stress that’s building up inside him.

“Hi, darling.” Magnus walks past him, pressing a quick kiss to his cheek and moving to unpack some groceries. “Your mom is coming soon, right? Should we make some dinner?”

Alec doesn’t answer for a little while, too caught up in his own thoughts on how to start this conversation with Magnus. Of course, his boyfriend can probably sense that something’s wrong, since he turns to him, crossing his arms on his chest in a nervous manner and eyes him curiously, but also with a bit of worry showing.

“Is everything okay?” He asks carefully.

Alec takes a deep breathe before he starts speaking. He leans on his elbows on the kitchen island and briefly looks away from Magnus’ face, but can basically feel his eyes drilling into him.

Well, he doesn’t want to hide it. And if he doesn’t tell him, then Lydia will.

“Lydia found out stuff about Raj.” He says and Magnus visibly tenses up, but tries not to let it show. Alec takes mercy on him, not wasting anymore time and explaining. He tells him everything that Lydia told him earlier. Magnus doesn’t interrupts, he listens patently. And when Alec’s finally finished, he takes a few moments to gather up his thoughts, not speaking, but Alec can see his brain working behind his eyes. It makes him kind of anxious, because he hasn’t given him any reaction yet. Alec bites his lip nervously, waiting for any sort of reply. He still hadn’t gotten to that part where he and Lydia decided to reach out to the NYU guy…

“You have to stay as far away as you can from it.” Magnus finally says and his stern tone catches Alec by surprise again. He just sends him a bit of a disbelieving look, but Magnus shrugs him off and his sights wanders to the floor. “I’m serious.”

“Well, I can’t.” Alec resorts and Magnus’ eyes snap back to him, clearly waiting for some elaboration. It’s Alec’s turn to shrug.

“What do you mean, you can’t?” Magnus questions, something about his tone unrecognizable for Alec. Maybe it’s a bit of disbelief, but the other emotion he can hear, he knows well. It’s anger.

“I mean I can’t, Magnus.” Alec repeats, but after a heavy sigh carries on. “He’s hurt people. I can’t let him get away with that.”

“And what are you? A goddamn police?!” Magnus asks and throws his hands in the air, clearly disbelieving this whole situation, which makes anger boil up in Alec’s gut.

“No, I’m a lawyer.” He tries to answer patiently, but can hear the hardness of his own tone. “That’s what I do, fight for justice.”

“You’re not a lawyer yet.” Magnus points out, a bit more bitterly for Alec’s liking.

“Well, you clearly didn’t mind it when I was helping you out with Camille.” Alec eyes him sharply, recalling the situation. It didn’t seem to matter back then, that he doesn’t have his degree yet, so why the hell is Magnus using it as an argument now?

Magnus only has the tendency to roll his eyes at him and Alec’s basically done at this point. He really doesn’t want to say something he doesn’t really mean.

“You know what? Whatever.” He just speaks with another shrug. “I expected you to support me in this, but I guess it’s too much of me to ask.” With that, he moves to get out of the kitchen, but can hear Magnus follow.

“Support you in what?” He almost yells now, and Alec really doesn’t like where it’s going. “In running around after your own abuser? It’s too dangerous, Alec. I don’t want you to get hurt again!”

“You jus don’t get it!” Alec snaps and turns to him as they enter the living room. “I’m not going to run around him. I’m coming after him to make sure he won’t hurt more people!”

“So this is about your personal vendetta then?” Magnus kind of more states than asks, his tone still quite worked up.

Alec literally growls and throws his hands in the air, so freaking annoyed and done with this, but still, he speaks furthermore.

“He hurt someone, Magnus.” He tries calmer now, but still sounds angry. “He hurt an innocent person and he got away with it, because of his connections. Where’s the justice in that? This isn’t fair. He needs to bare some consequences to his actions, he finally has to learn!”

“But why you, huh?” Magnus questions, his voice is more resigned with every word, but not lacking any heat. “Why can’t you let someone else do this? Why do you need to throw yourself into this?”

“Because I’m the only person who can convince that guy to sue him.” Alec explains. “Because I’ve been in his place, and I know what it feels like. I know the violence, I’d never wish that upon anybody.”

Magnus looks like he wants to say something more, but just as he opens his mouth, there’s a knock on the door and Alec moves to open it, ignoring anything else he might want to tell him.

“Hi mom.” Alec hugs her as he opens the door, but can’t bring himself to smile very truthfully. He lets Maryse get in and helps her with her bags, ignoring the curious looks she eyes him with. “You should have called, I would come down to help you with these.”

“Oh, it’s quite alright.” Maryse just answers with a smile as she emerges fully into the apartment. “Jace gave me a ride, so it was just a matter of bringing these up here. It’s fine.”

Maryse didn’t really bring a lot of stuff, but Alec supposes she’s never really had much. She always keeps only the things she needs and that are useful, she’s not a hoarder and not a fan of buying a new pair of shoes every two weeks.

They stand in the hallway for a while, Alec still a bit too caught up in the heated conversation with his boyfriend, but when he finally shakes it off, he begins to speak.

“I’ll show you your room.” He grabs the rest of the bags and moves, indicating for her to follow. As they walk past the living room, Maryse peeks inside and sees Magnus, face still deeply scrunched in thoughts.

“Hi, Magnus.” She greets gently and as Magnus snaps out of it, he offers her a smile and a wave.

“Hello, Maryse.” He manages to say, before Alec is going further down the hall which forces his mom to follow.

They enter the room, which may not be too much, but definitely enough for one person. It’s the size of their bedroom, with one closet, a bed in the middle and some other cabinets on the side. They don’t use it a lot, mostly Izzy or Jace sleep there when they spend the night sometimes, or any other of their friends really, but it hasn’t been occupied in long.

“This is lovely. Thank you again.” Maryse says with a warm smile, but Alec feels like his doesn’t come off equally sincere.

“Do you need any help?” Alec offers as she picks up her bags to unpack them.

“No, I think I have everything under control here.” She replies softly and moves back to her stuff. But Alec is not so eager to leave, because that means he will have to face his angry boyfriend again. They both need a moment to cool off.

“Is everything okay?” His mother’s words bring him out of the depths of his mind again. He shakes his head to regain his composure and Maryse speaks again. “Did you two fight or something? You seem tensed.”

“We’re fine.” Alec says, but doesn’t look her quite in the eyes, dropping his sight to the floor. “Just some typical couple stuff.” He trails off, and even thought Maryse doesn’t look convinced, she doesn’t ask anything further.

“Well, if you ever feel like talking, I’ll be here the next few weeks.” She states softly, making Alec chuckle in return. They stand in silence for a minute, and Alec just sends his mom a smile, to show her that he his very grateful for the offer. “But I actually have to run now.” She announces then, glancing briefly at her watch. “I have a meeting with a client.”

“This late?” Alec prompts. It’s almost 8pm now…

“Yeah, there weren’t really other terms. I’ve been busy.” She replies absently, already moving out of the room and Alec follows. She peaks into the living room again on her way out. Magnus has moved to sit on the couch now, a drink in his hand. “Bye, Magnus!”

“Wait, we were just supposed to make dinner-“ Magnus tries, but the woman shakes her head.

“I have a meeting. I’ll be back in around two hours. .Don’t worry about me, I’ll grab something on my way.” She smiles and with that, disappears from Magnus’ sight, leaving Alec to walk her through the door. “Besides…” She starts in a lower tone, making sure Magnus doesn’t hear her. “Looks like you need some time to talk out whatever happened between you two.” She resorts and kisses Alec on the cheek as she walks through the door.

Alec leans briefly against the door as he closes them. He can’t help but notice, that she was in a kind of weird rush. Not like he’s ever seen her before, when she was running late to a meeting… Alec leaves it to deal with for some other time now. His mind wasn’t very present when she was there anyway.

He considers going to the bedroom and just hiding there, waiting for Magnus to come to him when he’s cooled off. But that seems like a bit of a cowardly thing to do, so instead, he decides to come back to the living room and see how the situation unfolds.

With another heavy exhale, he pushes off the door and moves.

He barely gets to enter, when Magnus already calls him out. His voice way more quieter and insecure.

“Alec?”

“Yeah?” Alec doesn’t fully enter the room yet, hovering around the door like he considers running away at any time.

“I’m sorry.” Magnus says, his eyes focused on Alec, glistening a little and his voice a bit trembling. “I’m sorry, I…” He trails off, as if not sure what to say.

But for Alec it’s enough to move and take a place on the couch next to him.

“I just,” Magnus starts again and sighs, his eyes dropping onto his lap. “I really don’t want you to get hurt.” He admits. “I mean, every time you speak about it, about him… the way you break down… I don’t want you to relive it, you don’t deserve this-“

“Magnus,” Alec interrupts his rambling gently and reaches for his hand, delicately intertwining their fingers. “I’ll be fine.” He assures and cups Magnus’ cheek to make him look up. “I promise. I’ll have Lydia by my side, I won’t be alone. Besides, I’m not planning on getting close to Raj. Everything will be happening without his knowledge anyway.”

“But what if he finds out and lashes out at you?” Magnus voices his concerns. “You said it yourself, he can be violent.”

“I’ll stay away from him, I promise.” Alec tries one more time, and squeezes his hand. But it doesn’t convince Magnus, as he just shakes his head. “Hey, we don’t even know it this will work. If this guy won’t want to press charges then I’m done. I can’t force him.” He states.

Magnus doesn’t say anything for a longer moment, when he does, he looks up at Alec and squeezes his hand even tighter.

“You’re so brave, angel.” His palm wanders to cup Alec’s cheek delicately and he immediately leans into the touch. “Really. I’m sorry for snapping at you like that. It’s just… when I hear about this man, how much he’s hurt you… and now you have to be around him on the campus…”

“Hey, it’ gonna be fine.” Alec reassures once more. “I promise, I’ll be careful, and I’ll tell you everything, okay?”

Magnus nods lightly and smiles a little.

“Just… promise me you’ll back out if it’s becomes too much.” He pleads. “That, if the memories will be too much to handle-“

“I swear.” Alec cuts in gently and nods. “I won’t jeopardize my health, I promise.”

“Okay.” Magnus finally agrees and Alec smiles at him softly. “Then I’ll stand by you and support you. I hope this bastard will get what he deserves.”

Alec laughs lightly and brings an arm around him to hug him.

“We should have talked like this from the start.” Alec resorts and kisses the top of Magnus’ head.

“I know, darling. I’m sorry.” His boyfriend says again in a bit of guilty tone.

“It’s okay.” Alec replies softly and hugs him tighter. “I shouldn’t have blow up like that too.”

“Well yeah, but I started it.” Magnus sighs heavily and lets his head drop onto Alec’s shoulder.

“It’s fine. Don’t worry about it.” Alec whispers. “You were just worried.”

“I’ll always be.” Magnus states and brings his arm around Alec’s middle to hug him back.

Alec knows it, and he couldn’t really be more thankful for someone, who takes such a good care for him. It’s truly the best feeling in the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! As always, I want to know all of your thoughts and theories, so leave them in the comments below!  
Do you think Alec will be able to fight for justice in this case? And is Magnus really okay with him throwing himself into this...?  
I'll see you next week with another update!


	6. The Return

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus is still worried about Alec and his plan. Someone pays him a very unexpected visit and later, he has to uncover some part of his past to Alec... Seems that not all secrets have been out yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello,  
Thank you all so much for the nice words on the pervious chapters! I appreciate your support so much :) 
> 
> Today we find out more about what Magnus' storyline will focus on. Some unexpected (or at least I hope you don't expect it) stuff happens. Hope you'll like how it turns out. 
> 
> Share your reactions with #TDOLfic on twitter, if you feel like it!
> 
> Enjoy the read!

It didn’t take a lot of time to get used to Alec occupying the space of his loft.

Magnus was craving it. Just having someone around, someone to come home to, to talk to at nights, in the mornings. Basically to share his days with. Alec is the one who provided that. Magnus was alone for long before him, but when he moved in it was no nuisance. It was just like something clicked right, something Magnus has been dreaming of.

However, to have yet another person taking the space of their home… this might take a bit more time getting used too.

He didn’t hesitate to offer Maryse a shelter for these few days. At this point now, she’s basically family, she’s Alec’s mother and Magnus wouldn’t be able to forgive himself if he just left her on like this.

So yeah, it was the only rational thing to do.

But the start might be rocky, especially with the things that are currently falling upon him and Alec.

Magnus didn’t sleep well that night. The thoughts of Alec’s plan still in his mind. He really admires his courage, but… it’s dangerous, and scary. Magnus is worried, he won’t hide it, but he also knows he has to trust Alec. And if he says it’s going to be fine, then it probably will.

The thing is, Alec’s been through enough. Especially in the recent time. These events were demanding, both physically, but more mentally, for the both of them. So Magnus is not sure, if Alec throwing himself into something so close to the trauma he had endured is a good idea.

He’s basically sure it’s not.

But he also knows Alec enough, to know that he won’t just drop it. He won’t back out, especially when it comes to justice.

Magnus sighs heavily as he buries himself into Alec’s chest a bit more and tries to get a few more minutes of sleep, no matter how unlikely it is to happen.

He’s not sure how much time has passed, before he can feel Alec stir awake.

“I can practically hear you thinking.” His boyfriend speaks in a sleepy tone, letting out a yawn after.

“Sorry, darling. I didn’t mean to wake you.” Magnus says and drops a kiss on his chest.

“It’s okay.” Alec resorts and runs a hand through his hair. “Care to tell me what’s on your mind?”

Magnus sighs yet again and props his chin on Alec’s chest to look at him, but his expression must be saying a lot, because before he gets to even open his mouth, Alec already seems to know what he’s been thinking about.

“It’s about our talk yesterday, right?” He asks as he sweeps some hair out of Magnus’ face.

He only nods as an answer.

He doesn’t want to fight about this, really, but he can’t be fully onto this idea. Not while knowing the risk.

“Hey,” Alec speaks and looks him in the eyes. “do you trust me?”

“Of course I do.” Magnus doesn’t even hesitate to answer.

“So please, trust me on this. I feel like I have to do this. I don’t want you to be mad at me-“

“I’m not mad, angel-“ Magnus tries, but Alec shakes his head.

“I know, you’re worried.” He resorts. “And you have a right to be. But please, just let me try.”

“It’s your choice and I know I can’t stop you from this.” Magnus starts. Then he realises, he’s holding onto Alec a bit tighter, as if he was afraid of something hurting Alec now. “I’m just asking you to be careful.”

“And I will be.” Alec promises.

Magnus nods. That’s the best he’ll get. And he does trust Alec, it will be okay.

He needs to tell himself that.

Alec might be seeing his hesitation, but only chooses to coax him with a sweet kiss on his lips that he knows will make him smile, and soon they both wear grins on their faces again. Magnus can’t say he’s against his way of making up, but still, he rolls his eyes, but then leans in for another kiss, much to Alec’s content.

They trade a few more light kisses, smiling in between, until there’s a faint sound of some sort of crash somewhere behind their bedroom door. Magnus pulls back with a bit of alarmed expression, but Alec only shakes his head amusingly and moves to get out of bed.

“I guess mom is awake.” He states and before Magnus knows it, he’s at the door, throwing Magnus a questioning look as if in ‘are you coming’, and pointing lightly at the door.

Magnus quickly shakes of his daze and nods. Right, Maryse. They’re not alone here anymore. He really has to get used to this.

“Oh, and” Alec starts and grabs his forearm as he’s just about to walk out the door. He hesitates for only a short second, but Magnus squeezes his hand a bit to encourage him. “mom doesn’t know anything about Raj. I mean she knows I had a boyfriend at that time, but… nothing else. So please, don’t bring it up with her.” He bites his lip nervously.

It pains him that Alec hid it so much, how toxic this relationship was. But he gets why didn’t tell Maryse. She wasn’t very supportive then… but still, she’s his mother. In Magnus’ opinion, she deserves to know what was going on with her son, but he won’t force Alec to tell her. Still, he asks.

“Will you ever tell her?”

“I don’t know.” Alec shrugs. “It’s in the past.”

He might be right, but it seems that it’s all coming back now.

Magnus decides no to comment on it and just nods, promising Alec that he won’t prompt this subject with his mother.

“And we actually should put on some clothes.” Alec resorts then as he looks down on them, they both realising that they’re indeed wearing just boxers.

“You’re probably right.” Magnus replies before they both chuckle briefly.

Yeah, it will take time to get used to.

After getting dressed, they finally emerge from their bedroom to indeed spot Maryse in the kitchen. She’s bustling around the place, clearly looking for something, but it’s another thing that catches Magnus’ attention.

The table is all set up with various, typical for breakfast dishes, freshly brewed coffee, orange juice. It looks like quite a feast and Magnus glances at his boyfriend only to see his expression equally surprised.

Maryse hasn’t noticed them yet, busy with preparing even more food, and it’s only when Alec speaks that she turns to face them.

“Hi mom.” Alec takes a few steps to get closer to her and kisses her on a cheek lightly. “What is all that?” He gestures at the table.

“Oh, that.” Maryse says and lets a small smile climb onto her face. “I just thought I could thank you somehow for letting me stay. I know it’s not a lot.” She adds a bit more guilty now. “And I hope you don’t mind me… I should have asked before I used all this, I’m sorry-“ She begins to rumble.

“Maryse.” Magnus gently stops her and she turns to him. “It’s all okay. We want you to feel like at home here.” He resorts, receiving a nod from Alec. “You can use whatever you need. Actually we should be thanking you for preparing us this delicious breakfast.” He smiles and slowly, Maryse reciprocates.

“No, I still feel like…” She cuts off, as if not sure what to say. “Just… thank you. It all really means a lot to me. I hope I didn’t wake you.”

“No, we should actually get up anyway.” Alec assures her as they all get to sit and get down to eating. “I have classes at nine, and Magnus has work.”

“Yep, just our typical day.” Magnus says, taking a bite of his toast. “What are your plans for today?” He asks Maryse.

“Oh, nothing interesting.” She replies after taking a sip of her coffee. “Some meetings with clients, I’m gonna check up on my apartment, you know to see if everything is in place there.”

They talk briefly about the following day and before they realise it, it’s time to go if they don’t want to be late. Magnus takes the last sip of his coffee and puts the mug in the dishwasher before setting on the way back to the bedroom, putting his hand on Alec’s shoulder to gain his attention.

“Are you driving with me, darling?”

“If you don’t mind.” Alec turns his head to send him a smile.

“Have I ever minded?” Magnus says with a snort and drops a kiss to Alec’s head, getting back on his course to get ready for the day.

But he doesn’t miss the way Maryse eyes them with a fond look, a smile only widening on her face.

Magnus is not sure how Alec convinced him not to come and pick him up today after his classes. He made a mental promise to himself, that he’ll do it everyday since he wants to minimalize the risk of him running into his ex-boyfriend again. It might not be a lot, but it makes Magnus feel more content. However, he still gets where Alec is coming from. He doesn’t want to be treated like a child that can’t find his way around. And Magnus gets that, he really does, but… still it’s unsettling.

He knows Alec would tell him if anything happened, the same way Alec knows that Magnus is always only a call away.

When they parted at the university driveway today, Alec just said he’s not sure what hour he’ll finish, since he and Lydia begin to implement their plan, and that he’ll just take the subway home. Not really waiting for an answer from Magnus, he just kissed him goodbye and left.

But Magnus can’t help to feel a bit anxious his whole way to work. And deep down, he feels that it has not only to do with Alec. Sure, he’s worried, but like he said in the morning, and many more times before that, he trusts him. But there’s this nagging feeling at the back of his head that he can’t seem to get rid of.

Still, most of the day passes by peacefully. Nothing unusual happens. Magnus stays focused on his work, talks a bit to Dot, who asks teasingly how’s living with his mother-in-law going and throws him a smirk. Magnus only rolls his eyes at the question, but does answer that everything is okay.

He almost forgets about this weird feeling, until Aline and Helen get back from their lunch and approach him.

“Magnus,” Helen starts and waits until he turns to her from her work. The girl doesn’t explicitly smile, there’s something like curiosity on her features. “there’s someone down in the hall asking to see you.”

It’s Magnus’ turn to give her a confused look.

“Who?”

“He didn’t say.” Aline answers with a shrug. “Just asked if we could tell you to come down.”

The nagging feeling is back, this time even more persistent than ever.

Dot throws him a cautious look, clearly overhearing the conversation. It isn’t anyone from their friends if Aline and Helen didn’t recognise him and Magnus doesn’t know who else would come to visit. He puts on his brave face anyway, thanks Aline and Helen for letting him know and takes the elevator down, facing whoever may be waiting there for him.

He spots the man in the hallway, but doesn’t recognise him right away. There’s something familiar about his features, Magnus has to admit that, but otherwise, long black hair, similar to his, a well-tailored suit. But still, Magnus doesn’t remember where he might have seen this man before.

It isn’t until he comes closer that it clicks for him.

But still, he doesn’t believe it. It’s impossible for him to be here and Magnus nearly stops in his tracks as he acknowledges who the man is. He basically flinches when he hears his voice.

“My son.” His father smiles and before Magnus knows it, he spreads his arms and takes the few remaining steps to welcome him, wrapping him up in a hug.

It takes him a few seconds to shake off, but when he does, he abruptly pulls back.

“What are you doing here?” He can hear the anger raising up in his voice, but _this_, should never happen, because what does he think he’s doing here now? Welcoming Magnus with hugs, smiling at him, calling him his son?

If this is some kind of a joke, this isn’t funny.

“Is that how you welcome your old man?” Asmodeus still smiles, even though Magnus took a step back, stepping out his is embrace. “Not very kind.” His smile turns into a smirk.

“You still haven’t answered my question.” Magnus speaks firmly. He shouldn’t even be speaking to him, he should go. This is pointless.

“Can’t I come and visit my son?” His father raises his eyebrows and shrugs a little.

“Your son?” Magnus questions, not caring about how irritated he sounds. “And what do you think gives you a right to call me that now?”

Asmodeus takes a steadying breath and Magnus can see how he’s thinking over his words now. He looks almost guilty. Almost, because Magnus doesn’t believe he’s capable of showing this kind of emotion.

It’s not that he knows if father well. in fact, he doesn’t know him at all. But the only memory he has left of him, doesn’t make him wish for more.

“We all make mistakes.” Asmodeus settles for that, but Magnus still remains unimpressed. “I’m trying to make things right. Please, appreciate it.”

“Well, I’m just wondering what stopped you from making things right before. Or earlier.”

“Look,” His father starts. He sounds truly serious now, any traces of the smirk erased from his face. “I’m aware you probably don’t want to see me-“

“That’s right.” Magnus agrees as he folds his hands over his chest.

“You have a right to.” Asmodeus admits. “But how long are you going to hold grudges? It’s been so long, son. Please, let me at least try to make this right.”

The worst thing, it that he sounds genuine. There’s pure regret painting its wayy on his face and Magnus has to look away, because it’s too much. He doesn’t say anything, doesn’t know what to, so he just stays quiet and stares at the floor.

“Please, give me this chance.” Asmodeus’ voice sounds again after a while.

“I don’t know.” Magnus says as he looks up, because he really doesn’t know. He and his father… it’s complicated, and he for sure wasn’t ready to face a situation like this today. Asmodeus looks back at him with pleading eyes, but he really can’t offer any other answer. He just shrugs. “I don’t… I just… You can’t just come here and ask me for this, you just-“

“You’re right.” Asmodeus cuts in, still with a stern expression. “I’ve got the making up to do, so we’re going to do this on your terms.”

Magnus does feel taken aback at these words, but tries not to let it show.

“I left my number at the reception.” Asmodeus informs and places a firm hand on his shoulder. “Give me a call if you feel like it.” He smiles again. “I just wanted to see you.” He adds and squeezes his shoulder. After another second, the touch is gone, and he’s already heading back to the exit, leaving Magnus in his daze that he can’t quite shake off until he hears the door lock behind his father.

This doesn’t feel real, and he just waits for a moment when he wakes up.

He’s not sure how long he spends just standing there, and staring at the place where his father was standing only a few moments ago. But when some people in the hallway start to give him weird looks, he decides that it’s time to get back up stairs to the lab. He can do this, he will just pretend nothing happened. Because nothing did.

He’ll just have to forget, again.

But does he really want to do that?

What made Asmodeus suddenly want to make things right with him? Why now, after all this time? Is he being honest? No, it’s not the time and the place to think about it.

After what feels like forever, still consumed by this thoughts, Magnus finally gets to the lab, marches straight for his work station and just digs into work. But of course, he can’t have even a minute of some peaceful time, because Dot is at his side right away.

“Who was it?” She asks and Magnus feels how she tries for a casual tone, but the hint of worry is still present there.

“No one.” Magnus doesn’t bother to look up from the microscope.

“Well, it had to be someone…” Dot still tries and Magnus sighs heavily as he looks up at her.

“No one, okay? It doesn’t matter. Stop pushing.” He replies, way too harshly and can see how taken aback his friend is. He closes his eyes briefly and tries to compose himself. It isn’t right to snap at Dot, she means no harm. He’s not that kind of a man. “I’m sorry. It’s just… some old acquaintance. It’s really nothing. I just wasn’t in mood to talk to him.” It’s only half a lie. The truth is, basically nobody knows about his father. Only Ragnor. Not even Dot, not Raphael or Catarina… It’s in the past. Or it was, until today. “But it’s not right to take this out on you, so I’m sorry.” Magnus continues. Dot still eyes him with a concerned expression, but something softens in it.

“It’s fine.” She shrugs lightly. “You’re right, it’s not my business.”

“No, Dot it’s…” He trails off, not sure what actually to say. “I get it, you had every right to ask.”

Dot nods slowly, but her expression doesn’t fall.

“You know you can tell me everything, right?” She asks, her eyes still focused on him, tracing his every move.

“Yeah, of course.” Magnus replies and attempts to smile.

“So if anything-“

“I know, Dot.” Magnus cuts in gently and nods. He does know he can tell her, but not now. It’s too much, he can’t put this on her. “Thank you.”

His friends squeezes his shoulder gently and smiles, which he reciprocates, then they both get back to work.

But Magnus can’t focus on it fully. His thoughts still go back to his father, to his words. But also to his actions, to what he did all of those years ago, that Magnus just can’t forget and let go, because he showed a bit of decency. It’s not so simple. He can’t forgive and forget so easily. Respect and forgiveness has to be earned.

But can he trust his father not to let him down?

That’s a question he’ll never be able to answer.

Now, Magnus is actually quite grateful he didn’t have to pick Alec up from the university. He needed this time to think, this drive home to sort some things. Maybe it didn’t help a lot, but a bit.

He considers telling Alec. He’s the only person he trusts so much, but at the same time… he’s got his own troubles. His abusive ex is back and he’s going after him. Magnus can only imagine the tremendous amount of stress that puts on him, plus his law school… it’s a lot, and Magnus would have to add to that.

But still, Alec told him about Raj almost immediately. And it’s not the same, not even a bit similar, but… it’s the gesture that he means, the trust… And Alec knows him enough to notice something is wrong. But he can always blame it on some project at work.

He still hasn’t made up his mind when he gets to the apartment. He enters with a deep exhale, as if bracing himself for some wave of question, like Alec would know exactly what happened. And of course it doesn’t come. Alec is in his usual spot when Magnus enters the living room, curled up on the couch, surrounded by his book, with a laptop on his lap. He looks up briefly and smiles when he sees Magnus approaching.

“Hi.” He says softly, but then is back to typing something on his computer. “Mom is out meeting some client, so it’s just us for a few more hours.”

That’s actually a good news. If he decides to tell Alec about Asmodeus, it’s better if she’s not here.

“Magnus,” Alec’s voice pulls him out of his thoughts and he didn’t realise his boyfriend was looking at him, considering his expression. “What’s wrong?” He asks as he closes his laptop and moves his things from the couch so Magnus can sit beside him. When he does, Alec’s hands immediately find his. His eyes are full of worry, when Magnus briefly looks back into them. And that’s when he decides that he has to tell him. Hiding it would be pointless, because Alec sees right through him.

Magnus sighs heavily, bracing himself for what he has to say. Alec waits patiently, tightening the hold on his hands a little. Magnus knows he’s looking at him, examining his face, but he can’t quite look back.

“Someone visited me at work today.” Magnus starts slowly.

Alec’s expression turns into slight alarm when he turns to him.

“Camille?” He asks and Magnus feels his eyes widen.

“No. Not Camille, no.” He shakes his head a bit. Alec’s suggestion is actually a suitable one, but Magnus is not sure what would be better now, Camille or his father. But Alec relaxes lightly as he denies, so Magnus decides to just lay it all out. “It was my father.”

Alec can’t quite hide the shock on his face. He’s kind of left speechless, that Magnus can see, and there are a few agonizing moments of silence, before he gets to clog anything out.

“Your father?” He just repeats as if still doubting the fairness of these words. Magnus just nods and observes how hard Alec tries to shake off this shock to finally give him a proper reaction. “I didn’t know he was still…” Alec trails of, not sure which words to pick.

“Still around?” Magnus finishes and Alec nods. “Well, I didn’t either.” He lets out a humourless laugh. “Turns out he is.”

Alec clearly doesn’t know what more to say, and to be honest, Magnus wouldn’t know either. He’s never spoken about his father a lot, even when Alec opened up about his relationship with Robert. With him and Asmodeus, there’s no relationship. They met once, and this one time brought Magnus only pain, in probably one of the worst moments of his life.

“You must have questions.” Magnus proposes then lightly. He should ask, just anything, so Magnus can somehow start and tell him about this.

“Only if you want to answer them.” Alec says softly and it makes Magnus smile a bit. He nods and Alec reaches out to lace their fingers together, resting their joined palms in his lap.

“So your father… you’ve never said anything.” Alec begins, but doesn’t say more for a longer while. Magnus can’t blame him, he clearly doesn’t want to say the wrong thing, doesn’t know how to properly approach it not to trigger some bad memories.

“I didn’t really want to.” Magnus admits. “I wanted to leave this all behind… Clearly didn’t work.” He sighs heavily. “I don’t know where to start.”

It’s too much and he can’t find any good entry points.

“Baby,” Alec squeezes his hand a bit tighter and waits till he looks at him again. “Just start from the beginning.” He smiles softly.

Magnus might as well just start from the very beginning. He takes one more deep breath to compose himself.

“My father left my mom before I was even born, back in Indonesia. I’d never known him and that was okay. I had my mom and it was enough. We never really talked about it. Of course, when I grew up I asked her about my father, but she just said that he was not a good man and that we’re better of without him, so I dropped it. It always was only me and mom. Until there was only me…” He pauses for a while. It’s never easy for him to speak about his mother, and of course Alec knows that, so he gently wraps his arm around his back in a reassuring gesture. Magnus doesn’t fully look up at him, he lets his eyes fall to his lap, way too overwhelmed by this, but he can feel Alec watching him. “After her death… I was struggling. I was in a bad place, but I had amazing friends to help me through it. I’ve always considered them my family, but still… I just felt like there was something missing. I wanted to have this sort of a real family. My mom didn’t have any siblings, so no aunts or uncles. And then I found myself constantly thinking about my father. Did he even know about me? About my mom? I needed answers.”

“You went looking for him?” Alec prompts. Half stating half asking, but Magnus nods anyway.

“Yes.” He continues. “It wasn’t easy. Mom didn’t keep a lot of stuff about him, but somehow I managed. Turned out he ran a company in New Jersey, something about building constructions. So I went there to see him. When I met him, I explained everything. I told him about mom’s illness, but he didn’t really seem to care. He was just so… cold towards me. He said it has to be some mistake, that he never had a son, called my a lair.” Magnus stops again, as he feels tears pricking out in his eyes, recalling his father’s words from back then. “He told me he won’t be giving me any money, but it wasn’t even about that for me. I guess I just wanted to have a father. This whole thing was a mistake and it just put me down even more.” He hesitates, before speaking again. “Actually, besides Ragnor, you’re the only person who I’ve ever told about it… I just never wanted to repeat it. My friends saw I was down, but it was so recent after my mom that… they could blame it on this, but me and Ragnor, we speak about everything, but he promised not to tell anyone. I just…I thought you should know…”

He can see Alec nodding lightly in the corner of his eye. There’s a moment of silence, when no one else speaks, then Alec’s voice sounds again.

“Baby, I’m so sorry.” He begins gently. “I’m so sorry you had to go through something like this. That he treated you like this… it’s just awful.”

“And now he’s back.” Magnus states. “And he claims he wants to make things right. But why now?”

“I don’t know, love.” Alec answers softly and runs his hand up and down his back soothingly.

“I find it hard to believe.” Magnus shakes his head. “I mean, it was long ago, but… I can’t just trust him like this. He hurt me. Badly. Why hadn’t he reached out earlier, I just… I don’t know what to think.” He adds with frustration evident in his tone.

“Magnus, nobody will force you to act on it.” Alec starts slowly. “You can take as much time as you want to think about it and decide if this is something you want. It’s your decision, baby. And whatever you decide, it’s going to be fine. He acted horrible and he must know that it won’t be easy to fix, or to fix at all.”

Magnus nods thoughtfully, because Alec’s right. He doesn’t have any duty to make this right with his father. It’s his choice, his decision. But isn’t this kind of stupid? Holding grudges for so long… what if his father really is begin genuine, what if he realised his mistakes.

He won’t know if he doesn’t at least try to find out.

“What do you think I should do?” He asks his boyfriend after a moment, as he looks up at him.

“Babe, I told you. It’s your decision .” Alec caresses his palm gently.

“I know.” Magnus resorts, but still continues. “And I’m not asking you to decide for me, I’m asking for your advice. If you were in my place, what would you do?”

Alec exhales heavily, but only shrugs.

“I don’t know.” He admits. “People change and deserve second chances, but… after the way he made you feel… I really don’t know, baby. I’m not sure if I would take a chance to reconnect with my father now, not after everything. It still feels too fresh, but in your situation… it’s different.”

Magnus nods again, lost in the thoughts.

Alec is right. People change. He changed himself. Why wouldn’t Asmodeus? All of the questions are killing him and he knows that there’s only one way to get answers.

“Hey,” Alec’s voice pulls him out of this thought as he gently reaches to cup his face. “but whatever you decide, it’s gonna be fine, okay?”

“Yeah, I know.” He leans into his touch a bit more.

“Thank you for telling me about this.” Alec says and kisses his lips gently, making the corner’s of Magnus’ mouth turn up. “I’m with you through everything, please remember that.”

Magnus knows that. Alec would never turn away from him. He might not like some of his choices, but he always respects them, he trusts him to do the right thing. But right now, Magnus is not sure what’s right.

He’s afraid of getting hurt by his father again. He may not want to admit it out loud, but that’s the truth.

He’s not scared and alone anymore, like he was when he first met him. He has a family. He doesn’t need his father, but it would for sure lift some weight off of his shoulders, if he cleared things up with Asmodeus. Just to close this chapter.

_Or start a new one_, this thought appears in his mind, but he quickly shakes it off. He can’t get his hopes up.

What is important, is that he has people to support him.

Magnus exhales heavily, letting some tension slide off of him. It’s always hard to confess some things, even to Alec, no matter that he knows his boyfriend won’t judge. It’s been always hard to open up for him, but Alec somehow makes it easier.

“I actually feel kind of better after I told you.” He admits with relief.

“Then I’m glad.” Alec replies softly, but then adds more seriously. “You know you can tell me anything, right?”

“Of course I do, angel.” Magnus can’t help, but smile. “Same goes for you.”

Alec only answers with a smile and soon connects their lips in a kiss, that’s full of love and the gratefulness they share. Magnus brings his hand to rest on the nape of his neck to bring him closer, Alec’s palm still caressing the side of his face softly.

“Your mom could be here any second.” Magnus says teasingly in between the kisses. Alec only rolls his eyes fondly at him.

“Do you think I care, when my boyfriend truly needs me to show him how much I love and support him?” He says and Magnus lets out a warm chuckle.

“You could have just you said it.” He shrugs lightly, but his smile is even brighter.

“It’s not enough. I’m a man of action.”

“Since when?” Magnus laughs. “You’re the one who said we need to ‘tone down’ our make out session.”

“Can you just shut up? I’m trying to kiss you.” Alec decides to reply with that and eventually, Magnus complies.

And if Maryse finds them curled up on the couch treading kisses, when she comes back, she doesn’t comment on it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading, leave your thoughts and theories in the comments below, I'm very excited to hear them ;) So, I wasn't kidding when I said that the past comes back to haunt them... it literally does. Do you think Asmodeus is being genuine, or is it yet another trick? Let me know what you think, and I'll see you next week!


	7. The Plan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec implements his plan, but not everything goes the way he would want it to. Magnus is not happy with some of his choices.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi,  
I hope you all are doing well :) I'm almost done with school for this year and my Christmas break is approaching, which means more time to write! I've actually missed it, since I really haven't got much time to just sit and write recently, so I'm glad to be back at it!  
Anyways, this chapter some new characters show up, Alec starts with his plan to take down Raj, but how will it go? Read and find out for yourslef ;)
> 
> Enjoy the read!

Alec’s not sure what he’s doing.

All he knows, is that he should move, instead of observing this guy, because this won’t help them move further in their plan.

“You know that isn’t not a good plan, that’s why you’re stalling.” Lydia slips very helpfully from his side.

“I’m not stalling, I’m making observations.” Alec resorts, his leg bouncing nervously at his side, but his friend only throws him a resigned look.

“You know we don’t have to do this, right?” Lydia’s voice is much softer now.

Alec nods, because he does.

But it might be their best shot. He promised himself, and Magnus, that he won’t get close to Raj, so talking to his best friend might be the best thing to do now. Besides, talking to Raj about this would only make his suspicious, this isn’t something they want.

“Okay, I’m going.” Alec states and gets up, only hearing Lydia’s whisper of his name, but before she gets to say something more, he’s already on his way.

When he and Raj were together, they didn’t really spend a lot of time with each other’s friends. Now Alec realises that it’s yet another possessive behaviour from Raj’s side, because he was the one to always refuse, when Alec proposed for them to meet up with his siblings or Lydia. He always declared that he wanted Alec all to himself, and only now he realises how bad it sounds.

But he does know some of his friends, like Tyler, apparently his best friend. That’s the guy he’s been watching for half of his lunch break, waiting for the right moment to go and approach him when Raj wasn’t around. Right now, might be the best time.

He takes a few more long strides and gets closer to the man. He’s got a whole plan set up, how to play if for it not to be suspicious, however, from what he remembers, Raj’s friends were never really bright.

He can do this, it’s just a talk.

“Tyler.” Alec calls out and the man looks up from his phone, a slight smirk covering his features.

“Alec Lightwood.” He states and eyes him up and down. “To what do I owe this pleasure?”

Alec barely resists to roll his eyes, but only settles for a snot, that he somehow turns into a low chuckle.

“I was just…” He starts and pauses immediately to find some right words. He knows he’s safe, Lydia is watching his back all the time, and if any of them sees Raj approaching, then the mission is abort. “Could we talk?”

Tyler seems surprised at his offer, but doesn’t let his expression fall.

“I’m all yours.” He says and Alec answers with a smile, that he hopes doesn’t come off as bitter as he thinks it does.

“So… it’s kind of embarrassing actually, but you’re Raj’s best friend, so I thought you’d know.” Alec begins, but hesitates for a moment under the other’s man inquisitive gaze. “Do you maybe know if he’s had someone, after you know, after us?” He asks eventually.

“Planning on trying to win him back, Lightwood?” Tyler smirks again and Alec almost bursts out laughing. Like hell he is.

“Not exactly.” He shakes his head. Even the thought of it makes him sick and the next words barely come through his throat. “I’m just wondering how long it took him to… get over it, you know?”

“Was it long for you?” Tyler asks him instead, raising his brows and waiting for an answer.

“Kind of.” Alec replies. _But not because he broke my heart_, Alec thinks, _he’s hurt me much more_.

“Well, you kinda broke his heart, you know?” Tyler says with a hint of amusement. “So yeah, he needed to recover from that.”

Yeah, maybe if he actually had a heart to break, Alec would understand that.

“But yeah, he was with some guy when he was at NYU.” Tyler continues casually. “Didn’t last long though.” He shrugs.

“Do you know him?”

“Not really.” The man admits. “Josh or something, that was his name I guess. They studied business together for a short while, before he got back here.”

Alec nods lightly at his words and then another thought hits him.

“Yeah and about that, do you know why did he get back here again?” He wonders what story Raj sold to his friends, he doesn’t really expect from Tyler to tell him the truth Lydia found out.

“He got sick of his father demanding way too much from him.” The man explain.

“Then why go there in the first place?”

Tyler gives him an amused, kind of sly smile.

“To get away from you.” He resorts and Alec frowns. “He really cared for you and it hurt him to keep seeing you every day so…”

Alec doesn’t really knows what to answer, so he only nods, but yet again, he feels sick.

“And that guy, Josh…” Alec recalls and changes the subject quickly. “Do you know anything more?”

“What for, Lightwood?” Tyler asks apprehensively.

“Oh, just-“ Alec tries to come up with some excuse. Fuck, he’s being too oblivious.

“Wait, I know.” Tyler raises his hand and points a finger at him. “You want to check out your competition.”

“You’ve got me.” Alec replies and forces out a chuckle. He might as well just roll with that, no matter how much he feels like he’s going to throw up.

“Give me your phone.” He says and Alec does. Tyler scrolls through it for a few seconds, before he turns the screen for Alec to see and hands it back.

“That’s his Instagram.” He shows him the page and Alec takes a second to look. “To be fair, I don’t think he’s as handsome as you.” He adds, his eyes sliding over him on more time.

Alec steps back and tries to hide his disgust with a smile, but he knows he’s failing.

“Thanks.” He says sharply and clears his throat. “I’d appreciate if you didn’t tell Raj about this. Like I said, it’s kind of embarrassing, but I just wanted to know.” He shrugs.

“Your secret is safe with me, Lightwood.” Tyler offers him another weary smile. With one last nod, Alec walks away, probably a bit faster than he should.

He joins Lydia at their previous spot, collapsing heavily onto his chair and running hand over his face.

“I feel like I might throw up.” He admits as he hides his face in his palms.

“What happened?” Lydia asks, truly concerned.

“Just heard some stuff I didn’t want to.” He resorts and shakes his head, before looking back at his friend. Lydia smiles at him sympathetically and claps a hand over his shoulder. “But I did get some info.” He adds, opening the Instagram page that Tyler showed him and handnig his phone to Lydia. She takes it and scrolls through some pictures. “They also studied business together at NYU.”

“Well, that’s something.” Lydia resorts, still looking at the phone. “That’s a lot actually. We can find his Facebook page and somehow contact him now.” She nods to herself. “Okay, so how do we do this?”

“I’m not sure.” Alec admits and bites his lip nervously. “I can’t just text him to say that I know what his ex-boyfriend did to him.”

“Look,” Lydia says and shows him something on his phone. “on his page, it says he’s a part of the university’s drama club. They have meetings every Wednesday and Friday”

“Okay, that’s good.” Alec nods. “We can go there tomorrow and try to talk to him.”

“Alec,” Lydia grabs his hand and makes gently to get his attention, she gives him a pointed look, but he only answers with a shrug. “Slow down.”

“What?” He says, confused.

“There’s no rush. I feel like you’re getting too much into it. Slow down.” She repeats the last part slower.

“Why should I wait? We don’t even know if he’ll want to talk to us. Lydia, if he doesn’t want to do anything with this, then it’s better for me to know sooner. I will only get more worked up thinking this actually has a purpose and then, I’ll just get let down.”

Lydia sighs heavily, but nods in the end. They agree to go there tomorrow after classes. They have to try, at least.

While getting home, Alec somehow can’t get Lydia’s words out of his head. It’s not that he’s rushing, no. He’s just really unsure about this whole thing, and talking to this Josh guy is the best they can do. He’s doing it for his own sanity, because if he doesn’t find out soon, if this is something they will continue to work on, then these thoughts will only be keeping him in suspense. And that’s not good.

Well and now, there’s this part of breaking the news to Magnus. Alec knows that he’s boyfriend is against his whole plan, but at least he decided to trust him on this, for which Alec is thankful. But to actually know what they stand on after the talk with Josh, should also ease Magnus up. Or make him even more worried. Alec’s not sure.

But he did promise himself he will inform Magnus about everything. For several reasons. Mostly, because he deserves to know, but also because Alec is aware that he should bottle up all of his feelings about this, and Magnus is the only person he trusts to tell.

They’re half way through making dinner while he decides to bring it up, but first, there’s one more think he’d like to know.

“Have you been thinking about what to do with your father?” Alec prompts as he leans back onto the kitchen island and observes Magnus as he cooks at the stove. He stops at his task to turn and face Alec as he answers.

“I have.” He admits, but his face twists into a little frown. “But to be honest, I’m not sure yet.”

It’s been a bit of a shock, Alec has to admit, to find out about Magnus’ father. He couldn’t really believe that it never came up, but he understands why Magnus wouldn’t like to talk about this. His father hurt him, and it couldn’t be easy to recover after that. He’s not mad, he’s hidden stuff himself at the beginning, what matters is that Magnus eventually decided to tell him. Now it’s totally up to him, whatever he decides to do, Alec will stand by him.

“I did get his number, though.” Magnus adds as he focuses back at cooking. “He left it at the reception in Alicante’s building.”

“Take your time, babe.” Alec just says lightly. “There’s no rush.”

“I know, love. I just want to make sure I’m not doing something I will regret later.”

Alec nods lightly at his words and then speaks again.

“So… me and Lydia found that guy from NYU, you know…” He trails off, but he’s sure Magnus knows. He abandons his task and turns back to face him, crossing his hands over his chest, a gesture Alec can recognize as him being nervous or concerned.

“And?” Magnus asks.

“We’re meeting him tomorrow.”

“You contacted him?”

“Not exactly.” Alec shakes his head. “I wouldn’t know what to say. I think it’s better if we just talk face to face. We’re going to try to talk to him after his classes.”

Magnus nods thoughtfully, his eyes settled on the floor, and Alec can see how much he restrains from saying something more. He sighs heavily and says:

“Whatever it is, just say it.”

“You can’t expect him to want to talk to you.” Magnus resorts and shrugs a little. “I’m not sure if it’s a good plan.”

“I’m aware that he might not want to talk. But do you have any other idea how we should do it?” Alec questions, but he doesn’t like something about Magnus’ tone when he speaks.

“Maybe not do it at all?” He proposes.

“Here we go again…” Alec mutters. “Didn’t we agree on this?”

“Agree how?” Magnus asks and Alec feels him getting riled up. “You know I’m not a fan of this whole thing.”

“Yes, but we agreed that you will trust me on this.”

“I trust you. I just don’t trust other people that might hurt you in this process.” Magnus answers harshly.

“I told you, I will be careful. I promised you.” Alec tries calmly.

“Yeah, and how did you find out about this guy?” Magnus demands then.

Alec lets out another deep exhale and looks down, because he knows that Magnus is not going to like what he’s about to say.

“I talked to Raj’s friend.” He admits.

“Great!” Magnus exclaims and throws his arms in the air in a resigned gesture. “You said you’d stay away from him.”

“And I did. I didn’t get close to him-“

“And how is that any better? God, Alec can you stop being so careless, this is serious-”

“I’m not being careless, what are you talking about? Lydia was having my back the whole time.” Alec cuts in. He really tries to stay calm, but he can feel his voice raising in his throat too. Magnus doesn’t know how exactly he handled it, so he has no right to judge him of being careless in this. He thought this through a lot of times, he knows what he’s doing. Why can’t Magnus just understand it? “Can we for once talk about this without you turning this into a fight?” He adds in a resigned tone.

“I’m turning this into a fight?” Magnus repeats with disbelief. “Sorry for being worried about you.” He snorts.

“Yes, you are turning this into a fight.” Alec accuses again, this time way less calm than before, because it’s true, and he knows he should say it. “You’re blowing up and start yelling basically every time I bring this up. I get that you’re worried, but that doesn’t mean that we can’t speak calmly about this. I am telling you about this, because I want you to know what I’m currently doing about this whole thing, but if it’s only going to lead to us arguing, then I don’t have to say anything and leave you completely in the dark. Is that what you want? For me to just go on with this and not inform you about anything? Because I can do that.”

Magnus opens his mouth like he wants to say something, but then closes it, and Alec can see it in his face, when he realises that Alec is indeed right. His features soften, but for Alec it’s not enough. It’s hard for him too, but he decided to do it for the greater good. He expected Magnus’ support, but instead, he feel like it’s constantly making them fight, and he hates it, because he feels that it’s his fault. Tears start to burn in his eyes, because he’s so tired of it, he doesn’t want to drop this whole thing, but if it’s putting such a strain on his and Magnus’ relationship… then maybe he should?

He just lets out a shuttering breathe and proceeds to leave the kitchen.

“I have to study.” He murmurs, almost not audible for Magnus to hear as he heads to the bedroom.

“Alexander…” Magnus calls out after him, but he doesn’t even turn around, doesn’t have enough strength to look him in the eyes. He’s vaguely aware that he passes his mom on his way, but doesn’t really care that she probably heard some part of their fight. He’s just too done for this.

Alec intends to study, he really does, but nothing seems to be getting into his head. He can’t focus. He feels down, more than usually and he hates that he might be crawling into some dark hole again, tries to fight it as much as he can, but knows that eventually, it’s inevitable.

He gets startled when there’s a knock on his door. He’s not sure if Magnus would knock to enter his own bedroom, considering the state they’re in right now, he might, but he doesn’t answer anyway. After a few seconds, Maryse peaks her head in, smiling gently.

“Can I come in?” She asks carefully.

Alec nods, there’s no point in being mean to his mom when she means no harm. And he actually feels that he doesn’t want to be alone anymore. It might have helped at the beginning, he needed time to cool off, but now, it isn’t what he needs.

He needs Magnus. He wants Magnus, but he’s not ready to admit it yet.

“Hi, son.” Maryse sits down on the edge of the bed. “How are you doing?”

Alec just shrugs faintly. His mom smiles again and looks around the room. It’s probably the first time she’s ever been here.

“What are you studying?” She prompts as her eyes rest on his books.

“I’m not actually sure.” Alec admits and it brings out a chuckle from Maryse. Alec finds himself smiling a bit too. They sit in silence for a while, before Maryse begins again, and when Alec looks up at her, he can see that her expression is more serious.

“Alec, listen.” She starts, but doesn’t look at him. “I have to ask you something.”

“Sure.”

“Is it…” She stops, clearly struggling to find the right words to express whatever it is she wants to say. “Am I… is it because of me that you and Magnus keep fighting? Because since I’m here I feel… I mean I can see you two arguing quite often, and I would hate to be the cause of this, so please tell me and I can move out or-“

“Mom,” Alec gently stops her rumbling and she finally looks up at him, when he takes her hand and squeezes it delicately. “it’s not because of you. I promise.”

Now, he feels guilty that they made her feel like this. It’s just an unfortunate coincidence that with Maryse moving in here, all of the other problems came crashing on them. But living with Maryse is not one of them. She really is no bother, and should not be worried about this.

“Mom, we’re really happy you’re here with us, I swear.” Alec continues softly. “Really.”

“Okay.” Maryse exhales, truly relieved. “I was just worried-“

“I’m sorry, if we made you feel like this-“ Alec interrupts, but his mom shakes his head and cuts in again.

“No. No, I guess I was just being paranoid.” She admits with a quite laugh. “Of course you can have your reasons to disagree on some things. I just… you know you can talk to me, right? Whatever it is about.”

Alec nods. He knows this, but… it’s too much for now.

“Honey, really.” Maryse carries on. “You’re usually so in tune with each other. I hate to see you like this.”

She doesn’t exactly push, but Alec knows that she won’t let go, if she doesn’t get some kind of an answer.

“We’re just…” Alec begins, but shrugs lightly. “Some things came crashing on us. Things that we might have not been ready for… We just need to figure it out, we’ll be fine. I promise.”

Maryse nods, but Alec can see that she’s not fully satisfied with his answers, he knows he got his way around actually answering, but he’s really not ready to tell her more. She seems to notice it and just lets go, giving his hand a reassuring squeeze.

“If so, you know where to find me.” She says with a smile and leans in to kiss him lightly on the forehead as she gets up from the bed. Then she leaves, and Alec feels a tiny bit better after talking to her.

Alec’s not sure how much time has passed after his mom left the room, but he decides to abandon his studies completely. It’s just pointless. Instead, he just lays down and scrolls mindlessly through his phone. That’s when the door opens again, this time to reveal Magnus’ form in them. He’s carrying two mugs in his hands, carefully balancing them and closing the door behind him. Alec sits up on the bed as he approaches and sets the drinks on the bedside table.

“Hi,” He says and settles himself on the bed next to Alec. He looks guilty, Alec can see that, desperately trying to hide it behind a smile. That’s probably the only kind of smile that Alec hates from Magnus. The one that he puts on when he wants to hide his feelings. He's learnt to distinguish them quite early on in their relationship. “I made us some tea, since it’s way too late for coffee.” Magnus speaks in an attempt to relax the mood a bit.

“You know that tea actually has caffeine too, right?” Alec says and Magnus’ expression drops for a second, before he notices that Alec is smiling. “I’m just teasing.” He adds and his boyfriend lets out a brief chuckle. He hands Alec the mug and then there are just a few moments of silence, before any of them speaks.

“It’s actually an ‘I’m sorry’ tea.” Magnus says then.

“Mhm?” Alec hums and hides his smile in his cup.

“Yeah,” Magnus nods, but his eyes are focused on the bedsheets, as he sweeps his palm on them. “because I am sorry.” He continues and bites his lip. “God, I’m so sorry, Alec. I’m being an idiot. I’m making this all about myself being worried about you, when it’s you who has a harder part to play in this. And instead of showing my support I feel that I keep bringing you down, that I’m not showing you enough support. Hell, I’m not showing you any support. Fuck, I’m really sorry, darling, I-“

“Magnus,” Alec stops him gently and his voice makes him look up. There’s this scared expression in his eyes. “it’s fine, I-“

“No, Alexander, it’s not fine.” Magnus shakes his head. “I acted terrible, and only your words made me realise that. I feel like I’m only making this harder for you, and I am so sorry for it.”

“I just feel like…” Alec tries, but he knows that with what he says, he’ll feel Magnus feel even worse. “I just feel like you don’t believe that I can do this. That I’m not strong enough…”

“Darling,” Magnus places his mug down on the bedside table again and grabs his hand. “I am so sorry I made you feel like this. Of course I believe in you, you are so strong. You can do everything.” He tightens the hold on his hand. “I hope you’ll forgive me for how I acted, it was really unacceptable from me.”

“I don’t want us to fight about this anymore.” Alec admits and sweeps his thumb against Magnus’ hand, fixing his sight on their joined palms. “Magnus, if it really bothers you so much, I can maybe consider dropping this-“

“No.” Magnus interrupts him. “No, Alec. I don’t want you to quit because of me. From now on, you have my full support. I know you’re doing this for yourself, angel, and I would hate to rip you away from it because of me being paranoid. I promise you, I’m done with the fights. I love you, and I will support you. And I want you to tell me everything about this, okay? I want to know, and you can’t bottle it up. I promise I won’t blow up like this again.”

And the way Magnus says these words, with such desperation… Alec’s left with no other choice than to believe him. He knows what this means, the way he speaks, it means that Magnus is afraid, but most likely afraid of Alec leaving him, or of Alec being mad at him. Deep down, they both know that they can’t stay mad for each other long.

“Okay,” Alec resorts and rests his now empty mug next to Magnus’. “I believe you.” He can see a relieved smile creeping over his boyfriend’s face. “No more fights. Not about this.”

“No more, I promise.” Magnus agrees instantly.

“Good.” Alec states and he himself feels a bit lighter, because they’re okay. Of course they are, there was no other way for them to be, but he just really hates it when he and Magnus fight. It doesn’t happen often, but when it does, it’s not pleasant for any of them. The most important thing, is that they always learn from it. “See, it wasn’t so difficult to talk about this calmly, was it?” He adds a bit teasingly.

“Yeah, it wasn’t.” Magnus chuckles lightly. “I’m sorry.” He repeats.

“It’s fine, baby.” Alec resorts and cups his face gently.

He always tries to put himself in the other’s person’s shoes. This time, to put himself in Magnus’ position. If he was the one trying to bring his abusive ex to justice. They dealt with Camille, true, but it was different. And of course he would be worried, if Magnus was doing such thing, but he always has his undying support. He’s happy they're on the same page now.

“I love you so much.” Magnus rests their foreheads together. “I’m so sorry, darling.”

“Stop apologizing.” Alec shakes his head amusingly. “I told you, it’s fine.”

“Okay.” Magnus whispers and as they both close their eyes, he brings their lips together, placing his hands on Alec’s neck to bring him closer. It’s been only a few hours since they last touched each other, but Alec still missed it.

Magnus gives him barely a second to take a breath, before he’s kissing him again, wanting him even closer, reaching for him with such desperation like he really was afraid that Alec might leave. Soon their kisses turn deeper, so intense that Alec can’t stop the quite moan tearing from his throat, and Magnus gladly swallows the sounds. Alec breaks of the kiss and rests his finger on Magnus’ lips when he chases after his mouth.

“Mom’s still in the next room, so don’t think something’s changed.” He says, his voice laced with mischief.

“No make up sex then.” Magnus sighs, but then only smiles at him amusingly. “It was worth a try, though.” He shrugs and Alec laughs.

“We can cuddle.” Alec offers, but Magnus still doesn’t look convinced as he glances at him with pleading eyes. “That’s the best you’re getting, so better don’t complain.” Magnus just sends him another pout, so he rolls his eyes and adds. “Okay, I may even kiss you.”

This seems to be enough to convince him and they both laugh as they move to lay down on the bed. Magnus hugs him tightly, providing such pleasing warmth. Alec indeed kisses him, even a few times and when they eventually fall asleep after trading a dozen more kisses, Alec sleeps better than in a while.

The anxiety is raising in him with every second. He and Lydia are waiting outside the college building from which Josh should emerge at any second now. Alec rehearsed what he’s going to say to him in his head for what feels like a thousand times, but now he can’t remember any words. They can’t scare him of, he knows it. But they also can’t push too much.

“Look,” Lydia’s voice brings him out of his thoughts as she points lightly with her head. “it’s him.”

Alec follows her line of sight and sees the man. He looks exactly like in the few recent pictures from his page. Brown curls, blue eyes. He's tall, but definitely not taller than Alec. He’s wearing a well-fitting dark blue polo shirt and black trousers. He does strike as the artist type, and Alec has to admit, he’s handsome.

“Ready?” Lydia asks and without taking his eyes of the man, Alec nods and with heart raising to his throat, they start to move.

Josh is checking something on his phone when they approach and he doesn’t notice them immediately. When they get closer, he raises his head and just gives them a weird, confused look.

“Can I help you with something?” He prompts with a frown when they come to a stop in front of him. Alec turns for help to Lydia, but she only shrugs, reminding him that he was supposed to do the talking.

“Yeah, we’re…” Alec begins, but then shakes his head. _Get it together, Lightwood, it’s just a simple talk_. He breathes out one more time and then speaks. “You’re Josh, right?”

“Yes…” The man trails of suspiciously. “But do I know you, or something?”

“We have a mutual acquaintance.” Alec replies, way less confident than he’d like to. “I’m Alec, and this is my friend Lydia.” He introduces them and Lydia offers a little wave as Josh’s eyes slide over to her.

“Well, it’s nice to meet you, but what is this about?” The man asks warily. “What mutual friend?” He still sounds confused. Alec can’t blame him, he’s aware that they’re not making any sense. They need to get to the point, sooner or later, because if not, then it all is just pointless.

“Raj.” Alec states and can visibly see how a shadow of fear passes through the man’s face as he drops his gaze from where he’s been looking at Alec.

“Look, whatever you’re here for, I don’t want to do anything with him so…” Josh says after a while and begins to walk off as Alec desperately tries to find some words to make him stay and talk some more.

“Wait,” He begins and the man turns to him again. “We know you had been together.” Alec states and notices another wave of dread in Josh’s face. “We know how he treated you-“

“How do you know that?” Josh questions sharply. “Or you know what, never mind-“

“We know because I was with him too.” Alec rushes to say. “I know what it feels like.” He desperately searches for the man’s gaze, and when they lock eyes for a moment, he sees something flash in his. “Look, we can explain everything, but better not here. I promise, we.. want to help you-“

“I don’t need anyone’s help.” Josh resorts in a harsh tone.

“I know.” Alec tries calmly. “I know, but look. We know he hurt you. He hurt me too, maybe in a different way, but still. All I’m saying, it that he should pay for what he did to us and maybe, to the people he’ll get involved with next.”

“Is it some kind of sick revenge plot, or what?”

“No,” Lydia cuts in. “we’re lawyers, and when we say he should pay, we really mean it.”

Josh eyes them curiously but with caution for a few seconds, but then only shakes his head.

“Look, I don’t know what you expect from me, and I don’t really care. It’s all in the past and there’s no need to ponder about it, okay? I’m done. We’re done, and I don’t want to come back to this-“

“I understand.” Alec cuts in gently. “But think about the people who might get hurt next-“

“Well, it’s their mistake then.” Josh just says harshly. “I gotta go.”

“Wait!” Alec calls out one more time. “Just… if you’d ever feel like talking about this, for whatever reason,” He pulls out a piece of paper from his pocket and hands it to him. “you can call me. Just because I really think we can understand each other. Please think this through, he can get what he deserves.”

“Thanks, but I don’t think I’ll use it.” Josh resorts, already walking away, leaving him and Lydia basically alone. Alec looks after him, until he disappears behind another building.

He’s not sure what he feels. Disappointment? Failure? Maybe both. But they did try. They can’t force him to do anything, but maybe deep down Alec really thought this would work. Maybe this is why it feels so weird?

“You okay?” Lydia rests her hand on his shoulder. He nods, but still looks at the place where Josh has disappeared from a few seconds ago. “At least we tried, right?” His friend tries reassuringly.

“Yeah, we did.” Alec admits and turns to her, offering something resembling a smile, but he’s sure she can see right through it. “He was scared, I could see that. He’s still afraid of him.”

“There’s nothing you can do, Alec.” Lydia squeezes his shoulder delicately.

“I wish I could speak to him for a bit more, maybe I could-“

“Don’t push it.” Lydia just shakes her head, offering a reassuring expression. “You tried. That’s all you could do.”

He nods at her words. It’s true, he did all he could. Maybe he could have handled it better, but still. They promises that they won’t push. So it’s over. It happened and they did all they could.

So why does it still feel like such a failure?

Maybe because Alec saw a man, who’s still in pain, and deep down he knows that at some point it might be his fault? Because if he’d done something about this earlier, this wouldn’t happen?

He knows that there are things that just can’t be fixed, but that doesn’t mean that it feels right.

When he comes back home, he sees Magnus is resisting the urge to jump at him with questions about his earlier encounter. He stands in the hallway’s doorway and waits anxiously while Alec takes of his shoes and jacket, letting out and exasperated sigh when he does. 

“So,” Magnus prompts when Alec finally turns to him. “how did it go?”

Alec lets out a long exhale again and closes his eyes briefly, shaking his head as the wave of disappointment, in himself, washes over him again.

“Badly.” He answers shortly and heads into the living room. He’s always had troubles with admitting to his failures and this time is no different. Even if he knows nobody will blame him. He should have known this would end like it. It was stupid to get any hopes up. This whole thing was stupid. He thought he could somehow help, but maybe it was more for himself than for this guy. Because it is his fault, he was a coward to not do anything when he had his chance.

“Badly, how?” Magnus inquires as he follows him.

“He doesn’t want to have anything to do with it.” Alec recalls with a shrug. “He barely wanted to talk. You were right, you can say ‘I told you so’. This whole thing was stupid.”

“Darling, don’t say that. You were just trying to help-“ Magnus tries softly.

“Yeah, at least you can stop worrying now.” Alec resorts a bit bitterly, but it’s not actually directed towards Magnus, he’s still mad at himself. “It’s over.”

“Hey, you know I don’t wish it was.” Magnus states and trails his hand up and down his arm soothingly from where they’re still standing in the middle of the room, Alec’s too worked up to sit still for now. “I know it was important to you.”

Alec nods with another heavy sigh. He really hates this feeling, but that’s the truth and he needs to face it: there’s nothing more he can do. He bites his lip hard to try to shake off this overwhelming sensation, but he can’t really stop himself before the words escape him.

“I feel like it’s my fault.” He confesses and Magnus’ expression turns onto full alarm as he tries to reach his eyes.

“What’s your fault, darling?” He asks gently.

“I should have done something when I had my chance. I should have done something to make sure he won’t hurt another person-“

“Alexander, this wasn’t your job to do. You needed to deal with this yourself.” Magnus swiftly interrupts him. And as if predicating Alec’s next words, he speaks further on. “Sometimes we have to put ourselves first, it’s not selfish to want to get better after something like this.”

“But still…” Alec pauses and considers his next words. “I could see how scared he was. He’s still afraid of him and… I guess being with Raj has made me a coward, I guess it makes everyone feel lesser, I-“

“You are not a coward, angel.” Magnus speaks firmly. “Neither is this Josh and you know it. It’s his choice and he has every right to do as he pleases, you know that too.”

“I do.” Alec admits, because he really does. Sadly, it doesn’t make him feel better. “I wish I could help.” He adds in a lower tone.

“And you tried.” Magnus reminds him one more time. “And what he chose to do is not your fault. Nothing that happened to him is your fault, alright?”

Alec doesn’t reply for a longer moment, and when he does he knows that it’s not what Magnus wants to hear, but at least he’s being honest.

“I guess I’m just mad at myself because I feel like I failed.” He confesses and doesn’t look him in the eyes.

“None of this was up to you.” Magnus says in a stern tone and cups his face. “Hey, look at me.” After another moment, Alec finally does. “Do you understand that? You can’t blame yourself.”

He’s aware of this, and Magnus actually makes a lot of sense, he wants to believe him, he really does, but it might take some time.

Eventually, he nods and even if Magnus might not be fully satisfied with his nonverbal answer, he lets go of his face and gives him a sharp nod himself.

“Come here.” With that, he brings his arms around him and hugs him tightly. “You are so brave, angel. Please, don’t forget that.”

Alec buries himself further into his embrace, soaking up every single word he can, because it does make him feel better. Magnus’ voice, the warmth of his body pressed tightly next to his. It’s enough to reassure him. Failure is inevitable, but he has to move on from that. He did all he could.

“Alright, now you have to eat something and then we can do whatever you’d like to.” Magnus states when the pull apart, but still holds him close.

Alec knows it’s pointless to protest, so soon he follows his boyfriend into the kitchen where he has dinner waiting for them. And if they spend the rest of the night cuddling on the couch, basically not saying a word, but feeling more than content like this, Alec for sure doesn’t complain. Actually, he feels like it’s something he needs. Not everything might be good now, he still doesn’t feel fully okay, but this, Magnus by his side, it definitely helps.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for taking the time to read! Let me know what you think about this chapter, I always love to hear your theories! So, do you think Alec's plan is over before it even really started, with Josh not willing to cooperate? What do you think about Josh himself? Did Magnus have a right to get this angry? Let me hear your thoughts in the comments below! I'll see you next week :)


	8. The Second Chance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus makes some decisions about his father, then reveals them to Alec and meets up with Asmodeus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello,  
It's almost Christmas time and here I come with another update! Looking a bit closely into Asmodeus this time, since Magnus makes some decisions... Who knows how they will turn out?
> 
> Enjoy the read!

Magnus can’t help, but feel relieved. And he kind of hates it.

Because this whole thing put Alec down so much. He really thought, he would be able to help. The truth is, that it was not up to him and he did all he could. Magnus will do everything to make sure he understands that.

But now, he can basically feel the relief washing over him, because Alec won’t be going any further into this. Because it’s done, and it means he can cross at least this one thing off of his things to worry about list. He still hates that Alec has to be around his ex on the campus, but at least there’s less risk in triggering his memories if he’s not going to try to come after him.

But that’s only one thing. There’s still the case of his father.

And Magnus has been thinking. He finds himself staring at his father’s number more often now, trying to decide if he should call. It’s been a little over a week and Asmodeus haven’t shown up again. He’s clearly giving Magnus his space, just like he wanted too. Did he finally learn to respect Magnus’ wishes?

Magnus wants to find out. But still, he’s not sure.

He tries to take his mind off of his worries. Spends a lot of time with Alec, making sure he is okay after, as he calls it, ‘his failure’. He keeps reminding him every single time that it is not and slowly, he can see that Alec starts to believe that. He finally realises, that he indeed did all he could and it wasn’t up to him. It took a few days, but now Magnus sees, that his boyfriend is back on the right track. He’s really glad that this incident didn’t trigger Alec to spiral down further.

Maryse might have noticed something being off, but she tried to keep her distance and let them figure it out, but it didn’t stop her from asking Magnus a few times if Alec is okay. He assured her that it’s only temporary. Alec told him that his mother was worried about being the reason of their recent fights, so he also made his attempt at reassuring her, that it is not her fault, and that they have already figured it out. He apologized that they made her feel like this, but Maryse just waved him off, saying that she’s just happy that they’re all okay.

And they really are. Magnus can’t believe how much of an asshole he was for treating Alec so harshly about this whole thing. He didn’t realise how hard it was on his boyfriend too. He was just so worried and everything kept zoning out to the point where he and Raj would somehow come across each other, and he hated even the thought of it. Alec is so lenient to forgive him like this and Magnus couldn’t be more thankful. He’ll do everything to make his awful behaviour up to him.

It feels like they can finally breathe. There’s still the matter of Magnus’ father, but he tries to push it to the back of his head now. Alec was right when he told him that he should take his time, and this is exactly what he’s been doing.

“We have to discuss this so our plans won’t collide.” Magnus states one day when they’re preparing dinner. Alec is sitting on the counter next to him, trying to steal pieces of food and Magnus once more snaps his hand away, only chucking at his hurtful expression.

Their anniversary is approaching and knowing them, they will try to surprise each other. Which of course is lovely, but they have to at least plan it out somehow for their plans not to get in the way of another one.

“Alright, so I’m taking you somewhere.” Alec decides. “I’ll be a surprise.”

“What if I want to take you somewhere to surprise you?” Magnus fires back.

“You’ve just thrown me a surprise party.” Alec reminds him with accusation in his tone.

“Yeah, but it was your birthday.” Magnus resorts simply. “It’s different.”

“Doesn’t change that it’s now my turn to surprise you with something.” His boyfriend points out and Magnus growls in frustration. It’s really hard when both of them try to be romantic and stuff. “You can surprise me with your gift.” Alec proposes.

“But you’ll be also surprising me with your gift.” Magnus says. “So it’s unfair if you’re choosing the location too.”

“It isn’t if you count in the birthday party.” Alec resorts with a shrug.

“I told you, it’s different-“ Magnus tries, but this time his boyfriend’s groan stops him.

“Why want you let me do anything for you?” He moans, but it’s laced with amusement and Magnus can’t help, but smile too. “Come here.” Alec tugs at his arm.

“Alexander, the dinner-“

“No, come here.” Alec just insists, shaking his head and pulling him closer till he stands in between his knees. He cups his face and just looks at him for a few seconds with a soft smile on his lips before he speaks. “You’ve done so much for me. Let me at least do something on our special day, okay?”

Magnus considers his words, still kind of thinking that it’s unfair to let him do the bigger part of their anniversary and Alec seems to notice that, just shaking his head with disbelief and leaning in to kiss him on the lips.

“Please.” He murmurs in between kisses. “Just this once. We still have plenty more anniversaries to come.” A smug smile appears on his lips and Magnus can’t help, but kiss him again at this thought. Then he sees a movement in the corner of his eye and turns away to see Maryse entering the kitchen. He tries to pull away from Alec, but his boyfriend stops him with his hands on his waist.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt anything…” Maryse trails off as her eyes rake over them. “I’m just gonna make some coffee and be on my way-“

“No, mom actually it’s good you’re here.” Alec says and both Maryse and Magnus throw him a confused gaze. Alec looks at them and only rolls his eyes, then his sight returns to his mom. “You can tell Magnus to let me choose the location for our anniversary dinner. I want to surprise him.”

Maryse chuckles lightly before she starts.

“And I guess Magnus wants to be the one to surprise you?” She questions with a pointed look at Magnus and they both nod. “Well, you did a lot of work with Alec’s birthday party.” She continues, not taking her eyes off of Magnus. “I say, you should let Alec be the one to surprise you this time.”

“But, birthdays are different-“ Magnus attempts again, but it gets lost as Alec throws a victorious ‘hah’ at him.

“Thanks mom.” Alec says and leans onto Magnus’ chest as his mother throws him a wink and smiles at both of them as she leaves the kitchen.

“Always at your service!” She calls out on her way.

“You see, I was right.” Alec’s singing voice sounds as he jokingly pokes his finger at Magnus’ chest.

“She has to agree with you, she’s your mom.” Magnus grumbles back, but with no heat in his tone.

“No, I’m just always right.” Alec resorts as he shakes his head.

“I could argue about that.” Magnus teases and hooks his arms around his neck, bringing him closer. Seems like the rules about making out don’t apply recently and Magnus can’t say he’s not happy about that.

“Really, you could?” Alec mocks, but none of them finds out the answer since their lips get occupied with other activities than talking.

Magnus certainly doesn’t mind.

His day at work is slow. So slow that he considers going home, but there’s this meeting at 3pm that he just has to be at. He goes through his tasks unhurriedly, double checking everything, but he still has a lot of time at his hands.

Which of course prompts more thinking, mostly about his father.

Everything is going great again and he doesn’t want to mess something up by bringing Asmodeus to his life again. But on the other hand, he also can’t help, but think that it would give him something he’s been craving. A real father.

This might be a chance to get him. A chance for Asmodeus to be one.

And fuck, he had spent enough time thinking. It’s been keeping him up all nights, and one thing he knows for sure. Magnus Bane is a risk taker, so that’s exactly what he’s going to do. He can only hope he won’t regret it later.

When his lunch break comes, he sneaks out of the building to make sure he won’t get overheard and after taking a deep breath, without further hesitation, he picks the number.

His father answers almost immediately.

“Hello?” Asmodeus’ deep voice sounds at the other line

“Hi, it’s me.” Magnus starts, suddenly not sure how to form him words. “It’s Magnus.”

There’s a moment of silence, before his father speaks again.

“I’m so happy to hear from you, son.”

“Yeah…” Magnus pauses once more, before deciding to finally get to the point. “I’ve been thinking… I want to meet.”

“Really?” Asmodeus questions with a hint of disbelief.

“Yeah, I want to talk and then I’ll consider giving you a second chance.” He resorts as confidently as he can.

“Just name a time and a place, I’ll be there.” His father speaks, slowly but surely.

“How about tomorrow?” Magnus prompts. “I’ll send you the details.”

“Sounds perfect.” Asmodeus agrees and after a while, he adds. “Thank you, son.”

Magnus still doesn’t like the fact that he’s calling him son now, especially so many times, but there’s also something about this, that he’s always wanted to hear. It’s a weird feeling, but he decides not to dwell on it too hard now.

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” He just answers and hangs up.

He feels somehow lighter after making this decision, but also, still unsure. Only tomorrow and the talk with his father will show if he’s made a good choice.

Magnus doesn’t really know why he’s nervous about telling Alec about his decision. His boyfriend himself was the one who told him that he will respect his every choice and support him, so Magnus really can’t grasp why he’s scared of Alec judging him and his decision. He never did, and never will be, he also said that multiple times.

Still, it takes him a few attempts to actually say it. Alec doesn’t ask a lot about this, only at time, but always casually and not demanding any concrete answer. After he comes back from work he tries to avoid this subject, but no one even brings it up, which also kind of doesn’t give him a good entry point. It’s only hours later, when he and Alec are just lazing on the couch, doing nothing in particular, with Maryse working on some lawsuit in her room that he finally decides to speak.

“So, I’ve been thinking about my father.” He begins and Alec turns to look at him, fully focusing his attention on his boyfriend.

“Yeah?” He prompts carefully and Magnus nods.

“Yeah, I decided I’m going to meet him.” Magnus replies in a thoughtful tone, still not fully certain if it’s a good idea. He feels like Alec’s reaction will kind of settle that. If he’s going to approve, then Magnus will feel more confident about this, if not, well then it will only sink in that he did something he might regret.

“Okay…” Alec pauses for a few seconds as if searching for some words, but he doesn’t speak furthermore, doesn’t give him any proper reaction, so Magnus continues.

“I called him today. We’re meeting tomorrow.” He pinpoints.

“Do you want me to come with you?” Alec’s question comes next and Magnus is a bit taken aback for a moment, because this wasn’t what he expected to hear.

Does he want Alec to go with him?

It would be great to have him by his side, to have someone to ground him, because he’s not sure how he’s going to feel around his father. Probably uncomfortable, since he barely knows him and the only memories he has of him are terrible. Magnus hasn’t really given it a thought yet. Should he somehow prepare for this? Only now the consequences of his action are becoming real.

But on the other hand, he’s not sure if having Alec there would be a good idea. If him meeting Asmodeus is a good idea. What if this won’t move anything further? What if Asmodeus only proves still be a jerk? It’s just not rational to bring Alexander into this now. Magnus knows that he’s not comfortable around new people, and it’s pointless to introduce him to Asmodeus if there’s not going to be any further relation between him and Magnus.

“I think…” Magnus starts and tries to say it as gently as he can. “No, Alexander, I don’t want you to come.”

He hates the shadow of hurt that flashes through Alec’s face, but his boyfriend tries to hide it with a fake smile. He’s about to say something, but Magnus interrupts.

“No, wait. Let me explain.” He says quickly and Alec nods, giving him a sign to keep going. Magnus shifts closer to him on the couch and takes his hand in his, both to ground himself and Alec. “Our talk tomorrow… it’ll make me decide if I want to give him a second chance. I don’t want to bring you into this until I’m sure Asmodeus is someone who is worth being in your life. In our live.” He clarifies and Alec’s expression shifts, understanding written all over his face as he smiles lightly and nods. “I just… it’s pointless if he-“

“Magnus, I understand.” Alec interrupts softly. “It’s okay, really. Just…” He bites his lip in a nervous habit before carrying on. “Just let me know if everything is okay during this meeting, okay?”

Magnus takes his face in between his palms and smiles.

“Of course. You’ll be the first one to know.”

“Alright…” Alec lets out a relived breath and then asks. “Are you nervous?”

“A bit.” Magnus answers without a lie. “I’m not sure what to expect.”

“I’m sure it will be fine.” Alec tries to reassure, offering him yet another smile.

“Yeah, I hope so.” Magnus resorts with a hollow chuckle. “I just try not to think about it too much. I’ll see tomorrow, there’s no point in overthinking.

Alec agrees with him with a nod and then brings his arms around him to hug him. Magnus won’t deny that he doesn’t find any comfort in his embrace. It’s a place that he feels the most safe at. Safe to be vulnerable, to show his weakness, and just express his emotions at all. He can’t believe that he would ever fear of Alec judging him. It’s become such an irrational concept now.

So he draws the most comfort he can, drinks up this feeling, the confidence that so often radiates from his boyfriend, the bravery that he’s so full of. Alec gives it to him willingly, without any hesitation and only that thought of that makes Magnus sure that he can survive everything, as long as his Alexander is near.

During the day Magnus tries not to think about the talk with his father approaching. Alec woke him up with a sweet kiss and made them breakfast. It’s like there’s some unspoken connection between them and he knows that Magnus is trying to hide how unsettled he actually is. He was coaxing him with these sweet, reassuring touches even more than usual. Maryse probably noticed it too during breakfast, but she decided not to comment on it.

Magnus wasn’t really thinking how difficult it would be to hide some things from her when she lives here. She respects their privacy, of course, but the thing is, Magnus knows that she’s a smart, perceptive woman. And besides that, Alec is her son, so of course she wants the best for him, which equals with him and Alec having no troubles. If she only knew…

They decided not to tell her anything yet. Alec’s case was done before it even began and with Magnus and his father… There’s no start yet. Basically no one knows about it. He knows he should tell Ragnor, since he’s the only one of his friends that’s aware of his and his father’s conflict from before, but firstly, he wants to be sure what he stands on. He hopes it will resolve tonight.

At work he stays focused and somehow, the day passes by. Maybe even faster than he’d like it to. Sending a quick text to Alec that he’s on his way, he states the course for the restaurant where he’s supposed to meet with his father. The road isn’t long and before he knows it, he’s already arrived at the place. With a few more calming exhales, he finally exits the car and enters the building.

Almost immediately, he spots his father. Asmodeus is sitting at one of the tables by the window, and yet again, Magnus is taken aback for a second. He’s basically hasn’t changed since the day they met years ago. It was something that stroke Magnus that day, when he suddenly arrived at Alicante’s building. That’s why it didn’t take him long to recognize him. His hair may be a little longer, but it’s still the same shade of black. In his features, Magnus can see some resemblance to himself, and he’s not sure if it scares him, or not.

Eventually, he moves forward to join his father. As soon as Asmodeus spots him, his face lits up in a smile and he stands up to welcome him with open arms. Magnus hesitantly comes into his embrace and firstly, none of them says anything. After a few short seconds they pull back and take places at the opposite sides of the table.

“I’m so glad you decided to meet.” Asmodeus speaks then, the smile still present in his features. Magnus only nods, not knowing what to reply with. It just feels weird. His father should be someone he feels comfortable around, that’s what he always thought when he didn’t know him. Now it’s just awkward, because of the situation that took place when they first met. Magnus can’t just forget his words, how he called him a mistake, how he denied that he could be his son… It won’t just go away.

“Son,” His father’s voice shakes him out of his thoughts. Magnus looks up at him to see him already staring at him. Somehow, he can see that he’s nervous too, which kind of makes him feel better. Maybe it means that it really matters to him. “Just tell me what to do. I really want to fix this. Fix us.”

Magnus slowly registers his words and lets out a shuttering breath. He sounds sincere, he really seems to be honest. But Magnus has questions.

“Why now?” He starts and can’t help the note of anger in his tone. “Why not all those years ago? Why not when I came to you? Why did it take you so long?”

Asmodeus drops his gaze, appearing genuinely ashamed and guilty of his previous doings. He listens to all of Magnus’ questions, accusations, patiently nodding as if admitting to his mistakes. When Magnus is done speaking, there are a few moments of silence, as if he’s trying to from some kind of response.

“Look,” He finally begins, but not actually raising his eyes to met Magnus’. “I wish I had a convincing excuse for you. But the truth is… that I was scared too. When you told me about your mother… I really loved her-“

“Then why did you leave her?” Magnus cuts in and can’t help the tears building up in his eyes. It’s always the same when someone even mentions his mother. “Why did you leave us?”

“It was for the better, believe me.” Asmodeus says. “I was not a good man. You were really better off without me-“

“But she needed you.” Magnus interrupts again, and then adds in a lower whisper. “I needed you. Especially after she-“

“I know. I’m aware of that.” His father stops him. “I just… I wasn’t ready for such a responsibility. And then you came and told me about her death and… I just couldn’t believe it. It was a shock. I’m sorry for how I reacted. I guess I just wanted to cut of from everything that would ever remind me of her, since she is gone forever…”

Silence falls around them again, while Magnus desperately tries to hold back his tears. He drops his gaze and tries to wrap his head around his fathers words. He gets that it might have been a shock, but still they could have just had an honest and calm conversation back then. Both of them got too carried away by their emotions…

“Then why it took you so long to try and makes things right?” Magnus prompts then, because he still doesn’t get it.

Asmodeus sighs heavily, but then begins to speak.

“Soon after our meeting I realised I acted terribly. I thought you wouldn’t want to have anything to do with him. I wasn’t worth of being in your life-“

“Then why do you think you are now?” Magnus questions sternly.

“Because people change. I just want a second chance, so I can prove myself to you. I know it will take time. Let us just start.”

Magnus takes his time to think. His father is looking at him with pleading eyes, almost begging and he might have seen him only once before, but he can see that this man is desperate. Something in Magnus breaks, because if he refuses now, he may never get a chance to see for himself what his father really is like. _People change and deserve second chances_, he recalls Alec’s words and realises that he’s right.

“How would it look like?” Magnus asks after a while, noticing the surprise overcoming his father’s features. There’s also confusion, so he explain. “Us… making up, fixing this, whatever you want to call it.”

“However you’d like.” Asmodeus answers immediately. “We’re doing this on your terms.” He reminds him.

“Okay,” Magnus agrees. He tries not to let any emotions show, but somewhere deep down, he kind of starts to feel that it’s a right move. “but what are you proposing for us to do?”

“I was thinking just some dinners, or lunches. On neutral ground first and later maybe…” Asmodeus trails off, but Magnus nods in agreement. It’s way too soon for house visits, who knows if they will come at all.

“I think it’s a good idea.” Magnus resorts and can’t help to mirror the small smile on his father’s face.

“Great.” The other man states. “So… tell me something about you?” He prompts then and Magnus throws him a confused gaze. “I want to know more about you. I have a lot of making up to do.” Asmodeus clarifies with a shrug.

“Yeah, I guess it seems fair.” Magnus admits. He clears his throat and decides to speak. “So I work as a chemist, as you already know… Actually, how did you know that?” He asks, because the thought just occurs to him.

“I heard about this big collaboration of your company.” His father explains. “Let’s just say we work in the same industry. I saw your name somewhere, found your number and it just happened.” He smiles.

Magnus nods slowly. Well, their collaboration with Yin Fen was a great success indeed, despite of this whole Camille situation, everything came up pretty nice and really brought Alicante on top.

“So you’re a chemist too?” Magnus inquires then.

“Yes.” Asmodeus agrees. “I’m glad to see you took after me.”

Magnus smiles at that. There was a time he was wondering where did the passion for chemistry come from. His mom was never interested in it. She was more of an artistic soul, when Magnus has a good head for science stuff. They were so different in so many ways, but still got along so well. Now Magnus finally knows why chemistry is his kink.

They continue to talk about the basic stuff. His mother’s topic doesn’t really come up anymore, for which he’s grateful. He sees that Asmodeus tries to avoid it, probably noticing his reaction before. They’re in the middle of a conversation about Magnus’ loft in Brooklyn. He found out that his father came from New Jersey to New York for a longer while and rents a place at Upper East Side. That’s when Magnus feels his phone vibrate in his pocket and he glances at it to see a message from Alec.

_From: Alexander_

_How is the meeting going? Everything okay? _

Magnus smiles at his boyfriend’s caring attitude. He quickly texts back that everything is fine and that he should be home soon, a while later getting a reply from Alec to take his time.

After reading the last message he turns his attention back to his father, who already watches him with a fond look.

“Someone special texting you?” He asks and Magnus feels his cheeks redden up a bit. It’s not that he wasn’t thinking about telling Asmodeus about Alec. His boyfriend is the most important person in his life. He actually should be starting with talking about him, like he usually does. But he feels somehow reserved with Asmodeus. But since this topic already came up, there’s no harm to admitting to having his better half in his life.

But then he realises another thing. He has a boyfriend. He is a bisexual man, and he’s not sure how his father may react to that. But before his brain catches up to his mouth, he actually already speaks these words, answering the previous question.

“Yeah, my boyfriend.” When he realises what he said, his eyes widen and his father inspects him with a precise look.

“Boyfriend?” He repeats, as if trying to get his head around that sound. All Magnus manages first is a nod, but then he continues. He’s done it a lot of times, coming outs in front of his friends, his chosen family, but it was always somehow different. He’s not ashamed, far from it. He has nothing to be ashamed of, and he knows it. That’s who he is and he’s his own amazing person just the way he is.

“I’m bisexual.” He states and Asmodeus gives him a slow nod. “I hope you have nothing against it…” _Because if you do, then I’ll have to rethink our deal_, Magnus thinks, but lets his words trail of.

“Who? Me?” Asmodeus speaks astonished. “Of course not! That’s your life son, I’m in no position to tell you who to love. I have absolutely nothing against it.”

Magnus lets out a relieved breath. He really wouldn’t want to let this relation go, since he’s made up his mind on trying this out.

“So, the boyfriend?” His dad prompts with another smile, and a bit of teasing in his tone. “Is it going on for long?”

“A year.” Magnus answers and can feel the corners of his lips quirk.

“That’s pretty long.” Asmodeus acknowledges with a nod. “What does he do?”

“He’s still in college.” Magnus answers shortly, trying to cut of the subject. He’s still kind of uncomfortable with sharing things about Alec. Deep down he knows that he’s his soft spot and the most effective to get through to him is Alec, and he really doesn’t want it to be held against him. “Look, could we just maybe focus on us? If you don’t mind-“ Magnus gestures between the two of them and his dad agrees instantly.

“Of course. Maybe just give me a name?”

“Alexander.” Magnus answers and smiles, just as Asmodeus does.

“That’s nice.” He approves and as promised, cuts the subject short. “So, about this place you own in Brooklyn…” He comes back to their pervious topic.

Magnus is not sure how long they actually spend talking, but he feels some bond forming. Very thin and very fragile, but it’s something. He’s happy with the way that he’s in charge here, that they can do and talk about what he wants.

He’s going to take his time with this, but for now, there really may be some future for his and his father’s relation.

Magnus enters the loft with a heavy sigh and only then realises how tired he is. This day has been emotionally demanding for him, there’s no point in hiding it. He heavily gets out of his coat, but can’t help to smile at the faint sound of laughter coming from the living room. As he emerges further into the living room, he spots Alec and Maryse curled up on the couch, laughing at the TV. Alec notices him almost immediately and quickly switches his attention back to him.

“Hi.” He greets softly, the smile still present on his face. Magnus easily mirrors it. And it’s moments like theses that make him realise how lucky he is sometimes. To find his boyfriend waiting for him at home, so beautiful and just so full of love. Magnus steps closer and drops a kiss on top of his head, breathing in his familiar scent, already feeling way better just because of Alec’s presence, just because he’s _here_. He greets Maryse with a small nod and the woman easily returns his smile. “How was it?” Alec asks then, not specifying, probably because of Maryse, but Magnus knows what he means.

“Good.” The words sound more like an exhale.

“Good?” Alec prompts, as if making sure as Magnus sinks down on the couch next to him. He nods again and leans a bit more into his boyfriend’s body, Alec’s arm immediately coming around him.

“Was it some important meeting?” Maryse asks then curiously. Magnus has a silent conversation with Alec with their eyes, as if trying to ask, how much did you tell her? But before they get to any sort of understanding, Maryse carries on. “Alec told me you were meeting some old acquaintance.”

“Yes.” Magnus answers shortly and clears his throat. “We had some things to discuss, but it all went well.” He adds and Maryse acknowledges with a nod, fortunately not asking about anything more, but even if she wanted to, Magnus is already trying to change the subject. “So, what were you two up to?”

“Just some movies and talking.” Alec shrugs as he replies, running his hand up and down Magnus’ arm soothingly.

“Some mother-son bonding time.” Maryse chimes in with a smile and drops Alec a wink and they both giggle. Magnus squints, eyeing them both precisely.

“Is there something I should know?” He questions intrigued.

“No.” Alec says simply, but he’s always been a shitty liar, especially to Magnus, and he can hear the way too innocent tone of his voice.

“Okay you two, what are you hiding.” He points and accusatory finger first at Alec and then at his mom, but his tone is laced with amusement.

“Nothing!” Maryse says innocently with a laugh, raising her hands in gesture of surrender. “Let’s just say,” She carries on after she breaks under Magnus’ perceptive gaze. “that you’ll find out in time. We’re allowed to have our secrets, right?” She addresses her son, and Alec gives her an agreeing nod.

Magnus inspects them for another few seconds, but decides to drop it. He has his own secrets, so he kind of can relate.

“Alright, I’m gonna go to bed.” Maryse announces as she gets up from the couch. “It’s getting late. Good night, boys.”

“Mom,” Alec catches her hand and she looks down on his. “Thank you.” He says and the honesty in his voice nearly surprises Magnus. He knows Alexander is an honest man, but he can’t help but feel that there’s some other edge these words.

Maryse considers him for a moment, before running a hand through his hair and leaning down to kiss his forehead gently.

“Always, son.” She says with on last smile and disappears into her room. Alec lets his sight trail of after her for a while, before turning back to Magnus.

“Do I need to know something?” Magnus feels the needs to ask, but Alec only shakes his head and cups his face, pressing their lips together softly.

“No,” He says when the part from the kiss. “At least not yet.” The last part comes out more teasingly, followed by yet another quick peck. “Come on, let’s go to bed.” He resorts and pulls Magnus back to his feet, lacing their fingers together and leading him to the bedroom.

“So?” Alec prompts as soon as he closes the bedroom door behind them. “Details now?” He sits down crossed leg on the bed, and Magnus joins him, settling himself in front of him and soothing his hands down his boyfriend’s thighs, trying to come up with some words to sum up his talk with his father. Alec waits patiently, but Magnus can feel his eyes on him.

“It went really well.” He admits one more time and it feels really good to say it.

“That’s great.” Alec says and rests his palms on top of Magnus’. “So, he’s getting a second chance?”

“Yes.” Magnus replies on another exhale. “I mean, we talked. He seemed very genuine and guilty. I think he’s actually sorry for how he acted.”

Alec considers him for a moment, nodding lightly.

“Well, I trust your judgement.” He resorts then. “If you think he’s worth it, then he is.”

“So, I’m doing the right thing?”

“You know I can’t tell you that, baby.” Alec shakes his head a bit. “It’s about how you feel about this.”

“I know.” Magnus whispers quietly. He’d like to think that he’s always been a great judge of character, but it’s not entirely the truth. He chose Camille, over and over again and just didn’t want to see how terrible she really is. He doesn’t want the same thing to happen with his father. He needs to be careful. Now he’s aware of it.

“Did you…” Alec starts after a while and Magnus quickly shakes off his thoughts, focusing his gaze on his boyfriend again. “Did you talk about your mother?” He asks carefully.

“Yeah…” Magnus trial off lightly.

“But he wasn’t pushing, right? Didn’t force you to talk-“

“No, Alexander. It was okay.” Magnus stops his alarmed rumbling. Besides Ragnor, Alec is the only person who knows just how much Magnus’ mother means to him, that it’s a very sensitive subject and has to be approached carefully. So Magnus gets why Alec seems alarmed about this. “He was actually very considerate about it. We didn’t speak much of her, just… just as much as was needed.”

“Okay.” Alec states, now visibly more calm. They sit in silence for a while then. Magnus’ fingers still skimming lightly on Alec’s thighs. It’s a moment when Magnus knows that both of them try to sort out their thoughts. Magnus going through the conversation with his father again, and Alec attempting to take all the information in. Then, he starts again. “So… do you think he’s worth being in our life now?” He questions and Magnus can see the way he’s fighting off the smile, he himself feels the corners of his lips quirk. He sighs heavily before answering.

“To be honest, I’m not sure yet.” Alec frowns at him a little and he continues. “I just… Now I want to focus on fixing things between us. And then, if everything turns out to be okay, we can do the whole ‘meet the parents’ thing. Just let me handle this first.”

“Of course, I understand.” Alec says sincerely and Magnus nods at him with a smile.

“I mean, I told him about you.” He admits then, because Alec should know that at some point, he is a part of this now.

“You did?” Alec prompts, a bit surprised.

“Yeah, it just came up at some point. You’re the most important person in my life, so…”

Alec grins even wider at his words and leans in to kiss him softly.

“You’re the most important person in my life too.” He speaks against his lips, cupping his face delicately. “I love you. I’m glad it went well.”

“Me too.” Magnus confesses. Alec knows better than anyone how nervous he was and right now, they both feel the stress rolling off of him. “And of course, I love you too. More than anyone in the world. Thank you for the support.”

“Always.” Alec replies softly. “That’s what we do, right? Support each other.”

Magnus nods and buries his head in Alec’s neck, feeling his arms wrapping around him. Yeah, that’s definitely what they do, and what they will always do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading, let me know your thoughts in the comments :) Is Magnus doing the right thing to give his father the second chance? Is Asmodeus really being genuine?  
Merry Chirstmas to you all and I'll see you next week!


	9. The Secrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec meets up with his siblings. His and Magnus' anniversary begins...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!  
I hope your Christmas was great and that you're looking forward to what the new year will bring :) Saying that, thank you so much for sticking around with me through this year and reading my stories, I really appreciate that.  
In today's chapter we've got some siblings time again and a bit of ravishing for malec's upcoming aniversary... So, WARNINGS: sexual content, not too graphic too. 
> 
> Enjoy the read!

Sometimes, it’s still weird for Alec not to live with his siblings anymore. It doesn’t happen o lot of times, but he has moments, when it just strikes him that they’re not around as much as they used too. He might not admit it out loud, but yes, he does miss them. And he knows they do too. Which is why Isabelle always insists on their weekly catching ups. She doesn’t have to insist really, both he and Jace are more than happy to meet and talk.

So that’s why Alec finds himself at their favourite café near the campus, listening to Isabelle’s rumbling about how much of a messy flatmate Simon can be. She’s still sort of getting used to living with him and even though he claimed that it’s a bliss only a few weeks ago, she starts to also notice the downsides of this.

“Seriously, this is basically the only thing we fight about,” Isabelle exclaims, almost knocking her coffee off the table because of how hard she’s gesticulating. From her movements, Alec can see that she’s truly annoyed. “Because how hard can it be to put your cup in a dishwasher!”

“For a guy? Extremely hard.” Jace says and takes a sip of his coffee as Isabelle basically growls at him.

“I bet your dorm room is just a paradise of dirty clothes and empty take-out boxes.” Izzy points out mockingly, but Jace only shrugs.

“So what? Me and my roommate are both guys, we don’t care.”

“Alec and Magnus are both guys and miraculously, they can keep their apartment clean.” Izzy states and both her and Jace’s eyes turn to Alec, from where he’s been silently observing the conversation and trying not to laugh.

“We both don’t like the mess.” He shrugs as he answers. “You know I have to keep everything organized."

“Yeah, a quality our dear brother and my boyfriend should definitely learn.” His sister adds in a lower tone, but Jace only rolls his eyes.

Alec watches them with fond eyes, but can’t help the thoughts at the back of his head. He’s been wondering if he should tell them about Raj, that he’s back, but he’s pretty sure he knows the reactions. Jace will totally lose it, and Izzy will be worried out of her mind.

But still, they deserve the truth. It’s better if they find out from him, then by some accident. He doesn’t need to say anything about his and Lydia's plan. It’s done now anyway. He just needs to play this right to ease them up before he drops the bomb. Especially seeing how fidgety his sister is today.

“Okay, so I have some news.” He starts and his siblings focus on him. He can see the excitement dancing in Izzy’s eyes, even if there’s still a hint of worry in them. Jace tries for his expression to remain neutral. “So… good or bad first?”

Jace and Isabelle look at themselves, having a silent conversation with their eyes, before turning back to him.

“The good one.” Isabelle decides. “To ease up the bad.”

“Okay,” Alec exhales and then picks up, feeling a smile forming on his lips. “So as you probably know, mine and Magnus’ anniversary is coming soon, and I need your help to plan it, because I want it to be perfect.”

“Oh my God, yes big brother!” Izzy almost jumps at her sit. “Of course we will help.”

“Your good news is the fact that you’ll probably drag us around thousands of stores to find the perfect gift for him. Yeah, whatever.” Jace tries casually, but Alec sees the happiness behind his smile.

“Do you have something particular in mind?” Isabelle asks, paying no mind to Jace.

“I mean, a few things.” Alec admits. “I want it to be simple, but special. I think I found a great place for dinner, thanks to Lydia, and then there’s also the gift… I talked about it to mom for her opinion and she thinks it would be great, but of course I want to know what you think too.”

“What is it going to be?” His sister asks curiously.

“Well, when me and Magnus talked recently about more places we’d like to visit in the world. He suggested Japan. He’s already been there, but he said he’d love to come back with me.” Alec recalls. “Turns out, he’s kind of crazy about it, so I was thinking I could get some present related to it. Just something simple, but meaningful.”

“I think it’s an amazing idea.” Izzy gently cuts in. “Something original and from the heart.

Alec smiles at her words. He knows Izzy is the relationship expert of the three of them, so her opinion actually means the most.

“I think it’s great too.” Jace adds honestly, but there’s some edge of worry in his tone. “It’s all great, but could you skip to the bad news? Sorry, I can’t help, but worry.”

“You don’t have to.” Alec swiftly says, to try to reassure him. Izzy visibly tenses too, as if just reminded that it’s not only happy things today. “It’s nothing that bad, I swear. I just though you should know-“

“Just say it.” Isabelle demands lightly.

Alec looks at them for another short moment, biting his lip nervously and considering if he really should do it. He can just quickly make something up, but…

“Raj is back.” He says without further ado. It’s pointless to try to stall, he knows it.

Izzy’s expression turns shocked, but also slightly terrified as she covers her mouth with her palm. But what is even worse, is the lack of reaction from his brother. Jace just stares at him as if wondering if he heard correctly.

“What?” He asks then.

“He’s back at Columbia.” Alec explains further. “But don’t worry, it’s fine. I’m fine.”

“How do you know?” Jace just inquires. Alec hesitates before answering, recalling his first encounter with his ex-boyfriend after all this time.

“I bumped into him on the campus.” He finally replies and that’s when something snaps in Jace’s eyes, the previous calmness replaced with raging fury, and Alec quickly carries on. “But nothing happened, I didn’t even talk to him-“

“I’m gonna kill this son of a bitch as soon as I see him.” Jace mutters and Alec exhales heavily.

“Jace, stop. You can’t. It’s fine-“

“I don’t want you to be around him!” His brother almost yells. “Not after everything he’s done to you.”

“Believe me, I don’t find this pleasant too, but there’s nothing I can actually do about it-“

“You can transfer.” Jace offers, shrugging casually. “You’re a great student, every university will be lucky to have you-“

“I’m not running away.” Alec states firmly. “I started there and I’m graduating there, it’s my last year.”

“But is it really worth risking your health?” Isabelle asks then gently. “Maybe Jace is right…”

“I’m not risking anything. I’m fine.” He repeats again, what feels like a thousandth time. “I’m not afraid of him anymore.”

Both Jace and Izzy don’t really look convinced, concern still evident in their eyes. Alec exhales heavily.

“Look, I know you think that maybe I’m not strong enough-“ He starts, but only to get cut off by his sister.

“We never said that. You’re the strongest person I know.”

He smiles at her sadly, but still continues.

“So just trust me on this.” He almost pleads. “I’m gonna be fine. I’m not alone. I have Lydia on the campus, you, mom and Magnus as support at home. I can do this. I can’t just turn and run away, that would mean losing. I can’t let him win again, not after everything.”

Isabelle’s expression softens a bit and she reaches for his hand across the table.

“I trust you.” She states then. “I believe you can do this, and I will support you. Just know, that we’re always here for you, okay? So just in case something happened-“

“Nothing will happen-“

“Just in case,” Izzy continues regardless his interruption. “You can always come to us, okay?”

Alec nods and squeezes her hand. He already knew all this, but it’s nice to hear it again, especially now.

“Jace?” He prompts and looks at his brother, he’s eyes are focused on the table instead of any of them.

“Of course I trust you.” He speaks after a while, finally facing his brother. “Of course I believe in you. I’m just worried. But if you say you can do this, then I know you can. But if that bastard gets near you again I won’t hesitate to-“

“I know, Jace. I know.” Alec cuts in. “It’s gonna be fine, there’s no need for violence.”

Jace nods reluctantly, but Alec knows it’s the best he’ll get. He released a heavy exhale, feeling the weight falling off of his shoulders. It’s not like he’s been lying to Izzy and Jace, he just didn’t say anything earlier, and he probably just now realised how it was imposing on him. He knows he can always be honest with his siblings, and that’s exactly how he’s always been with them. It felt good to tell them.

“Okay,” Isabelle starts after a while and the tensed and concerning atmosphere from before seems to be vanishing quickly. His sister smiles at him and squeezes his hand again. “Tell us more about the anniversary plans and how we can help.”

Alec mirrors her smile easily, and soon Jace also breaks into a grin, waiting with equal excitement as Izzy for Alec to tell them more.

The next day, he meets his sister to buy the present. He didn’t actually lie to Magnus when he said that after classes he’s going to meet Isabelle. He just didn’t tell him the reason. Jace has a shift at the gym tonight, so he can’t be with them, but Alec resorts he wouldn’t be much of a help either way. He just said to pick something shiny.

So Alec really needs his sister.

He basically has the whole idea of what he wants to get his boyfriend. He did a lot of research regarding the Japanese culture and what to give to a loved one. There’s this special thing called an omamori charm, that’s supposed to be bringing luck and protection and Alec thinks that’s the exact thing he’s looking for. The problem is, to find it somewhere in New York.

At least Isabelle won’t complain. She does love shopping.

“So,” His sister starts as they leave the second shop. Yet again, unsuccessful. They’re in this little Japanese district, walking from store to store.“a year, huh?”

“Yeah…” Alec can feel the corners of his lips quirk. There was a time, especially after Raj, when Alec was basically sure he would never get in a relationship again. He was afraid. Of a lot of things actually. That he would find another asshole that would hurt him, that nobody would understand what he’s been through and judge him just as he would flinch at an unwelcomed touch, that they would be inconsiderate about his feelings… It was difficult for him to get over these fears, but something about Magnus was just screaming at him that it’s going to be worth it. That he will understand and respect him. And Alec’s so happy that he listened back then. Here they are now, a year later.

“Crazy, right?” Izzy prompts with a smile on her own. There’s something very soft and moving about her expression when she looks at him. “I’m so happy you found him, you know?”

He nods. He does know. Isabelle tells him that a lot, but it always warms his heart. He really couldn’t be happier how well Magnus fits into their family, how everyone loves him like he was always a part of it.

“Can I tell you something?” Izzy asks then, worrying her bottom lip between her teeth as if being nervous.

“Always.” Alec replies instantly.

“But don’t laugh, okay?” She herself lets a brief chuckle at her own words. Alec just nods in answer. “When we were younger, you know like in our teens when the whole ‘dating thing’ was just starting for us.” She makes air quotes with her fingers. “I used to be so worried, maybe scared even, that you’d find someone you’d want to be with and just… I don’t know, forget about me, somehow? That you’d have better things to do than spending time with your little sister-“

“Iz, I hope you know that I would never do that-“ Alec cuts in gently, but still seriously. She only places her palm on his shoulder and laughs.

“Of course I do! It was totally irrational for me. I guess there was a time where I wanted you all to myself. And then Jace started seeing all these girls, and I was scared you would do too… Turns out I shouldn’t even worry about girls…” She smirks at him.

“Very funny.” Alec tries sarcastically, but ends up laughing along with her. “I’ll always want to spend time with my little sister.” He says a bit more seriously and wraps an arm around her shoulders to bring her closer. He kisses the top of her head. “I love you, sis.”

“I love you too, big bro.” Izzy smiles up at him. “And now it’s even more funny to me, because you have Magnus and I have Simon, but I don’t feel like a lot’s changed. I mean, obviously a lot’s changed, but like… I know I can always call you and you’ll come. I can always count on you.”

“Of course you can.” Alec agrees. “Just as I can on you.” She confirms with a nod. He can’t even recall all those times Isabelle helped him. Especially when he was so down. She and Jace got him help and he’ll always be thankful. But even if it was only a simple talk, or just a hug, Izzy was always there to make him feel better.

They continue to walk in comfortable silence from then. Stealing glances at each other at times, until Alec’s eyes land on a windowsill of the store on his right and he stops in his tracks. Isabelle almost trips at his side from the sudden movement. But when he sees it, he knows that it’s what he’s been looking for.

“Izzy, look.” He point out the item and soon his sister’s sight follows to rest on it, a big smile spreading on her face. He described his idea to her earlier, so she could know what exactly they are looking for, and now, Alec is sure Izzy’s thinking the same thing as he.

It’s perfect.

Isabelle turns to him and catches his arm.

“Lead the way, brother.”

With the help of his siblings and Lydia, Alec manages to settle most of the anniversary arrangements in the next few days, with still a few in store. But he is this kind of person, who always has to plan ahead. If he doesn’t have a full plan, it just gives him terrible anxiety. It’s better not to push his luck.

The gift that he bought is safely hidden in Maryse’s room at the loft, just in case Magnus decided to sneak around. Alec is glad that it’s all established. It’s not like his life isn’t busy, but he has his priorities straight. And Magnus is on top of that list.

Magnus saw his father yesterday again and confirmed one more time that everything is going fine. Alec is happy for him, really, but he’d also want to meet Asmodeus to judge for himself is he’s being sincere about his intentions. He does trust Magnus on this, but it’s just… He knows how much of trust issues Magnus had, even when they started dating. It’s so much better now, and Alec knows he doesn’t trust easily, but the thing is, that if he begins to trust then it’s a strong emotion. Alec doesn’t want him to put his trust in a wrong person to get hurt again.

He also knows that there isn’t much he can do to stop Magnus from seeing Asmodeus. Not that he’d want that, but it’s Magnus’ decision and he has no right to try and change it.

But no matter how many worries he might have, they all seem to disappear with Magnus’ lips on his. That’s exactly what he needs now, some distraction, for his brain to just stop overthinking. Nothing wrong is happening.

Magnus and him and currently sprawled on the couch and Alec can swear that just a moment ago, he was studying. Or at least trying to study. And then Magnus kisses him, and suddenly, Magnus is on top of him, stealing his breath yet another time.

They’ve been kissing for what feels both like eternity, but also not long enough. It’s never enough for Alec. He tightens his arms around Magnus’ body, bringing him even closer from where he’s laying between his legs, making him gasp in response. Magnus’ hands are braced on the arm of the couch and he laces his fingers in Alec’s hair, tugging lightly and Alec help the breathy gasp that escapes him. His lips slip from Magnus’ and he uses the break to inhale, only now realising how breathless he was. Magnus wastes no time and attaches his lips to his neck, kissing and sucking lightly. Which makes Alec continue to let out the low sounds of pleasure.

“We should stop.” Alec mutters, but turns his head to gain Magnus more access to his neck anyway. He doesn’t really want to stop. Not at all.

“Why?” Magnus asks, kissing the sensitive skin right below his ear.

“Mom can be back anytime.” The thought of Maryse kind of makes him sober up, but it’s not enough for Magnus to stop his ministrations. He really loves having mom around, but wouldn’t appreciate her finding him and his boyfriend in such intimate situation.

“Well, she’s not here now.” Magnus just says, a teasing note in his tone and Alec lets out a soft chuckle.

“But she can be-“ He tries to reason with him, but Magnus only hums against his neck and speaks again, raising his head just as much to look at Alec.

“It kind of feels like we’re teenagers again, right?” He prompts laughingly. “Hiding from your mom… Doesn’t this turn you on?”

“No.” Alec replies, mirroring his tone.

“It does turn me on.” Magnus kisses him again, this time one the mouth and then whispers when they part. “You’re too hard to resist, love.”

“Yeah, blame it all on me…” Alec trails off playfully. “You can’t be serious for even one minute.”

“Oh, I can be very serious.” Magnus pulls back to look at him again. “And I am very much serious right now, when I say that you should take off your shirt.”

Alec just shakes his head amusingly.

“You’re crazy.”

“About you, yes.”

He can’t help but laugh softly, but then Magnus connects their lips, swallowing the sound. Alec has no strength to object, because it just feels too good, all thoughts vanishing from his head again. Until he hears his phone buzz from the coffee table. He blindly reaches for it, still not denying himself from kissing Magnus, but then he actually has to check out the message.

“Babe, give me a sec.” Alec says, breaking their kiss to which his boyfriend pouts, but gives him a bit more space, still staying close enough.

Alec reads the message and frowns.

“Weird.”

“What?” Magnus asks and leans back more on the couch, letting Alec sit up. There’s a hint of alarm, but also curiosity in his voice.

“Mom, texted me.” He sweeps his eyes over the message again. “She said she’s staying at her friend’s tonight and not to worry.”

Magnus considers him for a while as he looks up at him, both of them wearing confused expressions, but then he just shrugs.

“That’s cool, right?”

“Yeah, but my mom doesn’t really have friends.” Alec explains. It’s sad, but that’s the truth. Maryse was always putting her career and family first, the rest didn’t matter. She always claimed she was too busy for friends.

Well, not anymore it seems.

Alec still looks down on his phone, frowning and trying to make sense of it, because something does feel off.

“Come on, love.” Magnus speaks, running his hand down his arm soothingly. “Let her have her fun.” He shrugs.

“You don’t think it’s suspicious? That she suddenly has a friend?” Alec prompts. “Maybe I should call her?”

“Darling, she’s a grown woman, she can for sure handle herself.” Magnus states, but Alec still isn’t fully convinced. Something doesn’t add up. Maybe his mom has some other friend? More like romantic friend. The divorce is finalised, and either way, she got over Robert a long time ago. It might be actually good for her, and maybe she’ll find someone who deserves her? Which doesn’t change that Alec will still worry about her.

“Okay, you’re probably right.” He resorts and Magnus lets out a pleased hum.

“Now, let’s see about the upsides of this situation.” Magnus begins then, smiling at him teasingly. “What I see, is that your mom will be gone all night,” He gets closer again, urging Alec to lay back down on the couch. “So, we have the whole place to ourselves, no worries about anyone walking in on us… You see where I’m going with this, right?”

“I’m not sure…” Alec lets the teasing note slide in his tone. “Maybe you should show me.”

“Oh, Alexander.” Magnus’ lips are practically brushing against his as he speaks. “It will be my pleasure.”

It’s when Alec and Magnus are making their morning coffee, that the familiar click of the front door being opened sounds around the loft, announcing that Maryse has returned. They stand by the counter, pressed tightly to each other, trading light kisses and soft touches. It’s something Alec noticed recently, that sex seems to leave them more wanting for each other. He felt it basically after their first time, but back then, he thought that it’s because of that fact that it was their first time. But the feeling doesn’t fade. They want each other all the time, Alec’s sure of it, but after a night of the passionate love making, these feelings seems to be heightened. It’s really hard for them to let go of each other.

Maryse tries to unnoticeably slide to her room, but nothing gets past Alec’s attention, and of course he won’t let her.

“Hi, mom!” He calls out and hears her stop in her tracks. Magnus presses his soft chuckle into his shoulder. “We made coffee. We thought you’d like some.”

A moment later, Maryse finally shows up in the kitchen, a small, maybe even a bit guilty looking smile on her lips. She pulls her hair behind her ear in a nervous habit, before coming closer to them and accepting a cup of coffee from Alec, who offers her a teasing smile.

“Did you have a good night at your friend’s?” He asks and Maryse lowers he gaze as she answers.

“Yes, thank you. Did you?” She fires back the question, now looking at Magnus as if searching for some kind of help.

“Oh, we had a great night.” Magnus says and from his tone you can hear exactly what he’s implying. Alec shoots him a glare, but he only shrugs. “So, any plans for today, Maryse?” Magnus questions, clearly trying to save Maryse from Alec’s further interrogation.

“Actually, yes… I’m moving out.” She announces, now a lot more confidently.

“Wait, what?” Alec asks totally shocked. “You’re serious?”

“Yes, the apartment is ready.” Maryse explains. “I mean, it still needs a bit of work, but I can finish it on my own while living there. Besides, I want to leave your apartment to the two of you, especially with your anniversary tomorrow.”

“Mom, you know we don’t mind-“ Alec tries.

“Oh, I know you don’t. But I just thought you’d like some time alone.” She smiles at the two of them. “And as a thank you gesture, I promise to invite you for dinner at my place as soon as it’s properly finished.”

“That’s lovely, Maryse. Thank you.” Magnus says cheerfully.

“Okay, I’m gonna go take a shower. I’ve got some things to do today.” Maryse states and turns to head out to her room.

“Mom,” Alec starts and she turns to him, sending him a quizzical expression. “what is your friend's name?”

Maryse looks taken aback at this question, as if she thought that this topic was over. Well, no. Alec’s only getting started.

“You know, I think I can hear my phone.” Maryse points in the direction of her room. “I should really get this.” She finishes and almost runs out of the kitchen.

“Mom, none phone is ringing.” Alec notices, because there are literally no sounds to be heard. “Mom!” She doesn’t even hear him, or pretends not to, as she closes the door to her room. Alec turns to Magnus with a horrified and shocked expression.

“Did you see that?” He asks offended, but his boyfriend only tries to supress his laugh behind his palm, not so subtly. “She totally has a secret boyfriend.” Alec resort, shaking his head with disbelief.

“Oh, so what, darling?” Magnus asks as he wraps his arms around him from behind and prompts his chin on his shoulder. “She deserves her chance at happiness too.”

“Of course she does.” Alec instantly agrees. “It’s just… she could have told me. She should know I’d be happy for her. Unless it was some asshole, who’s gonna hurt her-“

“Sweetheart, you’re getting into your protective mode.” Magnus says and his palms creep underneath Alec’s t-shirt to caress his muscles.

“Of course I am. She’s my mom.” He huffs.

“She can handle herself.” Magnus reminds him. “She knows she has you, Isabelle and Jace in case something ever happened. Everything is okay, love.”

“I know. I just… I don’t know. It’s kind of a new situation. I need to get used to this.”

“You will, love.” Magnus presses a kiss to his shoulder.

Yeah, he will. His mom deserves the best. Right now, everything seems better than Robert, but Alec doesn’t want Maryse to settle for better. She deserves someone, who will treat her right, someone who she will be the first choice for. Alec will make sure that her new, mysterious man knows all this as soon as he meets him. But for now, he has the finishing touches on his anniversary dinner to do.

The rest of the day was marked by Maryse moving out. After school and work, Alec and Magnus helped her pack and drove her to the new place. She thanked them again and hugged them tightly, obviously very thankful for everything they’d done for her. But Alec could also see the excitement in his mother’s eyes. She looked really agitated to start decorating the apartment and adding her finishing touches. Alec thinks it will be good for her, to kind of start over after everything. The rest of the family is always there to help her. And maybe even her new mysterious _friend_…

After that, they come back to the loft quite late and almost immediately go to bed to get some rest. Alec can feel the excitement form tomorrow building up. He can’t help but be a bit stressed too. Everything seems to be perfectly planned, and he hopes that everything will go according to his plan. But the most important thing, is for Magnus to like everything he’s prepared. He really hopes he will.

They fall asleep quite fast, wrapped around each other, warm and safe.

When Alec wakes up, he can feel Magnus’ smile at the back of his neck. He smiles himself and turns around to be faced with his boyfriend basically beaming at him. Magnus looks beautiful. The golden light reflecting in his brown eyes, bathing his skin in the pretties shades of gold. It’s yet another moment, when Alec just ponders, how the hell did he deserve this. How someone as good, and beautiful can even exist. Alec would even call him perfect, but he knows that nobody is. Well, he can say that Magnus is perfectly imperfect. They are for sure perfect for each other.

“Morning, love.” Magnus says and gently brushes some hair out of Alec’s face.

“Good morning, babe.” Alec replies and shifts to get even closer to him, till their noses are basically brushing against each other’s. Alec smiles sleepily, still not fully awake, but this feels so nice and when Magnus presses their lips together, he for sure doesn’t mind. They keep trading kisses for God knows how long, but none of them seems eager to stop.

“What time is it?” Alec murmurs in between kisses, but Magnus only shakes his head and smiles.

“I don’t care.”

“Let me check-“ Alec tries to roll over to his side and reach for his phone from the bedside table, but Magnus wraps his arm around his waist and doesn’t let him.

“No, you’re staying right here.” He whispers against his lips.

“I was just gonna-“ Alec says, but Magnus shakes his head yet again.

“We have better things to do.” And with that, he kisses him again.

Well, Alec can’t complain.

Magnus moves his hands to rest on his chest now and in exchange Alec wraps him in his, tugging him even closer. His palm travels south, down on his chest and Alec has to gasp at the sensation when Magnus pulls his boxers down.

“Okay?” He asks as he takes him in hand and Alec can only do as much as nod eagerly. Magnus takes him apart slowly. With every touch, every kiss, Alec feels the pleasure building up, almost sending him of the edge. He moans unashamed in Magnus’ mouth, his breath begins to quicken and he holds onto his boyfriend tighter, crying out in bliss.

“You can be as loud as you want, love.” Magnus smirks and kisses him again, speeding the movements of his hand.

“Fuck…” Alec gasps and it’s followed by a sinful moan. “Don’t stop.”

“I don’t plan on it, darling.” Magnus says and leans in to suck a hickey right about his collarbone. Alec basically shakes with pleasure. “You’re so good for me, angel. Come on, let go.”

Magnus’ voice brings him over the edge and he cries out his release. Breathing heavily, his head falls on Magnus’ shoulder and he feels a kiss being placed on the top of his head.

“Good?” Magnus asks, running his fingers through his hair soothingly. Alec nods.

“Amazing.” He finally manages when he can control his breathing again. “Hhm, give me a second and I will return the favour.”

Magnus chuckles lightly above him.

“You don’t have to-“ He begins, but Alec lifts his head to look at him, raising a questioning eyebrow at him.

“But I want to.” He states simply and bites his lip, he knows it will do it for Magnus. “Unless you don’t want me to…”

“Oh, darling I could never say no to you.” Magnus resorts simply with a bright smile.

“Good.” Alec moves to tower above him, sliding in between his legs. Magnus lets him do as he pleases, when he leans down to kiss him, long and hard, he obliges easily.

Then Alec starts to plant his kisses lower, first focusing on Magnus’ neck, then his chest, his nipples. His boyfriend shutters beneath him, letting out a breathy sigh. He places his hands in Alec’s hair, just resting them there, more combing through his hair than tugging. Alec kisses down his happy trail and peals his underwear off, sending Magnus a questioning expression. Magnus nods and rests his hands on Alec’s cheeks as he speaks.

“I’m yours to do as you please, Alexander.”

Alec smiles and without much of hesitation takes him into his mouth. Magnus moans, and his hands tighten a bit in Alec’s hair, but he doesn’t mind. He keeps swallowing him down, sucking lightly and he can feel Magnus basically vibrate with pleasure as he worships him with his tongue.

“Just like this, darling. Fuck.” Magnus gasps out. Alec can feel that he’s close, so he sucks a bit harder, listening to the praise his boyfriends showers him with, laced with the low curses and sounds of pleasure. “Alexander, angel-“ Magnus tries to warn, but Alec doesn’t stop and a moment later, he feels his spill into his mouth and he swallows down, with Magnus’ moans still raging in his ears. He pulls back and takes a second to catch his breath, before flopping down next to a spent Magnus, who’s still panting.

“God, you’re so good.” He gasps out and moves to kiss him and soon, they’re wrapped in each other again, till Alec pulls back slightly to look into his eyes, tracing his beautiful face from a moment.

“Happy one year, baby.” He says, and Magnus’ smile only widens.

“Happy one year, angel.” He replies and kisses him again.

And well, Alec couldn’t really imagine a better morning.

They make breakfast together, still basking in the afterglow, not being able to get away from each other for more than few steps.

“Can you hear that?” Magnus suddenly asks, when they get seated at the table. Alec frowns, bewildered, because he basically can’t hear anything besides of the low sound of the city waking up to life behind their windows. He shakes his head.

“Hear what?”

“The quiet.” Magnus stretches out in his chair. “Nobody but us bustling around the apartment… Don’t get me wrong, darling, I love you mom, but I’m really glad she got us this day to spend alone. I want to have all to myself tonight, not interruptions.”

“Right back at you, babe.” Alec smiles softly as they dig in their breakfast. He too is happy that they have their place back to themselves. Especially tonight, because Alec is pretty sure that their celebrations won’t finish with dinner, not after the morning preview they’ve just had. “But first, classes and work.” Alec states and points with his fork accusingly at his boyfriend.

“I won’t be able to focus today.” Magnus groans and Alec laughs lightly, even though he’s sure he’ll have the same problem. “I’m excited to see what you’ve planned.”

“I hope you’ll like it.” Alec says a bit self-consciously, but Magnus only throws him an unimpressed look that seems to be saying, _of course I will love it_. “And speaking of which… Be ready. I’ll send you the location later and I expect you to by there by 7pm. Dress fancy.”

“Sounds promising.” Magnus smirks. “But why can’t you tell me the location now?”

“Because I know you, baby and I know you will check it out and then it won’t be a surprise anymore.” Alec explains and Magnus opens his mouth like he wants to say something, but then abruptly closes it.

“You’re right, I would actually do that.” He resorts thoughtfully.

“Exactly.” Alec just agrees and gets up from his chair, moving to the bedroom to get ready for the day, dropping a kiss on top of Magnus’ head as he goes.

It’s time to get on with the plan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading, and thank you again for the support over the year! Let me know your thoughts down below :) As you can probably see, next chapter is going to be full on fluff with malec's anniversary! Can you guess Alec's gift for Magnus? And who can be Maryse's mysterious friend... ;) Hope you enjoyed this chapter and I'll be back next week with another one!


	10. The Anniversary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus is amazed of Alec's anniversary plans. Later he finally tells Ragnor about his father.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!  
How are you all doing in the new year? I hope everything is well :) Malec's anniversary is total fluff, as you probably expected. But we are ending on a bit of a wary note... You'll see. WARNINGS: sexual content. And that's probably all :)
> 
> Enjoy the read!

To say that he’s excited is an understatement.

Magnus is thrilled and he already wants his day at work to end, even though he hasn’t even arrived at Alicante’s building, to finally celebrate their day with Alexander.

What a year it’s been, Magnus can’t help but think during his drive to work. It was full of lovely, surprising and sad moments, but the most important thing is that they’ve stuck together through it all. It had been difficult at some times, Magnus has to admit. Not loving Alec, because loving him is the easiest thing Magnus has ever had the pleasure of doing. It was difficult because of life constantly throwing up roadblocks under them. So much pain, and hurt… Magnus tries not to ponder about it too much, but he knows that these were the events that shaped them the most, that proved how strong they are together.

Also, there’s another reason why he’s so excited for tonight. During his past relationships, he had always been the one to organize anniversaries and stuff. And he loved doing that, he really did. That’s why he’s had a hard time with letting Alec do this for him, it didn’t feel right. But Magnus realises that he might just start to understand that he can let himself be surprised too. He knows Alec will prepare something lovely and he’s really agitated to see what it’s going to be.

Soon, he strides casually down the halls of Alicante, only half aware of his face still supporting the grin from the morning. He’s pretty sure he won’t stop smiling the whole day.

He gets ready for the day in the lab, putting on his apron and he’s just about to get down to work, while Helen approaches him.

“Hello, my dear friend,” She starts in a sweet tone, fluttering her eyelashes. Magnus knows where this is heading, but still he lets her continue for a while. “You know, you’re such a good friend, Magnus. Just the best, so I thought-“

“I’m not staying overtime instead of you because you have a date with Aline.” Magnus interrupts and she pouts. They have tons of work recently and only this week, they all had to stay overtime basically every day. The collaboration was a blessing, just as it was a nightmare because of how high it got them. “Not tonight.”

“Okay,” Helen still tries. “but maybe if none of us stayed tonight, we could just-“

“Helen, we reallly have too much work. We can't put it away. The overtime hours were assigned at the beginning of the week. And I really can't trade with you. I have plans tonight.” He explains.

“Well, we have plans too!” She wails.

“And I’m sure you can spend some lovely, romantic time here, in the lab, doing some work.” He smiles at her mockingly.

“You have a weird idea of romantic, you know that?” Helen asks with her hands on her hips. Magnus just shrugs. “What are your important plans, mister?” She questions then, and Magnus’ smile softens immediately.

“It’s our anniversary tonight with Alec.” He replies and Helen breaks in a big grin.

“Oh my God, you guys! It’s been a year already! Why haven’t you said anything earlier?” She smacks him on the shoulder lightly, but he just chuckles. “Okay, that’s actually fair you don’t want to stay. Sorry, for this-“

“It’s okay, Helen.” Magnus shakes his head dismissively. “Your date is important too.”

“Yeah, but not as much as your anniversary, duh.” She declares firmly. “So that’s why you’ve been smiling the whole time since you came here.”

“Nothing escapes your notice, right dear?” Magnus laughs briefly. “But yes. And believe me, I want today’s work to be over already so I can go and spend some quality time with my amazing boyfriend.” He admits.

“I’m sure your night will be lovely.” Helen states now sincerely and softly. “Certainly better than my date with Aline at the lab tonight…”

“We can’t always have everything we want, my dear.”

“Yeah, yeah, it doesn’t really make me feel better.” She confesses with a sigh.

“Get to work, maybe you’ll be able to finish earlier.” Magnus advises her and she nods, walking away from his work station, but then turning again to say:

“You know, you should talk to Raphael about hiring more chemists. There’s only so much we can handle.”

Magnus considers her words for a while, only to come to the realisation that she’s right. The four of them has been working non-stop recently. He doesn’t even want to imagine what would happen if Helen and Aline wouldn’t stay with them. He and Dot for sure wouldn’t handle this whole thing on their own. But still, it’s hard for them to keep up with everything now.

“You know what, you're right.” He tells Helen. “I promise you, that I will bring it up with him.” The girl sends him a pleased smile and walks away to start on her work.

Magnus begins to count down minutes till he can get out of here.

Somehow, he survives work. Being distracted as hell, but he manages. Not wasting anymore time he gets back home to change and grab his gifts, still waiting for the location from Alec.

He had a hard time figuring out what to get his boyfriend for this occasion. He knew it had to be something meaningful, but he also knows Alec doesn’t like exaggerated and over expensive gifts. Jewellery was the first thing that came to his mind, but he’s only just got Alec a watch for his birthday, he can't let himself repeat it and he knows that Alexander is not fond of any other pieces of jewellery. So he decided on something totally different, but something that only someone who knows Alec deeply could come up with. A book of poetry.

Not many people know about Alec’s fascination with poetry and it took Magnus some time to figure it out too. He just couldn’t help but notice, that in the little free time Alec gets recently, in between studies and the internship, he likes to reach for literature. Magnus expected him to be more fond of light reads, something to ease his mind off, but he couldn’t really be more wrong. Alexander doesn’t shy away from a thought-provoking read, for something he has to process, to figure out. Magnus can basically see his thoughts reflecting in his eyes while he reads and he loves it, love how much of attention Alec pays to words.

He’s pretty sure it’s not a gift Alec expects to get, but he hopes he’ll like it. It wasn’t easy to find something worth of Alec’s attention, especially with Magnus close to zero knowledge about poetry, but thankful, a nice lady at the bookshop was a lot of help.

Changing into something fancy, black dress pants, burgundy shirt and a suit jacket decorated with a silver necklace and of course his famous ear cuff and rings, Magnus takes another look at himself in the mirror, deciding that he appears pretty decent. Just then he can hear the faint sound of his phone buzzing. He unlocks it to see a message from his boyfriend, stating the location. Magnus notices that it’s not too far away. Then Alec sends another text.

_From: Alexander_

_Please don’t check this place out online and ruin the surprise, because I’d hate to kill you on our first anniversary. Love you and see you soon baby._

Magnus chuckles lightly as he taps out the reply. Alec really knows him too well. But he's aware of how important it is to his boyfriend and he wouldn’t dare to wreck his hard work.

_To: Alexander_

_Wouldn’t even think of it. Love you too, darling. I’m getting on my way now. _

Grabbing his keys and the rest of the needed stuff, he gets out of the loft with his stomach basically twisting from excitement.

He gets to the place pretty fast. Leaving the car, he examines the building right in front of him, checking one more time if he’s at the correct place. The address is right, but what surprises Magnus, is that it’s not a restaurant, like he expected too. The building looks more like an art gallery, but it’s totally empty, with only a few lights up inside.

Well, this just keeps getting better and better.

Magnus smiles as he approaches the door, opening it and quickly sliding up inside. It’s still dark, but when he takes a few steps further, the room brightens up, firstly blinding him, but when his eyes adjust, he finally sees his boyfriend in the middle of the room and his heart nearly stops.

Alec is wearing a dashing, but simple black suit. He has a bouquet of roses in his hand, but what draws Magnus’ attention the most, is the bright smile on his face. For a while, he struggles to move, just observing the love of his life and thinking, not for the first time, _how the hell did I get so lucky_?

After what feels like forever, Alec is the first one to move, chuckling under his breath at Magnus’ reaction. He comes closer to his boyfriend and hands him the flowers, which still in daze, Magnus takes.

“Happy anniversary, love.” Alec says softly.

“I love you so much.” Is all Magnus manages in this moment and then he’s being squeezed into a hug. “What is all that, where are we?” He can’t help, but question as he pulls back. Alec still keeps his arms around him.

“Well, this,” Alec gestures at the room they’re in. “is a brand new art gallery in town, which as you probably noticed by the lack of people, is now even officially opened yet.”

“Then how are we here?” Magnus just questions, still astonished.

“Lydia’s mom is an art restorer and she owns the place.” Alec explains and Magnus lets out an acknowledging hum. It all makes more sense now, and Magnus’ heart swells for Alec’s diverse approach to this. Everyone would just find a nice restaurant and take him out for dinner, but not Alec. He might deny that, but he likes to go over the top sometimes, especially when it comes to doing things for his loved ones. Magnus is already sure he’ll never forget today. Ever. “And look,” Alec continues and leads them further into the room, his hand on the small of Magnus’ back now. The place isn’t exactly huge, which is great, because of the cosy vibe it radiates. Magnus lets his eyes trail over the art pieces and he just notices something, when Alec picks back up and confirms what he’s just began to think. “they have an Italian themed exhibition.” Magnus looks back at him with tears in his eyes. He has no other than fond memories from their time in Italy. It will always be one of his favourite trips, because it was the first one with Alexander.

“You continue to surprise me.” Magnus says with a hint of disbelief in his tone, shaking his head lightly. He’s always thought it’s hard to surprise him and maybe it is, but apparently not so for Alec.

“In good ways I hope.” Alec’s eyes sweep over his face till they rest on his lips and without much of a thought, Magnus connects them in a kiss. Soon they need to pull back, both of them smiling to hard. “Okay, do you want to keep standing here or do you want to go and see some art?” Alec prompts then.

“Darling, I’m appreciating the art right now.” Magnus speaks and lets him eyes roam over his boyfriend’s form, not missing the sight of Alec’s cheeks colouring themselves with this lovely shade of red.

No matter what he’s going to see next, nothing will change his mind that Alexander is the most amazing piece of art.

Eventually, they move. Intertwining their hands Alec leads him around the room, admiring the paintings and sculptures. They remind them both so much about their time in Italy and it makes this whole thing even more special. Magnus doesn’t know how exactly did Alec come up with this idea, but he’s not going to question it now. Everything is perfect.

Alec tells him as much as he knows about some pieces of art and Magnus listens intensively. He loves to just get lost in Alec’s voice, especially when he talks about something he’s so passionate about. Alec loves art in every form and appreciates it at any time he gets to witness it.

Their tour ends soon, since there’s not exactly many exhibits, but every single one holds some story. Just when Magnus expects for them to leave, Alec tugs at his hand and leads him to the other end of the room. Magnus glances at him with confusion, but Alec only smiles.

“It’s not over yet, baby.” He states and pulls Magnus into an elevator that he’s just noticed is here.

“You’re amazing, you know that?” Magnus says when they’re riding up. “This whole thing… angel it’s so lovely. To be honest I wasn’t expecting you to pull of something like that.”

“Well, that was the point.” Alec admits with a shrug and looks back at him. “I wanted to surprise you.”

“And that you did, my love.” Magnus confirms and kisses him briefly, just as the elevator stops. They step out and Magnus is hit with a burst of fresh air. That’s when he realises that they’re on top of the building. They’re on the roof.

“I did also promise an anniversary dinner, so here it is.” Alec steps out of his view and then Magnus sees a beautifully set up table. Besides that, the whole place is decorated with fairy lights. Magnus can’t supress the breathy gasp as the tears reappear in his eyes. It looks perfect. He comes up closer to the ledge and stares at the view. New York is beautiful from up high. A maze of buildings laced with lights, like stars in the sky that Magnus sees when he looks up.

Alec comes up to stand next to him, leading against the ledge and observing him.

“Do you like it?” He asks after a while, a hint of nervousness present in his tone.

“Like it?” Magnus turns to him with disbelieving expression. “Darling, I love it. It all looks perfect. I just… I don’t really have words to express it I…” Magnus doesn’t get speechless a lot. No, he basically never gets speechless. The only time he can remember he was, was when Alec told him for the first time that he loves it. Back then, it was a total shock, that’s why he couldn’t find words. Now, it’s just the large amount of gratitude and love he feels for this man next to him.

“I made you lose your words, didn’t I?” Alec questions softly and Magnus manages a nod. “Good, that was a part of the plan.” He smirks.

“Come here.” Magnus grins at him and hauls him closer, kissing him again, because he can’t deny himself from it any longer. He feels Alec smile against his lips, but then he returns the kiss with equal force, grabbing Magnus’ hips to press them even closer together. Magnus basically melts against him, and when the lack of air starts to become a problem, they pull apart, but rest their foreheads together, laughing softly.

“I love you.” Magnus whispers and pecks his lips again.

“I love you too.” Alec replies immediately. “Let’s eat.” He takes his hand again and leads him to the table, pulling his chair for him and then settling in the seat opposite him.

Alec stuck with the Italian theme of their evening, serving them pasta as the main dish and tiramisu for dessert. They keeps some casual conversations while they eat.

“You still seem so fond of Italy, darling.” Magnus states when they’re finishing the food.

“I’ve always been.” Alec answers with a little shrug. “Now even more, since it reminds me of us, of how much fun we had. I guess we need some other vacation to change my obsession now.” He jokes lightly and they both chuckle.

“I never said I mind.” Magnus says then. “But I’ll take you anywhere you want, love.”

Alec smiles and laces their fingers together again, resting them on the table. They stay like this, just staring into each other’s eyes for a few long moments, until Alec clears his throat.

“So, I’ve got something for you.” He starts and reaches inside his suit jacket, tensing a little and Magnus recognises that he must be feeling nervous again. He runs his thumb along Alec’s knuckles to calm him down a bit, there’s no way Magnus won’t like what he got him. No matter what it is, it’s going to be perfect, because it’s from Alec.

His boyfriend hands him a small box, wrapped elegantly with ribbon and clearly waits for Magnus to open it. Wasting no more time, he unites the ribbon and rips the paper, then opening the box to inspect it’s content.

He can’t help the shocked gasp that escapes his lips as his eyes rest on the gif. Magnus has been rumbling to Alec about wanting to go back to Japan with him for a while now, but he didn’t know Alec was paying so much attention. The omamori charm is beautiful, red with Japanese, golden engravings. Magnus delicately takes it out of the box and turns around in his hand, tracing his fingers lightly on it.

“It’s supposed to bring you luck and protection.” Alec says, pointing at the charm. Magnus holds it tightly, now closer to his heart.

“Thank you, Alexander.” He barely gets the words out because of the lump in his throat. “I love it, it’s… how did you come up with it?”

“Well, I wanted to take you to Japan, but that’s kind of inconvenient now.” Alec laughs lightly and Magnus is happy to see that he’s fully relaxed now. “And when you said you’d like to go back there with me… I just thought I could give you a glimpse of that.”

Magnus’ smile widens, the tears reappearing in his eyes again, he can see them mirroring in Alec’s and the next moment he grabs him by the shirt and smashes their lips together, not being able to form any words for how incredible and attentive he’s boyfriend is.

“Alright,” He start after they part and he regains his ability to speak. “I got you something too.” He slides the charm in his pocket and promises himself that he’ll always keep it with him. Not only for luck and protection, but for it to remind him about Alec’s love.

“Really?” Alec teases, his voice sounds a bit wet from the unshed tears, but they both laugh. Then Magnus turns more serious. He hasn’t really realised that he’s nervous about Alec’s reaction too. He pulls out his package and gives it to Alec, who first eyes it curiously and then after receiving a nod from Magnus, begins to unwrap it.

His whole expression changes as he sees the book. Firstly, it remains unreadable for Magnus, then it morphs into pure surprise, maybe even shock. Magnus’ heart starts to beat ten times faster, because fuck, if he messed up an anniversary gift he won’t forgive himself. Alec deserves the best and he hoped this wold hold a lot of meaning to him, what if he was wrong…

“The author is a born and raised New Yorker.” Magnus tries. “I thought you may relate somehow to his poems-“

“I know Frank O’Hara.” Alec looks up at him, fingers delicately tracing the cover of the book. “How did you know?” He asks, and now Magnus can’t really mistake the emotions that shine in his eyes. It’s pure love and amazement. “He’s one of my favourite poets.” Alec states and looks down on his gift once more.

Magnus released, both mentally and physically, a relieved exhale.

“So you like it?” He inquires.

“I love it.” Alec speaks with shiny eyes. “I just wasn’t expecting it, I… How did you even know I like poetry?”

“Darling, we live together.” Magnus reminds him to which he rolls his eyes. “I am perceptive. I saw you reading some from time to time. Thought you might like to broaden your collection a bit.” He shrugs.

Alec smiles at him again, still not fully able to hide the pleasantly surprised expression. He shakes his head a little, as if trying to compose his thoughts and then glances at Magnus again.

“There’s this line in one of his poems,” He starts and clears his throat. “'I am the least difficult of men. All I want is boundless love’”. He recites from heart and hesitates a bit before continuing. “I think I’ve found my boundless love with you.”

Magnus feels a new wave of tears at his words, and while seeing how desperately Alec is holding back his own. Also at the fact, that it’s the exact verse he marked in this poem in the book. Because he found it fitting, because what the have, it really is boundless.

“I think you’re my boundless love too, angel.” He manages to whisper and then Alec closes the short distance between their lips and connects them together, both of then tasting salt.

“Thank you.” Alec places his palm on his cheeks smiling softly. “It’s the best present you could ever get me. I love it.”

Magnus easily mirrors his expression and kisses him again. Deeply, and slowly, feeling both of their emotions collide through their lips. So much love and gratefulness. It’s been a whole year, and Magnus is sure he’ll never get over kissing Alexander, or hearing him saying that he loves him, or saying it back to him, calling him his angel. He really is one, Magnus has never known a better person.

“I have a surprise.” Magnus announces when they finally pull apart from the kiss. Alec raises his eyebrows questioningly at him. But before he gets to say anything, Magnus gets up from his seat and holds out a hand for him. “Care to dance?” His tone is almost challenging, but Alec stares at him with disbelief.

“Magnus, I can’t dance.” He shakes his head with a laugh.

“Please, this once darling.” Magnus pleads as Alec still inspects his outstretched palm. “For me.”

He knows Alec can’t resist this one.

With a sigh, Alec takes his hand and lets himself be pulled up.

“Don’t complain when I step on your feet.” He warns, but Magnus only chuckles warmly.

“I wouldn’t dare, Alexander.”

He pulls out his phone and plays a song, wrapping his arms around Alec’s neck and feeling another strong pair around his waist. He steps closer till he can rest his head on Alec’s shoulder and feel his steady heartbeat underneath his palm when he places it on his chest. It can barely be called dancing, they’re just swaying to the soft sounds, more content in each other’s arms than ever.

“Is that Simon’s song?” Alec prompts after a while.

“So what if it is?” It is Simon’s song, he just couldn’t help it. “I felt a bit nostalgic.”

“How so?” Alec hums.

“They first time we heard it was his first show.” He recalls. “I remember watching you then, how happy you looked when you were staring at Isabelle when Simon dedicated her the song. It’s one of the things I love about you the most, how much attention you pay to the people around you, how you care about them.” He can feel Alec’s arms tighten around him a bit and he nuzzles his head into the crook of his neck.

“Remember the time we met?” Alec prompts then and Magnus nods, head still hidden in his neck.

“The hospital driveway? How could I forget…” He laughs and Alec joins along shortly.

“You came and asked me if everything was okay.” Alec reflects further on. “I love this about you, that you’re always ready to help, even a complete stranger.”

“A handsome stranger.” Magnus reminds him and they chuckle again. “And our first kiss?” He continues later.

“I was terrified.” Alec admits with a laugh. “I just… I wanted it so bad, but I was scared that I was imagining things and that you don’t really like me in this way.”

“I liked you basically from the first moment I saw you.” Magnus confesses to him and Alec hums lightly.

“And the first time we said I love you?” He indicates next.

“You got me there, I totally wasn’t expecting it.” It’s Magnus’ turn to shake his head a little as he recalls this moment.

“I just couldn’t listen to you when you kept talking that no one will ever love you.” Alec resorts simply.

“It felt so good to be able to say it back. I felt like I was feeling it for so long and to finally say it…” He trails of, but Alec nods.

“I know.” He whispers and kisses the top of his head.

“And our first time?” Magnus prompts then, trailing his fingers on Alec’s chest. He can remember it so vividly, every touch, every sound. To finally have Alec like this, to be the first one to have him like this… it was just amazing.

“You were so patient with me.” Alec says.

“Of course I was.” Magnus replies lightly, his voice has turned a lot quitter, barely above a whisper, but it’s enough for Alec to hear. “I would never do anything you didn’t want. I love you.”

“I know that.” Alec declares. “I know. Still I was a bit scared. Not that you would do anything I didn’t want, just in general.”

“You had every right to be.” Magnus reminds him. It’s a normal reaction, especially after what Alec’s been through. It was normal for Alec to be afraid to get intimate with anyone. “I was so proud of you.” Magnus adds.

“I was proud of myself too.” Alec admits.

“And you should be.”

“We had some many great moments this past year.” Alec reflects then, sighing softly. None of them wants to bring up the bad ones, not tonight. “I wonder what the future holds for us.”

“I can tell you one thing.” Magnus pulls back to look him in the eyes and strokes his neck gently. “With you by my side, the future seems brighter than ever.”

Alec doesn’t really reply, just smiles and kisses him again, and Magnus takes it as an agreement.

It’s no surprise that as soon as they return home, almost immediately that end up in bed. A naked mess of limbs tangled together. Magnus is not sure how they’ve already lost all their clothes, but he certainly doesn’t mind. He doesn’t ask Alec what he wants tonight, he’s pretty sure he knows the answer, since it’s always the same. _You_, he always says in that needy, almost desperate tone. Tonight, he lets Alec take what he wants, he offers himself whole, just like Alec has done so many times.

Their kisses turn heated as they keep grinding their hips together. Alec is on top of him, not disconnecting their lips for a short second. It feels like they would die if they’d stopped touching right now. Magnus holds him close, mapping his body, his palms travelling down over the more than familiar lines of muscles. Alec gives as good as he gets, his hands holding tightly onto Magnus’ hips, mouth switching between kissing his lips, then his neck. Slow, lingering, open-mouthed kisses that leaves Magnus shivering and wanting for more.

It doesn’t take long for them both to want to be even closer together. Breathless, Alec rests his forehead against Magnus’ shoulder and blindly reaches to the bedside table, to pull out the lube and condoms. They both laugh as he misses miserably the first time he tries to open the drawer. When he finally succeeds, he throws the contents on the bed next to them and returns to kissing Magnus.

And Magnus gets lost completely. Hours, days could have passed and he would have no regrets if he spent them on kissing his Alexander. His boyfriend breaks him out of his daze when Magnus realises that they’ve stopped kissing, and Alec is looking at him with a questioning expression.

“Do you want to…” He trails off, but Magnus nods.

“Yes, I want you inside of me, darling.” He says, sweeping Alec’s hair out of his forehead.

He loves it when Alec lets him take care of him, but he can’t deny that he doesn’t enjoy it when Alec takes command and goes for what he wants. He’s always gentle, always touches him so tenderly. Sometimes, Magnus wants to tell him that he won’t break, but at the same time his heart swells for the care Alec shows for him. And tonight it feels slow and soft, Magnus is not going to rush him or boss him around. He’ll take everything Alec will give him.

Alec kisses him again, as he delicately slides the first finger inside of him. Magnus moans into his mouth, full of pleasure, feeling the shivers going up and down his spine pleasantly. Soon the second and third finger joins and they’re both breathless, their bodies become more sweaty and Magnus can’t help the blissful groan.

“Alexander…” He gasps out.

“Shh, I’ve got you.” Alec assures him, but Magnus knows.

Then Alec holds the condom out for him to rip the package with his teeth and he helps him roll it on. Alec positions himself and holds him the closest he can when he enters him, they both moan, almost in union at the incredible feeling.

Alec is moving slowly, but surely. That’s exactly what Magnus wants tonight and he’s sure Alec feels the same. No rush, just time to enjoy being wrapped up in each other, to taste each other and feel the other come undone.

Magnus laces his fingers in Alec’s hair when he hits the spot just right, and tugs at it to bring him back to the kiss. It’s more like moaning into each other’s mouths, but none of them minds. They kiss and touch, and move, and make love like there was no tomorrow, like it’s only them tonight, like it’s all that matters.

Right in this moment, it does.

Alec’s moves start to become more erratic as he takes him in hand, which makes him cry out in bliss. They’re both close, almost not able to breathe from the overwhelming sensation and when their lips touch again, it brings them both over the edge.

Alec’s head drops heavily on Magnus’ shoulder, placing a soft, wet kiss there as Magnus runs his hand through his boyfriend’s sweaty hair. Only when they both start to even out their breathing, Magnus manages to get out a few words.

“Happy anniversary, angel.” He says with a kiss to Alec’s temple. 

“Here’s to many more.” Alec murmurs softly. “Love you, baby.” He adds, with his eyes on Magnus now.

“I love you too, darling.” Magnus answers and leans in to seal their lips together again.

It’s definitely a day Magnus will never forget.

Magnus wakes up to the sound of his phone buzzing from the bedside table. He groans, but rolls over, turning from the line of warmth that Alec provides to his chest. Of course his boyfriend notices his absence immediately and turns around to wrap his arm around him, as Magnus blindly reaches for his phone.

“Turn it off.” Alec murmurs sleepily, placing a wet kiss on his shoulder.

“It could be something important, angel.” Magnus resorts as he finally grabs the phone.

“It’s the weekend, you’re not going to work.” Alec states in a tone that doesn’t take any objection for an answer, but it doesn’t come out harshly enough to be an order, since he’s still basically half asleep.

Magnus shakes his head amusingly and flops down on the bed on his back, with Alec’s arm still wrapped around him. He finally picks up the phone, forgetting to check the caller, but he recognizes the voice.

“Hello, son.” Asmodeus says at the end of the line. “How are you doing today?”

“Oh, hi.” Magnus tries to sound more awake than he feels now. “I’m great, thanks. Is everything okay?”

“Everything is perfect. I was just wondering, if you’d like to meet today.” His dad offers lightly. “Maybe we could go out for lunch?”

Magnus thinks his options through. He’s really happy that Asmodeus seems genuine, and interested in his life. Every time they meet he asks about work, just life in general, even about Alec, but Magnus still refuses to tell him a lot about that. But today, he has other, which kind of seems like less pleasant, plans.

“Sounds great, but I actually have other plans today.” He answers after a while. “Maybe we could try some time during the week?”

“Oh, of course.” Asmodeus replies, but Magnus swears he hears a hint of disappointment in his tone. Or maybe he’s just imagining it? “What plans do you have?”

“I’m meeting a friend.”

“Alright, in that case have fun today and I’ll see you soon?” His father inquires.

“Yeah, sure. I’ll call.” Magnus declares and after another short goodbye he hangs up, dropping his phone somewhere on the bed.

“Who decided to call you at such an ungodly hour?” Alec groans with his head buried in Magnus’ chest.

“It’s not an ungodly hour, angel.” Magnus states when he checks the time. “We just slept long.”

“Yeah, because we had an emotional day yesterday.” Alec reminds him mockingly, but then raise his head to look at him a bit more seriously. “Who did you talk to?”

“My dad.” Magnus answer, his hand wondering to comb through Alec’s hair. His boyfriend hums thoughtfully, but doesn’t question anything further on that matter. They’re quite for a while, just basking into each other’s warmth.

“What friend are you meeting?” Alec’s voice shakes him off of the thoughtfulness.

“Hm?”

“You told your dad you’re meeting a friend.” Alec notes, looking up at him again. “Who?”

“Ragnor.” Magnus says with a sigh.

“Are you going to tell him?” Alec questions lightly.

“It’s high time I did.” Magnus resorts. He knows his friend will be pissed. He should have told him about Asmodeus coming back sooner, probably before he made the decision to let him back into his life. But he felt like it was something he had to deal with on his own first. Now he’s ready to confess, no matter the consequences.

“I’m sure it will be fine.” Alec kisses his neck tenderly, nosing against his pulse point.

Magnus lets out a heavy exhale, but hopes that Alec’s words will turn out to be true.

“Hello my dear friend.” Ragnor greets him enthusiastically as he sits down at their table in the coffee shop. Magnus sends him a small smile, but can’t quite hide that he’s nervous about what’s to come.

_Well, you brought this upon yourself_, he reminds himself.

“Hi, how are you doing?” Magnus questions lightly as his friends takes a first sip of his coffee, that Magnus took a liberty on ordering.

“Oh, I’m great.” Ragnor just waves his hand dismissively. “Lots of work, as always, but I’m fine. You better tell me about yesterday.”

“Yeah, it was perfect.” Magnus relaxes a bit as he recalls. But he knows what Ragnor is doing, he always does that, tries to relax him first with some pleasant questions and then get to the probably more bitter point. Magnus guesses that years of working as a therapist shaped him this way. “Alexander really did surprise me.”

“And you’re not easy to surprise.” Ragnor states with a cheeky smile.

“Exactly.” Magnus laughs lightly and then tells him with more details about their anniversary dinner and the whole surprise Alec had prepared. Ragnor listens intensively, still wearing a soft smile. After Magnus finishes his tale, they talk a bit about Ragnor’s work, but not in many details since he’s not really allowed to share.

They’re half-way through their coffees, when Magnus decides that it’s time to finally bring up his father.

“So, I actually wanted to talk to you about something today…” Magnus starts, unsure on how to form his words yet.

“I was sensing that.” Ragnor points out. He’s always been good at reading people. “Alright, what’s up? Is Alec okay?”

He has a right to assume it might be about Alec first, because he’s been a main topic of their conversations very often. Back when Alec was seeing Ragnor regularly, Magnus frequently tried to prey some info out of his friend. Unsuccessfully. Later, they often discussed his mental state, just to make sure he’s doing alright. They had a long conversation when Alec decided to stop therapy. Magnus had been worried at first, but Ragnor made sure to reassure him that Alec is in his best shape and that there really is no need for him to continue, but as soon as any symptoms would reappear, he’s ordered to come back immediately.

Thank God they haven’t.

“Alexander is great, really.” Magnus assures with a smile, but then it fades. Ragnor acknowledges him with a nod, but then gets a bit more serious too. “It’s something totally different…” Magnus lets out another exhale. “The thing is… my father is in town.”

Ragnor’s eyes widen and he just stares at him for a few seconds, as if not sure if he’s heard correctly.

“What?” He prompts then. “Your father? You saw him?”

“Yes, actually I did.” Magnus admits.

“And?”

“And I’m kinda giving him a second chance.”

“Magnus, are you kidding me?” Ragnor questions with disbelief. “This man, what he did to you-“

“It’s in the past.” Magnus cuts in. “We talked. He regrets it.”

“What makes you so sure of it?” His friend’s tone doesn’t loosen up.

“He’s really trying to fix things between us. Ragnor, it was years ago. How long am I supposed to hold grudges?”

“Well, when someone basically calls you a mistake then I think yes, you can hold grudges for long!” Ragnor blows up, but then lowers his tone again. “It isn’t something that can be fix by one or two meetings-“

“I’m aware of that.” Magnus interrupts again. “And we’re taking it slow. Meeting from time to time, talking, just in general, about life. It’s going good for now.”

“So you trust him?” Ragnor questions then.

“Of course I don’t. Not yet. We’ll see how it goes.” Magnus shrugs, taking a sip of his coffee.

Ragnor sighs heavily, rubbing his finger against his brow, shaking his head a little.

“Look,” Magnus starts and his friend looks back at him. “I’m sorry I haven’t told you earlier. I just needed to figure it out on my own first-“

“I’m not mad that you haven’t told me.” Ragnor resorts. “I’m not mad. Just worried.”

“Well, I am too.” Magnus admits, because in his head, he’s seen hundreds scenarios of how wrong this whole thing could go. But somewhere deep down, there’s one happy ending and he hopes they’re going in its direction. “But he is my father. I won’t know, if I don’t try.”

Ragnor nods now, still not looking fully convinced, but Magnus knows that he realises that he’s right. If he pushes his father away now, he may regret it through his whole life. He has to take the risk.

“Does Alec know?” Ragnor asks then. “You know hiding stuff is never good-“

“Of course he knows. I told him everything.” Magnus says. “About the past too.”

“That’s good.” His friend attempts to smile, but Magnus still can see the worry present on his features. “Well, I hope it will all turn out good. I wish you all the best.”

“Really? That’s it?” Magnus blinks surprised. He was expecting some more warnings from Ragnor, for him to list all the things that could go wrong, tell him how foolish he’s being.

“I trust you on this.” Ragnor shrugs. “It’s your choice and if you think that’s the right thing to do, then go for it. You’re a grown man, I can’t make the decision for you.”

“I know, I just wasn’t expecting you to be so understanding about this…” Magnus admits.

Ragnor sighs again and when he faces him then, there’s something more serious flashing in his eyes.

“All I’m going to say is: be careful.” He still eyes him intensively. “Don’t let him hurt you again.”

“I won’t.” Magnus states simply.

“In that case, you’ll be fine.” Ragnor says, back to his normal tone now.

Then they dive into some mindless conversations, but even when Magnus leaves, he still has the picture of his friend’s intensive gaze behind his eyelids.

Maybe Ragnor didn’t state his warnings, but sometimes, the eyes say more about a person than any words could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed it, let me know what you think in the comments! I'm throwing in here a little bit of my love for poetry, as you might have noticed. The poem Alec talks about is Frank O'Hara's "Meditations in an Emergency", which I adore and recommend all of you to read if you're into it :)  
I'll see you next week with probably less fluff, or not. We'll see!


	11. The Next Try

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec discovers who his mom's secret boyfriend is. Then he recieves an unexpected call.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!  
I managed to survive a week of mock exams and here I am with another chapter! We see a bit more of Maryse and her secret boyfriend is finally revealed... Then some unexpected stuff happens, but I'll leave you to it ;) Just wanted to remind you that I am not a lawyer and I have no idea how the legal stuff in this fic should look like, besides some research I did, so please be understanding. 
> 
> Enjoy the read!

“Yeah, I’m dropping by at mom's after classes to give her back the rest of her stuff, so I might be back a bit later.” Alec says into the phone as he’s leaving the library, barely balancing the stack of books in his hands.

“Alright, darling. Then I’ll see you home.” Magnus speaks from the end of the line. “Love you.”

“Love you too.” Alec quickly replies and hangs up just in time to catch a book that’s almost fallen from the top of his pile.

Whoever said studying law is hard, was totally right. In both metaphorical and literal meaning. These books are really making his arms hurt.

“Can last even a minute without talking to your boyfriend?” Alec smiles at the familiar voice and a second later, Lydia is taking a few books from his hands to help him. He offers her a soft and thankful expression. He decides to let her comment slide and just rolls his eyes. “What’s all that for?”

“The exam.” Alec reminds her, sighing heavily.

“And you need all this?” She points with her head at the lot of books.

“I’m still a bit behind after last year.” He resorts with a shrug, but Lydia’s expression softens a bit and she rests her hand on his shoulder reassuringly as they enter another hallway.

“Well, I’m sure you’ll pass with flying colours as always, you nerd.” She jokes and Alec finds himself chuckling too. “We could study together if you’d like. I’m free today after classes.”

“I can’t today. I need to bring the rest of my mom’s stuff to her new apartment-“ He begins to explain, but suddenly Lydia grabs his arm and tugs him into a hallway on their left with so much force that he nearly looses his balance. “Lydia, what the hell-“

“Abort.” She says and peeks back into the main hallway, observing for a bit before she turns back to Alec, who’s still wearing a confused expression, his eyes questioning. “Raj.” Lydia says with a heavy exhale.

Well, this one word explains enough.

“You know that it’s impossible not to come across him here at least once a term?” Alec says, but she just glares at him.

“Better not to push your luck.” She says and glances back in the hallway again. “Okay, clear.” She pulls him back on their course. “I bet you don’t want to encounter him anymore than you have to.”

“Of course I don’t.” Alec snorts. “But I wouldn’t speak to him anyway.”

“Yeah, but he may try talking to you.” Lydia says as her steps pick up a bit of a faster rate. “And I don’t want you to listen to his bullshit.”

“What could he possibly say?” Alec questions resigned.

“I don’t know, okay?” Lydia casts him a look. “I don’t care. It's just better to be safe.”

“Did you talk to Magnus, or something?” Alec asks, but his friend only gives him a bewildered stare. “Because you’re being way more protective than ever.” He smirks lightly.

“Oh, so I can’t be worried about my friend?” She mocks, but her expression is soft now. “Besides, I’ve never had to be protective, we’ve never been in this kind of situation yet.” She points out.

“Yeah, and I’d prefer if we wouldn’t.” Alec mumbles under his breath, but of course Lydia hears and turns to him, gripping his shoulder again.

“And we’ll get through this. Just like we do with everything.” She assures and Alec finds himself believing her. She’s always had this reassuring effect on him. And she’s the smartest person Alec knows, so if Lydia says that everything is going to be okay, then it’s gong to be okay.

Not that he ever plans on telling her that.

Right after classes, Alec finds himself in the subway, one bag full of the books he has to go through for next week’s exam, the other packed with the remnants of his mom’s stuff that she left behind in the loft. He kind of wishes he took Magnus’ offer to drive him, but he’s still at work and probably will be tried after he gets home, so he doesn’t want to be a trouble.

When he starts thinking about it, it kind of bothers him how much Magnus works. He gets that the collaboration really brought Alicante on top, and that the demand for the products is high, but he can see how overworked his boyfriend gets and he doesn’t like it. It might also be the weight of his new position, since now he’s kind of like a boss of the lab’s department, but Alec has talked to Dot, only to find out that she also doesn’t really have a minute to rest recently. Same with Helen and Aline. They really should think about hiring some help, because no one can keep up like this for long.

The road to his mom’s apartment is actually a bit long from the campus, but he doesn’t quite mind. He pulls out a book, his present from Magnus actually, and can’t help the smile that’s overcoming his face as he opens it.

He had no idea that Magnus discovered his fondness for poetry. It’s not like he tried to hide it, but he doesn’t really have a lot of time to enjoy a good book recently, and the fact that Magnus had noticed the difference between him reading his textbooks and poetry books warms his heart.

He knows most of the poems from this collection, but it’s always nice to go back, especially since Frank O’Hara is one of his favourites. Magnus was right, their deep connection with New York is definitely something he and the author have in common, and Alec does feel like some of his thoughts have been transformed to paper while he reads his works.

Before he knows it, it’s time for his stop, and heavily lifting himself up from the uncomfortable seat, he leaves the train to get to the building.

Alec’s actually really excited to see his mother’s place. She said that it’s not fully finished yet, but he doesn’t mind. He’s sure Maryse will make it a true home in no time. He’s just curious in general. His mom told him a bit about how the apartment looks, but it’s always better to see for himself.

Finding the right building easily, he steps inside and takes the elevator to the forth floor, just as Maryse instructed him earlier. He has to admit that he neighbourhood is nice, looks pretty decent, as decent as New York can be. The building itself appears to be quite new, a typical apartment block.

Maryse’s apartment is almost at the end of the hallway, and when Alec finally gets there, he knocks firmly on the door, but still, it takes quite a while before his mom appears at the door.

She swings them open and for a moment just stares at him, as if he wasn’t supposed to be here. But they’ve spoken only this morning when he told her that he would drop by…

“Hi, son.” She finally says after a while, a smile on her face, but Alec notices a certain panic in her eyes.

“Hi, I brought the rest of your stuff, as we established I would.” He kind of reminds her and Maryse’s eyes widen again.

“It was supposed to be today?” She asks surprised.

“Yeah…” Alec trails off, chuckling confusingly. “Will you actually let me in or…”

“Oh, yes sure. Sorry.” She opens the door a bit wider and Alec slips through. At the first glance the apartment looks very since. Freshly painted walls in warm colours, not exactly a lot of furniture, but Alec knows that his mom values the space. They’re currently in a small hallway, but Alec recalls that there’s also a living room connected with the kitchen area, a bedroom and a bathroom. It’s not a lot, but totally enough for Maryse’s needs.

“Were do you want me to leave it, it’s quite heavy.” Alec asks as he drops the bag on the floor.

“Just here it’s fine.” Maryse replies and glances nervously behind her, in the direction of the rest of the flat. Alec eyes her curiously with a frown.

“So… keen on giving me a tour?” He questions and Maryse begins to panic even more now.

“Y-yeah, of course.” She clears her throat awkwardly. “Maybe we should just skip the living room, it’s such a mess out there…”

“I don’t mind.” Alec resorts and his mom gives him another tense smile.

Alec still observes her with confusion. He doesn’t care about the mess, he’s just excited to see how Maryse is doing in making her own home. What could possibly be stopping her from giving him a tour? It’s not like she has someone over…

And then something clicks for Alec.

He remembers the one night his mom stayed at a _friend’s_ house, and that she’s never really specified who the friend was. He dropped it back then, mostly because Magnus told him not to push, but there’s no way he’s missing an occasion to meet his mother’s mysterious friend now.

“Oh, actually I think we should start with the living room.” Alec smirks and moves past Maryse to the horror and apprehension that’ve made their way to her face.

“No, I’m sure we could just… Wait! I’ll show you the kitchen!” She tries, but the apartment isn’t big and in a few strides he reaches the said forbidden room.

He needs to do a double take when he sees the person who’s there.

“Hi Luke.” Alec greets the man who’s just as panicked as his mother, who’s just followed him up to the room, her cheeks burning and Alec can’t help but smile.

“Yeah, Luke was just telling me some more about the Idris Organization.” Maryse rushes to explain, her voice still sounding strange. “He was actually just leaving.”

“Yeah, I…” Luke starts as he gets up from the couch and clears his throat. “It was good to see you Maryse.”

“Oh, no maybe I should leave?” Alec proposes. “Let you get back to whatever you were talking about…” He gestures between Maryse and Luke, both are equally embarrassed.

“No, there’s no needs son.” Maryse swiftly reassures.

“Yeah, I really was leaving.” Luke tries to offer helpfully, but shuts up at Maryse’s glare.

“Yeah, sure you were.” Alec says mockingly, but it’s full of fondness. He’s barely concealing the laugh that’s trying to escape his lips. They’re acting like he’s caught them kissing, or even worse, while actually he’s just found a man in his mom’s apartment, like that was such a sin.

“Just stay here son, I’ll walk Lucian out and be right back.” Maryse leads Alec to the couch and makes him sit down.

“Okay, don’t take too long.” He says and sends them both one last smirk as they disappear in the hallway.

Alec chuckles under his breath as he hears some hushed conversations, but then actually takes his time to check out the apartment. Besides the couch, there are a few cabinets and Alec smiles as he approaches one of them and sees their family pictures displayed there. It already feels more like a home than their old house did. It’s way more cosy and emanates the family vibe.

Maryse has kept the colours light, but warm. There’s a lot of bronzes and beige, kind of a contrast to the old greys and whites. The kitchen is a bit small, but fully equipped. There’s a Persian rug laid down under the coffee table, two armchairs matching the couch’s design and a tv in front of the sitting area.

“So, what do you think?” Alec turns around to see that his mom’s reappeared in the room. She looks at him with a soft smile, anticipating his reply, excitement shining in her eyes.

But Alec can’t help, but comment at the earlier situation.

“About you and Luke?” He sends her a teasing smile again and she blushes once more, letting out a heavy sigh.

“It’s not what you think-“ She tries, but Alec stops her.

“Mom, Luke is a really great guy.” He says and means every words. If he ever had to choose a man perfect for him mom, it could actually be Luke. He knows he has a big heart, always does everything to help everyone. He’s a genuine, nice, honest man and Alec knows he could trust him with his mom’s happiness. “Really, it’s… Why haven’t you said anything earlier?” He asks, not accusingly, actually kind of wistful, because it feels like his mom didn’t trust him enough to share this.

“It’s still quite new.” Maryse admits as she plays nervously with her fingers, then she releases another heavy breath and gestures to the couch so they both sit down.

“How new?” Alec continues, but sees her hesitate. He takes her palms in between his own and it makes her look up at him, sending her a soft, encouraging smile. “You can tell me.”

“Well… first time we spoke at your birthday party,” Maryse finally speaks. “Then he asked me out… we went out more and… I don’t know, it sort of happened.” She shrugs lightly and looks down again.

“Mom, I’m happy for you.” Alec says and she looks back at him with shining eyes. “You deserve some happiness, and if Luke gives you that, then it’s great.”

“I was just scared what you would think.” Maryse confesses then. “I mean, the divorce has just happened and I… I don’t know-“

“The divorce might have just been finalised, but let’s be honest, it wasn’t good with you and Robert long before that.” Alec reminds her gently and she nods.

“So you… you don’t mind?” She inquires nervously.

“Do I mind? Mom, I told you, I’m so happy for you.” He exclaims cheerfully and his mom visibly relaxes. “But you should tell Izzy and Jace as soon as possible, because they won’t take it lightly if they find out I know.”

“I know I will tell them.” Maryse resorts, now sounding more eager and confident. “I was actually thinking about inviting you all over for dinner this Sunday? So I could show you all the apartment and…”

“Reveal the news?” Alec slips her with a grin.

“Yeah.” She chuckles warmly. “Bring Magnus, of course.”

“Sure.” Alec smiles at her again.

Turns out that some unexpected news can be great sometimes.

“You won’t believe what happened today.” Alec says as soon as the loft’s door closes behind him.

Magnus glances at him above his laptop, that he keeps on his lap as he’s sprawled on the couch. His gaze is tentative, as if trying to make out if it’s something good or bad, but as soon as he sees Alec basically beaming with excitement, he smiles lightly too.

“What happened?” He asks and makes some room for Alec to drop on the couch next to him.

“I went to mom’s,” Alec starts. “And guess who was there.”

“I’m guessing your mom…” Magnus replies mockingly, but Alec spats him on the shoulder lightly, which only makes him laugh. “Okay, who?” He prompts then.

“Luke.” Alec answers and watches Magnus’ features journey. First he looks like he doesn’t believe him, then kind of surprised, maybe even shocked. “He’s mom’s mysterious boyfriend.” Alec states as if to confirm.

“Are you sure? Maybe he was just visiting…” Magnus says casually.

“No, she told me.” Alec shakes his head. “They’ve been going out basically since my birthday party.”

“Okay…” Magnus lets the word linger on his tongue. “So, you approve?”

“Of course I do, Luke is great.” Alec resorts with a shrug. “I know I can trust him with mom.”

“Well, that’s great. I’m really happy for them.” Magnus is smiling now. “But I have to admit, I’m quite surprised. Luke was very closed off for any kind of relationship since Jocelyn.” Alec nods to his words. He remembers Magnus telling him about Luke and Clary’s mom, how she died of cancer and that’s why Luke started Idris Organization. “So your mom really must be pretty special to make her way to his heart.” Magnus adds with a loop side grin.

“I think we know she is.” Alec just resorts with an eye roll. “What are you doing?” He questions then and points at Magnus’ computer.

“Some work.” Magnus sighs heavily and returns to typing, as if Alec just reminded him he was actually supposed to do something he’s not very happy to be doing. “The lab needs some more equipment and I should take care of that. Didn’t have time to handle it at Alicante today though.” He shakes his head and types some more.

“You work too much.” Alec states and runs a hand through his boyfriend’s hair gently, but Magnus’ attention remains on his computer screen.

“Don’t I know it.” He just says with another dense exhale.

“No, I’m serious.” Alec says, but Magnus’ eyes stay glued to the screen. It’s Alec’s turn to sigh and without thinking anymore, he takes the laptop from Magnus’ lap, ignoring his boyfriend’s protests, places it on the coffee table, slums it shut and climbs onto Magnus’ lap instead. “You need a break.” He states sternly as his hands wander around his boyfriend’s neck, basically feeling the tension there.

“I really can’t now, darling.” Magnus replies apologizingly, running his hands up and down on Alec’s thighs lightly. “It’s supposed to be done by tomorrow, and I should have finished it yesterday, but we had so much work in the lab that-“

“Yeah, that’s exactly what I’m talking about.” Alec interrupts him. “You have too much work. All of you there do. I know because I spoke with Dot, Aline and Helen too, you’re all so overworked, baby.” He finishes a bit more softly and Magnus sighs, but nods.

“Yeah, but what can I do? There’s just so much work to be done…”

“And it isn’t your fault.” Alec cups his face so he looks back at him, instead of the limited space between them. “But I think you should talk to Raphael about hiring some more people, you need help, it’s not a bad thing to ask for it.” He resorts and Magnus nods again.

“You’re actually right.” He agrees. “Helen told me basically the same thing recently. I wanted to speak to Raphael, but there just wasn’t time-“

“Of course there wasn’t, since you already have too much work.” Alec sums up, and Magnus sends him another guilty expression. “Don’t look at me like that, it’s not your fault. Doesn’t Raphael see that you’re barely handling it?”

“He has a lot of work himself-“ Magnus tries, but Alec cuts in again.

“Yeah, but he’s the boss. He’s supposed to care about his employees. Don’t try to justify him.” Alec speaks firmly.

“I don’t,” Magnus starts, but closes his mouth as if not sure what to say. He exhales heavily again, closes his eyes for a bit and just nods. “You’re right, I will speak to him as soon as I get a chance.”

“You better.” Alec smirks down at him. “Because if not, then I might have to step in.”

“Oh, and what would you do, Mr. Future Lawyer?” Magnus asks, mirroring his teasing tone.

“Well, I can’t find some dirt on everybody.” Alec replies with a casual shrug. “So, will you let me help you relax tonight?”

“I don’t really have a choice, do I?” Magnus questions playfully and Alec shakes his head, already on his way to press their lips together.

Magnus’ laptops stays untouched at the coffee table for the whole evening.

At Sunday, they are the first to show up at Maryse’s to the family dinner. Maryse takes her time now, to show them around the apartment, recalling stories about the redecoration she did in certain places. When the tour is over, they sit on the living room’s couch as his mom pours her and Magnus a glass of wine.

“Well, the apartment is very lovely, Maryse.” Magnus resorts, nodding approvingly at the living room space.

“Thank you.” She sends him a smile as she’s done with serving the wine. “There’s still a few things to do to finish it up, but I think it turned out pretty great. Luke has helped a lot.” She takes a sip of her wine.

“I bet he did.” Alec adds teasingly, only to see his mom blush. Magnus bumps his elbow to his ribs, as if in gesture to remind him to behave, but he’s almost laughing himself.

Soon enough, Isabelle with Simon show up, receiving the exactly same tour. Izzy makes a lot of comments about the colour choices and the decorations, she finds everything lovely and immediately agrees when Maryse asks her to help her with some finishing touches in the bedroom.

The next guest to show up, to Izzy’s and Simon’s surprise, is Luke.

Maryse lets him in with a smile, and Alec notices how fully of fondness it is. He joins them in the living room after a short greeting. Then Simon is the one to speak.

“Not that it’s not great to see you, Luke. But what actually are you doing here?” He asks, not hiding the surprise in his tone.

“Well…” Luke starts, throwing a tentative gaze at Maryse, but then the sound of the doorbell sounds again, announcing Jace’s and Clary’s arrival.

“Oh, hi Luke.” Clary beams at him when she sees him in the room. The man immediately brings her into tight embrace. “What are you doing here?” She questions when they part.

“Well…” Luke begins again and Maryse joins him at his side when she reappears in the room.

“I’ve got some news.” Maryse states, a hint of nervousness still in her tone. Alec takes a look at everyone’s faces. Izzy’s probably already half sure what this is about, since she beams excitedly at their mom, Simon remains him oblivious self, his eyes switching from Luke to Maryse. Jace and Clary share a confused gaze, but then they look back at the pair. Magnus smiles softly and brings his arm around Alec as they sit on the couch.

“Actually, we have news.” Luke clarifies and Izzy instantly picks up at that.

“_We_?” She inquires in excitement.

“Yes, me and Luke are together.” Maryse finally announces, a smile making its way on her face as Luke hugs her lightly.

Isabelle is the first one to respond, bringing her mom into a tight hug along with saying how happy she is an congratulating them. Simon clasps Luke on the back proudly, with a smile. Then he can Clary have an emotional moment as they hug each other. She’s very moved, but so very happy when she whispers something to Luke. Somehow Jace snaps out of his shock and also moves to congratulate them. Magnus, even though he already knew, takes his time to praise his friend too, and gives Maryse another hug, same as Alec.

“You don’t look surprised.” Isabelle states as he turns to Alec and Magnus when she’s done hugging Maryse. “Oh my God, you already knew!” She points an accusing finger on them.

“I found out by accident.” Alec shrugs.

“And Magnus?” Isabelle questions.

“He’s my boyfriend and we live together, of course I told him.” Alec replies as if it was the simplest thing in the word.

“I can’t believe that.” Jace says then and shakes his head at them. “So how long has it been going on?” He asks.

“Basically, sine Alec’s birthday party.” Maryse states and receives a nod from Luke.

“Since the-,” Clary starts and nearly chokes on her words. “And you haven’t said anything?” She tries for her voice to be denunciatory, but she’s clearly failing because of how happy she is.

“We just weren’t sure what’s gonna come out of that.” Luke says simply.

“And if you approved.” Maryse adds.

“Of course we approve!” Isabelle states firmly. “I’m so happy, mom.”

“Yeah, I wonder if these two lovebirds do,” Simon says and points at Clary and Jace. “It’s like you’re siblings now.”

“Ew, gross Simon!” Clary exclaims. “Luke isn’t actually my father.” She reminds him.

“Yeah, and I was adopted.” Jace adds. “So when it comes to blood, we’re not related. But Maryse is the best mom I could have.”

“Thank you son.” Maryse says and kisses Jace on the cheek.

“Okay, okay. It was just a thought…” Simon trials off defending himself and Isabelle put her palm on his shoulder reassuringly.

“So no worries, everyone approve, can we eat now?” Jace asks then and they all burst out laughing, but do move to the table.

The dinner passes by very pleasantly. Luke and Maryse are asked to share a bit more about their relationship journey. They all laugh and joke around. The food is great… Everything is just perfect and Alec already looks forward to more family meetings like this. Maryse promised that she will try to make it a habit once a week and when Magnus offers that they can host the dinners at their loft too, she happily agrees.

Alec is also elated that he’s got a chance to catch up with his siblings. Apparently, Simon’s preparing another gig, Izzy aced her exams and Clary sold some more paintings which brings her and Jace closer to getting their own place. Alec and Jace set up to meet for a work out at the gym some time along the week.

When it starts to get late, he and Magnus decide to call it a night. Isabelle and Simon already left, since she has an exam tomorrow and wants to revise, and Clary is currently trying to convince Jace get going too.

Alec hugs him mom tightly as they get ready to leave in the hallway. He can’t recall when was the last time he saw her being so happy. She’s been smiling basically for the whole evening, receiving congratulations from their family. Luke is a still presence at her side, as if they can finally show the whole world how happy they are together.

“Magnus, before you go, I just remembered, I wanted to ask you about your opinion on something.” Maryse says as they part from the hug. “Which ones do you think will suit the living room better…” She shows him some pictures of curtains on her phone and Alec smiles as they indulge into some small discussion about the colours. Then, he feels his phone vibrate in his pocket and pulls it out. He looks down on it for a second and steps back form his family to answer the call. It’s from an unknown number, so he’s not sure what to think of it yet.

“Hello?” He asks as he picks up. There’s a silence for a few more second at the other line, but then, a voice he doesn’t quite recognize speaks.

“Hey, Alec… I’m not sure if you remember me… it’s Josh.”

Alec’s eyes widen as the caller introduces himself. He does remember, but was totally not expecting to hear from him ever again. He can’t find anything to say for a while and then Josh speaks again.

“I know I said I wouldn’t use this number-“

“No, it’s fine.” Alec interrupts and shakes his head to compose himself a bit. “I remember you, I just wasn’t expecting you to call.” He admits.

“Yeah, that makes two of us.” Josh chuckles lightly, but then is back to being serious. “So I was… actually I was thinking about what you said… like a lot…”

“And?” Alec prompts lightly.

“And I think I might…” The man sighs heavily, and says the next words in a rush. “I think I might want to go on with that, you know. I mean pressing charges against him…”

Alec is speechless again for a second, until he realises he should probably say something.

“Are you sure?” He tries, but his voice isn’t as steady as he’d like it to.

“To be honest, I’m not.” Josh admits with an exhale. “I just… I was thinking maybe we could meet, and you’d explain it to me more, I mean how it would look and stuff… Do you think we could do that?”

“Yeah, sure.” Alec answers, without actually thinking this through. But he remembers how determined he was the last time, and this time, he can actually make it. He won’t waste a chance to make this bastard pay for everything. He also remembers how scared Josh was only at the mentions of Raj’s name, so if he decided to call him, he must have really been thinking about this a lot, if he’s considering going through with it now.

“Great… so maybe tomorrow?” Josh offers then.

Alec turns back to take a look at his family. Magnus is sending him a curious, and slightly alarmed expression, as if worrying if something is wrong, but Alec tries to brush him off with a smile and speaks again, as much composed as he can.

“I have classes and work, but maybe before, in the morning?” He proposes lightly.

“Yeah, works for me… so maybe just send me the details?” Josh questions next.

“Okay, yeah. No problem.”

“Alright, so bye.” He says and then the line goes silent.

Alec closes his eyes and lets himself breathe steadily for a few seconds.

“Darling, are you alright?” He feels Magnus’ arm coming around his waist as he bring him closer and searches his face.

“I’m fine.” Alec replies as he looks back at him and nods to reassure him, but of course Magnus sees right through him.

“What’s wrong? Who did you talk to?” He asks, but Alec can’t do this now.

“Let’s go say goodbye to the others.” He resorts and takes a step to join his mom in the hallway again.

“Alexander-“ Magnus tries, but Alec only gives him a pleading look.

“I’ll tell you everything, just not here.” He whispers and Magnus, even though not happy with that, eventually nods.

They quickly say goodbye to the rest and as soon as they’re out of the building, on the way to their car, Alec can see that Magnus is almost exploding to ask, so he begins to talk.

“It was Josh who called.” He starts as they climb into the car, but Magnus throws him a confused gaze.

“Josh…” He trails off as he tries to recall and Alec sees the exact moment in his face when it clicks for him. “That guy, Raj’s ex.”

“Yes.” Alec confirms, to Magnus’ slightly horrified expression, but he continues. “Turns out he’s been thinking about what I told him. And he’s considering pressing charges against Raj.”

Magnus lets out a heavy exhale and closes his eyes.

“You’re serious.” He more states, than asks, but Alec nods anyway. “I thought we were past that…”

“I know, me too.” Alec says, and can’t feel the determination raising in his tone. He knows Magnus doesn’t like it. “He asked me to meet him tomorrow and tell him more about the process. So it’s nothing sure yet, but… yeah we might go through with it.”

“So you’re doing it?” Magnus asks and when Alec nods again, he shakes his head. “You’re really willing to get into this?”

“Yes, just like I was the first time.” Alec reminds him. He thought that they’re over with fighting about this now, after their last argument. He gets that might be a shock now, but the rules stand, no more fights, not about this. “I thought you are okay with this.”

“I’m never going to be okay with this, Alec.” Magnus says a bit sharply. “I just…” He exhales, but then starts softer. He takes Alec’s hands in his and squeezes them. “You know I’m worried, but I know I can’t stop you.”

That’s right. He can’t. But Alec hates that he needs to get through something Magnus is not on board with.

“Hey,” Alec starts softly and Magnus looks up from their joined hands. “I’ll be careful, I promise you. I swore not to jeopardize my health, remember?”

“I know.” Magnus sweeps his thumbs over his knuckles. “I just hope you know your boundaries”

“I do.” Alec reassures him. “And besides, I have you to remind me.” He states with a smile, and Magnus mirrors a little. He raises their hands to his mouth and kisses Magnus’ palm gently. “Let’s just go home, we’ll see what tomorrow brings.”

Magnus agrees with a nod and then Alec starts to drive. They don’t talk anymore during the way and go basically straight to bed when they come back home. And as they fall asleep, Alec can feel Magnus holding onto him a bit tighter.

Alec tries to steady his shaking hands, putting them around his cup of coffee as he waits for Josh to arrive. It’s early in the morning, so there’s not a lot of people around.

He barely slept last night, only hoping not to disturb Magnus with his trashing around the bed. Too many scenarios of today’s meeting were flowing through his head, but he still has no idea how this will go.

The thing he knows, is that he wants to make Raj pay to what he did to him, what he did to Josh and protect the people he might hurt next. That’s what he has to focus on. But he knows he can’t push too hard. Josh still hasn’t decided and it’s his and his choice only. Alec told Lydia about the meeting, but also said that he wants to go alone, and even though she was apprehensive, she agreed. It might be easier for him to get through to Josh when it’s just the two of them.

Soon enough, he sees the man entering the coffee shop. Hair messily falling onto his forehead, a cascade of brown curls. He’s wearing a loose jumper and some fitted jeans. As he comes closer, Alec notices dark bags under his blue eyes. So he’s not the one who had troubles sleeping last night.

“Hi,” Josh says as he joins him at the table, settling on a stool in front of him. Alec offers him a welcoming smile.

The waitress comes up to their table to take Josh's order and when she leaves, they’re left surrounded by a pressuring silence. Alec taps his fingers onto his cup, trying to find a good way to start this conversation. He’s not sure what is comfortable for Josh to talk about and he doesn’t want to scare him off.

“I’m sorry, you know,” It’s Josh who starts and Alec raises his eyes to see him looking down. “About the first time we met. I wasn’t very nice…”

“It’s understandable.” Alec resorts reassuringly and Josh glances at him now. “I admit, I might have not approached you with it in the best way. I wasn’t sure how to do it-“

“No, you were just trying to help.” The other man shakes his head. “I’m sorry I’ve only realised it much later.”

Alec only waves his hand dismissively, cutting of this topic. They both could have handled it better, but here they are now, eventually.

“So…” Alec starts and clears his throat. “You said you've been thinking about this?” He prompts delicately, trying to get to some entry point for this conversation.

“Yeah, I have.” Josh admits with a nod. “I just… you were right, I want justice. But it’s just… it’s complicated.” He sighs heavily and hangs his head low.

“Hey,” Alec begins lightly. “I get it. But I think I need to warn you. If you want to go through with that, it will require you to talk about this. To the police, or in the court… I just want you to know what to expect.”

“That’s actually why I wanted to meet you.” Josh says then. “Could you just… I don’t know, tell me the process? I want to be sure I can handle it.”

“Sure.” Alec agrees and sends him another reassuring smile. “Well, first of all, you’ll need to report the crime to the police-“

“But isn’t it too late?” Josh cuts in with a question and bites his lip. “I mean, it happened a few months ago…”

“It’s never too late.” Alec assures. “No matter when the assault took place, it’s always considered a crime, the police can’t just underestimate it when it’s reported.” He explains. “After you report this, and give them a name of the offender, they will probably get him to the arrest, but we don’t actually have any proof, so he’ll stay there 24 hours at most. And either way, I’m sure that someone would pay the bail to release him.”

“That’s actually something I’m scared of.” Josh confesses. “I mean, when he gets out, he’ll know that it’s me who’s pressing those charges. So what if he… like comes after me or something?”

“Believe me, he won’t want more trouble for himself, or his father won’t want more troubles for him.” Alec says. He knows Raj and his family enough. They want to maintain their high reputation, that’s why they had swept this whole thing under the rug the first time. “But besides that, we can apply for a restraining order, which if he breaks, he’ll be in even more trouble.”

“Okay, that’s a bit comforting.” Josh exhales, as if some tension leaving him, but he’s still stressed, Alec can see this. “What’s next?”

“Well, then we’ll wait for the trail. I might take a bit, but we can use the time to prepare evidence and witnesses to testify.” Alec describes furthermore. Josh nods along his words, but Alec sees that with his thoughts, he’s totally somewhere else.

“Look, Josh,” He tries to gain his attention again and the man focuses on him. “I’m just explaining it in theory. Every case is different, so I can’t tell you how exactly this will go.”

“No, I get that I just… I’m still thinking.”

“You don’t have to decide today.” Alec reminds him. “Look, do you have anybody who you can talk about this with?”

“Yeah, my friend Lily. She knows about everything.” Josh replies. “She’s actually the one who convinced me to meet you. She says the same as you, that he needs to get punished. She’s been saying this from the start, but I just couldn’t-“

“It’s okay.” Alec interrupts gently as Josh’s voice breaks a bit. “So just talk to her about this again, consider everything and when you’re sure and ready you can get back to me. There’s no rush.”

Josh nods again, deep in his thoughts, but when he speaks, he sounds more sure.

“Alright, so I think I need a few more days to decided.” He states.

“Okay.” Alec says comfortingly. “Just give me a call on what you decided when you do.”

“Thanks Alec.” Josh gets up from his seat, but his sight still lingers on Alec. “I really needed that and… yeah, I’ll let you know what I decided.”

Alec nods and then, Josh is leaving. With one more look over his shoulder, he’s out of the door and Alec releases a breath. Everything is still so unsure. He doesn't know what to think, but he hopes he helped to clear at least some of Josh’s doubts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Leave your thoughts in the comments below :) Is Maryse's boyfriend someone you expected? Do you think Josh will decide to go on with pressing charges with Alec's help? I want to know all of your theories! I'll see you next week with another chapter :)


	12. The Frustration

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Asmodeus gets impatient about meeting Alec. Magnus has some though choices to make. Luke and Clary come by with a little surprise...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!  
So my mock exams were killing me, but now I'm finally done! Winter break is coming soon, so I hope to write some more then. In this chapter we've got a little talk of Magnus and his dad. It's a bit of a slower chapter, but I promise that the action picks back up next week... not sure if it's good or bad though.
> 
> Enjoy the read!

Magnus is definitely more stressed than he should be for the next few days.

It’s not just that Alec is waiting for an answer about the Raj case, it’s because he’s so eager to be part of it. Again.

And first, Magnus doesn’t want him to get his hopes up. Second, he doesn’t want Alec to do it at all.

The frustration boils inside of him, because he’s aware he can’t stop him, but… it’s dangerous and scary, and worrying. He’s pretty sure he’s suffering from a strong case of overthinking, because nothing has happened yet, and his mind already comes up with the worst scenarios. Even Alec’s reassurances don’t help a lot these days.

When he meets his father a few days later after Alec’s encounter with Josh, Asmodeus immediately notices that something is bothering him. He eyes him with a precise look as they sit down to get dinner, but restrains from saying anything. At least at the beginning.

His relationship with his dad is doing great, and Magnus is truly happy about it. Asmodeus’ efforts really seem to be genuine and he’s grown very carrying for Magnus within these few weeks since their first meeting. Magnus realises that he’s been slowly opening up to his father, which he resolves is fine, because in the end, it’s still family. The most sensitive topics remain to be his mother and Alec, but his father is very considerate about this and doesn’t prompt or ask him about this.

Today however, Magnus can see that he’s barely keeping his questions in. Well, he can’t blame him, he would be curious too.

“Are you sure everything is alright?” His father asks some time later when the conversation dies down. “You look… distressed.” He adds after a slight pause.

Magnus just sighs heavily, but in the end shakes his head. There’s no point in hiding it, apparently, he’s not good at it anyway.

“I’m just…” He exhales heavily and tries to search for the right words. “How do you stop someone you love from doing something that will probably end up with them getting hurt?”

Asmodeus is just as surprised as Magnus is at his own words. He wasn’t exactly planning on it coming out so heavy and deep, but here they are now.

“Is it about your boyfriend?” His father questions to which Magnus nods. Then there’s another moment of silence, before he picks back up. “Well, if he loves you too, then he would consider your opinion in the actions he’s about to take.”

Magnus takes a while to register and consider his words. Did he really just undermind Alec’s love for him? It’s basically the only thing that Magnus is the most sure of in his life. This certainly isn’t the case here.

“Alec loves me. I know it.” He just states, because it’s true. It’s not that he’s not considering Magnus’ words or advices. But it’s still his life, and in the end, it’s his decision. And Magnus knows it’s important to him. If they decide to take this case to the court, it will not only get Alec some great renown as future lawyer. It will bring justice to the man who hurt Alec and other people, and deep down Magnus knows that this is what Alec truly wants. He may claim that he’s passed that, that it’s in the past, but it would be rewarding to see Raj get what he deserves, Alec can’t deny that.

“I never said he doesn’t.” Asmodeus deflects. “It’s just-“

“He does consider my words.” Magnus cuts in gently. “But it’s still his life, he has the right to choose whatever he wants. It’s just… it’s complicated. You don’t really understand.”

“Then explain it to me.” Asmodeus gestures forward, as if implementing that he’s ready to listen to the whole story.

“I’d rather not.” Magnus says and pretends not to see the hint of sadness on his father’s features. “It’s just… it requires me to tell you more about Alexander, and I know he wouldn’t be comfortable with that.”

“Alright.” His father backs out, but doesn’t appear to be happy with Magnus’ resistance. “When will I finally meet him?”

“Who? Alexander?” Magnus questions and Asmodeus nods lightly. “I don’t know…”

“Does he not want to meet me?” His father says then and Magnus throws him an almost pleading look.

“Of course he wants to… we’re just busy.”

“Or you don’t want him and me to meet.” Asmodeus sumps up and Magnus can’t deny that it isn’t kind of the truth. Because as he’s seeing his father now, he can have this kind of image of him. And what if Alec comes and he won’t like something about him? This whole, good image will crumble, because Alec is a great judge of character, and it’ll make Magnus doubt everything over, and over again. “Look, I’m not going to push.” His father’s words pull him out of his thoughtfulness. “All I’m saying, is that I can see how deeply in love you are with him, how much you care for him. And I can truly hope he is the same to you. I’d like to see it with my own eyes.”

“So you want to see if Alec’s good enough for me?” Magnus questions.

“I want to meet the man my son has fallen so deeply for.” Asmodeus replies with a shrug. “I like this whole getting to know each other thing, but I really hope that one day you will let me enter your life.”

He is kind of right again. Right now, they live in this kind of bubble that they’ve created for themselves. Talking, getting to know each other, opening up… but Asmodeus isn’t really a part of his life. Not yet, but Magnus realises, that he thinks he wants him to be…

“I’ll talk to Alec.” Magnus says and his father’s face brightens up a bit. “We’ll see about it.”

“Great, that’s all I’m asking for.” Asmodeus resorts and smiles a him.

Magnus mirrors it, but can’t really stop his thoughts from running through his brain. Adding even more to his worries now.

During the last following weeks, Magnus has find out quite a lot about his father. He’s been living in New Jersey, until he decided to come look for Magnus and arrived in New York. He claims that Magnus is not the only reason why he chose to leave, but he’s definitely the most important one. Apparently, his job was getting too demanding and Asmodeus decided he needed some changes. Why not start in a totally new place?

“So, you’re not working now?” Magnus prompts as he takes a sip of his wine. They’ve already finished the dinner, now just sitting and talking.

“Well, no.” Asmodeus replies with a shrug. “But I had kind of a high position in the company in New Jersey, so money is not the issue. I’ll find something when the time is right.”

“I can ask around, if you’d like.” Magnus proposes lightly. “Actually, we could use some help in Alicante. When you said that your job was getting too demanding, I can relate.” He exhales heavily.

“Is it very bad?” His father inquires.

“Alec has to pull me away from work more times than ever now.” Magnus admits. “I mean, I love my job, but it’s really getting too much. I’ll talk to my boss though, so maybe I could mention you-“

“No, son. It’s quite alright, I can handle myself.” Asmodeus sends him a smile and a nod in confirmation. “Besides, I don’t want to invade so much. If we saw each other every day at work now…”

“I don’t think I’d mind.” Magnus resorts, a bit surprised at this thought, but he actually finds it quite appealing. His father would be a great help at Alicante, and they’d spend more time together, got to know each other even better.

But it would also mean, he’d have to tell the rest of his friends about him. A less pleasant aspect.

“I’m glad to hear that, but really. It’s for the best.” Asmodeus says and Magnus nods to agree. He’s right, it could get messy quite fast if he thinks about it further. “But thank you either way.”

Magnus smiles, and then there’s a moment of silence, where no one says anything, but it’s not really uncomfortable.

“Do you know how long will you stay here?” Magnus asks after a while. “In New York, I mean.”

“To be honest, I’m not quite sure.” Asmodeus answers, his face burrowed deeply in thoughts. “But I think I’d like to stay for longer. Nothing had kept me in New Jersey, here I have you… I feel I could have a good life here, but never say never, right?”

“Right.” Magnus nods lightly. “I’m glad we’re doing this. I mean, fixing us. It’s just… I don’t really know…” He’s not sure what to say, but somehow, Asmodeus seems to get it. He squeezes his forearm that’s resting on the table and smiles.

“I know. I couldn’t be more thankful that you gave me this chance.”

Magnus returns the smile and not for the first time in the recent days, thinks how crazy it is. Only a few months ago, he’d never even imagine having this kind of honest conversation with his father. He couldn’t imagine having any conversation with his father, but here they are, and it really makes him happy. Having a father doesn’t seem too bad now. He still wishes he’d always have him in his life. Maybe things would have been different with his mom if she had him when Magnus stayed in New York… But Alec told him once that there’s never a good time for what ifs, and Magnus tries to hold onto that.

There’s here and now, and Magnus is hopeful while thinking about the future.

It’s late when he comes back home, staying at the restaurant for long and talking some more with his father, promising once more that he will bring up the topic of their meeting to Alec.

He doesn’t even realise how late it actually is, but when he enters the loft, the lights are already down, so Alec may be sleeping. This statement is proven wrong when he enters the bedroom and sees his boyfriend sitting on the bed, hunched up over some folders, flipping through papers.

“Hi.” Magnus says softly since Alec still hasn’t noticed him. Then his boyfriend finally rips his eyes away from the work he’s been focused on and sends him a warm smile.

“Hi. How’s your father?” He asks sympathetically and Magnus gives him a slow nod.

“Good. We talked. A lot.” His voice manages not to uncover the hint of nervousness he still feels while talking about Asmodeus. A year ago, he couldn’t even imagine speaking about his father, and a year ago, he was a different person. That old Magnus wouldn’t probably tell Alec about his history with his father. But now, here they are, and he really is happy he has someone to talk to about it.

“Yeah, what time is it actually?” Alec prompts then as he moves around, probably looking for his phone.

“Around 11pm.” Magnus answers him and Alec sighs heavily, closing his eyes for a brief moment. “What is all that?” Magnus points out to the papers as he carefully sits down on the bed, not to crush any of them in case they are important.

“Just some case files.” Alec replies as he starts to cautiously fold them away. “Starkweather asked me to do some research and it takes longer than I expected. But I’m done for today. I missed you, how are you doing?” He moves closer to Magnus on the bed and presses a quick kiss to his cheek, smiling softly.

“I’m okay.” Magnus states and there’s a moment of silence before he carries on. “Actually, my father is kind of nagging to meet you…”

“Really?” Alec asks, surprised. “That’s cool.”

“So, would you like to do it?” Magnus bites his lip a little nervously.

“Yeah, sure.” Alec replies with no hesitation and Magnus sends him a bit of a staggered look. He only rolls his eyes and elaborates. “Magnus, I’ve been basically wanting to meet him since the start. You’re the one who kept slowing this down. Which is of course not a bad thing, we’re doing this at your rate. But yeah, of course I want to meet him, don’t look so surprised.” He finishes up laughingly.

“Okay, great.” Magnus just states flatly.

“Really, is it?” Alec speaks then and Magnus knows from his tone that he heard the insecurities in Magnus’ own voice. “What’s bothering you? You don’t want me to meet him?” He suggests carefully.

“No I do want you to meet. I think.” He says and his boyfriend gives him a confused gaze. “It’s just… what if you don’t like him?” He finally clogs out.

“You don’t like my father and we’re okay with that.” Alec says teasingly with a smirk.

“It’s different, I hate him and you hate him too, but with my father I-“ He stops himself before he can say something that he’s not really sure if he means.

“And you like your father?” Alec offers gently.

“I think I do.” Magnus resorts, a bit taken aback at this statement himself. “I mean, he’s been so great recently… I didn’t even know how much I’ve missed having a father, because I’ve never had one.”

Alec tenderly rests his palm on Magnus’ and sends him an understanding look. Of course he gets it, Magnus thinks. He always does, sometimes it feels like they’re communicating without words.

“I want you two to get along.” He admits, earning himself another beautiful smile from his boyfriend.

“I hope we will.” Alec tells him. “Really I can see that it’s important to you. I promise, I will try my best when we meet him.”

“You don’t have to, you’re already perfect.” Magnus resorts and squeezes his palm, hearing his pleasant laugh.

“I am not, but thank you.” Alec replies and lays his head on Magnus’ shoulder, pressing even closer to him. “And by the way, it’s not that I’m not nervous that he won’t like me. I’m like, terrified.”

“Alexander, you are impossible not to like, I told you that.” Magnus says immediately. “You’re the best person I know, darling.”

“Yeah, but your father doesn’t have to think that.” The insecurities are clinging onto Alec’s voice now. Magnus wraps his arm around him and hugs him to his side.

“Whatever he says or thinks, I love you, and nothing ever will make me change the way I see you.” He speaks convincingly, because that’s the truth.

“I love you too.” Alec replies and smiles. They stay like this for a while, in silence, before Magnus decides to ask.

“Any news?” He doesn’t detail what he means, but he’s pretty sure Alec knows from the tone of his voice.

“About Josh?” Magnus gives him a nod. “No. Still nothing.” Alec answers and shakes his head.

Magnus barely resists the relived sigh that wants to leave his lips. Seems that it will be another pretty hard few days.

The next day Magnus makes a mental note to call Asmodeus and establish some meeting with both him and Alec, but he kind of seems to be putting it off, being way too nervous than he probably should. If he doesn’t settle the date, the meeting won’t happen, right? He knows it’s a wishful thinking and deep down he actually wants Alec and his father to meet, it’s just a lot to process for now.

But what he decided to do today is talk to Raphael. After Helen, and then Alec telling him about how overworked they all are, he promised himself he will ask for help. Probably only after Alexander has noticed him being way too caught up in work than ever, he realised that it indeed must be bad, has been for a while now.

That’s why he finds himself on his way to his boss’s office, confidently striding through the hallways. All of his co-workers backed up his idea, so if the majority is up to this solution, the talk should really go smoothly.

Gently knocking on the door and receiving a quite invitation in answer, Magnus enters the room to see his friend hunched over his desk, his eyes hoovering over the documents spread on it, but when Magnus emerges fully into the room, he looks up.

“Hey, you’ve got a moment?” Magnus asks, taking a seat in the chair opposite the desk, in front of Raphael.

“Not really…” The boss sighs, but drops some paper he’s been reading on the worktop. “Is it important?”

“Kind of…” Magnus admits. He’s been stalling way too long to talk to him about this.

“Alright.” Raphael straightens in the swivel chair, abandoning all the work for a while. “What is it? Did you manage to order all of the equipment as we established?”

“Yeah, it’s all done.” Magnus reports back. Even if Alec did provided, a much needed, distraction, in the end Magnus got the work done, just as he promised he would.

“So what’s up? Is there some trouble with the shipment?” Raphael questions further, but Magnus shakes his head.

“The thing is… we need help.” Magnus begins and watches a shadow of confusion come up on his friend’s face.

“What kind of help?” Is all he asks, for now. His face twisting into a frown.

“We’re barely keeping it together in the lab.” Magnus explains. “It’s just… You were right when you said that the collaboration would bring us on top. It really did and it’s crazy with the demand for our cosmetics now. I don’t even want to imagine how we would have handled it without Aline and Helen… but the point is, we can’t handle it anymore. It’s too much, we stay extra hours all the time, I take work home because it’s just too much. We need help, more chemists, more workers.”

Raphael considers him with a thoughtful look as he finishes talking. Then he drops his eyes, not actually staring at the papers on his desk, probably just not wanting to look at Magnus.

“Look, Magnus.” He starts after a while. “I get that your new position may be something… different. It’s more responsibilities and stuff. So I understand that it may be too much for you, I mean you wanted this position in the first place, but I get that you didn’t know what you were signing up for-“

Magnus listens him with an increasing need to cut him off, a frown on his own forming on his forehead, because that wasn’t what he meant.

“Raphael,” He interrupts as much gently as he can. “it isn’t about me. I am handling my position completely fine, but it’s too much in general, it’s too big of a demand for the four of us to handle. The whole crew agrees that we need more employees to help us.”

“And the whole team agrees?” Raphael inquires, his expression back to his usual poker face, so Magnus can’t really read it.

“Yes.” He nods. “No one enjoys working late hours. It’s just too much.”

“Okay…” The boss says, but hesitates before continuing. “I’ll be honest with you, I wasn’t really taking this kind of expanses under consideration.”

“But you will now?” Magnus tries to state, but it comes off more as a question.

“I’m not sure, if I can.” Raphael admits, forcing Magnus to rethink if he’s heard him right.

“What do you mean?” He questions.

“That we need qualified people, it’s really hard to get those these days.” His friend resorts.

“So, we’ll try and find them.” Magnus shrugs. He’s aware that it might be a long process to find some suitable people, so it’s better to start as soon as they can.

“Well, we could. It’s just…” Raphael stumbles over his words, clearly not sure what he’s about to say. Magnus’ frown deepens again, but then he’s hit with a sudden thought.

It’s actually quite unbelievable and he kind of hates it.

“Wait,” He stops whatever Raphael was trying to say. “Are you seriously becoming one of those people?”

“What people?” The boss asks.

“_Those_ people.” Magnus emphasises. “Who are willing to the everything at the lowest costs? That will run down their own employees just to gain a bit more money? Please tell me you haven’t actually fallen that low, Raphael.”

“It’s not about this.” His friend attempts, but still can’t quite find the right words. “I’m just trying to think of the best solution-“

“Well, there is no other solution.” Magnus snaps and cast him a disbelieving look. “These are valid concerns Raphael. If we keep going like this, you may not have any scientists left soon.”

“I didn’t know it’s that bad, okay?” The boss cuts in. “I-, alright, I will consider it. Is that what you wanted to hear?”

“No,” Magnus admits and shakes his head firmly. He’s just angry now. Alec was right when he said that Raphael should care about the wellbeing of his employees. He’s certainly not appearing to care now. Magnus can’t even believe how much he’s friend has changed recently. First this whole thing with Camille, which Magnus forgave and gave him a second chance, but now this? What’s next, banning relationships between co-workers to achieve better results? That’s just as bad as Camille. “I wanted to hear that you will do everything you can to keep this company running. Which means hiring new people, because our team won’t be able to keep up like this for long. Your _consideration_ is not what we need, we need help.”

Raphael sighs heavily and drops his gaze again, but Magnus can see in his face that he doesn’t agree. But the worst thing is that Magnus knows he can’t change his mind.

“That’s the best you’ll get now, Magnus.” His boss replies and Magnus lets out a snort. Then Raphael is back to his documents, not paying any mind to Magnus now.

“Well, thanks a lot then.” Magnus moves from his seat and escapes the room, suddenly feeling sick of this whole conversation.

He doesn’t care about how sharply he slums the door after he exits. Neither about the loud bang sounding down the hallway.

“I need a drink.” Magnus states as he sighs heavily. The door to the loft closing behind him, as he enters the living room and drops his bag.

“What happened?” Alec asks immediately, turning his attention for whatever movie he’s watching on the tv to Magnus, as he prepares his drink and then sinks deeply into the couch next to him, letting out another dense exhale.

“My boss is being a jerk.” He starts and then explains the whole conversation he had with Raphael today, letting another wave off frustration pour out of him. Alec listens and doesn’t interrupt, but Magnus can see how his emotions shape from concern to angry, and then back to concern, on his face. Magnus finishes talking along with finishing his drink and as he moves to get another one, he awaits Alec’s reaction.

“I’m sorry, baby.” His boyfriends says then. “He acts very irrational, to be honest, I mean, it’s not that Alicante is doing bad and can’t afford to hire some new scientists.”

“Exactly.” Magnus exclaims and settles back in his place on Alec’s side. “I just-, God, it’s so frustrating.”

“I get it.” Alec takes his palm and laces their fingers gently, then brining their joined hands to his mouth and kissing Magnus’ palm delicately. “Let’s hope he’ll come to his senses.” He sums up and Magnus agrees with a nod.

Silently, Alec opens his arms and Magnus gladly falls into them. He’s not sure what that is, but there’s always been something calming about Alec, just about his presence. When he’s near, Magnus feels much more settled and calm. It’s sometimes funny to him, how different he and Alec actually are, but work so good together. Alexander rarely gets angry or frustrated, he basically never raises his voice, but has that special stern tone, that Magnus knows leaves no room for discussion. When Alec is angry, he’s silent. He waits out the worst times and then when everything’s cooled off, he can talk. With Magnus, it’s totally different. When he’s frustrated or mad, he could scream about it from the rooftops. He’s always straight forward, always says what’s on his mind, while Alec lets you realise what you’ve done wrong and actually think it through.

But Alec never minds, always lets Magnus rant about the things he’s pissed off about. Sometimes, mostly at the beginning of their relationship Magnus wished Alec would be direct, because he doesn’t talk about his feelings often and Magnus hates the feeling that he might be bottling something up inside of him. But now, they’ve reached a great level of communication and Alec became very open about everything that ever bothers him, same with Magnus.

They stay curled up on the couch for quite a while, till there’s a knock on the door. Magnus curses whoever chose to interrupt their moment of peace, because nowadays they rarely get to have those. He sighs heavily, but before he can move, it’s Alec who’s getting up from the couch.

“I’ll get it.” He drops a kiss on top of Magnus’ head and leaves to open the door. A moment later, Magnus can hear hushed voices speaking greetings, and then Alec emerges back to the living room with Clary and Luke following in tow.

“Hi guys,” Magnus greets as Clary gives him a hug. “What a lovely surprise.”

“We were in the neighbourhood.” Luke says as he settles in the armchair opposite him with Clary getting comfortable on the couch. “And we actually have something we need to share.” He announces and only now Magnus notices the excitement dancing in Clary’s eyes. Alec has joined him back on the couch, but only offers him a puzzled look, clearly not knowing what’s going on too.

“Okay.” Magnus prompts. “What is it?”

“So, this year marks the 5th anniversary of funding the Idris Organization.” Luke begins proudly. “And we decided we want to somehow celebrate it and thank all of the people involved.”

“What are you planning?” Alec asks and then it’s Clary who speaks up.

“Basically, it’s going to be kind of a banquet, where we invite all of our volunteers and benefactors. Plus an auction, where we’ll be selling my paintings.” She finishes up thrilled at only the thought of it.

“This is amazing.” Magnus resorts and hugs her lightly again. “And wow, it’s been five years already?”

Luke nods lightly, the proud smile still remaining on his features. Magnus remembers how much of a hard work he put in this whole institution. And he wasn’t in a great place back there himself. It was so recent after Jocelyn’s death, he had Clary to take care of, but still, he never gave up, even helped Magnus deal with his mother passing away. Luke really is one of the strongest people he knows, and now thinking how he’s found his happiness in Idris and with Alec’s mom… it really warms his heart.

“Yeah, so as our former volunteer and best friend, of course you are invited.” Luke hands him an envelope and Magnus eagerly rips it open. It reveals a beautiful invitation, with golden letters craved at the top in a stunning cursive writing, probably Clary’s project. “With a plus one.” Luke adds, but his words are more directed to Alec and they both chuckle.

“I bet who I will take with me…” Magnus wonders out loud, but leans further into Alec’s side. “Thank you so much, of course we’ll be there.” He checks the date to make sure, but it’s still a little over a week away. Either way, he makes a mental note not to plan anything on this certain date.

“It will really mean a lot to us.” Clary says. Magnus really admires her devotion for Luke’s cause. He himself would like to be more present at Idris, but things got so complicated recently. First with Alec and his mental health getting worse, then Magnus wanted to be there for him for the healing process… He knows no one minds and that those were important reasons, but he promises himself he will try to come by to the hospital at least a few times a month.

“I wonder who’s Luke’s plus one’s gonna be…” Alec trails off with a grin and Luke’s cheeks heat up. Clary chuckles lightly and Magnus mirrors the sound.

“Yes, Maryse is invited too.” She supplies with a wink.

“And what about you, biscuit?” Magnus asks teasingly.

“Isn’t that obvious?” She just shoots back a question, her smile growing even bigger.

“Well, I can’t really blame you for falling for the Lightwoods. I do admit, they have a certain charm…” Magnus says and puts his palm gently on Alec’s cheek, pecking him on the lips as the rest around them laughs.

“Okay, it’s our cue to leave.” Clary states and gets up from the couch when their lips part.

“No, you can stay. Maybe you want something to drink?” Magnus offers.

“Thanks, but we really should go. We still have a lot of these to deliver.” Luke points out to the envelope in Magnus’ lap.

They all say their goodbyes and Alec walks their guests back to the door. Soon he returns and finds his place curling into Magnus’ side.

“What should we wear?” He prompts a bit later and Magnus gets startled at the question. He gives his boyfriend a confused look. “To the banquet, I mean. It has to be something like, fancy, right?”

“And since when do we care about fashion, my love?” Magnus questions laughingly, earning himself an eye roll from Alec.

“You know I don’t, I’m just wondering, because I’m not sure if I have the proper clothes.” He shrugs.

“Then we’ll go shopping, because we indeed need to dress fancy. I think tuxedos and stuff.” Magnus replies and chuckles at Alec’s groan.

“God, I hate those.”

“I bet you’ll look hot.” Magnus leans in and kisses him lightly, feeling Alec smile against his lips. “I mean you always do, but-“

“Stop.” Alec blushes furiously and Magnus laughs again. “You’ll look way better. I’m sure.”

“Let’s agree to disagree, my love.” Magnus resorts and presses their lips together again. “I was actually thinking,” He starts when they pull apart. “I should call my father and set up some meeting, right?”

“If you want that, then sure.” Alec says and runs a hand through Magnus’ hair. “Whatever you want, babe.”

“Okay, so I think I will.” Magnus states in some sudden up burst of courage. “When are you free?”

“I only have one exam next week, so whenever fits you and your dad really.” Alec answers. “Hey, are you sure about this?”

Magnus takes his time to think. It can really change a lot of things, but if he’s not willing to let his father enter his life… How long can they build a relation over dinners and lunches? It’s a big step, but one that he’s willing to take.

“I am.” He replies. “I’m ready. As long as you are.”

“Alright, then let’s do this.” Alec’s words are the last push he needs to pull out his phone.

He doesn’t hesitate when he dials the number.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! As always, I'd like to know your thoughts, so comments are always welcomed :) Should Raphael realise that he puts too much pressure on his team? Do you think it's a good idea for Alec and Asmodeus to meet? Let me know your theories and I'll see you next week!


	13. The Case

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec is nervous before meeting Magnus' father. When he finally receives an answer from Josh things get a bit more complicated than he expected...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi,  
okay, so as I've said, the action kind of picks up in this chapter. We find out a bit more about Asmodeus and Josh's situation... So please, be aware of the WARNINGS: there is a talk about sexual assault and a bit of a graphic description of it. Also, talk about abusive relationship and a scene involving a panic attack. This is where it starts to get dark guys, but I do hope you'll stick around.

Magnus sets up the meeting with his father for next Monday, and Alec really tries not to be nervous.

Well, easier said, than done.

He’s not sure what to expect. Magnus praises his father so much, but Alec can’t help this weird, suspicious feeling towards this man. He hopes all of his worries will clear up once he actually meets him and sees that he is indeed good for Magnus.

Another thing is, that he can see how nervous Magnus is, and he doesn’t like it. His boyfriend claimed that he’s sure about the meeting, Alec asked him repeatedly if he’s changed his mind over the last few days, but he said he didn’t. Alec tries to put his worries away, focusing on reassuring Magnus, but it’s not so easy too.

An there’s still the fact, that he’s waiting for an answer from Josh. It’s been a few days and Alec starts to lose hope again. He’s probably changed his mind and decided to back out, now he’s just wondering how to tell Alec. And he can’t blame him, it’s his decision after all, but Alec would like to know what he stands on. He’s usually a patient man but has his limits too.

“Were you nervous before meeting my parents?” Alec prompts one night, when they’re settling for bed, actually already half asleep. Magnus crawls under the covers beside him and provides pleasant warmth. Alec lets out an appreciative hum.

“Well, let’s see. The first time I met your dad was to call him out on his bullshit and yell at him for treating you badly, which ended up with your mother saving me from his office’s guards.” Magnus resorts and Alec winces at the memory. They certainly didn’t get the meet the parents thing right before. “So no, I wasn’t nervous. I was angry and then surprised because I didn’t expect meeting your mom. The nervousness came later I guess.”

“Maybe that’s why we are so nervous?” Alec questions then, but Magnus only raises his brows at him.

“I’m not nervous.“ His boyfriend snorts and Alec rolls his eyes.

“Babe, it’s not a bad thing, and besides, I can see that you are.” He says and continues before Magnus can object. “I just mean that we have this date set and it feels like we’re both counting down the minutes, stressing out even more. Maybe it would be better if it was unexpected? Who knows… we should just try to relax and not think about this every thirty seconds.”

Magnus inspects him with a precise look, but there’s a smile creeping onto his face.

“When did you get so smart…” He trails off, running a hand through Alec’s hair and leaning down to kiss his forehead gently.

“I’m growing up.” Alec replies sarcastically but doesn’t resist when Magnus brings him closer with an arm around his waist. He buries his head in Magnus’ neck and inhales his favourite scent of sandalwood.

“Darling, can I ask you something?” Magnus asks after a while and Alec unclenches himself from his neck to look at him properly.

“Sure, anything.”

There’s a hint of nervousness behind Magnus’ eyes and Alec can feel how he tenses up slightly from where he’s pressed so tightly next to him. He runs his hand up and down his boyfriend’s bare arm in an attempt to relax him.

“I just…” Magnus tries and exhales heavily. “Could we maybe not tell your family about my father yet?” He asks and Alec throws him a confused gaze. “I mean, I’d like to do it myself, because it takes some explaining, and I don’t want to put you in an uncomfortable position to tell them everything. And I don’t want to lie to them, and especially I don’t want you to lie to them. But I still feel like there’s some more exploring to do, so maybe after you meet him we could tell them… So could we just wait, a bit more?”

“Yeah, of course.”

It’s probably the first time he’s not being completely honest with him.

He can see how much it means to Magnus, and he does understand why he wants to tell them himself… But it does put Alec in a bit of an inconvenient position. The truth is, he’d like to speak about this whole ‘meeting the parents’ thing with someone other than Magnus. He doesn’t want to make his boyfriend stress even more, so it would be great to lay his worries on someone else. He was thinking of talking to Izzy, or Jace, or even his mom. But Magnus is right, it takes some explaining to do, there will be lots of questions, and it isn’t really his story to tell.

That’s why he agrees.

“Thank you, angel. Really I…” Magnus says and sighs. “I just want to kind of sort this up, I hope you don’t mind. We’ll tell them soon, I promise. I know it’s been a while-”

“It’s okay.” Alec gently stops his rumbling. He’s started drawing random shapes on Magnus’ chest with his fingers. “I understand.”

“I love you so much.” Magnus kisses the top of his head and hugs him tightly.

“Love you too.”

It doesn’t take long for them both to fall asleep, but Alec feels that weird, nagging feeling increasing in his chest.

Monday comes a bit too soon for his liking, but he knows there’s no turning back now. Not that he wants to, he can’t deny that there’s a hint of curiosity growing behind all of the stress. But still, it’s dimed with the anxiety.

And of course, Lydia notices that he’s being more jumpy than usual.

“Okay, what’s going on?” She questions while they’re sitting on the campus during one of the breaks.

“Nothing, I’m fine.” Alec lies, and she just throws him an unimpressed glare.

“Everything okay with Magnus?” She asks tentatively.

“Yeah, we’re great.” He answers and pretends to look over his notes, reading the same page for what seems to be the fifth time.

“Did you get an answer from Josh?” Lydia tries to guess further. He told her about him and Josh meeting back then, and him considering pressing charges against Raj. She offered her help, but they both know it’s nothing sure yet.

“No, still nothing.” Alec replies and she nods lightly, staying quiet for a few seconds, but then speaking again.

“Did you bump into Raj again, or something-“

“Lydia, I’m fine, really.” He promises and she sends him a bit of an apologetic smile.

“Sorry, I’m just-“

“You’re being overprotective.” Alec smirks. Lydia mirrors the expression and spats him on the shoulder lightly.

“I’m here, whatever happens, okay?” She asks, the mood switching back to a bit more serious.

“I know Lyds, thanks.” Alec smiles and hugs her lightly.

But he really wishes he could tell her the whole truth. 

Magnus picks him up after work and they go back home to freshen up and then head to the restaurant where they’re supposed to meet Asmodeus. As they climb into the car and start to drive, Alec takes Magnus’ hand, not sure if it’s more for his comfort or his own.

“You’re good?” Alec asks as Magnus backs out of the parking lot.

“Yeah, you?” He shoots back, but his eyes are focused on the road. Alec nods even though he can’t really see it.

“I’m good, I just don’t like seeing you so tense.” He admits and sinks further into his seat.

“I’m sorry-“

“You’ve got nothing to apologize for. Just relax.” Alec lifts up their joined hands and places a kiss to Magnus’ palm. “It’s gonna be fine.” He tries to reassure both himself and Magnus.

“I know…” Magnus sighs. “I love you so much, you know that, right?”

“Of course I do.” Alec smiles as he looks out of the window. “I love you too.”

Shortly, they arrive at the destination. Magnus gets out of the car and rounds it to open the door for Alec and takes his hand, leading him inside the restaurant, but only after a few steps, Alec tugs at his palm.

“Wait,” He says and Magnus stops in his tracks, a slightly alarmed expression on his face, but Alec only smiles, brings him even closer and kisses softly. Deciding that it’s not enough, he hooks his arms around Magnus’ neck and deepens the kiss a little, until he can feel his boyfriend smiling against his lips. “We’ll need to control ourselves in front of your father so let’s kiss in advance.” Alec whispers between their lips. Magnus laughs warmly and then kisses him again.

“Good plan.”

Alec’s not sure how long they just stand and trade kisses, but then he remembers, that they actually have somewhere to be.

“Come on, I don’t want to be late and make a bad impression.” He says and sets their course back on track.

“You can always blame it on me.” Magnus proposes, but follows him willingly, placing one last kiss to his cheek.

Alec lets out a shuttering breath as they enter the restaurant. He’s always nervous and anxious when it comes to meeting new people, but it isn’t just someone, it’s his boyfriend’s father and when this realisation occurs to Alec, he kind of begins to freak out. He squeezes Magnus’ hand a bit tighter. His boyfriend turns to him and sends him a smile, which calms him down a bit, but still, his heart is hammering in his chest.

Magnus swiftly manoeuvres them around some tables to get to theirs, where Asmodeus is already seated. Alec takes the man in for a moment. There’s for sure some resemblance to Magnus on his features, something about the eyes, the same hair colour, Alec can see it clearly. The man smiles as he sees Magnus approaching, and then his sight falls on Alec.

He feels himself shrink a bit, underneath his gaze. It’s not unpleasant, but Alec can feel that he’s being judged. And all he can think of is _don’t be awkward, don’t be awkward, don’t be awkward_.

“Father,” Alec realises that Magnus and Asmodeus have already exchanged their greetings when his boyfriend points at him and introduces. “This is my boyfriend, Alexander.”

Alec politely holds out his hand and Asmodeus accepts the handshake. His grip is firm, and his eyes don’t leave Alec’s face for even a second.

“It’s very nice to meet you, sir.” Alec finally manages to say, as they let go of each other’s hands. He can feel Magnus’ palm resting on his lower back, a grounding presence that reminds him that he’s not alone and he’s right there next to him.

“The pleasure is mine, Alexander.” Asmodeus replies and gestures for them to sit down. “I have to admit, I’ve been wanting to meet the man that has stolen my son’s heart for quite a while now.” He smiles, a bit teasingly.

“Well, Magnus has been telling me a lot about you too, sir. So I’d say the feeling is mutual. And just Alec is fine.” Alec replies and Asmodeus considers him with a slow nod.

Magnus and his father make a bit of small talk until the waitress arrives to take their orders. Alec is more than okay with that, since then he just has to focus on not appearing awkward, and not on what words are coming out of his mouth. Sadly, this changes after they place their orders and the conversation shifts back to Alec.

“So, Alexander” Asmodeus starts, taking a sip of his wine that’s just been served. “Magnus mentioned that you’re still in college? What filed of study?”

“Law,” Alec answers but notices some glint in Asmodeus’ eyes. Maybe it's just curiosity, but Alec swears there's something dangerous about this look. “I’m in my final year, actually.” He adds.

“Alexander is going to be an amazing lawyer.” Magnus cuts in with a proud smile and rests his palm on Alec’s thigh under the table. “He’s very devoted and passionate.”

“Magnus…” Alec trails off in a lower tone, feeling his cheeks heating up.

“What? Isn’t that the truth, darling?”

Alec rolls his eyes at him fondly but nods in the end. He really needs to learn how to take a freaking complement without blushing every five seconds.

“Why such a choice?” Magnus’ father questions further. “In Law, I mean.”

“Both of my parents are lawyers.” Alec begins to explain. “So it might have been a bit of it, but it’s not like they forced me. I really feel like that’s what I want to do. To help people.”

“Well, these days it tends to be difficult to actually find a lawyer who cares more about the wellbeing of his clients than a paycheck.” Asmodeus resorts. “I’d like to believe that you not going to be one of this kind, Alexander?”

“No, I don’t plan on it, sir. Justice is what’s the most important.” Alec says, but he starts to feel even more anxious under Asmodeus’ precise gaze. It begins to feel like an interrogation that he’s not sure he’s ready for. Also, the fact that Asmodeus is still using his full name is something that begins to bother him. It doesn’t sound nearly as delicate and loving as when Magnus says it. It reminds him of the times his own father called him that when he was a child and messed something up. Just makes him feel lesser.

“And how exactly did you meet?” Asmodeus questions next, motioning between the two of them.

“Remember when I told you about the volunteering I did?” Magnus starts and his father nods. “Well, I used to visit a hospital as a part of it and that’s where I met Alec.”

“A hospital?” Asmodeus doesn’t hide the surprise in his tone. “Quite an odd place for such a meeting, to be honest.”

“I was just visiting my brother,” Alec explains further and Magnus nods along. “Magnus offered to drive me to my university and I agreed. That’s how it started.” He glances at Magnus and sees the affection radiating from his eyes, pretty sure he’s mirroring it.

“So, you’re not an only child then?” Magnus’ father asks then and Alec shakes his head. He hesitates for a bit, but then clears his throat and speaks. 

“No, I have a brother and a sister.” He answers. “I’m the oldest.”

Their food arrives and it saves Alec from another wave of questions, at least for a while. He tries to sort of calm himself down because he still feels like he’s freaking out a bit inside. Asmodeus is not actually being unkind or cold. It’s just Alec who hates talking about himself and never finds it comfortable. Also, this situation painfully reminds him of the time he met Raj’s parents. It wasn’t bad either, but the resemblance is what he doesn’t like. He guesses that parents just always ask a lot of questions to make sure their child is in great hands. He’d probably act the same, probably has before, when he met any of his siblings’ significant others. It’s the protective instinct that strikes.

“How is it going at work, son?” Asmodeus questions sometime later. “Still tough?”

“Well, I talked to my boss, but there was still no answer to my request.” Magnus answers with a hint of annoyance in his tone for this situation.

“He works too much, doesn’t he?” Asmodeus turns to Alec and he nods.

“Definitely.”

“But I bet you’re both busy. Studying law must be hard, isn’t it?”

“It’s not always easy, but rewarding,” Alec says carefully. “I hope the hard work will pay off.”

“I’m sure it will, angel,” Magnus speaks with a smile. “Alec also in on an internship at one of the best law firms in New York.” He adds with pride in his voice and Alec smiles lightly in return.

Asmodeus’ expression, on the other hand, turns sterner and he’s back at inspecting Alec dutifully, almost glaring at him and he almost flinches under his gaze, deciding to look down.

That’s the first hunch he gets, that he doesn’t like something about this man. When Alec looks more closely, there’s something about his eyes, something not entirely honest in them, like he’s hiding stuff. Tries to mask it with fake politeness and insincere smiles. Something just doesn’t feel right, and if there’s on thing Alec has learnt in is life, it’s that he should trust his instincts.

It doesn’t stop him from giving Asmodeus a chance. It’s been only an hour since he’s met the man, but now he knows he needs to be more cautious than he might have thought at the beginning.

Alec must have been so deeply buried in his thoughts that he wasn't aware of the conversation happening around him and only the sound of Magnus’ phone ringing pulls him out of his head.

“It’s Catarina,” Magnus says as he frowns down on his phone. “I better get this. I’ll be right back, okay?” He turns to Alec and he nods, even if he doesn’t look forward to the next few moments spent alone with Asmodeus after his recent realisation.

There’s a moment of silence when Alec desperately tries to avoid eye contact, but when the other man clears his throat, he looks up.

“So, Alexander” He begins. “What about the future?”

“What do you mean?” Alec frowns and questions confused.

“I mean, let’s say you do become a lawyer. You think you’re going to be able to maintain a relationship. It is tons of hard work…” Asmodeus trails off.

“Of course.” Alec answers without hesitation. The only thing he’s sure about the future is Magnus. “I’m aware that it may be difficult, but we’re doing alright now and personally I think that the hardest times are ahead now. I mean, reconciling school with work and stuff.”

“I see.” Asmodeus nods thoughtfully. “And yes, you must be quite busy. But Magnus doesn’t mind?”

“He knows it’s important to me.” Alec shrugs lightly. “He supports me.”

“Of course he does.” Asmodeus agrees. “But do you think you’re enough for him?”

Alec is actually taken aback at the question.

“What?” He asks in a lower tone.

“You’re ambitious.” The other man begins. “I admire that, I do. But you’re still so young. Maybe you should put some thought into your future. Is your career more important to you, than Magnus?”

“Of course not-“ Alec tries, but Asmodeus doesn’t let him speak.

“So you think Magnus deserves that? Shouldn’t he be your priority then? And with you being so busy all the time… Doesn’t he feel like you’re never there for him?”

Alec is ready to deny, but what if this is how Magnus actually feels. Is he not there for him enough? They’re both busy now, but Alec is being supportive too. It’s not selfish of him to focus on his future work sometimes.

“I just want the best for my son.” Asmodeus carries on in a casual tone. “So, maybe you should rethink your priorities, Alexander. Because my son deserves someone who will be devoted to him one hundred percent, who’s life is settled, someone to build a future with, and you… Well, you’re young and undecided.”

Magnus deserves the best, Alec knows it for sure. And he’s aware that he’s put him through some hard shit with his mental health issues, so Asmodeus might be right. He’s not a stable person, with him the future is never sure. He can’t predict when he’s going to have another breakdown, can’t predict what’s gonna trigger it. It must feel like a lottery with him.

But he also knows that Magnus does want a future with him. He said it himself, and he knows Alec, so he must be aware of the ups and downs of being together with him, has been through the last year.

Asmodeus doesn’t know Magnus as he does. There may be some part of the fatherly instinct in it, but it doesn’t change the fact, that he’s just showed up in his life, and has no idea what’s the best for Magnus. Only Magnus can decide for himself, and he did choose Alec.

“I’m sorry, but I don’t think you actually know what’s best for Magnus.” Alec beings to speak, not really caring about the harsh tone of his voice. “Besides, he’s his own person and can decide for himself, you can’t change that. And I understand that you’re his father, but you’ve literally just shown up in his life, so you have no right to judge either our relationship or me.”

When he finishes, Asmodeus is looking at him with a sly smirk.

“All I’m saying is that one day it might come a to choice. And even if you claim to love Magnus so much, he might choose someone who’s going to be there for him, just when he needs it. You, Alexander, may not be his first choice one day.”

Alec frowns, not being able to fully decipher this weird sort of metaphor full of what-ifs, but before he can make something out of it, Magnus returns to their table. Asmodeus’ face immediately falls into a pleasant smile, not the devilish smirk from before, and Alec one more time realises, that there’s something bad in this man.

“Sorry, she just needed some advice.” Magnus resorts and hides his phone back in his pocket. “Everything okay?” He asks and looks from Alec to his father.

“Everything’s great. We’ve just been talking about the future with Alexander, right?” Asmodeus replies with a smile and Alec nods, but can fully mirror the expression.

“You’re sure everything is alright?” Magnus asks him in a lower tone, but Alec just nods, not sure if he’s convincing more Magnus or himself.

“I’m fine.”

His mind isn’t really present in any following conversations for the rest of the evening.

On their way home, both of them are engrossed in their thoughts. Well, maybe Alec is a bit more since he has to ask Magnus to repeat what he’s been saying about three times. He doesn’t seem to mind though. He seems excited now and content that the meeting went well and that Alec and Asmodeus are on great terms.

Alec hasn’t brought up his worries yet, he doesn’t want Magnus’ cheerful expression and good mood to crumble.

After Magnus returned from his phone call, Asmodeus turned back to his best form, put on his finest smile and kept the conversation as if he didn’t just try to undermine Alec’s love for Magnus a few seconds ago, by attempting to bring Alec’s insecurities back from where he’s managed to bury them.

It’s not only about the things he said. It’s about the tone he used, how sure he seems to know both of Magnus and Alec, despite knowing them for such a small amount of time. It’s about how Alec saw he was just trying to make him blow, how he was searching for Alec’s weakest spots, looking for a way to break him with that sly smirk.

It feels like Asmodeus assumed at the beginning, that he’s not going to like him. And it sucks because even with being his awkward and shy self, Alec knows that he’s a good man. It took a lot of convincing, but now he also knows, that he’s the one Magnus wants, and he hated how Asmodeus tried to convince him, that it might not be the truth. Alec tries to hold onto Magnus’ words, his reassurances, but can’t help the growing bile of anxiety in his chest, because what if some part of what Asmodeus said was true? What if he and Magnus talked about this kind of stuff? What if it was a way to indicate that he is indeed neglecting his boyfriend? What if these are Magnus’ concerns, but he’s too scared to bring them up with Alec himself?

_ What if, what if, what if… _

Alec sighs heavily when they enter their apartment. It’s late, so without any words, both of them begin to move to the bedroom. Maybe everything will feel better by the morning, Alec hopes.

He sits down on the bed as they enter there room and runs a hand over his face, trying to stop the thoughts from raging in his head. It doesn’t help a lot, and only when he hears the sound of his name, he realises Magnus has been talking to him.

His boyfriend stands by the closet, sliding his jacket over his shoulder, clearly about to get ready to sleep, but now he stops his task and eyes, Alec with a concerned look, as if only taking in his expression for the first time this evening.

“Sorry, what did you say?” Alec asks, shaking his head again.

“I said it was nice, right?” Magnus repeats and Alec nods for the lack of any words.

He doesn’t want to be that kind of a boyfriend who comes whining to Magnus only because his father doesn’t seem to like him. Asmodeus has a right to, but the thing is, he doesn’t really know him, so he can’t judge so fast. Alec tries not to, even though Asmodeus left a hostile impression on him, he’s still willing to give him a chance, but it feels like a lost cause since he already decided that Alec’s not enough for his son.

“Alexander,” Magnus’ voice brings him back again as he seems to wander off through his thoughts once more. “What is it? You basically haven’t said a word the whole way home.” Magnus takes a seat next to him on the bed and rests his hand on his thigh lightly. “What’s going on? You didn’t like him? You know I don’t want you to lie to me-“

“No, it’s not that. It’s just…” Alec tries, but can’t find the right words to describe everything he feels. He crosses his legs as he sits on the bed as if trying to close himself off again and brace for the impact of what he’s about to say. Magnus’ palm is still delicately resting on his leg. His boyfriend looks at him with a questioning expression but doesn’t really push him to say anything.

The fact is, that Alec expected something totally different. Someone totally different. Because the man he met today doesn’t sound like the one Magnus had been describing him for the last few days. Magnus told him about how open his father is, that they promised there will be no secrets between them, how loving and caring he’s been about his work situation, asking if he could somehow help.

But what Alec saw, was a man full of secrets and falsehood. Someone who hides a lot, who even if offers help, always wants something in return.

Someone, who always gets what he wants, at any price.

He may be reading too much into it, but this is what he feels. And he doesn’t like it in the slightest.

When Alec looks back at Magnus, he still patiently waits for an answer.

“Am I enough for you?” The words come out of his mouth before he really gets to think them through. The question has been weighing on his lips as soon as he heard tonight, that he might be not. He wouldn’t be able to take it. He’s almost sure about the answer. Almost, being the operative word, because Asmodeus has planted a seed of doubt in him, and he hates how much it affects him.

Magnus’ eyes widen a bit as the question escapes his lips and he leans back a little in shock like he’s just been slapped.

“What prompted this question? Of course, you are! You are way more than enough, angel.” Magnus replies immediately, not able to hide the tremor in his voice. Alec bites his lip and nods, resisting to let out a relieved breath because he’s been so stupid to ever doubt what Magnus’ answer is. “Did my father say something?” Magnus asks then, running his hands up and down Alec’s thighs soothingly.

“No, I-“ _ Don’t lie, Alec, it’s never good_. “It’s just… I’m young and I don’t really know how the future will unfold, so I wouldn’t blame you if you wanted someone who’s kind of more settled-“ Alec looks down as he speaks. He smartly avoids answering Magnus’ actual question and hopes it’ll get forgotten.

Before he gets to say anything more, Magnus is cupping his face and makes him look up at him. Alec’s eyes try to run away at first, but he knows there’s nowhere to go, so he focuses his sight on Magnus’ face in the end.

“I’ll never want anyone else. Ever, alright?” Magnus says seriously. Alec rarely gets to hear him so serious that he nearly flinches at the tone of his voice. “Darling, I don’t care about what the future holds, as long as you’ll be by my side. That’s all I need, okay?” He sweeps his thumbs along Alec’s cheeks and he finds himself nodding. He feels the same. Shit may be happening, but having Magnus with him makes everything bearable, he’s already experienced it. “Look, whatever my father said that prompted all of these insecure thoughts, I’ll speak to him to be more considerate, okay? He doesn’t get to scare you away like that with some big future plans.”

“No, Magnus. It’s fine-“ Alec tries because now as he has the reassurance he craved so much from Magnus, everything feels better and even Asmodeus doesn’t seem so bad. Besides, it will make Magnus’ father see how weak Alec is and that’s not something he wants.

“No, Alexander, it’s not fine. He doesn’t get to talk shit to you, he doesn’t know you.”

Exactly, he doesn’t know him. He doesn’t know how the anxiety tends to overwhelm him only because of a few simple words. And he can’t know, because he’ll use it against him the next time, Alec’s sure of it.

“I should have probably talked to him before you two met. Tell him to go easy on you, but it seems I had no idea how protective he can get. So, I’m sorry-“

“Magnus it’s okay. It’s not like I’m gonna break because he said some unpleasant stuff-“

“Of course not, but I hate that he’s ever made you doubt how important you are to me and how much I care for you.” Magnus resorts sternly. “Because that’s a whole lot, okay. I love you more than anyone in the world, remember? And nothing, no matter what he or anyone ever says, nothing will change that, alright?”

Alec nods again, feeling his eyes becoming wet, because of such devotion Magnus says these words with. He feels every doubt and insecurity fly out of the window, out of his mind. He feels stupid that they were there in the first place, but his mind has always been an odd place.

Magnus smiles at him and leans in to peck him on the lips softly. Alec finds himself smiling back.

“I love you so much.” He says against his lips. “And I’m sorry, I think I just got caught up in my own head and-“

“Darling, there’s no need to apologize, I’m always here to reassure you about anything. So if you’re ever feeling distressed about something, just tell me. We’ll figure it out.” Magnus states and caresses his cheeks again.

“Okay, thank you.” Alec exhales as they rest their foreheads together, feeling some tension rolling off of him.

“Always,” Magnus replies and kisses him again.

They keep their lips pressed together, as Magnus gently pushes him back so he lays down on the bed, with him on top of him. Alec relaxes even more under the comforting weight. Magnus tugs at his shirt lightly to slide his hand underneath the fabric and feel his skin, making Alec release a soft gasp.

“If you let me, I can show you just how much I care for you.” Magnus breaks their kiss but doesn’t move an inch. Only guiding his hand further and lifting up his shirt in the process. Alec smiles as he nods and then again feels Magnus’ lips on his.

Soon, all of his thoughts seem to fly out of the window. At least for a while.

He doesn’t find time to bring up the rest of his worries to Magnus.

Alec knows they should talk more, but he can’t deny how much he craved the intimacy with Magnus last night. The skin on skin contact, even more reassurance whispered to his ear at the moments when pleasure was running in his veins. He got lost in the best way and it felt like they both needed it at some point. Before falling asleep, Alec promised himself he’ll speak to Magnus as soon as they wake up.

He didn’t expect them to actually oversleep, which resolved in him barely making it in time for classes.

He’ll talk to Magnus when he gets home tonight. This time, there are no more excuses.

The message comes after his third lecture for the day when he’s carefully strolling through the campus to get to the right classroom.

_ Message received: Josh _

_ Could we talk today? Are you free? _

Alec actually stops in his tracks and rereads the text one more time to make sure he sees right. He basically lost all the hope for Josh getting back to him about this. He assumed that the man decided to drop out and was just too scared to tell Alec he’s backing out. But now…

Well, Alec is ready to get some justice. Both for himself and Josh.

Lydia is sick and suffering at home, which she informed him about this morning, so it’s just him. But he can't put it away. He has to know today because Josh still has the right to decline to do anything. He may be just polite enough to tell Alec about this in person.

_ Message sent: Josh _

_ Sure, I’m free after 4, if you are. _

He doesn’t need to wait long for the response.

_ Message received: Josh _

_ Works for me. Same place as the last time? _

Alec types a quick agreement and slides his phone back into his pocket, releasing a slow exhale. He should inform Lydia about this, but first thing, he should inform Magnus.

Which isn’t something he’s looking forward too.

He could just send a text, but then he won’t get Magnus’ reaction, which he only assumes won’t be too great. Text messages can be deceiving. So he decides that it will be the safest to call.

Not hesitating anymore, he pulls out his phone again and dials the number.

“Hello angel, how are you doing?” Magnus’ soft voice sounds through the phone, he picks up almost immediately.

“I’m good,” Alec replies, trying for his voice not to show that he’s got some not too pleasant, at least for Magnus, news to share. “I’m just calling to say… I won’t be home right after classes.” He says and bites his lip, even though Magnus can’t see it.

“Alright, thank you for letting me know.” There’s something warier in his tone now. He must have already realised that there’s something more to it. “Where are you headed?”

“I’m meeting Josh.”

Blunt, and without further ado. Like ripping the plaster off.

Magnus is silent for a few moments that feel way longer than they actually last.

“He decided?” Comes after and Alec nods but then realises Magnus can’t see this answer, so he speaks.

“That’s what I’m about to find out. He texted me to meet.” He states and receives another silent second in answer. Then comes a heavy exhale and he’s pretty sure Magnus is shaking his head.

“Okay…” He trails off. He sounds resigned, but Alec tries to blame it on the tiredness he must be feeling because of work. “Just let me know how it goes, alright? Do you need me to pick you up after?”

It’s Alec’s turn to remain quiet for a bit. He expected Magnus to put up a bit more of a fight. Some fight at all, but it seems that his boyfriend really took their last conversation about this to his heart. _ No more fights_, and that’s exactly how it goes now.

When Alec actually registers Magnus’ question, he finally answers.

“I’m not sure how long it will take.” He says. “I’ll head back on my own. Don’t worry.”

“You know I will.” Magnus releases another dense exhale. “Let me know if you change your mind. And be careful. I love you, darling.”

“Thank you. I love you too.” Alec replies and they hang up after that.

Two more classes to go, then he’s about to face something much more difficult than law school.

Josh is the first one to arrive this time. Alec spots him almost immediately, sitting at a small table near the window in the coffee shop. As he approaches, he can see how tired the man looks. There are dark bags under his copper-coloured eyes, his hair is a mess of dark, brown curls. His glasses are hanging loosely on his nose. He’s wearing a purple jumper and a pair of jeans. Alec notices the slight trembling of his hands as he plays with the rim of his coffee cup.

“Hi” Alec greets softly as if not to startle him. Josh looks up at him as he takes a seat opposite him and tries to send him a smile, but it disappears as quickly as it pops out.

“Hey.” He replies quietly and then silence falls around them for a few moments. Alec can see how Josh is bracing him as if wanting to say something, but not quite being able to, so he decides to start.

“So, have you thought it through?” He prompts lightly and sees Josh nod, but it still takes him a while to actually answer.

“I have.” He lets out a shuttering breath. “I want to do this.” He nods to himself as if realising the weight of his words.

“Are you sure?” Alec still asks, but there’s already a whole plan forming in his brain.

“I am,” Josh answers, a bit more confidently now. “And please, don’t ask me again, because it’ll make me feel like I should rethink it. And I kept you in the dark for way too long anyway.” He adds with a bit of a sad sounding chuckle.

“That’s okay,” Alec assures. “I get it. It’s a difficult decision to make.”

“It was, but I’m sure now,” Josh admits and confirms one more time. “I’ve been thinking a lot. I talked about it to Lily again… Yeah, he needs to get what he deserves. And it might save some people for making a terrible mistake.”

Alec nods at his words and takes a moment to let his words sink in.

They’re really doing this. And it might turn out to be hard as fuck. But now, since he’s got permission to proceed, he’s not going to rest until Raj ends up where he belongs.

“Okay,” Alec says slowly and when Josh’s sight returns to him, he notices that now he looks a lot more nervous than before. His hands still shaking, probably even harder than before. “do you want to discuss the steps we have to take now? Of course, there is no rush just… Are you okay?” He asks as the man in front of him basically trembles.

“I…” Josh starts but bites his lip. Opens and closes his mouth a few times, before he tries again. “I have to tell you something. This… case… it’s way more complicated than it might have seemed.”

Alec frowns, but then realises that he doesn’t really know anything about this case. He knows that Lydia told him, and she didn’t have any precise information. A beating up on the campus, probably covered up but the authorities there. Alec is aware that it will require talking about this, but he didn’t want to start it, to push about the details from the start, because he knows how painful and terrible reliving those moments must be.

But just as he told Josh the last time, this whole thing will require talking about this. Josh had been through it, the least Alec can do, is listen to his story.

“You can tell me.” He says with a small nod. “If you’re ready and if you want to, I will listen. I won’t lie, you’ll have to talk about it at some point, but if it would make you feel even a bit more comfortable, you can tell me now.” He assures.

Josh exhales heavily, but then nods, maybe even relaxing a bit.

“I want to tell you now. I know I'll have to anyway, at some point…” He mutters, kind of more to himself, but Alec nods anyway. “So I…, it’s…” He struggles at the beginning.

“Hey, it’s okay.” Alec encourages lightly. “Just start from the beginning, there’s no rush.” He reminds him and Josh nods one more time, taking a few deep breathes to compose himself.

Alec knows what Magnus would say now, and Izzy and Jace would agree: _ it’s not good for you to listen to this, you’re putting your health at risk. _ And maybe he is, but right now, he sees a suffering man in front of him, and if he’s willing to share his story, Alec just has to listen.

“So we… it started as a normal evening. I mean I had late classes and then had to catch up on something, so I stayed even longer. I totally forgot he was supposed to be waiting for me after classes… It was mental back then, with exams and stuff…” He trails off and Alec nods to say that he understands. “So when I eventually got out of the class, he got mad. And it wasn’t really nothing more back then. He was always mad about every little thing that didn’t go his way. He made a scene. Started yelling at me, accusing me of not being there for him and always messing everything up. I tried to calm him down, but he just grabbed my arm and started walking me down to our dorm room. We were roommates, that’s actually how it all started.” Josh adds in digression. “But I saw how riled up he was and I knew what was coming, so I told him that I’m going to spend the night in Lily’s room and tried to break away from his grip. He got even more mad. That’s when the first hit came.” Josh’s eyes seem fogged now, like he’s back at this place, at the exact same time. He touches his arm and rubs it, probably at the same place that Raj grabbed him that night. Alec recalls doing that thing too, especially when he told Izzy and Jace about that one night at his apartment. He found himself rubbing at his wrists unconsciously.

Josh takes a break then, bracing himself for the rest of the story. Alec waits patiently, he doesn’t say anything, lets him have all the time he needs.

“It was late, everybody was already back in their dorms. I don’t know why, maybe because I wanted to get to Lily’s, but he hit harder than ever that night. And not only the places that you can hide, you know? He hit me in the face, my stomach… He was basically dragging me to the room, I could barely walk… I begged him to stop, said that he was hurting me, but it was like he was in some trance and just kept hitting.” He pauses to let out another trembling exhale. Alec is just about to ask him if he wants to stop, but then he continues. “But it wasn’t the end.” His voice breaks now, and Alec is not sure if he can handle what’s to come, but he doesn’t ask him to stop. “When we got to our room… He-, I… I told him I didn’t want to but… He didn’t stop when I begged-“ He breaks out into a sob, and Alec dreads to question he’s about to ask, but he needs to know for sure.

“Josh,” He starts carefully when the man has taken a few breaths to calm himself down. He sniffles as he looks back at Alec, trying to wipe at the few stray tears that escaped his eyes. “Did he… Josh, did he rape you?”

Josh nods and hides his face in his hand. Alec slumps down in his chair and this time he releases a shivering breath, feeling tears welling up in his eyes.

It’s quiet now, expect the sounds of Josh’s heavy breaths, Alec can only hear his one raging heartbeat.

It’s way worse than he thought.

Alec closes his eyes and tries to compose himself. What this man has been through… Alec can’t even imagine the pain. It’s so awful, terrible and disgusting. He feels like he might throw up, but he exhales and inhales slowly to stop the wave of nausea. But he still doesn’t know what to say. There are no words to make it better.

Josh is looking out of the window now, his empty eyes following the strangers passing by the café. He seems a bit more composed after a while. Alec doesn’t want to ask him to continue, but to his surprise, he does.

“I sneaked out after he fell asleep.” His sight remains focused on the street outside. “I went to Lily’s and… and basically broke down and told her everything. After telling her I… I don’t know, it all feels so blurry. She wanted to get me to a hospital, but I refused… So she treated all the wounds she could and we drove to her sister’s apartment in Queens. She said that he’d know where to look for me when he wakes up, so she took me away from the campus. She tried to convince me to go to the police and stuff, but… I just couldn’t. I was embarrassed and ashamed.”

“Hey, none of this was your fault. It’s him who should be ashamed.” Alec says when he pauses because he feels like he has to remind him.

“I know that now.” Josh nods. “But back then… I thought it was my fault because I messed up and…” He trails off, but Alec nods. He knows the feeling too well. “Anyway, Lily managed to convince me to at least report it to the college’s authorities, because she wouldn’t stand it if I was to be around him after what he did. I didn’t want to see him ever again, so I agreed. We went and… I should have expected that, ‘cause his father is on the board and stuff… I told them everything. I’m not even sure if they believed me, but I mean I was all beaten up so… They wanted to call my parents, but I… I wasn’t out to them back then. I told the dean I would take this to the police, but he said that if I did, they’d tell my parents. I knew they would stop sending me money for tuition if they found out, they would never accept me. I couldn’t… They offered me a deal instead. His father did because he wanted to protect his son I guess. They would offer me a scholarship and transfer him from NYU. I was not to speak about it to anyone, or I’d be removed from the university immediately and my parents would find out. And I… I was scared and hurt, so I accepted it. I just thought I’d be able to get over it soon. I wouldn’t see him anymore, I’d still get to study… Lily wasn’t pleased, but in the end, she said that it’s my choice. But she was right. I regret what I did. I should have just… I never forgot. It haunts me basically every day, I just can’t-“ His voice breaks again.

“It’s okay.” Alec says quietly and nods, Josh mirroring his gesture after a while. Then, after a moment of silence, he speaks again.

“I know this isn’t what you signed up for. I know I should have told you from the start when I said that I’m considering it, but-“

“Josh, it’s fine.” Alec interrupts gently. “I admit, it changes some things, but… we can handle it.”

He’s not sure of his words, but he’s sure he’ll try his damn hardest to win this case in the court.

But he will need help.

Not just in the aspect that it’s big. Too big for him to handle, that’s for sure. A beating case turned into a rape case, and there’s also the thing about suing NYU’s authorities, who are responsible for covering it up and bullying the victim.

It’s freaking huge and freaking serious. And he’s just a law student, he can’t actually represent Josh in the court and it’s probably the time to bring it out to him.

“I understand, if you want to back out-“ Josh tries, but Alec shakes his head.

“No.” He states firmly. “I promised to help you, and I will. He’s gonna get what he deserves, okay? But the thing is… I’m still a law student, and there are only a few certain circumstances when someone like me could actually represent you in the court. So I do think we should get a proper lawyer. Don’t get me wrong, I can be on this case with whatever lawyer you’ll choose, I meant that I want to help.”

Maybe they could walk around the rules somehow, but it’s too much to risk for Alec and his future career if he went to court without proper qualification.

Josh looks at him with a little frown and exhales heavily. He seems almost embarrassed as he speaks again.

“That’s the things, I… I don’t actually have money for a lawyer. After I finally decided to come out to my parents they caught me off. I have a scholarship now, but I’m still barely keeping it together…”

“Okay,” Alec interrupts him carefully. He thinks for a seconds before an idea forms in his mind. “it’s fine. I might have an idea on how we can plan it out. I’m on an internship at this law firm, so I’ll ask around if they could take you on as a pro bono case. And if not… then I’ll figure something out, leave this to me, okay?”

“I can’t possibly ask you to risk your job for me-“ Josh starts, almost mortified by this idea.

Well, there’s also another solution, but Alec would prefer not to go there.

“Don’t worry about it. I promised to help, right? So that’s what I’m doing. I’ll get you a lawyer and then we can start proper preparations for the trail.” He resorts and after a while, Josh finally gives him an affirmative nod.

“Okay.” Josh exhales. “Thank you. For listening and for helping.”

Alec nods and sends him a small smile. He’s got a lot of thinking to do, but right now, he has to focus on the task at hand. This case hits him personally, that’s a fact, but he’s going to be a lawyer, and he’ll have to deal with this kind of stuff on a daily basis. He has to learn to switch off some parts of his emotions.

“Alright,” He starts after a moment they both take to settle. “Do you want to talk about the next steps now? I understand if you’ve had enough for today-“

“No, I do want to discuss what’s next,” Josh states with an eager nod. “I do.”

It’s going to be a long way, but Alec hopes there’s victory at the end of it.

It hits him when he gets home.

He had been talking to Josh for a good few hours to tell him what actions he’s supposed to take now, then going through it again to make sure he understands. He’s always free to call Alec, whenever he has any questions and concerns. Alec made sure that he has some support around him, also asking for his friend’s Lily’s number, just in case. When they finally part ways, establishing to meet next week and discuss more stuff, Alec realises how incredibly tired and emotionally drained he feels. And it’s only the beginning.

When the door to the loft closes behind him, he just leans against them, tips his head up and closes his eyes.

It was a fucking hard meeting.

He won’t hide that it was rough to listen to Josh’s story. He could picture it so vividly, he came close to this kind of situation with Raj… but it was never that bad. Josh is so freaking brave to decide to do this. He can’t even imagine…

It’s just so fucking unfair.

Alec slides down the door until he lands on the floor and realises that tears are streaming down his face.

“Darling, are you-“ Magnus’ voice reaches him, but he hides his face in his palms and shakes his head. Fuck, he needs to let it out. “What happened? Are you okay?” Magnus is very much closer now and Alec feels his hands on his body as if trying to soothe away any pain. “Angel, what’s going on, come on talk to me?”

Somehow Magnus manages to unclench his face from his hands and he sweeps Alec’s hair from his face, running his fingers through it soothingly, making soft, comforting noises, trying for him to calm down.

“Shh, I’m here, love. You can tell me.”

“This is so unfair, Magnus.” He wails, and Magnus crouches down even closer to him, embracing him.

“What is, darling?” He tries softly.

“Josh he-,” Alec cuts off as a sob overcomes him. “It’s so much worse, Magnus. He hurt him badly and I-, it could have been me, Magnus. I should have stopped him, I should have done something.” He starts to breathe hard, almost chocking when he realises that not enough air is getting into his lungs.

“Darling, look at me.” Magnus’s voice sounds distant like he is underwater. He takes Alec’s face in between his palms and urges him to look at him. “Breathe with me, love. Calm down.”

Alec tries and realises he can’t. Which only makes him panic more.

_ A freaking panic attack_.

“Slowly, angel. Inhale while I count to four.” Magnus instructs and Alec follows. “That’s it. Hold it till I say seven.” He counts again and then Alec slowly releases the air. “Good. Now one more time, you’re doing so great, darling.”

They go again, and again, till he feels that he can breathe and collapses onto Magnus’ chest. Feeling his fingers combing through his hair.

He doesn’t say sorry. He knows it’s not his fault and Magnus would tell him the exact same thing.

Instead, he hugs his boyfriend tighter. Magnus doesn’t ask, not yet. But Alec knows he will, and he knows he’ll tell him because he promised himself he’ll always be honest with him.

But for now, he just needs to breathe. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Share all of your thoughts and opinions in the comments below, I always love to hear them. So we're getting a bit deeper into Josh's case... not sure if it's good or bad, right? Alec seems eager, but is he really ready to take on something like this? What do you think about Asmodeus' behaviour towards Alec? Do you think they'll get along? Let me know what you think and I'll see you next week!


	14. The Banquet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The banquet for Idris Organisation takes a bit of a different turn than everyone expected...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!  
So, today's chapter was actually one of my favourites to write. We're going to get almost the whole gang together, some news gets revealed, some protective siblings appear, some mystery is served... And we might not end on a happy note today. Find out yourself... 
> 
> Enjoy the read!

Magnus listens as Alec recounts his talk with Josh.

He listens, more horrified with every second.

When they get to the end, his thoughts are all over the place, because… this wasn’t something he was expecting to hear. He was worried when Alec told him that he’s meeting with Josh, but he didn’t even think his boyfriend was just about to listen about such terrible things.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this.

It’s even worse because he got to see how much it affects Alec when he came back home, basically with a panic attack.

They’re sitting on the couch now. When Alec calmed down enough, Magnus led him there, make them a cup of tea and waited till his boyfriend was settled enough to tell him what exactly happened. Magnus was ready to hear horrible things, but nothing really could prepare him for what he’s heard.

This kind of pieces of shit like Raj shouldn’t ever be allowed to walk the Earth.

“Fuck…” Magnus resorts eloquently when Alec’s eventually done. His boyfriend just nods, eyes fixed on some spot between them, fingers nervously scrapping over the ceramic cup that he holds tightly in his palms. “Alexander…” Magnus tries for his voice not to stutter. He swallows thickly but picks back up when Alec’s eyes focus on him. “Are you still sure you want to do this?”

“Magnus…” The name sounds as more of an exhale when Alec speaks.

“Darling, it’s just…” Magnus pauses to find the right words, his lips forming into a thin line. “It isn’t what you signed up for. It’s way more serious and complicated. Nobody will blame you-“

“I promised to help and I will, Magnus.” Alec cuts him off sternly, with some new determination in his tone. “Besides, I won’t be alone. I can’t lead a case all by myself, I don’t have a license yet.”

“So what are you going to do then?” Magnus asks. This whole thing is just so confusing and he doesn’t know shit about the law. But somehow, the thought of Alec not diving into this alone makes him feel a tiny bit better. He knows that Lydia would be by his side too, but it’s always better for more support.

“I’ll talk to Starkweather,” Alec replies with a sigh. “Maybe we could take it as a pro bono case? Josh is kind of short of money… and if that won’t go well then I… I could always speak to mom.”

Magnus’ eyes widen a bit in surprise, but Alec doesn’t comment on it.

Maryse doesn’t know anything about Alec’s last relationship and Magnus can only imagine the explaining Alec would have to do if she decided to help him with this case. But he can’t also deny that it could be good for Alec to come clean about this to his mom. But it could also break down Maryse…

“I’ll ask Starkweather on Monday.” Alec resorts after a while. “And now, can we just… I don’t want to talk about this anymore. I’m tired, can we drop it?”

“Alec, I don’t think we can just drop it.” Magnus tries gently. “It clearly isn’t a good idea for you to do this.” He can’t help but voice his worries. “You just came home and had a panic attack, if this isn't good enough of a reason-“

“It was a shock today, okay? It won’t happen again.” Alec deflects. “I know you don’t support this idea, but it’s my choice, we talked about this.”

“Yes, but I…” Magnus exhales shakily. “I hate to see you like this, Alexander. So… vulnerable and in pain, I can’t stand it-“

“Magnus,” Alec puts his cup of tea down on the coffee table and snuggles closer to him, taking his face in between his palms. “I’ll be fine.” He convinces and smiles a little, but Magnus doesn’t feel persuaded. “Today was a slip-up because I didn’t know what to expect. Now I know everything I have to know. I have to process that and then when I dig into work… I’ll be more focused on legal matters. The worst part was getting to know the story, not that it’s done… I’ll be fine.”

“And what when you’ll eventually have to face Raj in the court, at the trial?” Magnus can’t help but ask. He knows that even if Alec won’t be the representing lawyer for this case, he will attend the hearings otherwise.

“I’ll handle it,” Alec states with much more confidence that Magnus would ever suspect him of. But it doesn’t feel fake. “I’m not scared of him anymore.” He shrugs.

He may say it now, but when it eventually comes to this…

“Trust me, please,” Alec says then, his eyes almost pleading. “I just… I need you on this with me, Magnus, because I won’t stand it if you hold this against me-“

“I would never, love.” Magnus cuts in and caresses his palms, that are still resting on his face. “I need to get used to this idea, but as I told you, I support you. I believe you can do this, but… just please be careful, you never know what the people on Raj’s side might have in store.”

“I have to be ready for everything, I know,” Alec admits, but his eyes stay sharp. “I just want him to get what he deserves.”

“I know.” Magnus takes one of his hands and laces their fingers. “I’m here if you need to talk about this, about anything. Fuck the confidentiality rules.”

Alec chuckles lightly at that and Magnus finds himself smiling too.

It’s far from perfect, but he knows that the best he gets, for Alec to be open about this, not to hide and bottle things up. It could destroy him.

He decides he can allow one slip-up. Alec is right, today was a shock. But if ever again he comes home one the verge of a panic attack, or starts to crawl back into depression, Magnus won’t hesitate to make him stop and drop this case. His health is the most important.

“Okay…” Alec leans back on the couch. “Ready to drop it now?” He smiles a bit.

“For now.” Magnus points an accusatory finger at him playfully. “This isn’t the last conversation we’re having about this.” He resorts and Alec nods but decides only to lean onto Magnus’ chest and hug him.

Magnus lets him. He’ll let him have everything he needs. Even if it’s something as simple as this.

The next time he meets his father a few days later, he tries to put his thoughts in place.

First, he’s worried about Alec more than in a while because of the Raj case. They don’t bring it up much the next few days, and Alec does appear to be better. But again, Magnus’ mind can’t let go of the possible image of him and Raj crossing paths. It feels even scarier now since he knows what Raj had done.

Second, he didn’t forget about Alec’s words about his father. He doesn’t know exactly what Asmodeus might have said to his boyfriend, that it made him feel anxious and insecure, but he has to let his father know, that he has no right to do such thing. Alec is and will remain the most important person in his life. Asmodeus might not like him, he has a right to, although Magnus has no idea why he would, Alec was very polite, even if a bit tense during their meeting, but he didn’t do anything wrong. So even if his father dislikes Alec, he still has to respect him, because he’s not going anywhere. Magnus is not letting him go.

“So, what do you think about Alec?” Magnus prompts casually over their lunch. His father takes a few moments to think and he hums thoughtfully before answering.

“Well, I was expecting someone kind of, how should I put it, different.” He settles for that and Magnus frowns.

“Different how?”

“Oh, I just mean… he’s young and may not have his priorities set straight yet. I just hope he takes you seriously.” Asmodeus replies and gets back to his food.

“Of course he does. We wouldn’t be in a relationship that has lasted a year if he didn’t.” Magnus defends.

Asmodeus just shrugs but seems to let it go for a moment.

“Also, he got very defensive with me.” His father starts later, to which Magnus sends him another confused gaze. “Yeah, I just asked about his plans about the future with you and he started with how I don’t know him and have no right to judge him.”

“What exactly did you say?” Magnus asks, still frowning.

“Nothing bad, I promise. Basically just asked, that’s all.” Asmodeus says dismissively.

“Are you sure?” Magnus inquires. “Because… well, Alec doesn’t like to think about the future too much. We just live in the here and now.” He resorts.

“Well, he may take some things too personally, I’ll give you that,” Asmodeus admits. “Probably a result of his inexperience. Are you sure he’s right for you?”

“I’ve never been surer of anything in my life.” Magnus answers without skipping a beat.

“Alright,” His father states. “I just want the best for you son, but as I told you from the start, I have no right in to tell you who you should love.”

Magnus takes in his words with a slow nod. Asmodeus kind of got around with answering his question. He didn’t explicitly say that he doesn’t like Alec. He probably just needs a bit more time to get convinced to him. They met only once for now, Magnus resorts. It’s all gonna be fine and not everything is lost.

“Father just…” Magnus begins after a moment and Asmodeus turns his attention back to him. “Please, just be a little bit more considerate when it comes to Alec. He tends to get… vulnerable.” Magnus can’t find another word to describe it without giving away too much.

“Son, he might be young, but he is not a child. Life won’t go easy on him, he’s not always going to be cuddled up-“ Asmodeus says sternly.

“I know I just… I’m trying to protect him.” Magnus resorts to which his father sends him an unimpressed look. “He’s been through a lot of hard stuff, okay? So if I have an impact on something I’m going to try to make it the easiest I can for him, because I love him. And just like you said, life won’t go easy on him so, please… just think some things through before you say them, okay?”

“Fine,” Asmodeus replies reluctantly. “It wasn’t my intention to make him doubt anything. I just didn’t know he was that soft.”

Magnus decides not to comment on that as he gets back to his food. Soon the conversation turns to more pleasant, casual subjects. They stay at the restaurant for a few more hours to catch up with everything and soon part ways, establishing to meet up sometime next week. Maybe with Alec, but Magnus leaves that up to him. He’ll ask when he gets home.

“What about our clothes for Saturday?” Alec asks some time on their way home. Magnus picked him up from school and they just planned a relaxing evening, that both of them are actually in the need of. But now Magnus gets startled at his question and feels a frown forming on his features.

“What’s on Saturday?” He shoots back and turns to look at his boyfriend when the light turns red.

“Are you serious?” Alec inquires, but Magnus just shrugs. “The banquet for Idris? We promised Luke and Clary we would be there.” He reminds him.

And hell, Magnus was sure he was forgetting something in the back of his mind. In his defence, the last few days were really crazy and he had more important things to worry about.

“Wait, you still want to go?” Magnus questions then, a bit taken aback. He was sure that after the emotional few days Alec has had, he’d like nothing more than a quiet weekend at home.

“Of course I do, why wouldn’t I?” Alec chuckles lightly at his questions.

“No, I just…” Magnus trails off with another shrug. “Nothing, I’m sorry. It must have slipped my mind.”

“That’s okay.” Alec lays his hand on top of Magnus’ on the stick shift and sends him a soft smile. “You’ve been busy.”

Well yeah, work is still being a bitch and he’s not talking to Raphael until he receives positive response for his request. The rest of the lab team is pissed off too. But Magnus is too tired to even think about it now.

“We can pick the clothes tomorrow.” Magnus states. Alec sends him a nod and turns back to look through the window. “How are you doing, darling?” Magnus asks then. Alec does appear a bit more absent than usual.

“Me? I’m fine.” He squeezes his hand. “Just thinking.”

“About what?” Magnus prompts with eyes focused on the road in front of them.

“Everything,” Alec replies on an exhale. “You were there when Luke was starting Idris, right?” He questions then, and even if Magnus is surprised at this topic, he answers.

“Yeah. I mean, I knew him already when started the process. It took a lot of work though. He really wanted for Jocelyn to see it all come together, but she died before everything was established.” He finishes in a lower tone and Alec nods, his expression unreadable.

“I’m sorry you had to quit volunteering because of me.” He says after a while and Magnus throws a somehow stern, but still a soft glare.

“Darling, I didn’t do it because of you-“ He tries, but Alec interrupts.

“If I wasn’t so depressed back then you wouldn’t have to take care of me and you'd still have time for it.”

“Angel, you are my priority. Of course, I had to take care of you.” Magnus resorts as if it was the simplest thing in the world. It is. “I wanted to.” He adds.

Alec just releases a heavy exhale, but nods. Even though he doesn’t look convinced of Magnus’ words.

“Hey, don’t feel bad about this. It wasn’t your fault.” Magnus reminds him one more time. “I love you, okay?”

“I love you too.” Alec replies and a hint of a smile is back on his face. “I don’t know how you put up with me sometimes.” He adds in more a teasing tone and Magnus can’t help but laugh warmly.

“I could say the same, darling.”

Magnus’ mind goes totally blank. All thoughts fly out of the window.

Just…  _ wow _ .

He’s aware that his boyfriend is the most beautiful person on the planet, sees proofs of it every day. But nothing could prepare him for the view of Alexander Lightwood in a tuxedo.

Magnus only saw Alec wearing more of formal clothing once, and it was his brother’s funeral, so he’d like not to get back to that. But right now Alec looks stunning. The tuxedo is a classic, black one because Alec didn’t let him pick out anything else. But it’s topped with a dark green bow tie that brings out Alec’s beautiful, hazel eyes. Magnus really can’t take his eyes off him and he just stands by the mirror in their bedroom with his hands frozen in the air on their way to put on his bow tie.

“How do I look?” Alec has the audacity to ask as if Magnus reaction didn’t speak for himself.

“Darling…” Magnus starts after he finally regains his ability to speak and to move. He steps closer to Alec, soothes his hands down the lapels of his jacket and smiles. “You look stunning.” He smiles and pecks him on the lips.

Alec releases something that sounds like a relieved breath, his cheeks turning into this beautiful shade of red, and Magnus can feel him relax a bit under his palms.

“You look amazing too.” Alec smiles and gently touches the skin around Magnus’ eyes which he topped with some glittery eyeliner. He decided on a cobalt blue tuxedo, paired with a black shirt. Nothing much over the top, but he couldn’t go with something too simple too. “Ready to go?” Alec questions and Magnus nods, quickly stepping back to the mirror and putting on the bow tie. Then he holds his hand out to Alec and his boyfriend gladly accepts it. Then they set on their way to leave the apartment.

The road doesn’t take long. Luke rented a venue in the Millennium Premier Hotel, which already looks impressive as he and Alec exit the cab. They move to enter and are shown the direction to the right hall by some staff members. The place is already packed when they arrive, and Magnus can feel Alec shift a bit closer to him. He’s aware that he’s boyfriend doesn’t feel comfortable in crowded places, but he’ll get used to it after some time, he always does. Magnus spots Luke with Clary and Maryse at the other end of the room and they both go to join them.

The ceiling of this place is decorated with beautiful, crystal chandeliers. There are lots of round tables set with white tablecloths and stunning sets of porcelain dishes. In front of them, there’s a small stage where a few of Clary’s paintings are already presenting themselves.

“My boys!” Maryse greets as soon as she notices them, first pulling Alec into a hug and then doing the same with Magnus. “How are you doing?”

Maryse is wearing a lovely, purple, shiny dress that almost reaches her ankles. The sleeves end around her elbows and there’s a small, subtle, v-shaped cleavage. Her hair is down, just the way Luke likes it the most, flowing down in cascades around her shoulders.

“We’re good,” Alec answers as he looks around, letting out a long exhale.

“You look beautiful, Maryse.” Magnus compliments, earning himself a smile from the woman. “You as well, biscuit.” He adds and moves to hug Clary. She’s wearing a green, tight-fitting short dress that matches her wild, red hair beautifully. She tied them into a messy bun on top of her head, just like the artist she is.

“Thank you,” Clary replies as she sinks into his embrace. “You guys look amazing too.”

“We don’t often get such occasions to make ourselves look so divine.” Magnus jokes lightly and the company around laughs. “Well, at least I don’t. Alexander always looks divine.” He drops a wink to his boyfriend, wrapping an arm around his waist. Alec shakes his head lightly as he blushes, but there’s a smile on his face.

“Our table is just out there.” Luke points to the table right in front of the stage. Magnus notices that his friend looks a bit nervous. Well, he can’t really blame him, it’s the biggest event that Idris has ever had and the most important too probably. “You can go and take a seat, I’ll join you in a minute, I have to make sure everything is ready.”

“I’m sure everything is going to be perfect.” Maryse says confidently, smiling up to Luke. Magnus spots that she’s got her arm looped around Luke’s and smiles at the gesture.

“Thanks, Luke. We’ll be fine.” Magnus assures and clasps his hand on his friend's shoulder in an encouraging gesture. Luke offers him a small, nervous smile and then disappears somewhere in the crowd. “Where’s your Lightwood?” Magnus asks Clary as they get seated.

“He had work today, but he’ll be here soon.” Clary chuckles as she answers.

“Izzy will probably be fashionably late.” Alec adds teasingly and the rest of the table laughs too. There are four more empty places at their table, waiting for Luke, Jace, Izzy and Simon to be filled by.

“She’s just texted me that she’s on her way with Simon,” Clary speaks, looking down on her phone. “You know Simon offered to bid a few of his signed EPs? That’s so nice of him. I mean, he might not be very famous yet, but he still has fans.”

“That’s very nice of him.” Magnus smiles at her. “Every penny counts, right?”

“Exactly.” Clary agrees. “I just hope people will buy at least a few of the paintings.” She adds more nervously, pulling a loose lock of her hair behind her ear and biting her lip as she looks around the room.

“Clary, of course, they will. You’re an astonishing artist.” Maryse assures her and squeezes her palm lightly.

Magnus enjoys the little, pleasant scene between the two women and smiles. The auction is set to begin soon, and people are still arriving in big waves, some of them already settled at the tables around them.

“Magnus,” Suddenly, Alec’s voice sounds from his left side, slightly alarmed. Magnus immediately turns to him and follows his line of sight to try to notice what might have made him panic, but he doesn’t spot anything unusual. He’s about to ask Alec what’s going on, but then he leans in and whispers, for the rest not to hear. “Your father is here.” He says and Magnus pulls back from him with widened eyes.

“Where?” He questions in a whisper.

“Three tables behind us. The one by the window.” Alec instructs and Magnus turns around to look. There indeed is Asmodeus, seated around at the table with some businessman looking types, dressed in an elegant suit, talking to one of the men. “They don’t know.” Is all Alec says and points with his head around their table.

And shit, they really don’t know.

Magnus promised Alec that they would tell his family, and they will, but with Alec taking the Raj case recently, it hasn’t been on top of Magnus’ priority list. But it might get a bit messy now. Maybe Asmodeus won’t notice him? Magnus prays.

“Maybe we should tell them?” Alec proposes, but Magnus shakes his head.

“Not now. You see how nervous Luke, Clary and your mom are. We can tell them after the auction.” He resorts.

“Alright, but you better do something, because he’s coming over here.” Alec says and when Magnus turns around in his chair, he spots his father walking towards him.

Fuck, it’s all too fast. He needs a plan. He needs to talk to his father first.

“I have to go talk to Izzy and Jace,” Alec tells him and points at the entrance, where his siblings and Simon have just appeared. “About Raj.” He details. “They deserve to know, I won’t be able to look them straight in the eye the whole evening if I have to hide it.”

“Okay.” Magnus exhales, thoughts running in his head again. His father is approaching, but luckily, he was stopped by some other man on his way.  _ Priorities Magnus _ . Alec, Alec always comes first. “Do you want me to go and talk to them with you?” He asks and takes Alec’s hand to give him some confidence.

“No, I can do it myself.” Alec shakes his head, his eyes settled on his siblings now. He lets out a shuttering exhales but looks back at Magnus. “You go handle your father, I’ll be fine.”

“Alright, I’ll be right back.” Magnus declares and squeezes his hand reassuringly as they both get up from their seats and sets on their courses to join their conversational partners.

Magnus takes a few remaining steps and then finds himself right in front of his father.

“Son,” Asmodeus opens his arms, but Magnus ignores the gesture. “What are you doing here?”

“I could ask you the same thing.” He fires back, but Asmodeus just frowns at him confusingly. Magnus rolls his eyes but begins to explain. “Remember the volunteering I did? It was here, at Idris Organisation. My friend, Luke, is the founder of it.”

“Oh, it explains so much.” Asmodeus nods understandingly and offers a smile.

“What about you?”

“Me? Oh, I recently made a rather huge donation to this organization and received an invitation to this lovely event. What a coincidence, right?” He resorts with a hint of a laugh in his voice. “Who are the people you are seated with? I think I saw Alexander there, but the rest-“

“It’s his family and some friends.” Magnus cuts in and then lowers his voice as he speaks. He probably should have from the start, but well shit, too late for that now. Fortunately, some loud chatter sounds around them. “Look, they don’t know about you. I mean, I haven’t told them I’ve reconciled with you-“

“So maybe you could introduce me, right?” Asmodeus prompts hopefully.

“I will,” Magnus promises and his father’s face lits up. “But after the auction, okay? Everyone is stressed about it and I don’t want to add up to it and confuse them. So could we just-“

“Act as we are strangers till the auction ends?” Asmodeus picks up, but he doesn’t look pleased with the idea, letting out a long sigh.

Magnus spots Alec as he looks around his shoulder, he’s talking with his siblings. Jace looks as if he’s about to blow up. Magnus decides he has to go and settle the situation.

“Alright I guess, but I’d really like to meet them. I hope you do see some future in our relationship and-“

“I do, father. I do.” Magnus assures quickly. “I promise, I’ll introduce you and we’ll explain everything. Some of them are really old friends so… You get what I mean.” He trails off. “Look, I need to go join Alexander now. I’ll come and get you after the auction.” He’s already walking backwards when he receives a nod from his father. He tries not to dwell on his not fond expression as he rushes to join Alec.

“You can’t be serious?” Magnus hears Jace’s voice as he approaches. It’s not exactly a yell, but close enough. He’s dressed in a classic tuxedo, similar to Alec’s, but he decided against any kind of tie, the first two buttons of his shirt are undone.

“Don’t make a scene.” Isabelle scowls at her brother, but she doesn’t appear to be relaxed too. She stands with her arms folded tightly on her chest. She has her hair down and is wearing a long, fitting, golden dress with straps and v-shaped cleavage. The dress reaches her ankles, but there’s a cut going for just below her hips to the floor, adding some flush to the attire. 

"You can’t possibly be okay with that!” Jace still sounds mad, but at least he’s keeping his voice down.

“Of course I’m not,” Isabelle replies in an equally quiet tone. “I just-“ When she notices Magnus her eyes turn to Alec in a silent question. Her older brother nods.

“Magnus knows everything.” He says and Magnus steps closer to him, wrapping an arm around him and trying to comfort him. He can feel how tense he is, and he doesn’t like it.

“So you’re telling me-,” Jace stars, but cuts himself off and groans in frustration. “Magnus, you can let him do this.”

“Jace, believe me, I am not pleased with this idea, but I can’t forbid him to do it,” Magnus states simply with a small shrug. “It’s Alexander’s choice and if he says he can do then, that you need to trust him that he can.”

He turns to Alec, who gives him a small, grateful smile that Magnus easily mirrors.

“You have to be careful, Alec.” Isabelle squeezes her brother’s arm and Alec places his hand on her palm. “This isn’t some game, this is serious shit.” She states without further ado. “I’m all for this bastard getting what he deserves, but not at every cost. You and your health are more important. So as soon as you feel something's getting worse, you have to back up-“

“I promise, I will.” Alec declares, which eases Isabelle up a bit as she releases a shaky breath but then nods. Alec seems to take it as the biggest okay he’ll get from her. “Jace-“ Alec tries.

“There’s no fucking way I’m going to be okay with that.” He cuts his brother off. “If this son of a bitch ever gets close to you again I sweat to God…” He trails off, but they all know what he means. “I trust you, brother. You know I do, but this… this is crazy.” Now he just sounds resigned and worried.

“I have to do this, Jace.” Alec just states firmly. “If you think I’ve been through shit, then what Josh has been thorough is ten thousand times worse. I need to get justice for him, for myself and for everyone that might ever come across him.”

Jace sighs heavily and shakes his head, but Magnus can see the effect Alec’s words made on him. Deep down he knows that Alec is right.

“You tell me immediately if he even tries to talk to you. If he even dares to breathe in your direction, you got it?” Jace speaks, his tone as much serious as Alec’s just a moment before.

“And what are you going to do, Jace-“

“It’s not your concern. I just need to know, alright?”

“Okay, I will tell you.” Alec promises, but Magnus knows that it’s because it’s the only way to get Jace on board. But his brother still isn’t happy with Alec’s choice, Magnus knows it.

Eventually, Jace gives him a nod, but Magnus can only suspect that it’s not actually the end of the conversation and that Jace is still not fully convinced. Will never really be.

“Let’s get back to our seats, the auction is about to start.” Magnus offers and they all move back to their table.

“Thank you for telling us.” He hears Isabelle whisper to Alec and she squeezes his shoulder in a comforting gesture as she moves to her seat. Then she smiles at Alec from across the table and Magnus finds himself smiling too.

The same thing can’t be said about Jace.

Clary starts to bombard him with questions as soon as he takes a seat, but he tries to dismiss her with a wave of his hand. Slowly, he seems to relax a bit with Clary at his side. Clearly cutting his mind off from the earlier conversation.

Magnus sits down in between Alec and Maryse, his palm instantly finding its way to rest on Alec’s thigh under the table, to let him know that he’s here and everything is going to be okay.

“Did you settle everything with your father?” Alec leans in and whispers to him.

“Yeah, I told him that I’ll introduce him after the auction,” Magnus recalls. “Is that alright?”

“Magnus, you don’t have to ask, it’s your family just as much as it’s mine.” Alec resorts simply. “If you’re ready to tell them, then we’ll do it.”

Magnus’ heart swells and he kisses Alec gratefully on the cheek as he feels his eyes becoming wet.

“Don’t cry, you’ll ruin your make up.” Alec tries to say seriously, but the smile on his face is betraying him. Magnus shoves him lightly on the shoulder and then leans onto his side a little bit more.

“And sold for 5,300$!” Luke drops the gravel one last time to indicate that the sale is complete. “All of the art pieces will be available to pick up as you leave the event. Thank you all so much for participating and supporting the Idris Organisation! I can assure you that your money will not be lost, and we’ll make the best use of it! Now please, enjoy the rest of your night!” With the last words, he gets down from the podium and finally joins them at the table.

Clary still beams with shock and happiness, because all of her paintings have just been sold. Her eyes are blown wide and she keeps shaking her head.

“I had no idea my art can be worth so much!” She exclaims. Some of the prices were very, very high.

“Of course they are, babe. You’re a real artist.” Jace tells her and kisses her cheeks to which she blushes beautifully. Thankfully, Clary’s mood gave into Jace too and he’s not scowling anymore.

When Luke finally joins them, Maryse kisses him gently and whispers something to him. Probably telling him how good he did. The whole table aws, accompanied by Simon as their friend finally takes a seat.

Magnus sips his champagne, feeling Alec’s laugh from where he’s leaning onto his chest. The night has been amazing so far. Idris gain a great amount of money, he’s surrounded by his family, people around are dancing and having fun. Simon has taken the stage to perform some of his songs and everything is just so lovely…

But now comes the more tricky part, which is introducing his father to them.

“Darling-“ Magnus pulls back from his comfortable spot on his chest, but before he gets to say anything else, Alec takes his face in between his palms and kisses him sweetly.

“Only if you’re sure.” He whispers between his lips and Magnus nods.

“I am.”

“Okay.” Alec reluctantly lets go of him, only dropping his hand when the increasing distance is too much.

Magnus takes a deep breath and starts on his way. It might not be how he imagined introducing his father to the rest of his family, but in the end, it’s as good as any other chance. Now he’ll also have to reveal it to Catarina and his friends at work. He can do this.

He doesn’t get to his father’s table, as someone bars his way half-way through.

“Magnus, you have to convince him not to do this.” Jace stands in his way and speaks firmly. “You know it will end badly. We can’t let him hurt himself, not after everything he’s been through-“

“Jace, I tried. I really did.” Magnus tries to reason with him. “I can’t do this. I’ve been trying to talk him out of it as soon as this opportunity appeared.”

“But you’re the only person who could talk some sense into him.” Jace pleads. “Can you just-“

“You’re right, I’m the one who could do it.” Magnus cuts him off. “So if I am telling you that there’s no way, then there is no way. I tried everything. But you know Alexander, he cares too much for others. Now that he knows Josh’s story, he won’t let go.” Magnus hesitates, before saying the next words. “He feels like it’s his fault.”

“What is?” Jace frowns.

“That Raj got to Josh.” Magnus exhales heavily. “He thinks he should have done something when he had his chance. I told him that it’s not his fault, that he had to focus on healing himself back then, but I’m not sure he believes me-“

“That’s some bullshit.” Jace resorts offensively. “None of it is his fault.”

“Of course it’s not.” Magnus instantly agrees. “But I think he has troubles believing it.”

Jace shakes his head and sighs. There’s a moment of silence and Magnus is just about to take it as the end of the conversation, but then Jace speaks again.

“Magnus, could you just…” He pauses as if beating with his own thoughts. “I trust Alec, but you know how he can get. He won’t want to worry me, or Izzy… so if anything ever happens, I hope to God nothing will, but as if-“

“I’ll tell you, Jace. I promise.” Magnus declares and Jace relaxes slightly. Magnus feels incredibly moved by the care that Alec’s siblings show for him. He knows that this is a serious situation, but it’s not only today, they’ve also always been very caring about their older brother. “You and Isabelle will be the first ones to know.”

“Thank you, Magnus. Really I-“

“Magnus!” Jace’s grateful speech gets interrupted by Maryse approaching them. She reaches Magnus and grabs him by the arm. “You have to dance with me!” She beams with a smile and Jace lets out a sound between a snort and a chuckle next to him. Magnus tries to throw him a glare, but he knows it comes out without any heat. Jace just sends him an innocent expression and carefully backs out, before Maryse can scoop him too. “Come on.” She starts to lead him onto the dance floor.

“Maybe Alec-“ Magnus tries because he really should get to his father now, but Maryse swiftly waves her hand and cuts him off.

“Alec won’t mind. He has you all to himself every day. He for sure can share for one dance.” She laughs and Magnus can’t help, but join it.

The song Simon is singing now is a bit of a slower one, so Magnus places one arm on Maryse’s waist as she puts her palm on his shoulder, and he begins to lead their little swaying dance.

The rest of the guests seems to be fond of the song too since almost all of the seats are empty. Magnus spots Jace and Clary swaying next to them. Somewhere a little further, there’s Izzy and Luke, laughing in between slow spins. He chuckles lightly too and smiles.

But it swiftly falls as his eyes rest on their table. It’s empty, besides two people.

Alec and his father.

Magnus tries for his body not to tense, since he’s so close to Maryse, but can’t help the little wave of panic flowing through him. Luckily, Maryse doesn’t seem to notice.

He tries to manoeuvre their dance, so Maryse is not able to see their table since he knows questions will start as soon as her eyes will fall on her son talking to some stranger.

He also tries not to be bothered about what Alec and Asmodeus might be speaking about. He told his father to go easy on Alec, he knows there’s nothing to be worried about.

“You know, recently I go back to the time we met,” Maryse says suddenly, and Magnus tries to rip his eyes away from the scene at their table.

“Yeah?” He prompts and she nods.

“I just wonder, what if we hadn’t met back then… I wonder when would Alec introduce you to me. If he would at all.” She laughs a bit hollowly. “I wasn’t very supportive back then.”

“It’s all in the past, Maryse.” Magnus reminds her gently.

“I know. I just…” She exhales thoughtfully. “Everything is so good recently. I’m glad Alec is in such a good place. I can’t even bear to think about how down he used to be… And I know that he got back up mostly because of you, Magnus. So I really wanted to thank you.”

“There’s no need to, Maryse,” Magnus assures and shakes his head lightly. “I’m always there for him.”

“I know,” Maryse admits with a smile. “I’m so glad he found you, really.”

Magnus doesn’t know why did the Lightwood family decide to go all nostalgic with him tonight, but he doesn’t mind. It’s nice. He doesn’t find a proper response for Maryse, but he also doesn’t feel like saying anything, pretty sure she’s okay to stay in silence for a little while.

“Do you know the man Alec is talking to?”

_ Damn it, she noticed _ . Magnus curses in his head.

He hates himself for it, but he ignores the question. Because he doesn’t want to lie, and because he’ll explain everything in a while.

So he decided to quickly change the subject.

“So how is Luke doing?” He sees the way Maryse blushes with that shy smile, very similar to Alec's. “I saw you lovebirds got pretty close…” He trails off teasingly.

“Yeah… we’re doing good.” Maryse admits with a nod. “Very good.” She smiles.

Her laugh vibrates through Magnus’ chest and he mirrors the sound. He gently spins her around, just as the song is about to end. Glancing at their table, he feels the panic slip into his body again, because Alec is gone.

His eyes quickly scan the room and fortunately, find him not so far away, on his way to one of the back exits.

Without thinking further, he lets go of Maryse. The song’s almost done either way.

“It was a pleasure, Maryse.” He tells her but doesn’t wait for her reaction, only catches a little bit of confusion on her face, but she doesn’t protest when Magnus turns to move a bit too quickly to follow Alec.

He swiftly navigates his way through the sea of tables and slips through the exit to spot Alec outside, leaning against the wall of the building.

“Darling, are you okay?” Magnus approaches him slowly. Alec has his eyes closed and head tipped up, but he nods.

“Fine, I just needed some air.”

_ That didn’t sound convincing _ , Magnus thinks but doesn’t say it out loud.

“I saw you speaking to my father. Did he say something again?” He asks instead.

“No.” Alec answers shortly.

“Alexander-“

“He didn’t say anything, alright? Can’t I just have a moment to catch my breath?” Alec snaps but finally looks at him.

“Okay,” Magnus tries calmly. “are you alright?”

“Fucking fine, Magnus.” Alec replies, his tone dripping with sarcasm and Magnus has had enough.

“Hey, you can be mad about whatever you’re mad about, but you don’t get to take it out on me.” He resorts firmly and Alec exhales heavily, shaking his head and closing his eyes again.

“You’re right. I’m sorry.” His boyfriend says and Magnus hears that he sounds guilty. He comes closer and rests his palm on his shoulder reassuringly.

“It’s okay.” He assures. “Can you tell me what’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong…” Alec sighs as he sees Magnus’ unimpressed gaze on him. “I’m just stressed about the case. I think it’s all starting to get into me. Jace and Izzy didn’t take it well, which I should have expected, but still…”

It might be true, but Magnus feels that it’s not the whole thing. But he doesn’t push. Alec has had enough stress for the week or even a month. He’ll tell Magnus when he’s ready.

“They’ll come around.” Magnus hugs him to his side lightly. “It’s going to be okay, love. You know they’re worried because they care for you so much.” He’s just got to witness it, yet another time in his talk with Jace.

“I know.” Alec’s voice is quiet when he speaks. He buries his head in Magnus’ chest and just stays like this for a few long moments, with Magnus’ fingers combing through his hair delicately. Then Alec exhales heavily and pulls back. “Let’s go back inside.” He takes Magnus’ hand and leads him back into the building. “You should go get your father.” He adds when they enter and head to their table.

“You’re sure-“ Magnus tries to inquire, but Alec just sends him a quick nod and goes back to join his family at their table.

Magnus tries to stay unbothered, but something doesn’t feel right.

With his heart a bit heavier than a moment before, he eventually makes it to his father’s table.

“Finally,” Asmodeus announces when he approaches, but there’s a teasing note in his tone. “Did you change your mind?”

“No I just,” Magnus cuts himself off, not sure what to say. “some things came up.”

“So I’ve seen.” His father resorts with a smile when Magnus begins to lead the way to his table.

“What did you and Alec talk about?” He asks and stops in his tracks, for the rest not to overhear.

“Same as always, about you.” Asmodeus shrugs in answer. “I was considerate, I swear.” He puts up his hands up in a surrender’s gesture.

“Alright.” Magnus just shakes his head and gets them back on the way.

So maybe it is only the case Alec is worried about? If Asmodeus really didn’t say anything and Alec claims that’s it… Magnus will worry later, now it’s time to introduce them all.

“Hey, guys.” Magnus starts as they join the table. All eyes turn to him and their little chatter dies down. “I’d like to introduce someone to you.” He says and his sight wanders to Alec for a brief moment, seeing his sending him a small, encouraging smile. It’s all he needs to keep going. “This is my father, Asmodeus.” He gestures at the man next to him.

Luke’s eyes widen same as Clary’s when they exchange looks, Jace almost chokes on his champagne, Izzy throws a somehow reserved glance at Alec, but her brother isn’t looking at her. Maryse seems to recover from the shock as the first one, and she lets a small smile overcome her features. But it’s Simon who speaks first.

“You have a father?” He blurts out and Magnus is somehow thankful for his words, because he feels like the atmosphere is a bit more loose, when the table gets overcome by a little wave of laughter, with Asmodeus and Magnus joining in. “I mean, obviously you have a father.” Simon tries to recover, shaking his head as Izzy pats his arm sympathetically. “I just didn’t know he was… around, I don’t know. I’m shutting up now.” Simon sinks further into his chair, which prompts another few chuckles.

“Well, maybe he wasn’t around, but he’s back now.” Magnus resorts and looks back to see his father nodding.

“Yes. Let’s say we had some disagreements and I wasn’t very fair to my son in the past. But all is forgiven now, isn’t it?” Asmodeus looks at Magnus, waiting for an answer, that still takes him longer to think through that he’d like to admit.

“Yeah, it’s all in the past,” Magnus replies eventually and his father smiles as he clasps him on the shoulder.

“It’s very nice to meet you. I’m Maryse, Alec’s mom.” Maryse holds out her hand, which Asmodeus gladly takes and shakes lightly. “Alec.” Maryse tries to scowl him lightly, probably for not saying anything yet, but Asmodeus beats her to it.

“Oh, I already had the pleasure of meeting Alexander.” He waves his hand dismissively. “We had some interesting conversations, right?” His sight falls on Alec. He doesn’t say anything, just nods lightly, trying to smile at him, but Magnus knows him enough to see that it comes out fake.

Which earns him another inquisitive gaze from Izzy.

Magnus goes around the table with his father and introduces him to the rest. Isabelle seems to be most wary, but still politely accepts the handshake from Asmodeus. Luke mouths at him something along the lines of  _ what’s going on? _ , But Magnus mouths back that he’ll explain later, which earns him an understanding nod from his friend. Turns out Asmodeus bought one of Clary’s paintings and they indulge into a little conversation that Luke also joins in, thanking his father for the generous donation he’s made for Idris recently. Maryse also hopes in to say a few words, but then Asmodeus glances at his watch and frowns slightly.

“I’m so sorry to cut it short, but I’m afraid I must go now.” He announces.

“Already?” Magnus questions, but his father nods.

“Unfortunately, yes. But it was lovely to meet all of you.” He addresses the whole table. “I hope we’ll get to see each other again rather shortly. We’ll catch up soon, son.” Asmodeus pats him on the arm and they share a smile. “Have a lovely rest of the night.” He farewells and receives goodbyes from the table. Magnus’ eyes follow after him for a few seconds and then he takes his seat next to Alec, the smile still present on his face.

“Okay, what exactly is going on?” Luke inquires as Asmodeus is out of the hearing distance.

“He’s my father. We had a disagreement in the past and didn’t see each other for some good few years, but now he’s come back to make things right and we’re trying again.” He shrugs lightly. “That’s it basically.”

“But you’ve never said anything about a father?” It’s Clary who cuts in with a question.

“Because there was nothing to say. There was a time when I didn’t want to know him, but he’s changed. He’s better.” Magnus sums up and receives some nods.

“Well, the night only gets more interesting.” Jace resorts jokingly and they swiftly dive into some chatter again.

“It wasn’t that bad, right?” Magnus turns to Alec and speaks.

“No.” Alec isn’t looking at him as he answers, his eyes focused on some point in the distance. “It wasn’t bad at all.” He takes his champagne flute and drowns it in one go.

Magnus finds it quite hard to remain unbothered.

He laughs loudly at Simon’s joke as they stand by the stage, packing his gear away. The party looks far from over, but Simon is way too fuzzy to perform any more. Luke introduced Magnus to some new volunteers in Idris and asked him to talk a bit about his experiences, which he gladly did. It’s always lovely to see young, passionate people, who decided to devote their time to help others. Magnus is standing by the stage and chuckling lightly at Simon’s slightly drunk stuttering until he feels someone drag him a few steps and then he’s faced with a furious looking Isabelle Lightwood.

“Magnus, why the hell is my brother getting drunk?” She asks him sharply and he frowns.

“Izzy, how should I know why Jace is getting drunk, ask Clary-“ He tries to answer, but she interrupts.

“I’m not talking about Jace, you idiot. I’m talking about Alec.” She clarifies and now Magnus understands her angry tone. “He never gets drunk. Fuck, he usually doesn’t even drink, so explain to me, why the hell is he getting drunk on champagne now?”

That’s true, he has to admit. In all of the time they’ve been together, and even the longer they’ve known each other, Alec has never got drunk. And yeah, maybe it was because of the meds he had to take, but he admitted to Magnus, that he actually got drunk only once, years ago. Sure, there were a few fuzzy nights with a bit too much wine, but always safe at home. Alec isn’t really fond of drinking, especially when they’re out somewhere. He knows his limits, but from what Isabelle is saying, he might be forgetting himself now.

When Isabelle approached him, the thought of Alec getting drunk hasn't even crossed his mind. Something is really wrong if his boyfriend decided on such an out of character step tonight. Magnus feels panic increasing in his chest. He's been feeling, that something wasn't right. 

Magnus went away only for a while to help them with Simon’s gear, but then Luke asked him to talk to the volunteers… Fuck, he should have checked on Alec, especially since he saw how weird he’s been acting tonight…

“Magnus, what’s going on?” Isabelle asks and now she sounds more worried than angry. “I tried to talk to him, he said nothing’s wrong, but you must know.”

Magnus’ lips form into a thin line before he finally breaks under Izzy’s precise gaze.

“He just said he’s getting stressed about the case.” He recalls. “And that you and Jace didn’t take it too well.”

“Fuck, it’s already taking its toll on him,” Isabelle mutters more to herself, but Magnus hears anyway. “He can’t do it, it’s going to ruin him-“

“Isabelle, it’s going to be fine.” Magnus tries to calm her down. “Maybe we should just let him loose for one night-“

“This isn’t him letting loose, Magnus and you know it.” Isabelle says and shit, she’s right. It doesn’t sound like Alec’s way of relaxing and letting go. Magnus was only trying to convince himself because he doesn’t want to believe something may be terribly wrong.

“Okay,” Magnus tries to sort out his thoughts and lets out an exhale. “okay, you’re right.” He admits, but it doesn’t seem to ease up Izzy’s worries. “I’m gonna get him and take him home. Can you get us a cab?”

“Yeah, sure. I’ll wait outside.” Isabelle answers and sets on her way out.

Magnus exhales shakily and moves back to their table to get Alec, who indeed is sitting there, looking like he might fall out of his chair, but still reaches for another flute of champagne. Magnus swiftly reaches the table and pulls it out of his palm. Alec looks up at him with fuzzy eyes and flushed face, his messy hair is sticking out in various directions.

“What are you doing?” He asks slowly, the words tangling their way out of his mouth.

“I could ask you the same thing,” Magnus mutters, but not loudly enough for Alec to hear. He crouches down next to his chair to get to his eye level. “We’re going home, darling.” Magnus announces and sweeps some hair from his face, his cheeks feel dangerously warm beneath his palms.

“I don’t want to go home.” Alec stutters. “The champagne is nice.” He says and tries to pick up the glass again, but Magnus pulls it out of his reach to which he pouts.

Magnus would find it adorable at any other occasion.

“Why did you drink so much, love?” Magnus asks softly.

“You always do it.” Alec resorts with a shrug and Magnus frowns at him.

“Do what, darling?”

“When you’re angry or sad, you always get a drink. So I thought, why not? I thought it might help, so I got a drink, but it didn’t help. So I got another, and another… I don’t think your methods are working, babe.”

Magnus chuckles lightly, but it’s full of worry.

“Why were you sad, or angry?” He tries, but Alec closes his eyes and shakes his head.

“I do want to go home, Magnus.” He stumbles with his words and Magnus resorts he won’t get much out of him now.

“Alright, can you walk with me?” He questions and Alec nods, but when the tries to stand up, almost immediately he falls back onto his chair. “Okay…” Magnus hoists him up from the chair, throwing his arm around his shoulder and carefully walking him to the exit. The chilly night air hits him in the face as they emerge outside, but he easily spots Isabelle waiting for them next to a cab.

“Come on, darling. Get in.” Magnus gently manoeuvres him into the car as they step closer. Alec mumbles something incoherently, but Magnus chooses to ignore him.

“Magnus-“ Isabelle tires, but he cuts in.

“I’ll update you.” He promises. “Tell Maryse and the rest we just had to go, okay?” She nods sharply at his words.

“Take care of him.” She adds and squeezes his arm before walking back into the building.

Magnus climbs into the cab next to Alec and tells the driver the address, resting Alec’s head on his shoulder, running his fingers through his hair.

“I love you, angel.” He whispers and kisses the top of his head.

“Mhm, love you too.” Alec stammers and awkwardly tries to put his arm around Magnus’ waist. Somehow, and with a bit of Magnus’ help, he succeeds.

The road back doesn’t feel long, and Magnus doesn’t really have the time to put his thoughts in place. Before he even gets to replay the events of today’s evening, the driver announces that they’ve arrived. He pays the man and thanks to him, getting out of the car and rounding it to pull Alec out. He’s not sure if his boyfriend is asleep, he continues to mumble something as Magnus manhandles him out of the cab and sets their course on the apartment building. Usually, he doesn’t complain about carrying Alec around, but now he feels like a dead weight and he is getting tired.

Somehow, he manages to get them to the door and unlocks it while Alec’s legs almost give out. He wraps his arm around him to keep his stable when he finally gets the door open.

“Alright darling, hold on to me.” Magnus instructs and basically lifts him from the floor to drag him into the apartment, kicking the door closed behind them.

“You’re so strong,” Alec exclaims, and Magnus can’t help, but laugh. “God, you’re just… amazing, you’re amazing.”

“Thank you, angel. Right back at you.” Magnus replies and gently lowers him onto the bed, taking his suit jacket and shoes off. Next, he gets him out of his shirt and pants, Alec doesn’t protest and after a few moments, Magnus pulls the covers around him and tucks him in.

It doesn’t take him long to prepare for bad too. He decides he’s too tired for a shower, so after getting rid of his own clothes, he slips under the covers next to his boyfriend. He thought that Alec may be already asleep, but when he settles in bed, his boyfriend turns to him and snuggles the closest he can. Magnus doesn’t mind. Alec might reek of champagne, but that’s okay. He hugs him even tighter.

“I’m so sick of being broken.” Alec mumbles when Magnus is on the verge of sleep, but his words make him much more alert.

“What are you talking about, darling?” Magnus tries to pull back to look at him, but Alec refuses to unclench his head from Magnus’ neck.

“I don’t want to be broken, Magnus. But I don’t want you to leave.” He sounds like he’s on the verge of crying now. “You’re going to fix me, and then you’re going to leave.”

“Alexander, look at me.” Magnus tries, falling into a full panic mode now. It doesn’t help when only Alec shakes his head and lets out a sob that makes Magnus’ heart shatter into a million pieces. “Angel, you are not broken. And I’m never going to leave you. I’m here, always.”

Alec just continues to shake his head, crying into the crook of his neck. Magnus gathers him closer and hugs tightly, rocking them back and forth lightly in an attempt to calm him down.

“I’m here darling, I’m not going anywhere,” Magnus reassures and runs his hand through his hair soothingly. “I’m here, it’s okay.”

It’s the middle of the night when Alec finally calms down and falls asleep. For Magnus, sleep doesn’t come at all. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed this chapter as much as I've enjoyed writing it! As always, I want to know your thoughts so comment them down below :) Do you think Asmodeus tried to mess with Alec's head again? What could they possibly talk about? I'll see you next week with some answers...


	15. The Help

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec considers if he should tell Magnus the truth about what happened with his father. Later. he dives more into his case and seeks help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi,  
thank you so much for all of the support on this story. To all of those, who were anxious to find out what exactly went down between Alec and Asmodeus, this chapter covers it :) But then we also go further into Alec's case with Raj, so WARNINGS: talk about an abusive relationship and sexual assault. I hope you'll like how it all turned out. 
> 
> Enjoy the read!

Alec wakes up with his head banging.

He’s had headaches for various reason in his life, but this… it only reminds him, why he doesn’t drink.

And he’s not actually sure what he was thinking yesterday.

He also wakes up alone, but the bed is still warm, which means Magnus couldn’t have gone far away. Normally, Alec would just groan in frustration for his boyfriend depriving him of their morning cuddles, but today, he does appreciate the moment alone to sort out his thoughts.

If only his head would stop pulsing.

Trying to roll over and reach for his phone turns out to be a mistake, since he immediately winces at the sudden movement and flops down on the bed on his back, releasing a heavy exhale.

Fuck his low alcohol tolerance.

Before he even gets to try and recall the events of last night, which from a certain point seem incredibly foggy, the door to the bedroom opens delicately, but Alec still winces at the line of light that peaks through them when Magnus enters.

“Good morning, angel.” His boyfriend is holding two steaming mugs in his hands and places them on the nightstand when he goes to sit next to Alec on the bed.

It’s not exactly a good morning, so Alec doesn’t reply, just letting out a sigh and covering his eyes with his arm.

“I left you some aspirin and a glass of water, but you must have missed it.” Magnus holds out the said items to him as Alec finally looks at him. “You look like you need it.”

Alec takes the glass with a grateful nod, popping two pills of aspirin into his mouth and drowning almost the whole glass of water in one go.

Magnus watches him as he sits at the edge of the bed, but instead of a smile, that usually paints his face when they wake up next to each other in the morning, there’s this anxious frown caressing his features.

Alec knows it too well. Magnus is just dying to interrogate him about what the hell he was thinking last night, but he restrains. Probably because of Alec’s current state.

But slowly, the events of last night begin to flow into his head. The thing that people use to say: it’s all going to look better in the morning, well it doesn’t apply here, because everything still looks like shit.

“How are you feeling?” Magnus prompts, running his hand delicately through Alec’s messy hair.

Alec just goes to shake his head but regrets it the second he moves.

“My head hurts.” He answers and screws his eyes shut again, but relaxes a bit from the touch of Magnus’ fingers on his scalp.

Magnus just releases a heavy sigh and shakes his head a bit, the unease growing on his face.

“Alexander, why did you get drunk last night?” He asks without further ado. Alec would appreciate his straightforwardness if he had a good answer for that.

He shrugs, to but himself some time. He can blame it onto his still fuzzy mind.

“Just wanted to try it, I guess.” He tries casually.

“We both know this isn’t the true, Alec.” Magnus resorts and damn him for knowing Alec so well. “So tell me the real reason.”

“I’m stressed about the case, I told you-“ Alec deflects, but he can see that Magnus is having none of it and he appears to be rather done with Alec’s bullshit.

“Alec, don’t lie to me. Why don’t you want to tell me?” The frustration is seeping into his tone. “If you just wanted to try it, then okay. No problem. But why didn’t you tell me from the start? Because you clearly didn’t get this funny kind of drunk, you got fucking hammered.”

“I felt fine.” Alec says, but Magnus cuts him off.

“Yeah, maybe at the beginning.” He states resigned. “How much do you actually remember from last night?”

This for sure isn’t a question that Alec is ready to answer. A few seconds of silence pass, before he finally begins to speak.

“Most of it.” He admits, deciding not to lie.

“You’re sure?” Magnus inquires, still sounding worried.

“I mean, it might be a bit fuzzy after we got into the cab… but yeah.”

“And after that?” Magnus continues. “When we got home?”

“Magnus, if you’re trying to make me see something then just please, get to the point, because my head really can’t take it.” Alec says because it’s too much, too soon to think about that night. All he wants to do is disappear under these covers and don’t come out for another week, at least.

“I mean, that you cried yourself to sleep, Alec.” Magnus eventually snaps.

Oh, he means that.

It’s Alec’s turn to sigh heavily as he runs a hand over his face. But doesn’t know what to say, so he stays quiet.

“You said you didn’t want to be broken anymore.” Magnus reminds him, but Alec remembers, wishing that his drunk self could shut the fuck up sometimes. He feels like he should explore that side of him, but after last night, he knows that it’s a side he doesn’t really like. “You said I’d leave you. Why would you ever say something like that?”

Bits and pieces put themselves in place in his head, slowly creating an image, that he would rather bury deep inside in his mind.

_Eventually, when there’s nothing more to fix, he’s going to leave you. _

_When you won’t be broken anymore, he’s going to be gone. _

_There’s a price you have to pay_.

“Alec?” The small tone of Magnus’ voice pulls him out of his thoughts. He looks like he’s on a verge of breaking down himself when he reaches for Alec’s hand and breathes out shakily. “I can’t help you if I don’t know what’s wrong.” He begins to draw soothing circles with his thumb at the back of Alec’s palm.

But there’s so much wrong that Alec doesn’t know what to start with.

Last night was supposed to be great for everyone. A night of celebrations, a noble cause and family. And it was it, for most of them at least.

Alec was having a great time, chatting with his family, watching how moved Clary got with every sold painting and the pride that was basically emanating from Jace as he looked at his girlfriend. He loved hearing Simon’s silly jokes, that made Izzy laugh probably even a little bit too much than appropriate. He couldn’t take his eyes of his mother, who’s eyes were focused at Luke when he was at that stage, like even with all of the amazing pieces of art surrounding him, for her he was still the most stunning.

He loved having Magnus’ hand in his, him leaning onto his side and observing their happy family.

His siblings' reactions to Raj were to be expected, but he still hated to see the pain and worry in their eyes. He knows it won’t be easy, but he feels better with them knowing, it would be even worse if he tried to hide it.

Alec was laughing under his breath as he was watching his mother sweep Magnus into a dance, but it was full of fondness from his side. He couldn’t be more happy about how close they got.

That’s when he registered someone joining him at their empty then table.

“Hello, Alexander.” Asmodeus was slipping into the seat next to him, another fake smile plastered on his face. Alec tried not to flinch at his voice saying his full name, but he knew he did a poor job with it. “Fancy seeing you here.”

Alec tried to force a smile on his own, only turning to Asmodeus for a small second to acknowledge him, before refocusing at his mother and Magnus.

“Well, seeing you here is certainly a surprise.” Alec hoped his voice didn’t sound too bitter. He had promised himself, that he will give Magnus’ father another chance.

“Oh yeah, it’s just a funny coincidence.” Asmodeus waved his hand dismissively, soon following Alec’s line of sight, his eyes also rested on Magnus and Maryse. “Aren’t you jealous? Magnus’ seems to be having a great time with this woman?” He questioned, just when Magnus and Maryse were clearly chucking lightly at something she must have said.

Alec barely consisted himself from bursting out laughing, but Asmodeus’ comment did help to bring a genuine smile on his face. He shook his head lightly.

“It’s my mother.” He answered with a bit of amusement in his tone. “I think it’s safe to say I have nothing to worry about.” The smile was present in his voice.

Asmodeus didn’t say anything and for a few long seconds, they were just watching Magnus and his mom swaying in the dance.

“My son did promise to introduce me to your family.” Alec didn’t like something about the way Asmodeus emphasised the word family, but he lets it slip for now. “But I’m not sure if it’s such a good idea, to be honest.”

“Why not?” Alec asked, frowning in confusion. Asmodeus had claimed that he wanted to be a part of Magnus’ life more. And the family is his life.

Also, Alec really wanted to tell them, he was so sick of having to hide it from them. Especially his siblings. They’ve always been telling each other everything. And it’s not like anyone has ever asked, the couldn’t possibly know, but still, it had been somehow eating Alec from the inside. Not being able to discuss his worries about Asmodeus with any of them.

“Well, I wouldn’t want to interfere too much, considering that it might not last too long.” Asmodeus gestured casually between Alec and Magnus at the other end of the room.

“I’m sorry, what?” Alec questioned when his brain had finally caught up with his words. Did he just assume that their relationship was fleeting?

“Have you thought about what I said, Alexander?” Asmodeus ignored his question and shock, leaning back in his chair and still observing the scene in front of them. “ And I have to admit, that I am not pleased with you coming straight to Magnus and complaining to him about me. You have to learn, that not everything always goes the way you’d want it too. This only proves how immature you are…”

Alec decided to let the comments slide, but he couldn’t say that it didn’t sting a bit. Asmodeus knew where to hit, searching Alec’s insecurities and making him feel even worse about the things he felt bad about from the starts.

“Magnus and I talk about everything.” Alec chose to say with a shrug that was an attempt to let go off a bit of the tension in his shoulders. Didn’t help. “Why wouldn’t I tell him about my worries?”

“And why do exactly your worries concern me, Alexander?” Asmodeus asked.

“I’m just making sure Magnus won’t regret letting you in.”

“I can assure you, he won’t.” The man answered with way too many confidence, the sly smirk that Alec has already grown to hate appearing on his features. “So, what about your priorities?” He changed the subject.

“I know what is important to me.” Alec just stated simply, because he really does.

“So, is Magnus?” Asmodeus inquired, with his eyebrow raised in a challenging way.

“He is on top of that list if you must know,” Alec replied eventually, but he really didn’t like the direction that this conversation was headed.

“Ah, a shame it’s not the same for him…” The older man trailed off, but Alec flinched at his words otherwise.

_Don’t be stupid Alec, don’t believe him, he’s just trying to get to you_. His mind decided to be helpful and slipped him a few of these valid truths. He didn’t believe a word that had come out of Asmodeus’ mouth. Magnus had stated repeatedly, that Alec is his priority.

But still, some seed of doubt was there again.

“You can’t possibly know that.” Alec shook his head, trying to think of a way to unhear the words.

“Alexander, listen.” He really hated the way he was saying his name like he was some child to scowl, someone who is never right. “I do know my son. He is my blood, and during our time together, I’ve noticed a lot of similarities between us. Magnus cares for others so much-“

“That’s right.” Alec cut in. It was probably the first correct thing Asmodeus has ever said.

“Yes, but he also thinks that he can save everybody.” Asmodeus continued, much to Alec’s confusion. “He sees the broken parts in people and tries to fix them. Just like he is doing with you.”

Alec’s frown deepened at his words and he shook his head again.

“I’m not broken.”

“Not as much as you were,” Asmodeus said in what Alec assumed was supposed to be his sympathetic tone. “Because he’s helped you. But eventually, when there’s nothing more to fix, he’s going to leave you.”

Alec felt like his head was spinning. This couldn’t be the truth. This isn’t the truth. Magnus loves him, no matter what good or bad.

_He fucking told you that, Alec_.

He sat frozen, not able to come up with any response to Asmodeus, thoughts were rushing in his head, trying to recall Magnus ever saying something like this.

His mind came up empty. But he can never be sure about the things Magnus speaks about with his father.

Maybe he just pities Alec too much to leave him now, that he’s better? Maybe it’s true, and when Magnus finally notices that Alec is his best self, then he’ll leave. What does he have to offer anyway, an unstable mind that sometimes feels like a time bomb, never knowing what or who can upset him and make him break.

He’s no good for him, he doesn’t deserve Magnus, never did.

“When you won’t be broken anymore, he’s going to be gone,” Asmodeus repeated. Alec’s eyes began to turn glassy. “There’s a price you have to pay. You can be healed, but then he won’t stay by your side.” He resorted and Alec had to close his eyes to stop the tears.

Without saying anything more, he stood up from his chair, quickly scanned the room to find the closest exit. It was getting hard to breathe.

“Just think about it, Alexander-“ Asmodeus gripped his wrist, but Alec immediately ripped it away.

“I need some air.” He just muttered, not able to listen to him anymore. He marched outside and breathing became a little easier, but his heart was still in shreds.

That’s when Magnus found him.

“Alec.” Magnus’ voice brings him back to the present moment. Alec blinks up at him. His face looks equally, or even a bit more, worried than a moment before. He releases another heavy sigh and takes Alec’s hand in between the two of his now, squeezing tightly. His eyes are pleading when he speaks. “Please, tell me what’s wrong.”

_I am not pleased with you coming straight to Magnus and complaining to him about me. _

_This only proves how immature you are._

“Nothing’s wrong.” Alec replies, but it turns out not to be an answer for Magnus, his boyfriend shakes his head, the line of his shoulders remains tensed.

“Don’t lie to me.”

“I’m not lying-“ Alec tries, but can hear how weak his voice sounds.

“Alec, you’re a shitty liar, I can tell that.” He resorts and now Alec hears something else besides the worry in his tone. He’s getting riled up and to be honest, Alec can’t blame him, he himself is too because he’s too fucking scared to admit what happened, to crumble the image of his father that Magnus has created in his head.

“I’m stressed about the case, okay? That’s it.” He says but isn’t looking at Magnus.

“That’s it?” His boyfriend inquires and tries to catch his eye, but Alec doesn’t let him.

“Yes.” He nods.

Magnus gets up from the bed and Alec already misses the little bit of comfort his touch was providing. He begins to pace the room in a way that’s making Alec nervous. He looks deep in his thoughts, but after a moment he finally comes to a stop.

“Then you have to drop it.” He states firmly, but Alec only frowns at him.

“What?”

“The case, you have to drop it.” Magnus is using that tone, that Alec knows doesn’t take no for an answer.

“Magnus, I can’t-“ He tries, but his boyfriend shakes his head, a heavy exhale escaping his lips.

“It has barely started, Alec.” His voice is rising. “First you come home with a panic attack, you admit that it’s making you stressed and you fucking cry and tell me you’re broken-“

“I was drunk!” Alec cuts in, his tone equally growing in volume. “I was talking nonsense.”

Magnus runs a hand over his face in an annoyed gesture. Alec sees that he’s on the edge of blowing up.

“Either way, it isn’t good for you.” He states, urging his voice to remain calm.

“You can’t make me do this, Magnus.” Alec shakes his head. “This isn’t your choice to make, you said it yourself-“

“Yes, but I promised myself, that if your health was in danger I would make you stop. That’s what I’m doing.”

“I know what I can handle. Stop treating me like a child!” Alec snaps.

“Then stop acting like one.” Magnus throws his hands in the air in a resigned gesture. “You _think_ you know what you can handle, but it’s only the start and you’re already on the edge-“

“I’m not-“

“Don’t try to deny it. I can see it, Alec, you’re way more stressed than ever, you were acting weird last night. There evidently is something wrong. And if you claim that it’s the case that making you feel all those things, then I’m sorry, but you really have to-“

“This isn’t about the case, it’s about your father!” Alec yells, and Magnus freezes with his mouth opened mid-sentence.

“What?” He frowns.

Alec drops his gaze and hides his face in his palms. He really should learn to shut the fuck up sometimes, but the emotions are overflowing and he let it slip. It’s too late to try and take it back now, but he anxiety growing in his stomach tells him, that he can’t tell Magnus the whole truth, that it will ruin him. The fact that Asmodeus doesn’t like him, doesn’t change the thing that he still cares about Magnus.

“Alec,” Magnus is sitting next to him again when Alec looks up. Any traces of anger seem to vaporize from his features, replaced by pure concern. “What about him?”

“I just…” He exhales heavily, bracing himself for the next words. “I don’t like him.” He admits.

Magnus stays quiet for a moment.

“Why?” He asks, his face neutral.

“He seems suspicious, I don’t know.” Alec shrugs.

“Suspicious how?” Magnus inquires, still serious.

“I don’t know.” Alec really can’t explain it. “I just have this feeling.”

Another moment of silence.

“Did he say something to you again?”

_Yes_.

“No.” He lies. “We just talked about you.”

Which isn’t technically a lie. But still, Alec feels sick that he’s not revealing the whole truth. Asmodeus was right, he’s being a child if he comes and complains to Magnus about him.

“Alright.” Magnus nods lightly to himself. “I… thank you for telling me, I always want your honest opinion, so… but since he hasn’t really done anything, couldn’t you just give him a chance? You’ve only met twice…”

“I will try,” Alec says with his heart-clenching, but it brings a small smile to Magnus’ lips. “I’m sorry about yesterday and that you had to deal with me.” He really is sorry, but he says it more in an attempt to change the subject.

“It’s okay, angel.” Magnus resorts and sweeps his hand along Alec’s legs under the covers reassuringly. “I can recall you having to deal with drunk me too…” He trails off with a smile and Alec can’t help, but chuckle warmly at the memory.

“Yeah, it wasn’t that bad.” He says laughingly.

“Wasn’t too bad to take care of you too, darling.” Magnus bumps their shoulders lightly but then turns a bit more serious. “You know you can tell me about everything, right? Even if you don’t like my father… I want you to get on well, but if not… it won’t be the end of the world. I’ll stay with you, always. No matter what anyone says.”

“I know,” Alec replies, the tears growing heavy on his eyelids. “Thank you.” He leans into Magnus’ chest and feels his boyfriend’s arms coming around him, always releasing a relieved sigh for how much comfort it brings. “I love you.”

“I love you too, darling.”

If he clings onto Magnus a bit tighter than usual, his boyfriend doesn’t seem to mind.

They don’t talk about Asmodeus for the rest of the day.

But it’s like both of them don’t want to. Magnus clearly doesn’t want to dwell on this subject and Alec is more than relieved not to bring him up, still trying to erase any sign of their conversation last night from his mind.

They spend the day doing basically nothing. Alec calls his siblings to give him yet another lame excuse on his behaviour last night. He knows they don’t buy it, but let it slide, probably until the next time they’ll see each other, then they will interrogate Alec in person.

When Monday comes, Alec finds himself in front of the door to Starkweather’s office. He can’t stall anymore, he has to get a lawyer for Josh, in order for them to go on with the trail.

Taking a few more deep breaths, he finally decides to knock. After receiving a quick invitation, he turns the doorknob and enters.

Starkweather’s office is as neat and tidy as always. The boss himself stands by the window, finishing up some phone call, but by the time Alec fully enters the room, the man turns to him.

“Hi, Alec.” He greets with a smile. “Everything okay?”

Alec releases a shaky exhale and clasps his hands behind his back in an attempt to stop them from shaking. Starkweather follows his movements precisely, narrowing his eyes at him.

“I… Yeah, everything is fine, sir,” Alec answers after a while. “I was just hoping I could speak to you about something.” He bites his lips lightly, anticipating his reply.

“Yeah, of course.” His boss gestures to the big desk in the middle of the room, pointing out for Alec to take a seat on the other side as he settles himself. “Alright, so what’s up?” He folds his palms together and rests them on the desk, his expression remaining neutral and his usual shade of sharp, but it’s still welcoming for Alec enough to start talking.

“Well, I have this friend and he needs some legal help.” Alec explains.

“Okay… what kind of help?” Starkweather questions.

“It’s kind of complicated.” Alec begins, but his boss gives him a look to go on. “Well, he’s… basically, it’s about sexual assault and abuse of power by the authorities.” Starkweather gives him a slow nod. “He doesn’t really have a stable situation and I just thought I could ask if we could take his case as a pro bono one.” Alec details and the other man lets out an exhale as he leans back into his chair.

Alec damns his boss’s ability to conceal any of the emotions on his face right now.

“Look, Alec,” He starts slowly. “First of all, I’m very sorry that something like this happened to your friend. It’s very nice of you to offer to help.” Alec can sense a ‘but’ coming. “But we don’t really take pro bono cases.”

“We don’t?” Alec questions confusingly.

“Well not anymore.” Starkweather continues. “I know it builds up a good image for the company, but we can’t afford it right now. Also, all of the available lawyers are currently on their cases. You said your friend’s case is complicated, so I wouldn’t like to give you someone who can’t devote to it fully.” He explains in a sympathetic tone.

“I understand.” Alec resorts with a small nod, even if he hoped that the answer would be different.

“However, I may have an idea.” Starkweather’s eyes lit up a little and Alec lets a bit of hope grow inside of him. “I can try and get you a license for this case. There are certain ways it can be done, but-“

The hope that’s disappears basically as soon as it appeared.

“No, I,” Alec gently cuts in and Starkweather stops his reasoning. “I don’t think I can handle it on my own.” He admits.

The other man looks at him with a sympathetic gaze and shakes his head a little.

“Alec, you don’t give yourself enough credit.” He states and even if the sentiment warms Alec’s heart a bit, it isn’t the case here. He’s aware that he’s a good lawyer, but the thing that he’s facing… it’s bigger than him. “If you want my professional opinion, then I think you are more than capable of leading a case yourself.’

“Thank you, sir,” Alec says gratefully. “It’s very flattering, but… This case is just a bit too personal for me. It hits too close and I need someone with clear judgement on this. I may get a bit…” He pauses to search for the right word. “lost, sometimes.”

Starkweather considers him for a moment, his expression still thoughtful, but eventually, he nods.

“This is a very mature decision.” He speaks and Alec can swear that he’s heard a bit of pride in his tone. “Really. It takes a lot to accept a case that might be challenging for you, but knowing your limits and asking for help when you know you’ll need it requires even more courage. I’m glad you came to such a conclusion.” The man smiles at him and Alec reciprocates. “I’m sorry I can’t help you.” Starkweather’s expression falls a bit. “But if you need any advice, about this case or any other, you know where to find me.”

Alec nods with a grateful smile. Maybe it didn’t go the way he’d want it too, but it’s good to have Starkweather on his side. Some advice may actually be helpful in the future.

“Thank you, sir.” Alec gets up from the chair at the boss’s nod and head to the door.

“And Alec,” He turns on his way when he hears Starkweather calling after him. The older man is smiling at him, as he too stands from his chair. “Stop with the ‘sir’ thing.”

Alec nods and leaves the office a little bit more hopeful.

“I’m gonna talk to mom.”

Alec speaks suddenly, later that day, when he and Magnus are seated on the couch after dinner.

“About what, darling?” Magnus is busy working on his laptop so he does not look up when he asks.

“About the case.”

This makes Magnus’ attention shift to him.

He told him about the meeting with Starkweather during dinner and as much as the conversation didn’t end up in Alec’s dream result, he understands his boss’s point of view. Magnus was very reassuring about this, only said that Alec will for sure figure something out, but none of them has brought up the possibility of Maryse joining in.

Till now.

Magnus shifts on the couch, closing his computer and putting it away to reach for Alec’s hand and caress it soothingly.

“You’re sure?” He asks, his eyes shining with concern. Alec just nods, trapping his lower lip in between his teeth. He’s not gonna lie that talking to Maryse doesn’t fill him with some kind of fear. But he’s been thinking, and he can’t come up with any other solutions. He’s almost a hundred percent sure that his mom would agree to help him. He knows that she’s got a bit of work to do herself now, but she admitted that it’s more of a legal counselling than leading big cases as she used to in Lightwood LP. “You know that it means you’ll probably need to tell her about everything-“

“I’m aware, Magnus.” Alec cuts in a bit too sharply.

“Sorry, I just-“

“I think it’s time I told her.” Alec resorts in a more gentle tone. Magnus gives him an understanding smile and squeezes his hand. “I’m scared of her reaction.” Alec admits.

“Alexander, you know that what happened wasn’t your fault at all.” Magnus reminds him sternly.

“Yeah, I know.” Alec agrees. “I’m scared she will blame herself. I mean, she wasn’t very caring back then and I didn’t want to share it, but I know her. She’ll think it’s her fault because we weren’t close back there and I didn’t feel safe enough.”

“Then you’ll tell her that she’s not the one to blame,” Magnus says, his tone still light, not pushing. “It’s going to be fine.”

Alec nods, but he’s not so convinced about this.

Maryse’s reaction is one thing, the other is coming back to his past and sharing it with her.

He’s been foolish to think he closed this chapter. The truth is, there will always be something that will remind him about the bad times and from time to time, he’ll just have to relive it, to get better.

But it feels different from what he felt when he shared his experiences with Magnus. Because Magnus wasn’t there back then, he had no effect on this, because he just wasn’t there, they didn’t even know each other. And with his mom… The problem is she should have been there, but she wasn’t.

And the fault is on both sides. Maryse might have not cared enough, but Alec wasn’t too eager to share too. As soon as it started to get bad between him and Raj, he shoved his feelings and emotions deep inside, for them never to come to the surface. He focused on pleasing others, always doing and saying the things they wanted to hear.

“Do you want me to be there when you tell her?” Magnus asks, shaking him off from his thoughts.

“No.” Alec answers almost immediately. Magnus might know, but Alec’s aware that it can’t be pleasant to listen about this. He hates speaking about it, and even though Magnus could he a soothing presence at his side, he still feels ashamed about his time with Raj. It’s weird to talk about his abusive ex when he’s current, amazing boyfriend is near. “It will be better if it’s just the two of us.”

“Okay.” Magnus doesn’t seem put off at Alec’s answer. Deep down Alec knows, that Magnus understands him.

“I think I should call her now. I’m supposed to meet Josh on Wednesday.” Alec informs and Magnus gives him a slow nod. Even if he still isn’t convinced about this case, at least he respects and supports Alec’s choices. He’s very thankful for that.

The next day, when Alec finds himself at Maryse’s door, he hesitates.

He took his time coming here, walking slowly, trying to elongate every step. But now that he’s here, he knows that there’s no turning back. He has to do this. Even if not just for the case, his mother deserves to know the truth.

Finally building up the courage, he knocks on the door.

Maryse answers almost immediately and before Alec gets to question anything more, she appears at in the door. There’s a smile on her face, but her expression falls a bit when she notices how tense and nervous Alec must look.

“Hi, son.” She tries for a cheerful tone anyway. “Come in.” She gestures him in and Alec enters with a small thankful nod.

The anxiety building up in his gut is rising with every second. Maryse eyes him curiously with wary eyes when she leads them to the living room, but doesn’t say anything just for now.

“How are you doing?” She asks when they get settled on the couch.

“Good,” Alec answers, praying for his voice not to tremble. “How are you? How’s Luke?”

“Oh, everything is great.” Maryse resorts simply, waving her hand dismissively, but Alec notices the small smile on her features when he mentions Luke. He can’t help but smile a bit himself, but he feels it disappear almost as soon as it appeared.

There’s another moment when none of them speaks. Alec desperately tries to think of a good entry point to finally start talking about what he’s come here to talk about. There’s no sense in stressing Maryse, and he really tries not to, but it isn’t easy to begin.

“Alright, son.” His mom clearly has had enough of his weird behaviour. “What’s going on? You sounded strange on the phone. Everything okay with Magnus?”

“Yeah, we’re good.” Alec replies with a nod, but bites his lips and hesitates.

“Okay, so what’s going on?” When Alec looks back at his mom he can see the worry she tries to hide. He knows her too well.

“I sort of need some… legal advice.” Alec begins uncertainly.

Maryse gives him a confused and inquisitive look, but there’s a hint of alarm on her face.

“Alec, are you in trouble-“ She tries, but Alec shakes his head and cuts her off.

“No I… I have this friend.” He finally decides to lay it all out. “He’s been… Well, there’s uh-, he’s been hurt.” Alec resorts and Maryse nods, not asking any questions, just listening. “He was raped.” He states and his mom’s expression turns a bit of terrified, but more just sad. “And the thing is, he doesn’t have money for a lawyer, and I was hoping maybe you could-“

“Of course, son.” He doesn’t even have to finish. Maryse already cuts in, she grabs his hand gently and nods. “Of course I’ll represent him. Tell him not to worry about the money.”

“Thank you,” Alec replies and squeezes Maryse’s hand back. “But it’s kind of not the whole thing.” He admits and his mom gives him a nod to go on. Alec takes a deep breath and continues. “It all happened at the college’s premises and the authorities covered it up. So it’s not only about the rape case but also the cover-up. My friend had been blackmail to agree to a plea deal, they offered him some amenities so that no one would find out. But he wants justice.”

“That’s awful.” Maryse comments, shaking her head lightly. “Alright, it does sound tough, but I’m sure we can handle it.” She assures him with a determined expression. “Could you tell me some more about the case? I’m aware that it must be hard for your friend, and you seem to know what happened. I just can’t believe such a thing happened at Columbia…”

“Mom,” Alec interrupts her gently. “It didn’t happen at Columbia.”

“Where then?” She asks confused.

“NYU.” Alec exhales heavily.

“How do you know people from NYU?” Maryse questions with a frown. “Who exactly is this friend, Alec?”

“It’s kind of complicated, mom.” Alec tries, but knows there’s no way to back out now, he has to tell her everything.

“I think you need to tell me, son.” Maryse just concludes.

“I know, I-, okay.” He breathes out. “The friend’s name is Josh. And the guys who did it to him is his ex-boyfriend.”

“Alright, but how do you know him?” Maryse inquires.

“Because the ex-boyfriend…” Alec hesitates again. His mom looks purely confused but desperately trying to get some sense of what Alec is saying. “He was my boyfriend some time ago.”

It takes a few moments for the information to sink it. Maryse’s expression seems to clear out a bit for a moment, but when she actually registers what Alec said, her features get painted by some kind of horror.

“So you’re saying… that the guy who raped your friend, and you were together.” She tries to sort everything out.

Alec nods but is not able to look at her.

Maryse lets out a gasp, that sounds both shocked and horrified. She absently tightens the hold on Alec’s hand and swallows thickly, before speaking again.

“Alec,” She begins in a serious tone. “Son, look at me.” She urges his head up with her palm and holds his face in her hand when she speaks. “Did that man did that to you too?”

“No, mom.” Alec shakes his head but closes his eyes. Maryse lets out a relieved breath, but Alec doesn’t let this moment of ease last long. “But he tried to.” He admits in a trembling voice. “He did hurt me.”

Maryse’s eyes turn glassy and Alec can feel the tears threatening to spill from his. His mother releases a heavy breath and pulls him into a hug, holding him close and running her hands through his hair. She lets out a quiet sob and Alec bites his lip not to release any sounds, but he lets a few tears flow down onto Maryse’ shoulder.

It feels like some tight fist loosens around his heart, now that he’s told her, but he feels terrible for making her feel like this, for seeing her cry. For not being strong enough to get out of this relationship when it started to get worse, for not being strong enough. It all comes back to him now. He let it get that far.

“When?” Maryse asks when she pulls back and takes his face between her palms again, wiping his tears away. Her make-up is smudged on her cheeks, but none of them cares about that right now. “When did that happen? Why didn’t you ever said anything?”

“It was at the beginning of college,” Alec recalls and sniffles lightly. “I told you I was seeing someone back then. It was him. Raj.”

“I remember.” Maryse nods to herself, her faces scrunched as she thinks and tries to recall the events. “But you weren’t really speaking about it.”

“I didn’t feel like I could,” Alec admits and shrugs. “You know dad, he never accepted the fact that I was gay, so I knew he would get mad if only I brought this up-“

“And I wasn’t supportive either,” Maryse says. Alec doesn’t reply. It’s true, but she doesn’t need to explicitly hear that. “I’m so sorry, son.” More tears are flowing down her cheeks as she speaks.

“Mom, it’s not your fault-“

“But if I made you feel safe enough if I created a home where you would… where you could just be yourself and… I can’t believe I was so blind.” She sobs again.

“Mom, there’s no point in what-ifs,” Alec speaks, trying for his voice not to shake too much. “It happened. We were all in a bad place back then, it was around the time we found out about Max.” He adds as Maryse hides her face in her palms and shakes her head. “It’s nobody’s fault, but his.” He repeats the words that Magnus said when he told him. Alec remembers the relief they brought back then, how good it felt to hear them when the one person he’s been blaming was he himself.

“Of course.” Maryse wipes at her eyes. “It isn’t your fault. In any point. But if I was just a bit more-“

“Mom, I wouldn’t tell anybody what was happening either way. I was too ashamed. Even Jace and Izzy didn’t know.” He attempts to reassure her a bit.

“You had nothing to be ashamed of, son,” Maryse says sympathetically. “He is the one who should be ashamed.”

“Now I know that,” Alec admits, his voice breaking a bit. “But I didn’t back then. It wasn’t always bad. It was great at the beginning, but then when Max… I had to be there for him, and Raj wouldn’t understand that. That’s when he started becoming aggressive towards me.”

“Couldn’t you report it somewhere?” His mom asks gently. “If you were afraid to talk to us-“

“I was too ashamed and embarrassed, mom,” Alec admits regretfully. “Then it became so common… I thought it was too late, I was scared.”

“But you still stayed with him?” Maryse half states, half asks, but Alec nods either way. “What made you leave eventually?”

Alec exhales heavily and bites his lip again. It’s almost bleeding at this point.

“You don’t have to tell me if it makes you uncomfortable,” Maryse says, but Alec sees that she’s a bit anxious to get the answer. But he appreciates her saying that. “I understand it must be hard for you.”

“I, yeah, it is,” Alec admits and Maryse sends him a sympathetic smile. “I guess what was the last straw… I know it sounds horrible, but I think I was used to him being violent at some point. But he… he tried to force me to have sex with him a lot of times when I wasn’t ready back then. One night he was just very aggressive about it and…” He pauses, not sure how to express this whole thing. “It was too close this time. I was actually terrified he might…” He doesn’t say it, but Maryse nods. “I left and never spoken to him again. And then he… well it’s a complicated story, he transferred to NYU, but then after the thing with Josh he was retransferred back to Columbia as a part of this deal so…”

He knows that it’s still pretty incomplete, but he feels incredibly, emotionally drained now. He just exhales heavily, not sure if he’s able to go on today.

“Wait, so you’re telling me that this man is back at your university and you have to be around him?” Maryse questions then, something among anger in her tone. Alec nods. “This is ridiculous. He can’t be anywhere close you-“

“Mom, I’ve been through it with Magnus, Izzy and Jace. They gave me a lecture, I promise. But I know what I’m doing. I can handle this. And if we win this case, he’s going to end up in prison anyway.”

“_When_ we win this case.” Maryse corrects him. “I’m not letting this bastard get away with anything he did to you and to that boy.” She resorts stubbornly. “Your siblings knew about this?”

“I told them after that night I left him,” Alec recalls how devastated they all felt back then. “Don’t be mad they never told you. I asked them not to-“

“I get it.” Maryse nods, but there’s some sadness in her eyes. “I really do.”

There’s a moment of silence and then Alec decides to break it.

“Look, mom, I think it might be the chance to finally bring him to justice.” He states, a hint of confidence slipping into his tone. “But I need your help. I know I can’t handle it alone. So please, help me.”

Maryse takes his hand again and nods surely. Now Alec can see the determination clearly on her face. He sees the great lawyer, Maryse Lightwood, ready for anything, no matter what they’re going to throw at her. She’s going to do everything to win this.

Alec really needs this now.

“Tell me everything you know about this case, son.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for taking the time to read! Do you think it was the right call to ask Maryse to help with the case? Should Alec just admit to Magnus everything that his father said to him, so he can see that Asmodeus could be up to something not good? Let me know your thoughts! It's always lovely to read them. I'll see you next week!


	16. The Hectic Times

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus has an honest talk with Catarina, he and Alec finally enjoy some time alone. Later Asmodeus tries to plant another seed of doubt...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello,  
I know how you all hate Asmodeus, so here's more of him! ;) The action needs to keep going guys. WARNINGS: sexual content. Malec try something new in the bedroom, so things get a bit heated ;) Hope you'll like it!
> 
> Enjoy the read!

“So, I’m the last one finding out about this?”

Catarina tries to keep her voice non-accusatory, but Magnus can hear the hint of allegation there. Well, she has a right to be mad, but in the end, it was all his decision.

It feels like he’s spent the last week on just telling everyone about his father. First the banquet with Alec’s family, then he decided to reveal the news at work and now, to Cat.

It was just too risky if some people knew and the others didn’t. Magnus wanted everyone to find out from him, not some gossiping whispers around. The point he managed to achieve, but there was some shock and disappointed form his friends, that they’ve only found out now. But in the end, Magnus knows that they understand, especially after he revealed the hard past that he’s had with his father.

He invited Cat with Madzie over for dinner tonight. The little girl and Alec are currently playing on the floor, so Magnus could have an honest conversation with Catarina on the living room's couch.

After taking in all of the information Magnus poured onto her just a moment ago, his friend just sits quietly and shakes her head, as if not everything has sunk in yet.

“I mean… I’ve been slowly telling everyone now.” Magnus tries. “It just kind of came crushing on me. Alec and I had only decided that we’re going to wait to tell his family because that was something I wanted to, and then there was this banquet and I was forced to tell them-“

“Okay but… why didn’t you want to tell?” Catarina inquires gently.

“Because I wasn’t sure if there’s going to be anything from this.” He explains.

“And now you are?”

“I think I am.” Magnus exhales as he admits. “I mean… He’s really trying Cat. I think he deserves a chance.”

Catarina sends him a sympathetic smile and rests her palm on top of his lightly.

“It’s okay. I’m glad you took your time and that you’ve finally told all of us.” She says honestly. “And I’m happy you had Alec to go through this. It’s a good thing you told him from the start.”

“Yeah, I know,” Magnus admits and his eyes wander to his boyfriend, whose engaged into some game Madzie must have come up with. He can’t stop the fond smile from spreading on his face. “I learnt the hard way, how much of a strain secrets can put on a relationship.”

“Glad to see you’re not making the same mistakes then.” Cat clasps him on the shoulder, still smiling. Magnus chuckles warmly.

“Can’t allow myself to make any mistakes with him.” He more whispers to himself, but Cat nods anyway, she too turning to look at her daughter having fun.

“Mommy, I won!” Madzie screams and then throws herself into a run to end up in Catarina’s arms, Alec soon joining them.

“Well, I stood no chances.” He shrugs and sits down on the couch next to Magnus since he must have noticed that the most serious part of the conversation is done.

Then the topics turn to lighter tones, the stress slowly rolling off of Magnus as he listens to his best friend and boyfriend exchange some anecdotes with Madzie inquiring about some words she’s not sure the meaning of. The rest of the evening is very relaxed, and Magnus didn’t really know how much he’s needed something like this after the recent week.

They’re laughing at yet another story Catarina shares about some patient at the hospital when Alec’s phone buzzes in his pocket.

“It’s my mom. I better pick that up.” He says and gets up from the couch to answer the call, but not before placing a soft kiss on Magnus’ cheek. Magnus watches after him with a smile.

Last Wednesday Alec introduced Maryse to Josh and they’ve officially started working properly on the case. She and Alec have been in contact nonstop since currently, they are preparing a lawsuit against the college’s authorities. Magnus doesn’t know the details, probably wouldn’t be able to understand everything about the whole legal aspect of it anyway, but what he gets, is that it’s tones of hard work to put everything into words correctly.

So, Alec’s been busy.

He’s been too. With work, and making sure that Alec isn’t pushing himself too hard.

And there’s also his dad.

Magnus really tried to find something suspicious about him, after Alec had shared his worries with him. He does appreciate that he’s being honest with him, but he didn’t notice anything to worry about. He trusts Alec’s judgement, but there are no grounds for why his dad’s motives could not be genuine.

He tries not to worry about it too much. When he spends time with Asmodeus, they rarely talk about Alec. His dad, of course, asks how his boyfriend is doing, but that’s basically it, and it might be for the best.

“Everything good?” Catarina asks and Magnus shakes off from his thoughts quickly.

“Yeah, sure.” He tries to smile, but his friend sends him an unimpressed glare. Madzie is back to playing on the floor, so that grants them another moment of privacy.

“I can see something isn’t right, Magnus.” She states as he exhales heavily. Is he really that obvious when it comes to Alec and his case? He has to learn to somehow mask these emotions, but he’s known Cat for too long to try and hide something from her. “Alec is just talking to his mom, I’m sure it’s fine.” She tries.

“That’s kind of the point, Cat.” He admits and she looks at him confusingly. He lets out another exhale and explains furthermore. “Alec is taking on his first case and Maryse is helping him.”

“That’s great!” Catarina resorts proudly. “I mean, aren’t you proud? He’s so young and already on the right track to be an amazing lawyer.”

“Of course I am proud of him, but…” He pauses for a moment. He knows it’s not his place to tell Cat anything, but sometimes he feels as if he’s going to blow up if he doesn’t have someone to share his worries with. Alec is always reassuring him, but subconsciously, Magnus wants someone to share his concerns with. He can’t tell Cat everything, but even if he shares just a tiny bit he’ll feel better. “This case he took on, it kind of hits too close to home for him. I mean… I just don’t want him to get lost in it and start to relive some of his worst memories…” He lowers his voice a bit, but Alec’s in the kitchen, so he can’t hear anyway.

“Okay, I think I see what you mean,” Catarina says, stopping his rumbling. “And you do have a point.” She agrees. “But try to think of it as some sort of… preparation maybe?” Magnus frowns at her, but then she continues. “Look, he’s going to have to take unpleasant cases sometime soon. And now, he has his mom to help, but later… It might be good to have some guidance at the beginning. And you trust him, right?”

“Of course I do.”

“Exactly. So he’ll tell you when it’s too much. Or he’ll slow down.” She reassures confidently.

Magnus just nods, because he knows she’s right. It still doesn’t stop his worries though.

“Yeah, mom just send me this, so I can look it through. Wait, I have to get the file.” Alec says to the phone when he re-enters the living room for a brief second, only to disappear in the bedroom the next one. When he emerges back he’s holding his laptop in one hand along with some file. “Wait a second.” He speaks to Maryse again and then turns to Magnus. “This may take a while, I’m sorry-“ He starts apologizingly, but both Magnus and Catarina dismiss him with a wave of a hand.

“Do you need some space here?” Cat asks and gestures around the coffee table.

“No, it’s fine. I’ll be in the kitchen.” He announces and heads into said room.

“You got yourself a busy man.” Catarina states with a teasing smile and Magnus laughs.

“Don’t I know it.”

“Where’s Alec?” Madzie asks sadly when she looks around and doesn’t spot him, too engrossed in her own activities to notice their exchange before.

“He has to do some work.” Magnus tells her.

“The superhero work?” She asks astonished. “Mom, you know Alec is a superhero?”

“I certainly didn’t know that, but that sounds great.” The woman replies, side-eyeing Magnus for an explanation.

“Yeah! Uncle Magnus said he’s bringing people to justice. A superhero!” Her daughter squeals excitedly with shining eyes.

“Well yes, Alec has some important superhero work to do.” Magnus just goes along with it and shrugs when Catarina gives him a look.

“But who’s going to play with me now?” Madzie questions, much more dully now.

“Uncle Magnus gladly will,” Cat says and ushers her friend to the floor to join her daughter. “We can’t interrupt Alec’s superhero work, can we?”

Madzie is almost asleep on Catarina’s lap after another hour of playing every game she could come up with. Magnus and Cat are still indulged into some conversation and he has to admit, that it feels nice to share a few of his worries and have another person agree with them, or just reassure him. He’s not gonna lie that he’s not scared about how Alec’s case will unfold. Any scenario of Alec and Raj meeting fills him with dread that he’s desperately trying to keep under the surface. He tries not to think about this, but he’s pretty sure it is due to happen one day, sooner or later.

“I think we should go.” Catarina half whispers to him a bit later. She carefully gets up from the couch not to wake her daughter up. “Say goodbye to Alec from us. We wouldn’t like to disturb him now.”

“Yeah, he wasn’t kidding when he said it might take a while.” Magnus resorts lightly and his friend chuckles. “Thank you for today.” He hugs her gently.

“I’m always here, remember. You can talk to me.” She promises and he nods as he walks them to the door, declaring to meet another time, very soon.

Magnus closes the door behind his guests and heads to the kitchen to see if Alec’s still working, or if he’s fallen asleep over his computer.

It wouldn’t be the first time.

But when he enters the kitchen he sees his boyfriend still working, sitting at the stool by the kitchen island, typing something onto his laptop, a stake of documents spread all over the kitchen counter. Alec doesn’t notice him right away, he never does when he’s deep into work, so he makes his way closer and decides to wrap his arms around Alec from behind. His boyfriend leans into him a bit more but doesn’t stop his work.

“How long till you’ll be done?” He asks and nuzzles into his neck.

“Seems like never…” Alec trails off as he deletes and rewrites another sentence. “Where are Cat and Madzie?”

“They left a while ago.” Magnus answers and it makes Alec pause.

“Wait, what time is it?” He questions.

“Darling, there is this little clock in the corner, here.” Magnus points at his computer screen, chuckling lightly.

“What… Oh my God, I’m so sorry. I totally lost track of time, I just wanted to finish this-“ Alec starts, sounding horrified and guilty.

“It’s fine, love.” Magnus kisses the top of his head. “They didn’t want to disturb you.”

“I’m sorry-“

“It’s okay.” He assures yet again and Alec finally relaxes a bit, letting out a long exhale. “But I do think you’ve had enough for today.”

“I’m still not done…” Alec tries, but Magnus shakes his head.

“You’ll finish tomorrow when your head will be clear.” He states and closes his computer, not paying any mind to Alec’s weak protests. He can see that his boyfriend has really had enough.

Alec closes his eyes and leans back into Magnus’ arms, relaxing even more and for a while, none of them speaks anything. Just basking into each other’s warmth and the feeling of having each other close.

Magnus has missed it a bit. Alec’s so busy recently, both of them are and they barely have a minute to just enjoy being with each other recently. So to finally be able to close his eyes and feel Alexander close is all he wants tonight.

“Let’s go to bed.” He proposes gently and Alec nods.

“I have to clean up here.” His boyfriend says and when Magnus opens his eyes, he’s reminded of the piles of papers spread all over the kitchen counter.

“Looks like you need an office, darling.” Magnus says with a hint of laugh and Alec mirrors the sounds.

“Kind of.” He agrees.

“Maybe we should transform the guest room into an office?” He offers then.

“You’re serious?” Alec inquiries with a small frown.

Magnus shrugs because it isn’t such a bad idea.

“Why not?” He starts. “You need office space, and you’ll only need it more when you’ll become the best lawyer in New York.” Alec snorts, but Magnus continues. “And if someone wants to stay over, there’s always the couch. I work from home sometimes too, so it would for sure be useful. And we wouldn’t disturb each other if one of us decides to stay up late and catch up on some work.”

“Are you trying to chase me out of the bedroom?” Alec asks teasingly.

“I would never dream of that, angel. Our bedroom is where I want you all the time.” He states and Alec laughs. “Like right now.” He kisses Alec’s neck and smiles against his skin when his boyfriend turns his head to grant him more access.

“I really should clean this up…” Alec’s voice sounds more breathy now.

“Leave it.” Magnus says and tightens his arms around him.

“You can be very convincing, you know?”

“Oh, I do know,” Magnus admits and Alec laughs again. “Come on, let’s go to bed.” He takes his hand and pulls him up from the seat.

“You want to go to sleep?” Alec asks and bites his lip lightly.

“Darling, going to bed doesn’t exactly mean sleeping…” Magnus trails off and leads them to the bedroom. When they finally reach the destination, he closes the door behind them and turns to bring Alec closer by his hips, kissing him deeply till he moans in his mouth. “I’ve missed you, you’re so busy recently…”

“Am I neglecting you?” Alec teases and Magnus chuckles from where he’s ravishing his neck with kisses again.

“A bit, to be honest.” He replies in an equally teasing tone.

“Then we’ll have to fix that,” Alec says and pushes him down on the bed. Before Magnus knows it, he climbs to straddle his lap and takes off his shirt. “Is it better?”

“Not that bad…” Magnus resorts playfully and rests his palms on Alec’s naked chest. “But I think I need more.”

“Well…” Alec’s hands sneak underneath Magnus’ shirt and he knows to raise his arms so he can pull it off. “That can be arranged.” Alec smirks.

As soon as he strips him down of his shirt, he leans down to explore his chest with his tongue. Magnus’ hands wander to Alec’s hair and he tangles his fingers into his dark locks, letting out an appreciating hum. He lets himself just lay and relax, letting Alec do all the work, but he cannot help but want more, so soon he reaches for Alec’s hips and starts to undo his belt buckle.

Alec only pulls back and grins back at him. Magnus is sure his face is currently supporting the same expression.

“Wait.” Alec climbs off of him to get both of them rid of their pants, but a few seconds later he’s back on top of him, leaning down and kissing him on the mouth.

Magnus’ hands travel back down to Alec’s hips and he guides his movements as Alec starts to grind down on him. He pulls back from the kiss with a breathy gasp but keeps his forehead pressed to Magnus’ as he rolls his hips a bit harder and they both moan softly.

Alec braces his arms at the sides of Magnus’ head and kisses him again, hard and sloppy, just the way Magnus wants to be kissed right now. He really missed having Alec like this. All to himself and so, so close.

“I think we need to skip to the next part, darling.” Magnus breathes out when they part for the kiss. “Because I’m afraid I’m not gonna last long if you keep doing that.” He admits as Alec continues to roll his hips.

“You missed me that much?” Alec pulls back and grinds down even harder, earning himself another moan from Magnus. He just smirks down at him.

The freaking tease he is.

Magnus can’t manage anything more than a nod, because his boyfriend looks way too hot right now to be arguing with him. There are just better things to do.

And besides, Alec is right. He missed him and he wants him, there’s no denying it.

He brings Alec back into a kiss and slides his palms down under his boxer’s briefs. Alec hums against his mouth and somehow they shift to get out of the remaining clothes. The friction is even better when it’s a skin on skin contact. And Magnus can’t deny himself kissing Alec for even a second, so he blindly reaches to the bedside table to grab the stuff they will need because it’s starting to feel like torture that he’s still not inside his boyfriend yet.

After a few miserable attempts, he finally manages to get the lube and condoms out of the drawer and throws them on the bed next to them. Alec has switched to place sucking kisses onto his neck and Magnus pulls gently at his hair from how good it feels. He’s going to see a mark or two there tomorrow, but it’s not like he cares anyway.

He grabs the lube, but then suddenly Alec pulls back.

“Wait.” He says breathlessly and Magnus immediately stops everything. Alec pulls back a bit and Magnus already misses having him pressed so tightly to himself, but gives him some space anyway. Alec clears his throat and doesn’t look at Magnus when he speaks. “I’ve been thinking.”

“About what, darling?” Magnus questions softly, sweeping some of the loose hair from Alec’s forehead. “Hey, look at me.” He urges Alec’s head up with his fingers under his chin. “You know you can tell me everything, right?”

Alec nods but bites his lip in a nervous habit. Magnus gives him an encouraging smile. Even if he would like to do other things than talking, he won’t be able to enjoy it, if Alec is totally somewhere else.

“Okay, I…” Alec starts and exhales. “I was wondering… would you ever consider… I mean, would you be up to trying…”

“Angel.” Magnus just smiles at him again, for the way he can’t seem to find his way with words.

“I was thinking if we could try having sex without a condom.” Alec finally admits and Magnus’ eyes widen a bit because it wasn’t really what he was expecting. Well, he didn’t actually know what to expect, but still. “It’s totally off if you don’t want it.” Alec continues to rumble, probably noticing Magnus surprised expression. “I guess I’m just curious how it feels? And I feel… I don’t know. I’d just like to try it, but if you don’t then that’s fine. That’s totally okay-“

“Darling, I didn’t say I don’t want it.” Magnus interrupts gently. He places his palm delicately on Alec’s cheek and his boyfriend leans into his touch. “I do want to try it with you. I just wasn’t expecting such an offer.” He chuckles lightly, which seems to relax Alec a bit. “And I’ve also never done this before.” He admits.

“Really?” Alec asks narrowing his eyes.

Considering all of Magnus _experience,_ as Alec calls it, it’s not like he’s been in a lot of long-lasting relationships. There were only a few, including Camille, but he’s never felt the need, or want, to get this kind of intimate and close to somebody. And considering all of his one-night stands, there was never an option of not using protection. Thinking about it, it somehow makes him feel vulnerable. But Alec’s always been different and the fact that he’d want to try this with him warms Magnus’ heart at some point.

He just nods to Alec’s question.

“Well, I haven’t either, obviously.” Alec says then and bites his lip again. “But I’d really want to try, with you. And I’ve never been with anyone other than you, so I’m clean and all that.”

“I am too, I get tested regularly, and I’ve always used protection as I’ve said.” Magnus resorts and Alec nods lightly.

“So… you’re up for it?” He asks.

“You want to try now?” Magnus inquires.

“Yeah… I mean, if you do too-“ Before he gets to finish the sentence, Magnus is already pulling him down for a kiss.

“Does it answer your question?” He asks in between kisses and Alec smiles. “You wanna top or bottom?”

“I want to feel you inside me.” Alec says and it sets yet another fire under Magnus’ skin. Not wasting any more time, he reaches for the lube and pours it on his fingers. Pulling back and receiving an affirmative nod from Alec, he slides the first finger in.

Alec hides his face in Magnus’ neck as he moans. By the time Magnus has three fingers in him, he’s already panting, and well Magnus is no better since Alec is still rocking into his lap and ravishing his neck with kisses.

“You’re doing okay?” Magnus questions breathlessly.

“Yeah, don’t stop.” Alec pants out as Magnus guides his fingers further. “Fuck. I’m ready.” He breathes out.

“Okay.” Magnus gently pulls his fingers out, kissing the side of Alec’s head when he hears him whine. “Do you want to…” He wants to suggest changing the position, but Alec shakes his head.

“Let’s stay like this, okay?”

“I would never say no to you, my love,” Magnus replies and admires the beautiful blush colouring Alec’s cheeks. “You’re sure?” He inquires when Alec positions himself to take him in.

“If you are.” Alec says and waits.

Magnus lets out an exhale, but there’s actually nothing to dwell on. He’ll always want to get the closest to Alec he can. It’s just another way to do it. Somewhere inside there’s a little bubble of excitement brewing. Because it’s something new, and he’s always loved exploring with Alec. Especially when it’s a first for both of them.

He leans in and steals a quick kiss from Alec’s lips as he nods.

“I am.” He says with a smile.

“Okay.” Alec mirrors his expression.

Magnus’ hands once more find their purchase on Alec’s hips and he gently guides him down. Alec hisses lightly at the first breach as Magnus enters him, but it quickly turns into a moan.

Magnus takes a moment to just feel. It's different. But not bad, definitely not bad. It’s just like there are no layers between them, like merging into one. And it feels so good.

It gets even better when Alec starts to move. And if it was good before, it’s amazing now.

“Fuck,” Magnus curses when he begins to match Alec’s movements. “so good.”

Alec nods and then throws his head back with a moan. Bracing his palms on Magnus’ chest, he moves faster, chasing the feeling, the pleasure running high between them.

Magnus can’t take his eyes off the exquisite sight his boyfriend makes. His palms move, mapping his body, already knowing every curve and every muscle.

“Magnus,” Alec gasps out, his eyes rolling into his head from the pleasure. “oh, fuck.”

With some sudden burst of adrenaline, Magnus brings him down for a kiss, cradles him all to himself and turns around their positions, so Alec is under him with Magnus in between his legs. Still connected and now even closer. He laces their hands and rests them on the bed, on the sides of Alec’s head. His boyfriend looks totally fucked out and God, isn’t that a sight Magnus loves so much, he just has to lean down and kiss him.

Alec’s moans make him moves even faster and thrust into him even harder. He bites down on his boyfriend’s neck, marking him the same way he did. Alec locks his legs around his waist, bringing him even closer. Their breathing becomes more shallow, moves more erratic and Magnus feels that he’s almost on edge now. He tries to untangle their hands to bring his palm in between them and get Alec off, but his boyfriend shakes his head.

“I’m gonna come like this.” He says. “Just don’t stop.”

“I’m close.” Magnus admits with a groan.

“Me too.” Alec just gives him a spent smile, looking more content than ever.

“Do you want me to-“ Magnus tries to asks, not stopping his movements.

“Stay inside.” Alec pants out and Magnus hides his moan in his neck, driving into him over and over again until he feels himself spilling inside, riding his high out with a few deep rolls of his hips.

Alec climbs over the edge not even a second later. He moans Magnus’ name out loud, tightening the hold on his hand with his knuckles turning almost white. Then, the sound of their harsh breathing is the only thing that can be heard in the room.

None of them seems to be able to move for a few long seconds. When Magnus finally unclenches his head from Alec’s neck, he sees his boyfriend already looking at him with a tired, but the most satisfied smile.

“That was…” Magnus tries between his heavy breathing. “wow.”

“Yeah,” Alec admits. “wow.”

They both chuckle breathlessly and Alec leans in lightly to place a sweet kiss to his mouth. Magnus keeps him closer with a hand on his neck and kisses him yet again, not wanting to disconnect their lips for even a second.

“I’m gonna pull out, okay?” He asks between another kiss and Alec nods. Then he delicately withdraws his hips back, swallowing Alec’s whine.

“Oh my God.” Alec resorts then, breathing out against his lips.

“You’re okay?” Magnus inquires, running a hand through his messy hair.

“I’m great.” Alec nods. “It’s just… literally dripping out of me and I’m pretty sure we’re ruining the sheets.”

Magnus laughs along with him and presses their lips together again.

“But it feels good?”

“Even if a bit weird, then it’s good weird.” Alec states. “Definitely something I’d like to repeat.” He admits with a smirk. “Thank you, for agreeing and trying.” He says genuinely.

“Always, my love.” Magnus pecks him on the lips and hugs a bit tighter. “And for the record, I enjoyed it too and would very much like a rerun.”

“Great.” Alec resorts with a smile. “I love you.”

“I love you too. So much.”

The next day at work Magnus has way too much to do than he’s capable of doing, as always recently.

Going to work used to be enjoyable for him. He was glad he could spend some time with Dot, later with Aline and Helen too. But since the mess with Camille and this whole collaboration thing, things have been going downhill for him.

He gets startled when his phone starts to vibrate on the worktop next to him. Picking up the call, he sees that it’s his dad.

“Hello?”

“Hello, son,” Asmodeus says cheerfully. “How is your day going?”

“Busy,” Magnus admits with a sigh. “But it’s boring work stuff. How are you doing?” He actually should get back to work, but he doesn’t feel like it. And maybe a little break will clear his head a bit?

“I’m good, thank you.” His dad replies politely. “I was hoping we could meet today. Would you find some time for your old man?”

“I’m not sure…” Magnus resorts with another heavy exhale. “Things are hectic at work and I-“

“Oh, son. You definitely need to relax.” Asmodeus announces over the phone. “What do you say we go out and get some drinks tonight? Just to talk and relieve some stress.”

“I don’t know, father…” Magnus hesitates.

“Come on! I miss you. You barely have time for me recently. I get that you have a life, but…” His father trails off.

And Magnus thinks, fuck it.

He can do something for himself at times.

“Okay.” He agrees eventually.

“Okay?” Asmodeus questions, quite taken aback, as if he was expecting more resistance from him.

“Yeah. You’re a part of my life too. I need to find the balance to reconcile all of it.” Magnus states confidently. “I can show you my favourite bar tonight. I’ll send you the location and meet you there?”

“Sounds good to me.” Asmodeus resorts happily. “I’ll see you tonight then.”

“Yeah, see you. Bye.” Magnus ends the phone call.

He’s just about to get back to work when there’s a voice calling out his name.

“Magnus,” Raphael is heading over to him when Magnus turns to see him entering the lab. “I’ve been thinking about your request.” The boss states when he gets to Magnus’ workspace.

“And?” Magnus prompts. He’s still mad at him for how easily he let the proposition slide and underestimated the problem. But if he’s been thinking about it, then maybe not all is lost.

“We’ll do it. We’ll get some more scientist to help you. I’ve got my team on searching for some suitable candidates. I’ll let you know when we’ll find someone and then I’ll want you to check them out, okay?” The boss states firmly.

“Yeah, sure.” Magnus answers. “Thanks for giving it a go.”

Raphael just nods sharply and begins to walk away.

Magnus knows his friend, and he knows that he tends to hide his emotions with his eternal poker face. But recently Magnus has noticed the perfectly formed façade breaking apart. And he’s not sure what emotions are trying to come to the surface, but he’s almost certain that no good ones.

“Raphael!” Magnus calls out and his friend stops to turn to him, giving him a questioning look. “Is everything okay?” He asks, truly concerned.

“Everything’s good. Nothing to worry about.” Raphael answers shortly and then he’s back on his way out.

Magnus looks after him until he disappears through the door, let with a weird feeling that not everything is good, that almost nothing is good.

“What’s up with him?” Dot questions, pointing to the door where Raphael has just left and frowning.

“I don’t know,” Magnus replies honestly. “But nothing good for sure.”

“Should we try talking to him?” Dot offers then.

“I’m pretty sure he won’t tell us anyway.” Magnus resorts sadly. “Let’s give him a bit more time.” He states and Dot nods. “But we are getting help, though.” He adds and his friend smiles at him. “Raphael and his team are looking for some chemists. It might take a while, but it’s still progress.”

“Yeah, it’s a lot.” Dot agrees. “I’m glad to see that he’s come to his senses.”

“Me too,” Magnus says, but then shakes his head. “But something still doesn’t feel right.”

Dot lays her palm on Magnus’ shoulder reassuringly.

“As you said, let’s wait a bit. Maybe he’ll come along. He knows he can talk to us.” She resorts, to which Magnus nods.

He really hopes that Raphael knows that. No matter how rocky their relationship has been recently, Magnus will always be there for him. They’ve been friends for so long, that he’s not letting it go so easily.

After that, he does get back to work, but when lunchtime approaches, he decides that he needs some time away from the lab, even if just for a while, so he chooses to call Alec to see if he’s free. He picks up almost immediately, which means he’s probably on break in between the lectures.

“Hi, babe.” He greets softly when he answers the call. “Everything okay at work?”

“Hello, my love. Yes, everything is good, thank you for asking.” Magnus replies with a smile. “I was wondering if you’re free for lunch in a while?”

“I can’t, I’m sorry.” Alec’s voice drops a bit and he does sound genuinely sorry. “Lydia and I are working on a restraining order for Josh and it needs to be ready like asap. We need to finish it tonight.”

“It’s okay, angel.” Magnus means it but can’t help the change in his voice.

“I’m really sorry-“ Alec tries, but Magnus interrupts him.

“It’s fine. I know it’s important.” He resorts. He does, but he hates this feeling that Alec may be growing a bit apart from him because of this case. He tries to tell himself, that it will pass because it will. That’s one of the things he loves about Alec, how devoted and always ready to help he is. He’s not someone who’s gonna stop him from pursuing his dream career. “Just make sure to eat something, okay?”

“Yeah, don’t worry about me,” Alec says, but Magnus will always worry and he knows that. “I’ll try to be home at a reasonable hour so maybe we could order some take out and watch a movie or something?” He proposes.

“I’d love that, darling. But actually, I’m meeting with my dad tonight.” Magnus replies.

“Oh, okay.” It’s Alec’s turn to sound a bit put off, but he swiftly recovers. “I hope you’ll have fun then. I’ll see you at home?”

“Of course. I miss you, love.” Magnus says softly.

“I miss you too. Gotta go now, love you.” Alec responds quickly.

“Love you too.” Magnus manages to answer before cutting the call.

Seems that they’re both having busy days today. As well as the last few days too.

When Magnus gets home, Alec’s already back, which makes him happy, because he was scared they would miss each other before he went out with his dad. And he did miss his boyfriend, so it’s always nice to see him, even if for a short while.

“Hello, darling,” Magnus announces as he enters the living room, where Alec is currently seated on the couch. He leans down to press a kiss to his cheek. “How was school?”

“Alright.” Alec nods as Magnus settles on the couch next to him.

“Did you finish what you had to?”

“Yep, I sent it over to mom to check it out, but I’m pretty sure me and Lydia nailed it.” He admits with a proud smile and Magnus kisses him again. He loves the see the beaming confidence from him.

“I’m sure you did.” He states against his lips and pecks him one more time.

“How was work?” Alec questions then.

“Good, actually,” Magnus says with a slow nod and Alec throws him a dazed look because it’s not a statement he’s been hearing a lot lately. “Yeah. Turns out, Raphael has considered my request and he’s going to hire some new scientist.”

“That’s great!” Alec exclaims.

“Yeah, I know. It still may take a while, because we need well-qualified staff, but at least it’s a step forward.”

“Yeah, a big one.” Alec agrees and smiles, which Magnus mirrors. Then his eyes rest on the clock on the wall and he notices it’s almost the time he’s supposed to meet his father and there’s still a bit of a distance to get to the Hunter’s Moon.

“Alright, but I actually have to go now. I’m set up with my dad soon.” Magnus announces as he gets up from the couch.

“Okay,” Alec says simply, but his smile fades a bit. “Where are you headed?”

“The Hunter’s Moon.” Magnus replies.

“Do you know when you’ll be back?” Alec questions next.

“Not sure,” Magnus admits. “But we’re probably just going to have a few drinks, talk a bit. Nothing to worry about, angel.” He kisses the top of Alec’s head. “What are you planning to do?”

“Probably some work.” Alec sighs.

“You should relax.” Magnus resorts. “One evening won’t hurt anybody.”

“Maybe.”

Magnus just rolls his eyes but smiles fondly at his boyfriend.

“Alright, I really have to go.” Magnus rushes around to grab some stuff and when he’s sure he’s ready to go, he goes back to kiss his boyfriend goodbye.

“Have fun,” Alec says when he’s on his way out. “And be careful. Love you!”

“Love you too, darling.” Magnus replies with a smile as he leaves.

He realises, that he does need some time to relax.

They’re on their third drink when the conversation turns a bit deeper. Magnus has no idea why his father chose to open up about more serious subject when they’re on the right track to getting drunk, but his head does feel too dizzy to care.

So far, they’ve just been talking about work, living in New York and all of the mundane stuff they always talk about when they meet.

But Asmodeus seems nostalgic today, or the third whiskey is making him nostalgic.

“I mean, I’m just so happy to see you have your life settled here!” He admits after taking a sip of his drink. “How are things with Alexander?” He prompts then.

“All good.” Magnus swirls his drink and his father gives him an unimpressed look. He shrugs. “What? I said everything is okay.”

“Are you sure?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“I don’t know,” Asmodeus answers lightly. “Have you ever thought if this is, you know like, for life? Or you aren’t settled on this yet?”

Magnus exhales as he tries for his answer. The alcohol seems to loosen his tongue a bit.

“I do think it’s for life.” He admits. “I’ve never met anyone like Alexander. I love him so much, even with all of his issues.”

“Issues?” Asmodeus inquires.

“Oh, you know. We all have some. Nobody’s perfect, right?” He replies with a question.

“Of course not.” His father complies. “Can I be honest with you?”

“Sure.” Magnus allows and Asmodeus turns a bit forward towards him on his stool at the bar.

“I think Alexander is a wonderful man.” He starts, but Magnus can feel some ‘but’ coming. “But not for you.”

“Why do you think that?” Magnus can’t help the hint of a laugh in his tone. His dad is literally the only person who thinks that they don’t fit together, which he finds a bit funny. He’s never felt like he and Alec weren’t good together.

“Well, I don’t know.” Asmodeus sighs. “As I said, I’m so glad you’re settled here and he’s… well, he’s not.”

“But Alec knows what he wants to do, he’s just on his way.” Magnus responds casually.

“Yeah and that’s the thing.” Asmodeus begins now, after drowning the rest of his glass. “Don’t you think that he’s a bit… no, let me rephrase it, do you think he’s mature enough for you?”

Magnus snorts.

“Father, sometimes he’s the more mature one out of the two of us,” Magnus admits. “Alec is… he’s been through a lot and I do think he’s very mature for his age. Maybe even a bit too much at times. But I’ve never minded it.”

“So he’s got some emotional baggage?” Asmodeus questions then.

“What?” Magnus frowns.

“Well, you keep mentioning his ‘issues’, and that he’s ‘been through a lot’,” He makes the air quotes at the parts he’s taken from Magnus’ statement. “Isn’t he a bit too much?”

“No.” Magnus answer immediately. He knows that it’s something Alec worries about a lot, about being too much for Magnus to handle. He nearly broke up with him only because of that fact. Magnus won’t ever let him think that he’s too much. He’s not. He’s all that Magnus needs. “No, he’s not.”

“I didn’t mean to offend you, or him in any way-“ Asmodeus starts, but Magnus shakes his head and waves his head dismissively at his words.

“It’s fine dad.” He resorts. “I know you want the best for me-“

“That’s right. I’m just making sure he’s good for you. But if you say so, then I have no right to interfere in your relationship.” Asmodeus resorts and Magnus nods.

He appreciates it. Whatever his dad may have against Alec, he still respects him and their relationship. Even if Magnus doesn’t see the reasons why either Asmodeus or Alec may not like each other, he doesn’t want to question it today. It would only ruin the mood.

So they just order another drink. And many more after, to let the conversation flow.

“Hey, are you sure you don’t want to come and work for Alicante?” Magnus asks later, his words a bit tangling up together, which prompts a laugh from his dad.

“Thank you, son, but I do have to decline.” He replies politely and claps his hand on Magnus’ shoulder. “However, I may have found some job.”

“That’s great! Why weren’t you saying anything from the start?”

“It’s still in the early stages.” Asmodeus resorts. “And I actually need to talk to you about it, but maybe when you’re not drunk…”

“Oh, you’re no better!” Magnus just laughs along with him.

“Can’t fully disagree.” His father shrugs. “So… another one?”

Magnus nods and Asmodeus turns to the bartender to order drinks. Magnus smiles to himself. He’s not sure if it’s the alcohol, or the atmosphere, or the fact that he finally has a father, a great father. But he feels really happy. Like, very much.

He’ll drink to that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Comment your thoughts and theories down below, I always love to read them :) All I can say is, enjoy the fluff while it lasts, because we may be entering the angst zone pretty soon... I'll see you next week!


	17. The Anger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Because of Magnus' recent behaviour, Alec has some honest conversations with his siblings. Not only about his relationship. Things move forward with the trial.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello :)  
So, some angst is on the way, as you've probably been feeling. I'll let you decide who's in the right and who's in the wrong (but it's pretty obvious). When it comes to WARNINGS: talks about past abusive relationship, Alec's anxiety gets mentioned too. 
> 
> Enjoy the read!

After Magnus leaves, Alec does literally nothing.

His boyfriend’s idea to relax was a good one, but what he would like much more, is to relax with him.

But he knows he doesn’t have a right to be bitter. He’s been the one to turn down Magnus’ propositions recently, because of how much work he’s got on the case.

And of course, it’s such an unfortunate twist of fate that on the only free evening he has, his boyfriend had to meet his dad.

Alec’s not bitter. He can’t be. And he really tries to understand Magnus’ and Asmodeus’ relation, but the suspicious feeling he’s got about his boyfriend’s dad isn’t going away. Alec knows he can’t ban Magnus from seeing him, but if he had the power to do it, he would.

The truth is, he’s scared and anxious. All of the stuff Asmodeus told him, all of the words are still floating through his head. He knows it’s not true, but on the other hand, what if he tries to somehow lie away his reputation? What if he says something to Magnus, that will make him change the way he sees Alec, doubt his love for him, or make him reconsider his feelings?

It’s just too much and he needs these thoughts to stop.

Alec’s never been the one to laze around. In his opinion, there’s always something to do, especially now with the case. They’ve been working on a petition to get Josh a restraining order from Raj. Things are moving forward, and even if Alec tries not to pay attention to the stuff that is directly concerning Raj, there are whispers on the campus, saying that he’s been recently taken to custody. Alec knows that he couldn’t have been there more than 24 hours, but he’s still hasn’t shown his face at the university. Which does suit Alec, but also means that he can’t keep an eye on him. So the restraining order will make things a bit easier.

His mom is a great help. She took most of the more serious legal stuff on her, splitting assignments between him and Lydia, giving them just as much as they can handle. Alec sometimes can’t help the feeling that she’s going too easy on them, especially on him. Even though he told her a thousand times that he’s okay, and if he wasn’t, he wouldn’t take this case.

He’s not on edge. Not yet, but he has to admit that the uneven situation with Magnus’ father is getting on his nerves. He’s got more important things to worry about, but somehow, his brain keeps coming back to their talks, and he hates it.

He needs some distraction, and since Magnus isn’t here to provide it, he’ll need to find a different way.

After lying around on the couch for what feels like it’s been longer, but turns out to be only a half of an hour, Alec grabs his phone and calls one of the people he knows he can always count on.

“What’s up, man?” Jace picks up almost immediately, sounding happy to hear his brother. “Long time no see.”

“Yeah, I’ve been busy,” Alec replies.

“I bet,” Jace says jokingly. “Everything okay?”

“Everything’s good.” Alec nods to himself, because his brother can’t see it. “I was wondering… would you like to do some training today?” He asks.

“You’re calling just at the right time because I’ve just finished classes and was actually wondering if I should hit the gym,” Jace admits chirpily. “Guess you have your answer now.”

“Meet you there in half an hour?” Alec offers hopefully.

“Don’t be late.” His brother says and hangs up before Alec gets to say anything more.

The upside of having a brother that wants to be a personal trainer is definitely the fact that he won’t let you get out of shape. But on the other hand, he pushes you very hard.

Training sessions with Jace are always intense, which Alec not always enjoys, but tonight, this is something he actually needs.

They do all of the exercises Jace has prepared for his training session today. It’s actually almost the time of the closing of the gym, but Jace said not to worry since apparently, he’s got a key and they can stay as long as they want. Another upside.

They end up sitting down on some mats in the corner of a training room, exhausted, sweaty and breathing heavily. The muscles are pleasantly sore and Alec does feel like his mind is at least a little bit clearer.

“You kept up pretty well today,” Jace states and clasps him on the shoulder, passing him a bottle of water. Alec just rolls his eyes at him fondly as he hands it back after taking a sip. They’re quiet for a bit before his brother speaks again. “Any particular reason you wanted to train today?”

Alec just shrugs lightly.

“Maybe I just wanted to see my brother?” He prompts and they both burst out laughing.

“Very funny.” Jace resorts as the laughter slowly dies down, then his voice turns a bit more serious. “No, but for real, everything is okay?”

“Yeah, everything’s fine.” Alec nods. “What about you? How’s Clary?”

“She’s good, yeah.” Jace takes another sip of his water. “We’ve actually been checking out some places to rent. She’s got some more money for her paintings recently, and the paycheck here isn’t bad too.”

“That’s great,” Alec says genuinely.

“Yeah, it will be nice to finally have something of our own,” Jace admits with a soft smile. “And you? How’s Magnus?”

“Good. They’re finally going to hire some more people in Alicante to help, so maybe he’ll stop worrying so much about work.”

“Right, you’ve mentioned that he’s been working his ass off lately,” Jace recalls.

“Let’s hope not for long now.” Alec resorts.

His brother seems to hesitate before he clears his throat and eventually asks the next question.

“And what about your case?”

“It’s going well.” Alec answers. “It’s mostly paperwork now, but when we’ll know when the trial is set to start, we have to begin preparing our strategy and stuff. It can be a long process though.”

Jace nods slowly.

“To be honest, I’m glad that mom is with you on this.” He admits. “I mean, no that I think you can’t handle it, I just-“

“I couldn’t handle it,” Alec says honestly. “That’s the truth. Both from the legal point and… the emotional one.” He adds after a pause.

“You know you can talk to me about this, right?” Jace asks then. “Me, Izzy, mom, Magnus… we’re all there for you.”

“I know.” Alec sends him a smile. “But I’m fine, really. But if anything was happening… I would tell you, seriously. I know that bottling things up is not good.”

“Yeah?” Jace throws him a challenging gaze. “Then why are you doing this now?”

“What?” Alec frowns. “I’m not-“

“Alec, I’m not blind and you’re my brother. You haven’t complained once during the training session, you didn’t ask to slow down… and I really wasn’t going easy on you. So come on, just tell me what’s up?”

Alec bites his lip and hesitates.

“I meant what I said,” Jace picks up again. “You can talk to me about the case, but also about everything else that’s bothering you.”

And he knows that, but also, he thinks he’s being irrational.

“It’s about Magnus’ father,” Alec admits but isn’t looking at his brother.

“Right, what’s up with him?” Jace questions lightly. “I mean, he kind of showed up out of nowhere…”

“Yeah, exactly.” Alec sighs. “I just… I don’t trust him.” He confesses.

“He does kind of look like a sketchy guy.” Jace agrees. “I saw him once and something already doesn’t feel right.”

“I know.” Alec finally turns to look at him. “And I think… I mean, it’s probably stupid, but sometimes I feel like he’s trying to break me and Magnus apart.”

“Why would he do that?”

“I don’t know.” Alec wails. “And that’s what pisses me off. This guy doesn’t know me, we’ve met twice, and he already thinks he knows everything and tries to make me feel… I don’t know, somehow intimidated by him, I guess.”

“Have you told Magnus?” Jace asks and eyes him curiously.

“Not exactly,” Alec admits.

“Why?”

“Because I don’t want to be that kind of a boyfriend.”

“What kind of a boyfriend?” His brother inquires and Alec lets out a groan.

“This kind that runs crying to his boyfriend, because his father doesn’t like him.” He explains. “He doesn’t have to like me, I do know that, but he can’t try and sabotage our relationship, and I feel like he’s doing that.”

“Okay, hold on.” Jace holds his palm up to stop his rumbling. “Alec, you and Magnus talk about everything. You have to tell him about this. He will understand-“

“No, Jace you don’t get it.” Alec shakes his head and interrupts him. “Magnus, he… he may not let it show, but he’s always wanted to have a father. And now that he’s finally had one… I don’t want to ruin it. And besides, I may be wrong and I’m just making it bigger than it is. You know I tend to overthink everything…”

“Yeah, maybe.” Jace agrees, but the carries on. “But maybe you are right and this guy is up to something. All I’m saying is that I think you should just talk to Magnus, tell him about everything that’s bothering you. If he knows his dad more, then let him decide if your worries are suitable or if you’re really exaggerating.” He shrugs. “Communication is key, right?”

And damn it, he’s right. 

The fact is, he’s been so scared of ruining the perfect image that Magnus has of his father, but what if it somehow saves him? If Asmodeus is indeed up to something no good. He’s going to protect Magnus in any way he can, so if it means finally talking about this, he has to do this.

“That’s the part where you say I’m right.” Jace’s voice interrupts his thoughts and he turns to see his brother smirking at him. He just hits him on the shoulder lightly, but smiles.

“You’re right.” He resorts after a while, still a teasing note in his tone. His brother grins at him proudly. “Thank you,” Alec adds a bit more seriously.

“Always, brother.” Jace clasps him on the shoulder and gets up from the mat. “Now come on, you’re gonna get home and talk to your boyfriend.”

“There’s no rush though.” Alec shakes his head. “He’s out having drinks with his father.” He can hear the bitter note in his tone.

Jace sighs, but nods and then considers him for a second.

“Want to grab something to eat then?” He offers and pulls out his arm to get Alec to his feet.

“Yeah.” He agrees and accepts the help.

He has to admit, that Jace does have his moments.

After getting back home, Alec takes a long shower, soaking up his aching muscles with hot water till his fingers get all wrinkly. Changing into some comfortable clothes he returns to his place back on the couch. Just as he wonders what he should watch, his phone vibrates from the coffee table from where he's dropped it.

“Hi, mom, what’s up?” He picks up the call, mindlessly scrolling through the tv channels.

“We’ve got the date for the first hearing of the trial,” Maryse informs without further ado and Alec nearly drops the remote control from his hand.

“What?”

“It’s next week.” His mom adds and Alec can feel his eyes widen.

“Next week-, I, it’s so soon.” He manages to clog out after a moment of silence. He runs a hand over his face and tries to think for a second.

“Yeah, I know.” Maryse continues. “Apparently, they consider it very seriously. So we don’t have a lot of time. We need to start the preparations like asap.”

“Okay, you’re right. Of course.” Alec exhales. They weren’t exactly prepared to stand trial so soon. In both Maryse’s and Alec’s experience it always took a while, before all of the motions had been looked over and approved. Right now, the upcoming date is not in their favour, they have a lot of things to prepare, including training Josh for giving his statement.

“I think we should all meet tomorrow and start. There’s literally no time to lose.” Maryse sums up quickly. “Do you want me to let Josh know?”

“No, let me speak to him.” Alec decides. “Can we meet tomorrow morning? I have late classes, but afterwards, I have work.”

“Sure, works for me. Inform Josh and I’ll see you guys tomorrow. Take care, son.” Maryse resorts simply and says her goodbyes.

After they hang up, Alec takes another moment to breathe. It’s going to be tons of hard work now, even harder than before.

Not wasting more time, he dials Josh’s number to let him know about everything.

“Hello?” The man’s voice sounds through the phone a while later.

“Hi, Josh. So I have some news.” Alec begins casually.

“Good or bad?” Josh asks hesitantly.

“Kind of both?” Alec tries, but it comes out more like a question. He shakes his head as he sighs and then carries on. “Let me just get to the point: the trial begins next week and we need to prepare our strategy.”

“Okay…” Josh says after a moment of silence he probably took to take in this information. “Alright, so what do you propose?”

“We should all meet and discuss it. Does tomorrow morning suit you?” Alec questions next. There’s no need to beat around the bush about this case. He knows he has to be as direct as he can. But at the same time, he doesn’t want to become one of these heartless lawyers, especially since he’s got a bit of an idea about what Josh has been through. But some news does have to be direct and precise, he can be softer when it comes to actual human experiences.

“Yeah, sure. Just text me the details, okay?” Josh agrees easily.

“Yeah, of course.”

“So… it all begins, huh?” The man questions next and Alec can hear him exhale over the phone.

“I guess it does.” He admits. “You’re sure you’re okay with this?” He still can’t help to ask.

“I am.” Josh sounds a bit more confident now. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

After exchanging short goodbyes, they hang up. Alec wonders if he should get more ready before tomorrow’s meeting, but he resorts that it will be best if they discuss it all together. He already knows, what he has to know. They just have to plan how to use it.

He’s just about to put his phone down when he notices how late it already is actually. Magnus didn’t specify what time he’s planning to be back but still, it would be nice if he least let Alec know that he’s okay. Alec doesn’t want to interrupt their father and son bonding, but he also can’t help but worry a bit, so he decides to send a simple text message.

_To: Magnus_

_Everything going okay? Do you know when you’re going to be back? _

Then he gets back to doing nothing, putting on some documentary that he remembers wanting to watch recently, but not begin able to fully focus, still waiting for a reply from his boyfriend.

When the movie finishes and he still hasn’t got any answer from Magnus, that’s when he begins to worry even more.

It might be irrational and overprotective, but he guesses he’s always been this way. And Magnus knows it too, so he should know how much even a simple message that he’s okay means to Alec. He tries to tell himself that everything is fine. Magnus is with his dad, they’re just getting some drinks and there is nothing to worry about. They’re probably just too involved in some conversation, maybe Magnus has switched his phone to silent not to be interrupted. Or his father tries to sabotage their relationship again and Magnus doesn’t want to talk to him ever again.

Anxiety increases in Alec’s chest. _Stop overthinking_.

His damned phone is laying down on a coffee table as always, but Alec feels the need to reach for it, so he does and before he knows it, he’s picking up Magnus’ number.

It switches to voice mail, and if Alec was worried earlier, now he’s panicking.

_Breathe, Alec. In and out. _

_He’s fine. _

He leaves a message anyway.

“Hi, babe. Could you just let me know you’re fine and if you’re on your way back already? It’s been a while since I’ve heard from you, so… yeah, love you. I’ll see you at home.”

When an answer doesn’t come for another fifteen minutes, he sends a few more texts, but actually, losses hope to receive any response.

Damn it, he should have taken Asmodeus’ number from Magnus’ phone, he really can be stupid sometimes.

It’s almost 2 am now and Alec tries to think. Should he go somewhere? The Hunter’s Moon maybe? But what if he makes an idiot of out of himself. What if Magnus has got a reason to avoid him?

Fuck, can these thoughts just stop?

He resorts he can’t stand sitting around like this, he needs something to calm down a bit. Deciding to make some tea, Alec heads to the kitchen and leans against the counter, waiting for the water to boil. He almost burns his tongue while taking the first sip, but the warmth of the ceramic cup feels pleasant in his fingers and the liquid going down his throat makes him feel more awake.

That’s when he hears the front door open.

First, he feels relief, because whatever might have happened, Magnus came back home, and it’s already a lot.

A few seconds later, Magnus comes into view. He leans against the doorframe and smiles softly as if taking Alec in. Alec starts to feel a bit of anger as if he’s just reminded of the fact that Magnus hasn’t answered his many texts tonight, but for a moment he gets lost in his boyfriend’s gorgeous smile.

“Hi, angel,” Magnus says softly.

Alec almost lets everything slide. Almost, because as he has a longer moment to take his boyfriend in, he notices something isn’t right.

He’s known Magnus long enough to spot the little things about his behaviour. He can sense when he’s angry or sad, or frustrated. And he can most definitely see when his boyfriend is drunk.

Like he is right now.

His suspicions only confirm, when Magnus takes a step towards him and stumbles slightly.

Alec sighs heavily and can’t help the wave of anger rushing through him.

He stands resigned, watching his boyfriend’s miserable attempt to get closer to him. When he finally does, he places his palm on Alec’s cheek and leans in to kiss him.

“I missed you.” He mutters against his lips, but Alec pulls back.

“You smell like whiskey.” He resorts, but Magnus only laughs. As he’s closer now, Alec inspects him further. His hair is a mess, the eyeliner smudged on the sides of his eyes and a few first buttons of his shirt undone.

“So what?” Magnus mumbles and tries to kiss him again, but Alec pushes him back with a hand on his chest and steps away. Magnus pouts, but it does nothing for him.

“You’re drunk.” He states the obvious.

Magnus snorts and stumbles again while taking a step forward. He decides to lean on the counter instead.

“Who? Me?” He just points at himself dumbly. “Maybe a little…” He admits then.

“Why didn’t you answer my calls, or text me back?” Alec can’t help but ask, not hiding the accusing note in his tone.

“Oh, I was just having fun with my dad. Must have missed it.” Magnus shrugs innocently.

“Seriously, that’s your reason?” Alec questions again, sounding more angry with every word.

“Yeah…” Magnus trails off and then sighs. “Don’t make such a big deal out of it.”

“A big deal?” Alec repeats with disbelief. “Magnus, I was worried. You didn’t give me a sign you were alive for the whole night. What was I supposed to think? Just one, fucking text would be enough, but you decided to be irresponsible-“

“Jesus, can’t you let loose once…” Magnus mutters, but it’s loud enough to hear.

“You would act the same if the situation was reversed.” Alec points out, but Magnus only rolls his eyes and folds his arms upon his chest.

There is a moment of silence then and Alec knows he should drop it because there’s no use discussing things when Magnus is drunk. He probably won’t remember it by the morning anyway.

“Okay, you’re right. I was having fun, I’m drunk and I got back home late.” Magnus starts. “I still don’t see anything so bad about it.” He resorts.

“Because this isn’t about you being drunk, or even coming back late.” Alec shakes his head. “It’s about you not letting me know if you’re okay, or what time you’d be back and not answering me when I was worried. I don’t care that you’re drunk, I’m glad you had fun, I just-“

“No, you’re not.” Magnus interrupts him and shakes his head.

“What?” Alec frowns.

“I know what this is about.” Magnus points his finger at Alec as if he's just solved some difficult puzzle.

“Yeah, I’ve just told you-“

“No.” Magnus cuts in again. “It’s about you not liking my father.”

“Jesus, Magnus…” Alec exhales to try and compose himself.

“Yeah, you’re jealous.” Magnus continues with a laugh. “You are because my father turned out to be so good, while yours is… well, an asshole.”

“Magnus, this isn’t about this. Don’t bring our fathers into this.” Alec shakes his head with resignation.

“No, no I do think it’s about this.” Magnus carries on either way. “You just needed a pretext to start a fight about this, right? Well, I’m so sorry I had fun with my dad and that we’re getting on so well!” His tone is dripping with sarcasm and Alec is done.

“This is pointless.” He resorts and proceeds to get out of the kitchen before he’ll say something he may regret later.

“Yeah, just go. You can’t even admit-“

“Magnus, stop it!” Alec snaps and it seems to make Magnus shut up. “Stop twisting it into something that it isn’t! You have a great father, mine is a jerk who made me hurt myself, you’re right. Is that what you wanted to hear? Are you satisfied yet? You probably won’t even remember saying this in the morning, but I will, and it fucking hurts, okay? I was worried about you because I love and care about you. I’ve always wanted the best for you, so maybe stop accusing me of this bullshit and realise what actually you’re doing.” His voice has risen and he feels tears pricking in his eyes. Running a hand over his face, he exhales shakily and just shakes his head. “Since I know you’re okay, I’m going to sleep.” He says and leaves the room without even looking back at Magnus. He’s done and he doesn’t feel like speaking or seeing him right now.

He knows he’s drunk, but it doesn’t make his words sting any less. Bringing up his father was a low blow, even for Magnus’ stoned self, but here they are. He doesn’t want to talk anymore, there’s no point, too much has been said already.

There’s anger and sadness and this awful hurt inside his chest right now. But he’s also tired of all of this bullshit. He’s been up half of the night, waiting to find out if he’s boyfriend going to come home in one piece and all he got in return was a twisted fight. He wants to forget tonight, but he knows he won’t. Sometimes, words hurt even more than any physical harm would.

Alec falls asleep almost as soon as his head touches the pillow. He doesn’t register the moment Magnus comes to bed, or if he does at all. Doesn’t really care about it. For now, he needs to cut himself off from everything. Even if just for a little while.

He wakes up alone.

But the other side of the bed feels warm, which means Magnus did get to sleep here. At least for a bit. Alec groans as the evens of last night refresh in his brain. He doesn’t feel like getting up, like facing Magnus. Even though he wants to hear an apology. Right now, he wants to bury himself here and never come out. He picks up his phone from the bedside table and curses out loud when he checks the time.

“Fuck.”

He’s supposed to meet mom and Josh in half of an hour, and he still has to get to the other side of the city. Unfortunately, business calls, so there’s no time to hide himself. He has to suck it up and face his day. There are more important things than this stupid fight and he can’t let it affect his work. With a groan, Alec rolls out of bed and quickly puts on some clean clothes, mentally patting himself on the back for taking a shower last night, so he doesn’t have to now.

When he emerges from the bedroom, he’s fully dressed and basically ready to run out of the apartment, only looking for his keys that he must have thrown somewhere yesterday.

He stops in his tracks when he gets to the kitchen.

Magnus is there, preparing some breakfast at the stove, but he freezes when he sees Alec too as if they weren’t living together for a good couple of months.

“Hi.” Magnus finally says after giving his head a little shake. There are bags under his eyes. He probably didn’t get a lot of good sleep last night. Well, Alec hadn’t too. He might have fallen asleep fast, but still, it was all pretty uneven.

“Morning,” Alec says and spots his lost keys on the kitchen island, so he leans in to grab them. “I gotta go.”

“What?” Magnus questions surprised. “Wait, what about breakfast?” He points at the stove where he’s preparing scrambled eggs.

“I’ll grab something on my way.” Alec resorts not exactly looking at him. “I’m already late.”

“To?”

“Meeting with Josh and mom,” Alec answers quickly. “You would have known if you had picked up my calls last night.” He doesn’t care about the bitterness in his tone.

Magnus visibly shrinks under the wave of guilt that floats through him. Alec tries no to pay too much attention to him and just heads for the exit.

“Alexander, wait!” Magnus calls out after him and he stops to turn around and face him again. He doesn’t speak for a while, just looks at him and bites his lip, as if not sure if he’s got a right to say anything. Alec barely resists the urge to roll his eyes, because he doesn’t have time for this now. “I was hoping we could talk.” He finally speaks.

“Well, I can’t now.” Alec resorts shortly. “I’m already late. But maybe we can do lunch?”

“I’m actually set up with my dad...” Magnus hesitates before speaking and doesn’t look at him.

“Of course you are,” Alec whispers more to himself and the sighs. “Whatever, I’ll see you tonight I guess.” He throws over his shoulder and steps closer to the door.

“Alexander…” Magnus tries again, but Alec’s already opening the door and stepping through.

He has to focus on the case now. He’ll deal with his relationship drama later. He’s not to blame anyway.

“We need to overlook every evidence we might have, prepare witnesses and still do some background research.” Maryse states as they’re half-way through the meeting, sitting in a restaurant near her apartment. She’s already informed them about the exact day of the trail and that the restraint order that they’ve pleaded for was accepted, so that’s a piece of great news too. “Alright, so what do we have?” She questions and looks from Alec to Josh.

“Well…” Josh starts and exhales. “Not a lot.”

“Sexual assault cases are always very hard to prove without any evidence. It’s always your words against the offender’s.” Maryse explains further. “So anything, even if something small, may have a lot of an impact here. So, any medical records or…” She trails off.

“No.” Josh shakes his head sadly. “I didn’t go to the hospital after it happened and I… I’m sorry, Mrs Lightwood, I don’t think I can give you anything.”

Maryse nods but her lips form into a tight line, a sign that she’s thinking hard now. This is tough. Just as she said, it will be Josh’s word against Raj’s here.

Alec tries to look through their options too. There’s a crushing lack of them now because although they are telling the truth, the other side will try to twist it.

“I may have an idea.” Alec starts after a while and all eyes turn to him. Maryse allows him to continue, gesturing with her palm. “I think we have to present Raj as someone capable of committing such a misdeed. We need to show him in a bad light, make the judge see that he’s not the good guy he pretends to be.”

“And how do you propose we do it?” Maryse asks curiously.

“I’ll testify.” Alec states and both his mom’s and Josh’s eyes widen. He just shrugs. “This is the best we have. I have proof that we were together, even some stupid pictures will do. I’ll talk about what he did to me. It’s not an ideal option, but it’s better than nothing.”

“I can’t ask you to do this, Alec.” Josh shakes his head, his voice is stern. “It’s just-“

“It’s no different than what you’re doing here. Sharing your story. I’ll share mine, it might help, right?” He turns to Maryse.

“I mean, yes.” His mom admits, but Alec sees that she’s not convinced about this idea. “It would definitely paint some picture of him but… are you sure you want to?”

“Positive,” Alec replies without skipping a beat. That’s the right thing to do, he knows it. Maryse inspects him with concerned eyes, but he tries to dismiss her worry with a smile. “We should also try to reach out to the students, who were on the campus that night. The ones who finished classes with you. They might have not seen a lot, but even some bits may be helpful.” He states. “Lydia and I can take care of that if you remember any names or anything.”

“Sure, I’ll send you a list or something. These are mostly people from my class.” Josh says and Alec gives him a nod.

“Okay, so I guess what we’re trying to do is, as you’ve said, trying to present Raj in a bad light so the judge can see what he’s capable of. That’s a good strategy since we don’t have much evidence.” Maryse admits. “The most important thing is that your story is wholesome.” She turns to Josh now. “When it comes to the board, it will be difficult to explain all of the Raj’s transfers and retransfers. We can do this. Let’s try to think positively.” She smiles at both of them. “Alright, I have to go now, I have another meeting. But remember, Josh, me and Alec are always free to answer any of your questions, so don’t hesitate to ask about anything.”

“Thank you so much, I really appreciate it,” Josh replies genuinely and sends her a sincere expression.

“We should meet again, let’s say in… two days? To prepare you for your statements and go through some possible questions the judge or the attorney may ask you. We have to be ready for everything.” She states and eyes the both of them now, receiving affirmative nods in answer. “I’ll see you soon, Josh. Bye, son.” She leans in and kisses Alec on the cheek.

Alec sends her a smile and then she’s out of the restaurant, the busy woman she always is. Alec shakes his head lightly as he looks over her, and then goes to write some stuff in his notebook.

“Your mom is great.” Josh’s voice makes him look up and he sends him a warm smile. “Really. I like how direct she is about this whole legal thing, but she seems to be soft with you.” He finishes up with a chuckle and Alec mirrors the sound.

“She can be tough though. Wait till you’ll see her in the court.” He says and scribbles some more notes.

“So, I was wondering…” Josh starts and shifts a bit in his chair. “Could we maybe meet tomorrow?”

“You’ve got any questions about the case?” Alec asks and frowns lightly. Why not just ask now?

“Not exactly…” Josh pauses as if searching for some good words. “I was thinking about a meeting without all of this… legal stuff involved.” He bites his lip nervously.

Alec’s frown just deepens and he eyes him for a few moments. It makes no sense… unless…

“Wait, you mean like a date?” He questions disbelieved.

Josh nods lightly and Alec’s eyes widen.

“Look, Josh, I’m flattered.” He starts as gently as he can. “But I have a boyfriend. I can’t believe it hasn’t come up yet, but yeah. I’m taken-”

When the realisation appears on Josh’s face his cheeks turn a bit red and he shakes his head embarrassed and interrupts him.

“God, I’m so sorry.” He rumbles. “I didn’t mean to-, I mean of course you have someone. What was I thinking-“

“It’s okay.” Alec tries and gives him a sympathetic smile. “I should have brought it up somehow.”

“No, no. It’s not like we speak about private stuff. I’m sorry for even bringing it up. I don’t know what came over me, I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine, really,” Alec assures again. They both laugh lightly at this situation and Alec is glad that the tension has loosened between them. He had no idea Josh may see him like this. And to be honest, Alec thinks it may be still be a bit too soon for him for any relationship after Raj. It would be for him, for sure. It takes a lot to get back up after something like this. But Alec knows the feeling Josh may be experiencing now. Alec’s been nice to him, shown an interest in his story, listened to him, offered him help… The fact is, he can’t even be sure if Josh’s feelings are sincere now. Not that he would even consider trying something with him. But Josh might be in this moment when he’s just confusing his own feelings. Maybe no one had been just plainly, selflessly nice to him and that’s something new to him? Alec’s not the one to judge, but he can have his opinion.

“Also, don’t try to date your lawyer. That’s a pretty bad conflict of interests.” Alec adds jokingly and Josh nods with a smile.

“Sorry again.”

Alec dismisses him with a wave of a hand. At least that’s clear between them now. He glances at his watch and sees that he should leave if he wants to make it to his first lecture.

“I have to go.” He announces and gets up from his seat. “I have classes.”

“Sure.” Josh just agrees and observes as Alec grabs his stuff. “Thanks for today,” Alec answers him with a smile as he puts on his jacket. “Also, your boyfriend is very lucky.” He adds.

Alec's smile falls a bit because remembering Magnus means recalling their fight last night. He shakes his head and srestaurant.

His thoughts return to Magnus and for the first time in a long while, these are not very pleasant memories.

When lunchtime comes, Alec feels the desperate need to talk to someone. He’s mad at Magnus and he wants to vent, sue him, but he’s still only human. And of course, the best person to talk about relationships drama is his sister.

That’s why he finds himself and Isabelle sitting in a park near the campus during his lunch break. Izzy tells him about her recent exam, which obviously she aced, but Alec can see that it’s just a short story to distract him before she gets to questioning him.

She does that a bit later, and Alec’s too angry not to share.

“Alright, it was a low blow, I agree,” Izzy states when Alec finishes his story. “I mean, bringing up our dad, really? As if he doesn’t know what he did to you…” She shakes her head irritate. Alec just agrees with a nod. “But you know he was drunk, right? I’m sure he didn’t mean it.”

“Yeah, I know,” Alec says as he nibbles with his fingers at a blade of grass. They’re sitting on the ground, but the weather is actually nice. It’s sunny and warm. “It isn’t even about this. I mean, people do say things they don’t mean when they’re drunk. It’s just about how careless he’s been acting. He knows I easily get worried and he just forgets to text me or call me.”

“The excuse that he’s drunk isn’t enough.” Isabelle offers her words and Alec agrees. It’s not good enough of a reason to ghost him when he has valid worries. “But also… you don’t like his father, do you?”

Alec sighs heavily and closes his eyes to compose himself for a brief second.

“It’s not that I don’t like him… it’s more like, he seems suspicious.”

“Suspicious how?” His sister asks.

“God, I’ve been through this with Jace yesterday. I feel like he’s trying to sabotage mine and Magnus’ relationship. He’s trying to… make us both doubt some things I guess. But don’t worry, I will speak to Magnus about this. I just didn’t get a moment to bring this up yet.” He explains.

“Well, that man does look…” Izzy takes a moment to come up with a suitable word. “Mysterious. But in a bad way, like he’s full of secrets. Something just doesn’t feel right.”

“Exactly,” Alec admits resigned. “I wish Magnus saw it.”

“Then make him see it.” Isabelle shrugs as she proposes.

“I will trust me.” Alec declares confidently. “But it’s like… since he showed up Magnus is… he doesn’t seem to notice anything bad about him. It bothers me because he’s never been a person who trusts easily.” He sighs. “I don’t want him to get hurt because of that.”

Izzy reaches for his hand from across him and gives it a reassuring squeeze, sending him a soft smile.

“I’m sure he’ll understand when you tell him.” She reassures easily. “I mean, it’s you and Magnus, right? You don’t have communication problems. The motto of your relationship is basically ‘communication is key’.” She states and they both laugh lightly.

“I didn’t realise we had a ‘relationship motto’,” Alec admits, putting air quotes at his sister’s ridiculous term.

“Everyone has one, I guess.” Izzy just shrugs. “Mine and Simon’s is ‘Isabelle is always right’ and Jace’s and Clary’s is ‘how the hell did I end up with this idiot’, referring to Jace of course.” She resorts and they both burst out laughing again.

Alec’s forgot how much of a cheerful effect his sister has on him. Her being around is enough to make him laugh or just to make him feel better in general.

“Shit, don’t you want to go get some food?” Isabelle questions when the laughter dies down a bit. “It’s your lunch break and we’re sitting here like idiots.”

“No, I’m good. Not hungry anyway.” Alec says dismissively.

It felt good to tell someone about his recent worries, especially someone who understands. He knows Isabelle would never make fun of him, no matter how irrational some of his concerns may be. That’s something that he’ll be entirely grateful for.

But he also realises, that since this whole mess with Magnus is out of his system now and out in the open between him and Izzy, there’s still an uneasy feeling increasing in his chest.

Because subconsciously, it’s not the only thing his worried about. It’s just the only one that he lets get to him because he knows that in the end, it’s going to be okay between him and Magnus. They’ll talk and sort this all out, as they always do.

But he can’t be so sure about the rest.

“I’m going to testify on the Raj’s case.” He blurts out and Isabelle nearly chokes on her sandwich that she’s just begun to eat.

“What?” She clogs out after a wave of cough.

Alec nods.

“That’s the best we can do. We don’t have any evidence. We need to present him as a man capable of doing something like this.” He explains furthermore.

“You know you don’t have to.” Are the words she says, but what she means, is  _ I don’t want you to _ .

“I think I do.”

“Well, you don’t,” Izzy states more firmly now. “Look, it isn’t the best idea. Talking about this… it will make you relive it.”

“Maybe I do need it?” Alec says and his sister throws him a confused and worried gaze. “I’ve never…” Alec exhales and starts again. “I’ll never be truly, fully over with what happened to me. I can’t. Because such a thing stays with you basically through your whole life. And I try to deny it and forget about it, erase it but it isn’t possible. I have to embrace what happened and live with that. This is the only way. To accept it and move on. And if someone with similar experiences will one day look at this case and see that they’re not alone and should not be ashamed if they were a victim like me and Josh are. Especially men. It doesn’t make us lesser, doesn’t make us weak. It makes us brave to stand up and fight for ourselves. This is the greatest kind of bravery.”

When he finishes, Isabelle is looking at him with tears evident in her eyes and she sends him a sympathetic smile, reaching for his hand once more. He can see the understanding in her eyes. She really tries to come to term with him begin on this case, with him coming back to these memories. And Alec does too because it’s not easier for him. If so, it’s even worse.

“So, you’re not scared?” Isabelle questions in a quieter voice then.

“I’m terrified,” Alec admits honestly, there’s no point in hiding it. “I’m scared of speaking about this, especially with all the details I will probably have to describe. I’m scared of seeing him again… But I just know I have to do this, to protect other people who ever get closer to him.”

Izzy nods and wipes at a loose tear on her cheek. Alec feels his eyes becoming a little bit wet too.

“You’re so brave, big brother.” His sister says and brings him into a tight hug.

It says more than any words could.

It’s a whole kaleidoscope of emotions_. I’m proud of you, you’re so brave, I’m scared, I’m worried, I’m never going to be truly okay with that_. And Alec can take it all, as long as he has all of these amazing supportive people by his side.

“Come on,” Alec pulls back from the hug and sniffles softly. “You’re making me late for classes.”

“Yeah, blame it all on me.” Isabelle laughs in a wet tone and Alec leans in to kiss her on the forehead. “Let me walk you back?” She asks and he nods.

They both get up and Alec starts to feel the beginnings of this pulsing headache in his temples. Seems like holding back tears wasn’t a good idea.

“You’re okay?” Izzy questions as she grabs her stuff and turns back to him. The look of concern quickly covers her features.

“I’m good. Let’s go.” Alec states and tries to ignore the growing pain. He offers his arm with a smile and his sister gladly takes it and mirrors his expression, providing a soft smile of her own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Let me know all of your thoughts? What do you think of Magnus' behaviour? Did Alec have a right to get this mad? Leave your opinions in the comments below and I'll see you next week! :)


	18. The Guilt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus feels guilty after his fight with Alec. Then he receives a bothering call which only increases that feeling...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!  
Thank you all so much for supporting this story! It really means a lot to me, since we're entering the more angsty waters now... Today's WARNINGS are: a little bit of a medical situation (nothing extreme) and some words about Alec's depression. With that being said, more angst today, but I hope you'll like it anyway (some of you do seem be fond of the drama...) 
> 
> Enjoy the read!

Magnus knows he deserves the crashing wave of guilt that he’s feeling.

He can’t believe what his drunk self is capable of sometimes. It’s just the worst. Like he can’t control what comes out of his mouth. But he knows it’s not a good enough excuse and he can’t stress this enough, how terrible he acted towards Alec, especially since his boyfriend’s worries were valid and he was just too hammered to answer his phone.

He’s stupid. No, he’s worse than stupid.

When he woke up with a terrible headache and the memories of last night came back to him… He’s never felt so angry and disappointed in himself. All he'd wanted was to just talk it over with Alec because he hates it when they fight. And he knew he has to apologize.

But Alec had to go, what Magnus would have known if he had called him back last night.

Again, stupid and irresponsible.

After Alec left, Magnus just sat in their empty apartment, embraced with the helplessness and regret, and shame. He literally wanted to punch himself. He deserves the headache he’s currently supporting. He deserves worse.

Work is terrible and he can’t seem to focus at all. He doesn’t feel like speaking to anyone, although Dot offers for him to just talk out whatever is bothering him. But Magnus knows it won’t help. Only talking to Alec will, but he deserves his space now.

Damn it, he should have just cancel the lunch with his father so he could speak with Alec, but yet again, he was too dumb and too hangover to actually think about it.

So that’s why he finds himself at a restaurant a block away from Alicante’s building, listening to his father talking about how nice yesterday had been.

They spent half of the night at the bar and then went to some honourable and famous places that every New Yorker should know. It was indeed nice until Magnus’ stupidity got to him.

“But you don’t look as thrilled about yesterday as I seem to be…” Asmodeus trails off at some point, eyeing Magnus with a precise look. “Didn’t you have fun?” He asks with a hint of sadness.

“No, I did. Of course, I did.” Magnus reassures quickly and tries to send him a smile.

“Then what’s going on?” Asmodeus questions next. “I can see something is wrong, son.”

Magnus hesitates, but in the end, he knows it will feel better to let it all out.

“I had a fight with Alec.” He admits and looks down at the table.

“About?” Asmodeus prompts lightly.

“I just… I was stupid.” Magnus sighs heavily. “I came back home in the middle of the night and didn’t even let him know I was okay through the whole time. And I was drunk… I messed up.”

“Because you had fun?” His father frowns.

“No, because he was worried and I was an idiot.” Magnus states resigned.

“I don’t think I see your point,” Asmodeus says, his expression still unclear. “You were with me the whole time and you were okay.”

“Yeah, but Alec didn’t know this. I should have let him know.”

“Son, you’re an adult. You don’t have to inform your boyfriend about every single aspect of your life.” Asmodeus comments with a hint of a laugh.

“No, you just don’t get it.” Magnus shakes his head. “I would act the same if the roles were reversed.” He recalls Alec’s words from last night because he was right. If it was Alec who was out for half of a night without any signs of life, Magnus would flip the whole town. It’s not that he doesn’t trust him, and Magnus knows that it isn’t about Alec’s lack of trust in him either. It’s about life, and how dangerous it can get, not by our fault. Sometimes it’s just the wrong time and place. “I should have called him, or text him. I was stupid.”

“If you say so…” Asmodeus lets the sentence trail off and takes a sip of his wine. “But I do think that he might have overreacted.”

“He didn’t.” Magnus states. Every point Alec made was accurate. “I also said some things I shouldn’t have.” He confesses then.

“Like?” His father asks.

“Jus stuff about Alec’s dad…” Magnus exhales heavily and frowns at the memory. He wishes he didn’t remember it, but it’s good he does. He’s ashamed and he should be because that was just cruel. “I shouldn’t have brought him into this.”

“Did you bring me into this?” Asmodeus questions with curiosity. Magnus throws him a bewildered glance. His father shrugs. “If you spoke about his father, did my name pop up too?”

Magnus is just about to answer but stops with his mouth open as his phone vibrates in his pocket. He gives his father an apologetic expression and mouths ‘sorry’ as he fetches the phone and picks up after seeing Catarina’s id caller.

“Magnus, don’t freak out.” Are the first words his friend says as soon as he picks up. She sounds calm, but there’s some hint of nervousness in her tone that Magnus doesn’t like.

“This isn’t something you should say if you don’t want me to freak out.” Magnus resorts. “It makes me freak out. What’s up?” He asks and feels his heartbeat raising.

“Nothing’s wrong. Everything's okay, alright? Everything is fine, so please just stay calm-“ Cat tries to assure him, but he cuts in.

“Catarina, just tell me what’s going on.” He says firmly.

“Alec’s in the hospital.”

Magnus’ heart nearly stops.

_Sometimes it’s just the wrong time and place._

“W-what?” Magnus’ voice breaks and it feels like all of the air has left his lungs.

“Don’t worry. He’s fine.” Cat reassures again, her tone is calming, but Magnus can’t help the dark scenarios overcoming his brain. “He collapsed-“

“Collapsed?” Magnus questions with horror. He already starts to gather up his things, getting ready to leave.

“But he’s fine, I swear. He’s not even unconscious anymore-“

“I’m on my way. I’ll be there as soon as I can.” Magnus tells his friend and hangs up without waiting for an answer.

His father throws him a questioning gaze.

“Alec’s in a hospital. I have to get to him.” He explains quickly and catches Asmodeus sending him a nod before he basically runs out of the restaurant.

He barely remembers the road to the hospital. His hands are shaking as he holds the steering wheel tightly. It’s like speed limits don’t exist now, all he knows is that he has to get to Alec as soon as possible.

Why does it always have to be like this? When it’s good, it’s good, but when it starts to get bad, suddenly everything falls apart. Catarina said Alec is fine. Magnus tries to hold onto that, because if something happened to him now… He wouldn’t be able to forgive himself if his last conversation with his boyfriend was him being irrational and blowing off Alec’s worries.

Finally getting to the hospital’s parking lot, Magnus runs out of the car and heads to the entrance. He looks around as he enters and spots Catarina at the nurses’ station.

“Where is he?” He asks as he steps closer to her.

“Third room to your left-,” The words barely leave Cat’s mouth and Magnus is already on the move. “Hey, maybe calm down first!” She tries, but Magnus blocks her out and she speeds up to get to the room.

He basically bursts in, without even knocking on the door, but it’s like he’s on autopilot, and he’s set to get to Alec and see with his own eyes that he’s okay. No matter what anyone says, he needs to know himself.

Alec’s laying on the bed in the middle of the room. He’s on IV, but he looks fine and Magnus feels like he can finally breathe. Isabelle is seated at Alec’s side and they both look at Magnus, startled at his sudden arrival.

“What are you doing here?” Alec asks as Magnus seems to freeze at the entrance. When he seems to finally shake off of his daze and releases the breath he’s been holding since he’s opened the door, he moves forward. Not stopping until he has Alec in his arms.

“You’re okay.” He whispers more to himself, but Alec hears since now he’s pressed to him tightly.

“Of course I am.” He states as Magnus pulls back. “Did you call him?” He directs the question to his sister, but she only shrugs and shakes her head.

“I did.” Comes another voice from the door and they all turn to see Catarina there. “And I did tell him to stay calm.” She adds and throws Magnus a glare.

“Cat, you didn’t have to call,” Alec says, but smiles at her a little. “I’m fine. You didn’t have to come.” He turns to Magnus now.

“Of course I had to.” Magnus resorts and runs a hand through his hair, then leaning in and kissing his forehead. Now he’s not going to step away from him even for a second. “Can somebody tell me what happened?” He questions then and looks from Catarina to Isabelle.

“Well, we met up for lunch and everything was fine.” She begins to explain. “But then as we were heading back he basically just fainted on me. You scared me, big brother.”

“I’m sorry. I’m fine, I swear.” Alec repeats and Izzy smiles at him and squeezes his hand.

“It’s okay.” She speaks to her brother sympathetically. “He was out cold for a while so I called an ambulance.” Izzy continues. “But he actually came round when they arrived so… I might have panicked a bit.”

“You did the right thing,” Cat tells her when she spots her guilty expression.

“And I said that it’s pointless to bring me here because I’m okay-“ Alec tries, but Catarina interrupts this time.

“No, you’re not, mister.” She shakes her head and reads something on a file she brought with her. “Apparently, you’re dehydrated and overexerted. Your body can only take so much, Alec. So,” She quickly carries on when she sees Alec wants to cut in and probably say that he’s fine again. “When was the last time you ate or drink something?”

“I-,” Alec hesitates and sighs as he tries to come up with an answer and the fact that he doesn’t remember, makes Magnus even more concerned and mad at himself. “I don’t know, last night maybe? Or evening?”

“Are you serious?” It’s Isabelle who scolds her brother. He only shrugs but doesn’t look at her.

Magnus is too busy trying to take in all the information. Alec fainted because his body is coping with too much recently and last night, Magnus only added to it. He hates himself and he’s the worst boyfriend, that’s for sure.

“Alright.” Catarina rolls her eyes and is clearly as unhappy with his answer as the rest of the room. “So I guess you didn’t get much good sleep last night?” The nurse questions next.

“No.” Alec shakes his head and refuses to look at Magnus as he answers.

“Have you been under a lot of stress lately?” Cat continues as she writes something down in the file.

“I guess you could say that.” Alec replies and Catarina nods.

“Okay, I’ll send a doctor your way shortly. For now, just rest and let the IV do its thing.” She smiles at him and proceeds to leave the room.

There’s a moment of silence after she leaves. Alec still isn’t looking at Magnus and Izzy seems to notice the tense atmosphere between the two of them as she clears her throat and speaks.

“Alright, so I guess I’m gonna go, okay?” She asks Alec and her brother nods.

“Thanks, Iz.” He says and squeezes her hand, sending her a reassuring smile.

“Don’t ever scare me like that again.” She points her finger at him and Alec lays his palm on his heart as if saying ‘I swear’. “And you,” She turns to Magnus now. “Take care of him.”

“I will, I promise,” Magnus replies instantly.

Isabelle gives him a short nod, kisses Alec on the cheek and exits the room, leaving them as the only people. There’s still silent when Magnus goes to take the seat previously occupied by Izzy. He grabs Alec’s hand as he settles down, but his boyfriend still refuses to look at him. Magnus plays with their fingers as he’s searching for some words to say. I’m sorry doesn’t feel like enough. It’s all his fault Alec’s in this place. If he was more considerate about his feelings, nothing like this would happen. He can’t even comprehend the thought of something worse happening to Alec, he wouldn’t take it, especially if it was his fault.

“You really didn’t have to come.” It’s Alec who speaks first. “I’m okay. Cat shouldn’t have called you-“

“I’m sorry.” Magnus is surprised at how shaky his voice sounds. This tone makes Alec finally look up at him and then Magnus realises there are tears in his eyes that he’s desperately trying to hold back. “Alexander, I… it’s all my fault and I’m so sorry. I should have called you last night, I shouldn’t have brought up your father. I was drunk and stupid and irresponsible and inconsiderate towards you, while you had every right to worry… I am so sorry, I just… There’s no excuse for how I acted. I want you to know, that I didn’t mean any of those things and I’m so sorry for saying them. I don’t know-“ He sobs and wipes at his eyes, but the tears are already out. He can’t speak further, not without his voice breaking. He can’t look at Alec and see the anger or hate in his eyes. He knows he deserves it, but it doesn’t mean he’s ready to see it. Not in the eyes of the love of his life.

He gets startled when suddenly there’s a hand on his cheeks, wiping the tears away.

When he looks up, Alec’s eyes aren’t full of hate. It’s the same compassion and love that’s always there. He smiles lightly as Magnus leans into his touch.

“It’s fine.” He says softly, but Magnus shakes his head.

“No, Alexander. It is not-“

“You’re right. It’s not.” Alec admits, but his expression is still tender. “It hurt when you said it. But I can see that you regret it. Sometimes we say things we don’t mean. I forgive you, Magnus. It’s okay.” He states and Magnus lets out another sob. “Come here.” Alec brings him closer until he can hide his head in his boyfriend’s chest. “It’s alright,” Alec reassures as he combs his fingers through his hair.

“I don’t deserve you.” Magnus’s voice is wet through his tears. “I’m so sorry.”

“Stop apologising,” Alec says with a hint of a laugh in his tone. “I told you, it’s fine.”

“You’re too good for me,” Magnus whispers as he pulls back and wipes at his tears again. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too,” Alec replies and tangles their fingers back together, resting them on the bed. “But if you ever do this again-“

“I won’t I promise.” Magnus tightens the hold on their hands and raises them to his mouth to place a kiss to Alec’s palm. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault that I’m here,” Alec says then and continues when he sees Magnus is about to interrupt. “Okay, I didn’t sleep well, but I should remember about stuff like eating. I was stressed about the meeting and-“

“And I just added to it.” Magnus declares with guilt.

“Maybe, but…” Alec exhales heavily. “You didn’t know. I just have to be more careful.”

“I’ll take care of you, darling,” Magnus promises genuinely.

“I know,” Alec states and runs his thumb along Magnus’ knuckles. He smiles lightly and Magnus mirrors the expression.

A few minutes later, after a doctor came and they did run all the tests they needed, Catarina finally returns with the results. The time in between was spent at even more apologies from Magnus and reassurances, Their hands are still clasped together and none of them seems to mind. Magnus is so happy that they’re okay, even if he feels like he might not have deserved it. He’ll make all of these awful words up to Alec. From now on, he’ll be a better boyfriend, he’ll take care of him.

“So, turns out you’re fine Alec, shocking, right?” Catarina jokes lightly as she looks over the results. “The IV levelled up everything your organism needed and there are no other symptoms that anything is wrong. How are you feeling?”

“Good. Better.” Alec replies with a nod. “Can we go home now?”

“Oh, no. You have to stay overnight so we’ll make sure that nothing is out of the ordinary.”

Alec sighs and throws her an unimpressed glare.

“That’s pointless, I feel okay, really.” He tries.

“I know you do, but that’s the procedure,” Catarina explains with a shrug.

“What could possibly be wrong?” Alec tries to argue.

“Strange things had happened, young man.” The nurse says and ignores Alec’s irritated groan. “You’re staying and that’s final!” She calls out on her way out of the room.

Alec sighs again and sinks further into the bed, frustratedly shaking his head. 

“Can you believe this?” He turns to Magnus. “This is ridiculous.”

“Maybe.” Magnus shrugs in answer. “But it’s better to be safe than sorry, right?”

Alec agrees with a heavy exhale and a nod, but still doesn’t look pleased with the aspect of spending the night in a hospital bed.

“You should get some rest, love.” Magnus proposes lightly.

“You should go home, it’s useless for you to stay the whole night here.” Alec states.

“I’m not going.” Magnus shakes his head.

“Magnus…”

“I don’t care. I’m staying with you, okay? I was worried and I don’t want to leave you. Please, let me stay.” Magnus pleads softly.

“Okay, if this is what you want.” His boyfriend sighs. “But I do want to get some sleep now, to be honest.”

“Then sleep, my love.” Magnus leans in and kisses him on the forehead. “I’ll be right here when you wake up.”

While Alec takes his nap, Magnus talks to Catarina for a while. It’s a great chance to catch up, but Magnus still wishes they weren’t in this situation at all. He still feels like it’s his fault. Alec had a difficult day today and he made it even worse. He’ll try to find every way to make it up to him. The most important thing is that he’s alright.

Magnus is back at Alec’s side when he wakes up. It’s already late, the sun is coming down, painting the room with shadows. Magnus more feels than sees Alec wake up in the half-darkness, as his fingers flex from where they’re intertwined with Magnus’.

“Hello, angel,” Magnus whispers and caresses his palm gently. But Alec still has his eyes closed as he sighs heavily.

“I hate it here.” He admits profoundly.

Magnus frowns at first, not sure what he means, but after a few seconds, it clicks for him.

They’re in a hospital, the same one where his brother died, in a similar room, and just outside of it, are the corridors where Alec waited for updates of Max’s condition, only to be met with the news that he’s passed away.

To be honest, Magnus was not a fan of hospitals himself, especially after his mom died. But his time as a volunteer made him embrace this place more. He stopped paying mind to the actual purpose of this building, focused more on the people. Because while he was helping them, he didn’t want it to feel like an actual hospital, so he did everything in his power to brighten up the atmosphere, which also gave to him.

But for Alec, it’s different. It’s still too fresh and too soon. These are totally different memories and Magnus curses himself for not thinking about it earlier and trying to make him feel somehow better about this whole thing. He was too worried and his thoughts were all over the place, the only important thing was seeing for himself if Alec is okay and when he finally got the confirmation, his brain might have shut down for a while, just filling with relief.

“Bad memories?” Magnus prompts lightly and Alec nods, but turns his head and hides half of his face in the pillow. Magnus wants to ask if he’d like to talk about this, but the answer is probably no, and at the same time, he doesn’t want to bring back even more of unpleasant memories.

They don’t speak about Max a lot, never did since he died and Magnus knows it’s a sore spot for Alec. But also, Magnus knows him enough to notice when Alec shuts down and is engrossed with thoughts about his brother. But still, he doesn’t ask, it’s still too soon. Even if Alec got so much better, it’s still something that will be difficult to overcome.

Magnus’ phone vibrates in his pocket and he quickly checks it to find a message from Asmodeus. He’ll deal with him later, right now Alexander deserves all of his attention, so he just puts the phone away for now.

“Who was it?” Alec asks and as Magnus looks back at him, he sees that his eyes are glassy with tears now.

“It’s my father,” Magnus replies shortly and takes Alec’s palm in between the two of his. He doesn’t want to talk about Asmodeus now, it’s not important.

“I’m sorry for ruining your lunch,” Alec says then, but his voice breaks a bit towards the end.

“Hey, none of this, darling. There’s nothing to apologize for. Don’t worry about it.” Magnus resorts softly and kisses their joined hands. But when he looks at him, Alec shakes his head and a few tears are running down his cheeks. Magnus is fully alarmed now, but he reaches to gently wipe them away, praying for his voice not to shake and unmask how concerned he feels now. “Love, what’s wrong? Are you in pain-“

“No, I’m fine.” Alec’s voice sounds wet through the tears. “It’s just…” He tries to take a breath to compose himself, but it shortly turns into another sob. “I like we’re growing apart.”

Magnus’ heart freezes for a good second.

“W-what?” His voice is way quieter than he’d want it to be.

“Because of your father.” It takes Alec a while to answer, but when he finally does, he doesn’t sound any better than Magnus feels. “I feel like he’s trying to break us apart.”

“Why would you think that?” Magnus asks, maybe with a bit too much accusation in his tone.

“It’s…” Alec struggles again to find the right words. “He’s trying to scare me away. Make me doubt things, doubt how you feel about me,” Magnus opens his mouth to interrupt him, but Alec doesn’t let him. “I know you love me. I really do, and I love you too, so much. It’s just… I know my head’s not right. I may be healed now, but it doesn’t just go away like this. There are still those voices in my head sometimes, and when I speak with your father they tell me to believe everything he says. They make me suspect everything, make me feel that I’m not good enough and I have no idea why the hell you are with me-“

“Alexander-“ Magnus tries.

“And I hate those feelings.” Alec continues to confess. “I hate when someone holds such power over me, how someone can break me with a few well-measured words. I hate how weak I am and I… I just don’t know what I’ve done wrong, you know? I mean, why doesn't your father like me? We’re supposed to want the same thing. Your happiness. And I really want what’s best for you, I do.” His voice shakes again, but he carries on. “And I know I’ve been neglecting you because of the case and I am so sorry. So I know it’s my fault too, partly. I’m scared one day you’re going to finally realise that there is nothing special about me and that you really could do so much better.”

Alec doesn’t say anything more and Magnus finds himself unable to too. Has he been feeling like this all the time, since they first met Asmodeus? Why didn’t he come forward about it earlier? Magnus wouldn't want for him to bottle this all inside. But maybe he’s to blame for this… Maybe he wasn’t even aware of it, but he never got Alec the chance to express his worries. He always praises his father and Alec was probably scared to have a different opinion about something so important to Magnus. Which is bothering too, because even if it was the case, they would figure it out. Alec shouldn’t be scared to speak up. The world scared in terms of revealing something to each other shouldn't even exist when it comes to their relationship. And Magnus has been to blind to see it crawling in between them for so long.

“Alec…” Magnus begins but still isn’t fully sure what to say. He opens and closes his mouth a few times, but nothing comes out.

“You don’t have to say anything.” Alec sniffles, but he appears to be a bit calmer now, although there are still tears streaming down his face. “I just needed to say this.” He adds in a lower tone.

“Darling,” Magnus tries about and squeezes his palm, holding it tightly. “I had no idea you felt like this.” He admits sadly. “Which is on me, because I should have noticed something. I am so sorry, that my father has ever made you feel intimidated or lesser than you are. Because you are the best person I know, Alexander. I need you to know that. I wish you told me about all this earlier, but I understand that I might have not given you a good chance to express it-“

“I just didn’t want us to fight and I was scared we would if I told you…” Alec trails off.

“Well, you shouldn’t be.” Magnus shakes his head. “You should never be scared to tell me anything. No matter how different our opinions may be. We’re going to fight, of course, we will, but look at us. We always figure it out, all it takes is a talk, okay? I know I tend to… blow up, or snap, but just like you, I always mean well and want the best for you. I am always there to reassure you and to support you, that’s what we do, right?” He smiles at his through the tears in his eyes, but Alec mirrors it and Magnus counts it as a win.

“Yeah.” Alec agrees softly.

“But when it comes to my father…” Alec’s expression falls a bit, but Magnus tightens the hold on his hand a bit. “It’s like with your case, you may not fully like this idea, but I do choose to see him and to get to know him because it’s my choice. I will, of course, speak to him about his unacceptable behaviour towards you. I want to give him a chance to explain himself. But he’s still my father.”

“I get it,” Alec says. “I do. I just wanted you to know-“

“And I’m so glad you told me,” Magnus reassures immediately. “I am. I never want you to feel scared to tell me something, even if it might hurt me. So please, when I’m acting like a jerk, just tell me. When I’m spending too much time with my father, especially in the moments you need me, just tell me. You are and will always be my priority, love.”

“You’re mine too,” Alec admits quietly.

“And about your case…” Magnus decides to speak about it too. “I know how important this is for you, even if I may not fully like it, I support you. And I understand that you’re busy. Of course, I miss you like crazy, but at the end of the day, you’re always home with me. That’s what matters the most. I’m the asshole, who makes you wait up half of a night for him.”

Alec lets out a chuckle and Magnus does too, happy that the tense atmosphere seems to loosen up a bit.

His boyfriend looks at him and for a long while, they just stare into each other’s eyes like it was so cheesy rom-com movie, but fortunately, there’s no one else to witness it.

“Come here,” Alec suddenly tugs at his hand and he glances at him confusingly as he scouts on the bed. “You’re not going to spend the entire night in this chair, come on.”

The bed is small, but it’s not that Magnus minds. Alec wraps himself around him almost instantly, laying his head on his chest and wrapping an arm around his middle, snuggling as close to him as he can. Magnus approves with a kiss to the top of his head, his hand wondering to comb soothingly through his hair.

Alec is quite for a while, but Magnus still doesn’t like how tense the line of his shoulders looks and how he doesn’t appear to be fully relaxed. He guesses that it’s the fact they’re in the hospital, but something still doesn’t feel right.

But then Alec speaks, and it clears out.

“I’m going to testify on the case.” He says but doesn’t turn his head to face Magnus. He feels him drawing random patterns on his chest with his fingers.

Magnus isn’t sure he’s heard right.

“What?”

“I’ve decided today.” His boyfriend explains further. “There’s not a lot we can do without evidence, so this may be our best shot.”

“Alexander, are you sure?” Magnus is aware it must be terrifying to face this kind of trauma head-on. It means revealing so much. Things that hurt, and that Alec would probably rather stayed erased or buried down.

“I am.” Alec finally turns to face him and offers a small smile. “I don’t want to talk about this now, I’m tired. Just wanted to let you know.” He resorts and settles back on Magnus’ chest.

“Okay.” Magnus nods. It was indeed a lot of emotions for one evening. He probably hasn’t processed everything yet. It doesn’t mean that he’s not troubled with the prospect of Alec testifying. They will discuss it. But now, as he feels Alec’s body relax against him, he lets go.

Magnus barely gets to open his eyes and they’re already blinded by the sunlight. He squints and groans, covering his eyes with his hand. Then slowly blinks them open again, only to see Catarina grinning at him from the other side of the room, where she’s just put up the blinds. Magnus offers her a smile himself. Then his eyes rest on Alec as he begins to stir awake. They somehow shifted during the night and now Magnus has his arm wrapped around Alec from behind, pressed tightly to his back.

“You’re lucky I’m friends with you because I would have yelled at you for sleeping in a patient's bed,” Cat says as she steps closer to them, but her smile betrays that she’s not actually mad.

“Even if the said patient is my boyfriend?” Magnus rubs at his eyes, trying to chase the residues of sleep away.

“Especially then.” His friend throws him a wink and he chuckles. “How are you feeling, Alec?” She speaks towards the other man now.

“Good,” Alec replies with a nod and shifts to sit on the bed, letting out a yawn along the way. “I’m fine.”

“I’ll send the doctor in to repeat the tests, to see if everything's in order,” Catarina states and moves towards the door to leave, but stops in her tracks. “So you have like five minutes to put yourselves together, so I won’t be accused of favouritism and misconduct of work ethics.” She points a threatening finger at them, offers a bright smile and then leaves.

As the door closes behind her, Alec falls back onto Magnus’ chest with a groan.

“I want to be home already.” He whines.

“Me too, love.” Magnus kisses his hair.

“I’m glad that you stayed with me.” Alec pulls back and cups his cheek. “Thank you.” He leans in and places a sweet kiss to his lips.

“I’m not leaving your side.” Magnus declares with one more kiss. “But I do actually need to get out of this bed.” He adds and Alec reluctantly agrees with a sigh and pulls back.

It doesn’t take long for the doctor to arrive and test Alec’s blood and such stuff. They receive the results shortly and then are finally allowed to leave. Making a stop to say goodbye to Cat, where she reminds Alec to take better care of himself, what he promises he will do. She also tells him that if he ever feels unwell, he’s free to call her for some advice. They both thank her and before Magnus realises, they are in the car, already on their way home.

They don’t speak a lot during the road. It’s still pretty early in the morning and the streets aren’t that busy yet, so it doesn’t take long for them to reach their destination.

“I need a shower,” Alec announces as soon as they enter the apartment and heads for the bedroom.

“I’ll make some breakfast,” Magnus calls back as his boyfriend disappears through the door.

Magnus settles on making waffles since they’re Alec’s favourite. He hopes that this little incident will remind Alec to take better care of himself. He hates being treated like a child, and Magnus does not treat him as such, but the fact of how careless towards himself he can be, begins to scare Magnus. He tries to tell himself that it’s been a few stressful days. But if this situation ever repeats, Magnus hopes to God it won’t, but if ever, then he’ll have to take more serious actions.

Now, he just needs to pay attention and gently guide Alec if he’ll seem to step out of the right way.

All of sudden, Magnus reminds himself that he still hasn’t answered his father’s message from yesterday. He got too distracted last night. And there were more important than this. But he knows he should provide some response. Just as he knows he’ll talk to Asmodeus about his behaviour towards Alec the next time he sees him.

He pulls out his phone to read the text again. It’s just a simple message asking if everything is okay, but Magnus decides to call him and explain.

“Hello, son.” Asmodeus picks up almost immediately. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, all good,” Magnus answers and leans back onto the kitchen counter.

“How is Alexander feeling?” His father asks and Magnus can hear a note of true concern behind his words.

“He’s okay. It wasn’t anything serious.” Magnus explains. “He just needs to rest now. Look, I’m sorry about lunch yesterday.”

“Oh, it’s understandable, son,” Asmodeus says dismissively. “Don’t worry about this. But maybe we could do a rerun today?” He proposes then.

“I can’t today.” Magnus’ response doesn’t take long. He’s not going to blow away Alec’s worries. And Alexander needs him now, that’s the priority. “I want to take care of Alec. See that everything is okay.”

“I understand.” Asmodeus easily allows. “Well, some other day then. Send Alexander my regards and take care of him.”

Magnus smiles a bit to himself at his words.

“I will. Thank you.” He says and then they hang up.

He’s not sure if Alec will appreciate his regards as much as Magnus does, but he has to admit it was nice of him to say. He sounded very concerned for Alec, Magnus gives him that

But he might not raise this topic with Alec today. Not today at least. It’s enough of Asmodeus for one day.

By the time Magnus is done with preparing breakfast, Alec emerges from the bathroom but they both decide to settle and eat on the couch. Magnus lets them have a moment to just relax, finally back home and away from the hospital. But he can’t help to recall their conversation from last night. Especially the part he’s the most worried about.

Alec testifying.

“Were you serious?” Magnus asks as he puts their plates away at the coffee table.

“About what?” Alec looks at him with confusion.

“You testifying.” Magnus clarifies and Alec sighs heavily, but nods. It’s Magnus' turn to exhale heavily, the uneasy feeling growing in his chest. He debates on commenting further. He should be glad Alec decided to tell him about this, but still, the fear is bigger. “But, nobody is making you do this? It’s your choice?”

“Yes, Magnus. I proposed it myself.” Alec replies and Magnus feels his eyes widen a bit. He thought it might have been Maryse’s strategy, but to hear that Alec was the one to offer it… It’s a bit different. If someone asks Alec to do something, especially if it’s something revolving around justice, he’ll do it. So if Maryse, or even Josh requested for him to testify, he would. But if he really made this decision himself. Maybe he is ready?

“Do you want to… like, I don’t know, maybe talk about it?” Magnus offers then, hesitantly. “I mean, you’ll speak in front of the court, right? So if you want to practice or something… I just mean that I’m here to listen if you want-“

“No, Magnus, I’m fine.” Alec cuts in and doesn’t let him finish. “I appreciate it, but thanks.” He doesn’t look at Magnus when he speaks.

Magnus just nods but doesn’t argue furthermore. Recently, he began to realise that he doesn’t know a lot about Alec’s relationship with Raj. He’s never wanted to bring it up, because of the bad memories, but maybe he should have? Maybe talking about it would make Alec feel better at some point? All Magnus knows is very general, with no details. He guesses he was afraid to ask for any. It’s hard to listen to the sufferings of the man he loves.

“I’ve got classes in an hour so I should start getting ready.” Alec stands up from the couch. Magnus shakes his head to compose himself, and when he finally registers Alec’s words, he grabs his wrist.

“You’re not actually thinking I’m letting you go to classes today, are you?” He asks incredulously.

Alec shrugs.

“I feel okay.”

“Oh, no.” Magnus tugs at his arm still he sits back down. “You are not going anywhere today. You’re resting and that’s an order.”

Alec sighs heavily and rolls his eyes, but deep down, Magnus knows that he’s aware he won’t take no for an answer so he gives up without a fight.

“I’m not tired, so I guess you’ll have to keep me entertained.” He says, but there’s a hint of smile crawling onto his face.

“I’ll be more than happy to, my love,” Magnus tells him merrily and kisses him. He gently pushes Alec to lay down on the couch and goes to rest on top of him, not interrupting their kiss.

“I thought you said I should be resting,” Alec is breathless when he pulls back.

“Because you should.” Magnus agrees and begins to press kisses to his neck. “So you relax and let me take care of you.”

Alec tangles his fingers in Magnus’ hair and pulls lightly so they can look at each other. For a while he just studies Magnus’ face, his eyes tracing his features, lastly landing in his lips, but he doesn’t move just yet.

“I love you.” He says and outlines Magnus’ lips lightly with his finger, his own forming into a tender smile.

Magnus can do nothing else than reply with another kiss. They both know what it means.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Let me know all of your thoughts :) Does that talk feel satisfying to you? Or should Alec and Magnus speak about the issue with Asmodeus some more? And how is Alec really feeling about testifying? I want to know all of your ideas!  
On more of a sad note... I may be forced to break the weekly update schedule and I am so sorry for that. Everything with my school and upcoming exams is just getting too much, and although I really want to write, I sadly have no time to. I really hope you understand, because your support means everything to me. I will be back, for sure sooner than later. I am not saying there won't be a new chapter next week, there may be! But the updates maybe a little bit more irregular from now on. I truly hope you get that.


	19. The Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec feels nervous about testifying, Izzy makes plans for him and Magnus to relax a bit. Someone Alec really doesn't want to see shows up...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello,   
so after a bit longer break, I am back with almost a 10k chapter, hope it was worth the wait :) We dive a bit more into Alec's feelings regarding the trial and he goes seeking some advice... Then some more angsty stuff happens. But we also get an update on Alec's siblings and their significant others! WARNINGS: I am not sure how to state them not to spoil too much, to be honest. Let's say there's some violence and something non-consensual happens (it doesn't regard malec, of course). So please, if you're easily triggered skip to the notes below for a more detailed explanation. 
> 
> I know I've been complaining about the school here recently and how my senior year is killing me. Well, because of the epidemic all schools in my country are currently on lockdown, but for me, it's truly not a good thing. We're less than two months away from our final exams and I don't even know if they will take place now, so I'm basically even more stressed than before and my anxiety level is off charts. 
> 
> I'm sending my love and support to all of the regions touched by the epidemic. We can get through this, just please stick to the restrictions, remember about regular hygiene and take care of yourselves. Don't panic and try to relax, it's all going to be fine soon. 
> 
> For now, enjoy the read!

Magnus doesn’t let Alec leave the house for the next two days.

And as annoying it may be and as much Alec feels that he’s treating him like glass after the little incident at the hospital, he has to admit it feels kind of nice.

Alec’s glad they cleared most of the things up during that night at the hospital. He’s been looking for a good moment to bring up the topic of Magnus’ father for a while, but something always seemed to get in the way. Alec’s aware he can’t change Magnus’ point of view. Not without solid evidence that Asmodeus is up to something. He doesn’t have such. And maybe he was a bit overreacting? Alec tries not to pay too much attention to his boyfriend’s dad. There are more important things.

During the last two days, Alec’s begun preparing for the trial. There’s still a lot of things to do. Luckily Lydia took it upon herself to take care of the witnesses. When she heard about Alec’s trip to the hospital she too banned him from leaving the house and ordered to rest, promising that she has everything under control.

He’s very thankful for that because he really has a lot on his plate now. Like the fact that he decided to testify.

It’s not that he’s having second thoughts, but there’s this weird clenching feeling in his stomach every time he thinks about it. He appreciates that Magnus offered his help to prepare him, but that’s just not an option. Talking about his bad relationship experience, and the only experience he’s had for a very long time, with his current amazing boyfriend just doesn’t seem like a good idea. He trusts Magnus and he knows how much of a toll it could take on him to hear about Alec’s sufferings. There’s no point to hurt both of them.

They’re currently sprawled on the couch, enjoying Alec’s last free evening before he has to get back to classes tomorrow when there’s a gentle knock on the door, and Isabelle decides to let herself in, as she appears in the living room a few seconds later.

“How are my best men doing?” She smiles brightly and comes closer to greet them both with hugs.

Alec felt incredibly guilty that she had to witness this whole thing when he fainted. He never meant to scare her, but it’s not like he had any control over it. His body just decided to give up and he’s really learnt his lesson now.

“I think Simon may be jealous of this statement.” Magnus assumes when Izzy switches to hug him. She rolls her eyes fondly at him and waves her hand dismissively. “What brings you here, my dear?”

“Or more like what made you just barge in…” Alec trails of and his sister throws him a glare, but it’s lacking any heat. She brushes off his words as she answers.

“Just wanted to check in on my brother dearest.” She retorts and leans back from where she’s sitting in an armchair opposite them.

“I’m okay,” Alec replies comfortingly.

“And you Magnus?” Isabelle turns to him, flipping her long hair over her shoulder. “Everything good?”

“Everything is great,” Magnus assures her. “I’m glad I managed to convince this one to stay home and rest for a bit.” He points at Alec and he and Izzy share a knowing look, both of them aware how stubborn Alec can be.

“Oh, I almost forgot.” Isabelle suddenly gets reminded of something and reaches to her bag. “I’m actually on my way back from mom’s and she said to give you this.” She hands Alec a square container. “It’s your favourite cheesecake. She got worried that apparently, you’re not eating so she made you some.” She explains.

Alec rolls his eyes but gladly accepts the box. Of course, his mom panicked as soon as she heard about Alec’s accident. She’s been fusing about him, calling almost every day. She’s been busy too, so she hasn’t really had time to come by.

“Thank you,” Alec says with a smile. “I’m glad you didn’t cook anything.” He adds and Magnus chuckles at his side.

“Very funny.” Isabelle states. She exhales heavily and then picks back up. “So… are you free tomorrow?” She asks.

“I’m going back to classes, but we don’t have any plans afterwards.” Alec turns to Magnus as he answers, receiving a positive nod in answer.

“Great! Then we’re going on a date.” Izzy announces excitedly.

“Are you trying to steal my boyfriend, Isabelle?” Magnus jokes playfully to which she chuckles.

“I wouldn’t be the only one.” She winks at Alec, but he just gives her a confused glance. “But I meant like a double date.” She clarifies. “Wait, no. A triple date! You guys, me and Simon, and Jace and Clary.”

“I don’t know, Iz…” Alec tries, but he can see his sister won’t take no for an answer. Besides, he won’t be able to resists when she asks him for something. In the end, he’s always had a soft spot for his little sister.

“Come on, darling. It will be fun.” It’s Magnus who speaks and he shrugs lightly when Alec turns to him. It’s not that he doesn’t want to meet up with his family. It’s just… going out. He’s been thinking so much of the stressful week ahead of him that he didn’t make plans to take a break. But maybe he should…

“Exactly!” Isabelle backs Magnus up. “Come on, big brother. It’s been a while since we all met up to just chill. Don’t make me beg…”

“Okay, alright.” Alec agrees and Isabelle claps her hands together cheerfully.

“Perfect!” She states. “I’ll text you all the details when I figure them out. I have to run now. Just wanted to check on you and invite you guys out.” She gets up and Alec follows to walk her out. “So, I’ll see you tomorrow.” She checks in and they both nod.

Alec walks her to the door and hugs goodbye. She promises to let them know about tomorrow’s plans soon and then they part ways. Then he goes back to the living room and settles himself back on the couch next to his boyfriend.

Magnus throws him a weird gaze when he seats down and Alec answers with the same, and for a moment they just stare at each other as if trying to read something from their faces.

“What?” Alec asks eventually as Magnus continues to inspect him precisely.

“What did Izzy mean?” He questions then, but Alec still doesn’t get what he means. He looks back at him puzzled. “When she said she’s not the one trying to steal you. She had a weird expression on.” He thinks out loud.

Alec thinks too because he’s not sure what she meant. But there wasn’t anything recently that could-.

And then Alec reminds himself.

She was probably referring to the fact that Josh tried to ask him out at their latest meeting. He told her about it at the hospital. Not that it’s bothering him, it just came up. While Izzy stayed with him in the hospital room, they talked a bit more about this case with Raj. She only commented that he’s a catch, so she wouldn’t really blame Josh and they both just laughed it off.

Magnus must have noticed the moment when the realisation hit Alec since he still appears to be waiting for an answer, just raising his brows at him.

“It’s nothing.” Alec brushes it off simply.

“Alright, so just tell me.” Magnus retorts and there’s still this weird expression on his features. But Alec can swear he’s seen it before…

“Josh didn’t know I have a boyfriend and he asked me out when we last met,” Alec replies merely. Magnus’ face doesn’t soften at receiving this information. If so, it only becomes warier and Alec realises yet another thing.

Magnus is jealous.

He remembers now, how after his birthday they went to the archery track and there was this unpleasant guy at whom Magnus was throwing daggers at. It’s the same expression now.

“I declined, of course,” Alec adds with a hint of laughter as if it wasn’t obvious.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Magnus asks then, his expression still sharp.

“Just didn’t find it important.” Alec shrugs. “It was nothing, really.”

“But he likes you. I mean, he’s like attracted to you and you’ll keep meeting because of the case-“ Magnus starts to rumble.

“Babe, don’t be jealous.” Alec shakes his head with a chuckle.

“I’m not being jealous.” Magnus deflects quickly. “I just… you know…” He stumbles and Alec shifts on the couch to take his face in between his palms.

“There is no reason for you to feel threaten in any way.” He says slowly. “I love you and you’re my only one. Ever.” He states and Magnus lets a small smile overcome his face, but then it falls a bit, replaced by a hint of guilt.

“We were fighting back then…” He trails off and bites his lip, looking down. Alec urges his head up as he shakes his head.

“So what? Just because things weren’t blissful back then doesn’t mean I’m going to throw myself at any guy. I love you. That’s never gonna change.” He declares.

“I’m sorry.” Magnus sighs and leans into Alec’s touch. “It’s just my insecurities and stuff. I know it’s irrational of me. I love you too, angel."

“Well… it’s kind of hot though.” Alec admits hesitantly. It is a bit of a sexy concept. Maybe a small bit of jealousy is healthy in a relationship. Alec knows Magnus is not the one to destroy any guy that would just look at him for too long. Magnus has absolutely nothing to worry about because they both know they would never even consider being with anyone else than themselves.

“Oh, you think so…” Magnus shifts on the couch till he can straddle Alec. He nods to his boyfriend’s question, his lower lip trapped in between his teeth.

“But you have nothing to worry about.” Alec reminds him and places his hands on his hips. “I already got the best I could ever have.”

Magnus smiles softly and leans in to kiss him, cupping his face gently and caressing his cheeks.

“Me too, darling.”

Isabelle sets them all up to meet at 7 pm the next day, so they’re all done with school or work. Alec’s classes finish at four, but afterwards, he’s got another place to be.

No matter how much he hates returning there. 

He finds himself at the hospital’s hallway once again but this time for a totally different reason.

“Alec?” Catarina notices him as he stands awkwardly in the middle of the corridor. He hesitates, sue him. But deep down he knows he’s doing the right thing. “Is everything okay?” The nurse asks as she comes closer, probably noticing his uneasy expression.

“Everything is fine,” Alec reassures her and forces on a smile. “Actually, do you know if Ragnor is free right now?”

Cat tries to hide the worry and surprise on her face but is not doing a very good job at it.

“Does Magnus know you’re here?” She questions then.

Alec sighs but shakes his head.

It’s not that he feels bad, worse. He feels okay, but there’s no point in pretending that the perspective of testifying doesn’t fill him with some kind of dread. It scares him. He knows Ragnor will understand, that’s part of his job, and he knows parts of his history with Raj. There’s no point in making Magnus freak out if he has someone to talk to without having to reveal so much of his past.

“Are you feeling alright?” Catarina rests her palm on his forearm, now genuinely concerned.

“Cat, I’m great. I just want to talk to him about something.” He replies simply, trying for his voice not to shutter.

“Are you sure-“

“I am.” Alec cuts in. “And I’d appreciate it if you didn’t tell Magnus I was here.” He adds.

“Why?” Cat inquires.

“Because he would freak out.” Alec retorts with an exhale. “And none of us needs it right now. I promise nothing is wrong.”

“Alright.” Catarina agrees eventually. “But you know that if something was wrong, you could tell him, right?”

“Of course I know, but nothing is wrong. Really.” Alec confirms one more time.

“Ragnor’s just finished a session, so he should be at his office.” The nurse tells him and sends him a sympathetic smile.

“Thanks,” Alec replies and sets on his way to the said room after returning Cat’s smile.

One more deep, composing exhale and he knocks on the door. Another breath and he enters the office.

Ragnor is sitting at his desk, looking through some file, but he looks up as soon as the door open. There’s a hint of surprise on his features, but it swiftly morphs into a soft smile when he spots his visitor.

“Alec,” He still sounds a bit startled, but gets up from his chair as he greets him. “what brings you here?”

“Hi,” Alec starts as they shake hands and then Ragnor gestures for him to take a seat opposite his desk. “I just… wanted to talk, I guess.”

“I’m all ears then.” Ragnor declares easily.

It feels a bit weird. Begin here again. He hasn’t had a therapy session in a long time, and not that it is a therapy session, but it does kind of feel like one.

Ragnor’s office hasn’t really changed since he last visited. Still neat and tidy, all of the books put evenly on the shelves, the desk is as always in order, no mess. It’s a calming space, Alec has to admit. But as much comfort this place may bring, he does not have a lot of fond memories from here. But also, he didn’t come here to reminiscence.

“How’s Magnus? Is everything okay?” Ragnor prompts first.

“Yeah, he’s good. We’re good.” Alec answers with a hint of a smile. Ragnor eyes him precisely and then leans back into his chair.

“He doesn’t know you’re here.” He more states, than asks and Alec lets out another sigh.

“How do you know?”

“You got nervous when I mentioned him.” The therapist shrugs. “That hasn’t happened before unless you were hiding something from Magnus.”

“I’m not hiding anything, I just didn’t want him to freak out,” Alec admits genuinely. “If he knew I came to see you, he would think something is wrong, and nothing is wrong. I just wanted to talk about something.”

“Alright, I get it.” Ragnor retorts. At least he doesn’t take notes as he used to during their sessions. It does make it feel rather as a conversation, not therapy. “So, what’s the matter?”

There’s no point in stalling.

“My mom and I are leading the case, against my ex-boyfriend, Raj.” Alec begins to explain. Ragnor doesn’t let any emotions show on his face, just nods as if to indicate him to go on. “It’s kind of complicated, but the point is, I decided to testify against him. That’s a good idea and the best strategy we have, but recently I kind of started freaking out about it.”

“You’re scared.” Ragnor cuts in gently.

“I am,” Alec confesses. “It’s the right thing to do, but I just… it’ll be difficult to talk about this. You know yourself how long it took me to finally open up to you back then. And now to speak in front of the court…”

“Alec, it’s a normal thing to be stressed about this.” Ragnor states as he leans his elbows on the desk. “Frist of all, you need to ask yourself if this is really something you’re capable of doing. No one would blame you if you backed out.”

“I know, but I want to do this.” Alec answers. He’s done his part of thinking about this, but something keeps telling him that this is the right thing, that he needs to do this, also for himself.

“Okay,” Ragnor responds. Then he’s quiet for a while as if thinking about some solution. “I’m gonna be honest, there’s not much you can do about the stress. It’s going to be there because it is a stressful situation.”

As much as Alec hates it, he appreciates the truth.

“The thing you can do is try to somehow practice speaking about this, to make you feel more at ease with just recalling those memories.” The doctor continues then. “Have you spoken to Magnus about this?”

“No, that is not an option,” Alec states firmly and shakes his head.

“Why is that?” Ragnor frowns.

“It would be weird,” Alec admits hesitantly. “I mean, he always gets so…” He pauses to try and search for the right words, letting out a frustrated breath. “He suffers when I suffer. And it goes both ways. And it will hurt when I’ll start recalling those memories. I don’t want to see him in pain.”

“But what about you?”

“I’ve been through this,” Alec says. “The memories will hurt, but not as much as the actual experience. I have to face it and accept it. Move on.”

“I can assure you, that Magnus can help with that.” Ragnor resorts, but Alec still isn’t convinced. “Look, from my observations, I can say that Magnus is probably the person you trust the most, correct?”

Alec nods.

“It’s true, what you said about embracing those memories and learning to move on. What could be a better start than revealing them to the person you trust the most?”

Alec hates that he actually makes sense. He looks down because he can’t bear the doctor’s drilling eyes on him anymore.

“I don’t want to hurt him with this.” He says.

“But you won’t,” Ragnor states softly. “You won’t be the one hurting him. He’ll be mad at the people who hurt you. He’ll hurt for you, not because of you. This pain may be easier to carry together. I am sure Magnus wants to be there for you when it comes to this case, you just have to let him in.”

Silence falls after that. Alec tries to take in all of Ragnor’s words. They do make a lot of sense and the most reasonable thing would be to talk to Magnus about it. If he can’t speak about it to the person he trusts the most, then how can he be ready to reveal this at the court? Maybe he should rethink this whole testifying thing…

“The choice is yours,” Ragnor adds. “No one can force you, or pressure you into this.”

Alec nods lightly and after a few more seconds gets up from his chair.

“Thanks, Ragnor.” He says honestly. “I really needed that.”

“Always at your service.” The doctor smiles. “Give Magnus my best.”

“Will do.” Alec mirrors his expression and then he slips through the door, letting out a deep exhale as he closes them behind.

He’s got a lot of thinking to do.

Fortunately, he manages to get home before Magnus. It would be difficult to explain his absence and not reveal where he’s actually been. But maybe he should… He’s never been good with hiding stuff from Magnus, but…

He doesn’t get too much time to think since soon his boyfriend returns and it’s almost the time for them to leave and meet his siblings and their significant others. Magnus proposes to take a cab, but Alec retorts that he’s not in the mood for drinking today and just says that he can drive. His boyfriend eyes him a few seconds too long for Alec’s liking, but eventually drops it and agrees, so they head to the parking lot. It’s like Magnus can read Alec’s mind as if he knows there’s something he’s not telling him.

It’s going to kill him. This is not the right way, and what Ragnor said, that Magnus was the person Alec trusts the most, is true. So he has to try. Try to open up about his past relationship, try to face these memories again. It’s so clear to him now. He was stupid to turn down Magnus’ attempts to help the first time.

“I saw Ragnor today.” Alec finally confesses while they’re driving to the Hunter’s Moon. He’s focused on the road, but in the corner of his eye, he can see the alarmed expression beginning to crawl onto his boyfriend’s face.

“Are you feeling okay?” Magnus immediately questions, his hand wandering to rest lightly on Alec’s thigh, a comforting touch.

“I’m all good, I promise,” Alec answers shortly. “I just wanted to talk to him about something.”

“About what?” He barely gets to finish, before Magnus asks.

“Me testifying,” Alec admits with a sigh. “It’s kind of scaring me.” He hesitates but adds.

“It’s understandable.” Magnus agrees, but he turns to look out of the window a moment later, Alec feels him breaking the soothing touch on his leg as Magnus takes his hand away. Something in Alec begins to scream in alarm. Magnus doesn’t say anything more and they drive in silence for a while, before there’s a red light and Alec can finally look at his boyfriend. He doesn’t find him looking back. His shoulders are hunched up, tensed, even when he lets out an exhale.

“Are you mad at me?” Alec asks cautiously in panic.

Magnus sighs heavily and it actually takes him a while to answer.

“You really had to go to Ragnor?” There’s a hint of accusation in his tone that Alec can’t understand.

“He’s my therapist, Magnus.” Alec gently reminds him.

“Was,” Magnus says harshly and looks away again.

“No, he still is.” Alec urges. “The fact that I’m not seeing him regularly now, doesn’t mean-“

“Yeah, okay. Whatever.”

Alec takes a calming breath, his hands tightening on the steering wheel as he hears his boyfriend’s biting tone.

“Magnus,” He starts evenly, but then suddenly gets cut off by his boyfriend.

“So, why haven’t you told me earlier?” He asks.

“I didn’t want you to freak out that something is wrong,” Alec answers regretfully. It was a bad idea, he should have told him from the start, then they wouldn’t be in this situation.

“I thought we’re trusting each other.” Magnus spats angrily. “And then you just decide not to tell me-“

“Of course we’re trusting each other.” Alec rushes to say. “I just didn’t think it was that important. It was just one talk, I needed to clear my head a bit-“

“It doesn’t feel like we are recently, Alec. First, you don’t tell me about this guy asking you out, now this. What’s next, huh?” Magnus’ voice keeps increasing in volume.

Alec opens his mouth to say something but then closes it, not sure what actually to say. This is ridiculous. Alright, he was in the wrong for not telling Magnus since this plan formed in his brain, but news flash: people make mistakes. It’s just another one of them.

“If you didn’t think that’s so important, then why are you telling me now?” Magnus questions next.

“Would you prefer I didn’t?” Alec asks surprised. “I’m being honest-“

“Well, there was a time for it when you decided to do it.” Magnus retorts bitterly.

“There’s literally no reason for you to be mad at me.” Alec can’t help the defensive tone of his voice. Magnus nearly laughs at his words, but just shakes his head. “I went to seek help and you just-“

“That’s the thing, Alec!” Magnus basically yells now. “The help is literally right in front of you. How many times did I offer you to talk to me about this? I’m trying my best and you keep throwing it away and then you try to excuse yourself with seeking help. You have help. I’m sorry I’m not a qualified psychologist. Am I not enough for you?”

“I’ve never said that,” Alec states firmly.

“Well, it kind of feels like it. And it sucks.” Magnus concludes.

“It’s different. Talking to him and talking to you, okay?” Alec finally snaps.

“So you feel safer talking to Ragnor?”

“No, it’s not like this. It’s just different.” Alec tries but sighs as he can’t really explain it. Not when both of there are this worked up.

“Well, next time you have a problem, maybe just go to Ragnor instantly. Let’s not waste both of our time, shall we?” Magnus snarls, visibly irritated.

“Magnus please, stop.” Alec’s voice sounds pleading. He pulls out before the bar and stops the engine letting out another deep exhale and hiding his head in his palms. Now he wishes he didn’t say anything. And he’s very much not in a mood to see his siblings now, especially with his furious boyfriend next to him. He actually considers just starting the car again and turning back home. But before he can, Magnus exits it, so he recognises he has no other option than to do the same.

They enter the bar without sparing a glance at each other. The rest is already there and Isabelle waves them over to one of the booths. She smiles, but it easily fades when she seems to notice the tension between them. She doesn’t say anything though, as they greet the rest and take the last free seats.

But it’s obvious that everyone can see that something is wrong. Simon tries to prompt some conversation, but it shortly dies down, as if everyone’s mood has decreased with their arrival. Isabelle exchanges a gaze with Jace, Clary with Simon and as if coming to some silent agreement, they nod at each other.

“So, let’s get some drinks, right?” Clary proposes and forces on a tight smile. The rest of the table nods.

“I definitely need one,” Magnus mutters and Alec barely resists the urge to roll his eyes. Typical of him, to turn to the glass to numb anything that he may be feeling now.

“Great.” Clary claps her hands together and pulls Magnus up from his seat gently. “Simon, come help.” She orders lightly, but her friend immediately moves.

As soon as they’re out of earshot, Izzy and Jace lean on the table closer to Alec.

“What’s going on?” His brother asks without further ado. Isabelle continues to eye Alec precisely.

“Nothing. We had a fight.” Alec sighs as he admits, but doesn’t look at any of them.

“About what?” His sister prompts.

“Nothing, really.” Alec tries, although he knows they won’t take it as an answer. As expected, they both throw him unimpressed glances. “We just have to talk and figure it out.” He says and hopes it’s true.

“Okay, but did he like… do something?” Jace attempts then.

Alec decides that there’s no way they’re letting this go, so he has to tell them.

“I went to see Ragnor today, my therapist.” He reminds them and they nod. “I wanted to talk to him about feeling nervous with testifying…” He pauses slightly before carrying on. “Basically Magnus got mad that instead of talking to him, I preferred to discuss it with my therapist. And I also didn’t tell him that I was planning on seeing Ragnor.”

“Why?” Isabelle asks gently.

“I didn’t want him to freak out I was getting worse, or something.” He answers and shakes his head. “Didn’t work out.”

Izzy reaches for his hand and sends him a sympathetic smile, Jace mirrors the expression.

“I get that I messed up with not telling him about my plan, but he can’t be mad at me for seeking help.” Ale retorts.

“Of course not.” Jace agrees.

“But I kind of get his point,” Isabelle says then. Jace gives her a resigned look, but she swiftly carries on. “He thought that maybe he would be able to help you get through this. And instead, you turned for help to someone else. Which isn’t bad, of course, it’s not… He just may be a little hurt by that.”

And it does make sense. Magnus offered to help him, not even once, but Alec turned him down. The excuse that he didn’t want to watch him suffer through these memories with him is not enough now. But only Ragnor made him realise that he won’t be hurting Magnus.

_He’ll hurt for you. Not because of you. _

Alec closes his eyes for a brief second. He’s been an idiot, but also, he needed time. To realise and to become ready. He’s not going to apologize for that.

“I want to tell him,” Alec says then honestly. “I want to open up about this whole thing with Raj. I might have just realised it now… But it may be the best way to start dealing with this properly. But now, since we’re not okay… I don’t actually know when the right time for this may come.”

“Hey, like you said, you just need to talk. You’ll be okay in no time.” Jace tries to reassure and clasps his hand on his shoulder. Alec tries to smile at him but doesn’t quite manage to. Izzy and Jace exchange another pair of concerned gazes, but then the rest of their table returns, so they pull back to make the space.

Alec feels some sort of weird relief when Magnus sits down next to him and puts his hand on his back delicately. But then he’s not sure if Magnus is just doing it to maintain some image, to pretend that they’re okay. He still doesn’t look up at him, but then Magnus leans in to whisper to him.

“Could we maybe talk?” He asks hopefully and Alec pulls back to nod at him. It can’t wait till they get home, they both know it. It’s going to be weird and tense and it’s not only them here tonight. They’re ruining everyone’s night with their argument.

“We’ll be right back,” Alec tells Izzy as Magnus tangles their fingers together and pulls him towards the pool table in the corner of the room to get some privacy. She nods and smiles at the both of them understandingly.

Magnus takes a deep breath as they manage to get a bit away from their companions. Alec’s not sure how to start with this, so he’s very thankful when it’s the other man who does.

“I’m sorry,” Magnus says, still not letting go of his hand. His eyes are focused on the limited space between them. “I have no idea what came over me to snap at you like that.” He shakes his head, clearly annoyed with his behaviour.

“I’m sorry for not telling you about going to see Ragnor.” Alec knows it’s the thing he should apologize for. “Of course you are enough help and support for me. I’m sorry if I made you feel different.”

“I was being stupid,” Magnus admits. “Jealous, even. And I am sorry for that. I’m proud of you for seeking help. I should have never made you feel bad because of that.”

Alec steps a bit closer and puts his palm on Magnus’ cheek to make him look up. When he does, Alec smiles at him softly.

“It’s okay.” He states and his boyfriend relaxes a bit. “It’s just different…” He tries to explain again. “I trust you, so much.” He sees that Magnus wants to interrupt, but doesn’t let him. “I love you. And that’s why it’s difficult for me to talk to you about the stuff with Raj. You’ll be… you’ll be sad and in pain. You’ll hurt for me, and I’d hate to make you hurt in any way-“

“Darling,” Magnus rests his hands on Alec’s hips and brings him even closer. His tone is serious when he speaks. “listening to you sharing your story is the least I can do. And I really want to be there for you, I want to help as I can. Of course, it will hurt, I hate even the thought of someone causing you pain. But this is something we can get through together, right?” He smiles more genuinely now.

Alec nods behind the tears burning up in his eyes. He encircles his arms around his boyfriend and hugs him tightly, feeling Magnus returning the embrace just as strongly.

“I just need a bit more time,” Alec whispers, but from where they’re pressed so close together, he’s sure Magnus can hear every word. “To open up fully about this. But I’ll try, I promise.”

“And you can have all the time you need, angel,” Magnus reassures instantly and pulls back to look at him. “I love you.” He says and kisses him tenderly.

“I love you too,” Alec whispers in between their lips before connecting them again. “We should get back.” He smiles against his mouth.

“Yeah.” Magnus agrees but steals one more kiss that makes Alec’s smile grow even more.

When they slide into their seats back at the table, hands still clasped together and little, intimate smiles plastered on their faces, everyone seems to relax a bit for seeing them like this.

“Did you kiss and make up?” Jace questions only half-jokingly, but it brings out a few chuckles from the rest.

“Yeah,” Magnus admits as he looks back at Alec lovingly. “Something like that.”

The rest of the evenings feels a lot better since his argument with Magnus is resolved. Not only for them, but it seems that for everyone. They finally have the time to properly catch up on everything that’s going on in their lives. And as much as his and Magnus’ life might have been uneventful (excluding Alec coming after his toxic ex and Magnus mending his relationship with his father, but it’s not like they’re in the mood to talk about this), it turns out his siblings have some interesting news to share.

“So…” Simon begins at some point and he seems nervous to be bringing up whatever he intends to say. Isabelle squeezes his hand and gives him an encouraging smile. It’s enough for him to finally talk. “I decided to drop out of college…” He pauses to let the information sink in for everyone.

To be honest, Alec is not too surprised about that. It was just a matter of time before it would become too hard to reconcile school with his growing music career. The choice must have been an easy one. Simon mentioned more than once that music is what he loves and wants to do in his life fully.

So he just lets a smile climb onto his face at the news, same as the others.

“Also, I got a record deal, and that’s the part why I had to drop out,” Simon adds then and it brings out more euphoria from his listeners.

“How could you not start with that?!” Clary accuses her friend, but her face is supporting a big grin when she leans into Simon’s side to hug him. “This is so great, congratulations!”

“Yeah, congrats Simon,” Alec says genuinely and the rest nods in agreement.

“So, are you recording an album?” Jace asks curiously.

“That’s the plan, yes.” Simon smiles even wider.

“Okay, that calls for some celebratory drinks,” Isabelle announces cheerfully.

“You're sure you don’t want anything, darling?” Magnus asks him lightly, but he shakes his head. Alcohol doesn’t feel like a great option tonight. He’s not sure why, maybe it’s still the consequences of his last drunken adventures, but he decides to go easy tonight.

“Yeah, it’s Simon’s big day!” Clary adds as she leans lightly onto Jace’s side.

“Sorry, I’m just not in the mood I guess,” Alec admits.

“That’s okay.” Simon swiftly reassures. He’s still smiling, feels like he has for the whole evening.

“I didn’t mean to push-“ Clary tries with a guilty voice, but Alec shakes his head.

“It’s fine, Clary. Really.” He assures her and she seems to relax a bit.

A moment later Isabelle returns and they dive into a discussion about Simon’s songs for the album. Izzy is lucky enough to witness the process and she says she can’t wait for them all to hear it when it’s ready. There’s still a lot of work, but when it’s done, Simon will for sure feel like on cloud nine.

“Okay, we’ve got some news too,” Clary informs then and Jace nods as she looks at him. The rest waits impatiently for them to share.

“We found a place and we’re moving in together.” Jace is the one to reveal and Clary agrees with another smile and small peck on her boyfriend’s lips.

“That’s so great.” Magnus is the first one to say and then the rest folds their compliments. They all know how hard it had been at the beginning for them. Jace was leaving in a dorm with Clary still in Luke’s apartment with barely any money. But recently they’ve really got back up, Clary selling her art and Jace finding a decent job that he actually likes. They deserve it like no one else.

“So what about you?” Izzy prompts later after taking a sip of her drink. “Any news you’d like to share?”

“I’m afraid our life is not as exciting as yours, dear,” Magnus admits jokingly and Izzy rolls her eyes.

“Yeah, same old.” Alec agrees, but glances to Magnus with a smile and sees him mirroring the expression. It’s not like they need some big changes, they’re totally fine with what they have.

“You’re like these old, married couples,” Simon says and they all can hear that he might have had one too many of the celebratory drinks, but just laugh it off. “Wait, you should get married!” He exclaims then and points at the said couple, which only brings out another wave of laughter. “What? They are like the perfect couple. Seriously.” Simon just pouts.

“Yeah, one day we will,” Magnus says softly and sweeps his hand along Alec’s back comfortingly.

“Will what?” Isabelle inquires teasingly.

“Get married,” Alec answers but is still looking at his boyfriend’s beautiful smile.

“When?” His sister pushes playfully and he throws her a glare.

“Let me graduate first, Izzy. We talked about it.”

“You did?” It’s Magnus’ turn to ask surprised.

“A little bit,” Alec admits and can feel his cheeks heating up a bit. Isabelle winks at him cheekily, but doesn’t draw up the subject, just smiles and takes another sip of her drink.

Magnus doesn’t say anything more too, but his smile is as bright as the sun when he leans in to kiss him gently. As if trying to say ‘it’s cute you speak with your sister about wanting to marry me’. Then he tightens his hold around Alec a bit and brings him closer.

And in the end, Alec is happy he agreed for this triple date.

They decide to call it a night a little bit later. Simon is wasted and almost falling asleep in his seat and Clary is very close to that state herself. But Alec trusts his siblings to take care of them and get them home safely, so he and Magnus leave the bar with no remorse.

The drive back home is pretty calm. It’s late and there’s basically no traffic, or just better traffic, there’s always traffic in New York.

But they get home quickly and Alec’s not sure how they end up making out against they’re apartment door, or how things escalated to this point when just a while ago he was looking for his key.

And it’s lovely, it really is. Alec loves nothing more than having Magnus this close to him, pressed so tightly like he’d want them to merch into one. Kissing him until they’re both breathless.

“Magnus,” Alec gasps out as his boyfriend moves to pay attention to his neck with his lips then. Alec’s knees nearly buckle as he feels him suck on a particularly sensitive spot. “we should get in.”

“Yeah,” Magnus doesn’t disconnect their bodies when he reaches for his key, that he must have had ready in his pocket for a long time (bastard), and blindly manages to unlock the door so they stumble inside.

And it’s great, it’s amazing when their coats land on the floor in a fast desire to get to the bedroom as quickly as they can. But this is something Alec can’t let himself have tonight. It’s not something he wants. He loves getting close to Magnus in every way, but he needs to have his head clear to be able to enjoy it. And tonight, his head is a mess.

It’s not about his fight with Magnus, that’s in the past. But he won’t deny that something is bothering him. It probably has to do with him testifying and the fact that he decided to open up to Magnus about Raj. But he can’t do this tonight, he’s too tired. And until he does that, there’s no way that his head will be clear.

“Magnus,” Alec pulls back from their kiss when Magnus starts to unbutton his shirt. They’re only half-way to the bedroom, but Alec makes them stop in the hallway. “I don’t want to have sex tonight.” He admits but doesn’t look at him.

“Okay.” Magnus doesn’t sound put off, he never does. There’s not even a hint of disappointment or annoyance in his voice and Alec doesn’t know how he does it. He is disappointed and annoyed with himself when he feels the need to deny Magnus something like this. It’s not like Magnus is never not in the mood, it’s just that it’s more often Alec who doesn’t want to go all the way because of some stupid voices in his head or dumb insecurities.

Magnus slides his hands till they can rest on Alec’s hips and holds him a bit more gently. Alec wants to say he’s sorry, but they’ve been through this conversation a lot of times and he knows Magnus hates it when he does that, when he thinks he has to apologize for this, so he bites his lip and stops himself for saying anything when he finally looks back at his boyfriend. Magnus just smiles at him, as if noticing the guilty expression and reaches to sweep some hair from his forehead lovingly.

“Are you okay with kissing?” He questions softly and Alec can’t help the wetness he feels in his eyes. Because sometimes it’s still so unbelievable that he has some as gentle and caring as Magnus. He doesn’t really trust his voice right now, so he only nods and leans in to kiss his boyfriend delicately.

Magnus returns easily and sets them back on their route to the bedroom. When they get there they undress each other, but there’s nothing sexual about it, it’s slow and tender. It’s sweet, and Alec loves the way that not everything always needs to lead to sex, that they can take pleasure just from these simple things.

They end up under the covers, trading another few dozens of kisses before settling comfortably to fall asleep. It’s a perfect ending to such a lovely evening.

The next day normality comes crashing down on the both of them. It’s so easy to forget, basically about everything, when he’s in Magnus’ arms. But then the morning comes and life has to go on, so reluctantly Alec drags himself out of bed, not without kissing his boyfriend yet again of course, and sets out with his routine. He knows that because of the case he’s been neglecting his studies a bit. Priorities have to be set, but he does want to graduate and with upcoming exams, he really needs to focus. That’s why after a demanding day full of classes, he finds himself in the university’s library with Lydia, trying to study.

They’ve been here for what feels like forever but turns out to be just three hours when Alec finally checks his phone when Lydia announces that it’s time to call it a night.

“I think I’ll stay awhile longer. Wanna get through this chapter.” Alec points out to the books he’s currently flipping through and making notes.

“Suit yourself, but I have to leave now.” Lydia retorts and only then Alec notices something nervous about her whole demeanour. She rolls her shoulders back in an attempt to relax as if feeling that Alec has noticed something.

“Is everything okay?” He asks cautiously.

Lydia’s lips form into a thin line and she actually takes her time answering. She’s already put on her jacket and took her bag, but then she settles in back on the table and sits down at her place in front of Alec.

“I’m going on a date tonight.” She finally reveals with a nervous exhale.

“Lyds, that’s so cool,” Alec says immediately and feels a smile tugging at the corner of his lips. “Who is he?”

“Just some guy I met during my internship.” She replies, but her voice is a bit softer now. Alec smiles even wider. “And I guess I’m nervous because you know… I haven’t done that in a while.” She confesses.

Alec reaches across the table and takes her palm, causing his friend to look at him.

“That’s okay.” He swiftly reassures. “Just try to have fun and be yourself,” Alec advises. “There’s no way he’s not gonna notice how amazing you are.”

Lydia smiles at that and squeezes his palm before getting up.

“Thanks, Alec.” She says genuinely. “Don’t stay up too long.” She orders then, as she rounds the table to kiss him on the cheek as a goodbye.

“Have fun!” Alec calls out after her and she turns to throw him one last smile over her shoulder.

Alec returns his focus on his textbook, but it’s not like he’s being very progressive now. He feels so happy for Lydia and hopes that whatever it is, it’s going to work out. His friend deserves the best. She always so focused on school and work that she tends to forget about her own needs. Everyone deserves to have fun once in a while. College is supposed to be the best time of their lives, they can’t just boggle over textbooks all the time.

Which is what Alec feels that he’s had enough of today. And just as if reading his mind, he receives a text from Magnus.

_From: Magnus_

_I think it’s enough of studying for tonight, angel. Get ready, I’ll be over to pick you up in 20. _

Alec smiles at the message and when he actually checks out the time, it is getting pretty late. Magnus is right, it’s enough for today. He won’t learn much more while he’s almost falling asleep over the book.

A few minutes later Alec gathers up his things and leaves the library. The campus is almost empty at that time, only a handful of people hanging out besides the few still in the library. It’s quiet, and maybe even a bit relaxing, opposite to the usual hustle here. Alec rarely gets to see this place like this.

H sets on his way to get to the driveway to wait there for Magnus, but that’s when he hears a voice calling after him.

A voice he would much rather never hear again.

He ignores it and just begins to walk faster, a spark of panic lighting up in his chest because any kind of confrontation with Raj isn’t on his today list.

Or any day list.

“Alec!” His voice is much closer now and Alec speeds up even more, but he can hear the footsteps getting closer to him.

He flinches when a hand touches his shoulder and he quickly turns to shake it off. That’s when he’s faced with Raj.

“Wait, I want to talk to you.” The man says, but Alec only shakes his head, taking a step back, ready to dissolve into a run if he has to.

“I don’t want to talk to you.” He replies sharply and begins to walk away.

“Please, this is important.”

Then a hand grabs his arm and Alec feels not so pleasant memories flowing up to the surface. He quickly rips his hand away.

“Don’t touch me.” He wishes his voice could sound stronger, but he can’t help the bile rising in his throat only when he’s around this man.

“Look, someone’s trying to set me up. They’re accusing me of some stuff I didn’t do. You’re a lawyer, right? You can help with that.” Raj rushes to explain, but Alec continues to shake his head, feeling only more anger towards him. Of course, he comes to him when he wants something.

Also, accused of some things he didn’t do? Alec is the one to know the best what he’s done. There’s no way he’s falling for this.

“I’m not a lawyer yet, but even if I was, I would never help you.” Alec retorts calmly. He shouldn’t even waste time talking to him, but he has to keep the look as if he has no idea what he talks about. He can’t reveal anything that might endanger their case.

“Come on, Alec, please. I know how smart you are. You must have some legal advice at least.” Raj smiles at him and Alec looks away.

_Firstly, don’t commit a crime, this may get you in serious trouble_, Alec thinks, but doesn’t say out loud.

Raj reaches for his hand again, but Alec backs out.

“Stop.” He states firmly. “I’m not going to help you. Ever.”

Raj blinks up at him as if surprised with Alec’s sudden outburst of courage. Or just the fact that he’s not going to get what he wants this time. And Alec really should use these few seconds to leave, but somehow his mind can’t catch up with his actions and he freezes when Raj says his next words.

“I missed you, Alec.”

“No, you didn’t.” Alec shakes his head again, his tone still firm. _Or I didn’t, cutting you off was the best decision of my life_.

“I did. I really did.” Raj takes a step towards him and Alec keeps backing out. It’s getting too close, he feels too crowded. This isn’t a safe space and he begins to have troubles breathing, he can feel the panic attack at the corner. “The truth is, that it’s always been you. I might have tried to replace you, but no one could. Why do you think that I’m here?” Raj laughs lightly.

_Because you hurt someone_.

Alec feels sick and just continues to shake his head. Raj is trying to manipulate him yet again, just when he thought that he’s never going to have to endure it again. Every bone in his body is screaming at him to move, but it feels like his mind is totally somewhere else, reliving his worst memories connected with Raj.

“I’ve never stopped loving you,” Raj confesses and Alec feels like he’s going to throw up. “So, if you ever loved me, then please just help me.”

“I’ve never loved you.” Alec barely lets him finish and cuts in sharply. It comes so easily for him to say. He has to say it.

“This isn’t true.” Raj looks as if he truly doesn’t believe it, which to be honest begins to scare Alec. He might have said 'I love you', but Alec never replied because it isn’t how he felt and he wasn’t going to lie. “We worked so well together.” He recalls.

“Stop.” Alec almost pleads now. He can’t listen to this, this is getting absurd.

This time Raj manages to get the hold of Alec’s hand and it sets another kind of panic through his body. It’s like electroshock, the unwanted touch and Alec feels as if something dirty and hurtful began to course through his whole system.

“Alec, we can make this work again. Us.” Raj says and he sounds almost mad. Alec can’t really focus on his words, too busy trying to rip his wrist away from his grip.

“Let go of me.” He tries, but his voice lets him down yet another time when the words don’t come out strong enough. The spot that Raj’s fingers have encircled now is the same one he grabbed Alec by that last night when he pinned his hands to the wall and tried to do whatever he pleased with him.

“Alec, I just want a second chance.” The hold on his wrist seems to tighten as Raj speaks as if desperately trying to stop him from leaving. Which is the only thing that Alec can think about now. He wants to get as far as possible from that man, but he can’t. He doesn’t have enough strength to fight.

“Raj, please, let go of me.” Alec tries calmly. His vision begins to blur out as tears gather up in his eyes. He hates feeling this helpless. It’s like an essence of being with Raj is coming back to him now, like this very moment could describe their whole relationship. Raj being manipulative and controlling and Alec not being strong enough to do anything about it.

“Just say that we’ll try.” Raj basically begs and tries to yank him closer by his hand by Alec fights back. The hold on his wrist is painful now, that much that it may even leave a bruise. Alec can barely feel the blood flowing through his wrist there.

“Raj, you’re hurting me. Let go.” Alec almost whispers because of how weak his voice sounds. It doesn’t make Raj do anything, only seems to want to break him even more, applying more pressure.

Raj is just about to say another bullshit lie, but then several things happen at once and firstly Alec isn’t sure if he’s not imagining it, but he feels too drained to make anything up, so he just stands and observes the scene.

“Hey!” First, they both hear a voice calling out, but before Alec registers anything, a first punch is laid. With some much force that Raj lands on the ground, fortunately letting go of Alec’s hand.

Then it doesn’t take Alec a lot of time to recognise the silhouette that’s currently beating the crap out of his ex-boyfriend.

But he still feels frozen, paralysed. He can only stand and watch as Magnus lands yet another punch. It’s like all of his senses are blocked. He doesn’t hear if they’re saying anything, only the loud thump of blood in his own ears. He risks a glance at his wrist and indeed sees a bruise forming there. He touches it and somehow the ting of pain it sends through his body seems to rip him out of this weird, catatonic state.

“Magnus, s-stop. Stop.” He tries with his withering voice, but it seems that Magnus is in his weird trance too. “Stop,” Alec repeats stronger, but this time uses force to separate him from Raj. He grabs his shoulders and drags him away, pulling him up to his feet.

Raj is still lying on the ground, rolling onto his side and spitting blood. Somehow he managed to mostly protect his face, but there are still a few visible bruises. Not that Alec worries about that, but it isn’t good for any of them now to start a fight. The rational part of Alec’s brain begins to think of an impact it may have on the trial, but it’s easily shut down. His thoughts are all over the place now.

Magnus didn’t get out of that fight fully okay too. He’s panting, looking down at Raj as if considering to throw yet another punch. His bottom lip is split and bleeding, Alec notices as he wipes it over his sleeve, but besides that, he seems fine as Alec tries to assert the damage.

There’s a moment when all of them just stand. The hum of blood now quieter in Alec’s ears and he can also hear his boyfriend’s sharp inhales and Raj’s cough from the ground.

Magnus looks as if he’s really going to launch himself for his victim again and Alec decided to hold him back, just in case, so he grabs his arm.

“If you ever touch him again, if you even come close to him, then it’s going to end up way worse for you, I swear to God.” Magnus declares furiously. Raj only answers with a laugh and Alec’s not sure if the man maybe has a concussion, or if he’s really become mad. He doesn’t want to dwell on any of these things now, he wants to get away, as far as possible.

A wave of nausea suddenly overcomes him and he abruptly lets go of Magnus only to manage to walk a few steps away before falling onto his knees and emptying the contents of his stomach.

He doesn’t feel like he can get up, suddenly everything hurts and there are hot tears on his face. Fuck, he just feels so helpless and tired and he hates that he let such a thing get to him. It was just a touch.

Until it wasn’t. He managed to leave his mark on Alec yet again. When he felt safe and sure that he would never give up control so easily.

But he did.

“Alexander,” Magnus’ voice sounds gentle, but Alec doesn’t manage anything more than shake his head. He glances at his boyfriend over his shoulder and sees that he’s not sure what he should do. Alec knows he wants to just reach for him, lead him to the car and take him home. And he wants that too, but he can’t let him touch him. Not right now, no matter how much he hates himself for it.

He tries to get to his feet and stumbles again. Magnus rushes in an attempt to hold him up, but Alec waves his hand and he steps back. When he finally manages to get up, he doesn’t even spare a glance behind him, not in the least caring if Raj still lays on the ground. He wraps his arms tightly around himself, not fully aware of the sob that escapes him and just beings to move forward. Magnus following right away but keeping a reasonable amount of distance.

He doesn’t stop till he gets to the car. Magnus quickly catches up to him and opens the door to the passenger’s side and he all but collapses into the seat, letting out a heavy exhale. None of them says any words and Alec can’t bring himself to do so.

Magnus soon rounds the car and settles behind the wheel himself. He starts the engine but glances at Alec before backing out off the parking spot.

And Alec knows that it’s an impulse, knows it's a thing they do to reassure and comfort each other, to show that they’re there for each other, but he flinches when Magnus gently tries to lay him palm on his thigh.

And he hates himself for it.

“Sorry-“ Magnus begins as he quickly takes his hand away. Alec sees the guilt in his eyes, but can’t bring himself to say that it’s nothing, that it’s okay.

“Just,” He starts to clog out, his voice still quiet and feeble. “Home. Can we please go home?” He manages before his voice breaks.

“Of course.” Magnus sets on their way as Alec rests his head against the window. Watching New York’s lights fade away as they pass by them.

They drive home in silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS: Alec has a run-up with Raj and while he tries to get away Raj grabs his wrist, quite hard. Then Magnus comes in and throws a few punches... 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! And sorry for the wait, no promises about when the next chapter will be out, but you know me, so not too long I think :) So, Alec's going to be facing some tough memories now, plus the testifying... Won't be easy. Do you think he's going to handle it or should he back out? And what do you think about Magnus' reaction?   
I'll see you soon with some answers! Stay safe guys and take care of yourselves! :)


	20. The Confessions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Both Alec and Magnus have a hard time after yesterday's events. Both in their own ways.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello  
It's Malec Monday, right? ;)  
I hope you all are staying safe and taking care of yourselves. A bit long of a chapter today, so I hope it will be worth the wait. Also, a hard chapter for me to write and post. As the title may suggest, some confessions happen. WARNINGS: talk about an abusive relationship, quite detailed this time, plus mentions of self-harm and depression.  
Hope you'll like how it turned out. I promise some more action is coming soon!
> 
> Enjoy the read!

Magnus is thorn apart by emotions. And any of them aren't positive.

He’s not sure which one is the strongest either. There’s this tremendous wave of anger flowing through him, the need to get back there on the college’s campus and keep punching Raj’s stupid face is almost too overwhelming. But on the other hand, there’s this incredibly strong pain and hurt he feels for Alec now.

He hates it, seeing him so hurt. It’s the worst kind of pain he can be going through, seeing the person he loves the most like this. And being so helpless about it.

He felt that something was wrong, while he was waiting for Alec at the university’s driveway. There was just this uneasiness rising in him when Alec wasn’t showing up. He knows how focused his boyfriend gets when he studies, so he just assumed that Alec was still at the library. Then he decided to go and get him away from his books himself.

Now he just wishes he came earlier.

It took him a moment to realise who Alec was speaking too while he spotted him on the campus. But somehow, he could feel that the conversation wasn’t pleasant. Alec looked nervous and tense. As Magnus kept approaching, he saw Alec’s wrist in the other man’s hand. Then he was sure he heard Alec call the man’s name. Raj.

That’s when he dived into a run to get to them.

All he could think about was getting Alec as far as possible from this man, but it was like he couldn’t control himself. All he saw was red. It felt like his body was moving at its own accord. Someone was touching Alexander, and this touch was for sure unwelcomed. Someone was hurting him.

It was like time stopped. He kept hitting Raj as if thinking that could make up for all of the pain he’s ever caused for Alec. He’s not a man for violence, never was, but this felt like the only thing he could do. Show this piece of shit that he has no right to ever touch Alec, to even get close to him, to speak to him.

He’s not proud of what he’s done. But when it comes to Raj, he feels like he would do it again if the situation called for it.

And to be honest, Magnus is not sure how to act now. He wants to talk to Alec because he sees how shaken up he is. But at the same time, he knows that Alec won’t want that now. It’s too soon. All he wants to do is to just hug his boyfriend, hold him close and allow him to let all of his emotions out. But he can’t do that either, because Alec doesn’t want him to even touch him.

He can’ blame him. Magnus is aware that all of the traumatic memories are coming back to him now. He knows that before he and Magnus got together, for Alec touch was something that wasn’t always consensual. And Magnus would never do this to him.

The drive home felt tenser than ever. Magnus kept glancing to the passenger side. Alec was basically shaking and got as white as a sheet, and Magnus could see that he was on the verge of a panic attack. When they finally came to a stop in front of their apartment building, Alec was moving like on autopilot. Mechanically leaving the car and heading to the block, not stopping or glancing back.

“I need a shower,” Alec says as soon as they enter the loft and heads straight for the bathroom. Magnus doesn’t find any words to stop him.

He lets out a long sigh and closes his eyes as he stands in the middle of the living room, alone. It’s all getting too much. Just a while ago, everything used to be so great. Then came Alec’s ex-boyfriend, he took the case, Magnus’ father begun to complicate some things. And Alec was so ready to start opening up to Magnus about Raj. Now it’s all ruined.

And Magnus feels even stronger need to know now. He wants to know what exactly Alec’s been through. Wants to support him and show him that no matter how bad it could have been, he’s always here and he will understand.

Magnus hears the water in the shower running as he finally moves. His legs lead him to the drink cart and he resolves that it might be a good idea to calm his nerves a bit, so he prepares himself a whiskey.

Only when his lips touch the rim of the glass, he’s reminded of his own injury he’s got from this terrible encounter. The cut on his lip stings when it touches the alcohol. He curses quietly under his breathe and moves to the kitchen to try and patch it up.

Either way, it will heal soon. He can’t say the same about Alec’s injuries. They’re worse because they aren’t physical, they’re mental.

Magnus isn’t sure how much time passes, he’s too lost in his thoughts. But when he focuses, he can’t hear the water running anymore, but Alec still hasn’t emerged from the bathroom. With a heavy heart, Magnus moves to the bedroom to knock gently on the bathroom door.

“Alexander, are you okay?” Stupid question, but he has to ask. There are no suitable words he could use now.

The answer doesn’t come for a long moment and Magnus begins to feel even more stressed and worried. But then the little lock clicks and he steps back so Alec can leave the bathroom freely. His hair is dripping wet and he looks down as he exhales heavily. For a moment, Magnus feels as if he may say something, but nothing comes out. Alec still looks like he’s on the edge of breaking down at any moment.

“Darling,” Magnus starts softly and waits till Alec’s eyes focus on him. When they do, they seem uneasy and filled up with tears. “hey,” He tries to smile at him, but all he really wants to do is to take him into his arms and say that everything will be okay eventually, so he asks. “Can I touch you?”

Alec inhales harshly and closes his eyes, but then slowly begins to nod.

Magnus moves carefully, as if not to startle him. He barely resists the urge to just draw him into his arms, but he starts with a light touch on his arm, not sure how much Alec can take. He runs him palm up and down Alec’s arm soothingly, trying to transfer his words into the reassuring touch. Alec sobs quietly and Magnus is quite taken aback when Alec launches himself into his embrace. It still takes him only half of a second to return it, so he wraps his arms around his boyfriend as he cries.

“It’s going to be fine, angel.” He holds him tightly, feeling him shake. “You’re safe, I’ve got you.”

“I hate this.” Alec gets out through his tears. “I hate that he can still have this kind of power over me. That I am so weak.”

“Shh, darling.” Magnus runs his hands up and down his back delicately. “You’re not weak, love.”

Alec just sobs harder and when his legs almost give up from the exhaustion, Magnus gently leads him to the bed, helps him crawl under the covers and lays down next to him. Never fully letting go of him, still cradling him in his arms. Alec rests his head on his shoulder as he calms down a bit. His breath is still coming out sharp from the crying, but slowly he tries to even it out. Magnus gives him all the time he needs, his hand combing through his hair now. His heart is still breaking for how fragile the man in his arms feels.

They sit in silence and both of them know that sleep won’t come anytime soon. Magnus feels exhausted, but there’s no way he’s letting Alec stay awake alone right now. Even if he has to stay up all night, he will. Magnus keeps trying to reach for something to say to at least try to lead Alec’s thoughts away from today’s events, but there’s nothing he can think of. Then suddenly his eyes land on Alec’s hands above the cover and that’s when he spots the bruise forming on his right wrists.

Magnus closes his eyes and exhales heavily to try and compose himself.

It’s worse than he thought. It will be even harder for Alec to forget now that he’s got a constant reminder of what happened on his hand. Magnus can’t even imagine how Alec feels, it just really hurts.

“Darling, can I see it?” Magnus asks sympathetically and points with his head to his hand. Alec doesn’t look at him, but after a moment of hesitation pulls out his arm for Magnus to examine. He gently traces the nasty, red mark. “Does it hurt?”

“A little,” Alec replies in a raspy voice and Magnus yet again curses Raj in his mind.

“Maybe we should point ice on it?” Magnus questions then as he kisses the skin above the bruise gently. “I’m going to bring some-“ He tries to get out of the bed, but Alec stops him as he grabs his arm.

“No,” He looks up at Magnus with some kind of fear in his eyes. “please stay.”

“Okay, I’m right here, darling.” Magnus quickly reassures and kisses the top of his head as they settle in more comfortably. “I’m not going anywhere.” He means it in every way he can think of.

“I’m tired,” Alec admits after a while.

“Then try to get some sleep, love.”

“I can’t.” Alec shakes his head. “I’m scared.” He buries himself even deeper into Magnus’ embrace.

Magnus wishes he could do something about it. He knows Alec may start experiencing nightmares again and it’s never easy to get out of that. It scares him too because Alec has come such a long way and now it’s all starting to crumble down like a house of cards.

He can try to protect Alec, a job he’s clearly failed at today, but he can’t get into his head and protect him in his dreams, no matter how much he’d want to.

“Nothing can hurt you now, angel.” Magnus reminds him soothingly. “You’re safe, I promise.”

_I’m sorry I couldn’t save you. I’m sorry I failed at protecting you_.

Alec nods lightly as Magnus hugs him closer.

There’s not much he can do for him than just being here now.

They didn’t get a lot of sleep.

Magnus wakes up incredibly tired, but the upside is that Alec is still fast asleep next to him. He needs all the rest he can get.

Besides the exhaustion he feels, Magnus is conflicted.

He knows the rational thing to do. He should tell Izzy and Jace about yesterday’s events because he did promise his boyfriend’s brother that they will be the first people to know if anything regarding Raj would happen.

But at the same time, he knows that it isn’t something Alec would want. He wouldn’t want to worry his siblings. Izzy could go crazy with concern and Jace would freak out and probably declare to kill Raj with his bare hands.

But Alec won’t be able to hide it. Too much had happened yesterday and he won’t get over it in two, or three days. This is too important and too dangerous not to tell them. They deserve to know about their brother’s condition.

Magnus delicately untangles himself from the bed and Alec’s embrace and goes to the living room, quietly closing the door not to disturb his boyfriend’s sleep.

He grabs his phone and calls Dot first to let her know he won’t show up at work today. His friend definitely picks up on his concerned tone and immediately asks about Alec, but Magnus doesn’t tell her everything. Just that his boyfriend feels worse and that he should stay with him. She agrees with no hesitation and promises to forward the message to their boss.

Now comes the more difficult talk.

Magnus twirls his phone in his hand for a while, before finally letting out a long exhale and dialling the number. He’s never felt nervous talking to Isabelle, but he guesses there always has to be the first time.

“Hello my sometime soon-to-be brother in law,” Izzy greets him cheerfully and Magnus almost smiles at her tone, but he can feel himself grimacing. “What’s up?”

“Hi, Izzy.” Magnus tries for his voice to sound neutral, but Isabelle wouldn’t be herself if she hasn’t picked up on it.

“Is everything okay?” She asks instantly, now sounding more worried with every word.

“Not exactly,” Magnus admits, there’s no point in stalling. “Alexander… he met Raj at the campus yesterday. Things didn’t go well.”

“Is he okay?” She's already on her full alert mode now, Magnus can tell. 

“Not really. He’s quite shaken up and just… hurt I guess. He wasn’t very willing to talk yesterday. He was exhausted and just… I didn’t want to push.”

“Can I come over?” Izzy questions next.

“Of course.” Magnus agrees easily, he was actually kind of hoping Isabelle would offer that. “And could you… could you maybe try and pass this news to Jace… gently. I’m pretty sure how he’ll react.”

“I’ll do what I can, but no promises.” She chuckles, but it’s without any laughing note. “I’ll bring him with me if that’s okay.”

“Yeah, sure no problem,” Magnus assures her. “But just… tell him to try not to blow up in front of Alec. He’s very fragile now.” He warns lightly.

“Okay, I’ll talk to him.” Isabelle declares. “We’ll be over shortly.” She says and then they hang up.

They actually do show up pretty fast.

Magnus barely has time to prepare some breakfast and then there’s a knock on the door. Alec is still asleep and Magnus really doesn’t have the heart to wake him up. Maybe it’s even better that he’ll try to talk to his boyfriend’s siblings first, to kind of explain the situation. Well, he doesn’t know everything, but enough to know what’s going on. Quickly moving to the door, he lets his guests in.

“Alec’s still asleep,” Magnus informs as they emerge into the loft and look for their brother. “I think we should let him rest as much as he can. I can tell you all I know, but please just stay calm. Alec wouldn’t want any scenes. I’m not sure he could handle something like this now.”

“How bad is it?” Isabelle asks as they all sit down in the living room. Jace looks like he’s going to blow up any second, but tries to keep it together. His leg is bouncing nervously at his side as he waits for Magnus to say anything more about their brother’s condition.

“I… I’m not sure.” Magnus just admits. He can try to asses the damage, but he won’t get a full outlook on this situation until he talks to Alec. And some time may pass before that happens.

“But what exactly happened?” Jace questions then.

“I don’t know the whole story yet. But from what I saw, they just met on the campus, Alec didn’t want to talk, but Raj… Well, he kept pushing.” He pauses and hesitates before saying the next words. “He grabbed Alec’s wrist and left a bruise.”

“Oh my God,” Isabelle whispers and hides her face in her palms as she shakes her head disbelievingly.

“I’m going to kill him. He deserves nothing other than that. This fucking piece of shit…” Jace trails off, his face twisting into a hateful frown.

“Wait, so you were there?” Isabelle tries to catch up on all the information.

“Yeah, I came to pick Alec up, but he was late so I went looking for him. That’s when I saw them.” Magnus recalls. “I wish I found him earlier, maybe I could stop it.”

“It’s no time for what-ifs.” Jace states and shakes his head as he looks at Magnus. “It’s a good thing you were there. Who knows what could happen. But what exactly did you do when you saw them?”

“Well, I might have… Punch this bastard, repeatedly.”

The room falls silent at that.

“Are you okay?” Izzy asks and points at his split lip.

“Not my proudest moment, but I’m fine.” Magnus chuckles hollowly.

“I would have done the same thing.” Jace simply admits. “Or even worse. Probably worse.”

Magnus nods because he can totally imagine that. None of them says anything then. They all seem to need a moment to register all of the information and consider the next steps. They don’t get a lot of time to do that since soon a confused Alec emerges from the bedroom.

“What are you doing here?” He addresses his siblings as he frowns. His eyes are still red and puffy from all the crying for yesterday. He still looks pale and vulnerable.

“Magnus told us about what happened.” Isabelle starts. Alec glances at Magnus, but he can’t tell if he’s mad yet. It was too short. “How are you feeling?”

Alec shrugs lightly as he goes to sit next to Magnus.

“Did you really have to tell them?” He leans in and asks in a lower tone.

“They deserve to know, darling,” Magnus concludes and wraps his arm around him gently. Alec exhales heavily but lets it go. Clearly too tired for any further discussion.

“Can you tell us what happened?” Jace tries, much calmer than Magnus would ever suspect him off. His voice is soft and not pushy. He’s clearly concerned.

And to be honest, Magnus is anxious to find out what exactly went down too.

“He caught me off guard.” Alec starts. He brings his knees into his chest, the position making him even smaller and more vulnerable as he goes on. “Wanted to talk, I didn’t. Tried to just walk away but he… He grabbed me and…” He pauses and sighs.

“What did he want to talk about?” Izzy prompts carefully.

Alec lets out a humourless chuckle.

“How he is ‘falsely accused of a crime’ and needs my help since I’m a lawyer.” He replies then and Magnus shakes his head with disbelief. This is awful. Of course, he should have figured it out. Raj came to Alec because he wanted something.

“What an asshole.” Jace spats angrily.

“But then he started with how he still loves me and wants me to give him a second chance,” Alec says next and Magnus flinches slightly. “It was just so weird… and scary. Like he really believes that I could forgive him.” Magnus hugs him a bit tighter as Alec leans into his side, looking for comfort.

He’s glad Alec decided to just tell them all about it. He was scared for a moment that inviting his siblings over wasn’t the right move. But Alec seems comfortable enough to share this will all of them.

“He’s insane,” Jace states firmly. “He’s never going to touch you again, I’ll make sure of it this time.”

“What will you do, Jace?” Alec asks resignedly.

“Whatever it takes to make him stay away from you.” His brother declares, but Alec shakes his head.

“You can’t do anything. It’s too dangerous-“

“I’m not scared of this son of a bitch-“ Jace tries, but Alec cuts in.

“I know. But it’s too dangerous for the case. All we can do is hope he won’t press charges against Magnus. But if any of you tries something else with him… it won’t end up well for any of us. It won’t help the case and it for sure won’t help me. What’s done is done.”

“You can’t be serious.” It’s Isabelle who speaks now. “You still want to go on with the case?” She asks with shock.

“Of course I do. I have too.” Alec replies simply.

“Maybe your siblings are right, darling.” Magnus tries. “It might not be the best time for you to be around this man anymore-“

“I don’t have a choice.”

“You do.” Jace cuts in. “You can drop it.”

“No, I can’t. It’s too important. Look what is happening. We can’t let him continue doing this, hurting people.” Alec affirms.

“But Alec, you don’t have to be the person to-“ Isabelle attempts, but her brother interrupts.

“Yes, I do. You need to drop it. I’m not backing out and that’s final.” He says and gets up from the couch. “I’m tired, I’m going back to bed.”

“Alexander…” Magnus trails off, but Alec is already on his way. He sighs heavily as he looks back to his boyfriend’s siblings’ concerned expressions.

“He’s deflecting,” Isabelle states sadly. “But he’s not okay.”

“He’s going to throw himself into this case. He’ll get totally lost.” Jace agrees reluctantly as they both look after their brother when he leaves.

“There’s not much we can do,” Magnus speaks softly, trying to comfort them. “We need to support him.”

“But it might break him.” The worry slips into Izzy’s tone. “I hate to see him like this.” She admits.

“Me too, believe me.” Magnus agrees. “But he still needs time. He will talk about this more, it’s still too fresh.”

“I hope you’re right.” Jace sighs heavily. “I have to get to work now. Will you please update me?” Magnus nods easily and sends him a smile.

“Would you mind if I stayed a bit longer?” Isabelle asks him then, a bit nervously. “Maybe he’ll talk some more later. I just want to see how he’s really doing.”

“Of course you can stay, my dear.” Magnus reaches for her hand and gives it a reassuring squeeze. She offers him a small smile. “What do you say for a cup of coffee?”

After nearly an hour it becomes clear that Alec won’t come out anytime soon. Magnus makes one attempt to check on him in their bedroom but finds him asleep, which is both good and bad. He’s glad that he’s boyfriend is getting some rest, but it’s also a bit weird since he’s never been able to just sleep soundly after such traumatic events.

Back in the living room, Magnus and Izzy try to switch to some casual conversations, but it doesn’t go well. They manage to drop Alec’s subject maybe just two times, but it constantly keeps returning, which isn’t surprising. They are both worried out of their minds. Magnus can see it clearly in his boyfriend’s sister’s posture. Isabelle is usually the laid back one, always relaxed and thinking positively. Now she looks incredibly small and scared, not the young, strong, independent woman Magnus always sees in her.

A moment of silence falls between them since none of them wants to bring up any unpleasant topics, but they are hanging above them, it can be felt. And Magnus has so many questions, so he figures out that since he won’t get much out of Alexander, he may try his luck with his sister. But at the same time, he doesn’t want to bring back her hostile memories.

“Look, Isabelle,” He starts anyway and Izzy turns her attention back to him. She smiles lightly, indicating for him to go on. “I was wondering… I mean, only recently I’ve realised how little I actually know about what Alec’s been through with Raj… He told me just some general stuff. And I was hoping he would open up about it to me more now, I could see that he was ready to do that… But after yesterday…” He trails off and Isabelle nods.

“You’re not so sure about this anymore.”

“Yeah. And I understand it, but the thing is… I want to be there for him and support him. I know I won’t be able to talk him out of testifying, so the least I can do is try to make it easier for him. That’s why I wanted him to open up.” He pauses and hesitates before carrying on. “But there’s also his more selfish part of me that wants to be ready for Alec’s statement myself.”

“You don’t know what to expect.” Izzy sums up and he nods. Magnus can see that she understands what he means.

The truth is, he hates it. Hearing about Alec’s pain. And he hates that he doesn’t know his story with Raj, because he doesn’t exactly know what damage has been done. He wants to be ready when he hears it in court.

“So do you…” Magnus clears his throat when his voice comes out hoarse. “Do you know anything? I mean, you’ve been there with Alec…”

“Well, I don’t know a lot,” Isabelle admits then, her a bit defeated. “Alec never told us much, not before that night.”

Magnus nods and sends her a sympathetic smile.

“But I could tell you how this looked from my perspective if you want.” She offers then.

“You don’t have to.” Magnus shakes his head. “I don’t want you to relive that-“

“It’s fine.” She just shrugs. “I’ve never actually… I’ve never spoken about this to anybody, but some things bothered me too. The worst part is that I saw it and didn’t do anything. Just thought it would pass. And Alec kept denying…” Her voice breaks a little bit and Magnus reaches for her hand.

“You really don’t have to do this.” He repeats. “But if you want to, I’m here. Maybe we can help each other.”

She smiles at him a little and squeezes his hand back. After releasing a long exhale, she begins again.

“It was fine at the beginning.” She starts. “I mean, after this disastrous first date they had. He told you about this, right?” Izzy asks lightly and he nods. Alec mentioned that there were a few drinks too many and that Raj tried to get more from him that he wanted to give. “Yeah, so Alec blamed it on the alcohol and after a few weeks, when Raj apologised he decided to give him another chance. People make mistakes, right? That’s what we all thought. We thought that, since they explained then such mistakes won’t happen again.” She chuckles hollowly then. “Clearly we were wrong.”

“At the beginning, it was nice, really. I guess Alec was thrilled with that feeling, you know. When someone that’s not family is nice to you and begins to care about you. It was a first for him, so of course, he was excited. Me and Jace were very eager to meet Raj but turned out he wasn’t. That was the first signal that something is not right. Everyone who knows Alec is aware that family is the most important thing to him and he wants to share everything he can with us. Including meeting his boyfriend. But I guess that he was just worried about what our parents may say, they didn’t accept him back then. So we let that go too.” She explains further. “Then we found out about Max’s illness and I think that everything started slowly becoming worse. We were all so worried, we spent all the time we could with him, to take care of him. And Alec started to… He became more stressed and tense, but we assumed it had to do with Max. Turned out it was also because Raj started being aggressive towards him. I don’t know the details, but yeah, I’ve noticed some things that bothered me. Like, when Alec called that he wouldn’t be home for the night because he’s staying with Raj he never actually sounded happy to be there. I blamed it on the tiredness though. Or when we just casually spoke about how their relationship is doing and if they had talked about taking things further. Alec just shrugged and said that he’s allowed to try stuff out and that they hadn’t had sex yet, that they’re waiting. I just didn’t know that by ‘waiting’, he meant that Raj kept pressuring him into it and tried to force him to sleep with him.”

“Isabelle, this is so horrible.” Magnus states with tears pricking into his eyes as he listened to this story. He can almost imagine Alec like that, numbing all of his feelings, trying to please everyone around and forgetting about himself.

“I know.” Izzy agrees in a quieter tone. “And then there was that night…” She exhales heavily but then continues. “We were home, Jace Max and I, with our parents away at some business trip. We always took care of Max then. But Alec had been so stressed about school and everything recently, that we told him that we could handle it and for him to just relax, so he went to Raj's. I remember being in the kitchen with Max and then Jace came in and told us that Alec called and he’s going to get him. No further explanations, he just ran out of the house. I was so stressed all the time he was out but tried to hide it in front of Max, you know. He didn’t really know what was happening. I mean, he knew Alec had a boyfriend, but he’d never met him. Jace and I only did a handful of times. Anyway, when they came back, Alec went straight to his room. I turned to Jace for some explanation and he just whispered, because Max was in the room, that he thinks Raj had done something to Alec. I got on full alert mode immediately. We sent Max to go to sleep, thank God it was getting late, so we could discuss what to do. Jace told me how shaken up Alec was, that he couldn’t even answer his questions. He wanted to talk to him right away, but I decided we should check on him in the morning and then try to talk. We just popped into his room to see if he was asleep, he was so we left him be. The next morning we prepared breakfast and stuff since Alec still hadn’t left his room. Even Max became concerned too, he kept asking if Ale was okay. It took us three attempts to finally get Alec to talk. We went to his room, but he mostly just stayed quiet, didn’t want to eat. And we were… God, we just were so scared. I mean, Alec is always the one who knows what to do and we were terrified because we didn’t know how to act. We tried just gently urging him to talk and eventually, he broke down and told us everything. How Raj had been violet to him for a few months now, how he’s been pushing for them to have sex, even though Alec was clear about now wanting to yet, how he tried to force him that night before and it just became too close… It was horrible, hearing him reveal all this. But what was even worse, was realising that it was right in front of us the whole time, that we just didn’t see how much he was suffering.” Izzy’s voice breaks down and a few tears spill from her eyes.

“Isabelle,” Magnus starts gently. “this wasn’t your fault. You were all occupied with Max.”

“Yes, but,” Izzy sniffles lightly. “Alec is my brother, I should have seen how he’s changed.”

“Look, a lot of stuff was happening in Alexander’s life then that made him change. Don’t blame yourself for not noticing. He was trying to hide it not to worry you.”

“That’s what I hate about him. That he always thinks his problems are lesser and he focuses on making us feel alright. He can never be selfish and make things about himself, even though he should. He was the one hurting the most then.”

Magnus has to agree. His brother getting sick and his boyfriend turning out to be an asshole… it couldn’t be easy for Alec. He doesn’t know how he had been handling it.

“That’s why I’m so glad he has you now.” Isabelle smiles through the tears. “Because after that… He was so broken down, I thought he was never going to let love into his life again. But you made it worth the try. He always says that there’s something special about you.” She chuckles lightly and Magnus does too.

“Come here.” He says and hugs her tightly as she stops crying. “Thank you for telling me this.”

He’s glad he’s got some more outlook on his case, but it doesn’t make him hurt any less, doesn’t make this whole thing any better. There’s nothing that could.

“Iz, are you okay?” Suddenly comes Alec’s voice from the doorway. Magnus and she pull themselves away from each other as he goes to squat in front of his sister beside the couch. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah,” Izzy wipes some tears from her cheeks. “I was just telling Magnus how happy I am that you’ve got each other.”

Alec smiles softly at her and pulls her into a hug. Magnus notices that he looks a little bit better and more rested, but still not fully okay. But he smiles at Magnus as if referring to his sister’s earlier words, showing how grateful he is to have Magnus by his side.

“How are you feeling?” Isabelle asks when they pull apart. Alec shrugs slightly.

“Better.” He nods a little, still not too eager to talk. Izzy squeezes his shoulder and smiles sympathetically at him as if telling him that she’s there for him too.

“Shit, I was supposed to meet Simon today.” Isabelle suddenly reminds herself as she digs for her phone in her pocket. “I’ll just call him to cancel-”

“You don’t have to.” Alec interrupts her and shakes his head. “Go and have fun.”

“No, I don’t-“ She tries to protest, but Alec doesn’t let her.

“Iz, I’m not the best company today. There’s no reason for you to sit here. I’ll be fine with Magnus.” He states, but his sister still looks a bit hesitant. Magnus squeezes her palm one more time, promising her that he will take care of her brother.

“Go.” He tells her with a nod too. She’s spent enough time moping here and she’s been an amazing help to answer some of Magnus’ bothering questions.

“Alright, but call me if you need anything.” She says as she gets up from the couch and grabs her stuff. “Love you.” She kisses Alec on the cheek. And leans in and hugs Magnus one more time. “Thank you.” She whispers to him and he answers with a smile.

He really hopes that they managed to both help each other.

Alec sighs as he sits down besides Magnus on the couch from where he’s just walked his sister out. Magnus tries to put some pieces of information he has together. But it hurts, really. And he saw how it hurt Izzy to recall them, for Alec it’s going to be even worse.

It makes him mad that there’s nothing more he can do than to remain this silent, still and supporting presence beside him.

“You can stop worrying now,” Alec says from the other end of the couch and now Magnus realises how long he’s been silent and that Alec’s been watching him this whole time. “I’ll be fine.”

Magnus exhales heavily and shakes his head a bit. He knows that Alec will be okay, but it may take some time.

“What did you and Izzy talk about?” Alec prompts then, clearly trying to change the subject.

“Just a bit of everything.” Magnus shrugs. “She’s very worried about you.”

“I know.” Alec agrees and bites his bottom lip lightly, sounding a bit guilty.

Magnus has known Alec enough time to see that he surely is not okay. It’s in his eyes, in his posture, in this way that he tries to make himself smaller, tucking himself into the end of the couch, bringing his knees to his chest and sitting like that, silently. Not fully being able to look Magnus in the eye.

“Do you want to…” Magnus hesitates but decides to ask anyway. “Do you want to take your meds? You know we have them stashed somewhere-“

“No, Magnus. I’m not that bad.” Alec shakes his head but still doesn’t look at him. “I don’t want to get back on treatment.”

“I’m not talking about treatment.” Magnus declares and moves a little bit closer to him, but still not too close, giving him his space. “Just this once, so you could maybe settle a bit.”

“No, I’m good.”

“Alec…” Magnus trails off resignedly.

“Seriously, I can handle this,” Alec states a bit more firmly. “I just need some time.”

“If you’re sure.” Magnus lets go but is not quite happy with how his suggestion was taken.

It’s not that he wants Alec back on treatment. He remembers the first time he started on his meds. It was truly a nightmare. He was tired basically all the time, and at the beginning, it seemed as if he was even worse before they found the suitable medication. But even then, the first weeks of treatment weren’t blissful.

But if this was something that could help Alec, Magnus would agree to go through with this again without any seconds thoughts.

“Thank you.” Alec’s voice pulls him out of his thoughts and he looks back at his boyfriend a bit confused at what he means. Alec seems to pick up on that, so he explains. “For yesterday. I… Thank you for getting there, I don’t even want to think about how it could end if not you.” He reaches for Magnus’ hand and intertwines their fingers, a hint of a smile on his face.

“Of course, darling.” Magnus caresses his palm gently.

“Are you okay?” Alec asks then and Magnus barely resists the urge to roll his eyes. He’s not the one who’s just come out of an unpleasant encounter with his ex. “Your lip…” Alec points out.

“It’s nothing.” Magnus dismisses simply. “Is there anything I can do? To make you feel better? Somehow help you?” He questions then, but Alec shakes his head with a bit of a sadder smile.

“No, I don’t think so. You’re doing enough, you’re here.”

“I’ll always be.” Magnus reminds him softly and Alec’s smile is more sincere now. “So, want to do something completely dull to get your mind off things?” He proposes then and Alec chuckles lightly.

“That’s exactly what I want to do.” He replies gratefully.

They end up sprawled on the couch, putting on some mindless tv shows. In the beginning, at a reasonable distance from each other, since Magnus is still scared of startling Alec. He lets him choose what he needs, even though he still aches to have his boyfriend in his arms. But Alec seems to have the same idea, since, after a bit of time and some box of takeout, he keeps moving closer to Magnus and soon, they are tangled with each other again, with Alec providing a comforting weight on top of him, and Magnus’ heartbeat relaxing him, from where he rests his head on his chest.

Magnus gently combs his fingers through Alec’s messy hair, smiling at how relaxed his boyfriend begins to feel at his touch. They mostly keep quiet, none of them too eager to talk, just feeling at ease in each other’s arms. That’s when Alec decides to break the silence.

“It wasn’t always bad.” He says and Magnus frowns confusingly, his hand stopping his ministrations as he stills and then tries to search Alec’s eyes, but he doesn’t turn back to look at him.

“What wasn’t bad, darling?” Magnus prompts carefully. Alec lets out a long exhale before answering.

“With Raj.” He replies simply and Magnus can feel how his features form a surprised expression. “At the beginning it was nice. But not that nice as it is with you, never that nice.” Alec continues quietly. Magnus dreads basically every next word, but he doesn’t stop him. If Alec finally is willing to open up, which Magnus thought he was sure he isn’t after last night, he’s not going to stop him. He wants to know. He needs to know. “I guess I just liked the feeling of someone… being nice to me? I don’t know. I used to hate myself, you know? Because of who I was, I couldn’t really accept it. My parents didn’t help a lot. I had only Izzy, Jace and Max. I knew they loved me no matter what, but still, it was difficult to come to terms with just being the real me.”

Magnus nods and resumes at running his fingers through Alec’s hair soothingly.

“And then it just…” Alec pauses to search for some right words. “Went down the drain, I guess. Max got sick. And Raj pretended to be supportive, but I’d seen that he was actually pissed off that I started to spend less time with him. There were times when I thought that he would just end it, us. And I would have been heartbroken, but I could survive. Now I wish he would just break up with me then. But it went differently. He became possessive, and at first, I didn’t even see anything bad about this. I got that he wanted to spend more time with me, I thought that that’s the relationship process, right? To be honest, I had no idea how it was supposed to look, I had no experience. In the beginning, it was just like… he would grip me a bit too hard when I said I wanted to leave, always tried to convince me to stay. When we went out, which we rarely did, he would usually leave me alone at the bar, but when I tried to talk to someone, especially men, then he would act jealous and selfish. I hated that. But he always said that I am his, and no one even has a right to look at me and I can’t just speak to some random people at the bar, because apparently they all just want the same thing, to get me to sleep with them.”

Magnus shakes his head as he listens further and has to close his eyes against the tears that he can feel beginning to form in behind his eyelids, but he lets Alec continue.

“And he was always just so… harsh.” Alec carries on. “When we… kissed, or something. It was like he wanted to show his dominance. I didn’t feel good. I rarely felt good with him. He never asked when we were trying something new. That was one of the reasons I didn’t want to sleep with him. I just felt that it wouldn’t be good. That I would feel scared, cause he would just take control and do everything at his own pace, not caring about me at all. And when we, I mean he, tried to take things further and I refused, he would just say ‘you should open up more, Alec. Nobody’s going to want you if you don’t give any piece of you. That’s how relationships work.’ And I truly began to believe that.” Alec lets out a humourless chuckle. “And I tried, I tried so hard to be able to please him, but I just… I couldn't give him this part of me, and I hated myself for it.”

“Darling,” Magnus tries gently when Alec’s voice begins to break. He can feel the fabric of his shirt becoming wet with Alec’s tears.

“He was so done with it. With me.” Alec picks back up after a while. “And I actually tried to tell him that maybe it just isn’t working, but he wouldn’t take it. He had some twisted vision of being the one to have me, to open me up. He always pushed. When I set clear boundaries, he always tried to cross them. When I said I'm only okay with making out, for now, he would try to slide his hands beneath my shirt or unbutton my belt. When we were going to sleep he would always try to touch me… He hit me for the first time when Max got worse and I had to get home. He just wouldn’t let me go. He slapped me and I remember just hoping that there won’t be a mark when I show up home. After that, Raj actually appeared to be sorry. I hoped this would never repeat and I forgave him. But it wasn’t the last time as he promised. At this point, I was scared of him, of what he would do if I tried to leave him. So I couldn’t. I just told myself I have to somehow endure it, to please him as much as I can to avoid triggering him. But I couldn’t do that either, because he still wanted too much from me and my priority still was my family, Max. So I got hit again, and again.”

“I am so sorry, love.” Magnus can’t stop the tremor of his own voice.

“That night,” Alec starts again after a moment. “when I left him for good. It was horrible. It was just like the worst things of him came out. He kept repeating that no one other than him would want me, that I’m stuck with him, but he’s done with waiting. It felt like everything he’s ever wanted from me was sex. He said that if I really loved him like he does then I would just do it with him. And that’s when I said that I’m not sure if I love him. He went feral and… tried to force himself on me, but more aggressively than ever. It’s all a blur there, I just remember pushing him away, yelling that it’s over and getting out to call Jace to get me.”

Magnus nods because he remembers this part. Both from Alec telling him before, and from Isabelle recalling this earlier today.

“And that night, when we got back home,” Alec exhales heavily and his voice shakes. “That was the first time I cut myself. I felt like everything came crashing down on me. I thought that it was my fault I ruined my relationship, that Raj was right that I should just give something from me. I hated myself and the pain… it brought some release. I felt a tiny bit better, so I continued to do it. Every time my father would be an asshole, every time it just got too much… I’d do it.”

Silence falls between them after that. Alec is clearly finished and Magnus feels his heart breaking yet again for this man. Alec deserved nothing of this, it’s all so terrible that Magnus can’t find any words to say, none will ease up those memories.

“Darling, I am so sorry you had to go through that.” He repeats, from the lack of any other words.

“I promised I’d tell you,” Alec says and for the first time looks at him, his eyes full of tears. “I wanted to tell you because I feel like it’s been eating me up from the inside recently. Because I’ve never really told anyone about this, not in so many details at least. But I trust you the most, Magnus, and you deserve to know that. I just hope it isn’t too much-“

“No,” Magnus immediately interrupts and shakes his head. “it’s not. Thank you, for telling me. I can’t even imagine how hard it is.” He’s glad to know the whole story, but it doesn’t hurt any less. Even Isabelle’s point of view couldn’t prepare him for Alec’s whole statement. The emotions are still a mess, both in is head and in his heart. “I want to be there when you testify.” Magnus states then, summoning as much confidence as he can to his voice.

“Really?” Alec asks disbelievingly, his eyes shining.

“Yeah,” Magnus nods. “I know it will get difficult, so when it does, just look at me in this crowd, okay? I’ll be there to support you, that’s the least I can do.”

“You don’t have to-“ Alec tries, but Magnus has already made up his mind.

“I want to.” He states firmly. “You’re not alone in this, darling. I’ll be there to remind you of that.”

“I can’t believe how lucky I got.” Alec closes his eyes and speaks through another wave of tears. Magnus can’t help but let a few of his own escape, as he cradles Alec closer to him, hugging him tightly.

“I’m the lucky one, darling,” Magnus whispers and kisses the top of Alec’s head tenderly.

“Thank you,” Alec says sounding truly relieved. “I feel so much better now, to have this off my chest and to just… that you understand and you’re… still here, even though I am so messed up.”

“You’re not,” Magnus assures him instantly. “I’m sorry you have to relive that now. But just remember, that the past is in the past. And I’m never going to let anyone hurt you again.”

“I know.” Alec smiles lightly and Magnus feels the corners of his lips quirk too. “Thank you.”

Magnus is just about to reply how thankful he is to have Alec in his life, but before he can, they are both startled with a knock on the door. Glancing at each other confusingly for a while, Magnus tries to come up with who that might be.

“It’s probably Izzy or Jace, to check on me again,” Alec says with a hint of annoyance in his tone, but it still manages to sound mostly fond.

“I’ll get it.” Magnus gets up from the couch and moves to the door, but not before dropping yet another kiss onto Alec’s head.

When he opens the door he wishes it was Izzy or Jace. Instead, he’s greeted with someone he wasn’t really expecting to see.

“Father?” He asks dumbly as he stares at Asmodeus in the doorway. The man just smiles at him in greeting.

“Hello, son.” He says and basically lets himself in with Magnus too surprised to actually stop him.

“What are you doing here?” Magnus questions when he somehow shakes off his daze. “And wait a minute, how do you know where I live?”

They’ve never met at any of their apartments yet. There always was some neutral ground, not to invade too much, but seems like it’s changed now. And it’s not a bad thing if Magnus thinks about it. He’s aware that he’s let his father into his life almost fully now, that includes home visits. But the thing is, that today is really not a good time for it.

“Well, I haven’t heard from you in a while, so I thought I’d drop by to see how you’re doing,” Asmodeus replies simply. “And I know where, because I was the one who brought you when you were drunk.” He reminds him.

And shit, that’s true. It must have slipped his mind because he was too drunk to remember, but he does appreciate his father making sure he got home safely.

“So, I hope you don’t mind, but I was getting worried. I know you’re busy, but it’s been a long time since we last hanged out.” His father speaks softly.

“Look, father, it’s very lovely to see you.” Magnus begins slowly. “But today is not a good time to visit.”

“Why, is everything okay?” Asmodeus asks, but he begins to move to the living room and Magnus is pretty sure Alec’s not in the mood for any visitors, especially his father.

Well, a bit too late for that.

“Oh, hello Alexander.” Magnus can hear his father say and he follows him back into the living room. He sends Alec an apologetic and guilty expression when he joins him. And Alec hides it well, but Magnus can see that he’s a bit annoyed and not at all pleased with Asmodeus being here, specifically right now. “Am I interrupting something?” Asmodeus seems to notice this weird tension as he asks, his head snapping back from Alec to look at his son.

“No, it’s fine.” It’s Alec who speaks and forces on a smile. Magnus wants to cut in and just ask his father to go home, but before he can, Alec is already standing up from the couch and heading into the direction of their bedroom. “I’ll just…” He points at the door, giving Magnus one last look that he can’t really decipher, and leaves to the other room.

Magnus closes his eyes and exhales heavily.

“I have to admit, you’ve got a nice place here, very unique.” Asmodeus steps further into the room and assesses it as he twirls around. “So, how have you been, son?” He asks when he comes to a stop.

And Magnus is not in the mood for the small talk tonight. All he wants to do is be with Alec because he knows he needs it too.

“Father, look,” He begins again, stepping closer to said man. “I’m sorry, but I have to ask you to leave.”

“Have I done something wrong?” Asmodeus frowns.

“No, not at all.” Magnus shakes his head. “It’s just…” He can’t seem to find his way with words.

“Is Alexander okay?” He sounds genuinely concerned.

“No. I mean, yes.” Magnus quickly corrects himself and sighs heavily. “He’s just not feeling very well today and he needs some space.”

“Does it still have to do something with him being at the hospital recently?” Asmodeus inquires.

“No, that’s totally not about that. He’s just having a rough day.” Magnus states and his father eyes him precisely.

“But you two are okay?”

“Yeah, we’re great. I just… I really need to be with him today. Alone. Just us, I’m sorry.” He apologizes lightly.

“I understand.” Asmodeus puts his hand on Magnus’ shoulder reassuringly and smiles. “But whatever happens, you know you can talk to me, right?”

“Yes, I know. I promise everything is okay.” Magnus returns his smile. “But you’re right, we should meet up soon, I promise to let you know as soon as I have a moment.”

“I can’t wait,” Asmodeus replies as they begin to move towards the door. Magnus lets him out after some short goodbyes and heads to the bedroom to join Alec.

He’s only thankful for Asmodeus not showing up earlier, while he and Alec were deep into that difficult conversation because he’s pretty sure that if they stopped, Alec wouldn’t be able to continue, it was hard enough for him to find the courage.

“Hi,” Magnus says as he enters the bedroom and closes the door behind him gently, closing them into their little safety bubble again.

“Where’s your father?” Alec frowns as Magnus sits down next to him on the bed.

“I sent him home,” Magnus replies and absently reaches for his head. Alec gladly twirls their fingers together.

“Really?” Alec looks at their joined palms as he asks.

“Yeah. I’m sorry, I had no idea he would just show up like that.”

“It’s okay,” Alec answers casually. “But thank you for… you know sending him off. I don’t think I could take it today. I mean, I just don’t want a lot of people around now and I don’t really know him-“

“Darling, I know.” Magnus interrupts gently. “Hey,” He puts his palm on Alec’s cheeks and caresses the skin lightly with his thumb. “Maybe I could take a few days off and you would let some classes slide, so we could stay home together till you’ll feel better and ready to come back? How does that sound?”

“It sounds amazing.” Alec smiles at him softly. “I’d like that very much.”

“So that’s what we’re going to do.” Magnus decides simply, sending him a smile of his own. Looking into those beautiful eyes he loves so much, still seeing them red from the tears, but he knows that they’re going to be okay soon. They have each other, what else do they need.

“Magnus,” Alec stares back into his eyes.

“Hm?”

“Kiss me,” Alec whispers as his eyes drop to his mouth. He bites his lip as if not beings sure if Magnus is going to grand such a request.

Magnus moves closer to him, still gently cradling his face, allowing himself on more look into these gorgeous, hazel eyes, before connecting their lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Let me know all of your thoughts and theories in the comments!  
We all just hate Asmodeus, don't we? ;) Are you proud of Alec for sharing his traumatic past with Magnus? I also threw there this little talk with Izzy, because I wanted to add the perspective of someone from the outside to show how it all looked for her, someone who cares for Alec so much. Thanks for patiently waiting for an update, I'm really trying to get some more writing done recently, so I hope to see you very soon :) Next chapter: the trial finally starts... is everyone ready?


	21. The Trial

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The trial begins and Alec has to face his memories yet again. Not everything goes how they expected it would...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!  
So here I am, finally, with a new chapter. A bit more action as the trial starts, but not everything will go so smoothly... WARNINGS: talks about abusive relationships and attempted sexual assault.  
I'd just want to remind you, that I'm not a lawyer and the way this case goes is probably very inadequate. All the research came from the internet, but I still hope it will be enjoyable.   
For this chapter, I also had to come up with surnames for Josh and Raj, which was perhaps the most difficult part 😂
> 
> I hope you all are staying safe and taking care of yourselves :)
> 
> Enjoy the read!

Alec is pacing. His palms become sweaty and the time seems to elongate mercilessly.

Only a few minutes left till they’re going to enter the courtroom and this whole mess will begin.

He’s spent the last few days preparing his statement with Maryse and going over the possible questions with both her and Josh, but it doesn’t put him at ease. Nothing really could. He’s fucking nervous.

Magnus has been doing everything he could to relax him a bit for the last few days. The incident with Raj didn’t help to soothe his nerves and deep down he can feel that he still hasn’t fully recovered from that. He pushes these thoughts as far away as he can now. But the fact that he’s going to see Raj again in a few minutes isn’t helping.

And the fact that Magnus still isn’t there doesn’t help too.

Alec can’t even express how grateful he felt when Magnus offered to be there at the trail to support him. He was silently praying Magnus would want that, because he may act all tough, but the truth is that Alec is scared, and Magnus’ presence always helps.

He’s not okay. Alec knows that it’s way too soon for everything to heal from his last encounter with Raj. He knows that he’ll be barely able to look at this man today, the bruise on his wrist still a reminder of that night. Alec tugs at his sleeve to hide it, even though the rest knows about it, and they were as reluctant as Magnus to let him come here today. He’s not pleased to be here either, but life doesn’t always go the way we’d want it to. He can’t miss the occasion to get Raj what he deserves, no matter how much he’s shaking right now.

_Just breathe_, he repeats to himself in his mind like a mantra. _In and out_.

He surprised himself that night when he opened up to Magnus and told him everything about him and Raj. But it felt so much better to finally tell someone about this, especially someone he trusts that much. He knew Magnus would listen and let him get it all out. There was still this stupid part of Alec’s mind that thought that Magnus would think he’s too much, but every time this thought appears there, Magnus only proves how wrong it is.

So, things aren’t perfect, but they are getting better. Some days Alec wishes for nothing more than to just close this case, although it’s just the beginning, stop reliving his worst memories and move on, with Raj finally in jail.

But it will take time, he knows it.

“We have to get inside.” Maryse gently puts her palm on Alec’s shoulder. “I’m sure he’s going to arrive any minute now.” She adds when she notices how hard Alec is staring into the crowd looking for his boyfriend.

“Go, I’ll be there in a moment.” His eyes don’t leave the entrance as he answers his mom. Maryse squeezes his shoulder and moves to the courtroom along with Josh, leaving Alec to have one more moment for himself.

He can feel a little bit of tension leaving his body when he finally spots Magnus rushing towards him.

“Hi,” He greets him with a quick kiss to his lips. “sorry, Raphael needed something at work, but I’m here now. How are you feeling?” Magnus asks as he runs his hands up and down Alec’s arms soothingly.

“Nervous,” Alec admits as he looks into the room, where more and more people begin to gather up. He bites his lip anxiously.

“Hey, just look at me when it gets too much, remember?” Magnus cups his face and makes him looks back at him. “I’ll be right there, darling.” He assures with a smile and Alec lets out another shuttering exhale, but nods at the end.

“We should get in now.” He states and Magnus takes his hand as they enter the room, but soon they have to part ways, Alec joining Josh and his mom, with Magnus taking a place in the audience.

His boyfriend squeezes his hand reassuringly one more time, sends him an encouraging smile, and when the distance becomes too much they’re forced to let go of each other’s hands.

It’s time to get on with it.

Alec sits down next to his mom, offering her what he hopes to be a comforting smile, which she returns. He purposely doesn’t look to his right, where Raj’s team is setting up, trying to focus on literally anything else.

“You ready?” He asks Josh to distract them both while he spots him looking into Raj’s direction.

“I have to be.” He replies with an exhale. “He didn’t know, right?”

“What?” Alec throws him a confused gaze.

“Raj didn’t know about you being on this case and testifying?” Josh clarifies. “He looks surprised to see you here.”

Well, Alec didn’t have time to ponder on that, but he supposes Raj wasn’t aware of that fact since he came to ask him for help about this case. Maryse’s name figures at every legal document he might have received, so the chances were low anyway.

“I guess he didn’t,” Alec answers simply. “I had no obligation to tell him.”

“Of course not.” Josh agrees, still sounding incredibly stressed. “We’re gonna handle this, right?”

“We will.” Alec tries to assure, but his voice doesn’t come out as confident as he’d like to. He dares a glance to his right, but when he finds Raj staring at him, he quickly turns away. It’s too much.

“All rise,” The voice sounds and everyone stands up as the judge approaches. “Department U.S. District Court is now in session. Judge Joseph Miller presiding. Please be seated.”

“Good morning, ladies and gentlemen.” The judge begins. “Calling the case of Joshua Allen versus Raj Patel. Are both sides ready?”

Alec tries to focus on his breathing and he can’t seem to pay attention to what’s actually happening around him as all of the beginning’s formalities are presented. Maryse does all the talking anyway. Alec wishes he could be more useful, but he promises himself that he will be at the next hearings, where he won’t have to testify.

Josh is the first to tell his side of the story and Alec has to admit that he does a very good job, just like they practised. The defender, of course, asks many uncomfortable questions, but Josh handles all really well. There are tears and Alec really hates to be listening to this story again, but his mind is also kind of fuzzed with the fact that he’s the one to approach the court the next, and before he knows it, his name is being called.

With one last heavy exhale and a reassuring smile from his mom, he gets up and takes his rightful place, taking the oath to tell only the truth and praying for his heart to stop hammering in his chest.

He feels like he’s doing it for the hundredth time because of all of the recreations of hearings in his class, but this is way more serious. So many people from the jury are staring at him, but he tries to cut it way. Only searching the one face that matters to him.

When his eyes settle on Magnus, his boyfriend gives him an encouraging smile and a nod. _You’ve got this, darling_, he mouths at him.

The judge asks all the general questions and Alec tries to relax as much as he can. He’s got this. He has to. For himself and the better good. This bastard needs to get what he deserves.

“What is your relation to the defendant?”

“We were in a relationship together two years ago,” Alec answers calmly.

“Mrs Lightwood, the witness is yours.” The judge informs and Maryse stands up to start the questioning. It feels even weirder now that his mom is the one to examine him.

He would really prefer to be in her place now.

“Can you tell us about the nature of your relationship with the defendant?” Comes the first question.

Alec glances to Raj’s side and he can’t help, but feel a wave of anger. This man has hurt people and he’s still freely walking the earth. Alec can feel some satisfaction at seeing him here, actually appearing to be stressed. Good, he should be.

“We had been dating for a few months when we started college.”

“Could you describe it a bit?”

“It wasn’t good.” Alec begins, taking an exhale to compose himself. “It was fine at the start, but then… Raj started becoming possessive and aggressive. He didn’t seem to understand that I also had a life outside of our relationship, wanted me all to himself, got violent every time I had to go, hit me when I didn’t want to stay. Tried to force me to have sex with him more time than I can count. It never got to this point where it got with Josh, but… there were hard times, where I was actually scared he would… force himself on me.” He states, his voice sounding weaker with every word.

“Why didn’t you leave him?” Maryse’s voice almost breaks too. Alec sees that it’s hard for her to listen to it too, even though she’s already heard what he has to say.

Alec searches Magnus’ face yet again. It gives him the strength to keep going.

“I was terrified of what he may do if I tried.” He admits honestly. “I wasn’t in the best place mentally back then and didn’t want to… risk getting hurt more. Both mentally and physically.”

“So would you consider the defendant capable of committing such a crime as Mr Allen is accusing him of?”

Alec spares one more look to Raj before answering.

“Definitely.”

“No further questions, Your Honour,” Maryse says and goes back to her seat.

“Does the defence have any questions?” The judge directs the question to Raj’s table and a man who’s representing him stands up.

“Yes, Your Honour.” The man moves closer to the middle of the room. “Mr Lightwood, you said that it’s been some time since you and my client ended your relationship. So, isn’t your memory maybe a bit fuzzy?”

“I think I remember some of my worst memories, believe me, I’d like to forget sometimes,” Alec replies as calmly as he can. He hates the tone that this man is using, trying to undermine his every word, already presuming Alec is lying.

“Aright,” The defender pretends to nod thoughtfully. “miscommunication is a common issue in a lot of relationships, we all know that. So maybe my client wasn’t pushing you. Maybe you just weren’t clear about not wanting to proceed in certain areas of your relationship?”

Alec’s getting more worked up with every word this man is saying. All of the fear he’s been feeling seems to vaporize, replace by pure anger and disbelief.

“No means no.” He states firmly. “I was begging him to stop and asked him not to touch me more times than I could count. I tried to set up boundaries, it’s him who always crossed them.”

“You mentioned that you weren’t in a great place mentally back then.” The defender doesn’t seem put off by Alec’s answer, just carrying on as if everything he’s saying wasn’t bullshit. “Why was that?”

“I was in an abusive relationship, of course, I wasn’t okay.”

“That’s the whole reason?”

Alec shifts uncomfortably in the chair and hesitates before answering.

“My brother got sick. It was hard for the whole family.” He replies eventually.

“I can only imagine.” The defender’s tone is probably supposed to be sympathetic, but Alec can hear the falseness in there. “Mr Lightwood, do you have a history of mental illness?”

“What?” Alec frowns at the question.

“You suffer from depression and generalised anxiety disorder, is that correct?”

“How do you know that?” Alec feels himself become even tenser. His eyes search his mom, and even if Maryse appears to be calm, he can spot the alarm on her features, she clearly didn’t see it coming too and they have no idea where it leads.

“Just answer the question.” The defender pushes.

“I mean, yes. It’s true, but I don’t see any connection to the case with that.” Alec says truthfully.

“When were you diagnosed?”

“Objection.” Maryse decides to put an end to this farse or at least tries to. “This really has nothing to do with the case.” She tells the judge.

“Where is it leading, Mr Henderson?” The judge asks the defender.

“Please allow me to ask a few more questions and I’ll point out the connection, Your Honour.” The man declares.

“I’ll allow it.” The judge decides and Alec can almost see Maryse’s troubled expression.

“So, Mr Lightwood?” The defender reminds him of his earlier question.

“I was diagnosed after the relationship ended, so there’s really no point to that,” Alec replies eventually.

“But the symptoms of the disorder could appear earlier than that, right?”

“Yeah, the relationship is most likely one of the reasons which caused it to appear in the first place,” Alec affirms then. It feels like this man is digging his own grave with these questions, but Alec can’t help this nagging feeling in his stomach every time the defender asks yet another one.

“So maybe the illness made you exaggerate a bit about my client's actions? Maybe the behaviour you described wasn’t as severe as you say?” The man suggests.

“Anxiety and depression don’t make you see things that aren’t there. They don’t make you crazy.” Alec deflects angrily.

“I never said they do.” Mr Henderson declares innocently. “But they make you overthink things, don’t they? Maybe you kept fixating on your boyfriend’s actions, making them bigger than they are?”

“No, I wasn’t.” Alec denies firmly.

“Are you currently on any medication, Mr Lightwood?” The defender asks next.

“No, I haven’t been for more than half of a year.” He replies truthfully.

“And you weren’t during your relationship with my client too?”

“No, I wasn’t.”

The defender exhales, seeming to ponder at Alec’s words, nodding slightly to himself. It’s all done so for the show that Alec can barely stop himself from rolling his eyes.

“Your Honour,” The man starts after a while. “Mr Lightwood clearly was showing signs of illness during his relationship with my client, which reminded untreated until much later on. In my opinion, the events he describes may not be truthful. He admits to suffering from said earlier disorders, but is also not on medication now, so how can we be sure he’s saying the truth? What if this is an episode of his illness?”

This is ridiculous. Alec nearly laughs at his words. He begins to shake his head disbelievingly. There’s no way the judge can be fooled by this insane statement.

“I request for removing Mr Lightwood’s statement from the case and not including it into further hearings until we can be sure that he doesn’t show signs of his illness when he passes the psychological evaluation.”

Silence falls in the courtroom as everyone’s waiting for the judge’s decision. Alec can’t believe the insanity of this situation. There are no grounds for him to be evaluated. But what bothers him more, is how Raj’s team found out about his mental illness. It for sure wasn’t done by legal means, and he’s going to point that out.

“I support the request.” The judge announces and Alec feels his stomach drop.

“What?” He questions out loud, without really meaning too. The whole room seems to revive at the decision, some murmurs going through the crowd. “I mean, Your Honour, there are no grounds for this. It’s-, it’s another form of trying to present mentally ill people as crazy and we are not, this isn’t right.” He states seriously.

“Mr Lightwood, I am sorry, but until we are sure, I can’t allow it. These are new circumstances we aware of, when you were stated as a witness. If you really are in the right state of mind, you’ll pass the evaluation and prove yourself. Everyone will be calmed by that.”

“But I-“ Alec tries, but the judge swiftly continues.

“I now close this hearing and determine the date of the next Tuesday for another session. I also schedule Mr Lightwood’s medical evaluation for this Friday so the results can be presented during the next meeting. The jury is thanked and excused. The court is adjourned.”

With a hit of a gavel, the judge ends the session. Alec feels frozen in place, because what the hell has just happened.

He’s been through ridiculous cases during his classes, but this tops everything. He knows there is injustice in this world, but he had no idea it could increase to this level. The way people like him are discriminated with no solid proof is truly scary and terrible. This case isn't about his illness, has nothing to with it. He’s done nothing to deserve it. He’s been telling the truth the whole time and because of such thing, he has no control over he’s being dismissed.

All the fear and stress are forgotten, now Alec sees red. It’s all anger, because fuck, this is so unfair, too unfair.

No, it’s not anger. It’s pure fury.

“What the hell just happened?” He's not sure at who he’s directing this question as he approaches his mom and Josh. He’s just blinded by the rage.

“They’re trying to buy themselves some time.” Maryse states with a thoughtful expression, her eyes are sharp and she probably tries to think of their next move already. “They know that your statement is basically all we have so they’re trying to remove it.”

“How do they know about that anyway? There’s no way that they got this information legally. Why the hell didn’t the judge point that out? It’s not like I’m flaunting up with being mentally ill.” Alec can’t keep the sarcasm out of his tone.

“I know, son.” Maryse agrees calmly. Alec looks to his left to see Magnus approaching them as the rest of the crowd leaves the room. He comes up to them and immediately falls into place next to Alec. “We’ll figure it out. There’s no way they’re getting away with that.”

“They’re trying to make me crazy. I’m not crazy.” Alec says sternly and can feel Magnus’ hand resting gently on the small of his back, a soothing touch.

“Of course you’re not, darling,” Magnus reassures immediately and Alec sighs heavily. “They’re going to pay for that.”

“I just don’t understand,” Alec admits then. He keeps going over it in his head, but nothing makes sense. “They’re basically digging their own grave. I’m going to pass this evaluation, so they will be the fools.”

“They need more time to figure it out, that’s the fact.” Maryse states. “They don’t know how to act so they’re grasping at straws. It’s going to fall apart soon, don’t worry, we’re still at the winning position.”

Alec nods lightly. It’s true, they may not have evidence, but the other side doesn’t either. It’s words against words and that’s the worst because they can be very convincing. All they can do is hope that the truth will win, as it should.

“Let’s go home.” Magnus proposes then. “You’ve had enough emotions for one day, darling.”

Alec doesn’t have the strength to deny. He feels emotionally drained, first from the stress, now from the anger. It’s not a good mix. He needs some time to process this information, but he knows it won’t make it any less unfair. This is absurd and disrespectful and… Alec can’t even find the words to name it.

He nods and lets Magnus guide him out of the room.

“I just-,” Alec cuts of and basically growls in frustration, putting the glass of water on the kitchen counter with way too much force than needed, nearly breaking it into pieces. “this is so unfair. I hate it.”

“I know, love.” Magnus tries soothingly, but of course, Alec’s too worked up now. He knows he hasn’t been able to shut up about it since they left the courthouse, but he can’t help it. This situation is just too frustrating.

This is why he wants to be a lawyer, to protect people like himself, not letting anyone be disrespected or undermined by something they have no control over. He didn’t choose to be sick, it’s not his fault and no one has a right to play that against him. He’s going to show this Henderson that he’s messed with the wrong guy when it comes to justice.

“I’m sorry, I know I keep on going off about it. You must be so done with me…” Alec leans back onto the counter and sighs, feeling a bit of anger leaving his body. He’s not mad at Magnus and he shouldn’t be taking it out on him like that. This isn’t fair.

“It’s okay.” Magnus just shakes his head and comes closer, his palms running up and down Alec’s arms in the same soothing way they did in the court earlier. “I know that it’s difficult now, but you’re going to handle it.”

“I know I will,” Alec admits, his tone now a bit calmer. “I just hate that I was put into this situation. I hate the picture that his defence is trying to paint. It’s all full of bullshit.”

“You’re right, it is,” Magnus admits. “That’s why you need to show them where their place is.”

“Oh, I will,” Alec states with new determination in his voice. Magnus smiles at that and chuckles lightly under his breath, his hand wandering to cup the side of Alec’s face.

“My brave lawyer,” He caresses his cheek gently. “You were amazing out there.”

“I just spoke.” Alec shrugs. “And I was so nervous.”

“You sounded sure and calm, don’t worry,” Magnus assures him. “I’m proud of you.”

Alec smiles and leans into his touch.

“Thank you,” He says then. “for being there. It really helped.”

“I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.” Magnus retorts with yet another smile. His eyes drop to Alec’s lips and they both seem to have the same idea since they lean in and connect their mouths into a kiss.

Magnus’ hands slide to his hips and he wraps them around him, bringing them closer. Alec hooks his arms around his boyfriend’s neck and presses them flush together, their lips still connected, just like their bodies now.

Alec gasps lightly as Magnus bites at his bottom lip delicately, letting him slide his tongue into his mouth. Then he feels agile fingers pulling his shirt from his pants, warm hands sliding underneath to rest on his lower back.

Their kisses turn deeper now, slower and more sensual. Alec’s aware that it’s been a while since they were intimate, but life really gets in the way something. And it’s not like Alec didn’t miss it, he just hasn’t thought about it recently. Didn’t have time to think about it.

There’s also the fact that his abusive ex violated his space again and literally left a mark of his presence on Alec’s body. He tries not to think about it, has been trying basically since that night, focused on literally anything else. He can’t let himself be afraid of a simple touch again, he’s come a too long way to let it all crumble down now.

And besides, it’s Magnus. Magnus is always gentle, he would never hurt him or do anything he may not like. And he’s been so supportive through this whole thing that Alec couldn’t be more thankful for him now. And so patient, never once pushing or making Alec ditch his work, although he might have neglected his boyfriend for a while now.

So, he can do this. It’s Magnus, his boyfriend, basically the love of his life. He can do this, right?

Except he can’t.

He tries to return the kisses as eagerly as he can, but it doesn’t feel right. Tries to force his way out of all of the unpleasant memories, stay in the moment, get lost in it, but he can’t and he hates it.

Magnus presses closer to him and Alec begins to feel trapped between the kitchen counter and his boyfriend and some obnoxious feeling raises in his stomach.

“I can’t,” Alec breaks the kiss rapidly and takes a large gulp of air into his lungs, only now realising how hard it is for him to breathe. He doesn’t have a way to escape, and he knows he doesn’t really want to, so he leans back a bit and rests his palms on the counter, trying to control his breathing. “Fuck, Magnus, I’m sorry.“

It doesn’t take even two seconds for Magnus to react, he steps back a bit, still keeping close, but breaking the constant contact his Alec’s body. His expression is a bit alarmed, mostly worried, but he lets Alec have his space, no matter how much Alec can see that all he wants to do is take him into his arms. It’s the same expression he wore that night this happened. Alec nearly sobs and has to look away.

“Have I done something-“ Magnus tries to question, but Alec instantly shakes his head.

“No,” He says after he feels that he can breathe better. “no. It’s not you. It’s me, I’m sorry, Magnus-“

“Hey, it’s okay,” Magnus assures instantly and Alec can basically feel the tears threatening to spill from his eyes. “Sweetheart, I mean it. It’s fine.”

Alec shakes his head lightly letting out an uneven breath. Why can’t he just do this simple thing? After everything Magnus has done for him, he’s not able to give him anything in return. Why doesn’t his body want to cooperate?

“Alexander, can you look at me?” Magnus asks softly and Alec doesn’t have the heart to refuse. He looks up to see his boyfriend smiling at him sympathetically. “Can I touch you?” 

Alec nods and Magnus steps closer again, but not too close, not crowding him. He reaches out and rests his palm against Alec’s face again tenderly.

“I never want you to feel forced to do anything you wouldn’t like,” Magnus speaks as if reading his mind. “Okay? I won’t mind.”

“You’re just…” Alec starts and sighs. “You’re doing so much for me…”

“And I don’t want anything in return. Ever.” Magnus’ voice sounds more firm, but still soft. “You would do the same if I was in your situation. You don’t owe me anything, I don’t need anything in return. Especially something you’re not comfortable with, okay?”

Alec nods and releases another heavy breath. It’s just… his head is such a mess recently. He’s trying to please everyone around him and forgetting about himself again. Old habits die hard.

Of course, Magnus is not Raj, would never be and will never be. Even comparing them is insane to Alec, there’s no comparison. Magnus would never demand anything from him the way Raj did. He wanted something for even the simplest things, while Magnus… Magnus has done more for him than any person in this world and he did it all selflessly, from heart, not expecting any payment.

Because he loves Alec.

A fact that Alec seems to forget. Maybe it’s because of the anxiety and the talks with Magnus’ father? Either way, he feels terribly guilty for doubting Magnus’ love for him, even for a moment. He has to stop listening to the people around him and start to listen to his heart again.

“I love you,” Alec blurts out, with no other words to say. Because that’s the truth, and because Magnus should hear it.

His boyfriend replies with a soft smile, these lovely crinkles appearing around his eyes.

“I love you too, darling.” He says and Alec closes the remaining space between them, hugging him tightly and burying his head into his neck, feeling Magnus pressing a sweet kiss to the side of his head. “Are you sure you’re okay, love?”

“Yeah, I’m… I’m fine. I just feel… weird, I don’t know how to explain it.” Alec retorts and tightens his arms around Magnus a bit.

“Weird how?” His boyfriend asks.

“With everything happening… it’s just so much and I’m scared I might break. Especially with what happened between me and Raj recently.” Alec confesses. “I need to slow down, but I really can’t now. Especially not with those bastards calling me out on reportedly being crazy today.”

“Darling, if you need to slow down then you should.” Magnus pulls back lightly to watch his face. “The evaluation is scheduled for Friday, so all you should do before that is relax-“

“Yeah, but there’s also school, the internship… I can’t just drop everything.” He states weakly.

“No one said anything about dropping it. It’s just a short break.” Magnus shrugs. “Your health is more important, right? We talked about this.”

“I know.” Alec agrees because they did. “I just want this case to be over, but I know it might take a while.”

“Do you regret taking it on?” Magnus tills his head and questions lightly.

“No,” Alec shakes his head. “I know I have to do this. Seeing Raj going to jail will be my reward. I just need to get through this.”

“You will,” Magnus assures again.” We will.” He corrects himself and Alec smiles.

Yeah, they will.

Alec listens as Maryse walks them through yet one more strategy they might have to take on if his testimony will continue to stay off-limits.

He listens, more and more annoyed with every second.

“I just don’t understand why we have to even go through this.” He says when his mother finally finishes. “I’m going to pass the evaluation and then they’ll have to include my statement. There’s no need for other options.”

“Son, it’s just for precaution,” Maryse replies calmly.

“Yeah, but we have more important things to discuss.” Alec points out. “We have other witnesses who we should make sure are ready.”

“You know Lydia is taking care of that.” His mother reminds him.

“Then maybe we should help her?” He proposes.

“She’s handling it well.” Maryse shrugs as she looks over some documents that they have laid on the table which he, Maryse and Josh are gathered up around. They all settled in Maryse’s apartment for tonight’s meeting. “Besides, I don’t want to put more on you.”

“But I-,” Alec starts, but then cuts himself off, a realisation coming to him like a cold shower. “You’ve been talking to Magnus, right?”

“He’s worried about you, son.” She finally looks up from the papers, her eyes sharp. “And he has a right to be. You should let loose a bit and apparently you told him that yourself. So don’t come here and try to act all tough.” She retorts. “Just focus on that evaluation for now.”

“You guys don’t really think I could not pass?” He questions then and looks around at his mom and Josh. The man drops his gaze and Maryse avoids his eyes too. “Seriously?!” He asks, offended.

“You’ve been through a lot,” Maryse says then. “Especially with Raj recently jumping at you-“

“Yeah, but I’m fine,” Alec states, but unconsciously tugs at his sleeve to cover up the bruise there which of course catches both Josh’s and Maryse’s attention. He sighs and rolls his eyes. “Thanks for the vote of confidence.”

“You know it’s not like that-“ Maryse tries.

“Like what? If I say I can handle it then I can really handle it.” He affirms firmly. “We should focus on how exactly did they get the information of me being sick in the first place. And you two need to stop being worried over this evaluation because it’s going to be okay.”

“I’m already on it. I have a few leads.” Maryse informs and Alec glances at her taken aback.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” He accuses, but his mom waves a dismissive hand.

“It’s nothing sure yet. And I didn’t want to put too much on you.” She replies.

“Mom, you need to stop treating me as your son, and start treating me more as a lawyer.” He retorts.

“Well, I can’t. You think it’s easy for me? You’re my son and of course, I will be worried. I’m trying to protect you.”

“I don’t need to be protected from this, mom.” Alec pleads lightly. “I want to be on this case fully.”

“And you are.” She assures him. “But right now, what’s important for you, is the evaluation. Leave the rest to us.”

Alec rolls his eyes again but lets it go. It’s hard enough to reason with his mom, especially when she’s in her lawyer mode.

They sit in silence for a little while until Maryse’s phone buzzes from somewhere beneath all of the papers. She manages to dig it out and smiles as she sees the caller. Alec leans in to steal a glance at it and spots Luke’s name.

“I have to get this,” Maryse informs and gets up from the table. Alec sends her a teasing gaze and watches as she blushes, before leaving the room to carry out the conversation. He smiles lightly and shakes his head amusingly. His mom always becomes so shy when it comes to her relationship with Luke. As if all of them didn’t support it fully.

“Is it something about the case?” Josh asks, probably noticing Alec’s smile.

“Oh, no. It’s a bit more of a private matter.” He states with another teasing smile. “It’s her boyfriend.” He lowers his voice as if for Maryse not to hear. Josh takes in the information with a smile on his own and nods his head. “How are you doing?” Alec prompts then.

Josh has been incredibly quiet today, only speaking when he was asked too. Usually, he’s got lots of questions, makes sure that he understands everything, but today, he seems a bit more distracted. Which is of course understandable. The trial has begun, it’s beginning to put a strain on all of them.

“I’m good,” Josh answers with a nod.

“You’re sure?” Alec inquires gently. “I mean, you were great in the court. That was really brave.”

“Thanks,” Josh replies gratefully. “Same to you.”

“Yeah, it went well,” Alec admits. “Until they began to call me crazy…”

“Yeah…” Josh trails of, his smile fading.

“Look, Josh,” Alec begins and waits till the other man’s gaze focuses on him. “I’m sorry if it feels like we’re making this about me now. I know this is so unfair because you are so brave to decide to share all of it and now it’s all getting pushed into the background because we have to deal with my evaluation-“

“You think you’re stealing my spotlight?” Josh questions teasingly and they both laugh lightly. “Alec, don’t worry about it. Seriously, this is as much about me as it is about you. He’s hurt us both.”

“I know, I just-“

“I have a question, though.” Josh interrupts and Alec nods to indicate for him to go on. “How are you doing this?”

“Doing what?” Alec frowns.

“This, everything.” Josh’s words don’t bring Alec any clarification. “You’ve just had a run-up with Raj, you testified against him, his defence is trying to bring your mental illness against you… And there you are, still ready for more and just… How are you being so strong?”

Alec smiles lightly, but there’s something sad about it, he can feel it. The truth is, that he doesn’t have an answer for that, and yes, he is trying to play tougher than he actually is, which Maryse has seen through. But it’s not like it’s easy for him.

“I don’t know,” Alec admits and Josh nearly snorts.

“Very helpful.” He says, but with no actual heat.

“But really,” Alec starts then. “I don’t have a precise answer for you. I just try to… take it one day at a time? I don’t know. I have a lot of great support around me. That helps. That’s actually the most important. I would have crumbled down already if it wasn’t for the amazing, supportive people around me.”

“Like your boyfriend?” Josh asks lightly and Alec nods. “I saw him at the hearing.”

“Yeah, he wanted to be there for me,” Alec admits with a smile. He feels like he’s blushing, but he can’t help it.

“He seems to be great.” Josh states then. “I guess you’re kind of giving me hope.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, when I saw you together…” Josh seems to hesitate for a bit. “I mean, you look like you care about each other a lot. And the fact that he wanted to be there to support you… After Raj, I thought that I would never find love, I didn’t think I could trust anybody. But if you, a person with similar experiences, can find someone as loving and caring as your boyfriend… Then maybe there is someone like this somewhere out there waiting for me too? Maybe someday I will be able to trust and open up? You showed me that it’s possible.”

“I felt the same.” Alec sends him a small smile. “After Raj, I didn’t think I could be capable of trust and love. I wasn’t even looking for it. But when Magnus showed up… I guess when you know, you know. And from the first moment, I just felt that he’s going to be someone special. I took a risk and I’ve never been so happy I did. Because with him… everything just seems easier and better.”

“He sounds like an amazing guy.” Josh smiles a little.

“He is.” Alec agrees. “I hope you’ll find someone like him one day, really. I hope everybody will. This time will come, probably in the least expected moment.” He laughs lightly, recalling his and Magnus’ first meeting.

“I hope so too,” Josh admits with a sigh. “But I think it’s still too soon for me.”

“When you know, you know.” Alec just repeats and the other man nods. Just then, Maryse re-enters the room.

“Okay, so I think we have everything covered.” She announces. “Does anyone have any questions?”

Before some doubts can be raised, there’s a doorbell sounding around the apartment and with a bit of surprised expression, Maryse holds out a hand for them, asking them to wait and moves to the hallway to answer the door.

“Oh, what a lovely surprised!” Alec can hear his mom’s cheerful voice when she greets the guest. “Come in.” She invites and walks back to the living room, with Magnus in tow.

Alec’s face immediately falls into an easy smile at just seeing his boyfriend, Magnus effortlessly returning the expression.

“I just thought I could check in on the busy legal team.” Magnus states. “Everything alright?” He asks as he takes a few steps to get to Alec and leans in to kiss him on the cheek. “Hi, darling.”

“Hi,” Alec replies softly as Magnus rests his palms on his shoulders.

“I think we’re done for today.” Maryse retorts then. “So you’re just at the right time.”

“Yeah? That’s great, I can take you home, love.” Magnus states and Alec nods lightly, then he catches Josh’s eyes, who smiles at them softly.

“Magnus, this is Josh. I don’t think you’ve got the chance to meet properly.” He introduces then.

“Hi,” Magnus pulls out his hand to greet the man and they share a handshake. “yeah, I remember you from the courthouse, but we were in a bit of a rush then. Sorry, I didn’t get to introduce myself properly, I’m Magnus.”

“No worries,” Josh retorts simply. “Josh.”

“Do you need a ride? We can drop you off somewhere.” Magnus offers the man then. Alec feels a little bit of tension escaping his body. He’s never really thought about them meeting and when it comes to it now, he realises that Magnus knows Josh just as one side of the conflict with Raj and as the man who tried to ask Alec out. But if some part of Alec was worried about how Magnus would refer to Josh, now it’s all gone.

“No, it’s fine. I live nearby actually. I mean, my friend does, but I’m staying with her now.” Josh declines kindly.

“Are you sure? It’s not a problem.” Magnus inquires lightly.

“Yeah, really,” Alec adds and sends him a smile.

“I’m good. But thanks, I appreciate it.” Josh answers and mirrors the smile.

“Alright then, ready to leave, darling?” Magnus asks and offers his hand to pull Alec up from the chair which he gladly accepts.

“Bye mom,” Alec kisses Maryse on the cheek when they reach here.

“It was lovely to see you, Maryse, as always,” Magnus says as he hugs the woman. “How’s Luke doing?”

“He’s good,” Maryse answers with that shy smile. “You should come over for dinner soon, we could invite the rest of the family too. Maybe your father would join in?”

Alec tenses slightly at the mention of Asmodeus and Magnus seems to feel that since he squeezes his hand a bit tighter.

“Yeah, maybe. We’ll see.” He replies, his smile not fading. “We’ll see you soon. It was nice to meet you, Josh.” He gives the man one last look and they leave through the door after both saying their goodbyes.

As they get to the car and set off for the road, Alec takes Magnus’ hand in his, lacing and unlacing their fingers a few times, before speaking.

“Thank you for being nice to Josh.” He says and Magnus smiles a little, his eyes still settled on the road.

“Yeah, he’s a nice guy when he isn’t trying to ask you out.” He states teasingly and Alec chuckles under his breath.

“Yeah, he is.” He agrees. “He told me today that we’re giving him hope.”

“How so?”

“That if I managed to find someone so amazing after such traumatic experiences, then there’s also a chance for him,” Alec explains and feels Magnus squeeze his hand.

“What a power couple we are.” He retorts and Alec laughs again. “I do hope he will, though. Find someone as great as me one day.” He teases furthermore and Alec’s smile doesn’t fade.

Everyone deserves their own, personal Magnus. Alec’s found his and he’s not planning on sharing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Do you think Alec really is as fine as he says he is? And how does a perspective of a family dinner with Asmodeus sounds to you? I know you all just adore him ;) Let me know all your thoughts in the comments!  
In the meantime, if you're looking for some fic recommendations, I made my version of this amazing Fic Rec Bingo! It was really fun and a good way to show some appreciation for our favourite works and authors. You can find mine [here](https://twitter.com/littlefandom4/status/1247270540273954816) on my twitter :)  
I hope to see you very soon with a new chapter, stay safe and take care! :)


	22. The Memory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A family dinner, a few words too much and yet another secret.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!  
I hope the chapter will be worth the wait for you, it's quite long :) We dive in a bit more into Magnus' past today... It was yet another difficult chapter for me to write because of a lot of various emotions.  
So since we're on lockdown, I've managed to do some writing, which means I will try to return to the weekly update schedule! No promises tho ;) My exams got pushed back (not a good thing, but it's not like any of us can control the situation now), I don't exactly have a date yet, so the stress is still at a very high level. But we'll get through this whole thing! Take care and stay safe guys! 
> 
> For now, enjoy the read!

Magnus’ leg is nervously bouncing as he seats in front of the door that Alec has entered not so long ago.

He tries to play it cool because there really is nothing to worry about, as Alec assured him about a hundred times. He’s fine and he’s going to pass this evaluation without much trouble. He’ll pass, they’ll include his statement and he’s going to win this case, putting that son of a bitch Raj where he belongs, behind bars.

So there’s no need to be nervous.

He decided to come here with Alec for moral support, but he turned out to be the more stressed one. Alec has clearly accepted his task and when he sets his mind on something, he’s going to do this the best he can. So it ended up with Magnus being the one comforted by Alec, which should totally be the other way around, but here they are.

Magnus has no idea how this evaluation works. Alec tried to explain to him everything he knows. They’re basically just going to ask him some questions. He compared it a little to a therapy session, but there’s just no option when you can choose not to answer a question or just sit in silence.

There’s also another thing on Magnus’ mind, but he doesn’t have time to prone on this since the door in front of him opens as Alec leaves the room.

Magnus finds himself on his feet immediately, drawn to Alec although there are only a few steps of space between them.

“And?” Magnus prompts as Alec closes the door behind him. He shrugs lightly but doesn’t appear to be upset.

“It went well. At least I think so.” He admits. “The questions are always tricky, trying to make you doubt everything, but I was answering truthfully.

“I’m sure you did great.” Magnus is not sure if he’s assuring him or himself more.

“We’ll see. Can we go home now?” Alec asks, reaching for Magnus’ hand and intertwining their fingers.

“Sure,” Magnus replies and begins to lead them down the hallway.

“Thank you for coming with me.” His boyfriend adds then and squeezes his palm gratefully.

“Of course, darling.” He smiles at him softly and Alec mirrors it. He pulls out his phone from his pocket as they continue to walk and when he unlocks it, his smile falls, replaced with a frown instead. “Everything okay?” Magnus asks worriedly.

“Mom is inviting us to dinner tomorrow,” Alec informs and Magnus doesn’t get why this would upset him. Dinners at Maryse’s are a common thing, happening almost every week. “She’s saying to invite your father.”

Well, that explains more.

Magnus sighs, before choosing to speak.

“Just tell her he can’t come because he’s busy, or something.” He offers.

“Is he?” Alec questions then.

“I don’t know, haven’t asked. But why does it matter? You don’t want him there.” He retorts simply.

“I’ve never said that.” Alec protests lightly. “Maybe it’s time we tried to make this work?” He proposes and Magnus looks at him disbelievingly.

Alec has never actually admitted not to like his father, but Magnus just feels that he’s not fond of that man. And the feeling seems to be mutual. He’s really not sure why. Magnus realises that he still hasn’t actually talked to Asmodeus after Alec revealed his worries to him that night at the hospital. There wasn’t the right moment. He promises himself he will speak to him about this at the dinner since it’s apparently happening.

“You don’t have to do this,” Magnus says carefully. “I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable.”

“I won’t be.” Alec shrugs. “I’ll be around family. And… well, he’s your family and I just think we should try to fix whatever went wrong between us. Besides, we tolerate each other, it’s not that bad.” He ends with a laugh.

Magnus really appreciates it, Alec making the first step, giving him another chance. Who knows, maybe it will be a breakthrough?

“Can you set it up with your dad? Mom is inviting us over at 5 pm.” Alec continues.

“Sure, I’ll talk to him.” Magnus nods lightly. “Alexander,” He stops on their way and in-process makes Alec stop too, because of their joined hands.

“What?”

Magnus tugs at his hand lightly, bringing him closer and feeling as his smile widens on his lips.

“I love you.” He says and kisses him gently, feeling Alec’s smile on his.

“Love you too, babe.”

So the next day, they find themselves in Maryse’s apartment along the rest of the family. Alec insisted on coming earlier since Maryse always invites then when everything is ready and he always wants to help her, so she doesn’t do everything herself. Magnus thinks it’s sweet so he always agrees.

Now it’s close to 5 pm, but his father still hasn’t arrived. It’s not that Magnus is nervous. They’ve all already met at the banquet for Idris. He’s more worried, that it might be weird between Alec and his father. But there’s no actual reason to be weird, so…

This week just feels like a freaking stress fest, or more like this month.

“Mom, there’s one table setting too much,” Izzy informs from the table where she’s putting out the cutlery. She frowns as she counts all the people again and something doesn’t add up.

“No, everything is right. Magnus’ father is joining us tonight.” Maryse answers from the kitchen counter, not really bothering to look up from the meal she’s preparing.

“I thought your mother told everyone about this,” Magnus whispers to Alec from where they’re sitting on the couch in the living room. Clary, Jace and Luke are here too, with Simon helping Maryse in the kitchen. Now that makes Magnus nervous. He thought everything was out in the open and apparently, the rest of the guests doesn’t know an important fact of someone, almost a stranger, joining on their family dinner.

“Don’t worry about it. Nobody minds.” Alec replies in a lower tone and brings one arm around Magnus to hug him gently.

Well, Magnus wouldn’t be so sure if nobody minds, mostly because of this frown that has made its place on Isabelle’s face. Her eyes travel from the additional plate to Alec and she gives him an urgent look.

“What?” Alec mouths at her, but she only points with her head to the direction of the hallway, probably to speak privately, but then Maryse enters the room with Simon in tow.

“It doesn’t have to be a big deal.” She states as she wipes her hands on a table cloth. “Magnus is a part of this family, so it automatically makes his father a family too.” She explains simply. “Right?”

“Of course.” Luke is the first one to agree as he smiles at Maryse. Clary fondly rolls her eyes at his side.

“I mean, yes,” Jace starts then. “but you’ve known him only for a few months, right?” He asks carefully, but Magnus notices the apprehensive look he throws at Alec.

“Yeah, but we got to know each other pretty well,” Magnus replies in a bit of nervous tone.

“Guys, no interrogations. Let’s take it as a chance to get to know each other better.” Alec proposes and Isabelle’s looks at him even more shocked.

“Alec is right.” Maryse agrees and smiles at her son.

“Alec, a word?” Isabelle asks then as she strides towards the couch and nearly pulls Alec out from his seat. He rolls his eyes but gets up as his sister tugs at his hand.

“It’s fine, don’t worry.” He kisses Magnus’ cheek and then Izzy drags him away.

Magnus lets out a heavy exhale. It was a bad idea. The Lightwood siblings definitely don’t look forward to getting to know Asmodeus. Alec probably included. But why would he do this all against himself? Magnus told him a lot of times that he doesn’t want him doing anything he’s uncomfortable with.

“Magnus, everything is fine.” Maryse sits down next to him, occupying Alec’s previous spot. She rests a comforting palm on his shoulder, probably noticing how tense he got. “I’ve very excited to meet your father.” She adds cheerfully and Magnus throws her a small smile. Then there’s a knock on the door. “Right on time.” Maryse states and moves to answer the door and Magnus follows her to the hallway, mostly to escape Jace’s piercing gaze.

“Please, come in.” Maryse ushers Asmodeus in with a smile.

“Thank you. I wasn’t sure what would be suitable for such an occasion, but I would feel terrible without bringing anything.” Asmodeus says as he hands Maryse a bottle of wine.

“It’s lovely, thank you.” The woman answers appreciatively. “I need to check on the dinner, but make yourself at home. Magnus can show you around.” She adds and then quickly gets back to the kitchen,

“Hello, son. How are you doing?” Asmodeus asks as he hugs Magnus in greeting. “It’s been too long.” He smiles and Magnus does too. He kind of missed him.

“Everything’s great. How are you?” He fires back the question.

“Same old.” His father replies.

“Alright, so come and meet everybody. I mean, you remember them, right? From the banquet-“ Magnus starts to rumble, but Asmodeus grabs his arm before he gets to move.

“Son, just one question.” He looks around as if making sure nobody is observing them, but when he speaks his voice is quiet. “Is Alexander okay? Because the last time I visited, you told me-“

“Yes, I know, but he’s okay.” Magnus quickly reassures but appreciates the concern. “Everything is great.”

“Alright, I just wanted to make sure. I don’t want to say anything stupid in front of his family.” Asmodeus chuckles warmly.

“Don’t worry, they’re pretty cool.” Magnus retorts with a smile and then leads them back to the living room. “Guys, you remember my father, right?” He addresses the room as they enter. Magnus looks around, but Alec and Izzy still aren’t back from wherever they’ve wandered to.

“Yeah, of course.” Luke is the first one to speak as he moves to greet Asmodeus with a handshake. Then Jace does the same, less willingly and with a smile that more resembles a grimace, but Magnus will take it. The rest swiftly states their greetings and then Izzy and Alec finally return, but Magnus can see that his boyfriend’s sister isn’t in the best mood. Alec doesn’t seem to be paying attention to her anymore, but he doesn’t appear to be the most relaxed too.

“Hello, Alexander,” Asmodeus approaches him to shake hands.

“Hi,” Alec answers and tries for a smile, but it doesn’t come off quite honest for Magnus. Although he could fool someone, Magnus just knows him too well.

“Alright, I think it’s time to get over with the formalities,” Maryse states as she appears back in the living room with a tray fool of delicious food. “Let’s eat.”

Anything to break this weird tension, Magnus thinks. He’ll take anything, so the food may actually be a blessing now.

Most of the dinner, expect a few suspicious glances towards Asmodeus from the Lightwood siblings, goes surprisingly well. Asmodeus is as polite as ever, nice and respectful. Not that Magnus would consider he’d act any different. It’s just a bit of a contrasting space that they’re meeting at, more intimate and he couldn’t be sure about his father’s behaviour in these conditions. Of course, he’s been happy, when Magnus called to invite him for this dinner, delighted even. Asmodeus clearly enjoys getting closer to him, becoming his real family.

The question is, does Magnus enjoy it as much?

At first thought, he thinks he does, because it’s just so nice. But he can’t get fully onto this idea, not with Alec’s worries about Asmodeus still at the back of his head.

“So, what exactly do you do?” Maryse asks his father when the dinner is almost finished. They’ve been going back and forth practically about everything and nothing during the whole meal. Magnus is glad they don’t dive into more serious matters for now.

“Well, I’m actually a chemist too,” Asmodeus answers, throwing a glance at Magnus.

“So he took after you, huh?” Luke chimes in with a smile and the man nods.

“And why exactly did you decide to come to New York now?" It’s Jace’s turn to speak, his tone a bit too pushy and Clary elbows him in the ribs lightly, but he just shrugs in answer.

“There were a few reasons, actually,” Asmodeus begins. “first was to reconcile with my son, of course. But I also needed a fresh start. My work in New Jersey got too demanding and I just… needed to start over. So why not to kill two birds with one stone.” He finishes laughingly.

Jace doesn’t look pleased with the answer but lets it go as Alec throws him yet another glare. They seem to have a short, silent conversation just with their eyes, but fortunately, it quickly dies down.

“I just really wanted to thank you for welcoming me today,” Asmodeus speaks then, mostly addressing Maryse. “It’s very nice to feel such a family, loving atmosphere.”

“Oh, it’s our pleasure, really.” Maryse is quick to reassure him. “Magnus is family, so his family also is.”

Magnus smiles lightly at her words. It always feels nice to feel considered like this. Especially among such amazing people.

“I have to admit, he seems to fit in quite well here.” Asmodeus retorts, casting another glance at Magnus. “It’s like he belongs with Alexander.”

Alec nearly chokes on his drink, but swiftly recovers, even though he still looks shocked and a bit uncomfortable at Asmodeus’ words. Magnus can’t help the feeling of surprise himself, but he really didn’t think Asmodeus was that fond of Alec to say something like this.

“He does.” Maryse agrees, oblivious to Alec’s reaction.

Jace and Izzy glance at themselves, equally confused, then turning to Alec as if for some explanation, but all he can offer is a shrug.

“How wants some dessert?” Clary is the one to break the awkward silence as she claps her palms together and gets up from the table. Her smile still feels a bit forced though. “Luke and I made a cake.”

“Yes please.” Simon is the first one to respond and the rest nods in tow with him.

“Let’s move to the living room, shall we?” Maryse proposes and they all gather up in the said space a moment later. Before Asmodeus gets to settle too comfortable, Magnus grabs his arm and pulls him aside after sharing a lingering look with Alec, but his boyfriend seems to be telling him to do what he thinks is right, so that’s what he’s going to do.

“Everything okay, son?” Asmodeus asks when Magnus leads them back to the hallway. “I hope I didn’t embarrass you, or anything-“

“No, it’s…” Magnus cuts off, not sure what he actually was intending to say. He’s not quite sure what he’s doing at all. All he knows is that it’s weird now. Between him and Izzy and Jace, and maybe even Alec. He doesn’t like it like this. “I appreciate what you said back then, really.” Magnus sighs. “But I thought you weren’t very fond of Alexander.”

“What gave you that impression?” Asmodeus frowns.

“You basically told me that.” Magnus reminds him.

“Look,” It’s Asmodeus’ turn to exhale heavily. “even if I was a bit… sceptical, when it came to him at the beginning, then I am not now. I can see how much he loves and cares about you and honestly, that’s all I want for my son.” He smiles and Magnus feels himself mirroring it.

But then it fades.

“Alec told me you’ve been making him doubt some things.” He says then. “Like my love for him? Or the apparent fact that I just want to fix him and then I’ll be gone? Does that ring a bell?”

Asmodeus takes another exhale.

“I didn’t mean anything in a bad way, I swear. It was just… let’s call it a test, I wanted to make sure he’s enough for you.” He deflects.

“Well, your tests suck.” Magnus retorts with a hint of anger.

“I’m really sorry if he got it in the wrong way. You’re right it was stupid, I should have trusted you, while you said that you’re happy together, nothing else should matter. I can talk to Alexander if you’d like, apologize and-“

“No, I…” Magnus shakes his head. “I think it’s enough I just… don’t do that again.”

“I promise, I won’t.” Asmodeus declares in a serious tone. “His family is very nice, I have to admit. Not sure about his brother and sister to be honest…” He adds as his sight hoovers of said people back in the living room.

“Yeah, they’re just very protective towards Alec,” Magnus says as he watches them too, now all three of them having some shushed conversation. This evening feels oddly secretive, and Magnus is not into it.

“But he’s the oldest, right?” His dad inquires.

“Yes, but it doesn’t really matter. They’re all very close.”

“The siblings’ bond…” Asmodeus says slowly. “Sometimes unbreakable.”

“We should go back and join them.” Magnus offers, trying not to dwell on his words too much.

But he believes him when it comes to Alec. The first expression can be deceiving. And it was probably the case when it comes to both of them. Something inside Magnus is oddly enjoying his dad’s protective strike. It’s been so long since he’s had a family who tried to protect him, shield him from the bad. Never in a fatherly way. It feels nice. It should have always been like this, but better late than never. Magnus will hold onto that.

The rest of the evening that follows goes on without any unfortunate excesses. Everyone is fairly polite, the conversations are kept light, there’s a lot of laughing and joking around. Everyone seems to be enjoying the night, even if the company is a little different than usual.

“I think we should get going.” Alec leans in and whispers to him sometime later. “I’m kinda getting tired.”

“Of course, love.” Magnus squeezes his hand lightly with a smile and they begin to gather up to leave.

“I was actually about to leave too,” Asmodeus speaks as he notices them getting ready. “Let’s just go together.”

Magnus turns to Alec to see him nodding lightly. They say goodbye to the rest, but the evening seems to be getting to an end, since most of the guest is about to departure, so it’s not like they’re going to miss out on something. Asmodeus yet again thanks Maryse for the invite and the great time, praising her for being such an amazing host and a little moment later, he, Magnus and Alec step outside the apartment building.

“I had a really lovely time this evening,” Asmodeus admits as they’re about to part. “Thank you again for inviting me. And Alexander,” He addresses the younger man. Alec frowns a little as Asmodeus directs his words only at him. “I wanted to apologize if I ever said or done something to offend you, or make you feel uncomfortable.” He carries on. “Just know, that I am sorry.”

Alec takes the words in with a nod and a small smile begins to ghost on his lips. Magnus lets a smile on his own paint his lips. Maybe everything between them will finally start to pan out better. Magnus does hope so.

“Thank you, I appreciate it,” Alec replies while eyeing Asmodeus, then his sight switches to Magnus for a while. “I’ll give you guys a moment.” He states and walks away in the direction of their car. Magnus watches him go, actually thankful for a moment alone with his father to sum everything up today.

“Thank you for saying that.” Magnus more advised his father not to talk to Alec, but he’s actually glad Asmodeus decided to apologise. He just thought it would be better for him and his boyfriend not to get into each other’s ways, but fixing whatever went wrong between them seems more appealing.

“Yes, I don’t want any more misunderstandings.” Asmodeus clarifies, looking after Alec too. “I know he’s important to you.”

“Very,” Magnus admits softly.

“So it makes him important to me too.” His father states and smiles at him. “Your happiness is the most important to me.”

“I’m really happy with him.”

“Good.” Asmodeus nods. “Go to your boy then. Thank you for today again, I’ll see you soon, son.”

“Sure.” Magnus sends him one last smile before Asmodeus walks off into another direction.

He quickly moves to get to the car, noticing Alec already waiting for him inside. He climbs into the driver’s seat, his smile still intact, not able to come off. Today went better than he’d ever expected. It feels like some kind of a new beginning.

But Alec doesn’t seem to be mirroring his cheerful attitude. He appears to be deep in his thoughts, but Magnus is not sure if these are any good ones, his expression is stern, eyes focused onto some point outside the window.

“Everything okay?” Magnus asks as he starts the car and begins to drive.

“Yeah.” His boyfriend answers shortly.

Magnus throws him a resigned gaze.

“I can see that something is not right.”

“It’s nothing.”

So Magnus lets go, letting out a long sigh and focusing on the road. Alec will talk when he’s ready, there’s no need to push.

“It was nice of my father to say, right?” He begins then. “It’s good to see him trying to fix whatever went wrong between you at the beginning.” He continues and throws Alec a smile over his shoulder. His boyfriend only answers with a weak attempt of the same. “What? You don’t think so?”

“No, it’s not that.” Alec releases a long exhale.

“You could at least appreciate him trying to make this right,” Magnus says, a little offended. “I’m not asking you to suddenly be best friends.”

“I do appreciate it,” Alec admits, but Magnus doesn’t get to relax any beat, because swiftly he carries on. “It just doesn’t feel right.”

“Why?”

“Well, one day he tries to ruin our relationship and the other he approvals us in front of my family? It just seems a bit suspicious.” Alec shrugs.

Magnus lets out an annoyed breath.

“Why do you always search for some ulterior motives?” He questions a bit upset. “People can make mistakes and then try to fix them, Alec.”

“I know that I just still don’t trust him,” Alec explains.

“Well, but maybe you could try? What reasons do you have to dislike him?”

“I don’t know, it’s just this feeling I get, that he’s up to something no good.”

Magnus snorts.

“Seriously? You’re basing your judgements on a feeling?” He asks with disbelief. “Isn’t it like with a case? You need some evidence to prove something. You have none against my father. Aren’t you supposed to be a lawyer?”

“Yeah, maybe.” Alec starts to sound a bit more worked up. “I am the lawyer, which means I also need to trust my instincts, so that’s what doing.”

“Alright, the lawyer metaphor wasn’t the best idea.” Magnus waves it off. “But can’t you see that he’s been trying very hard the whole night? He’s been nothing but polite, you were the one who kept whispering secretly with your siblings.” Magnus points out.

“Yeah, because they were worried. They know how he’s been treating me.” Alec answers angrily.

“News flash, people change, Alec.” Magnus just throws bitterly.

“God, why are you never on my side?!” Alec nearly growls.

“What are you talking about? There are no sides.” Magnus says, almost amusingly.

“Yes, there are. And you keep choosing your father’s. Which is not fair, because he’s basically just shown up-“

“Oh, so you’re jealous?” Magnus cuts in hastily.

“No, I’m mad because you trust him so much when you actually barely know him.” Alec retorts heatedly. “It’s not like you.”

“Well, maybe I’ve changed too.” Magnus shrugs.

“Seriously?” Alec questions disbelievingly. “I don’t think you have. I just think you’re too blinded by him to see who he really is-“

“So maybe enlighten me?” Magnus offers sarcastically. “Since you seem to know so much about him.”

This is ridiculous. He knows that Alec tends to be suspicious, but it’s like he’s trying to find a problem where there isn’t one. Why can’t he just try, like he’s father been doing today? He is so opposed to everything that Magnus has run out of the ways to convince him.

“I don’t know, okay!” Alec snaps. “I’m sharing my worries with you, and this whole thing,” He gestures between them, as if indicating this conversation. “just reminds me why I was so hesitant to do so in the first place.”

“Yes, because whenever someone doesn’t agree with you, you prefer to walk away from the conversation.” Magnus spats angrily.

“What are you talking about? It is really so bad, that I don’t like fighting with you?”

“You tell me. You started this,” Magnus starts exasperated “when you decided to accuse my father of something, I’m not even sure of what actually, without any grounds. I’m sorry, Alec, but people can just be nice sometimes. Fathers care about their children, sorry you’ve never experienced that, but it’s not a reason to rub in with your daddy issues.”

Alec looks as if he wants to say something more and for a moment, he stills with his mouth open, but then closes it and leans back into his seat. He looks furious, but keeps everything in, just shaking his head. Silence falls around them and Magnus begins to realize that he took it too far, but then Alec speaks.

“Stop the car.” The calm in his voice takes Magnus by surprise and firstly, he doesn’t really register his words or just wishes he heard them wrong.

“What?”

“I said, stop the car.” He repeats equally composed.

“Alec, what-“

“Stop the fucking car.” Alec breaks his cool façade as he snaps again. Magnus is too shocked to do anything than what he’s asking to, so he pulls over. And regrets it instantly, since Alec unbuckles his seatbelt and proceeds to get out of the car.

“Alec-“ Magnus tries to reach for him, but he rips his hand away.

“I’m going to spend the night at mom’s.” He says, forcing on a placid tone, but Magnus can feel that he’s boiling up with anger inside. “I need some space.”

“Wait, darling, let me-“ Magnus wants to apologise, but Alec appears not to be interested in that now.

“No, just leave me alone.” He states coldly. “And for God’s sake, sometimes think before you say something.”

“Let me at least drive you-“ Before Magnus gets to finish, he’s cut off by the sound of the car’s door being firmly shut, and he can only see Alec’s form walking away. They didn’t get to go too far from Maryse’s apartment building, but still, it doesn’t feel okay.

Fuck, it feels fucking terrible.

What did he do?

Magnus freezes by the steering wheel, trying to replay this conversation. They had fights, lots of them and sometimes Alec does walk away because he doesn’t want to let their argument go too far. But it always means going to the other room. Not stopping in the middle of the road and exiting the car.

But Magnus did take it too far. He stupidly brought up his father again, without really meaning too, but it felt like the words weren’t even his. He just said whatever came to his mind, without thinking any words through, without considering, how much they can hurt.

He should learn from his mistakes. The last time he did something like this, was when he was drunk. But now he’s sober, so it’s even worse, it feels more purposely.

Fucking hell, what an idiot he is.

“Fuck!” He yells hopelessly and bangs his hand on the steering wheel.

Why does he keep on hurting the person he cares about the most? This really doesn’t feel like him and if he did change, as he told Alec, then he doesn’t like his new self at all.

Too many questions with no solid answers begin to gather up in his head, and there’s actually only one person who can help him put some pieces of this mind puzzle together.

Without giving himself another moment to hessite, Magnus starts the car again and sets on the way.

“Well that certainly is a surprise,” Ragnor states as he opens the door to see Magnus on the other side. “come in, my friend.” He invites and ushers him in.

“Thanks,” Magnus mutters as he enters his friend’s apartment. Not much has changed here. Ragnor may be a progressive person himself, but he doesn’t seem to implement it to his living habits. His place has always been mostly old-fashioned. It does feel cosy, there’s a fire soundly cracking in the fireplace in the living room, bathing the whole space in a golden like shade. The books in the bookcases are set evenly, there’s a traditional glass of whiskey on the table next to an old armchair, where Magnus knows that Ragnor is always reading through his patients' files if they’re a confusing or complicated case.

“What brings you here?” His friend asks as he settles in the said armchair, gesturing Magnus to take a seat opposite him on the couch. “Is Alec alright?”

“We had a fight.” He admits but doesn’t look at the man in front of him. He knows there is no point in trying for some small talk with Ragnor, he’d notice right away that something is wrong.

“Alright, that explains a lot,” Ragnor says and leans back in his chair, taking a sip of his whiskey. Tilting the glass up in offering, Magnus has a hard time to refuse. He could really use a drink, but he reminds himself that he drove here by car.

The same car that Alec has left not so long ago, looking furious.

“What happened?” Ragnor continues.

“I’m an idiot.” Magnus hides his head in his palms as he shakes it.

“No, that it’s something new, but why exactly?” His friend asks next.

“I just…” Magnus tries to form his words somehow. There’s just so much wrong that he’s done, that he’s not sure where to start. “I acted horribly. Have been for a while now and I… I don’t really know why? I keep snapping at Alec without really meaning to, I… I have no idea what’s going on with me.” He admits hopelessly.

Ragnor offers him a sad-looking smile.

“I think I might have an idea.” He states gently.

“I kind of hoped so,” Magnus says quietly. If he doesn’t know what he thinks, Ragnor is the only person who can always figure it out for him. So yes, he had his motive in coming here, sue him. But he just really wants to find out what’s wrong.

“Have you talked to him?” Ragnor questions next.

“About what?” Magnus shoots back, confused.

His friend sighs lightly.

“About tomorrow-“

“No,” Magnus quickly cuts him off. Of course, Ragnor remembers, he is his best friend and was right there with him five years ago. “there’s nothing to talk about.” He just shrugs.

“Look, Magnus,” Ragnor tries calmly. “I think it is a pretty big deal actually. You know that memories tend to come back those days. Anniversaries, birthdays… any days important to those who-“

“Yeah, that’s why I just try not to think about it.” Magnus interrupts even more harshly. “What? Should I celebrate my mother’s death anniversary? No thanks.” He leans back on the couch.

“Not celebrate,” Ragnor shakes his head and rests his elbows on his knees to get closer to him. “honour her memory.”

“I don’t need any special day for that.” Magnus points out.

“Of course you don’t,” Ragnor agrees gently. “But as I said, those days tend to bring back memories. You can’t just push them back so easily, bottle them up inside.”

“I can try.”

Ragnor nearly laughs.

“Yeah, but you know damn well how exhausting it is,” He retorts. “Especially, when you have someone as amazing as Alec by your side, who’s willing to listen to you.”

“Alexander has more important things to do now that my reoccurring memories.”

“Says who?” Ragnor asks firmly. “Did he tell you that? I know he’s got a lot going on with this case he took on, but I also know him. He would never turn you down if you wanted to talk about something. Anything.”

Magnus stays silent because he’s actually right. For the past few days, it’s like Magnus has been feeling this upcoming day that’s going to crash down on him tomorrow, but he tried to play that down. The past should stay in the past, it doesn’t mean he’s going to suddenly forget his mom, but there’s no denying to the fact that she’s gone, and he has to keep on living without her. He didn’t want to bother Alec with the anniversary of her death coming up, it didn’t seem important. Not that Alec wouldn’t care, he would, and that’s exactly what Magnus didn’t want. He’s got so much on his plate now, that Magnus would hate adding up to that.

“Listen,” Ragnor’s voice shakes him out of his thoughts. “you asked why you’ve been acting like an idiot recently? It’s because of this,” His friend states plainly. “you bottle your feelings up, thinking that they are not important. You’re on edge, and you end up taking it out on the person who’s the closest to you. And mostly, that’s Alec.”

Magnus sinks into his seat even further. He’s such an idiot that he hasn’t even figured that out, but Ragnor’s words make so much sense. Alec is the one at who it all backfires, all of Magnus’ emotions, that he has buried down inside himself, that are now coming up to the surface.

“You don’t mean to do that,” Ragnor goes on soothingly. “you would never purposefully hurt him, you’re just not aware of how much pain you’re still carrying inside of you. And now, with the upcoming anniversary tomorrow, this pain and grief want to be let out.”

“Should I let it?” Magnus asks, kind of dreading the answer.

“Yes,” Ragnor replies, with a hint of a reassuring smile. “but somewhere you feel save. With someone who you trust.”

“With Alec.” Magnus retorts himself and Ragnor nods lightly.

“That seems to be the best option, yes.” He admits with a little bit of teasing note, but then adds more seriously. “He deserves to know what’s going on with you, Magnus.”

It’s Magnus’ turn to sigh heavily.

“I don’t think he’ll want to listen to anything I have to say anytime soon.” He sates and bites his lip.

“Why would you think that?”

“He literally asked me to stop the car and let him out in the middle of the road,” Magnus recalls while his eyes become wet. “He doesn’t want to be anywhere near me, the more listen to me feeling sorry for myself.”

“That bad, huh?” Ragnor asks sympathetically, but frowns a little as Magnus nods and hides his face in his palms again, to stop the tears from falling. His friend lets out a long exhale, but a moment later, Magnus feels the couch dip next to him and then Ragnor’s arm is resting reassuringly around his shoulders. “He’ll come around, just give him a bit of time. He clearly needs his space.”

“I brought up his father again,” Magnus confesses after a while, his voice sounds wet. “We’ve already been through that and now I stupidly… I wasn’t even thinking.”

“He knows you didn’t mean that you were just too worked up-“

“I’m not so sure he does.”

“Then you’ll explain.” Ragnor retorts. “But you really should give him a while. It couldn’t have been nice for him too. What did you even fight about? I mean, how did it start?”

Magnus really isn’t ready for this kind of conversation, but he knows his friend won’t let go easily.

“It was kind of about my father.”

Ragnor takes his words in with a slow nod but doesn’t actually ask anything further. For which Magnus is thankful because he’s really not up for this talk today. He’s tried and mad at himself. He already misses Alec but knows that Ragnor is right when he says that he needs his space now. And besides, Alec told him this himself. He’ll probably end up calling Maryse, to make sure that Alec is okay, but that would also mean explaining the situation, which he isn’t looking forward too. No matter how much Maryse may love him, he knows that she will always choose her son above him, which she will be right too do since this whole thing is Magnus’ fault.

“You can stay the night here if you’d like.” Ragnor offers him then. Magnus does consider it for a bit. He doesn’t even want to think about how weird night at loft without Alec right next to him will feel. But at the same time, he knows that tomorrow will be a difficult day for him. Ragnor has already helped him a lot today, he doesn’t want to burden him with his blue mood tomorrow.

“Thanks, but I should actually head out.” He replies gently. “I’m tried. But thank you for the talk.”

“Are you sure?” His friend inquires.

“Yeah,” Magnus nods and tries to send him a small smile, but he can feel that he’s failing. “Thank you, really. I’ll consider all of your pieces of advice.”

“You know they’re the best ones you’ll get,” Ragnor says teasingly, but it’s true. He hugs Magnus lightly to his side, rubbing his shoulder comfortingly. “Call me, if you need anything.”

Magnus gives him one more thankful nod and they stay like this for a little while longer.

And as much as he’s enjoying the comfort that Ragnor offers him, he wishes another person was at his side now too.

As he expected, the night was incredibly bad.

He kept tossing around in bed, reaching for Alec, who wasn’t there. He was cold without his personal, human heater. It was awful not to feel Alec’s body next to him. He probably wasn’t even aware of how used to him being there he got.

When Magnus woke up, he spent what feels like an eternity just laying and staring at Alec’s side of the bed, simply missing him, running his palm up and down the on cold space on the sheets, where his boyfriend’s form is usually laid.

The morning doesn't get any better.

It’s just so awfully quiet. Magnus used to enjoy the morning silence, but he always enjoyed it with Alec. There’s a difference between being able to tuck in with your boyfriend and listen to the sounds of New York waking up to life, and this terrible feeling now, not to be able to enjoy a nice morning, because it’s just too quiet.

He doesn’t actually have to show up at work today. He drinks up the rest of his morning coffee and moves back to the bedroom. He may as well just do nothing, he doesn’t feel in the mood to do anything.

Is one night away enough time and space Alec needs? Should Magnus be the one to decide that?

He knows that he can’t, Alec will be back when he’s ready and when the time is right for him.

Magnus made this whole mess, so he has no right to dictate any conditions now.

And obviously, with nothing and no one to distract him today, Magnus thoughts wonder to the direction they seemed to be drawn too for some time now.

His mother.

It’s been five years since he saw her last. Five years since he’s seen her smile, heard her laugh since she took in her last breath. Magnus remembers being with her then, holding her hand. She passed away with a smile on her face, finally at peace and free of pain. Magnus likes to explain it to himself like that, but maybe she was actually happy to be free of him. He wouldn’t blame her.

Luke was the one who found him crying in the hallway, after the doctors told him, that she’s gone. He’s been an incredible support through this whole thing, but right at that moment, Magnus didn’t need much. Luke was basically just there, holding him. And it really was enough.

He’s learnt to move on, accepted it. It took some time because she was the only person who he’s loved so deeply. The first person to ever care for him, the one who never stopped caring, even when Magnus did. The pain was excruciating for the few first weeks. Ragnor tried to make him at least get out of bed, but he couldn’t even manage that. It was probably the hardest time in his life, but he’s got through it with the help and support of his friends.

But it’s never easier. And days like this are just the worst. They make you remember more than you’d like to. He woke up today and his first thought was wow, it’s been five years, but sometimes it still feels like yesterday. His mom will always have a special place in his heart and his mind. He does have lots of fond memories of her and he tries to cherish them, not to think about the bad ones, when she suffered.

Yet, it’s inevitable, not to think about them. He overthinks, thinks about what more could he do. Was there any way to give her at least one more day? To do something more, to make her proud, to grand her something she’s always dreamt of? He’ll never be able to answer these questions, and it’s killing him.

With a heavy sigh, he moves from the bed and heads to the closet. There’s not much stuff he has left after his mom, but the ones he does are probably some of his most valuable possessions. At least when it comes to sentimental value. He digs deep into the closet and after a moment of searching pulls out a medium-sized box. It’s a casket, where she used to keep her jewellery. Magnus smiles lightly. She didn’t have lots of occasions to dress up, but when she did, she used to dig into this little box for what seems like ages, to find something suitable. In the end, she often let Magnus choose something for her, and no matter how awful his choice might have been, she always wore it proudly.

Magnus gets back to the bedroom and settles himself on the bed, placing the box in front of him, not quite ready to open it yet. He knows what’s inside, has been opening it every year on that day, but when he does, it’s like a wave of memories is hitting him right in the face. He’s not sure he’s ready for it now, so he just seats and stares at it, tracing the dark wood with his fingers delicately, as if scared it may break.

That’s when he hears the front door open.

But it feels like he’s in some weird trance now, eyes fixated on the casket in front of him, and he’s not actually sure if he’s heard right until Alec appears in the bedroom.

He doesn’t appear to be as pissed as yesterday, but there’s still some tension in his posture and a stern look in his face. But as he leans against the doorframe, as if debating whether to come in, or not, and seems to take Magnus in, something in his features softens.

“There you are,” He says with a hint of confusion as his eyes wander to Magnus, then to the box, and then again to Magnus. “Everything okay?”

Magnus nearly laughs at the question. There he is, asking Magnus if he’s okay when he’s the one who hurt him so much just yesterday. He doesn’t deserve Alec, never really did. But it’s so like him to try to brush off whatever happened between them when he sees that something’s not right with Magnus.

“Hey,” Alec speaks even softer now, hesitating, but eventually deciding to move and a few seconds later he joins Magnus on their bed “what’s wrong?”

_What’s wrong?_ Magnus thinks, _so much is wrong_. For starters, Alec shouldn’t even be here. Magnus deserves to be alone, he doesn’t deserve his support and love he’s showing him now. 

“I’ve been acting terrible towards you,” Magnus says, but doesn’t look at him. His sight remains at the box at his feet.

Alec lets out a shuttering breath.

“It’s okay,” He starts and Magnus immediately begins to shake his head, a hollow laugh escaping him. “we’re both on edge,” Alec tries. “the case is affecting both of us, and I haven’t been thinking about how much it touches you too-“

Magnus really wants to laugh now, because here is Alec, trying to blame it on himself, while Magnus is the one who messes up. God, he’s even worse than he thought, just letting Alec say all of those things.

And to be honest, it isn’t even about the case. Not so much, anyway.

“It’s been five years since my mom died today.” Magnus stops Alec’s rumbling and his boyfriend freezes with his mouth open mid-sentence. Magnus exhales, feeling the tears starting to gather up in his eyes. “It’s been eating me up from the inside for the few last days, and instead of trying to talk to you about this, I kept snapping at you, because my emotions were all over the place.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Alec asks, but he doesn’t sound offended. He sounds purely sad.

“Because I thought you have more important things to do than feeling sorry for me,” Magnus sniffles and runs his hand over his face. “I didn’t want to add up to your worries. This isn’t so important.”

“Magnus,” Alec rests his palm on Magnus’ cheek, gently wiping up the tears there. “baby,” He cups his face now and urges him to look at him. Magnus does so, and with his foggy eyes he can see that even though Alec’s voice sounds soft, there’s some solemnity on his face. “no matter what case, big or small, you are always more important to me. You and your feelings. I’m sorry that I’ve been so caught up in this, that I haven’t even noticed something was going on-“

“No, I am sorry,” Magnus cuts in because he just can’t listen to his boyfriend putting the blame on himself. “I had no right to take it all out on you. I should have just talked to you and instead, I ended up causing you pain.”

“I didn’t know what you’ve been going through,” Alec shakes his head. He looks like he’s mad, but it’s directed at himself now. “I got so swept up that I’ve never-“

“Please, stop,” Magnus pleads lightly, catching one of Alec’s palms as it falls from the side of his face. He laces their fingers together and feels some part clicking into its rightful place. “It’s all my fault. I let my emotions take the better of me, way too many times.”

“I shouldn’t have left yesterday,” Alec retorts. “if I knew, I swear I would never leave you alone today-“

“No, you did the right thing. I understand,” Magnus squeezes his palm and rubs his thumb along his knuckles gently. “I wouldn’t want to be around myself too.”

Alec chuckles shortly at his words and he does too, but it swiftly fades away.

“I am really sorry, darling,” Magnus continues. “I’ve never wanted to hurt you.”

“I know,” Alec replies softly. “I’m sorry too, for not giving you enough consideration to share your feelings.”

And although Magnus still doesn’t know how Alec could be the one to blame here, he lets that go with a nod. He’s really not in the mood to argue about who’s more at fault. It’s not the time. Plus, he doesn’t ever want to fight with him.

“Come here,” Alec says and brings his arm around Magnus, hugging him tightly and placing a sweet kiss on top of his head. They sit like that for a moment, before he points at the box in front of them. “What’s that?” He asks in a soft tone, and Magnus is pretty sure that he already knows, but answers anyway.

“Some of my mother’s things,” He explains but doesn’t move to reach for them. Not yet. He feels Alec nods, for where his head is still resting on his shoulder. They just continue to stare at the box, until Alec speaks again.

“Does your father know?” He questions gently. “About today.”

Magnus shakes his head.

“No, I don’t think so.”

“Don’t you think he should?”

“I don’t want to burden him with this now,” Magnus admits. He considered telling his father at the dinner last night but eventually decided against it. Would he care? Magnus would be devastated if he didn’t, so he didn’t even want to find out. Sure, he does care about Magnus now but does he even remember his mom. Apparently, he loved her, but then why would he leave… it brings Magnus back to this circle of thoughts and he doesn’t need that today. He prefers to spend this day as he always does.

“This pain could be easier not to bear alone,” Alec says gently, but Magnus doesn’t answer anything. He may be right, but there will be other chances to find out. “I can bear it with you.” He proposes then, and it brings another wave of tears to Magnus’ eyes. He has to close them, to prevent the tears from falling right away. “I’m here, I mean it,” Alec whispers and hugs him a bit tighter.

“I just miss her.” His voice breaks as he speaks.

“I know,” Alec whispers soothingly. “I know, baby.”

And Alec just lets him cry. Holds him tight, whispering reassurances in his ear at times, rocking them back and forth comfortingly until he calms down a bit. He does it all with such ease, like it isn’t any bother to him, to get his shirt wet from tears and sit in an uncomfortable position, just to provide some relief. Magnus realises then, that this is just how he is, that his Alexander is always willing to sacrifice himself for someone’s comfort and ease. He’s known it for a while now, but in moments like this, he’s even more reminded of how loving this man is.

His eyes wander to the box again, when he can finally see again through the tears and Alec seems to notice that.

“I can give you a moment alone if you’d like.” He suggests lightly, but Magnus shakes his head.

“Actually,” He clears his throat when his voice comes out hoarse. He moves his head to be able to look at Alec as he carries on. “would you like to look over these with me?” He gestures to the box.

“Of course,” Alec smiles softly. “it will be my honour.”

It’s all the encouragement Magnus needs to reach for the casket. He exhales heavily as if bracing himself for what he’s about to unpack here, and leaning back into Alec’s arms, he opens the box.

The first thing that hits him is the smell. Old and sandy, like the beaches near his home back in Indonesia. He’s pretty sure there is a bit of sand at the bottom of the casket. He doesn’t look inside just yet, firstly letting himself just drawback into memories, this familiar smell and just the feel of the texture of the casket itself. He seats for a while with his eyes closed, but only then he realises, that this time he’s not alone, as he feels Alec’s arm tighten around his side a bit.

When Magnus opens his eyes, it’s too see his boyfriend looking at him with a small, private and compassionate smile. The look doesn’t feel preying, even though Alec seems to be observing him, he feels genuinely interested in what they’re about to watch. He doesn’t say anything, lets Magnus set the pace, which is exactly what he needs right now.

So with another long breath, he finally looks inside.

It’s the same view as always. Some letters, postcards, full not so big collection of his mother’s jewellery and some stuff Magnus made for his mother himself, that are actually horrible, but she used to cherish them like they were pure treasures. For her, Magnus realises, they were. Because they came from the heart.

“There’s a lot of jewellery here,” Alec notices with that same smile, but now looking inside the box as well. He doesn’t let himself touch anything, just gently peaks inside.

“She loved it,” Magnus recalls. “Used to make some of her own even, kind of like your sister. Although we didn’t have much, so most of them were from what she could find at the beach near our house.” Magnus reaches inside the box and pulls out one of the necklaces that’s made from seashells and pieces of amber. “That was one of her favourites.”

“It’s beautiful,” Alec states and reaches with his hand like he wants to touch it, but then pulls back as if thinking he’s letting himself do too much. Magnus smiles at his caution, but takes his hand and put sthe necklace into his open palm. Alec blushes a little, but then he’s back to inspecting the object.

And Magnus comes to the realisation, that every year he used to sit in his bedroom alone and look through this, which became kind of a ritual, but always felt like wasn’t enough. And now, that he has someone by his side, someone who is ready to listen and who he can trust, it feels so much better, because he can just speak about his mother to someone who cares. It feels good.

Damn Ragnor was right, as always. Magnus should have known.

He looks back into the box and pulls out another piece of jewellery. This time, it’s a golden bracelet with little emeralds set evenly around it. It may appear to be one of the more expensive pieces she had, but in reality, she bought it on a flea market the first day they arrived in New York. Magnus smiles a bit wider at the memory.

“She got this one the day we moved here,” He shows it to Alec and he accepts it as he hands it to him with a smile. “Wore it almost every day, even though it didn’t match all of her outfits.” He laughs lightly and Alec mirrors the sound.

“You’ve never thought of wearing any of these?” Alec questions then as they look through some more pieces. He’s a bit more confident now, as he twirls a silver necklace with a ruby on it. “It would suit you.” He states.

“It just feels a bit too personal,” Magnus admits and Alec nods with understanding written on his face. The things his mom owned are beautiful, it’s a fact. But he could never really bring himself to wear it, it would remind him too much of her.

“What about this one?” Alec swiftly attempts at changing the subject. He pulls out a postcard with an aerial view of Indonesia and turns it around to see the inscription. “What does it say?”

Magnus takes it from his palm and sees that it’s written in Indonesian. His mother never really got too much hang of English. They mostly spoke in Indonesian at home, although Magnus tried to teach his mom. But he never minded that she prefered to use their native tongue.

“_Aku cinta kamu_,” He reads the description and smiles. “Indonesian for _I love you_.” The tears reappear in his eyes, especially when he sees them mirrored in Alec’s gaze. “She sent me this one when she came back home and I stayed here to study. I also have some letters, but they’re all in Indonesian.”

“Maybe you can read me them one day?” Alec offers lightly. “With translations, of course.” He adds and they both chuckle through their tears.

“Yeah, I think I’d like that.” Magnus retorts after a while with a smile. It’s been a while since he used his mother tongue. It would be nice to freshen it up a bit.

“And these?” Alec delicately pulls out a pair of earrings made from seashells. They’re a bit chipped but has been basically since the moment he’s made them for his mom. As he looks at them now, they’re kind of awful and he winces slightly.

“These are my futile attempt at making jewellery for her,” Magnus retorts with a frown as he takes them from Alec’s palm to look more closely. “We spend like three hours on them. They are as horrible as I remembered.”

“What do you mean? They’re very nice,” Alec says, but he’s almost laughing and soon, Magnus ends up laughing too.

“No, they are not,” He shakes his head lightly and wipes at his tears. “She still wore them a lot though. Was proud to wear them actually.”

“Who wouldn’t be? They’re pure art.” Alec comments laughingly.

Magnus smiles fondly and gently places them back in the box, pulling out another item instead.

It’s a photograph. They don’t have a lot of those, never even owned a camera. But it’s a polaroid someone took while Magnus was still too young to remember. He’s four, maybe five in this picture, standing by his mother’s side. She has her arm around him, hugging him tightly and smiling beautifully at the camera. Her black, wavy hair is tied up in a bun on top of her head. She’s wearing a long, flowery dress that reaches almost to her ankles. Her eyes are sparkling with joy.

She looks beautiful, joyful, so energetic like she’s ready to take on any challenge. Like she’s got everything she needs with her son by her side.

She looks alive.

“I don’t really remember taking this,” Magnus starts in a quavering voice as he hands the photo to Alec. “I was too young,” He sniffles, “But we never had a lot of pictures. It’s one of a few.”

Alec takes the polaroid and looks down on it with a soft smile, eyeing it precisely.

“She was beautiful,” He states and Magnus agrees with a nod, not trusting his voice right now. “Do you think you resemble more of her or your father?”

Magnus takes a moment to think about this question, praying for his voice not to shake too much, when he speaks.

“When it comes to appearance, I think I look more like my father,” He states with a nod. He’s very similar to Asmodeus, the same eyes, hair colour… “But when it comes to personality, I’d like to think I’m more like my mom.”

It’s not that his father is bad. But he did leave before Magnus even got to know him. His mother would never do that. Not just too Magnus, but to anybody. She cared about people too much to hurt them in any way, was ready to sacrifice the little she had herself, to help someone in need. Although it was mostly she who was in need. She always said that as long as she has a roof over her head, she doesn’t need anything more.

She was like a candle. There was always this warm and loving atmosphere around her. Until she started to burn out.

Still, with all she had, she tried to help. Even if it was only a few reassuring words, or a smile, or a fraction of her time and piece of advice.

Similar to Alec.

“She would have loved you,” Magnus says then, looking back at his boyfriend with his teary eyes and nodding to himself. “She would see the kindness in you, the will to help and the bravery you carry with you. She always searched for the best in others, and you’re just overflowing with the goodness.”

Alec smiles as he places the photo back in its place and reaches for Magnus’ palm instead.

“I wish I could have met her,” He says with so much honestly and even a hint of awe. “She seems like an amazing person. Just like her son.” Alec smiles, bringing his palm to his mouth to place a soft kiss there.

“She was so much better,” Magnus shakes his head, his voice wet through the tears. “I love her so much. I just… why does it still hurt so much that she’s gone?” He questions, more to himself, but feels Alec tug him closer, so he can hug him properly.

“Because she was your mom,” Alec retorts simply. “one of the most important people in your life. I don’t think it’s ever going to stop hurting.” It’s cruel, but Magnus knows that it’s the truth. “But it gets better. It will get better, baby. And I’ll be right there. Good or bad, okay?”

Magnus nods and hides his face in the crook of Alec’s neck, his boyfriend’s arms tightening around him, bringing the comfort that Magnus has been dying to get. There’s no other person in this world that could make him feels so safe and cared for as Alec. He doesn’t know how he deserved it, but he promises himself that he won’t ever take it for granted again.

“Darling,” Magnus pulls back after he calms down a bit. Alec looks at him with a soft expression, still keeping him close. “will you go somewhere with me?”

Alec probably has an idea where to, but he just nods with a warm smile.

“Anywhere you want.”

Alec drives them to the cemetery, stopping on the way to get some flowers, peonies, Magnus’ mother’s favourites. As they drive, Magnus gets lost in even more waves of memories. Alec doesn’t really prompt any conversations, just lets him have all the time he needs, even when Magnus hesitates before leaving the car. Alec offers his hand and gently pulls him out of the passenger’s seat, letting Magnus set their way.

He knows the path by heart, feet taking him there and guiding Alexander along. Soon they come to a stop in front of his mother’s grave. It’s a sunny day, but Magnus can feel himself tremble. It’s probably all of the emotions, even more tears pricking at his eyes. Alec carefully untangles their fingers, to which Magnus sends him a confused gaze, already missing the contact, but his boyfriend offers him as smile, as he crutches down to sweep some wilted leaves from the tombstone and place the fresh flowers there. Magnus thanks him with a grateful expression, not sure why, but not feeling able to move now. All he can do is stare at his mother’s name set in stone.

It’s been too long since he was here last. He should make a mental note to visit more often, but life gets in the way so much recently, that he can barely keep it in order. But it’s not a good enough excuse. He really should find time for this.

Alec comes back to his side, wrapping an arm around him and keeping him close, probably able to feel him shiver, but he doesn’t comment on it. None of them says anything for a moment, just looking down in comfortable silence.

“I used to talk to her here, whenever I was feeling bad,” Magnus confesses and feels Alec’s eyes on him. “I always hoped, that she’d listen and give me some sign? I don’t know, anything…”

“I sure she’s always listening,” Alec assures him with a kiss to the side of his head.

“You don’t think it’s weird?” Magnus asks then and Alec frowns at him confusingly. “Me talking to my dead mother.”

“What do you think I do, when I ask you to give me a moment when we visit Max?” Alec just shoots back a question, but he still sounds soft. Magnus hasn’t really thought about it. Alec does sometimes ask him to give him a moment alone when they visit his brother’s grave, but he just assumed that he’d like to spend some time with him. Just them. But to know that Alec’s been having the same idea of this kind of small talk warms his heart a bit. “There’s nothing weird about that, we just miss them.” He states as Magnus buries himself deeper into his embrace. “What do you think she would say now?”

“That I should keep you,” Magnus says softly and feels Alec chuckle. “seriously, she would have probably yelled at me if I ever let you go.”

“Well, she doesn’t need to worry about that. I’m always here.”

“See, mom? I made it,” Magnus adds quieter, feeling Alec’s arm tightening around him.

“I think she would be proud of you,” He says then. “that you’re trying so hard and doing so well.”

“I wouldn’t say-“ Magnus tries, but Alec doesn’t let him interrupt.

“You’re doing great, baby. Today’s a hard day, and you’re still here, honouring her as you should. She really would appreciate that.”

Magnus doesn’t argue further. He supposes, that he does quite okay. With Alec’s support of course, without him, he would totally crumble down.

“I’m sorry I haven’t told you about today earlier,” Magnus speaks a while later. Now he can’t even comprehend why he didn’t. He was just being an idiot again.

“That’s okay,” Alec assures him. “I’m not mad at you, I’m mad I haven’t noticed that something was wrong. I’m mad at myself.”

“Don’t be,” Magnus pleads softly. “Just… let’s forget it. I don’t want to fight anymore. Like ever.”

“Me too,” Alec admits and kisses the top of his head. “No more fights.”

“No more.” Magnus agrees. “Can we stay for a little while longer?”

“As long as you want,” Alec easily replies and Magnus can basically feel him smiling.

His mom would definitely tell him to keep this one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! As always, I want to know all of your thoughts and theories so make sure to write them in the comments below :)  
Turns out, Magnus had some things to deal with by himself too... Do you think he should tell Alec earlier? Maybe Alec should stop being so suspicious about Asmodeus..? Let me know what you think?  
Next chapter: the struggle with the trial continues...


	23. The Feeling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The trial seems to be going great, but then Alec encounters new unexpected problems.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!  
I hope you all are doing great :) Today we dive into the trail again, let's remember to never underestimate Alec's intuition and appreciate how far he's come! 
> 
> Enjoy the read!

“After reviewing the medical evaluation results, I announce that the statement of Alexander Lightwood is now included in this case’s evidence report.” The judge announces as basically the first thing when the hearing begins.

Alec barely resists the urge to smirk winningly at Raj’s defence. He knew it would go this way, it was just a matter of time before those fools would get caught in their own trap.

Instead of boasting in his little victory before Raj’s team, Alec decides to just send a reassuring smile to his mom and Josh. Everything is going as intended. With Alec’s statement being officially included now, it’s one of the biggest pieces of evidence they have against Raj. There’s also Lily’s statement, Josh’s friend, who saw Josh right after the assault took place. She’s going to testify today. Besides that, they have Raj’s transfer records, which are difficult to explain too, with all this going back and forth. The college’s authorities will have to have to justify themselves severely.

Next Lily takes the stand. She tells everything she knows, just like they’ve been practising. Alec can’t believe he’s really thinking that now, but the odds are really in their favour. In the beginning, he used to think that this case is going to be horrible. And it is in a lot of aspects. But it for sure isn’t impossible to win. There are tricky parts, but mostly Raj’s defence appears not to be sure how to play this. Which is good.

One of those tricky parts comes now. Raj’s testimony.

Alec has to look away because the man’s eyes seem to be piercing through him now. Alec hates it the way Raj’s attention is still focused on him. Every time he only looks at his direction, he finds him looking back at him. It’s starting to strongly bother him.

He answers the questions, the convenient ones that the defence has prepared, of course, trying to turn everything into his favour. Alec can hardly listen to this bullshit and when he turns to look at Josh, he sees the man having a hard time too.

“You don’t have to listen to this, you can leave if you’d like to,” Alec leans in and reminds him. Josh doesn’t need to be present during this, but he chose to. Alec just thought it’s a good moment to let him know that if it gets too much, he’s not obligated to stay. “I can leave with you if you want.” He offers gently, but Josh shakes his head.

“No I want to stay,” He whispers back. “I just don’t know how he can look so composed while he’s lying to everyone around.” He says bitterly.

Well, Alec doesn’t have an answer to that, but he finds it quite disturbing too. He just wants Maryse to take over and end him. Which she soon does.

Her questions are uncomfortable. _Good_, Alec thinks, as they should. She asks about the nature of his relationships both with Josh and Alec, and he tells her that he’s never noticed anything bothering in his behaviour towards either of his boyfriends, that none of them has ever complained.

“Maybe because they were scared?” Maryse supplies. “Of what you’d do if they ever tried to undermine your authoritative role in the relationship.”

“I wasn’t abusing them.”

“Bullshit,” Josh whispers and shakes his head disbelievingly again.

“You’re aware, that abuse is not only violence, right?” Maryse continues. “That it is also mental, you didn’t even have to physically be aggressive. It is still abuse.”

“I wouldn’t hurt any of them,” Raj states firmly, “in any way.” Alec rolls his eyes at yet another bunch of lies. “I loved them, in fact, I… I still do, Alec,” Raj looks back at him, something wild in his gaze and Alec shifts uncomfortably in his seat. “I told you I still love you. You can’t believe them I wouldn’t hurt-“

“Mr Patel, please address either the judge or the prosecutor,” The judge warns, but Raj doesn’t seem to be taking that in.

“He,” Raj points at Josh, who seems to shrink in his seat “is trying to get between us. He made that up-“ His voices grows in volume.

“That’s enough, order please.” The judge instructs and after a quick, communicative look from the defence, Raj finally shuts up. Maryse proceeds with a few questions, but Alec kind of turns off after that.

Why the hell would Raj think that he still has any chances with him? Back at the campus, Alec thought that he said that just to try to get him to help him, but now… what if Alec is in danger of having his crazy ex stalking him now? Or even worse…

“He’s crazy,” Josh leans in and whispers to him, to which Alec nods.

“I know,” He answers, still trying to place some pieces into his mind. It’s starting to become a dangerous game, and even if he’s winning, he’s not sure about the price.

_You really need to put him to jail, Lightwood_. That’s the only way he may feel safe again.

The hearing ends after that, with the date set for another meeting. Alec exhales heavily as he gets up from his seat, not even daring to throw a glance at Raj. Fortunately, his team seems to escort him outside quite quickly.

“What do we do now?” Maryse starts as the leave the courtroom and Alec turns to her confused.

“What do you mean? We’re on the winning side, there’s no way the judge is buying his statement. His alibi is lame because we have witnesses who saw him with Josh after his classes. We’re winning, mom.” He states firmly.

“I know that,” Maryse starts in a calm tone. “but you all saw what happened today. There’s something wrong with this man.”

“Yeah, he’s crazy,” Josh just repeats. His friend Lily is at his side now. “not that it’s something new.”

“Should we plead for an evaluation?” Maryse proposes then.

“No,” Alec answers shortly and all eyes turn to him. He just shrugs “this will only shorten his sentence.”

“I’m aware, but-“ His mom, tries, but Alec cuts in.

“Don’t tell me you feel for him, mom. He deserves all he’s getting now. And it’s clear that his defence won’t apply for the evaluation. Not after this whole scheme with making me the crazy one. They just played themselves. Let them pay for their stupidity.” He sums up simply.

Maryse sighs heavily, but nods.

“Josh, what do you think?” She asks him then. The man looks a bit confused for a moment but eventually answers.

“I think I agree with Alec.”

“Great, so that’s settled.” Alec retorts, he just really wants to go home now. It’s been an eventful day. These hearings always seem to wear him out.

“By the way, I’m applying for a restraining order for you,” Maryse informs him. “I don’t want this man anywhere near you, I should have done it a long time ago.” She scowls herself. Alec places his palm gently on her forearm and sends her a genuine smile.

“Thanks, mom.”

She nods and mirrors his smile.

“Alright, go get some rest you all,” Maryse says then, she looks tired herself. She’s been working hard with his case too. Alec is so very thankful for that. “we gotta prepare for the next hearing soon.”

“And let’s hope the last,” Josh mutters.

Alec smiles lightly at him as they walk towards the exit.

“Hey, Alec,” Lily addressed him then. “I just wanted to tell you-“

“God, Lily.” Josh tries to interrupt her, annoyed, but she waves him off.

“Go wait in the car, I just want to have a word with Alec.” She says and unwillingly, and with an eye roll in answer, Josh begins to head off, leaving them both to chuckle.

Alec doesn’t know Lily well, just from the few case meeting, but she appears to be a nice and warm, even if a bit sarcastic sometimes, person. She really cares about Josh and Alec knows how important it is to have someone like her in his life after such traumatic experiences. 

Lily tugs at the sleeves of her plaid, hesitating to speak a bit. Her long, black hair is flowing down in cascades over her shoulder and when she finally starts talking, her bright blue eyes focus on Alec.

“I just really wanted to thank you,” She begins. “I’ve been trying to convince Josh for a long while to fight for justice for what this bastard did to him. But at the same time, I didn’t want to push. I think you were just the right push he needed.” She admits and pulls her hair behind her ear.

“There’s really nothing to thank me for,” Alec retorts and shakes his head. “It’s Josh who came to this realisation.”

“Yeah, but I think that if he hadn’t met you, he wouldn’t have done that,” She states. “So thank you.”

“No problem,” Alec answers with a smile. “Actually, he told me that you were the one who tried to convince him to agree to take my help, so I think it was our forces combined that made him want to do this.”

“You just can never take all of the credit, can you?” Lily questions teasingly and they both laugh. That may be the truth, but here it was them both. Just as she said, the right push, from both of the sides. “We’re winning this thing, right?”

“We’re winning this thing.” Alec agrees with a nod.

“God, I can’t wait to see his ass in jail.”

And well, Alec can’t wait too.

Alec practically groans as he lowers himself on the living room’s couch after finally returning home. It’s been a hectic day and he really wants nothing more than to rest and just do nothing.

Magnus chuckles lightly at his boyfriend’s demeanour as he comes back to the living room from the kitchen, carrying two steaming mugs.

“I take it the hearing was exhausting today?” He asks as he puts them on the coffee table. “Come on, up.”

“Magnus I really don’t have any physical strength now to get up,” Alec states tiredly.

“I know darling, but you’re literally taking up the whole couch, I just need a fraction,” Magnus laughs yet again. “unless you want me to go…” He begins to retreat jokingly, but Alec immediately makes some room for him. He drops on the couch and Alec lets his head drop in his laps, settling mote comfortably. Magnus approves with a low hum, his hand wondering to comb through Alec’s hair soothingly.

It’s been good between them recently. No fights, as promised. But they still don’t talk much about Asmodeus. Even if Alec appreciates the man’s apology, he can’t help that feeling that it wasn’t sincere. It’s all way too suspicious, and it’s like he’s just waiting for another shoe to drop. But he doesn’t bring it up with Magnus, because it would probably lead to yet another argument, and it’s not something he wants now. It’s okay for now, no one is getting in anyone’s way and that’s for the better.

Alec is aware that everything that’s been happening between him and Magnus recently is his fault too. He clearly wasn’t giving his boyfriend enough attention. And it’s not like Magnus has been complaining, he should, but he didn’t. Alec wants to mentally, and often literally, punch himself for not noticing that something’s been bothering his boyfriend recently. Now that he thinks about it, he realises that Magnus had been quieter and more closed off. But Alec tried to explain it as him being considerate and giving Alec space and time to work on his case. Well, it was stupid and Alec curses himself for not once even asking is something was wrong. He’s usually a great judge of character and he notices any slight changes, especially about the ones he loves, but he’s been too caught up in his problems.

No more, from now on he needs to handle it better. Pay attention to what’s happening around him, not only have tunnel vision for his case.

He’s also mad, that he’s never even thought about trying to find out about some important dates in his boyfriend’s life. He knows his birthday, his friends birthdays, he remembers them all because he really has a memory for this sort of stuff, so now, the day of Magnus’ mother’s death is among them too. He won’t let himself forget and will be extra careful a few days beforehand to look out more for his boyfriend.

It would be weird to just ask about such date, but Alec still hates the way he found out. He was furious after the dinner, and especially after their talk in the car. He just felt the need to get away, for everything and everyone. His mom asked a lot, of course, but he tried to hide how upset he actually was, snuck out early in the morning to not have to be interrogated anymore.

He really wishes Magnus told him. He’d do so many things differently then, but it happened and he can’t change it now. In the end, even though it was a tough and sad day, Alec’s glad he got to find out some more about Magnus’ mom. She does sound like a wonderful woman, and he wishes he could have met her. At least he can listen to Magnus’ memories about her.

“But for real now, do you want to talk about it?” Magnus asks, meaning the case.

Alec exhales heavily. He’s not sure, but he probably should speak. Especially, that there are things that bother him.

“I think we’re going to win,” He admits and feels Magnus jolt a bit at his words.

“That’s great!” He exclaims, but his cheerful tone swiftly fades. “But you don’t really sound happy about it.” He adds confusingly.

Alec sighs and turns to lay on his back, so he’s able to look at his boyfriend.

“Because it feels too easy,” He confesses. It’s been eating him up recently. Everything is going way to smoothly. Okay, there was a slip up with his evaluation, but either way, it was just a formality. He knew he would pass with no much difficulties. “His defence is some literal idiots, or at least appear to be so. Either they are really not taking this seriously, or they’ve got some big ace up in their sleeves that they’re gonna serve and end us.” He explains. “I don’t know, it kind of bothers me.”

“Well, I can see why,” Magnus says softly, his fingers tangled in Alec’s hair. “But maybe you’re just such an amazing lawyer that every case seems easy?” He questions teasingly and it does make Alec laugh, which probably was his intention.

“Shut up,” Alec groans again, but his tone is still filled with laughter. “I’m being serious.” He says more sternly a bit later.

“I know, love. But I’m not sure what to tell you,” Magnus shakes his head a little. “Just follow your instincts, right? That’s what you’ve been doing so far, and it’s been paying off. It feels like you have those guys in a chokehold. There’s just too much pointing at him being capable of this crime. I’ve never doubted for even one second that you'll win, but now I’m even more sure.”

“You’re probably right,” Alec admits after he takes in his words. “It’s just this weird feeling again.”

Magnus smiles at him, a bit sadly. Alec usually gets this weird feeling as he calls it when something terrible is about to happen. He wishes that he was wrong this time.

“Is there anything I can do?” Magnus asks, always ready to offer help, in any form he can. Alec’s not sure what kind of help he could use right now, never knows in these moments, but it's very helpful to have someone near him during these hard times.

He reaches up with his palm and places it lightly against Magnus’ cheek, smiling up at him.

“You could kiss me, I think this would help,” Alec grins at him and Magnus rolls his eyes at him fondly.

“You’re ridiculous,” He says but leans down to seal their lips in a kiss either way. Alec smiles into it, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend’s neck.

He’s still not ready for a lot more. The encounter with Raj left more of a mark on him than he first thought so. He’s not scared of being close to Magnus, this is not about Magnus himself, just the thought of getting intimate doesn’t make him feel too good recently. He’ll work through it, it’s not like there’s any pressure, Magnus never pushes him, lets him take all he can handle.

“Darling, as much as I’m enjoying this, this position isn’t the most comfortable one,” Magnus admits when their lips part, from where he’s crutched down over him while Alec lays happily in his lap.

“Come lay down with me,” Alec proposes and raises, so Magnus can move.

“Is this okay?” He asks as he drapes himself half on top of Alec and the couch. Alec nods with a smile, bringing his arm around him to hug him, already tilting his head to be kissed. Magnus grants his wish easily, connecting their lips again, his palm resting lightly on the side of Alec’s neck. “I love you.” Magnus stops the kiss to rest their foreheads together as he whispers.

“I love you too,” Alec replies instantly, already kissing him again.

Alec is currently photocopying some documents that Starkweather asked him to pull out, that’s when Underhill shows up but doesn’t exactly say anything, just looks at him with what Alec thinks is supposed to be a teasing grin.

“What?” Alec asks, not stopping his task, but also not quite sure what’s going on.

“Nothing,” Underhill smiles as he seats down on top of his desk, still looking at Alec as if he knows something he doesn’t. But knowing this man from working him for a few months already, Alec is aware that even if he claims it’s ‘nothing’, he’s going to start gossiping at any second. “so apparently,” As expected, he goes on. Magnus would say that the pause was for dramatic measures. Alec smiles to himself at that thought. “after finishing this internship, there’s quite a big chance for a job here.” Underhill shares finally.

“Really? I didn’t know they were hiring.” Alec admits with a small huff, already back to work.

“Yeah, they choose the best intern and offer them a full-time job right away,” Underhill adds excitedly, but Alec doesn’t really get where the big deal is coming from. “Dude,” He shoves Alec on the shoulder lightly, till he gets his attention, although Alec glares at him now. “it’s pretty obvious it’s going to be you,” Underhill says as if it was the most evident fact ever.

“I’m not so sure,” Alec just shakes his head, putting the papers into a neat stack. “I haven’t really been devoted to this job recently.”

“Yeah, because you’re leading your own case,” Underhill states and Alec looks at him surprised. “I might have heard Starkweather mention it to someone,” He explains. Alec wasn’t aware that his boss would tell anyone about this. He’s not sure how he feels with that. “Don’t worry, he literally sounded proud of you,” Andrew continues. “so yeah, you’re getting the job, that’s for sure.”

“I don’t know if I’m the best choice.” Alec sighs as he places the documents in a folder.

“Why is that?”

“I’m a Lightwood,” Alec reminds him. He’s aware that his parents are quite the big names in this industry. It used to be only good things, but since Maryse quitted Lightwood LP, there’s been some rumours going on, especially with Alec not choosing an internship at his father’s firm, as everyone expected. But they didn’t know that his father would never let him work there. The Lightwood family might have been perfect from the outside, but the inside is much, much worse. “People would think that I’m getting the job because of my name, this wouldn’t look good for the company.” He carries on when he sees Underhill’s confused gaze.

“You’re worried about nepotism? Alec, seriously everyone here knows that you’re here because of your hard work.”

“Yeah, but I’m just saying how it would look from the outside.” Alec clarifies.

“But it’s not like you’re going to work for your father, right?” Underhill questions then. Alec snorts.

“He wouldn’t let me,” He answers shortly. “But it doesn’t mean I have to work here.”

“Man, it’s one of the best law firms in the city,” Underhill sounds almost offended. “Everyone would die for a place here. You can’t tell me you’re going to decline.”

“I don’t know, okay? I haven’t been thinking about the future yet. I really need to focus on the case now and complete this internship. I’ll worry about the future later.” He retorts and sets on his way to deliver the documents.

“Alright,” Underhill lets go as Alec walks past him.

“You should be happy, maybe you’ll get the job,” Alec smirks teasingly at the man. “I’m your main competition.”

“I am second on the list, I’ll let you know,” Underhill replies in a similar tone and Alec can hear his laughter as he leaves the room.

He quickly strides through the corridor to get to the elevator and soon steps out on the floor where Starkweather’s office is located.

He hasn’t been thinking about his future at this firm. But yeah, he likes it here, is quite good at what he does, but… Alec feels like there’s still something missing. Working for Starkweather just feels very pragmatic and business-like. Too methodical for Alec’s liking. He’s aware of how practical and heartless sometimes lawyers have to be, but ever since Starkweather told him that this company doesn’t really take on any pro bono cases… This was that Alec wanted to put on his first place, helping those who seem to have no chances, who need the help the most and sadly are often unable to get it. This is what’s in his heart and working here would somehow argue with his values.

But for now, he tries not to think about it. It’s not a sure thing he’ll get this job anyway, he can always decline, and he’s got more important things to worry about. _Focus on winning the case, then you can think more about the future._ The only thing that’s sure about his future, is Magnus. He’ll talk to him about this too.

The day at work somehow passes by. Alec buries himself into the workload he has to get done, trying not to distract himself too much, especially with the news Underhill shared with him today. He cuts it all off, and before he knows it, to his relief, it’s time to leave.

“Do you need a ride?” Underhill asks him as they leave the law firm. Alec shakes his head.

“No, my boyfriend is picking me up. He’ll be here in a minute, but thanks.” He replies gratefully. His friend smirks at him again.

“You lovebirds,” He just states amusingly and walks off to his car, throwing Alec on more smile over his shoulder, which he returns.

Magnus has insisted on driving him and picking him up basically from everywhere, when he can’t take the car himself, since his encounter with Raj. Alec does think that he’s exaggerating a bit, but he knows that when his boyfriend puts him mind to something, there’s no changing his mind.

But Alec would appreciate if he wasn’t late.

He wraps his arms around himself, _should have brought a jacket_, he thinks. It’s a bit of a chilly night after all.

“Alexander”

Alec closes his eyes to the sound of his name, from a voice that he really wouldn’t like to hear.

_Why does it keep happening to me? _

He doesn’t turn to face the new approached visitor but doesn’t also run. He thinks that Raj’s father has enough decency and mind not to touch him or try to do basically anything. Besides, Magnus will be here any minute, so he’ll just swiftly jump into their car.

And how does Raj’s father know where he works?

They seem to be getting way too much information about him.

“I don’t want to talk or listen to anything you have to say,” Alec states firmly as the distance between him and the man limits quickly.

Raj’s parents were always fond of him. It was obvious they wanted their son to end up with someone successful and from a well family. And Alec was a young, promising lawyer from the Lightwoods. He was kind of jealous that they had accepted their son, unlike his. He remembers meeting them, which was a bit awkward, but he supposes that every meeting with the parents of your significant other is always a bit of weird. But Raj’s parents were okay, polite and kind, respectful towards him. When Alec began to see Raj’s real face coming out, he had a moment when he wondered, if his parents knew about him being so violent and having those anger issues. He’s never really found out, but if his father played the part in covering this whole thing up, he can have a fair idea of their attitude towards his son’s abusive behaviours.

“Just a quick talk, please.” Raj’s father pleads and Alec turns to him.

“First your son comes and tries to harass me and now you?” He just says sharply.

The other man takes an exhale, clearly to compose himself.

“Alec,” He starts slowly, calmly. “I’m aware that it’s a difficult situation. But please, you have to listen to me.”

Alec shakes his head but lets him talk. Maybe he shouldn’t but he might as well humour himself. Raj is clearly grasping at straws now if he sent his father.

“You are my only hope, our only hope. Mine and my son’s,” Mr Patel says. “Deep down, you and I both know that he’s a good kid. He’s just made a mistake-“

Alec snorts.

“He committed a crime, not a mistake,” He cuts in harshly. “there’s a difference, and if your son doesn’t see it then I can’t help in any way.”

“All I’m saying is that he deserves a second chance,” Raj’s father tries. “And you can give it to him.”

“How so?” Alec asks with a frown, actually curious of what they’ve come up with to try to save their skin.

“Withdraw your statement,” The other man says and Alec feels his eyes widen. This is ridiculous.

“You can’t be serious,” He nearly laughs. “you really dare to come here and ask me for such thing?”

“We can pay you, it’s a fair deal for everyone-“

“Yeah, besides the criminal.” Alec retorts heatedly. “You’re trying to buy my silence? No way, not gonna happen.”

“Then at least plead for an evaluation,” Raj’s father continues. “Raj, he has problems, he needs help-“

“Should have thought about it before you sent me to the evaluation and tried to undermine my every word,” Alec states bitterly. “Why can’t you plead for an evaluation? Right, because you already did, maybe just for the wrong person. You would look crazy, first discriminating mentally ill people and now making your son one of their own.”

The other man doesn’t answer, but Alec can see in his eyes, that he knows Alec is right. Whatever they tried to do in the court backfired hard. And now they may not find a way out of it. Good.

“There has to be something you want,” Mr Patel speaks resignedly. “Anything.”

“You’re right, I want something,” Alec starts boldly. “justice. And I’m going to get in on my own.” With these words, he begins to walk off. He’s done with it.

“If you won’t help, then we will have to report how your boyfriend attacked my son.”

Alec doesn’t turn around first at those words. He should have predicted that they would play this card. He exhales and forces as much confidence as he can into his voice.

“I think you mean your son attacking me, and my boyfriend hitting him in mine and self-defence,” He states. Two can play this game.

“We have medical records, an autopsy, of what he did to him. We didn’t want to use them, but now, you may not be giving us a choice.”

“The judge won’t believe you, you have no witnesses.” Alec just shrugs.

“We have you. Will you lie to the court?”

“No, I’ll tell exactly what happened. Which is that your son started this. I may not have medical records, but this,” He pulls up his sleeve, where the bruise has barely begun to heal itself. “Shall do.”

Raj’s father appears to be out of countenance for a moment. As if he didn’t expect such confidence from Alec. Well, he’s done playing nice, not when it comes to this. He used to be scared of Raj, but now he’s just really furious with him. Firstly, for hurting him, for hurting Josh, for trying to play the victim, when he clearly is the predator here. Alec is mad at how things are constantly twisted so that the bad ones can get away with it. Not anymore.

“It’s your boyfriend, who’s going to get in trouble,” Raj’s dad says then. “are you willing to put him into this position?”

“Magnus did what was right. And I’m pretty sure he is mature enough to accept the consequences. Unlike your son.” Alec answers honestly.

“You may regret not taking me up on this offer, Alec.” Mr Pater retorts in the end. Alec just shakes his head. Some light flickers from his right and he can finally see a car approaching.

“I don’t think so.” He just says and walks off to get to the vehicle.

He’s worked up, and he thinks Magnus can tell it as soon as he enters the car and closes the car with a bit too much force.

“Sorry, there was some traffic,” He says hesitantly, but Alec waves him off. “What is it? Who did you talk to?” He turns in his seat to try to see the person with whom Alec just had a lovely conversation.

“Just drive, okay.” He pleads a bit more softly now. Magnus does as he said, but there’s still uneasiness on his features. “It was Raj’s father,” Alec says after a moment.

Thank God there’s a red light and they stop because Magnus immediately turns to look at him.

“Are you kidding me?” His eyes widen as he questions. “That bastard first tries to get to you and now he sends his father… Are you okay?” He asks more worriedly now.

“I’m fine, he didn’t even touch me if that’s what you meant,” Alec informs quickly to dismiss his worries. “We just talked.”

“About?” Magnus focuses back on the road but still doesn’t relax.

“Raj.” Alec begins slowly and almost laughs yet again. “Basically he came to ask me to withdraw my statement.”

“What?” Magnus’ frown deepens even more. “This is ridiculous.”

“Either this or we apply for a psychic evaluation for Raj, because apparently ‘he’s got some issues’.” Alec quotes the man’s father’s words. “Which is bullshit, they just want to shorten his sentence, and even if he does have issues-“

“They should have thought about it before calling you out.” Magnus finishes for him and Alec nods, not able to resist the little smile on his face for how smart and quick-thinking his boyfriend is. A little bit of anger seems to vaporize from him.

Only a little bit.

“He threatened to report you, for attacking Raj that night,” Alec admits then, as gently as he can because he’s not sure how Magnus is going to take it.

He tenses up slightly and his lips form into a thin line as he observes the road ahead of them.

“Apparently, they have medical records, but I think he was bluffing about this one,” Alec adds.

“But if they do report it, what happens?” Magnus asks, his voice sounds a bit hoarse.

“You did this in my defence,” Alec reminds him. “and he was the one starting this and attacking me. The most you get is probably a financial penalty.”

“If they believe our version,” Magnus speaks doubtfully.

“Why wouldn’t they?”

“I don’t know. I…” Magnus exhales heavily. “I’m scared, okay? I should have thought the consequences through, but I just saw him grabbing you and… I was furious.”

Alec gently places his palm on Magnus’ thigh reassuringly.

“You did the right thing, thank you.” He says and leans in to kiss him on the cheek. “And I’m not going to let anyone believe otherwise. You have to trust your lawyer.”

“I always trust him. He’s the best at his craft.” Magnus retorts with a teasing note and they both smile.

“I’ll talk to mom about this.” Alec declares and his boyfriend nods, releasing a long exhale and letting out of some tension.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Magnus asks then.

“I am,” Alec answers and is surprised at how genuinely it sounds. “I’m pissed though.” He admits.

“At his father?”

“At everything.” He breathes out. “I feel like they’re seeing me as the weakest link in this whole thing. They just think I can be convinced to everything, that I will break. I won’t, I’m not weak. Sometimes I think I’m the most determined to take him down. I’m not sure if it’s a good or bad thing that his defence doesn’t see me like this.”

It may be good because it means they don’t know what to expect from Alec. And that’s always good. If he appears to be so inconspicuous, he may play it in his favour. But sometimes he feels like he’s not being taken seriously.

“You know I’m proud of you?” Magnus’ voice pulls him out of his thoughts and Alec looks at him baffled. “I really am.” Magnus continues. “You’re so strong and confident and just… you were literally made for this job. I feel like you’ve changed a bit, but not in a bad way. You’ve just grown more confident and sure of yourself since we met. It’s good to see.”

Alec blushes slightly under the praise, thankful that Magnus is focused on the road more than on him. But he supposes it’s true. He’s not invincible, will never be, but he got better at believing in himself, finally started to believe that he can achieve the things that he would never even dream of only a few months ago.

And he knows Magnus was a big part of that process. He’s showed him that his vulnerabilities don’t make him weak, they make him human. Helped him believe in himself.

“Thanks,” Alec says with a soft smile and Magnus mirrors it.

This time, the silence that follows during the drive is full of hope and love.

“I’ll have this sorted out, you and Magnus have absolutely nothing to worry about,” Maryse assures him yet another time one the phone. Alec decided to call her right away, because with another hearing approaching pretty fast, basically, every minute is priceless. “I have no idea what he was thinking while approaching you with this. I will make sure everything stays in order.” She declares one more time, the determination, and a bit of anger that’s been there since Alec told her about his encounter with Raj’s father, still present in her voice. “Tell Magnus not to worry, okay? I promise I won’t let them drag him into this. He didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Thank you,” Alec exhales, feeling relieved. His mother always keeps her word, so if she tells him that everything is going to be fine, then it will be, he knows it. “Is there anything I could do-“

“No, son, you’d done enough,” Maryse interrupts gently. “You should stay low until the case ends, I don’t want you to have any more unpleasant encounters.”

“Mom, I’m not going to hide,” Alec’s voice comes out a bit too harsh than he intended too. He exhales heavily before picking back up. “I’m not scared anymore.”

Maryse is silent at the end of the line for a moment, then Alec hears her letting out a deep breath.

“I’m not asking you to hide,” She clarifies. “Just be careful, okay?”

“Sure,” Alec agrees easily.

“Alright, I’ll call you tomorrow when I know anything more,” She states and after some quick goodbyes they hang up.

Alec closes his eyes for a few brief seconds, composing himself after yet another emotional evening he’s had. When he enters the bedroom after making sure he’s back at being the calmest he can now, Magnus is already in bed, but clearly waiting for him to hear how the talk went.

Alec goes to sit on the bed next to him, absently reaching for his hand. Magnus simply laces their fingers together, his expression still awaiting, if not a bit nervous.

“Mom will sort everything out. She says not to worry,” Alec informs with a small smile as he caresses Magnus’ palm delicately with his thumb.

“Okay…” Magnus exhales.

“It’s gonna be fine, I swear. Don’t worry.” Alec insists yet again, feeling his boyfriend’s hesitation.

“Alright, I believe you,” Magnus admits. “Both of you.”

“As you should,” Alec adds a bit more teasingly and is happy to see Magnus smile at his words as he looks down at their joined hands. “Come here,” He says, but he’s actually the one to lean in and kiss him softly. Magnus positively melts under his touch as Alec deepens the kiss a little and cups his face, feeling him smile against his lips. None of them seems too eager to stop and soon Magnus pulls Alec down on the bed till he can rest on top of him. Alec knows that he’s not able to take this very far yet, but he’ll offer himself to Magnus as much as he can, and it’s for sure appreciated and required.

“I love you,” Magnus pulls just an inch away to whisper between their lips, his eyes focused on Alec’s, his palm sweeping some of Alec’s loose hair from his forehead.

“I know,” Alec grins at him and Magnus rolls his eyes at this response, but it’s all too fond to even pretend that he’s annoyed. Alec allows himself to kiss him one more time, and maybe once more, before replying with all the sincerity he holds for this man. “I love you too.”

No matter what mess is around, no matter how deep they may be in some shit, they’re in this together. They have each other and it’s all that matters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I'd love to know all of your thoughts :) How proud are you of Alec? Will they end up winning the trial?  
I know it may be a bit of a slower chapter, but I promise that the action picks back up in the next one... Not sure if it's good or bad ;)  
Thank you so much for all the support, take care, stay safe and I'll see you soon with another chapter!


	24. The Panacea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Asmodeus offers Magnus a solution to all of his problems, but it may require some sacrifices...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi,  
get ready to hate Asmodeus even more, to hate Raphael and even to hate Magnus a little bit, definitely to hate me 😂 I promised some action, so here it is. Not sure if it's what you expected, tho... I hope you won't be too mad! There are soft moments too!
> 
> And the good news is I managed to do some more writing recently, so I'm pretty sure I can go back to my Malec Monday schedule! So, chapter out every week again :) 
> 
> Enjoy the read!

“You’ve never been an outlaw,” Ragnor states with a bemused smile after taking a sip of his coffee when Magnus finishes recounting his story. “Or violent, for that matter.”

“Ragnor, stop, this isn’t funny,” Magnus chastises his friend for trying to turn this into a joke. “This is serious.”

“I know, you’re just so bloody tensed that I’m trying to loosen you up, sorry,” Ragnor says and raises his palms in a defending pose. “May I just remind you that your lawyer boyfriend and his lawyer mother told you not to worry and that it’s going to be handled?”

Magnus exhales heavily, but nods. He does know it. And there’s no reason for him not to trust Alec or Maryse, especially when it comes to legal matters. He’s allowed to be nervous though because it’s an unfamiliar situation. He’s never faced possible charges yet.

But still, he wouldn’t change what he did that night. It was the only reasonable thing he could think of. All instincts. He’d probably do the same if he ever saw Raj again outside of the courtroom.

“I think there really is nothing to worry about,” Ragnor retorts a while later with a little shrug as Magnus looks back at him from this cup of almost untouched coffee. “so, let’s talk about something more pleasant.”

“Like what?” Magnus leans back in his chair but is actually grateful for his friend’s attempt at lightening the mood. He definitely needs some time to relax with everything that’s been crashing on both him and Alec recently. And someone to talk to, so who’s better than Ragnor? Alec’s working on the case the whole evening today with Josh and his mom, so Magnus would be sitting home alone watching some trash tv. Better to get out of the house and meet his old friend.

“You and Alec making up,” Ragnor suggest with a slight smirk.

Right, with everything going on, Magnus had almost forgotten about how he visited his friend after that terrible argument. It feels like ages ago now. And mostly it was all caused by Magnus’ stupidity, so he’d like to forget about that. He and Alec are okay, that’s all that matters.

“Or did you forget how you came crying to me about-“ Ragnor tries and Magnus literally growls.

“Please, we were supposed to talk about something pleasant,” He whines.

“Alright, alright,” His friend retreats. Then he speaks more softly. “Did you tell him?”

He doesn’t need to specify. Magnus knows exactly what he means.

“I did.” He answers on an exhale.

“How did he take it?”

“He was mad at himself for not noticing anything being wrong with me,” Magnus admits. “which is ridiculous, because if I only talked to him-“

“Magnus,” Ragnor cuts in gently. “look, I love Alec we both know that, but you shouldn’t put all the blame on yourself.”

“But it is my fault,” Magnus just replies confused.

“Not fully,” Ragnor shakes his head. “maybe if Alec wasn’t so swept up in everything he would indeed notice the differences in your mood or such. He could prompt the conversation too. You’re both at fault here, but for different reasons.”

Magnus takes in his words for a few seconds, frowning a little bit. True, he’s been stupid not to talk to Alec about his mother’s death, but at the same time, he’s pretty sure that he would notice if Alec started acting strange.

But Alec’s busy, and this case is bigger than the both of them. Magnus knows that his boyfriend needs to be all in to win.

Still, it doesn’t change the fact that Ragnor is right.

At the same time, Alec had thoughtfully apologised for this already. There’s no reason to bring this up again. Everything is forgiven and everything’s okay between them.

And that’s exactly what he tells Ragnor.

“That’s good,” His friend states with another sip of his coffee. “onto the next subject now: how’s your father?”

There’s definitely a bitter note in Ragnor’s tone that Magnus doesn’t miss. He knows his friend is not all for the idea of Magnus and his father reconciling, but it happened, he has to move on and accept it, so Magnus just speaks, letting the tone of his voice slide.

“Fine,” He answers shortly. Not that he’s not in the mood to talk about his dad. He’s just not in the mood to talk about this with Ragnor.

Or Alec, he’s never in the mood to mention his dad around Alec. It just ruins things with no reason in particular.

“I’m meeting him tomorrow actually,” Magnus adds. “Haven’t seen him since that dinner at Maryse’s.”

Ragnor nods thoughtfully.

“How did Alec’s family take him?” He asks then.

“Well, they’ve all welcomed him pretty okay. His siblings are just wary,” Magnus admits casually.

“You can’t blame them,” Ragnor states and Magnus really doesn’t want to dwell on the meaning of these words. They may be referring just to Jace and Isabelle worrying for their brother, but they may also be implying something more. He just doesn’t want to know. “I just really hope you know what you’re doing,” His friend comments then. “You took it way too far to pull back now.”

“And I wouldn’t change that,” Magnus says confidently. Why is everyone so obsessed with making the being the bad guy, when he hasn’t done anything wrong? If he was more bitter, he would ask, but it would be such a shame to ruin their lovely time, so he restrains. “He’s family,”

“To family then,” Ragnor raises his cup and his smile seems a bit more genuine. And as much as it’s weird to be toasting with cups of lukewarm coffee, Magnus clinks his mug with his in some sort of silent agreement.

When Magnus returns home later, Alec still isn’t there. Which isn’t really surprising, with everything going on now he devotes basically every minute to figure how the case. But Magnus isn’t worried, he knows he’s with Maryse and she can take care of Alec then. Magnus talked to her a little about this whole thing and they both came to an agreement on the fact, that when they’ll see that Alec is pushing himself too hard, they will interfere and urge him to slow down.

Magnus is aware that closing this case will take time, but frankly, he kind of misses his boyfriend. Alec is out a lot and exhausted when he gets back. Magnus feels like they haven’t had a proper conversation for a few days. And it kind of sucks, since he loves spending time with Alec.

After telling him about his mother’s death anniversary, Magnus knows that he could just ask Alec for some more attention, he wouldn’t mind. But he prefers to live in this conviction that as hard as Alec works now, it has to mean that the case will be done sooner and if Magnus starts dragging him away from his work… well, it will only take longer to close it.

They’ll get through it like they always do.

It’s just that Magnus doesn’t really know how crucial Alec’s role is in this. He basically made this happened, testified… but is he so desperately needed there now? Magnus has never been fully for this whole idea, so in his opinion, it would be better is Alec just cut himself off from this since the most important part of his role seems to be done. But he knows he won’t be able to convince Alec to do that. If he started something, his boyfriend will most likely want to lead it to an end.

Magnus is not sure how much time has passed since he came home, but finally, he can hear the acquainted click of the front door being opened, so he expects to see his boyfriend any second now. And exactly that happens.

Alec smiles a bit tiredly when he appears in the living room, making a beeline to the couch to drop heavily on it next to Magnus. In more than a familiar gesture, they both lean in so their lips can meet in a kiss.

But Magnus feels that this kiss is more lingering than most of their welcome home kisses. Alec relaxes a bit and sags against Magnus’ body, taking his time before pulling back with his eyes still closed. He drops his head against Magnus’ shoulder, sighing heavily.

“Okay,” Magnus starts and runs his hand through Alec’s hair “that was a pretty long welcome home kiss. I take it the case meeting was quite difficult?”

“Can’t I just miss you?” Alec mumbles into his shoulder and Magnus chuckles lightly with a smile. Well, it might have been a part of that, but Magnus knows Alec enough to be able to tell that something must have happened.

“I missed you too,” He says and he means it for way more than just today “but you know I’m here if you need to talk.”

Alec nods but takes another few seconds before pulling back to look at him. He settles himself a bit more comfortably on the couch, sitting crossed legs and Magnus is pretty sure he’s in for a longer story.

“We met with Raj’s defence. Kind of off records,” Alec begins and Magnus nods. He knows what it must have been about. Maryse promised them to try to settle the situation with them possibly reporting Magnus for supposingly starting a fight with Raj “We’ll need to plead for this evaluation for him.”

“What?” Magnus asks frowning. He thought they would be able to handle it. And now it’s his fault that this bastard will have his sentence shortened.

He feels a wave of guilt crashing over him. It was a stupid thing to do, but… what else could he do? Let him continue to hurt Alec? That was never in the books…

For a moment Magnus is kind of scared to look at his boyfriend. Alec should be mad at him, he has every right to be, but when he finally does look, he meets Alec with a soft smile.

“It’s because of me, right?” Magnus asks, even if he knows the answer, he still prays for a different one.

“It was too much of a risk to let them bring this up with the court,” Alec just explains with a sigh “it would be their word against ours, and it turned out they actually have medical records. He wasn’t bluffing… I truly hate the justice system sometimes.”

“I’m sorry,” Magnus says, not sure how to react. It feels kind of unsettling that Alec isn’t mad when he really should “it’s my fault.”

Alec shakes his head and reaches for Magnus’ palm, intertwining their fingers.

“Don’t worry about it,” He just replies, still a soft smile on his features.

Magnus’ frown deepens even more.

“You’re not mad?” He questions, still a bit taken aback.

Alec lets out a heavy exhale but shakes his head. Seeing Magnus’ still confused expression he chuckles a little, but then begins to explain.

“I just…” He pauses, searching for some right words “it’s the right thing to do,” he shrugs “I realised, that it wouldn’t be fair. I was being bitter while I said I don’t want him to get evaluated. I think I got blinded by all this rage to just put him to jail that I might have lost sight of what’s actually important here. Justice. I mean, if he, in fact, does have some issues, who would I be to just let it slide? It wouldn’t be the right thing to do, as much as I might not like the outcome. I’m more than aware of how mentally ill people can be treated, so how can I just disrespect that? That wouldn’t be me. I have to be the bigger person here.”

Magnus listens to him and gives himself a few seconds to take in all of the information. The only conclusion he comes up with, not for the first time since meeting Alec, is that his boyfriend is really too good of a man. He shakes his head lightly, maybe with a bit of disbelieve but he smiles either way. He does understand. Alec has his own system of values and he would never violate them. He wouldn’t be able too.

“You’re too good for this world,” Magnus just says softly and cups Alec’s cheek gently.

“Or just too soft for this job,” Alec states, but Magnus can feel that he’s only half-joking.

“Hey, stop it. You were made for this job. Name any other lawyer who values justice over literally anything?”

“My mom,” Alec answers instantly.

“Well, the apple doesn’t fall far away from the tree,” Magnus just retorts and Alec's smile widens a bit. “Don’t doubt yourself. Not now when you’re so close to finishing this up. You need to listen to your instincts.”

“He’ll end up in prison anyway. The question is just for how long,” Alec comments and Magnus nods. The guilt somehow loosens up. It feels like it was a mutual decision, but for the greater good. “I’m exhausted, it was a rough day,” Alec admits then.

Magnus smiles sympathetically and opens his arms for Alec to basically fall into. He hugs him tightly as if trying to shield him from all of his worries. The day ends as any other recently. At least he got to talk to his boyfriend a bit, so that’s a little win.

In the end, they always fall asleep in the same bed, Magnus tries to cheer himself up.

Magnus gets startled by the loud thud as a thick stack of documents suddenly drops on his desk. Annoyed and a bit hesitantly he looks up to see what’s the cause of this and he sees his boss standing over his desk.

“What are these?” Magnus asks as Raphael doesn’t seem too eager to clarify what’s going on.

“Job application,” He finally begins to explain. His tone is still emotionless, but there’s some tiredness behind it “since you went for yet another unannounced leave, you’re behind on them. And you promised that you would take care of that, but instead of that I had to hold the first few interviews alone.”

“What?” Magnus questions, not fully following. Raphael rolls his eyes but then speaks.

“First you say that it’s such an important matter to employ someone, and then you leave. I had to start the interviews.”

“Okay, first of all, you know I wouldn’t leave if it wasn’t anything important. Let’s not get through this again,” Magnus says and tries not to let the note of anger cling onto his tone. “and second, did you find someone at the interviews?”

“No, they were all useless. Not experienced at all,” His boss answers firmly.

Magnus closes his eyes and sighs. He expected this answer, but still, it’s not good.

“How many did you interview?”

“Around ten.”

Magnus opens his eyes only for them to widen.

“And no one was suitable? Really?”

“Yes, that’s what I said,” Raphael replies, clearly annoyed.

“That’s exactly why I didn’t want you to host these interviews alone,” Magnus starts as calmly as he can, but can’t help the frustration rising in his gut “your standards are too high, Raphael. If someone isn’t experienced enough, they can always be taught-“

“You complain about too much work and now you want to teach some recruits?” The boss questions mockingly.

“I’m just saying, that any help is better than no help,” Magnus explains simply. Literally, anyone to do at least some of the lesser jobs would be enough now. “Look, I know we need qualified people, but the experience is not all-“

“I think I know what kind of employees I’m expecting,” Raphael answers way more harshly now, nearly snapping at him. “and it is not your decision in the end. I’m still the boss here.”

“I do know that,” Magnus tries evenly “all I’m saying, is that-“

“Well, maybe save your opinion to yourself then, Magnus. Because believe me, I know better in this matter.” He snaps.

Magnus blinks a few times, kind of shocked and alarmed by this behaviour.

“Raphael, what’s going on?” He asks bluntly, but the concern is evident in his tone.

“Nothing,” His boss answers, equally worked up as before “I just want you all to do your job, is that too much to ask for?”

“No, of course not. But if there’s anything that’s bothering you, or if you’d like to talk about something-“

“We’re not here to chit-chat, Magnus. So get back to work.” Raphael is clearly finished, since after these words he just simply walks away, heading back to his office.

Magnus sighs heavily. There clearly is something wrong. But still, it’s not a good enough excuse for Raphael to take it out on his employees. Magnus can take a lot, has been taking a lot when it comes to Raphael’s moods, but this truly is the worst. Working here doesn’t feel as great as it used to. Hasn’t been for a long while. Basically, since this whole mess with Camille broke out.

Dot sends him a worried gaze as Magnus’ eyes briefly land on her before turning back to work. He tries to dismiss her with a smile, but they both know that something bad must be going on.

Well, as much as he’d like to sometimes, Magnus is not a mind reader, so if Raphael doesn’t want to talk, he can’t help him. He’s not going to push, but if this kind of behaviour will continue, then he’ll have to do something about it.

For now, he just gets back to work.

Magnus has to admit, that his father has got quite good at reading him. As they sit down at the restaurant, meeting for dinner after Magnus’ work, he almost immediately notices that something is bothering him.

And to be honest, Magnus just needs someone to listen to him rant for a bit. He hates to be the grumbler, but even his patience has limits. Very big ones, but Raphael managed to cross them today.

So he lets everything spill and tells his father about his fabulous day at work.

Asmodeus listens patiently, nodding understandingly and sending him some sympathetic smiles. When he’s finally finished, Magnus feels ten times better. Sometimes something as small as a talk is enough to let some of his frustrations loose.

“But how are you?” Magnus asks after their food arrives since his rant took most of the waiting time. “Sorry for dropping this all on you, I just had to vent. Today was really terrible.”

“Oh, don’t worry, son,” Asmodeus assures him simply “I am doing fine. And you know I’m here to listen. That’s why we’re doing this, isn’t it?” He gestures between them. “We meet to catch up, on the good and bad things.”

“I supposed you’re right,” Magnus says because there is some logic in that. Still, it feels a bit strange to unload his feelings on his father like that. No matter how much of a bond has created itself between them. But Magnus thinks that mostly, it is because he’s just always sucked at talking about feelings.

“But I actually may have a solution for you,” Asmodeus leans back in his chair, taking a sip of his wine and trying to hide a smile behind his glass.

“What?” Magnus just questions confusingly.

“Well, since your work has been that awful recently, I think you should quit,” His father states simply, with a casual shrug, but Magnus immediately shakes his head.

“Believe me, sometimes I’d like to,” He admits “but it’s not that easy.”

As terrible as it sounds, Magnus has been thinking about it quite frequently. He loves the girls he’s working with, they’re his friends. But sadly, that doesn’t make up for the way too big loads of work and an unpleasant boss. And he’s really been enduring this for long. Sometimes he wonders if he should have quitted after the situation with Camille and the drugs, it would for sure save him some bits of stress.

But he’s never been considering it very seriously. He is experienced, that’s a fact, but not many companies are currently looking for employees. And if he started somewhere new, it would be basics again and making his way up higher would take time. He doesn’t want that, not after everything he’s work through to earn his position.

“What if I told you it was?” Asmodeus just suggests and Magnus nearly laughs. He really wishes it was.

“Father, thank you for the advice but it’s-“ He tries, but his father interrupts him gently.

“Just listen to me for a while, alright?” He asks and Magnus nods for him to go on. Asmodeus clears his throat and soon starts. “I told you some time ago that I’ve found a job,”

_Oh no_, Magnus thinks. If his father is trying to somehow trade their jobs? It’s a sacrifice he wouldn’t be able to take.

It’s true though, Asmodeus mentioned it, but they’ve never really finished this conversation. He hasn’t even prompted it till now.

So he lets him continue.

“Well I haven’t exactly found it,” His father carries on “I made it.” He states with a proud smile.

“You… what?” Magnus frowns. “Sorry, I don’t follow.”

“Alright,” Asmodeus shifts in his chair to get closer to Magnus and picks back up “I got sick of someone constantly ordering me around, let’s say a have a similar work experience to yours when it comes to horrible bosses. So I decided to become my own boss. I had quite a lot of money saved, it’s been a slow process, but here we are now, I created my own company.”

Magnus blinks a few times, trying to take in the information and just… wow, okay he hasn’t expected that kind of turn of events.

“How long have you been working on this?” He just asks, lacking any better response for now.

“A few months,” His father waves his hand dismissively “but that’s not important now. What is, is that company is basically ready to run.”

“What kind of company is it?”

“A chemical-related, of course,” Asmodeus responds “I decided to stick to what I know best. We’re going to be making medicine. But that’s not the whole thing, I plan to expand it soon so that we can run more tests and help to create medicine for more serious illness. Cancer, HIV… I have well-qualified co-workers, and trustful onces since we had been already working together. It’s a recipe for success. There’s only one piece missing.”

“Which is?” Magnus questions, still a bit in awe.

“You,” His father answers simply “I want you to be my partner, we can run the business together.”

Magnus feels himself freeze, too shocked to actually say or do anything. It feels too good to be true. He could finally cut off his terrible boss, work with his father and do something more meaningful than just making cosmetics.

“Son, to be honest, I’ve always thought that you were destined for bigger things than just creating those cosmetics,” Asmodeus says as if reading his mind “you’re wasting your talents in there. And just think about it, you would be your own boss, no one would tell you what to do or be rude to you…”

This perspective sounds so unbelievable now… but why his father would be lying. Magnus feels so many more doors opening. This fixes so many of his problems. This is what he’s been looking for, what he’s been waiting for. There’s nothing left for him to do than to agree.

“When can I start?” He smiles, which his father mirrors.

“Actually instantly,” The man brightens up “but I have to admit, there is a catch.”

The bubble breaks as his father says the next words. Yeah, it was too good to be true. Nothing that great in life would just come without any sacrifices

Magnus just throws him a bit of resigned gaze but also indicates for him to reveal this mystery.

“The company is settled in Philadelphia,” Asmodeus states.

Magnus’ eyes widen. This for sure changes the too perfect state of this offer. Actually, it changes everything.

“Why Philadelphia?” Magnus questions then and his father sighs.

“New York has too much competition to breakthrough. Philly is a bit different, so we choose to locate there. It’s just more convenient.”

Magnus nods slowly. It does sound fair. Not everything has to go along to his liking, and of course the most important is what’s better for business. Still, Magnus can’t help this incredible wave of sorrow. It could be so good.

Then yet another thought occurs to him.

“So you’re leaving?” He realises. This is even more unfair, he’s only just got his father to lose him again. This thought leaves a bitter taste in his mouth.

“No, son,” Asmodeus shakes his head, but smiles “we are leaving.”

Magnus sighs heavily, hating to break his father’s good mood.

“Father, I can’t. I’m sorry,” He retorts.

Asmodeus doesn’t appear to be put down, in fact, he just doesn’t seem to be giving up, and when he speaks again, he sounds just more determined.

“Why? This is your greatest opportunity, son. Just think about all of the amazing things we can accomplish together, as a team. Wouldn’t that be a dream come true?”

It really would and Magnus hates that he can’t do this.

“Look, I have to admit, that you are a crucial part of why this company exists in the first place, it can’t go on without you, please son.” His father pleads, almost desperately. “What really keeps you here?”

A fair amount of things actually, but there’s only one that matters the most.

Alexander.

Magnus gets yet another proof of how much his father got to know him when he speaks again.

“You’re thinking about Alexander, right?” He questions and all Magnus can do is nod in answer. “Well, if you consider your relationship a problem here, then it doesn’t have to be. Take Alexander with you while we move.”

Magnus is just about to reply that this is insane and won’t work but bites his tongue in the right moment.

Because maybe it isn’t such a bad idea.

There is no universe where Magnus would leave Alec, but if they could just move together… that would be a dream come true. He would have his dream job and Alec by his side. What more could he want?

But the truth is, that he’s not the only one who has a saying in this. And he’s pretty sure Alec wouldn’t be as excited about this idea as himself.

“I don’t think that’s possible, father,” Magnus admits sadly, feeling the sombre tone of his voice.

“Why?” Asmodeus doesn’t seem to grasp Magnus’ reasons to decline. “Look you love him and he loves you. Sometimes love requires sacrifices. And this is a big chance for you, Alexander wouldn’t want you to waste it, I’m sure.”

He has a point though, but Magnus doesn’t think he can sacrifice their relationship that much. He’s pretty sure they could go through everything, but long-distance wasn’t what any of them signed up for. Who is he trying to fool? He can barely spend one night without Alexander next to him.

And if Alec moved with him only for his sake… He’d grow to resent him for making him leave his hometown. This is not an option too.

“This is something you want, right?” Asmodeus continues.

“Of course,” Magnus answers without hesitation. This is a solution that he didn’t even know he needed till now “this is a fantastic offer, but-“

“No buts, son,” His father comes in “it’s time you did something for yourself. This job is putting too much stress on you, think about your comfort, your happiness.”

He is thinking about it but without Alec…

“I have to speak with Alexander about it. Sorry, I can’t give you an answer now.” He retorts, trying for his voice not to sound too down when he speaks.

Asmodeus sighs and disappointment begins to twist his features. Magnus hates it. Hates to be letting him down and to let himself down.

The truth is, there’s no perfect solution to that. Some side will have to endure sacrifices.

“I understand,” His father states eventually “but I have a proposition: let’s go to Philadelphia for the weekend. It's nothing obliging, you can just see how it all will look and decide then. Take Alexander, maybe I will be able to convince him if you won’t. Or maybe if he sees how much it means to you, he’ll bend.”

Magnus exhales heavily. He knows that if he won’t be able to convince Alec, then no one will, but maybe his father is right. Seeing it all for himself may make his mind a bit clearer. He has to do this for himself.

“I admit, that the faster you decided, the better. Because I really want the company to launch as soon as possible, there’s just no time to waste. Plus, all the formalities to state you as a business partner… a nightmare. And it takes some time, so I don’t want to push but I’d appreciate if you decided soon.”

It’s understandable, so Magnus nods. He bites his lip, still fighting with his thoughts when he begins to speak.

“I’ll talk to Alec, but I’d like to go there over the weekend, to see all of it there.”

“Perfect!” Asmodeus cheers up. “I’ll set everything up. I promise you won’t regret it.”

He knows he won’t. What he will, will be the time when he’ll need to give it all up, before really getting a taste.

But who would he be, if he didn’t fight for it? His father is right, he needs to do something for himself. New York has never been a place for the fondest memories. Maybe it would be better both for him and Alec to cut it off. It would for sure make Magnus calmer about some matters.

Go hard or go home, they say. Magnus has to get ready for a difficult conversation with Alec, but he’ll be damned if he doesn’t at least try to convince him. He deserves something good from life too.

Luckily, when Magnus arrives home Alec is already there. Which is kind of rare recently and he actually thought he’d have more time to prepare how to start this conversation with him. He’s been thinking about this all the way back home. This kind of opportunity doesn’t come often and Magnus would really hate to waste it. Alec has to understand that, right? They’ll figure it out, as they always do. All it takes is a talk, Magnus believes that.

He finds Alec in the kitchen and as usual, his boyfriend greets him with a tired-looking smile, but Magnus doesn’t miss the way he lightens up when he spots him.

“Hi, I was just thinking about making some dinner, do you want some?” Alec prompts and Magnus shakes his head.

“No, I went to eat with my father,” He reminds him.

“Oh,” Alec appears to be a bit surprised “it must have slipped my mind, sorry.”

Magnus just dismisses him with a wave of a hand and smiles softly.

“How is the case?” He asks lightly.

“Good,” Alec nods as he leans back against the counter, “I think we’re actually getting to the finish line. Just a bit more.”

“That’s great,” Magnus says genuinely, receiving yet another smile from his boyfriend. Although there’s this usual tiredness on Alec’s features, he does occur to be a bit more relaxed tonight. Maybe the case will finish soon and things can go back to normal.

“How’s your father?” Alec questions next.

Well, there’s no point to stall. Even though Alec doesn’t expect what he’s about to drop on him. He hates to ruin his more relaxed posture today, but they need to talk about it as soon as possible. The question is: how to approach it gently because Alec will be reluctant to any idea that just comes from his father.

“Good,” Magnus starts and exhales heavily “ he found a job.”

“That’s good,” Alec retorts, but his brows raise in a surprised expression.

“Yeah, actually turns out he set up his own company, has been working on it for the last few months,” Magnus informs furthermore to Alec’s bewilderment.

“Okay…” He just trails off.

“He offered me a job,” Magnus finally admits. He’s not quite able to read Alec’s expression. There’s some shock there and for sure a great portion of distrust. Magnus knows it isn’t addressed at him, but at his father “he wants me to be his partner.”

“What kind of company is it?” Alec asks, his voice neutral.

“The plan is to produce medicine and later run some test to acquire some new ones. He said that if everything goes right, we can even start carrying out tests to discover a cure for cancer or other severe diseases.” He explains.

Alec lets out a breath and when he smiles, it doesn’t come out to genuine.

“But you already have a job,” He tries hesitantly “with Dot, Aline, Helen… your friends.”

“I know,” Magnus agrees “but it’s… I haven’t been feeling good in Alicante recently. Basically, since this whole mess with Camille broke out. Raphael has been more than unpleasant lately too. I just… I think I need a change.”

Alec’s expression turns more sympathetic now. He doesn’t say anything for a long while, then he shakes his head a little as if to compose himself.

“You know you don’t need to ask for my permission to change a job, right? If this is what you want, then who am I to stand in your way?”

Magnus smiles at his words, but it fades immediately. He definitely should have started with the more crucial part of this.

“I do know that,” He says referring to Alec’s words “but there’s also the fact, I probably should have started with that… the company is located in Philadelphia.”

For a while, they just stare at each other. Alec looks at him as if he’s not sure he’s heard right. Magnus barely resists the urge to start pacing the room to let some of his stress slide. He bites his lower lip nervously while he waits for an answer from Alec, or even for anything for him to say.

“And you’re considering this? Like, for real?” Is what Alec comes up with, trying for his voice not to betray any emotions, but Magnus feels the fear behind his words.

“I am,” He admits because he’s not going to lie to him. Alec continues to stare at him, none of them sure in which direction should they steer this conversation.

“So what about…” Alec’s voice begins to come out doubtfully “what about us?”

Magnus can feel his expression soften a bit. He rounds the kitchen island to come closer to his boyfriend and takes his hands in his, squeezing them gently prompting Alec to looks up from where he’s dropped his gaze to look at their intertwined palms.

“Darling,” He speaks tenderly “don’t ever think, even for just a second, that I would be able to live without you.”

As Alec looks up his eyes are sparkling and there’s an uneven smile on his lips. Magnus mirrors it.

“I want you to move with me.”

The smile immediately fades, replaced with a certain strike of panic.

“What?” Alec asks unsure. Magnus shrugs lightly.

“I love you,” He starts “I can’t imagine not having you by my side, but it’s also a big chance for me. A chance to do something more meaningful, to work on my own rules. I’m really sick of it here, the stress is killing me and I… I honestly think this is my shot.” He states confidently. 

Alec looks even more puzzled than before. He opens his mouth and then closes it, clearly not sure what to say. Magnus keeps watching him hopefully, waiting for him to say something. Alec breaks under his intense gaze and drops his eyes again with a sigh.

“I…” His voice is quiet as if he was afraid to speak “I can consider it.”

Magnus brightens up, but Alec still doesn’t seem to be convinced of this idea. His expression is even more pessimistic.

“When the case is done, and school… I can think about it then when fewer things will be keeping me here.” Alec adds and it makes Magnus realise yet another thing.

“That’s… great, but my father actually needs me right now,” He tries carefully.

“Now? Like right away?” Alec asks taken aback.

“Yeah, he wants it to launch as quickly as possible and everything is ready so-“

“And he didn’t bother to tell you about this earlier?” Alec doesn’t hide the disapproving note in his tone when he interrupts him.

“What would it change?” Magnus tries to deflect.

“I don’t know, more time to think about it and talk it through?” Alec replies sarcastically and exhales rigidly “Look I… you know it’s impossible now.”

It’s Magnus turn to let out a dense breath, but then he summons up all the courage to continue.

“Is it really?” He questions and Alec considers him with a frown.

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“I just mean that…” He pauses, searching for the right words. “what does keep us here, like for real-“

“You can’t be serious right now,” Alec doesn’t even let him finish. He breaks the hold of their hands and takes a few steps away from him. “What keeps us here? Really?”

“I know you have school, but I’m sure they have great law schools in Philly too.” Magnus attempts to reason with him, but it seems to only bring Alec closer to the edge. To be honest, Magnus would be a lot more calmer if Alec didn't attend Columbia anymore. After his run-up with Raj... He just never wants his boyfriend to be around that man. Studying at the same university complicates things. So if he transferred, it would be better for both of them.

“I’m graduating here. I want to graduate here, we talked about this.” Alec just states in a tone that doesn’t take any objections. So Magnus' plan kind of goes down. “Besides, I have the case-“

“Which you’ve just said is close to finishing,” Magnus cuts in “you’ve done so much for it already, the hardest part is done, right?”

Alec takes another few seconds to stare at him, but this time there’s something very close to anger in his eyes.

“I’m going to see this bastard go to jail and no one, not even, you can take that away from me.”

Magnus closes his eyes briefly to compose himself and try to find another way to contend with him. Before he gets to come up with something, Alec starts again.

“And what about your friends? Our family? You just want to leave them like that?” He inquires disbelievingly.

“Of course not, but it’s just…” Magnus exhales heavily and adds in a lower tone. “it’s your family, Alec.”

It’s not that he doesn’t feel like he fits in with the Lightwoods. They are some of the best people he’s ever met and got to know so close. But still, they will never be his family. Not in the way his father is. This connection is different, deeper.

“Don’t do that.” Alec shakes his head, tears visibly appearing in his eyes.

“Do what?” Magnus asks confusingly.

“That,” Alec points at him “you’re trying to convince yourself that you don’t have any reasons to stay here. I get that he’s your father, Magnus, but my family is as much mine as it is yours and I can’t believe you’re trying to erase that now. We all care for you so much-”

“I know you do,” Magnus agrees, it’s not about that “it’s just… it’s hard to explain I-“

“You’re willing to side with your father who you’ve known for a few months than with loving friends and family that’s been there for you for years?” Alec retorts heatedly. “This is ridiculous, Magnus you need to finally see it.”

Something inside of Magnus snaps.

“So this is what it’s about,” He begins, getting worked up too. Alec isn’t usually the one to blow up, so if he does, then there’s gotta be something more about it, and Magnus has just realised it. “again, this is about you not liking my father and having this weird prejudices towards him.”

“It’s not about if I like him or I don’t, Magnus,” Alec shakes his head with an annoyed sigh. “I don’t trust him. And neither should you, actually.”

“Why?” Magnus throws his hands in the air, irritated. “Give me one good reason.”

“I don’t know!” Alec almost yells. “It’s all too suspicious, can’t you see it? Don’t you feel like he’s a solution to all of your problems? He knows it’s rough at your job, so boom, suddenly he pops up with a job offer where you can be your own boss? I’m sorry, Magnus, but it’s just too good to be true.”

“He’s been working on this company for months, clearly he waited till he was sure about it to tell me, maybe it was supposed to be a surprise? He’s trying to do good, wants to help people for a big scale. You’re the one who needs to see it! Not everyone has got some hidden, ulterior motives.”

Silence falls after his words, the only sound Magnus can hear is his harsh breathing from where he’s got so worked up while speaking. Alec’s expression is unreadable again, but when he speaks, his voice is calm.

“Magnus, I get that you want to join this company to help people. A perspective of coming up with those medicines, fighting cancer… it’s a noble cause, I can see that” He noticeably hesitated before continuing “but it isn’t going to bring back your mother.”

“It’s not about this,” Magnus says instantly, his tone even sharper. True, the thought of his mom had crossed his mind when he heard about it, but he’s not stupid. “I think I have some weird trauma? My mom is gone, Alec, I know that. It doesn’t mean that I can’t think about other people in similar situations to mine, that I can’t try to save them from the pain I endured-“

“You’re right, I’m sorry,” Alec cuts it more gently “I shouldn’t have brought this up, I’m sorry.”

They fall silent after that. But the conversation feels far from over. Magnus rubs at his temple, feeling the pain starting to grow there. This is a mess, and it’s worse than he thought it’s going to go.

“Sometimes, love requires sacrifices,” He just says and sees Alec turn back to him, the anger mixed with pure sadness on his features.

“Yeah,” unexpectedly, he agrees “but it also requires compromises. I’m willing to compromise, Magnus. I can consider moving to Philadelphia, but after the case is done, and after I graduated.”

But the thought of it doesn’t seem appealing to Magnus.

“You say you’ll consider it, but we both know that your answer is going to be no.” He states resignedly.

“I don’t know that now, Magnus…” Alec replies, but it doesn’t sound convincing. Magnus nearly snorts. Alec shouldn’t be leading him on like this.

“Do you want to move, Alec?” He asks simply. His boyfriend closes his eyes as if he was physically in pain.

“Magnus-“

“Yes, or no. It’s a simple question.” He shrugs.

“No, I don’t,” Alec admits.

“Then why are you trying to lead me on with this answer, Alec? This isn’t fair-“ Magnus snaps again.

“I’ve never even thought about it, leaving New York. It’s my home and I… I have everything here I can’t just-, this isn’t something I want, Magnus, but I’m willing to-“

“If we moved, you’d grown to resent me, because I ripped you away from your home,” It isn’t exactly a question, but Magnus awaits some response from Alec either way.

“I could never hate you,” Alec says surely.

“But you would-“

“If you think that, then it goes both away. You’d grown to hate me because I took this great opportunity from you.” Alec states wistfully.

“I’d never grown to hate you,” Magnus tries and his boyfriend smiles at him sadly.

“I just have a bad feeling about this,” Alec confesses “this company… how do you even know it’s real?”

“You think my father could lie?” Magnus can’t help the defensive sound of his tone. “Of course it’s real, why would he do that?”

Something snaps in Alec’s eyes, a spark appears, like it always does when he comes up with an idea.

“He wants to break us apart,” He says suddenly. Magnus lets out an exasperated sigh.

“Alec…”

“No, but really. He’s been trying to do this from the start, planting all of these doubts and now-“ Alec speaks desperately, but Magnus interrupts his ridiculous train of thoughts.

“Why would he do that, Alec? It doesn’t make sense,” He urges.

“I don’t know why, but Magnus-“

“Exactly, you don’t know, so stop.” Magnus’ voice grows in volume again. “It’s all assumptions, based on your instincts. No serious proves. Why can you just accept that he’s trying to do something nice? He’s trying to help me.”

“By putting you up for this ludicrous choice?” Alec asks bluntly.

“It’s just an inconvenience,” Magnus retorts.

“I’m an inconvenience?”

“No, I didn’t mean that-“ Magnus shakes his head immediately. This came out wrong, he sees it now.

“It sure as hell sounded like that. Go ahead, if I’m such a nuisance then move to Philly, two birds at one stone, right? You get a dream job and you’ll be far away from me. Isn’t that what you want?” Alec sounds on the verge of tears now. God, Magnus hates to see him cry, the more be the reason of his tears.

“Darling…” He starts but is not sure what to say.

“I shouldn’t stand in your way, right?” Alec says then. “It’s not what a loving boyfriend does.”

“Alec, please stop-“

“What do you want, Magnus?”

_Too many things. You, the job… everything_. But he can’t have both.

“Let’s just go to Philly for the weekend,” He tries and Alec throws him a confused gaze “my father offered it. We’ll see everything for our own eyes and maybe it will make things easier to decide.”

“It isn’t for making you decide, he wants to convince you,” Alec retorts.

“Oh my God, can you stop being so oppressed to literally anything that involves my father?” Magnus snaps yet again. He’s sick of Alec treating him like he’s some danger, the bad guy. This isn’t fair.

“I can’t go anyway. I have meetings the whole weekend, sorry.” He doesn’t sound apologetic and Magnus decides to point that out.

“You’re really going to be so bitter?”

“I’m telling you the truth, it’s a crucial phase I have to be there,” Alec replies firmly.

“Well, my father can’t wait with that.” Magnus points out.

“Great, then you should go. You can’t keep your father waiting, right?” His tone is dripping in irony. He looks at Magnus for a while longer before moving to exit the kitchen, but instead of going to the living room or the bedroom, Magnus is surprised to see him heading for the door.

“Where are you going?” He demands.

“For a run,” Alec answers shortly.

“I think we should talk some more about this-“

“I don’t want to talk,” Alec doesn’t even stop to look at him “not now.”

And with that, he basically shuts the door in Magnus’ face.

It couldn’t really go worse.

Magnus sighs and gets back to the living room to drop heavily on the couch. It’s a situation, where one of them ends up unhappy. But why does he always have to be the one to end like this? At the same time, he doesn’t want Alec to end up like this.

God, he really hates it.

Today has been too much. In literally every way. They both need to cool out, but even if they do, it doesn’t fix any problems.

Magnus is not sure when he dozed off, but the next thing he knows is that when he opens his eyes it’s already dark and there’s a hand on his shoulder shaking him awake. He blinks a few times to adjust to the darkness, but he’d always be able to recognize his boyfriend’s from, even in the dark.

“Come to bed,” Alec says when he’s sure Magnus is awake enough to receive some statements “you’ll be uncomfortable if you stay here all night.”

Magnus groans as he sits up on the couch, already feeling the ache beginning to pulse in his lower back from the weird position he must have fallen asleep in. He gladly takes Alec’s offered hand and his boyfriend pulls him back to his feet.

“When did you get back?” Magnus asks and lets out a yawn.

“A while ago,” Alec answers briefly and steers them to the bedroom.

None of them seems in the mood to talk, as if scared that somehow the conversation is going to bounce back to their heated argument earlier. They just undress and climb under the covers, both laying down on their respective sides.

Alec glances at him cautiously, but Magnus doesn’t hesitate to open his arms in an inviting gesture. Alec doesn’t exactly smile, but there’s something more joyful about his expression when he moves to settle in Magnus’ embrace. He buries himself deep into the hug, soaking up the heat, but Magnus doesn’t mind. Instead, he may be clinging onto him a bit too hard from where he encloses his arms around his boyfriend. Turning his head he inhales deeply, breathing in his favourite scent of Alec and kissing the top of his head.

In the end, they always fall asleep in the same bed, together.

Magnus counts that as a win.

They don’t talk a lot the next following days. Alec is mostly out at meetings and when he’s home he’s either studying for exams or supervising the course of the trial. Magnus is busy himself too. Raphael is still being demanding and they’ve started carrying out the interviews for new employees, so that’s yet another stressful part since they don’t seem to agree at all. It’s tiring.

Magnus hasn’t told anyone about his father’s offer yet. Not when It’s still nothing sure. He hopes that after the weekend everything is going to clear up and he’ll be able to forward the news to everyone, whatever he decides.

As promised, Asmodeus settles everything. He’ll pick Magnus up Friday morning from his apartment and they’ll set on the way.

When he wakes up on said Friday morning, the bed is empty. Alec knows he’s leaving today, so he can’t help the wave of disappointment, because he won’t be able to see his boyfriend for the next two days. Sighing, he gets up and checks the time. He’s still got a bit of time before his father arrives, his bag is already packed so he dresses up and moves to the kitchen, where he finds a pleasant surprise.

Alec is leaning back on the counter, a cup of coffee in his hands and another one settled next to him. His expression is kind of absent, eyes empty like he’s deep in thoughts, but Magnus can’t really tell what he’s thinking about. He realises, that recently he rarely does.

“Morning,” He says tentatively and Alec turns to him with a small smile, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. Magnus somehow can’t bring himself up for some cheerful attitude.

“Hi,” Alec greets in a soft tone and points with his head to the counter “I made you coffee.”

“Thanks,” Magnus moves closer to him and picks up the mug to take a sip. As always, it’s perfect.

For a moment they both stand in silence, just drinking their coffees, but Magnus feels like it takes more time than they’ve spent together for the last two days. It’s nice, even if the atmosphere is kind of blue.

“When will you be back?” Alec prompts then, his sight fixed in his coffee cup.

“Sunday afternoon or evening,” Magnus replies and Alec nods slowly in acknowledgement.

“Can you like, give me the address where you’ll be staying? Just in case, I’d prefer to know where you are.” Alec says then a bit hesitantly.

“Sure thing, darling,” Magnus assures him with a soothing smile “I’ll be staying at my father’s apartment that he’s already rented there. I’ll let you know.”

“Okay.”

Just then, Magnus’ phone buzzes in his pocket. He pulls it out to see a message from his father, saying that he’ll be here in a moment. Well, a bit earlier, but Magnus is ready.

Almost.

Alec looks at him as if he already knows what the text said, he tries to give him a reassuring smile but fades yet again.

“Let me know when you get there?” He says instead and Magnus instantly nods.

“Of course,” He confirms again. He takes him in for a moment and opens his arms “come here.”

Alec doesn’t waste a second, clinging onto him tightly, hiding his head in his neck. Magnus knows, that it’s not only the fact that he’s leaving. It’s been so weird between them recently, that he’s pretty sure the both of them are done with it. They just want to go back to normal, whatever that means.

“I love you so much,” Magnus whispers and kisses the side of Alec’s head gently. His boyfriend nods and pulls back lightly, to look him in the eyes.

“I love you too,” He replies and leans in to kiss him, lingering against his lips, as if trying to kiss him in advance of the next days and as a pact of making up for the recent lost days.

“Be careful, okay?” Alec pleads when he pulls back and hugs him even tighter.

“I will be, I promise,” Magnus returns the embrace “I have to go.” He whispers, as if not wanting to ruin the moment.

Alec nods and Magnus is pretty sure he can hear him sniffle before he pulls back. He tries to hide all of the real feelings behind a smile yet again. Magnus doesn’t like it.

When they finally let go of each other, Magnus moves to grab his bag and gives Alec one last look, already missing him.

“Love you, stay safe,” Alec calls out as he moves to the door.

“Love you too,” Magnus replies and with a heavy heart leaves the apartment.

As the door falls shut behind him, he feels this incredible emptiness that only one person can fill. The person that’s behind said door.

Asmodeus smiles as he sees Magnus approaching the car, but he himself can’t manage more than a little quirk of lips. He throws his bag into the trunk as he reaches the car and with a heavy sigh climbs into the passenger’s side next to his father.

“Is Alexander joining us?” The man asks tentatively.

“No,” Magnus shakes his head as he looks out of the window. He hates leaving with things unsettled. Especially with things concerning Alec.

“Everything okay?” Asmodeus prompts worriedly.

“Yeah, it’s just…” Magnus trails off, not really sure what to say “let’s just not talk about it, okay?” About him, he means.

“Whatever you want.” His father decides and starts the car, setting on the way.

It can still be fixed. Magnus can use this weekend to try to convince his father to give him more time. Alec will graduate here and then, Magnus will try to persuade him to move. There are possibilities, he just has to play this right.

But that won’t mean forcing Alec to do something he doesn’t want. It’s so tedious that even thinking about it tires Magnus out. He needs to cut off these thoughts, focus on the potential fun weekend with his father.

Well, easier said than done, since Alec is someone who’s constantly occupying his thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I want to know all of your thoughts and theories, as always 💕  
So... Do you think Alec and Magnus should move? Are Alec's suspicions towards Asmodeus right? What decision is Magnus going to make eventually? I guess we'll see 😉 Let me know what you think and I'll see you next week with another chapter!


	25. The Battles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec tries to gather up his thoughts and focus on tasks at hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!  
So I hope today's chapter clears out at least a bit of the mystery. Thank you for all of the comments on the last chapter, it was really great to see your reactions, as always. I'm very grateful for all of the support!  
Also, I'm setting the chapters count today... 34, so a bit longer than the first part. There's still a lot to come, but the fic is already outlined and I don't think much will change so I'm sticking with 34! Hope you'll continue to enjoy them!  
A bit of a sad chapter today, but that's how it goes now. 
> 
> Enjoy the read!

As he hears the click of the front door getting shut, Alec lets the tears fall.

He hates it. Feels helpless that he can’t do anything about it. But this whole thing is ridiculous and he wishes he could make Magnus see this.

But yet again, he’s losing against Asmodeus.

Alec has no idea how this happened that his boyfriend established such a close relationship with his father. In his opinion, it all progressed way too fast, and he can’t help but feel hurt because of it. It’s not that Magnus didn’t trust him from the start… but wasn’t it kind of what happened? Alec recalls the fact that he didn’t tell him about Camille until he had basically forced to… that was a painful hit, but they left it all behind.

What they’re facing now is more serious.

From the start, Alec has felt suspicious about Asmodeus, and from the start, the man tried to ruin things between him and Magnus. True, Alec might not know his reasons, but it’s enough to see right through him. If he had Magnus’ best interest at heart, he wouldn’t try to break them apart.

It’s so frustrating not to know, what Asmodeus is hiding. But Alec’s sure there’s something he’s not telling Magnus. There has to be because this job offer is too good to be true. Magnus would work with him, without Alec anywhere in the picture, so Asmodeus would have him all to himself. For what? Alec doesn’t know and that pisses him off.

But now, he’s just exhausted and he lets his feelings slide. Things between him and Magnus have been weird, different than ever and he hates it. He can’t tell what his boyfriend is thinking, how seriously he is considering leaving him behind. It hurts, because one of them, or both of them, is going to end up unhappy with any solution. Someone will have to sacrifice.

The sob that Alec lets out sounds incredibly loud in the empty apartment. He hates not having Magnus here. It’s not that he doesn’t feel like it’s his home, used to feel like it, but that was long ago Without Magnus it just feels different. It feels lonely.

It’s only a few days, he tells himself as he tries to calm down, running a hand over his face to wipe the tears.

But then what? Magnus is gonna come back, possibly more eager to take on this job. They will probably fight again and after the recent one Alec feels that he stands no chances against Asmodeus, so eventually, Magnus is going to leave for good.

They will try, but in the end, the distance will be too much to handle, Magnus will find someone better, as he should have from the start. It won’t even be that difficult for him since he’s an amazing person. Then he’s going to forget about Alec, while he’ll still be here, stuck in place.

This vision is incredibly heart-breaking and Alec tries to dismiss it… but what if it really happens?

_No_, Alec shakes his head. Magnus loves him and he wouldn’t just leave. They can figure this out. He’ll go to the end of the world if it means he gets to keep Magnus.

But just not now.

Too many things require him to be here. He has his plans and his dreams too. Some of them he’s been trying to implement for very long. He can’t just give up on them in one second.

What kind of deal is it anyway? Asmodeus proposes the offer and it all needs to be executed right away? He needs Magnus immediately? He for sure thought it through, that precisely to make the most damage, Alec can feel it.

They’ve been through a lot, but this feels the worst so far.

As composed as he can be now, Alec finally moves out of the kitchen to prepare for his day. He does have a lot to do and he knows he can’t let down the people he’s fighting for because of his relationship drama.

He doesn’t feel like fighting today. It’s been too many battles recently and it seems that now even Magnus is a part of one. He’s sick of everything becoming a fight in his life. For justice, for love, for what’s right.

But he’s never been a quitter and as difficult as it feels right now, he knows he has to push to win at least one of those battles.

There’s been a lot of moments during this whole case process when Alec was cursing his mother for being too observant. Today, it’s yet another one of those moments.

And yes, he has to admit that he’s a bit absent. He can’t help it, his thoughts are still coursing around Magnus and the fact that he won’t be home when he gets back there today. The fact that these may be the last moments when the loft is still his and Magnus’ home. The fact that after those two days everything may change.

Maryse keeps stealing worried glances at him during the whole meeting they hold at her apartment. She’s been looking at him so many times that Josh must have noticed something is not right too. Alec isn’t planning on telling any of them what’s going on between him and Magnus now. It’s all way too unsteady and maybe, just a tiny bit of Alec still hopes, maybe everything can still go back to normal when his boyfriend returns.

_Foolish thinking_.

Alec doesn’t realise when Maryse has stopped talking and only when Josh moves from the table, he grasps that he hasn’t been listening at all for the last few minutes. He shakes his head, trying to get himself together, as Josh says his goodbyes, probably getting that Maryse wants to have a talk with her son alone.

Alec is getting ready for the lecture that he should be more alert, but it doesn’t come.

“Son, what’s going on?” Maryse moves to the chair next to him, instead of in front of and takes his hand gently. “You’ve been totally somewhere else today.”

Alec sighs and can’t really look at her while he speaks.

“I guess I’m just stressed. We’re almost at the end but at the same time… there’s still a lot to come,” this isn’t even a lie, he’s strained with the case too, it’s just dimed with other reasons now.

“Are you sure that’s all?” Maryse doesn’t’ appear to be convinced as she keeps inspecting him with concern. Alec finally decides to look at her but knows his smile is not very conclusive. Still, he tries.

“Yeah, I’ll be fine.”

“Everything okay between you and Magnus?”

Damn his mother for being able to assume what is on his mind so quickly. He nods curtly, trying to dismiss her worries once more.

“We’re fine,” He nearly winces when the words come out. Maryse doesn’t miss it since she frowns up at him “just some typical problems.” He attempts to clarify.

“What does that mean?” His mother asks, but not unkindly, still truly disturbed.

“Nothing,” Alec exhales heavily “seriously mom, everything is fine. I’m just tired and stressed, that’s all.”

“Maybe we can reschedule some meetings-“ Maryse tries to suggest, but Alec shakes his head.

“No, it’s okay. I can handle it,” He actually needs to be occupied now, not to think about the obvious.

“Alright, but if you feel like it’s too much, no one will mind if you skip some meetings,” His mom states reassuringly and Alec nods. He does appreciate her concern, but the things that came crashing on him now… he needs to deal with it on his own.

“Thanks, mom.”

Maryse smiles and brings his arms around him to hug him. He feels a bit like a little boy again. Back then he used to think that his mother’s embrace would shield him from everything bad in the world. It’s truly sad it doesn’t work like that. But still, the gesture is soothing and so, so caring. It feels nice.

Alec didn’t even realise how much he’s needed that.

The only silver lining about today is that half of Alec’s classes got cancelled, so after school, he has time to return home and get some rest before heading to Starkweather’s to work.

On the other hand, more free time will make him only think more about Magnus.

So actually, it’s both a blessing and a curse.

Lydia, of course, noticed his weird behaviour too. It’s not that he tries to hide that he’s upset, even if he did, he’d probably be doing a terrible job at it. Alec tries to dismiss his friend’s worries, same as he did with Maryse, but deep down he knows, that none of them is buying it. Fortunately, they don’t push.

Either way, he returns home with the thought of just switching off and blocking his emotions. It’s all becoming too much and he’s not sure how to manage this yet. Relax first, then he’ll think.

But almost as soon as he enters the loft, his phone begins to ring. Alec considers just switching it off since he really doesn’t feel like talking to anybody, but also Magnus sends him updates about what he’s up to with his father, and it would be irresponsible of him not to check his messages out. He’d be too worried, so he rejects the idea. Pulling out his phone he frowns as he sees Dot’s name at the screen. He decides to pick up.

“Hello?”

“Hi, Alec” the woman starts kindly as always. Maybe Alec didn’t have a lot of chances to speak with Dot, but the times he did, he was always amazed by her positive outlook. He can’t even recall any time she might have been angry, or irate. Once introducing her to Alec, or just telling him about her, Magnus said that she’s truly an angelic soul. Alec can see that now for himself “so Magnus wasn’t at work today. I mean, he called me that he’s taking a day off, but didn’t really give any valid reason… and to be honest he sounded pretty weird.”

Alec sighs heavily. Of course, Magnus didn’t give her a reason. They would probably all feel kind of betrayed if the found out Magnus is considering another job offer. Of course, they would be happy for him in the end, but Alec is aware of how bonded they became after the years of working together. It’s always difficult to let go of a great co-worker, the more an amazing friend.

Unfortunately, Magnus doesn’t seem to think that way.

“So I guess I just wanted to know if you guys are okay?” Dot continues after a slight pause. “I don’t mean to pry or anything, I’m just a bit concerned, that’s all.” She adds cautiously.

Alec appreciates her concern. It just proves his point that Magnus is a crucial part of Alicante, but also the fact that he has great and caring friends there.

“We’re fine. He just has some things he needs to take care of today,” Alec replies. He’s not going to be that bitter to expose his boyfriend in front of his colleague.

“Oh, alright,” Dot answers but doesn’t sound persuaded by his response. Well, no one does today “are you sure, you sound weird too.”

“I’m sure. Everything’s good. Thanks for the care, Dot,” Alec adds but knows that his voice lacks the reassuring note.

Luckily, Dot lets go after that. They exchange quick goodbyes and Alec hangs up with yet another wave of sorrow hitting him today.

Maybe he should just go and take a nap? It’s wishful thinking that it may help, but it’s better than staying awake and replaying his conversation with Magnus in his head for like the hundredth time.

He drops heavily on the couch, not even bothering to change into some more comfortable clothes. It feels incredibly odd here without Magnus. Of course, Alec has spent countless minutes here without his boyfriend, but what is different today, is the fact that Magnus won’t return at the end of the day. It’s an incredibly miserable thought. Because no matter how mad they may be at each other, how upset, they always end the day together.

Well, not tonight.

And it’s even worse because of their unresolved issues. Alec just can’t make his brain stop bringing them up.

He sets his alarm, giving himself an hour of rest before he’ll need to go out. Then throws it on the coffee table and tries to settle more comfortable, wishing for sleep to come soon and cut him out from his thoughts.

But of course, apparently, he doesn’t deserve a nice nap and the universe hates him today, since now instead of his phone, the sound of the doorbell sounds through the apartment.

With a groan, Alec raises from the couch and angrily marches towards the door. He debates briefly on just ignoring it, but if it’s some insistent advertiser they may not go away so soon. And Alec begins to really hate the sound of this doorbell.

Much to his surprise, and annoyance, he finds himself face to face with his siblings.

For a moment they stare at each other, with Alec clearly taken aback by their appearance and forgetting to actually let them in.

“What are you doing here?” He asks as his gaze switches back and forth from his sister to his brother.

“Well hello, big brother. We came to check on you,” Isabelle informs as she moves past him to enter the apartment, Jace following suite. “Mom said you were acting weird today, same with Lydia, so we decided to-“ Izzy stops her explanation as she twirls in place when she gets to the living room. “where’s Magnus?”

Jace glances at Alec equally confused and he feels himself shrink under their inquisitive looks. For the thousandth time today, he lets out a heavy exhale and drops his gaze, not able to bare theirs.

“Alec, what’s going on?” Jace asks then and even he doesn’t manage to cover up the worry in his tone. Alec feels his brother’s palm coming to rest on his shoulder reassuringly.

“It’s kind of a long story, guys,” Alec decides on that but knows it’s not enough for them. As he looks back at his sister, all of her good spirits seem to vanish replaced by pure worry and alarm. She comes closer to him and takes his hand. Then looks at Jace, as if reaching some silent agreement with him. Smiling softly and encouragingly squeezing his hand, she says:

“We have a lot of time.”

Both Izzy and Jace refuse anything to drink when Alec offers, both too anxious to hear what’s going on. But Alec can’t help to drag it the longest he can, because he doesn’t want to talk, would prefer to let the situation cool out and just figure it out with Magnus. There’s no need to drop this all on his siblings.

But they came here worried for him, and he guesses that they do deserve an explanation.

They settle in the living room, Alec and Jace on the couch with Izzy in the armchair in front of them. His siblings just continue to observe him, but don’t push, clearly giving him all the time he needs to start.

“Magnus got a job offer,” He begins eventually and receives nods from his brother and sister “from his father.”

As if on cue both Izzy and Jace frown at the mention of Asmodeus, some judging lines appearing on their faces. At least his siblings see what he sees about this man.

They don’t say anything, waiting for him to go on.

“Turns out he’s been working on this amazing company, that will produce medicine and maybe even discover a cure for cancer in the future and he wants Magnus to be his partner.” He himself can hear the bitter note in his tone.

“So?” Jace says and Izzy throws him a glare to which he shrugs. “I mean, it’s just a job.”

“Yeah, it would be just a job, if the company wasn’t located in Philadelphia,” Alec explains furthermore and Jace’s eyes widen in understanding but also disbelief. Same with Izzy.

Then there’s a moment of silence as if everyone is trying to take in the information. Even Alec, because it all feels so surreal for him.

“And he’s considering it? Like for real?” Izzy questions then, not able to hide the shock in her tone. Alec nods sadly.

“You’re moving to Philly?” Jace asks then with pure sorrow in his voice. Alec can barely handle this, the more if he would really have to say goodbye to them if he moved.

“I don’t know, but I don’t want to,” He confesses.

“But you’re gonna graduate here, right? That’s what you wanted, so there’s still time to figure this out-“ Izzy tries hopefully, but Alec shakes his head.

“That’s the thing,” He starts “apparently, Magnus is needed there like right now, so no, there’s no time. He’s currently in Philadelphia with his father, checking out the company and stuff. That’s why he’s not here.” He finishes up.

“Wait, so he already decided?” Come’s Jace’s upset voice. “I can’t believe that what a son of a-“

“No, he hasn’t decided,” Alec cuts in before he gets to finish “at least I think so.” He adds in a lower tone.

“You fought about it?” His sister half sates, half asks. Alec nods either way.

“We kinda did,” He speaks a bit hesitantly “ever since he told me about it it’s just… weird between us. I mean, it’s obvious that it’s a big chance for him, but I don’t want to move. Especially not now. There’s also the fact that I don’t trust his father and this whole idea.”

“What do you mean?” Jace inquires gently.

“That this whole thing is too good to be true. Magnus complains to his dad about how rough it is at work and suddenly he comes up with this amazing solution of him becoming his own boss and running this company with him. I might be exaggerating and making it bigger than it is, but something just feels suspicious about it and I can’t make Magnus see it.” He can feel the frustration clinging onto his tone.

“Maybe you need to talk some more-“ His brother efforts, but not, that’s really not the case here.

“I tried,” Alec says resignedly “I did, really and I just-, I can’t.” He might have walked away from the last fight, but only when he saw that he’s going to lose, so there was no point.

His siblings look at him sadly, clearly as puzzled and upset about this situation as him. He’s glad for the lack of comments that everything is going to be okay, because honestly? Things do not look like they could be okay anytime soon now.

“What are you going to do?” Izzy asks tentatively after a while, Alec just shrugs.

“I don’t want to move,” He repeats “but also I… I can’t live without him. I can’t imagine not having him near. He’s not even gone for a day and I’m already a mess. I can’t lose him.” His voice breaks towards the end, a lump forming in his throat.

Izzy moves to sit at the other side of him on the couch and brings her arm around him, Jace mirroring her gesture from the other side, and soon Alec finds himself engulfed in a hug. It brings some comfort but also makes him just want to cry it all out. And that’s saying a lot because he’s never been a fan of crying in front of his siblings. But somehow, he can’t stop the tears now.

“Hey,” Izzy starts softly then “I know that it all seems pretty bad now but remember that it’s Magnus. He loves you, he could never leave you.”

“No, Izzy. You didn’t hear the way he spoke about it, he trusts his father with no boundaries and he kept saying that it’s his chance. Even if he stays, eventually he will hate me for taking it away from him.”

“He could never hate you,” Jace comments aptly. Magnus did say it, but it’s not enough to reassure him now “even if he leaves, I’m sure you can handle long distance. There’s nothing you can’t work out-“

“Jace,” there’s a warning in Isabelle’s tone as she turns to him with a glare. Then she returns her attention to Alec again “no one’s leaving.” She assures him. “Neither you or Magnus.”

“You can’t know that,” Alec looks at her with teary eyes “I’m so scared he’ll leave me,” He confesses, probably for the first time thinking about it so openly and he can basically feel his heart cracking, slowly shuttering into pieces “I’ve always known I’m not enough for him, but I stupidly thought that maybe I could be-“

“Hey, stop. You’re way more than enough,” Jace interrupts firmly “don’t ever think otherwise.”

“Jace is right,” Isabelle agrees “you’re amazing, big brother.”

He appreciates their words, but they don’t really help. Maybe he is amazing, perhaps just not for Magnus.

“I don’t know what to do. I feel so helpless,” He says with a sniffle “I hate feeling like this.”

Izzy and Jace rub his shoulder reassuringly as he continues to cry.

“No matter what happens,” Jace begins then, his tone soft but yet firm enough to be taken seriously “we’ll stand by you. Always.”

“We will,” Isabelle upholds.

Alec nearly smiles at their supporting words. It’s sad that this kind of moments bring them even closer together, but there’s also something beautiful about it. He can’t help but recall Maryse’s worried posture as she spoke to him today, Lydia’s gentle questions if everything’s okay, now Jace and Izzy coming here only because they heard he was acting odd. How could he just cut it off? How could he leave them and not return the favour? He’s their big brother, friend, son. Family is one of the most important things to him.

His family, that apparently Magnus doesn’t consider theirs. No matter how hard all of them tried to make him feel welcomed, knowing that his own experiences with family weren’t too blissful. Something must have gone wrong but Alec still can't believe, doesn’t want to believe Magnus was speaking seriously back then.

This memory brings another wave of tears to his eyes.

He’s not sure how long the three of them spent pressed together on the couch, but sometime after the last words have been spoken, Alec’s phone beeps from the coffee table. Right, his alarm. He needs to get going to work.

“I have to get to work,” He untangles himself from their siblings’ embrace and runs a hand over his face to get rid of the residues of the tears. He leans in to snatch his phone and turn it off.

“Do you really have to?” His brother asks.

He should.

“Come on, call and tell them you can come tomorrow. Today, we’re going to stay here with you, watch some stupid movies and keep you company.” Izzy states in this special tone that she uses to convince Alec to something. This is actually a tempting offer, with his siblings around him he probably would be able to relax and not think too much.

“Izzy’s right,” Jace supports the suggestion. He grabs Alec’s phone and pulls it out towards him “come on, I think we all need this. You’ll be pretty useless there today, let’s face it.” He adds teasingly and Alec chuckles lightly, to which all of them seem to brighten up.

“Okay,” He agrees and hears his sister’s excited squeal. He takes the phone and gets up to make the call.

He picks Underhill’s number since he doesn’t have Starkweather’s. This will have to do.

“Hi, it’s Alec,” He starts when the other man picks up.

“Oh, hi Alec. What’s up?” Underhill sounds a bit surprised to hear him, but Alec can feel a smile in his tone.

“Could you tell Starkweather that I won’t come in today,” He informs simply “I can do tomorrow morning instead.” He offers. Some work may be good for him then, after a nice evening with his siblings.

“Sure, no problem,” Underhill replies simply “Everything okay though?”

“Yeah, I just need some rest. I had a rough day,” Alec states with an exhale.

“Alright, I’ll make sure to pass it to the boss. Take care, Alec.”

“Thank you,” He answers gratefully and hangs up. When he turns back to his siblings, Izzy is patting the spot on the couch between her and Jace, while his brother is already choosing some movie.

Alec settles between them, with Izzy instantly coming to his side and snuggling as they start watching whatever Jace decided to put on. Alec is not worried, they know him too much to choose something enjoyable for all.

“Should we like… get some ice cream or something?” Jace questions shyly.

“No one’s breaking up, Jace,” Izzy nearly growls at their brother and throws a pillow at him “I swear to God, you lack any sense of tact.” She shakes her head.

“I said or something!” Jace tries to deflect, but Alec begins to laugh and soon, all of them burst out laughing softly.

Alec admits, that it’s something he really needs right now. With Jace and Izzy, everything feels just a tiny bit better and he can forget about the mess around him, at least for a while.

They end up falling asleep on the couch, and it isn’t comfortable for one person, the more three. But Alec wouldn’t change a thing. His siblings provided some much-needed comfort last night and he’s not even able to express how thankful he is for them coming here. Still, nothing is fixed, everything’s a mess, but Alec feels a bit lighter when he wakes up. He thanks Izzy and Jace yet again, which they easily wave off, just ask him if he’s sure he wants to go to work today. They don’t seem to be any less worried, probably more than aware they none of them is actually able to work any wonders with this situation. Alec just says that he’s going to handle it and update them on what’s going on. After some tight hugs, Isabelle and Jace leave the apartment and not longer while later, Alec does too to get to the law firm.

Underhill also works Saturday mornings sometimes, and Alec spots him as he enters the building. That’s nice since he won’t be alone. Saturdays are usually slow here so they just do some work that’s been laying around and waiting to be done when there are more important things on top.

Alec greets the other intern, but before he settles at his typical spot, the boss approaches their little room.

“Alec, could you meet me in my office in 5 minutes?” He asks as he pops into the room quickly, possibly on the way to said office.

“Sure, I’ll be there,” Alec replies, even if it doesn’t feel like a nice perspective.

He might have been not too reliable recently when it comes to this internship, Alec is aware of that. He should put more effort into it, because he really may have a chance to get a job here if he was only trying harder. Starkweather is probably going to scold him for not showing up yesterday and for missing some hours a few weeks ago after the Raj situation.

Well, Alec should have been more prepared for that. His boss has been more than patient and understanding with him, it’s gotta end one day.

He just really wishes it wasn’t today, because he’s got way too much on his plate already.

Alec closes his eyes briefly and lets out a long breath.

“I’m sure it’s nothing serious,” Underhill tries to cheer him up. Alec glances at him unimpressed.

“I’ve been missing hours too much recently, I have to face the consequences,” He just says.

“Dude, he’s not going to fire you, Starkweather adores you,” The other man states and Alec shakes his head.

“I guess we’ll see.” After these words, he sets on his way to the office.

When exactly five minutes have passed, Alec gently knocks on the door and after receiving an invitation, comes it.

Starkweather stands by the big ceiling to floor window, overlooking the city, but as Alec emerges into the room fully, he turns and gestures towards his desk.

“Come in, take a seat,” He offers, moving to settle opposite Alec when he unsurely sits in the chair.

His boss doesn’t say anything for a long while, so Alec decides that maybe he should start.

“If this is about yesterday then I’m sorry-“

“Ah, don’t worry about it. Everyone needs some rest once in a while,” Starkweather dismisses him easily. Alec tries for his surprise not to show on his face “Besides, you’re here now, aren’t you? It makes up for it.”

Alec nods because he guesses there is a logic in that. Still, today is just one hour, he won’t be able to make up for all of the ones he’s missed. Maybe it’s time to say goodbye to this internship?

But is Starkweather didn’t call him here to point out his recent slip-ups, then what for?

“I actually wanted to ask how’s the case you’re working on going?” With his next words, the boss makes clear the reason for Alec’s summoning.

Well, Alec wasn’t quite expecting this question, but it’s better than the reason he came here thinking of.

“It’s going good,” He answers eventually, “I think we’re heading towards the end. Slowly, but surely.”

“And the odds are on your side?”

“Definitely, yes.”

Starkweather nods and lets a warm smile overcome his face, Alec slowly mirrors it.

“Well, that’s great. Congratulations are in order, I guess,” The boss states then.

“We haven’t won yet. Better no jinx it,” Alec speaks, half-jokingly.

“That’s true,” Starkweather agrees with a chuckle “still, my position hasn’t changed. If you need some advice, I’m here.”

“I know, thank you,” Alec replies and then ponders if he should bring up his recent doubts. Hesitantly, he starts “I actually may have one question.”

“Shoot it,” The boss allows easily.

“I mean, it’s not actually a question…” Alec tries to form his words somehow “recently I just feel kind of… unmotivated. I feel like I’m losing the will to fight and it’s frustrating, because we may be heading towards the end, but it’s still a crucial part.”

Starkweather nods along with his words, listening carefully as he explains his worries. When he’s done, the man rests his elbows on the desk and leans in a bit closer.

“It’s a common thing, to feel like this,” He begins “what’s important in those moments of doubts, is to try to remind yourself why you took on this case in the first place.”

Alec nods at his words, already trying to recall his reasons.

“So, why did you?” The boss questions. Alec wasn’t aware he’s supposed to state them at loud, but he guesses it’s how this exercise is supposed to go.

“To put a sexual predator in his place. Prison, that is,” He answers “so he won’t hurt more people. To get justice for what happened.”

“Exactly,” Starkweather says “so you’re doing this for the people, to minimalize the risk of someone getting hurt, for someone not to ever be in a similar situation to your client. That’s what matters, for him to be punished. That’s when justice is done, that’s where you’re headed. And let me tell you something that may be kind of sad, but also very true. What you’re doing, is fighting a battle, every case is somehow a battle. And you’re going to win this one, which is amazing. But it’s only one battle, while there’s still a war going on. Unfortunately, the world is full of people like this one that you’re putting in jail. But if you keep this going, if you manage to lead this to an end, then it’s your win. And if you repeat it, again and again, then let’s hope one day we will be able to win this war. Of course, there are going to be lost battles along the way, but when it happens, come back to the won ones. See how much good you’ve already done.”

Alec takes in his words and finds them incredibly truthful, but also helpful now. He’s come so far already and he just can’t give up right now. No matter what’s happening in his personal life, this is bigger than him. This is a fight, a battle that he just can’t lose. That he won’t lose.

Hopefully, he won’t collect a lot of the lost ones in the future, but he’s not stupid, knows it’s inevitable.

And the day he’s going to lose, he’ll come back to this day and remember these words. He’ll remind himself how he won, not only for Josh but also for himself.

“Thank you,” His voice sounds incredibly small when he speaks, but Starkweather doesn’t comment on it “that actually helps.”

“I’m glad,” The boss smiles “now, get to work.” He adds, but not in an ordering tone, more teasing. “Here,” He reaches out across the desk to pass Alec some file “I need you to scan these and put them into our database. Then send them to the Philadelphia Police Department.”

Alec has already begun looking over the documents, but the mention of Philadelphia pulls him back from his task. God, even at work he can’t run away from it.

“Why Philadelphia?” He asks curiously.

Starkweather sighs, but not annoyed, or at least not at Alec. He leans back into his chair, a gesture Alec can already recognize he does when he’s about to explain something rather complicated.

“It’s an interesting case actually,” He begins with a hint of inspired note in his voice “a drug lord, good one. He’s been hiding from the police for a quite a while. Constantly changes his locations to avoid getting caught. He was already set in Boston, New Jersey, some other cities, I can’t recall now. There are some serious suspicions that Philadelphia may be next. Some of his associates were seen there. So the police needs all we’ve got on this case, it’s not our jurisdiction anymore, but back in the days some of our lawyers led the cases of the associates that NYPD was able to catch. These,” He points at the file in Alec’s hand “are statements and such. This case goes way back so not everything was digitalized then.”

Alec nods slowly, but some disturbing thought is cooking up in his brain. Wasn’t Asmodeus reportedly working in New Jersey before coming here… He’s probably reaching, but now the thing with Philadelphia… can it be a coincidence?

“Do we know anything about the drug lord himself? Does he have like some significant way that he works with that he still hasn’t been caught?” Alec tries to questions casually, but there’s some weird edge to his tone.

“As I can remember he used some companies to cover up the drug production, all bought under a false name and such. They appeared to be totally fine, even hired people who had no idea about what was happening inside, undercover.”

There’s no way in hell it’s a coincidence.

“Any suspects?” Alec asks in a withering tone.

“Some CCTV cameras caught him once I think. But it’s all blurry, pretty useless. There should be a picture there,” Starkweather’s eyes wander to the folder again “all we know is that he’s an Asian male, should be around his forties or fifties now.” 

Alec nearly drops the folder as he scans through the files to find the picture.

It is pretty blurry, but for him, it’s enough. A tall form, black hair falling on broad shoulders, as always a fancy coat, an elegant appearance.

It’s fucking him. Alec can’t help but gasp audibly. Both in shock, fear and whatever is going to come next when this information finally sinks in.

“Why are you asking?” Starkweather asks obliviously. “Is everything okay?”

Alec looks up at his boss with his eyes still wide, not able to clog out a word for a long while, which only begins to worry the man even more.

“Alec-“

“It’s going to sound weird,” Alec starts when he somehow regains his ability to speak “but I think I may know something about the suspect.”

Starkweather frowns at him, but at this moment, Alec doesn’t really care what the man thinks. Even if he may suspect him of working with some organized crime mob. His thoughts begin to circle only one person.

_Magnus_.

If it’s true, and too many things point out for it to be different, if Asmodeus set this whole thing as a cover-up, then Magnus may be in danger. Fuck, there are drugs in there and Alec may not know everything, but he still knows enough. Magnus had been battling an addiction and if his father will force him into something there…

Alec can’t let that happen.

“I have to go,” Alec informs the much confused Starkweather “I’ll explain everything, I promise. But someone I know may be in danger now and I just have to-“

“Alec,” Starkweather stops his rumbling and Alec doesn’t know what that is, has no idea how this man can be that good, but he really seems to believe Alec, so he just says “I trust you. Do what you have to do. But I do expect an explanation.”

“I swear,” Alec gets up hurriedly “thank you. I’ll get these to Underhill.” He shakes the folder in his hand and leaves the office.

He basically runs back to his room and drops the file on Underhill’s desk, already grabbing his staff.

“Underhill, can you please do me a favour,” He doesn’t care how pleading his voice sounds.

“Sure, I-, what’s up?” The man answers a bit startled, but Alec doesn’t have time to dwell on that.

“Can you please scan these and send them to the Philadelphia PD,” he shows him the folder “and to me, send me them too.”

“Yeah, okay.” Underhill grabs the documents “Is everything-“

“I don’t have time to explain, I promise I will later. I have to go now” Alec says hastily. There’s literally no time to waste, not when he doesn’t know what the hell that psychopathic criminal Asmodeus may be up to. “Thank you,” He adds on his way out, not really catching his friend’s reply.

He’s been right all the time. Since the fucking start, he felt there was something off about this man and he was right. Alec will never doubt his instincts ever again, he promises himself now.

But it’s not even that important now. Not when Magnus is there, with him, alone surrounded by drugs that the company must be full of. Or even if not, even if he covers it up before Magnus too, then he will be devastated to find out, because he would never agree to that. This whole thing is a terrible setup and he must let Magnus know.

He picks his boyfriend’s number, but of course, it switches to voicemail. Magnus sent him a text a while ago, saying that he and Asmodeus are going to the company’s building now.

And now he’s not fucking picking up his phone.

_No, no, no, no_. Everything has to be fine. Alec can make it. Fuck it, Philadelphia is just two hours away. He doesn’t need more convincing as he gets into the car.

“Magnus call me back as soon as you get this, please,” He leaves a message either way, even if it’s probably pointless.

Asmodeus will pay for trying to fool them, Alec will make sure of that. As soon as he finds out Magnus is safe and okay.

As he settles in his car, he picks up another number. His brother picks up almost immediately, but Alec doesn’t even let him finish his greeting.

“Jace, I’m going to Philadelphia,” He informs shortly, already starting the car.

“Wait, what? You’re moving-“ Jace sounds shocked and panicked as he speaks.

“No, I just…” Alec sighs “I need to get to Magnus and I can’t reach him. Something happened, I’ll explain later. I just wanted you to know and not to worry.”

“Well, it freaking worries me, Alec. What the hell is going on?” His brother doesn’t back down.

“Magnus may be in danger I just have to get there. I promise I’ll explain later,” He just replies quickly. “Tell Izzy, and don’t worry. I’m okay.”

“You don’t sound okay.”

“I will be, as soon as I find Magnus, alright? Don’t worry, love you.” He hangs up and drops the phone onto the seat next to him. A while later it lights up with an email from Underhill. He’ll need to get through that later too.

Good thing there is a highway in front of him, but it’s not like he’s keeping to speed limits anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I'd love to know all of your thoughts, so feel free to share them in the comments below!  
Asmodeus is a criminal?! Are we shocked? Who knew he was shady from the start? Let's hope Alec will get there on time before anything bad happens...  
Let me know what you think and what your theories are! Thank you so much again and I'll see you next week with another chapter! :)


	26. The True Self

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus enjoys the time with his father until a mess breaks down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello :)  
Here we are, the truth is out about Asmodeus. Are we shocked? I think no. Today's chapter is Magnus' take on the little trip with his father. You'll finally see if Alec made it and if Magnus believes him... WARNINGS are: mentions of drug addiction and hints of an unhealthy coping mechanism. Also, please bear with me since I'm not good at science stuff, so describing a lab totally wasn't my thing and I'm not an expert when it comes to legal stuff too 😂
> 
> Enjoy the read!

The first day in Philadelphia is incredibly fun and lets Magnus forget about his worries. At least for a little while.

His father refuses to go straight to business, so they spend their first day exploring the city, sight-seeing and bonding together. Magnus has to admit, that the city is beautiful, a breath of fresh air that was very much needed for him now.

Still, he wishes Alec was with him.

Magnus constantly keeps catching himself on thinking about his boyfriend. Coming here with things unresolved between them wasn’t his brightest idea, but the morning left Magnus hopeful. They can still fix whatever happened. Tonight, Magnus plans on talking to his father about letting him join the company a bit later. Alec was right when he said they have to compromise, Magnus gets that now. He shouldn’t have pushed when Alec was already willing to reach some accord. He’ll make sure to tell his boyfriend that as soon as he gets back. It’s not a talk they should have over the phone.

After an exciting day, he and Asmodeus settle into some bar that’s located close to his apartment. They’re both pretty tired, but Magnus couldn’t decline an offer for a late-night drink. They’re supposed to go and check out the company tomorrow morning, which he makes sure to put into his text to Alec.

They haven’t been talking a lot, both of them are busy but Magnus takes his time to message his boyfriend once a few hours. He lets him know when they arrive, sends him pictures of the monuments they saw. It’s not a lot and Magnus can’t bring himself to call him yet, but at least it’s something. He might have even overstepped with the amount of time he texted him that he loves him, but he can’t help it. He doesn’t ever want him to doubt it.

Over a few glasses of whiskey, the conversation with Asmodeus flows easily. They talk about everything and nothing, and Magnus feels their bond tightening even more. He tries, but he can’t see anything suspicious about his father. It’s not like he doesn’t consider Alec’s worries, he does, but he just doesn’t find anything distrustful.

“You know,” His father starts when they’re halfway through their second drink “I felt terribly guilty after our first meeting. I’m sorry it took me so long to realise.”

Magnus smiles lightly as he drowns his drink.

“It’s fine. All forgiven now,” He just retorts, sending his father a reassuring expression.

“I just…” Asmodeus chooses to continue “after you told me what happened to your mother… I wanted to fix it, us. And that’s when I came up with the idea of this company. But you know, life gets in the way a lot and…” He trails off “I kind of hope this can be some way to honour her memory, maybe she’ll see how I’ve changed. Back then she’d never considered me a good man but maybe now…”

“I’m sure she’d be able to see it,” Magnus tells him “she always tried to look for the best in people.”

He’s still not sure how everything went down between him and his mother. Back when he was alive, they didn't speak about his father a lot. He was gone, apparently, that’s all Magnus had to know. But people change and deserve seconds chances, that’s what she believed in and that’s what Magnus is going with.

“I don’t want to…” Asmodeus pauses slightly, searching for the right words “ruin, or sadden our little trip, but maybe one day, when you’ll ready, you could tell me some more about her?” He asks hopefully.

About that, Magnus it’s not sure. He’s never felt comfortable speaking about his mom, even with Alec, but maybe it’s time he tried to overcome this boundary.

“Yeah, maybe one day.” He smiles at his father but decides to cut the subject short for now. “Look, father, I’ve been thinking and… I need some more time to join you here. Don’t get me wrong I really want to work with you, but it’s not possible now.”

Asmodeus eyes him precisely for a few seconds, his expression unreadable. He lets out a heavy sigh before speaking.

“Son, I need you here now. This is supposed to be our project-“

“I know, but I can’t leave Alexander like that. In around two months he’ll graduate and-“ He tries, but his father interrupts.

“So it’s just two months, I’m sure you’re going to handle it,” Asmodeus tries to assure him “we live in very modern times, you can talk basically everyday… People have been through worse things.”

At some point, he’s right. But it’s Magnus’ choice, he’s not forced to it. And he would never choose to leave Alexander willingly.

“This is your chance,” Asmodeus states “you can’t take it for granted. I understand that Alexander is important to you, but are you willing to let such an opportunity slide?”

He’d do anything for Alec. But it’s also true that he doesn’t want to waste this chance.

“I’m just asking you for some more time,” Magnus tries either way.

“We’ll see,” Asmodeus doesn’t answer exactly “let’s see how you will like it tomorrow. I’ll try to figure something out, but no promises.”

“Thank you,” That’s the best he’ll get, so Magnus settles on that.

It’s still better than nothing.

Asmodeus’ apartment is nice, still kind of lacking the homey vibe since it’s filled with boxes from where he’s just started getting his things here. Magnus realises that back in New York he hadn’t visited his father’s flat, so he has no idea about his taste when it comes to house decorating. This also doesn’t give an outlook, but who can he blame. There are more important things then setting up your place at first.

He doesn’t really get to admire the bare spaces. When they arrive at his place, it’s late and both of them go straight to beds, thinking about the productive day ahead of them.

Magnus is kind of excited to see what his father set up, possibly meeting his co-workers and getting a chance to see his father at work. He wonders if they have any similar habits, maybe he picked up something he’s still not aware of.

In the morning, Magnus feels relaxed enough to face the day. Asmodeus prepares some quick breakfast because there’s no time to waste and after visiting the company, he wants to show Magnus some more of Philadelphia’s wonders.

During the way, Asmodeus recalls some stories about how the company came to life, tells him more about the process. Magnus listens, but is kind of distracted, since he’s waiting for an answer to a text he’s just sent Alec, saying that they’re headed to check out the building now.

What he got from Asmodeus’ tale, is that it’s settled more at the outskirts of the city, to get away from the crowds and have an easy way to commute. Seems that his father thought everything through.

Eventually, Asmodeus notices that Magnus isn’t paying full attention to him, which he points out, but not in an unpleasant way.

“Maybe you should just switch it off for the rest of the day?” He proposes.

“No, I’m waiting for an answer from Alec. Besides, I promised I would update him,” Magnus states and continues to stare at the screen.

“I’m sure he’ll handle a few hours without you,” Asmodeus assures with a shrug “come on, son. It’s supposed to be our weekend. Just tell your dear Alexander that you’re having fun.”

A response from Alec finally arrives, he’s thanking him for updating him and telling to have fun, Magnus doesn’t feel like it’s genuine anyway. His fingers hover over the keyboard, thinking of something to reply, but eventually, he decides against it.

Alec probably isn’t even interested in what he does, he’s just being polite because that’s how he is.

He silences the phone and puts it into his pocket, much to his father’s approval and content.

The road isn’t too long, Asmodeus must have thought through the location of his own apartment too, so soon enough they arrive. Magnus spots some other factories settled around, but in reasonable distances. You could even say that the building is somehow alienated.

“It’s a very industrial district,” Asmodeus informs him as they leave the car “as you can see probably see. At least there are no people around here to be bothered. Before I got the building, some firm dealing furniture was settled here, so a lot of changes had to be implemented to turn it into a lab. Not everything is ready yet, but it’s more than enough to start working.”

“Let’s see it then,” Magnus forwards with a smile that his father easily mirrors.

From the outside, the building may not appear too inviting. Two storeys, boring grey walls, but Magnus knows that it’s not what matters. When they enter inside, that’s when he becomes amazed.

Asmodeus leads him to the part he assumes may interest him the most, the lab, and it’s… wow.

He’s never complained about Alicante’s supplies and equipment. They were decent, everything updated regularly, but there were times when they had to cut the costs a bit, especially before this collaboration.

Here, everything is so modern and high tech. The newest generation of microscopes, state-of-the-art chemical equipment… Magnus already wants to live here.

The lab is big, spacious. Three rows of long tables settled in the room, all set with a microscope, and all the needed gear within arm’s reach. There are whiteboards at the front of the room, probably to explain some chemical structures, a few of them are still covered, perhaps just hung up. Then there’s a door probably leading to the storage room. Everything is neat and clean, the white countertops almost shining. It’s all feels so inviting.

Magnus touches the tables, feeling their firm, but smooth structure underneath his fingers. He could get used to this.

“So?” Asmodeus prompts, already being able to see his son’s amazement since the pride is evident in his eyes “What do you think?”

Magnus twirls in place one more time, taking in the room as if it was going to disappear, as if it was some dream. He’s never seen a lab like that, it’s wonderful.

“It’s amazing,” Magnus states, not hiding the awe in his tone because it really is.

“I’m glad you like it,” His father says and brings his arm around his shoulders, breathing in “it’s ours.”

Magnus wishes so hard it was true.

Before he gets to voice any protests, he spots that they’re not alone, with two more people entering the room. A woman with long, dark hair, her make-up neatly done, topped with red, almost bloody lips, dressed in a black dress, almost reaching up to her ankles, covered with a lab coat. Next to her stands a man, also wearing the needed clothing, with brown hair and glasses on his nose.

“Son, these are my closest associates,” His father introduces as he leads them towards the new arrivals in the room “Lilith and Rufus. This is my son, Magnus.”

“A pleasure to meet you,” the woman, Lilith, pulls out her hand to shake, a smile gracing her features.

“Likewise,” Magnus answers politely.

“We’ve heard a lot about you,” Rufus adds as Magnus greets him.

“Sadly, we’re not here to chit chat, boss,” Lilith addresses Asmodeus next. She throws a tentative glance at Magnus, before returning her attention to her boss “we need to speak about something. There are some troubles with the shipment.” She eventually declares.

Asmodeus and Lilith seem to communicate only with their eyes for a few short seconds before the man reluctantly nods.

“Excuse me, son,” He squeezes his shoulder as Magnus gives him a reassuring nod and then he walks off with his partners to discuss the mysterious matter.

Magnus takes in the place yet again. God, he’d give up so much to be able to work here.

The question is just how much.

No, he shakes his head. He has to enjoy it now since he’s here. He’ll think about everything else later. He deserves a moment to simply be amazed by this brilliant place.

He walks towards the whiteboard, turning in place to assess the space from upfront. Soon, so many people would be able to work here and do good. This place is adapted to fit at least nine scientists, with everyone having their own workplace. Basically, half more than Alicante can, Magnus can’t help but compare.

As he turns back something catches his eye. The whiteboard on the left is covered with a piece of white material, but some text underneath breaks through the fabric. It’s not enough for Magnus to be able to decipher it, and well, he’s always been a curious man, so he looks around the room once more, as if scared of getting caught, and then pulls at the material to reveal the content. If the team here has already started working on something, maybe Magnus will manage to help somehow.

He steps back to get a clear view. The boards are full of chemical structures and equations. Some of them Magnus doesn’t recognize. Well, he’s aware that he’s got some learning to too, medicine is way different than his speciality, cosmetics. At least he has the basics.

Nonetheless, there are a few he recognises but hasn’t seen them in quite long, so it takes him a while to decode them. When he finally does, he frowns. There has to be some mistake.

One of them is a structure for methadone, the other deoxyephedrine… they are drugs structures. Not only drugs but highly addictive ones. However, his father hired definitely isn’t too good at their job since they write up such stuff here.

Magnus shakes his head in consternation. Then his sight wanders to the storage room’s door. He’s not sure what power pushes him towards them, but right at this moment, he just feels the need to check what’s behind them. To make sure everything is in order here, that’s what he came for, right?

Without much hesitation, he opens the door. Behind, he finds lots of boxes, prepared as if ready to be sent off, but with no actual addresses on them. Magnus’ frown deepens and he reaches to see what’s in the boxes. They’re full of smaller packages and he pulls out one.

A white powder. It could mean anything, but when he sees it, Magnus just knows. He drops the package, too terrified to again be so close to a drug he struggled with back in the days.

He remembers the structure, even the taste, the feeling. And what Magnus sees in the package is amphetamine in it’s finest form.

Is this some kind of a joke?

Magnus’ breath speeds up. How could his father let this happen? This company isn’t supposed to-

Then it hits him.

His father didn’t let anything happen, he’s the one behind it.

No, that can’t be.

The work here is supposed to help, it’s a noble cause, not some mass production of a highly addictive drug. It just can’t be the truth.

But he’s just seen it with his own eyes. The only way to find out is to ask.

With his palms becoming sweaty and still uneven breath, Magnus moves. He’s just going to bluntly bring it up, demand on an explanation because he just has to be wrong.

Before he gets to leave the room in the search of his father, he hears hushed voices and decides that maybe he can take something from this conversation, so he stops.

“Seriously, we need to find a supplier,” Lilith whispers urgently “too much stuff is already laying around here, it’s a high risk.”

“This isn’t New Jersey, dealers are no so easy to find, and our previous ones are already in jail,” Rufus cuts in nonchalantly “but maybe your son can help? He’s here for a reason, right?”

“Yes, but it is not his job,” Asmodeus states firmly in a hushed voice “he has other parts to do. He can’t know yet.”

“I’m just saying, that we need to start selling the merchandise,” Lilith insists.

“Try to look for people,” Asmodeus orders “if you don’t find anyone, I’ll settle this after the weekend.” He declares.

The pair walks away, Lilith still unsatisfied, but she lets go, only offering her boss a heavy sigh as her way of protest.

Magnus feels his world spinning. He must be hallucinating or something because there’s no way in hell his father could lie to him like this. They trust each other, he could never do this to him. They confess in each other, Magnus has just started opening up about his mom. Asmodeus is genuinely interested in his life, he can’t fake that.

But then he’s hit with another thought, about Alec, how he might have been right the whole time.

Fuck, he was right.

It was right in front of Magnus and he didn’t see it. Alec, the person he trusts the most in the world, tried to show him that there’s something wrong and he dismissed him because apparently there were no hard proves.

_Well, here you have your proof_, Magnus, he thinks to himself.

He’s been so stupid, blinded by… by what exactly? By the want to have a father? By the need to have at least some part of his real family at his side?

He was willing to put his life at stake, to put his relationship at stake and all for a fraud?

Magnus is still trying to process his shock, but then his father returns to the room. Smiling proudly as if nothing was wrong.

Everything is wrong.

“So, did this,” He gestures around the room “helped you decide?”

“I’ve heard everything,” Magnus says, trying for his voice not to witter “what the hell is going on here?”

“What did you hear?” Asmodeus tries to play it cool, asking innocently.

“Your conversation, and this,” He points forward and only now his father seems to see the uncovered board and opened door at the front of the room. Something switches in his expression, there’s something sharp about this now.

“Son, whatever you think you heard or saw-“ The man attempts, but Magnus is done with his bullshit. He wants the truth and he wants it now.

“You think I’m stupid?” He almost yells “That I don’t know what this all means? How long have you been lying to me?”

Asmodeus seems to be unbothered by his blow up. He sighs heavily, with no intentions of replying anytime soon. He clearly takes his time and Magnus wants to scream, but also, some part of him tells him to listen to the explanation.

He’s not sure if it’s the rational one now.

“You’re too smart for your own good, son,” Asmodeus points a finger at him, but not in an accusatory way, more like he kind of surprised, as if he didn’t see this through. “you weren’t supposed to find out like that.”

“What?” Magnus just continues to frown, not less confused.

“You were supposed to come work here for some time, and then I’d tell you about this whole thing,” His father says, his voice still neutral “You see, I needed people because, after the last time, we were lacking.”

“The last time? What do you mean?” Magnus demands. He tries to make sense of his words, but even if he wasn’t so torn apart by all of the emotions cooking up inside of him, he probably still wouldn’t get what he means.

“Oh, we’ve been doing this for a little while,” Asmodeus explains casually “it’s such a great business, son. Loads, loads of money, and it’s easy if you know how to do it.”

“You’re making drugs, how is that supposed to be a great business?” Magnus snaps, his voice growing louder. “You told me we will be helping people here-“

“Isn’t that what we’re doing?” Asmodeus questions and shrugs.

“Of course not, how can you think-“ Magnus says disgusted, but his father interrupts.

“You see, it’s what people need. Just to get away for a little while and what we make here, call it drugs or anything you’d like, it actually helps people get away from their troubles,” A smirk comes onto his lips before he continues “you of all people should know how it feels like.”

“What-” Magnus starts, but cuts himself off, his eyes widening at the realisation, a dreadful feeling spreading across his body “how do you know about that?”

“I have my ways, son,” Asmodeus replies mysteriously “your ex-girlfriend was incredibly nice and open about your life in college. Camille, right? You mentioned her that one night when you got drunk. Apparently, she hurt you pretty bad, but she has a different perspective on that.”

Now, Magnus feels his world crumbling. No, this can’t be happening. How could he work together with Camille? To try to do what exactly? This is too much, a few more words and Magnus is going to break, he can feel it. The pain keeps increasing, and it’s all his fault. He brought this upon himself.

“The point is,” Asmodeus carries on “that whoever told you your so-called addiction is something bad, wasn’t right. It’s a release, son. We all need it sometimes. It’s all about the dosage.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” Magnus shakes his head petrified, not able to move “it’s dangerous, I-“

“For people who don’t know who to handle it, yes,” Asmodeus agrees, but there’s something dark about his tone “but I can teach you, son. It’s everything you need. We can still work together, we’ll be rich, what more could you want?”

“This is insane and wrong,” Magnus’ voice is still shaky, but he tries to say it as confidently as he can “you can’t possibly think I could work with you after all that. You lied to me. Did you even… was any part of our relationship real to you?” He asks helplessly.

“Well,” Asmodeus seems to be thinking for a second “don’t get me wrong, I do like you, but mostly because you’re a great chemist. You could do big things here, you’d be a lot of help. In the beginning, I thought it would be harder to get you on my side, but some small talk about your sick mother turned out to be enough, which was good. Do you think I’ve ever cared for this woman? I barely remember her.” He admits with no remorse, his cold tone killing every spark of Magnus hope. Holding back the tears begins to be a very difficult task now.

“So it was all a game to you?” He doesn’t even know why he’s asking anymore. But he sacrificed so much time to get to know this man, to give him this second chance and it was all pointless, because to him, it means nothing. “I was supposed to be just a workforce?”

“No hard feelings, Magnus. You are my son, and yes somewhere deep down I care about you, but I mostly just needed people to run the business,” He shrugs “and everything would have been perfect if not that boyfriend of yours. God, wasn’t he a pain in the ass during this whole thing.” Asmodeus adds thoughtfully.

“He was right about you from the start,” Magnus resorts, his voice nearly breaking.

“Yes and that was the problem,” Asmodeus admits “firstly I just wanted to break you up. It would be an amazing solution, you would be vulnerable to persuade you to side with me. It would solve all of my issues, but no. I’ve never even thought love can be so strong, but God, what you two have… a literal nightmare. So yes, I tried to break you apart, make him doubt your love for him but sadly it didn’t work. So I switched techniques. I’d approve of your relationship, but you coming with me here would eventually make you part ways. And I was so close, but you just had to ruin everything.”

Magnus shakes his head yet again, trying to wake up from this nightmare. Alec was right about everything and he didn’t believe him. It was just some twisted game and it fucking hurts. He has no words to describe how he feels. No words to say to this man in front of him. He’s not his father, never was and never will be. He made a terrible mistake by letting him in, and now he’s paying the price.

“But as you can see, now you have no choice, but to stay here. You know too much,” Asmodeus states sternly “I can’t just let you go, can I?”

“What do you mean? You can’t keep me here against my will and make me work for you,” Magnus says. Now he’s freaking terrified of this man, how could he ever consider him a father, he’s a fucking criminal.

“I don’t see any other solution,” Asmodeus admits “if I let you go, you’ll come to the police right away, and I’m too tired to set up in another city yet again. We’ve just got this place.”

“I won’t tell, I swear,” Magnus says desperately. He just wants to get out of here. He feels sick and he can’t take seeing this man’s face anymore. He disgusts him and scares him “you have my word, please.”

Asmodeus considers him for a moment, coming closer to him and Magnus fights every instinct to pull back, summoning all of the last crumbs of bravery there are in him.

“I supposed you always were the man of your word,” Asmodeus retorts, but there’s a dangerous edge to his tone. Magnus almost lets out a relieved breath after his words. Almost, because he’s still too terrified “but let me make something clear. If you tell anyone, and I mean anyone, I’m not going to come for you. But for your dear Alexander, because I know where to hit for it to hurt the most.”

“Leave him out of this,” Magnus basically whispers, but he knows he can’t let that happen. He’ll protect Alec no matter what, but now he’s just brought the danger upon him.

That’s something he won’t be able to forgive himself.

“Oh, but if you stay quiet nothing will happen to him, I can promise you that,” Asmodeus assures in that same cold tone, but he seems like he’s enjoying it. Like he’s so fond of seeing his own son terrified and ready to beg for mercy “so not a word to anybody, especially Alexander because I can guarantee that his pretty face won’t be that pretty anymore when I’m done with him.”

Magnus closes his eyes, hoping that when he opens then this nightmare will end. He hates himself for what he’s done. But even more, for what he’s brought upon Alec.

“I swear I won’t say a word,” He clogs out in his shuttering voice. Asmodeus eyes him precisely for another few seconds but eventually takes a step back.

“I suppose I believe you,” He announces “but I know where to find you if the police ever come barging in here. So now, we’re going to continue our lovely weekend trip and when you’re going to come back home, everything is going to be perfectly fine, right?”

Magnus nods, too afraid to do anything more than to agree.

“Good,” Asmodeus states and clasps him on the shoulder. Magnus flinches at the touch.

“I need some air,” He mutters. He really can’t be here, not around this man who’s just threaten to hurt someone he loves.

“Go, you’re useless here anyway. Just wait till I’m done here,” Asmodeus throws over his shoulder, already set up to do some work. 

Without any looks back, Magnus sets for the exit. When he’s finally out a loud sob that he’s been holding back finally escapes him. He cries, almost choking on the air. He wants to get out of here. Not only this stupid district but this whole fucking state. He wants to be home, with Alec. He should have never left.

He was so foolish to believe any of Asmodeus’ words, ever. How long has he even known him? Why did he decide to trust him? Only because he’s his father? It doesn’t work like this. Trust is something that has to be earned, and he lost sight of that somewhere along the way.

This is too big of a mistake. He will never be able to fix that, no matter how hard he tries. It will stain him for his whole life, he can already feel it now.

And he’s being selfish because all he wants now is for Alec to be here. He wants to tell him that he was right and how sorry he is, beg him to take him back no matter how hard he fucked up. The need to even only hear his voice is too overwhelming, he pulls out his phone because if he doesn’t say anything he’s going to blow up.

He can’t tell him, that’s clear but has to hear him, hear that he’s okay.

Because later, he’ll have to stay away from him. He won’t be able to keep such a secret, it’s the only way.

Alec picks up almost immediately.

“Magnus-“ His voice sounds almost panicked and desperate, but Magnus doesn’t let him speak anything more.

“You were right,” Is the first thing he says, his voice wet and hiccupping because of the tears that just don’t want to stop flowing “from the start, you were right and I didn’t believe you. I am so sorry, Alexander. I’m so sorry. You can say your I told you so, you can say it a thousand times because-“

“Magnus, I don’t want to,” Alec cuts him off.

“You should, I fucked up Alec,” He manages to clog out before another sob overcomes him.

“Magnus,” Alec’s voice sounds incredibly soft, Magnus doesn’t deserve this “turn around.”

Confused, Magnus does as he says and now he must really be hallucinating, because Alec, his Alexander is right in front of him. There are tears in his eyes too as he sees the state Magnus is in, but still, he tries to smile.

Magnus is left speechless, but when Alec takes him into his arms, he just can’t deny himself that. Especially if it’s supposed to be the last time he ever gets to have him near. He cries into Alec’s shoulder because it’s a place he feels the safest in.

“Hey,” Alec gently pulls back and cups his face delicately to make him look at him “has he done anything to you? Are you okay?” His voice is firm, but caring when he speaks.

Magnus shakes his head. His visibly not okay, but that’s not what matters. Physically he's fine, the problem is with his head. And the fact that his father threatened to hurt Alec. This thought makes Magnus cling onto him even harder.

“I’m here, you’re safe,” Alec says as he hugs him back just as tightly.

“I’m so sorry,” Magnus continues to sob.

“Shh, it’s okay,” Alec reassures soothingly “I’m here. It’s okay.”

It’s not. Nothing is okay, as much as he wants to believe Alec when he says it.

The next voice he hears in definitely not Alec’s since he flinches again, which doesn’t escape his boyfriend’s notice.

“Alexander,” Asmodeus’ rather cheerful tone makes Magnus want to throw up “how nice of you to join us. Magnus has been missing you.”

Magnus wants to do nothing more than to drag Alec away from here and tell him everything that happened, but he knows he can’t. He has to play it cool. Pulling back from the comfort of his boyfriend’s steady heartbeat, he wipes at his tears and tries to put himself together.

“We might have misunderstood each other a bit when it comes to my offer,” Asmodeus says then, trying to clear up the situation.

And of course, Alec is buying none of it.

“There’s no offer,” He states sternly, his arm tightening around Magnus as if trying to shield him “he’s not going to work for you.”

“Maybe you should let him decide-“

“Stop with this farse,” Alec doesn’t let him finish. Magnus has no clue what’s happening, how the hell can Alec be so calm and confident right now? And why is he even here? Nothing makes sense, but he has no strength to voice this out loud.

“What are you really doing here, Alexander?” Asmodeus asks then and there it is, the cold, dangerous tone of his voice that makes Magnus shiver as he points at him. “He wanted to leave you, he was this close to leaving you behind-“

Magnus wants to interrupt, say that it’s not true, because it’s not, but before he can, Alec speaks again.

“Enough,” He just says fearlessly “save your stupid excuses.”

“You’re right, I don’t have to explain myself before you,” Asmodeus agrees with an amused chuckle.

“Maybe not before me,” Alec declares “but you should before them.”

Several things happen at once, and Magnus has no idea what to focus on. His senses feel pretty dimed with everything that he’s just been through, but he’s pretty sure he can hear a shout of ‘PPD department, on the ground’ and ‘you’re under arrest’. But as the police officers bring his father to the floor, he feels like he’s watching a scene from a movie happening right in front of him. He's vaguely aware of Alec dragging him away a few steps to let the officers do their work. Some of them barge into the building, some are already dragging Asmodeus to the police car.

What, or how did that happen, Magnus doesn’t know. His head hurts from the throng of questions, but it’s like his voice is gone and he can’t even get a word out. The only thing he’s still aware off is Alec holding him up and his strong arms around him. Then some police officer approaches them.

“Did one of you gentleman called us?” He questions and Magnus is ready to answers that he has no idea who called, but Alec beats him to it again.

“It was me,” He replies.

_What? _

“We’ll need to take you guys to the precinct to take your statements,” The man informs then “is your friend okay?” He points at Magnus, probably noticing the state he’s in.

“Boyfriend,” Alec corrects absently as he looks at Magnus “but yeah he’ll be fine.” He tries to assure. “But I do think that the statements will have to wait.”

“Of course,” The officer seems to understand “is any medical help needed?”

“No,” Magnus shakes his head again, his voice a bit hoarse “I’m okay.”

“Well, just come to the precinct when you’re ready. I do need to take your personal information.”

“Sure,” Alec answers for the both of them. Magnus seems to be aware enough to pull out if id and hand it to the policeman too.

“I guess all I can say is thank you, we’ve been trying to catch this guy for a while now,” The man says as he gives them their ids back. “I’ll see you at the precinct.”

_Catch him? For a while?_ Magnus’ head is spinning.

“Yes, officer,” Alec answers, his hand caressing Magnus’ back calmingly. As the policeman walks off, Alec finally turns to Magnus. Some relief written on his features, but mostly still worry. He gives Magnus a sad-looking smile. “How are you?”

“I…” Magnus is not sure what to say, he shakes his head lightly “I have no idea what’s going on.”

“I’ll tell you everything I know, but first, maybe let’s get you out of here, okay?

As if Alec was reading his mind, he knows exactly what Magnus needs now. There’s nothing more for him to do than to nod and let Alec guide him to his car a few steps away. He helps him climb onto the passenger’s seat and then settles in the driver’s one, starting the car and driving. Magnus is not sure where, but anywhere will do. Just away from here.

“You came all the way here?” Magnus questions dumbly still not able to comprehend that Alec really is here. “Why?”

Alec sighs heavily with his eyes settled on the road ahead. He clearly looks troubled, as if not knowing where to start, how to approach it.

“I found out about your father,” He says after a moment, his expression still unsure “about the drugs.”

“How?” Is all Magnus can think of and the only word that gets through his throat.

“Starkweather gave me this case at work…” Alec begins “a drug lord, has been changing his area of actions for the last few years so he didn’t get caught. New Jersey before, apparently now Philadelphia… Too much evidence pointed at your father, I just connected the dots. There was also a picture. Blurry, but enough to recognize him for someone who’s seen him up close.”

Magnus slumps down into his seat, still shaking his head incredulously. His father is a most wanted criminal, a fucking drug lord and he’s been-

It’s too much.

“I’m sorry, baby,” Alec reaches with his palm to rest in reassuringly at Magnus’ thigh. He sounds genuine and Magnus hates it. He doesn’t deserve it, doesn’t deserve Alec’s sympathy. Not after what he’s done.

“I can’t believe this,” He just says quietly.

“It is… hard to believe,” Alec retorts with lack of better words.

There’s a moment of silence then, with Magnus still trying to process all the information. His head is throbbing and he just feels drained. He feels sick.

“You were right,” Magnus says again and breaks the silence “from the start. You were right and I didn’t believe you.”

“Magnus…” Alec trails off pleadingly “I didn’t exactly know, I-“

“You knew enough and if I just listened to you…” He lets the frustration cling onto his tone. He’s been so foolish this whole time.

“Let’s just forget it, we’re fine and he’s going to jail, it’s going to be fine,” Alec tries, but if he thinks Magnus will just let it slide like the wasn’t the idiot of the century, then he’s wrong. “Can you tell me what happened there?” Alec asks then.

Magnus looks out of the window, his lips forming into a thin line. This isn’t fair. He can’t dump it all on Alec. Asmodeus’ threats still sound in his head. But that’s over now, he saw himself as the police packed his father into the car. Alec is right, he can’t hurt them now.

And it’s all thanks to Alec. As always, he’s the one to clean up the mess Magnus made.

“You called the police?” Magnus inquiries instead of answering Alec’s question.

“Yeah, you weren’t answering your phone so I came here…” Right, he silenced his phone because Asmodeus convinced him too. If he only had his sense he could have avoided all that. Yet another prove at how bad he’s messed up. “thank God you basically told me where this company is. I came and called them. But before they arrived I saw you leaving the building. I just had to check if you’re okay myself. I was so scared.” Alec admits, now visibly more at ease.

Magnus wants to say he’s sorry again, but a million sorries won’t make up for what he’s done. He never deserved Alec and it’s all showing now. He came here, worried out of his mind and all Magnus did was thinking about himself. He’s still being selfish now, letting Alec reassure him.

“I found the drugs,” Magnus says because he owes him an explanation. The least he can do now is tell him what he wants to know “and overheard his conversation with some associates. It was all just a game to him, Alexander,” He chuckles hollowly “he just wanted me to work for him. This whole image, building our relationship… it was all bullshit to him. And I believed him, I trusted him… I was so stupid-“

“How could you know?” Alec cuts in gently. “He was very convincing-“

“But you knew,” Magnus reminds him “you tried to made me see it, so many times.”

Alec lets out a long exhale and takes the nearest turn to stop the car at some wide parking lot, clearly needing to hold this conversation face to face with Magnus. He indeed switches the car off and turns in his seat to give all of his attention to Magnus.

“Baby,” He starts softly and takes his hands in his “you made a mistake. What matters is that you’re okay. I know it hurts, but we’ll get through this-“

“No, Alec you don’t understand,” Magnus shakes his head again, a new wave of tears forming in his eyelids. Alec sends him a pleading look, but waits for him to continue “when I confronted him about it, he told me everything and… He said I know too much, so if I tell anyone he…”

“Magnus, he what?” Alec pushes tentatively.

“He threatened to hurt you,” Magnus finally confesses with another sob “it’s all my fault. I put you in danger Alec, he could-“ He can’t even finish this thought.

Alec closes his eyes briefly. When he opens them he looks out of the window in front of them for a while. Magnus expects him to break the hold of their hands any second now, probably ask him to leave the car, that he deserves.

Instead, when Alec turns to him, there’s a certain fear in his eyes, but Magnus can see that he’s trying to fight it.

“He’s not going to hurt any of us,” He says, squeezing Magnus’ palms even tighter “okay? We’re fine, he’s going to get punished and he won’t ever get to us. We’re safe, Magnus.”

He wants to believe him, it’s the rational thing to do. It’s the truth, but it doesn’t change the fact, that because of him, something could have happened to Alec. If he wasn’t here to save the day… Magnus doesn’t want to think about it, even if he should.

“I don’t deserve you,” Magnus says and sees Alec wants to interrupt instantly, but he doesn’t let him “after what I’ve done… Alec, I understand if you want to end this, you should.” As much as it hurts, Magnus brought this upon himself.

“Magnus, what are you talking about?” Alec questions with disbelief “I told you, we’re going to get through this together. I’m sticking by your side, through this and after that. I’m always going to be here.”

Magnus smiles at him sadly through the tears. How is this man in front of him even real? Any other person wouldn’t think twice. What Magnus did, is too much of a fault. Everyone else would leave him without any second thoughts, and yet, here Alec is, declaring to help him through it and to stay.

Magnus is hit with the realisation that he’s too good for this world, not for the first time.

And he wants to argue, ask what’s wrong with him to still want him after all he did, but he doesn’t have the strength now. There are still things to do, and if there’s something that he can try to do to make this right, it’s to make sure Asmodeus doesn’t see the outside world ever again, to put him in prison for the rest of his life.

“Can you,” He speaks with his voice still sounding small “can we go to the precinct to give the statements?”

“Magnus, are you sure you’re up for that?” Alec asks worriedly “I’m sure it can wait if you feel-“

“No, I want to do it now, till it’s still fresh,” He demands lightly, giving Alec a reassuring nod “please.”

“Of course,” With one more squeeze to Magnus’ hands, Alec starts the car again and sets them on the way.

Magnus tells them everything.

Tries to recall every little detail, everything that could put his father to jail for even a while longer, for his whole life. That seems like the best option.

It’s not easy at the beginning, talking about it. But telling Alec earlier definitely helped. Magnus tried to put his thoughts more in order, but it all still sounded pretty chaotic while he was describing everything to the police officer. At least it’s over now, one part of this mess can be left behind.

As Magnus leaves the interrogation room, Alec is already waiting there for him with a soft smile. He reaches with his hand, tangling their fingers together as Magnus lets out a relieved sigh.

“You’re good?” His boyfriend questions then. Magnus nods thoughtfully.

“Yeah, I just really want to go home,” He admits. It’s been a tiring day. All he wants to do is fall asleep in his own bed, preferably with Alec right next to him.

“Sure,” Alec agrees and already tugs them towards the exit. Before Magnus knows it, they’re back in the car, setting on the way to New York.

They drive in silence for a little while. A much-needed one. Magnus doesn’t want to talk about Asmodeus anymore. He had to repeat the story twice today and it’s way more than enough, especially since he’s still confused and mad, and sad about it. Mostly probably shocked and mad at himself.

Right now, he can’t even bear the thought of what he wanted to do. Leave everything behind? Did he really think no one would miss him?

He tried to make himself think that because he wanted his father’s vision so bad. The ability of reasonable thinking became lost along the way, something he promises will never, ever happen again.

“What now?” Magnus asks eventually, not sure if it’s directed at himself or Alec. The sun is already setting down on the horizon, leaving a pink-like light shining through the car windows. “About my father.” Magnus specifies then, he knows Alec is probably able to answer the legal part of this question.

“Well, what comes next is the trial, I guess. First collecting evidence and such, interrogating other witnesses,” His boyfriend explains.

“We’ll have to testify in the court?”

Alec shakes his head.

“Only if you want to, we have a right to refuse” He answers “But don’t worry about it now, we can handle it later.” He reassures lightly.

Magnus nods, it’s probably for the best. His head is already bursting, the perspective of having to repeat this story yet again is not a pleasant one. Magnus tries to cut it off, for now, Alec is right.

The rest of the way is equally quiet, but only because both of them are way too exhausted to prompt any talks. Magnus attempts to put himself in Alec’s position, to see things from his perspective. It hurts because now Magnus sees even more how uncaring and inconsiderate he was.

His father blinded him. How and why? Magnus is not sure. He just wanted for some part of his family not to be broken, he wanted to believe his father was good. Wanted to have a father at all. Some part of him hoped that by having him, he could find some shelter similar to his mother. He’s missed that feeling ever since she died. Someone to be there for you, but in the parental sense of that.

He’s never been jealous of Alec’s family. Didn’t have reasons to be, when they met his parents were still the worst versions of themselves. What Magnus now is jealous of, is that at least one of them was able to change. Somewhere along the way of building a relationship with his father, he thought of Maryse, how she’s changed and grown to love her son, to protect him as she always should. Why couldn’t his father be that kind of person?

People don’t change, is the lesson that just prays to be taught, but it’s not completely true. For now, Magnus doesn’t know what to believe in.

He’s sure he dozes off at some point during the ride, but Alec doesn’t bother waking him up. When he does himself, it’s pitch black outside and as he turns to his boyfriend, he finds that he can barely see him in the dull light.

“Do you want to switch?” Magnus asks as he stretches out in his seat lightly, trying to wake himself up. “I can drive.”

“No, it’s fine,” Alec shakes his head, but Magnus notices how he runs his hand over his face tiredly “we’re almost there anyway.”

And indeed, it takes them only a couple more minutes to finally reach New York and a little more to get to their apartment. It may be cheesy, but Magnus has already missed this city. How could he ever think of leaving it for good…

He still feels half asleep, as they finally arrive at the loft. Alec swiftly unlocks the door and they both slide into the familiar space. God, it feels good to be home. He never wants to leave again.

“Do you need anything?” Alec questions as Magnus just stands and seems to be taking in the space of the apartment like he hasn’t seen in it years. Carefully, Alec steps closer and takes his palm again. “Anything, baby. Just tell me what you need.” His voice is soft and Magnus lets his eyes fall shut, basking himself in it.

“I think I’ll just head to bed,” He says, his body automatically gravitating towards Alec till he can hide his face in his chest “will you come with me?” He whispers as if dreading the answer.

“Of course,” Alec assures instantly “I just need to make a few calls, okay? Go lay down, I’ll be there in a minute.”

Magnus is way too tired to inquire what this could be about, he doesn’t find any strength to push himself away from Alec’s body, even for only this little while, till he’ll get him all to himself, pressed tightly together in their bed again. They stay like this for a moment, but Alec doesn’t seem to be complaining either.

“Alexander,” Magnus starts quietly now, receiving a hum in answer, indicating that his boyfriend is listening “don’t tell anyone yet.”

“About what?” Alec asks, but it’s still soft.

“About my father,” Magnus clarifies “not yet. I… I need some time to process this.”

“Magnus, I think-“

“Not today, Alec,” Magnus interrupts whatever he was about to say, shaking his head against his chest “we’ll talk tomorrow, but please, don’t tell anyone today.”

“Okay,” Alec agrees with a heavy sigh “you have all the time you need.” He adds gently.

Magnus nods and finally manages to peel off from Alec’s chest. He heads for the bedroom, undressing mechanically and climbing under the covers. He missed the way the silk duvet feels against his skin, but mostly he missed Alec next to him.

He prays for the sleep to come easily, but of course, it doesn’t. Even when Alec finally arrives and plasters himself against his back, providing a pleasant line of warm, he can’t seem to be able to rest for more than a couple minutes. Some part of his brain tells him that it’s not how this day was supposed to end. That having Alec here is yet another greed gesture from his side. He should let him go because he deserves better than what Magnus has become.

But he can be selfish, for just one more night, right?

Tomorrow, he’ll face all the consequences. No matter how harsh they may be.

But he feels that tomorrow, he won’t be even a little bit more ready to do that.

Magnus spends the whole night tossing and turning around. In the end, he gets maybe two or three hours of sleep, because his stupid brain just won’t shut down. He considers waking Alec up, but what for? So he can be miserable in the morning too? As if he also hadn’t had an exhausting day…

So eventually, he decides against it. When the sun rises and begins to shine through the curtains, Magnus finds himself just watching Alec in his sleep. He looks peaceful and relaxed. God knows he deserves the rest now more than ever.

The whole yesterday they were talking about him only. Magnus realises that he hadn’t even asked Alec about how he feels with his whole thing. He can sign up for the worst boyfriend of the month award already, he’s pretty sure he has predispositions to win.

Resolving that it’s enough of being a creep and staring at his boyfriend while he sleeps, Magnus eventually chooses to leave the bed. Maybe he can be at least a little bit productive and make breakfast or something.

But still, he just feels so tired and beat. It’s a terrible feeling like something is sulking inside of him, trying to drag him down. Magnus tries to fight it because he really can’t break now, but God how exhausting it is. All he wants to do is come back to bed and stay there until it doesn’t hurt so bad.

Some part of his heart is probably broken, but it can be fixed. The problem is, that he should break if further by letting Alec go. But he’s not sure if he could ever recover from that.

Setting to make coffee, Magnus doesn’t even get to start on the thanking breakfast for Alec, since he already emerges from the bedroom and soon joins Magnus by the counter.

“Hi,” He leans in to kiss Magnus on the cheek. “Did you sleep alright? It’s still pretty early.”

“I slept fine,” Magnus lies, there’s no point in worrying him. “Do you have somewhere to be today?” He quickly changes the topic.

“Just some meetings about the case,” Alec admits “but I’ll call my mom to tell her I won’t make it.”

“You don’t have to do that,” Magnus tries to assure him, but only receives an unimpressed glance in answer “seriously, I’m fine.” He goes on.

“I know I don’t have to, I just want to,” Alec shrugs lightly. “I’ll call mom and then start on some breakfast.”

“I can do that-“ Magnus begins only to get cut off by his boyfriend again.

“I think you should rest some more,” Turns out, he’s been able to see through Magnus carefully built façade all the time. It shouldn’t surprise him as much as it does, Alec’s got quite good at reading him.

They end up preparing the meal together, then eating on the couch and none of them seems to be eager to move from there. Magnus may feel relaxed in Alec’s embrace, but it doesn’t stop the thoughts from rushing in his head. And he really needs them to stop.

“How is the case?” Magnus attempts to steer the subject somewhere else than his criminal father. He prompts his chin on Alec’s chest from where he’s laying atop of him.

“It’s going okay,” Alec answers with a little nod, his hand wandering absently to comb through Magnus’ messy hair. “Maybe two more hearings and we’ll be done.”

Magnus takes in the information with a thoughtful nod. Both of them are quiet for a moment.

“And how are you?” Magnus finally decides to ask the question he should have asked yesterday at least once.

“I’m good,” His boyfriend replies softly “Glad that it’s going to be over soon.”

“And how are you when… when it comes to my father?” Magnus asks next, hesitantly. “I mean, how do you feel about what happened…”

“How am I supposed to feel?” Alec shoots back a question, but not harshly, more like he’s unsure of how he should be feeling with this. He shrugs again. “I’m sorry that it happened, baby. You did nothing to deserve this.”

Magnus snorts and shakes his head, lifting himself from Alec’s body to sit up more straight. Alec mirrors his position, but just gazes at him puzzled, clearly confused with his behaviour.

“I did exactly everything to deserve this, Alec,” Magnus says and can’t help the judgemental note in his tone. “From the start, everything I had been doing, every step I took was leading to this kind of end. I was just too blind to see it.”

“Magnus…” Alec just trails off imploringly.

“No, Alec I-,” He cuts himself off, frustrated for how he can’t find his way with words. “I don’t need your pity. I need you to tell me I was wrong and you were right all the time. Because that’s the truth and I could use something real now. Something black and white, something that’s not as confusing as everything happening now.”

“You made a mistake, Magnus,” Alec starts calmly. “Okay, you were wrong to trust your father, but no one deserves to find out about this in such a way. It must have been a shock. But the person who is wrong here is Asmodeus. And yes, it hurt when you didn’t believe me or even try to believe me, but I don’t want to and I can’t blame you.”

“You should,” Magnus comments shortly. Alec closes his eyes and shakes his head but doesn’t say anything.

_Maybe it’s for the better_, Magnus thinks. Maybe he wouldn’t like what he has to say anyway.

“I didn’t want to leave you,” Magnus says then, but his voice dies down in volume, it’s almost a whisper. His father’s words still ring in his head, how even when he was on a losing position, he tried to ruin their relationship. A futile attempt, or at least Magnus wants to think that. “When my father said I wanted to… He was wrong, I never even thought of leaving you behind. I was trying to convince him to give me more time to-“

“Magnus, you don’t have to explain,” Alec takes his hands again, his thumb caressing soft patterns onto his skin “of course I know you didn’t.”

“I just wanted you to know-“

“But I admit, I thought that maybe you considered this seriously,” Alec carries on, but there’s no judgement in his tone. “and that I was standing in the way. But I convinced myself that it wasn’t the truth, because it really wasn’t. I know you love me, I’ve always known that. It was just supposed to be a test at how strong the love is. I thought that maybe the distance would be able to separate us, but now I know even that wouldn’t be able to make us part.”

Magnus smiles at him a bit wretchedly and squeezes his palms. He wants to believe that, but he never wants to get tested like this. It’s too much. Now Magnus thinks that the lesson learnt should be: keep your loved ones close, especially the ones who’s always been there for you.

He was such a moron thinking he would be able to leave it all behind. He’ll never be able to forgive himself that.

Alec looks like he wants to say something more, but then his phone buzzes from the coffee table. He holds out a hand for Magnus to indicate that they’ll get back to that, then snatches his phone and picks up.

“Hi, mom, what’s up?” At whatever Maryse must have said, Alec, frowns. “What?” He repeats, as if not being sure he’s heard right. “Okay, right. I’ll… I’ll call you back in a minute.” He hangs up and sighs heavily. Magnus doesn’t even need to ask anything since he already starts to explain. “Mom says they have some lead on how Raj’s defence found out about my mental illness. She said I should be there.”

“Go,” Magnus allows easily, trying to smile at him reassuringly, but he knows he’s not doing a great job at it.

“Really? I,” Alec’s lips form into a thin line. “I don’t want to leave you alone here.”

“Alexander, I’m fine. Go, this is clearly important.” Magnus pushes. Alec’s been on this case for months. He’s not letting him miss some breakthrough because of this mess he caused himself. He’s here to blame, and he’ll have to deal with that.

“Are you sure?” Alec still questions.

“I am,” He’s not. Magnus doesn’t know if being alone is what he needs. But he may find out now.

“It shouldn’t take long,” Alec assures him, but already gets up from the couch. Magnus just nods and his boyfriend places a chaste kiss on his cheek. Magnus would want it to last longer. “I love you, I’ll be back soon.”

“I love you too,” Magnus answers as he watches him go.

Turns out, being alone is not something Magnus needed.

With no one here to distract him, the thoughts are getting louder in his mind. It’s maybe been only an hour since Alec left, but Magnus already longs for him to come back.

God, he’s being so pathetic.

He can’t even imagine revealing the news of his father to the rest of his friend and family. Ragnor will for sure barely restrain himself from saying I told you so, only for Magnus’ own good. He shouldn’t maybe it’s something Magnus has to hear. Now it all is so clear. Something was wrong and the people closest to him tried to make Magnus realise that. It wasn’t only Alec. It was Ragnor, Izzy and Jace with their suspicious looks. They all wanted the best for him and he’s messed up.

Alec’s siblings will hate him for even considering the job offer. Maybe they already know? Magnus wouldn’t blame Alec for wanting to vent while he was gone. He’s glad they are there for him.

Magnus continues to lay miserably on the couch, contemplating about his foolishness. If there only was something to make him forget. No, to make him turn back time and never let Asmodeus into his life.

Well, Magnus realises soon. There is something that may make him forget, even if only for a little while.

He wanders to the drink cart and gets himself a whisky. Strong one. It burns down his throat, just what he needs now, something else to focus on. Soon, another one follows, and then another one.

Magnus finds, that he feels better, so he continues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Let me know all of your thoughts in the comments! 😊  
So it was the last we've seen of Asmodeus, let's all give a round of applause for Alec for taking that snake down. One thing may be out of the way, but what about Magnus now? How hard do you think this whole thing hit him? Is he going to do something stupid now? I guess we'll see next week...


	27. The Struggle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things start to get too much...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, hello  
How are we doing after the last chapter? Magnus certainly isn't doing too well... Today, some more mystery-solving, even more secrets and feels. WARNINGS: unhealthy coping mechanism, which in that case is drinking. Also mentions of Alec's mental illness and self-harm. And a reminder that I'm not an expert when it comes to any legal stuff ;)   
It has to get worse first, before it gets better, right? 
> 
> Enjoy the read!

Alec has never been that upset that he was right.

There’s no satisfaction, no need or even the want to say ‘I told you so’, not when he sees how crushed Magnus is.

He hides it well, Alec has to admit, but there are moments when his brave façade breaks, that’s when Alec notices the pain and sorrow that’s made its place onto his boyfriend’s features. So there’s no rewarding feeling or pride, that he’s been the one to be right from the start. He’s hurt too because he hates seeing Magnus in pain.

Alec doesn’t think he’s ever been this nervous and afraid as he was during his whole drive to Philadelphia. He didn’t know what to expect, what exactly was Asmodeus’ plan, all knew was that he had to get to Magnus and take him far away from his father. Only when he arrived at the company building he started to think about the best way to play this, so Asmodeus would disappear from their lives forever. He called the police. If he was somehow wrong, which was very unlikely, then they would just check the building and maybe find nothing, but Alec would be much calmer anyway. In the end, they got probably one of the most dangerous criminals in the state handed to them basically on a silver plate.

Now he just wants to forget about this whole thing, erase basically everything Asmodeus has ever said to him, every time he’s seen him. He’d like the same for Magnus, to make the memories vanish. Unfortunately, he knows it’s impossible. He’s not even sure if things can go back to the way they were before.

Magnus blames himself for everything, which he shouldn’t do. Alec tries to put himself in his shoes, as always. He’s not sure about how he would act if his father tried to make peace with him. He tries to understand Magnus, but can’t help the note of letdown that he trusted his father over him. It’s not exactly like this, Alec knows, but still, it’s not the best feeling. Either way, Magnus didn’t deserve anything that happened and Alec will make sure he understands that.

But first, let’s get the case out of the way. Then he can fully devote to taking care of his boyfriend and making him realise some important facts.

He quickly gets to Maryse’s apartment, slightly nervous but also anxious to find out whatever lead she might have found.

“Mom, I came as soon as I could. Can we please get over this with quickly-“ Alec starts as he lets himself into the flat, but stops in his tracks when he sees that his mother is not alone. He might have expected Josh to be here since it was supposed to be a case meeting, but he did not think that he may find Luke here instead. “Hi, Luke,” He tries for a smile, but can’t fully bring himself to it. Luke offers a kind nod in greeting from where he’s leaning over Maryse, who is sitting at the table, a laptop opened in front of her.

“Hi, son,” His mother stands up to greet him with a hug. Alec gladly accepts the embrace. “Everything okay?” She asks then, Alec simply nods. “Are you in a hurry?”

“I just…” Alec begins but cuts himself off. Magnus asked him not to tell anyone yet and he does respect that. Although it won’t be easy. His siblings have already showered him with calls and questions. Alec only called his brother last night to say that he’s back and everything is fine, as fine as it can be right now. Jace, of course, had a multitude of questions, but Alec promised to explain soon.

But he’s not actually sure how long soon will take.

“No, I’m…” Alec doesn’t know how to put it, he lets out a frustrated exhale “I’m not in a hurry. I-“

“Son, is everything okay?” Maryse asks more worriedly now.

“Yeah, everything’s fine,” He quickly tries to reassure her. And of course, she doesn’t buy his lies. “What did you find?” He questions, trying to change the subject.

Reluctantly, Maryse moves back to her spot, but not before sending a concerned glance to Luke, which she probably thinks Alec didn’t notice, he did. A moment later they’re all seated at the table.

“So, I met with Raj’s team again,” Maryse starts to explain “basically I told them to clarify how they got a hold of this information about you being mentally ill or either way I would point the fact that it might not have been obtained legally to the judge. I think they’re aware of the position they’re in, they’re already losing and don’t need more troubles, so they told me.”

“And?” Alec asks impatiently when she doesn’t speak for a few seconds.

“Well, apparently, it was an anonymous tip they got from some unknow caller,” She answers “which was pretty useless info, actually. But they gave us the number. That’s when I asked Luke for help,” She points with her head to the said man.

“Yeah, before starting Idris and stuff, I was working as a police officer,” Luke reveals “I still have some contacts.”

“We tried to track the number to see where it leads us, but unfortunately that didn’t work.” Maryse supplies.

_So if there’s nothing solid, why am I here?_ Alec thinks, but before he gets to mention it, Luke speaks.

“The call was made from a payphone, but we managed to do something else. Since we got the number, we were able to get a hold of a recording of this conversation,” The man explains. “The voice is of course modulated, but maybe you’ll have some suspicions who that may be when you hear it.” Luke visibly hesitates, before carrying on. “I don’t want to say that you may have some enemies or something, but if you can think of anyone who’d want to do you any harm… This may be this person.”

Oh, he can think of someone. But that would be way too much.

“Let me listen to it,” Alec announces and after another shared gaze with Luke, she plays the recording on her computer.

_“Hello?” _

Alec recognizes the voice as Raj’s defender, Henderson.

_“I have some information about Alexander Lightwood I’m sure you’d want to hear.” _

The other, attune voice states.

_“Who is this?”_

_“It doesn’t matter. What is, is that Alexander has certain troubles that may be helpful in your case. He suffers from depression and anxiety. Use it, point out that he’s a crazy person, so they won’t include anything he says into the case’s evidence report.”_

_“How do you know that? I can’t just believe it. Who are you-“_

_“Someone who is trying to help” _

_“Why?” _

_“Let’s say I have a personal stake in it. I just need Alexander a bit unsettled.” _

Henderson sounds like he wants to say something else, but the other person rapidly hangs up and the line goes silent.

Alec lets out a long breath, his suspicions basically confirming.

There are only two people who call him Alexander. And while one is the love of Alec’s life, the other is a total opposite.

But how the hell did Asmodeus find this out? Did he have someone steal his medical records? Alec wouldn’t be surprised, he’s prepared for basically every kind of ridiculous answer now.

Asmodeus wanted him unsettled, blinded by the rage, so he didn’t notice what was going on with Magnus. He hoped to make them drift apart, to break them up. Every single one of his steps had its purpose, he’s been involved in way more than Alec assumed at the beginning. He somehow affected all of them. And the worst is, he almost managed to pull through with this plan.

Almost, Alec sighs with relief.

“So?” When Maryse speaks, Alec realises that she and Luke are staring at him, clearly waiting if he can prove any response.

And God, he wants to tell them. But he can’t explain everything, he promised Magnus that he wouldn’t tell, he’s not going to break his word. He’ll just come back home and talk to Magnus, tell him about it and-

Or maybe he shouldn’t? It will break him even more, he’ll blame himself for almost ruining Alec’s case, for his humiliation in court… Alec can’t have it now, it would be too much.

“I’ll have to think about it, I don’t have any particular person in mind who could have done it,” He swiftly lies, but his mom frowns at him as if being able to sense the false note in his tone.

“Alright,” She eventually agrees, but still seems to be wary.

“Thank you so much for diving into this,” Alec says then genuinely. He didn’t actually prioritize this matter, focused more on the case itself, but it’s truly so kind that his mother didn’t let it slide, even involved Luke to help. Alec can’t help but smile lightly, at least they got to spend some more time together. They make quite a great detective couple, even now finishing each other’s sentences and just being so in tune with each other.

“No problem, son. It was bothering me from the start,” Maryse admits “if you manage to remember something, please let us know. We can’t let whoever knows about your problems just walk free and tell whoever they want about it.”

Alec wouldn’t worry about that. Asmodeus will only be able to his jail friends now.

“I promise, I’ll tell you immediately,” Alec declares and only now Maryse relaxes a bit. It may be also the fact that Luke gently puts his arm around her in a comforting gesture. Alec smiles yet again. “I have to go now.”

“Are you sure everything is okay?” Maryse inquires. “How’s Magnus?”

Alec really tries for his expression to show no emotions.

“Actually, he’s not feeling too well, so I’d prefer to get back to him,” Eventually he decides to uncover some part of the truth.

“Is he alright?” It’s Luke who asks, but Maryse definitely had the same thought as she nods along.

“Yeah, probably just some cold, or something,” Alec attempts to wave it off. “Thank you again, I’ll see you soon.” He says and heads for the exit as his mother sends him one more sympathetic smile.

He really hates lying to them, but he’ll tell the truth soon. He’s got other things to deal with first. Asmodeus and the rest of his crimes can wait since Alec knows he’s not going to walk freely probably ever again.

Alec rushes back home, not sure why he’s so anxious. It’s not like something could happen to Magnus. He might not be fine, but everyone has a right to be kind of down if in his situation. But again, it’s just this weird feeling he has, it’s not like he can stop it. He’s been under a lot of stress lately too, it’s probably yet another reason for these unsettling thoughts.

When he finally arrives at the loft, it’s already getting late. It’s been yet another exhausting day, not nearly as much as yesterday, but still, an emotionally draining one too.

It’s quiet when he enters, so he lets himself hope that maybe Magnus has gone to bed or is just asleep. Alec saw that he didn’t sleep well last night, even though he tried a deny it.

But when he emerges into the living room, he sees that his boyfriend is definitely awake.

“Alexander!” Magnus brightens up as he spots him, but Alec can feel that something is wrong. His cheeks are flushed, hair a mess and his eyes have this weird, absent glow.

_Goddamn it_, Alec thinks as he realises what’s going on.

Magnus stumbles as he attempts to step closer to him and then Alec notices the empty glass in his hand. But it’s worse, because next Alec notices an empty whiskey bottle beside the couch, and yet another one only half full, that’s placed on the furniture.

“Hi, love,” Magnus says as he finally approaches Alec. He’s still swaying on his feet, so Alec places his arms around him to hold him up in case he falls “I missed you.”

“Missed you too,” Alec replies but pulls back as Magnus tries to kiss him. His boyfriend pouts but doesn’t appear to worry too much. He only gives himself another short moment in Alec’s arms, before attempting to walk off, probably with the intention of yet another drink. Alec holds him a bit more firmly “I think you’ve had enough of these,” He says tentatively.

“Oh, I wanted to offer you one, my darling,” Magnus exclaims cheerfully, “you think I’m such a terrible host?” He chuckles to himself.

“I don’t want one, let’s just go to bed,” Alec tries to steer them towards the bedroom, but Magnus shakes his head.

“No, no. I’ve just opened a bottle, it can’t waste, can it?” His words come out tangled together lightly “Besides, you should really drink with me. Who knows if it isn’t our last one?”

“Magnus, what are you talking about?” Alec questions with confusion. He gets too startled at his words and loosens his hold on Magnus a bit, which he uses to escape and march towards the couch to not so gracefully reach for the glass he’s left there.

“Oh, you know. Now I’m just waiting for yet another shoe to drop. And since my life is a fucking joke I just wonder what’s going to be taken away from me next. It’s just a matter of time before you leave me too when you realise how miserable I am.” Magnus explains as he prepares himself another drink.

“Magnus, I won’t leave you,” Alec tries calmly, but his voice wobbles a bit “ever. I love you-“

“You say that now-“

“And I’m going to continue to say it,” Alec cuts in. He takes a few tentative steps closer to him. “I told you, we’re going to get through this together. As we always do, baby.”

“God, how can you be so kind, especially to me,” Magnus lets a hollow laugh escape him, but there are evident tears shining in his eyes now “you could do so much better…” He adds quieter, as if to himself, but Alec hears anyway. Magnus takes a sip of his drink and Alec decides that it’s enough.

“Come on, let’s just go to sleep. I’m tired,” He offers his hand to Magnus and tries to convince him.

“Go, you deserve the rest,” Magnus just waves him off and empties the glass. Alec lets out a heavy sigh and closes his eyes for a short second.

“But I want you to come with me, Magnus. Please.”

Magnus visibly hesitates and Alec takes this as his chance to come closer, so he does. He comes up to him and gently plucks the glass out of his boyfriend's palm, lacing their fingers together instead.

“Let’s go,” He basically whispers. Magnus nods but doesn’t look at him when Alec leads them to the bedroom. He doesn’t look at him at all, even when they settle in bed, as if ashamed for what happened, he doesn’t even say a word. “It’s okay,” Alec assures him as he plasters himself to his back and hugs him tightly from behind. He’s pretty sure he can hear Magnus let out a quiet sniffle.

“I just wanted to feel better,” He whispers into the darkness of their room.

“I know,” Alec says in a soothing tone. “I know, baby, it’s fine.” He kisses the back of his neck delicately, just a reminder that he’s right there with him.

Magnus’ low sniffles stop sometime soon, and Alec lets himself relax just a little bit. It’s not good, but he should have expected it. Magnus sometimes does have the habit of turning into the glass if something goes wrong.

This once, Alec tells himself. He’ll allow it only once. If it happens again, he’ll take action.

Right now, he just wants to provide all the comfort he can for the man in his arms.

Alec wakes up to an empty bed. He’s slept in, but he wasn’t actually thinking of attending classes today. He has to make sure that Magnus is okay and that what happened last night won’t repeat. Heavily he drags himself out of bed and heads to the kitchen, where he assumes he’ll find his boyfriend.

Magnus stands by the counter, a cup of coffee in his hand and another one prepared next to him, presumably waiting for Alec. Magnus appears to be deep in his thoughts, staring absently into some spot in front of him. Alec decides to approach him carefully.

“Morning,” He says as he stands next to him, placing a soft kiss to his cheek and getting a hold of his coffee.

“Good morning, angel,” Magnus answers but is still sort of absent. Alec delicately cups his face with one palm and urges him to look at him.

“Are you okay?” He asks tenderly as he inspects him. Magnus drops his gaze.

“Yeah, sure.”

“Don’t lie, babe, please.” Alec urges gently.

Magnus sighs heavily but leans a bit more into Alec’s side, which he counts as a win.

“I’m sorry about yesterday,” Magnus says then, but still doesn’t look at him “I just got one drink and… well, you know how I get.”

“It’s okay,” Alec assures him once more and his boyfriend finally looks at him. He smiles warmly but begins to speak in a bit of a firmer tone “as long as it was a one-time thing. We both know that drinking is not a good way to deal with our problems.” He reminds him.

“Yeah, I know,” Magnus nods lightly.

“Then it’s alright,” Alec repeats with a kiss to his forehead “you know I just want the best for you, yeah?”

Magnus nods and after a moment his arms come up around Alec, hugging him tightly. Alec easily hugs back.

“How was the meeting yesterday?” Magnus asks when he pulls back.

Shit, Alec hasn’t really thought of what to tell him not to worry him any further.

“Do you know how they found out about your illness?” His boyfriend inquires. Alec shakes his head.

“Mom just got some lead. It’s nothing specific yet. She just wanted me to know.” He answers eventually to which Magnus nods understandingly.

“You’re not going to classes?” He questions next.

“No, I think I’ll give myself one more day off,” Alec admits. He can use it to study and at the same time keep an eye on Magnus. The exams are approaching quite quickly, so he really has to put some more focus into school now. “it’s been a few stressful days. We need some rest.”

“Let me make you some breakfast then,” Magnus offers “to, you know, apologise for yesterday.”

“Babe, you don’t have to apologise-“ Alec tries, but Magnus shakes his head.

“Alright, then just let me do something for you,” He pauses and hesitates before carrying on. He drops his gaze again, Alec hates this habit of his, that when he’s unsure of something he’s not ready to look Alec right in the eyes “actually I haven’t even properly thanked you for… everything, I guess. For coming after me to Philadelphia, taking me back home, just being here… so thank you, Alexander. It means so much to mean to still have you by my side.”

Alec smiles softly and puts his cup down on the counter to be able to take Magnus’ face in between his palms lovingly. He looks at him for a short moment before leaning in and placing a sweet kiss to his lips.

“You don’t have to thank me,” He simply says “I love you, of course, I did everything I could to get you back home safely. And also, I want to make one more thing clear,” Alec indicates “If you want to talk about this, about anything that happened, I’m here. I know it must be difficult for you now, so-“

“I appreciate it, Alexander, but I’m fine,” Magnus interrupts him “I just want to leave it all behind and forget.”

“Okay,” Alec agrees and nods. He chooses not to push this time. Then adds more teasingly “you said something about breakfast…”

This time it’s Magnus who leans in and pecks him on the lips gently.

“Coming right up, my love.”

They spend the rest of the day practically doing nothing, but mentally preparing for coming back to normality tomorrow. Magnus declares that he wants to go back to work and although Alec isn’t convinced that it’s a good idea, maybe returning to some routine will make him feel better? He’ll let him do anything that may bring even a little bit of ease.

“Are you going to tell everyone at work about this?” Alec prompts some time later while they’re spread out on the couch.

“What?” Magnus startles out of his thoughts, clearly not aware of anything Alec was saying.

“I asked if you plan to tell everyone at work what happened,” Alec repeats and Magnus seems to be thinking about an answer for a long while.

“No, I don’t think so,” He eventually decides “at least not yet.”

Alec barely restrains from commenting, which Magnus notices and sighs heavily.

“Just say whatever’s on your mind,” He allows then.

“I just…” Alec begins hesitantly. He doesn’t want to offend his boyfriend, but he did ask for an honest opinion “don’t you think you should tell?” He tries gently.

“Yeah, a perfect idea, Alec. I’ll tell them how I was planning on betraying them and then they’ll hate me, that’s exactly what I need now,” Magnus retorts bitterly and shakes his head with ire. “Just because you were right once, doesn’t mean you are going to be every time,” He adds as if not being able to stop himself.

Alec’s eyes widen a bit at this sudden outburst and a second later, Magnus’ pan out in the same expression.

“I’m sorry,” He says immediately “I’m sorry, Alexander. I don’t know what came over me-“

“It’s okay,” Alec tries to wave him off, but can’t help to feel a bit hurt after Magnus’ words. It’s not that he wanted it to go this way, it’s not his fault he was right, it just happened. Magnus really shouldn’t hold that against him, especially when he did everything he could to stop Asmodeus.

“No, it’s not,” Magnus shakes his head again “it’s not right. I don’t even know what I’m saying. I don’t know what’s going on with me.”

“Hey,” Alec starts softly “maybe we should just talk about how you feel? It could make you feel better-“

“I don’t know how I feel!” Magnus wails and then sighs heavily. “I really don’t know, I’m just…”

“Hurt, in pain?” Alec supplies. “Magnus, it’s okay, you can say it.”

“I don’t know, maybe? But I’m taking this out on you again, which isn’t right-“

“You’re right, but let’s focus on you-“ Alec cuts in tentatively.

“I don’t think I want to talk, Alec,” Magnus just retorts.

“Then what do you want to do?” Alec lets a string of frustration cling onto his tone.

“Let’s just sit in silence, I don’t really care,” His boyfriend replies and Alec barely can hold an eye-roll. Then an idea forms in his head.

Maybe Magnus just doesn’t want to talk to him, because he’s ashamed, or he worries about dumping everything on Alec, he wouldn’t mind of course, but he knows his boyfriend. Maybe what Magnus needs is a talk with someone else. Some who knows him almost as good as Alec, or even better in some aspects.

“Have you thought about telling the rest? I mean, our friends and family,” Alec asks then.

“Eventually, yes,” Magnus answers, but clearly tries to cut the subject off “not yet.”

“I just thought that maybe you’d like to speak to Ragnor about this? I’m sure he’d understand, he’s been there for you since-“ Alec doesn’t even manage to finish, because Magnus swiftly interrupts him.

“Have you told him about this?” He questions with some kind of fear in his tone.

“No, of course not. I promised I wouldn’t tell, but Magnus-“

“I asked you not to tell for a reason, Alec. I want more time to deal with this,” Magnus states firmly.

“I know, but you don’t have to deal with this alone-“ Alec begins only to yet again be cut off by his boyfriend.

“I can handle it,” Alec resists to send him an unimpressed glare “it’s going to be fine, in time.”

Alec exhales heavily, but nods. It’s pointless to fight about this. If Magnus needs time, then all Alec can do is give it to him.

He just really hopes it won’t take an eternity before Magnus will let someone help him.

Alec is tired of waking up with no Magnus next to him. But what’s different now, is that there’s no sun shining through the curtains. It’s pitch black outside and an uneasy feeling is raising in Alec’s chest. He rolls over in bed to reach for his phone. 3 am, so none of them should be awake.

With a heavy heart, Alec gets up and leaves the bedroom. But he doesn’t find his boyfriend in the kitchen, neither the living room. Alec’s about to really get overcome by anxiety, but then he notices some movement on the balcony. With no more hesitance, he moves there.

The chilly night air hits his skin, making him shiver as he steps out on the balcony. Magnus stands by the ledge, with his back to him. Alec carefully begins to approach him, then his eyes land on the ledge itself, where he can see a half-empty glass, next to an almost fully empty bottle.

He stops in his tracks, closes his eyes and tries to compose himself.

It was supposed to be only once, he reminds himself. But at the same time, he knows that he won’t be able to do any good by yelling at Magnus now. He has to address it calmly and with sense.

Alec comes to stand next to his boyfriend, mirroring his position and leaning on the berm. Magnus doesn’t turn to look at him, still immersed in the view of the city below them. It may be 3 am, but New York never sleeps. After a moment Magnus pulls out his glass towards Alec as if offering a drink, but his eyes remain focused on the city. Alec just shakes his head which Magnus must have caught since he withdraws the glass. Instead, he prepares himself another drink.

“It’s late,” Alec begins then, trying to suppress another shiver “and cold. Let’s go back inside.” He suggests but receives a shake of the head in answer. “Come on, baby.”

“You should have left me,” Magnus’ voice is quiet when he speaks. His sight still lays on the view below, but his eyes turn glassy.

“What? Magnus…” Alec says pleadingly. He’s really not in a mood to remind him yet again that he’s not going to leave, but he will, if he has to. Before he gets to say anything more, Magnus continues.

“You should have left me the moment I didn’t take your worries seriously. After that family dinner, when you left the car, you shouldn’t have ever come back.”

Alec exhales again. He knows Magnus is drunk, but how can he even say it.

“I would ever leave you-“ Alec starts only to get cut off again.

“I don’t want your pity, Alec,” Magnus finally turns to him and Alec notices that there are tears strains on his cheeks already “if you want to leave, you should go. I know you feel like you have to be with me now-“

“I don’t think like this, Magnus. I want to be with you-“

“But I don’t think you’re able to fix this. To fix me. It’s not your job.” Magnus just states. There’s true sadness in his voice, but he sounds like he’s sure, like he’s made up his mind that he doesn’t deserve anyone to help him through the rough time. It breaks Alec’s heart.

“Let me just be here for you, we’ll get through this. I promise,” Alec tries softly. “Magnus, I love you-“

“If you stay with me some more, you won’t anymore,” Magnus shakes his head and drops his gaze.

“Don’t ever say that,” Alec says firmly, but he wishes his voice would come out stronger. He can’t help the tears appearing in his eyes. It the worst kind of pain for him, seeing the person he loves hurt and not knowing how to help. His voice doesn’t seem to be enough. “Come here,” He opens his arms, wanting Magnus to fall into his embrace, but instead his boyfriend takes a step back.

If Alec’s heart was torn in half, now it’s shattering in million pieces.

“I don’t deserve your kindness, I never did,” Magnus continues to shake his head, his voice thick with the tears.

“Stop it,” Alec pleads lightly. “Magnus, if there’s anything I can do to make it better, you know I will-“

“There’s nothing you can do,” Now Magnus is fully crying and Alec barely holds back his own tears. He takes a step closer and engulfs Magnus into his embrace. He tries to fight it at the beginning, but swiftly gives up and sags against Alec’s body. He can feel him shiver too.

“We’re getting through this together,” Alec holds him a bit tighter, trying to show him that he means every word. “it’s going to be okay, I swear.”

He can’t sound very convincing since right at this moment, he’s not even sure about it himself.

Magnus doesn’t get back to work the next day as they planned. He’s still not fully sober in the morning and even if he tries to convince Alec that he’s fine, he doesn’t agree for him to go. He expects yet another worried call from Dot and hates that he’ll have to lie yet again. Magnus tells him he’ll call into work, but that doesn’t really change anything. Dot will call either way since she’s a good friend.

He considers dropping classes again. He and Magnus should talk about what happened last night. But Magnus manages to persuade him to go and promises that they will talk when he gets back. In the end, it’s his future that’s at stake here. He has to pass the exams and he hasn’t been focused on school recently. He has to start before there’s no time. Of course, Magnus is his priority, but maybe it’s better for them both to cool out and think through exactly what they want to say about the incident last night. Alec decides to go.

It turns out to be a bit of a mistake since he can’t focus either way. He tries to pay attention to the lectures, he really does, but it’s so incredibly hard to concentrate that it all seems pointless.

Sometime during the third period, Lydia slides a folder full of notes to him on the desk. He offers her a thankful smile, which she returns. He didn’t even ask her for these, but appreciates it so much. Of course, she asked him what’s going on, but he hasn’t told her the truth. Just said that he and Magnus have some stuff to deal with. She didn’t push, what for Alec is grateful. As soon as he’ll be able to, he’ll explain everything. In the end, Lydia is his best friend.

Or he thought so until he found out about her little scheme during their free period.

They are on their way to the library when suddenly Alec spots two familiar faces.

“What are you guys doing here?” He asks his siblings tiredly when they’re withing hearing range. “Did you know about this?” He turns to Lydia now. She shrugs innocently, but Alec’s known her for too long not to see that she’s lying.

“I’m just going to go to the library while you guys talk,” She announces and pats Alec’s shoulder sympathetically. “I hope you’ll get something out of him,” She whispers to Jace and Izzy as she leaves, but Alec’s still able to hear it. He rolls his eyes.

“We’re here for you to finally tell us what’s going on,” Isabelle informs then and Jace nods along.

“Nothing, everything is-“ Alec doesn’t even get to finish since his brother cuts in.

“Don’t say it’s fine, Alec. First I get a call from you saying that you’re going to Philly and not to worry and next… Alec, we just need to know. Everyone is worried. Mom, Lydia… what’s going on, brother?”

Alec eyes them for a few seconds. Fuck, he shouldn't have told them anything from the start, now they’re all into deep and Alec knows his siblings, they won’t drop it until they find out what happened. They deserve to know what happened, Alec put them in such an uncomfortable position. He has to get them out, especially seeing how concerned they are.

“Alright, I’ll tell you,” He decides, but before any of them gets too excited, he adds “but you have to swear not to tell anyone. Even Clary and Simon. I promised Magnus I wouldn’t tell anyone, but you guys deserve to know,” _And I could actually use getting this off of my chest too_, he thinks but doesn’t say.

“Is Magnus okay?” Izzy questions then, quickly following through his words.

“Let’s go to the coffee shop at the corner,” Alec sighs “I’ll explain everything.”

Isabelle and Jace lack any sort of comments when Alec finishes the story. Their coffees lay almost untouched at the table between them, all of them too involved in the story to focus on the drinks. Alec exhales a long breath when he’s finally done and leans back into his chair.

There’s a bit of a nagging feeling of guilt at the back of his head, but if there are only a few people he wouldn’t be able to lie too, his siblings are definitely among them.

Jace and Izzy sit there with widening eyes and totally shocked expressions. This thing doesn’t affect Alec so much anymore since he’s told it basically twice now. But still, he knows how it sounds.

“That son of a bitch…” Are Jace’s first words. He shakes his head, trying to sort out his thoughts “you were right from the start.”

Alec nods for the lack of any better response.

“How is Magnus doing with all of this?” His sister questions then, still not able to fully shake off her shock.

“He’s… crushed,” Alec starts slowly “he’s trying to convince me that he’s okay, but I can see that he’s not. Of course, he’s not, what he’s been through is terrible. He blames himself for everything, thinks he deserved it…”

“Oh my God,” Isabelle states sadly “I’m so sorry, Alec.”

“What’s important is that his father is gone, right?” Jace tries to somehow lighten the mood. “He’s going to rot in jail.”

“We know that Jace,” Alec says, but with no heat. He still feels helpless “but it’s not that. He violated Magnus’ trust, wanted to use him, threatened to hurt us… it’s not something you can so easily recover from I… I don’t know how to help him,” He admits miserably.

Isabelle reaches with her palm to put it above his.

“You’re being there for him,” She retorts softly.

“It’s not enough,” Alec shakes his head. He hesitates before the next words “he started drinking. Like not just one drink to relax or something, but whole bottles. I… it happened twice already and I don’t know what I’m supposed to do? He claims that it makes him feel better, but we all know it’s not a good way.”

Jace and Izzy nod along with his words, but none of them holds a piece of actual advice. He can’t blame them, none of them had to deal with their currently drunk significant other yet.

“Have you tried speaking to anyone?” Izzy prompts then. “That one of Magnus’ friends, Ragnor? He’s your therapist, right? Maybe he’d be able to help.”

“I wanted to, but Magnus asked me not to tell anyone about this yet. He said he needs time to deal with this,” Alec replies dully “and I’m trying to give it to him, but his behaviour is becoming more alarming now.”

“Maybe he’ll get over this? Get it out of his system and-“ Jace begins, but Alec shakes his head.

“Get out of his system how Jace? How many times will he have to get drunk again? It’s not healthy.” Alec retorts helplessly.

“I wish we could somehow help you,” Isabelle starts, but there’s some resignation in her tone “but I don’t really know how, I’m sorry, Alec-“

“No, Iz, it’s fine,” Alec reassures and squeezes her hand. “thanks for letting me vent to you.”

“Always, brother,” Jace smiles and claps his shoulder “everything’s going to be fine, you’ll see.”

He hopes it’s true.

“But seriously, please don’t tell anyone,” Alec repeats yet again. He trusts his siblings with no boundaries, but he just has to make sure. “I promised Magnus and-“

“Don’t worry about it,” Isabelle is quick to assure him.

“Your secret is safe with us,” Jace adds “although I hope you’ll be able to tell everyone soon. Personally, I don’t think it’s fair of him to ask you to stay quiet about this.”

“It’s his choice,” Alec just states “I don’t want him to get worse.”

Izzy nods and sends him another sympathetic smile, Jace soon mirroring the expression. For the first time since all of this happened, Alec feels one of the knots in his stomach untightening, with at least one truth out in the open. Sadly, there are still more to come.

They talked. Alec felt like he was repeating himself, but so was Magnus. No more, it was the last time. Alec really wanted to believe him, did for a while, but he knows Magnus too well, can notice the little movements and habits which indicate that he lies.

Alec understands that it may be hard. That drinking feels like some sort of escape. He really gets that and he doesn’t expect Magnus to be able to magically stop turning to the glass. What he wants from his boyfriends is for him to accept the help, to talk to someone, to try.

It works for a while. Magnus gets back to work the next day, but doesn’t want to talk about how it was when he gets back. Alec tries to focus on school, wants everything to go back to how it was, but it’s not easy. The secrets that he’s keeping are beginning to eat him up. He wants nothing more than to tell his mom why he’s being so weird, to explain to Lydia why he’s so absent recently, to tell Magnus that it’s Asmodeus’ fault he got humiliated in court.

But he can’t do any of that. The only silver lining may be the fact that the case is coming to an end. The next hearing may be the last one, or at least Alec hopes so. He’ll have to devote himself more into taking care of Magnus since his boyfriend doesn’t seem to be keen on letting anyone else in. Alec asks him a lot if he’s ready to reveal everything to their family. The answer is always the same.

Magnus was right when it came to one thing, sometimes love requires sacrifices. Now Alec’s willing to make them.

He tries to look for those little silver linings. And yeah, it’s been going good for two, three days. He lets himself hope again. Magnus is still down, but at least he’s not drinking.

Of course, the good pass can’t last long, because when Alec comes back home on Friday, he finds Magnus passed out on the couch, a bottle of whiskey hanging loosely from his hand.

One time was acceptable, two was a warning, but three, in the span of not even a full week… Alec should take actions after the first one, he’s been foolish to hope, yet again.

Now it’s too much and Alec has to get control over this before it gets completely out of hand.

He lets himself look at Magnus for a short moment. He looks peaceful in his sleep, an expression Alec’s missed on his face. He just wishes it wasn’t the alcohol that helped him achieve this relieved state.

With a heavy exhale, Alec gets to work.

He leans down and gently pulls the bottle out of Magnus’ fingers. Then searches the house, every corner he can think of where they could keep alcohol. He grabs all the bottles and gets them to the kitchen. He manages to collect quite a selection and kind of hates himself for wasting all this money, but fuck, Magnus heath is way more important than any price, especially the price of alcohol.

Alec unscrews the first bottle and pours it into the kitchen sink, watching the liquid disappear in the outflow.

He gets to a third bottle when he can hear some faint sounds from the living room, still, he doesn’t stop his task.

A moment later Magnus appears in the kitchen.

“What are you doing?” He asks and frowns as he watches Alec unscrew yet another bottle and emptying it in the sink.

“Getting rid of these,” Alec replies and points with his head to the rest of the alcohols.

“Why?” Magnus still sounds confused.

“Because I don’t know what to do to stop you from drinking. Getting rid of all of the alcohol in the house seems like a reasonable first step,” Alec answers, not actually bothering to look up from his task. He’s not sure if he just doesn’t want to see Magnus’ reaction or if he’s just scared he won’t like it.

Suddenly a hand covers his own and Alec turns to see Magnus standing right next to him.

“Let’s just talk,” He offers and with a heavy sigh, Alec drops his work and turns to him. He doesn’t start and neither does Alec. If Magnus wants to talk then it does require for him to speak. “Is it really necessary?” Magnus asks after a long moment of silence.

Maybe it would be better if he hasn’t spoken.

“What?” It’s Alec’s turn to frown.

“I just mean,” Magnus tries to search for some right words “why does it really bother you so much?”

Alec’s eyes widen.

“Magnus, are you hearing yourself?” He asks disbelievingly. “You got drunk three times this week, it isn’t healthy.”

“I didn’t get drunk-“ Magnus begins to deny and Alec lets out a shocked gasp.

“You did,” He pushes “I get that it’s hard for you, I really do, but this…” He gestures to the bottles “isn’t going to fix anything.”

“But it helps, okay?” Magnus snaps suddenly. He takes a few steps back and exhales, trying to compose himself. “I’m so sick of feeling all of this guilt and pain, can’t you just let me do this one thing that helps me forget and just feel nothing?”

“No, Magnus I can’t let you do this, because it isn’t healthy,” Alec retorts, he tries to remain composed and calmed, but is slowly getting worked up too. “I’m sorry that this is the only thing that brings you any kind of relief, but I’m sure we can find something else-“

“But this is easy, Alec,” Magnus says pleadingly “why mess with easy? Let me have something easy, please.”

Alec looks at him, listens to his desperate tone and just hates it. It’s awful, that he doesn’t see anything bad about this, that he wants it so bad he’s willing to beg him.

“I can’t, Magnus,” Alec just repeats, his voice way weaker than he’d like it to be.

Magnus lets out a frustrated sigh.

“It’s just a few drinks to relax, Alec. It’s not unhealthy, stop exaggerating.”

“More like a few bottles,” Alec states and Magnus basically rolls his eyes at him “you have a problem, Magnus. I think you should talk to someone-“

“Oh, so now you think I’m crazy? Great!” Magnus exclaims with a hollow laugh.

“No, no one here is crazy,” Alec says, aiming to still sound placid and composed “I just mean that you don’t need to get through that alone with some unhealthy coping mechanism.”

“I’m doing just fine, Alec,” Magnus lies him straight in the eye once again. But now he sounds visibly irritated. “It’s just a few drinks, you’re making it bigger than it is-“

“I’m really not, Magnus.” Alec can’t help his voice growing into volume. “It starts like this, but then it only grows and gets worse and,” He exhales heavily “how is it better than me self-harming?”

He knows it’s harsh, but in the end, this and drinking are both unhealthy coping mechanisms. If Magnus continues to drink, he’ll end up hurting himself too, his body is only able to take so much.

“This is completely different,” Magnus points out, but Alec saw how he flinched earlier.

“It’s not that different,” Alec shakes his head “I just don’t want you to hurt yourself-“

“I won’t,” Magnus interrupts him harshly “and this,” He points to the alcohol at the edge of the skin “is just pointless. You’re aware I can just go and buy more?”

“I trust you won’t do that,” Alec says, but actually thinks _I hope you won’t do that_.

They stare at each other for a moment then, none of them saying anything and Alec can’t read Magnus’ expression.

“This is ridiculous,” Magnus states and these are his last words before leaving the kitchen.

Alec can’t help the tears pricking in his eyes. He closes them to prevent them from flowing, but it’s not helping too much. He feels helpless and lost. He’s never been in such a situation and to be honest, he doesn’t know how to act. It all just feels too overwhelming, in the worst way. The man he loves is in pain and there’s nothing he can do about it.

With the rest of the alcohol draining away, Alec feels his hope doing the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed the chapter, let me know what you think below! :)  
Is Alec going to handle all of this one his own, with Magnus asking him not to tell anyone? Can Magnus break out of his habit? Leave your thoughts in the comments and I'll see you next week with another chapter!


	28. The Habits

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus falls deeper into unhealthy habits.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!  
First of all, I want to apologise for the delay. A lot of things were happening, both in the world and in my private life. The good thing is that I'm officially done with my exams, which means I'm back! Thank you so much for your patience ❤  
I know that the chapters now are quite stressful and angsty, but it has to be a bit worse before it gets better, remember that. WARNINGS: unhealthy coping mechanism, drinking that is and mentions of mental illness.
> 
> Enjoy the read!

The weekend is quiet between them.

It’s like they barely talk, because every single word may turn into a fight. Magnus knows that it’s his fault, that he’s the one to blow up, while Alec is as always the calm, reserved one. He doesn’t know how to stop it, how to control himself.

Same when it comes to drinking.

Every time he promises himself that it’s just going to be one glass, just to relax and get away from his thoughts. But somehow, one turns into two, two into three and further on…

It’s not like he cares about it too much. It’s nothing bad, and it does help him forget. If only Alec could see it…

Besides, he’s doing fine, he’s back at work, yet another futile attempt at chasing away the thoughts of Asmodeus. It feels like he’s nested into Magnus’ brain, even though he’s out of their lives. It’s horrible, how Magnus can still feel him there, hear his words, his threats, but even the nice comments. It hurts because it was never true.

Most of the times, the world feels blurry around him. He can’t focus on anything, his senses are kind of dimed. He doesn’t really care anymore. He deserves everything that’s crashing on him now, for being such an idiot.

The worst thing is, that all of his awful moods are hitting back at Alec. And God, how he does hate it…

He sees it, which is terrible because he somehow still can’t find the strength in himself to change. Sometimes it hurts too much to even get out of bed in the morning, the more to thing through every single of his moves, every action.

Magnus just wants to sleep for the next five years, or better, erase all of the memories of his father. Or turn back time and listen to Alec from the start.

One thing is sure, Magnus is never going to take Alec’s worries and words for granted again. He’s known that his boyfriend is a great judge of character, way better than him at least, so why didn’t that trigger any of rightful reactions in him when it comes to Asmodeus, while Alec was being clear about his suspicions? 

What ifs are even worse now, Magnus’ head can’t take it. A drink would be nice on the other hand.

Alec pretends to be busy with studying the whole weekend, or maybe he really is busy and it’s such a nice coincidence that he has a valid reason for avoiding him. Magnus kind of glides down through the apartment, not quite able to find his own place. His eyes keep returning to the bottles that Alec emptied, ridding him of any chances for some sort of release for the whole weekend.

He doesn’t want Alec to see him drink again if it bothers him so much. So he’ll have to be careful. There’s nothing he can do while Alec is constantly in the house. His classes on Monday will be Magnus’ blessing he can feel it.

He wants things to go back to how they were, without this tense atmosphere between them. He can do this, keep the drinking on the down-low not to concern Alec and become the loving boyfriend he used to be.

_If I ever really was_… Magnus wonders.

But well, if he wants things to go back to normal, he has to try to at least pretend to be fine. In time, he will adjust, he’s been through that.

“What are you doing?” Magnus asks as he settles himself on the couch next to Alec on Sunday afternoon. It takes a moment for his boyfriend to turn back from the book he’s been busing himself with.

“Studying…” He answers with a sigh. “I’m going to take the bar exam in like 2 months and everything is such a mess.”

“Well, you’re leading a legal case. I’m sure this exam is just a formality to you,” Magnus retorts as he lays his palm on Alec’s shoulder reassuringly. His whole body feels tense, Magnus is not sure if it’s only because of him being stressed with studying, or with everything else.

“I wish,” Alec exhales heavily again.

Well, he doesn’t seem in the mood to talk. Magnus can’t blame him, he wouldn’t want to talk to himself too. God, his hand is just itching to get a drink. His whole body just craves that.

Instead, he squeezes Alec’s shoulder.

“You should relax,” He says.

“Rarely the time for that now, right?” Alec turns over a page, but there’s a hint of a smile on his lips. Magnus has missed seeing him smile, he wishes there was something he could do to make this smile bigger, but he doesn’t find any words to say that may brighten Alec.

“Let me give you a massage then,” Magnus proposes and Alec turns to him with a raised eyebrow. Magnus shrugs in answer “you can continue to study and I will take care of the rest.”

Alec eyes him precisely for a short moment, but in the end, gives a slow nod.

“Okay…” He moves into a more comfortable position, his back facing Magnus now, the textbook still opened on his lap.

Magnus starts to knead his shoulders, first gently but then more firmly, trying to release at least a bit of tension there. It seems to be working since soon Alec lets out a breathy gasp.

“Good?” Magnus leans in closer to him, almost brushing his lips against the side of his neck. Alec answers with yet another gruff breath.

“I can’t concentrate,” He admits after a while, the book in his lap abandoned and closed as he leans back into Magnus’ moving hands. And well, Magnus is only a man, so he can’t resist anymore and finally touches his lips to the soft skin of Alec’s neck, laying a few gently kisses till he reaches his jaw. Alec lets out a husky exhale at the touch, but then abruptly pulls back.

“I have to study, Magnus,” He says as he turns to face him on the couch. Magnus can’t help, but notice that he looks slightly uncomfortable now, he hasn’t seen that look on Alec in a long time.

“Right, of course,” Magnus leans back on the couch. He’s not offended, it’s just weird. It’s been weird between them for far too long now.

“Thank you, it was really nice,” Alec adds, but begins to gather up his stuff “but I have to focus and…” He trails off, as if not sure what to say. “I’ll be in the bedroom.”

Magnus nods and a moment later Alec disappears further into the apartment.

It shouldn’t be a surprise, but it still hits pretty hard. Magnus knew that Alec would eventually stop wanting him. What he didn’t know, was to it’s going to be so soon. And as much as he doesn’t want to lose him, for Alec’s sake, he can’t let him stay with him for pity.

He wants to believe that Alec means it when he says that he’s not going to leave… but why wouldn’t he? There are no valid reasons for him to stay, Magnus can’t give him anything.

All he can do is get ready for yet another disaster in his life. One that he’s not sure he’s ever going to get up afterwards.

Magnus pretends not to notice the weird stares he gets at work from his friends. He can tell that they’re worried.

Telling them the truth would break both him and them.

They mostly work in silence, which is too bad, because when it’s quiet the voice of Asmodeus is louder in his head. Now it’s quiet at home with Alec, quiet at work… Magnus just really needs something to drown the thoughts in his mind.

Sometime during the day, Raphael shows up at the lab, but he clearly hesitates if he should go in. Magnus doesn’t pay much attention to him, he has better things to do.

But when he approaches him directly, then he can’t ignore him anymore.

“If you’re here to yell at me for taking another leave, then just do it quickly,” Magnus says, not bothering to look up from the work he’s doing, but he catches his boss wince at his words.

“No, I actually…” Raphael clears his throat “I wanted to apologize.”

Well, that makes Magnus lookup. When he does, he sees that his friend is way more nervous than he’s probably ever seen him. It’s unusual for Raphael, he’s good at hiding behind his poker face. Now it’s completely gone.

“Can we talk in my office, please?” The boss prompts and Magnus doesn’t really find any words, too shocked at his friend’s breaking façade, so he nods and a moment later both of them exit the room.

When they settle into his office, Raphael appears only to be more tensed. He sits in his office chair, as Magnus takes the place opposite him and waits for whatever he’s about to say.

“So, yeah I…” Raphael takes yet another composing exhale “I wanted to apologize for being an asshole. I’m sorry, you are great at your job and I’m stressed, but I should never take it out on my employees, and especially friends.”

Magnus wasn’t quite expecting such a confession, but he does appreciate it. He just nods.

“And I…” Raphael clearly braces himself for what’s next “I wasn’t fully honest with you.”

Magnus frowns at his words but still waits for him to continue.

“You asked me many times if something was wrong and I always denied,” His friend carries on, “I think I should tell you the reason for me being so stressed and tense,”

“Raphael, you don’t have too,” Magnus tries, because he’s not sure if he can take other person’s troubles on now, but the man shakes his head.

“No, Magnus, really. I wasn’t being fair to you when all you were trying to do was help. When you left… I know it was just a few days, but… I felt like I lost you?” His tone turns kind of questioning. “Both as a friend and employee. I mean, you’re great, you could find a better job in a blink of an eye. But still, you’re here, which I very much appreciate.”

Magnus tries hard not to wince at his words. He wanted to leave, he would have left his friends if only his father’s offer was real.

He still lets Raphael continue.

“Do you remember my sister?” Raphael’s question takes him aback, but he nods.

“Rosa, yeah I do,” Magnus answers. His boss doesn’t speak a lot about his family, rarely ever did. But Magnus knows that Raphael’s younger sister, Rosa, is still back in Mexico with their mom.

“We found out she is sick,” Raphael admits after a moment of silence “it’s probably a bipolar disorder.”

Magnus sinks back into his chair. God, it couldn’t have been easy for Raphael.

“I took her here, so she could get better healthcare… Maybe go to some institution to help her. My family is… I mean, it’s not like we’re short for money, but my mom just lost a job, and I keep sending them money, but… there are more possibilities to treat her here, in New York.”

More sympathetic expression forms on Magnus’ face as he nods.

“I’m so sorry, Raphael,” He says gently “It can’t be easy to take care of her all by yourself.”

“Yeah, it’s not but it’s not the thing actually,” His friend confesses and then sighs “we’ve encountered some troubles with her health insurance… I don’t want to dig into the details, but it’s a mess and she may even get deported now, and I just… I’m trying to do what I can, but it’s really bad and very scary.”

Magnus lets out a deep exhale on his own and closes his eyes briefly as he takes in the information. He had no idea how hard it was for Raphael. True, he did ask but didn’t want to push. It explains Raphael’s bad moods and temper. It’s not fair how he took it out on them at work, but still… it’s a lot of stress for him.

“Why didn’t you tell any of us earlier?” Magnus asks after none of them says anything for a long while. “We would have been there for you, I would have been there for you.”

“I know, but…” He hesitates again before speaking “I didn’t think I deserve your help. I’ve been terrible to you with this whole thing with Camille, Magnus-“

“It doesn’t matter, we left it all behind,” Magnus reminds him “You know I would have tried to help you. Hell, Alec is basically a lawyer, he could for sure offer some legal advice for this.”

“Yeah, but I… I felt ashamed,” His friend admits and Magnus frowns at him “the way I spoke about Alec after his brother died… how I tried to brush it off, said that he should be able to handle himself without your help… It was so wrong and now I see it, even more, when my sister goes into one of those episodes… I had no idea how bad it can be sometimes, I don’t deserve Alec’s help after treating him like this. Same goes to you.”

That’s true, Raphael hadn’t been supportive or respecting back then. But if Magnus held everything against everyone… The most important thing is that he’s grown to understand how wrong he was. Magnus still hates that he had to learn the hard way though.

Raphael can be problematic, but no one deserves such a hardship dropped on them so suddenly.

“Raphael…” Magnus trails off, not really sure what to say.

He’s been so focused on his own problems, that he forgot that others may have them too. Recently he’s been a terrible friend and boyfriend. Didn’t pay enough attention, just wasn’t there for everyone he should be.

“Besides, you said that Alec’s busy with that case of his, I’ll figure something out. I don’t want you to worry, I just wanted you to know.” Raphael retorts ultimately. “Thank you for listening and from now on, I promise to be better.”

Magnus nods again and attempts a smile, but fails miserably, which unfortunately catches Raphael’s attention.

“Are you okay?” He asks worriedly.

“I’m fine,” Magnus nods instantly “thank you for telling me all this, I understand you better now. I just…” He gets up from the chair and gestures towards the exit “I should get back to work.”

“Magnus if something is-“

“Everything is great,” Magnus interrupts swiftly “I just have a lot of things to do, I’ll see you around.”

Without really waiting for any response, Magnus rushes to leave the office, letting out a long exhale when the door closes behind him.

He’s been cursing Raphael in his mind for being such an asshole, having no idea what he’s been going through this whole time. Through his whole life, he’s been repeating to himself that he should not judge by appearance, because you never know what a person is going through. And for the last few months, since Asmodeus showed up, it seems that Magnus has been breaking basically every single of his rules.

He’s still breathing heavily when he gets back to the lab. And of course, the universe must hate him, because as soon as he calms down, Dot shows up at his desk.

“Look,” She starts, her voice firm but not lacking the worried frame “I don’t know what’s up and I’m not going to push you to talk. I just hope that Alec is fine and… Well, we thought,” She points at Aline and Helen deeper into the lab “that with whatever’s going on, you need some time to relax. So we’re taking you out for a drink after work,” She announces with a smile.

He should say no. But basically, every fibre of his body is begging him to say yes. It’s a perfect opportunity, he’ll go and relax with his friends, have a few drinks without Alec complaining to him…

“Okay,” He replies and Dot beams at him.

“Great! So maybe I should also give Cat and Ragnor a call-“

“No,” Magnus says a bit too quickly and his friend glances at him with a frown. Cat and Ragnor will be too difficult to fool, he knows that. Ragnor will recognize something is wrong the moment he sees him. Magnus can’t let that happen, for all of their sakes “I just mean that I’m not in the mood for too many people around. You girls are fine, just no one more, okay?”

Dot doesn’t drop her confused gaze but nods slowly.

“Alright, I’ll let the girls know,” She retorts and walks away to join Aline and Helen.

_That was a close one_, Magnus thinks. A bit too close. He has to be more careful.

After his drunk fuck up back with Asmodeus, Magnus promised himself not to ever leave Alec uninformed of where he is and what he’s up to. So he’s aware that he has to call him now. He just hopes his boyfriend won’t be too suspicious.

After they leave Alicante’s building, Magnus decides to do the thing he’s been dreading since he realised he has to do this. Alec picks up almost immediately.

“Hey babe, what’s up?”

“Everything’s okay…” _Magnus, just get this over with_. “I just wanted to let you know that I’m going out with the girls from work.” He bites his lip, awaiting Alec’s answer. There’s a moment of silence before he speaks.

“Where are you headed?” He asks then, his tone not really betraying any emotions.

“Just to get some dinner,” Magnus lies and hates himself a little bit more for it.

“Okay…” Alec sounds like he’s unsure, still rethinking his words. Magnus knows that he doesn’t need his permission to go out, he just doesn’t want to upset him “do you know when you’ll be back?”

“Two, three hours?” Magnus guesses. “I’ll stay in touch.”

“Alright, have fun then,” Alec’s response is a bit more confident now. “I love you.”

“Love you too, darling.”

Well, it wasn’t that bad. Magnus exhales and joins his friends that have been waiting a few steps further.

“Ready?” Aline questions with a smile as he approaches them. Magnus nods and they all set on the way.

They end up in The Hunter’s Moon, talking over drinks. Actually, the girls are doing most of the talking. Magnus mostly stays quiet and tries to pay attention to them. Dot must be done with this scenario since soon she addresses him directly.

“So what did Raphael want to talk to you about?” She asks, taking a sip of her margarita.

“He wanted to apologize, actually,” Magnus admits, but his friends don’t seem as surprised as he was.

“He was meaning to do that,” Helen supplies helpfully.

“Yeah, he’s been feeling pretty bad about yelling at you and stuff,” Aline adds, her arm wrapped around Helen’s waist “then you left and he felt really guilty. He talked to us too, I think we kind of helped him realise how much of an asshole he was.” She chuckles.

“Thanks then,” Magnus answers absently, drowning the rest of his whiskey and already signalling the bartender for another.

“And why were you gone actually?” Dot tries for the question to sound casual, but she can’t quite hide the curiosity behind it. Magnus just shrugs.

“Come on, Magnus,” Helen chimes in gently “you know you can tell us.”

“Yeah, even Alec was very secretive about this whole thing. You know we’re just worried,” Dot says and something does catch his attention in this sentence.

“You talked to Alec?” He questions alarmingly.

“Yeah,” Dot frowns again “you sounded weird when you called in for the day off. I wanted to know everything is okay, so I called him. He just said you were taking care of some personal stuff.”

“Because that’s what I was doing,” Magnus plays along “I had to… sort some things out.”

Dot eyes him precisely for a few more seconds but eventually seems to decide that she won’t take anything more out of him, so she drops it.

“So, how’s Alec?” Aline asks, clearly trying to switch to a better subject.

“He’s great. Graduating soon, so he’s focused on exams and stuff,” Magnus replies with a small smile.

“Yeah, he’s going to be such an amazing lawyer,” Helen agrees after sipping on her drink “You’ll have someone to save you from any shady situations,” She teases, but Magnus can’t help, but wince at how accurate her words are.

Alec is his life saviour in basically every meaning of this word.

He’s not sure how much he’s had to drink, but soon Magnus finds himself talking some nonsense.

His words are coming out all tangled together, he doesn’t really know what he’s talking about, but Aline and Helen seem to be amused by his drunken rumbling. Dot’s expression stays quite reserved.

“I mean, he’s so whole-heartedly kind,” Magnus supposes he’s talking about Alec, but he has lost the thread some sentences ago. He drowns yet another glass of whiskey and points with his finger not sure at what, but he wants to emphasise his word “people are going to use it against him.”

“Alec is a smart man,” Aline assures him with a dismissive wave of the hand “I’m sure he can handle this kind of false people.”

“You’re so right!” Magnus literally groans as he throws his head back. “He’s such a great judge of character though, way better than I am. I mean, I trusted Camille, then my father, while he always knew…” Magnus just trails off.

“Your father?” Dot catches up with his words quickly. “What about your father?”

Magnus shrugs, taking a sip of his drink.

“Magnus, I’m serious-” Dot pushes, but then Magnus feels his phone vibrate in his pocket.

“Saved by the bell,” He chuckles as he pulls it out to see Alec’s name on the screen. He smiles as he picks up and greets in a cheerful tone “oh hello, my love.”

“Magnus, it’s been almost three hours and I don’t want to exaggerate, but-“ Alec suddenly stops his rumbling as he takes in his boyfriend’s tone “wait, are you drunk?”

“Who? Me? Of course not, my darling.” Magnus responds innocently, the words coming out all tied up together. Alec exhales heavily from the other line.

“Where are you?”

“Out, I told you, silly,” Magnus laughs lightly.

“I’m serious, Magnus.” Alec’s voice grows more irritated.

Magnus opens his mouth to respond, but suddenly his phone is ripped away from his ear.

“Alec, it’s Dot,” His friend starts and only then Magnus notices her disapproving expression “we’re at The Hunter’s Moon.” Alec must be saying something since Dot stops talking for a moment. “Yeah, sure. I’m sorry, I didn’t know-. Alright, thank you.” She hangs up and passes the phone to Magnus, at the same time plucking Magnus’ half-full glass out of his hand. “I think you’ve had enough,” She tries to say gently, but it still comes out a bit accusingly.

“You’re right,” Magnus leans back in his seat and pushes the glass away, nearly spilling in “I’m such an idiot,” He whines and then laughs hollowly “I have such amazing friends, the best boyfriend and I wanted to leave this all behind.”

“What are you talking about?” Helen asks confusingly after glancing at Aline. All of the amusement vaporizes from their faces. Before Magnus gets to say anything more and explain, Dot cuts in.

“I think we should cut this short,” She retorts “go ahead. I’ll wait with Magnus till Alec picks him up.”

“Alexander is coming and you’re only telling me now!” Magnus addresses Dot offendedly.

“Yeah, he’ll be here soon,” She says, but then addresses Aline ad Helen again “Go, we’ll be fine.”

“Okay…” Helen trails off and offers her hand to Aline, which she gladly takes and slides out of their booth. Soon they’re both on the way towards the exit.

“They’re such a nice couple,” Magnus stares after them dreamily “I wish me and Alec could be this happy. Instead, he’s going to leave me soon,” He’s only vaguely aware that he says these words out loud instead of in his head.

“Magnus, stop with this bullshit,” Dot scowls him “Alec’s not leaving you.”

“We’ll see,” Magnus shrugs casually.

“Let’s go outside,” His friend shakes her head with resignation “you clearly need some air.”

Dot somehow manages to lead him out of the bar. Magnus stumbles slightly, but eventually succeeds in stepping through the main entrance, and soon he’s leaning against the cold wall, waiting for his boyfriend to come.

“You know, I really considered quitting,” Magnus suddenly speaks, not caring and not being aware which words are leaving his mouth.

Dot, who’s been looking around and shiver slightly, turns to him.

“What?”

“If only my father wasn’t an asshole…” Magnus trails off with a sigh “And Alec did warn me.”

“I literally have no idea what you’re talking about, Magnus.” Dot retorts resignedly.

Well, Magnus resolves that he’s too tired to explain, so he just stays quiet. After a while, he finally spots Alec, rushing towards them. Magnus wishes there was a smile on his face, he really misses his smile.

“Hi,” Alec greets Dot and squeezes her shoulder reassuringly before approaching Magnus.

“My love, my superhero,” Magnus offers him a lazy smile and throws his arms around his shoulder, so soon Alec is holding him up, as he tucks his cold face in the warmth of his boyfriend’s neck, smiling pleasingly.

“I’m so sorry,” Dot starts, but Magnus doesn’t pay any attention to her, way too comfortable in Alec’s embrace, focusing on the feel of his heated skin “I knew something was wrong, but I thought maybe going out would help him relax or something… I should have stopped him from drinking earlier-“

“Dot, it’s okay,” Alec assures “you didn’t know. It’s fine.”

“Alec, but seriously, what’s going on?” She asks, more urgently. “He’s been talking nonsense the whole evening and-“

“Shh,” Magnus whispers or at least thinks he achieves a lower tone “don’t say anything, Alexander. You promised you wouldn’t tell.”

Magnus can feel Alec exhale heavily.

“I’ll talk to you later, okay?” Alec tells Dot and the woman nods eventually but doesn’t look pleased with the answer. “I have to get him home now. And please tell Raphael that Magnus will be taking a few days off again.”

“See how kind he is?” Magnus whines and sinks more into Alec. He’s not sure where and when Dot disappeared, but after a moment, suddenly he and Alec are next to their car. “I don’t want to let you go, darling.” Magnus pouts, clinging onto him more tightly.

“Magnus, please get into the car, I really don’t have any strength to deal with this now,” Alec’s tone is firm and he does sound tired.

“Bummer,” Magnus pouts harder and says under his breath, but does as Alec said, catching his boyfriend’s eye roll before he goes to circle the car and takes driver’s seat next to him.

As Magnus settles more comfortable he realises that he’s quite tired too. It’s been a long day. He stretches out in the seat, before turning to his boyfriend. This scene feels oddly familiar.

“We have to stop ending up like this, handsome,” Magnus mumbles sleepily, resisting a yawn. He reaches out with his palm and caresses Alec’s arm clumsily.

“Yeah, I bet whose fault is that,” Alec says in a lower tone and Magnus lets out a chuckle, but his boyfriend doesn’t appear to be any kind of amused. His eyes remain focused on the road and his shoulders are hunched up tensely.

But when Magnus closes his eyes, he dreams of Alec’s smile.

The sun blinds Magnus when he wakes up. With a groan he rolls over to escape the blatant light, only to find the other side of the bed empty.

He’s not sure what he expected after the stunt he pulled out last night. Of course, Alec isn’t here. And besides, it must be already noon or something so he’s probably in class.

Damn it, he was supposed to be careful with this.

But yesterday’s news about Raphael, his friends trying their best to make Magnus feel better… It all became too much and the utter waves of guilt that’s been crashing over him felt like a whole freaking ocean was suddenly poured over his shoulder. Way too much to bear.

It’s not easy and his aching head protests with every move, but eventually Magnus manages to get out of bed and glide out of the room. He needs water and probably some aspirin.

He didn’t actually expect to see his boyfriend sitting tensely on the living room’s couch, his leg bouncing nervously by his side.

“Good morning-“ Magnus tries, but know that the morning won’t be good for any of them.

“We need to talk,” Alec barely lets Magnus finish as his head whips in his direction. With a heavy sigh, Magnus moves to take the place next to him.

_So that’s it_, he thinks, this incredible pain forming in his chest, something he’s never even considered he would be facing. _This is him breaking up with me_.

He can think that he’s ready, but he’ll never be. He’s been trying to prepare, but nothing could ever prepare him for this.

“I’m sorry about last night,” If this is the last time he speaks to Alec, he wants to come clean about everything.

“I know you are,” Alec nods to himself, his eyes still not meeting Magnus’. He exhales heavily. “I don’t know what to do,” He admits and shakes his head lightly, trying to compose himself.

“Just say it,” Magnus’ voice breaks a little.

“Say what?” Alec asks, finally looking up. The confusion is evident in his eyes.

Well, Magnus won’t be able to say it either. These words won’t make it through the lump forming in his throat. He should end if for both of their sakes, but… he just can’t.

“Whatever you want to say,” Magnus shrugs in an attempt not to show how vulnerable he feels now.

“I don’t…” Alec sighs again, clearly not sure about what to say too. Unexpectedly, he reaches for Magnus’ hand and tangles their fingers together “I don’t know how to help you, Magnus.”

“It’s not your job to help me-“ Magnus shakes his head, but Alec swiftly interrupts him.

“So what? I’m supposed to sit by and watch you suffer. No, this isn’t right.”

“Alexander-“

“Magnus, I’ve been trying,” Alec says in a withering tone “but you have to try too. You need to fight this-“

“You think I haven’t been trying?” Magnus asks, trying for his tone not to come out too offended. “Of course I have, it’s just not that easy.”

“It doesn’t feel like you’ve been,” Alec retorts resignedly “I’m aware that it’s difficult Magnus, but if we can’t handle this together, just the two of us, then it’s no shame to ask for help. You taught me that,” He squeezes his hand a bit tighter.

“Alec, we talked about it…” Magnus basically whispers.

“Yeah, and I’ve been giving you time. But it’s becoming bigger than both of us. You have to talk to someone.”

“You can’t force me,” Magnus can’t help but go into his defensive mode.

“I know, but look at what you’re doing, Magnus,” Alec says desperately “I was sceptical when you called me yesterday that you’re going out, but I thought, fuck it, maybe that really is what you need. And then you just…” He sighs with frustration “I trusted you not to pull anything of, Magnus. You violated this trust.”

God, he’s becoming worse and worse every day. Losing Alec’s trust… After everything they’ve been through, he’s never imagined it coming to that. But he’s right. He acted like a total idiot. But he can’t take it back now.

He just wanted not to think for a while. The alcohol helps with that.

“I’m sorry,” He feels like he’s repeating himself, but there really isn’t anything else he could say.

“This isn’t fair, Magnus,” Alec shakes his head again. “It’s not fair, that you’re still acting like you don’t care about anything, you don’t want to acknowledge what happened and ask me to stay quiet about it. Do you think it’s easy for me? Everyone keeps asking and I have to lie to them, to my friends, my family. But I do it because I respect you and your wishes. But how much longer, Magnus? I do everything you ask me for and to show your gratitude you decide to go out and get drunk?”

Magnus doesn’t have an answer for him. His words cut deep, but only because they’re true. And he wishes so much that he could change… but it may be too late for that. Everything has already gone too far.

“Alec…” Magnus begins in a quiet tone “nothing really keeps you here. With me, I mean.”

“Stop saying that!” Alec almost yells, but his voice comes out thickly wet. He gets up from the couch and starts pacing the room. “I can take it when you’re drunk and talking nonsense, but you’re sober now and you keep saying that I should leave. Does that not reach you, that I want to be with you? Better and worse. Is that what you want Magnus, for me to leave?”

Magnus closes his eyes, but for the first time in a long while, he decides to tell the truth.

“That’s the last thing I want, Alexander. But I don’t deserve you, not after how much I’ve hurt you.”

Without him, Magnus would break completely. He’s sure of it. Right now, Alec is his only force. And only hope.

_And you keep hurting him, you idiot. _

Alec exhales but returns to his place next to Magnus.

“Then start telling me what you want and what you need, because reading you gets pretty exhausting recently,” Magnus is surprised to hear the teasing note in his voice, he smiles lightly but then Alec adds more firmly. “I just want the best for you. And I’m sure we can get through this. If we both try our hardest.”

The ball is on his side now. Alec’s right. He’s been doing everything, no matter how small, that Magnus asked of him, even if it meant lying to his family. He didn’t even realise how much it affects Alec too.

He has to try harder, for himself and both of them.

He can’t let his father win. This is exactly what he wanted.

“So,” Alec’s voice pulls him out of his thoughts “what do you need now?”

This is easy, it’s a simple question. He can do this.

“I want you to hold me,” He confesses and Alec smiles at him softly, opening his arms. When Magnus falls into them, he feels a tiny bit better.

But it feels like the problems just keep multiplying. Asmodeus may be gone, but he left permanent damage on all of them. He’s changed Magnus for the worse, and even if he wants to belive he can be back to being himself, he’s not sure if that’s a task he’ll be able to take now. Not with how broken he is now.

The demons are still here, and they will be harder to fight than he can even imagine. Love can’t fix everything, never could. And old habits die hard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! As always, I want to know all of your thoughts so share them down below!  
Are we making some progress? Do you think Magnus will try to break out of this unhealthy habit? I'll see you on Monday (yes, we're going back to normal update schedule 😊) with some answers! 
> 
> Also, if you haven't yet please check out this very helpful [carrd](https://blm-helpfullinks.carrd.co/), sign petitions, donate to #BlackLivesMatter if you can and see all the other ways you can help!


	29. The War

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec makes some sacrifices, the trail comes to an end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, we're back with Malec Monday 😊  
still some struggling, but slowly, some things are finishing up, like the trail... Let's see the results of it. May I just remind you, that I am not a lawyer, so whatever legal matters are probably far away from the truth. WARNINGS: mentions of self-harm and mental illness. And drinking, again.
> 
> Enjoy the read!

Every time Alec comes back home to find Magnus drunk, it feels like he’s lost his own personal battle.

He doesn’t even want to think about the times Magnus tried to hide it from him. When he gets back to the loft late and his boyfriend is already asleep, Alec can only imagine what scenario must have been happening during the day.

It feels like their home reeks of whiskey and failure recently.

Alec tries to look for some progress, but there rarely is any. Every time he wants to celebrate a little victory when Magnus has been sober for two days, tell his boyfriend that he’s proud of him, Magnus turns out to be drunk when he returns home.

It’s not easy, no one said it would be, but Alec can’t deny that he isn't tired. He is and slowly, everything is becoming too much.

At least the case is coming to an end. One matter out of his hair.

But Alec has his priorities straight. Magnus is the most important and he’s aware that he has to devote more time to supervise him. Basically, every free minute he has, he spends checking in with his boyfriend. He gets back home at every free period he has, although he should really use them to study with his upcoming exams. But still, it doesn’t feel like enough. The case is in its crucial phase and if Alec misses too many meeting, his mom will become even more suspicious and he’ll need to lie to her again. He hates it.

He doesn’t let Magnus get back to work until he knows he’s fully back to sobriety. Alec doesn’t care what Raphael thinks about it, Magnus’ health is way more important. He needs to heal first.

If there is anything Alec can to gain more time to take care of Magnus, he’ll do it.

And there actually is one thing he can let go off. With a heavy heart, but he’ll do it.

That’s why on Monday evening he finds himself at Starkweather’s office door. Probably for the last time ever.

With a heavy sigh, Alec knocks on the door. He still owes his boss an explanation for running out on him that Saturday morning. The truth is, he just really haven’t had the time to stop by the law firm.

After receiving an invitation, Alec slowly opens the door and enters the room. Before he gets to say anything, Starkweather holds his hand up.

“You don’t have to say anything,” He begins and Alec stops in the doorway, confused “I received a phone call from the Philadelphia’s PD.” He smiles at Alec and gestures him in to take a seat “They’ve caught the drug lord thanks to a young gentleman’s help.”

Alec returns the smile a bit as he sits down in front of the man. He can’t help but reminisce at how great of a mentor Starkweather has been to him. How understanding and patient he’s been. How much he’s trusting and believing in Alec, even when Alec himself doesn’t.

“I’m not sure how you knew,” Starkweather continues “but what matters is that you did. I guess congratulations are in order now.”

“Thank you,” Alec replies politely “but it really isn’t my merit.”

“That instinct of yours, Alec,” Starkweather points a curious finger at him “it will lead you to great places. You just have to continue to listen to it and you’ll be fine. Not a lot of lawyers have this kind of innate ability.”

Alec slots his palms together, nervously rubbing them together. He appreciates his words so much. If there’s anything he’s learnt these past few months is to never underestimate his intuition. It’s never failed him, even in the hardest moments, even when he doubted.

And God, Starkweather sounds so proud and happy for him. Alec hates that he has to ruin that.

“Look, Alec, I don’t want to dig into whatever personal matter it might have been connected with. What matters to me, is that you didn’t commit any crimes or such. I never believed you would, so seriously everything is good. I hope that besides whatever happened back then, you and whoever was involved is okay.”

Alec nods, because what else is he supposed to say. He’s not going to unload his worries onto his boss.

“Everything’s okay,” Alec exhales shakily “I’m here to speak about something else actually.”

“I’m all ears then,” The boss leans back onto his chair.

Here it goes.

“I have to quit the internship.”

Quick, and hopefully painless, like ripping off a bandage.

Starkweather looks at him with widened eyes, as if not sure he’s heard right. Alec’s been working here for quite a while now, and he’s never seen his boss so taken aback and confused. He sits and waits for some kind of reaction, biting his lip nervously.

“I…” Starkweather begins eventually, clearly struggling to put together some response. He leans in and rests his elbows on the desk now “where did such a decision come from?”

“I just…” Now it’s Alec’s turn to hesitate, trying to form a reply that will be sufficient “some personal matters came up. I’m forced to quit, I’m sorry. I just need time to figure the trouble out and… yeah.”

Starkweather considers him with a slow nod. Then he lets out a sigh that just sounds incredibly miserable.

“I’m not going to pretend that I’m not surprised, Alec,” He retorts after a moment “but I do understand. Life is unexpected.”

_And unfair_, Alec thinks but doesn’t add. Instead, he just nods.

“And I have to admit, it is unfortunate,” The man carries on “I was really looking forward to working with you more in the future. We were seriously considering to hire you full time.”

So Underhill was right. He was this close to getting the job.

“Thank you, that’s very flattering,” Alec replies. Some part of him does mourn the lost opportunity, but there are more important things than a job now. Besides, he's never considered staying at Starkweather's at a longshot, it had to come to an end somehow. 

Starkweather eyes him precisely for another moment and then speaks again.

“But we don’t have to end it now, Alec,” He retorts with a shrug “you could still work here.”

“But I won’t complete the internship,” Alec frowns.

“Ah, I’m sure we can make an excuse for someone as great as you,” Starkweather waves his hand dismissively with a smile.

And God, it’s very tempting. He hasn’t even graduated yet, he would have a stable job already, no matter how his exams will go. And it is one of the best law firms in the city…

But if Alec accepted, he’d broken his own rule. It wouldn’t be fair. The job is offered to an intern who completes the internship in full. Alec won’t be able to do that. He can’t take away someone’s opportunity. It would argue with all of his values, justice among them.

“So,” Starkweather prompts, still waiting for an answer “what do you say to that?”

“It’s a wonderful offer,” Alec starts and the man brightens up “but I can’t accept it. It wouldn’t be fair to the rest of the interns. I’m sorry.”

He expects Starkweather’s expression to fall, but instead, it’s overcome with a bit of a softer smile.

“Ever so righteous,” He says with an approving nod “I don’t mean it in a bad way, by all means. You’re a great man, Alec.”

Alec smiles again. It wasn’t an easy decision, so he’s glad Starkweather won’t hold that against him, that they are going to part in those friendly conditions.

“So I really wanted to thank you for everything you’ve ever done for me,” Alec states then “your advice have been very helpful and I do feel like I’ve learnt a lot here. Thank you for giving me this opportunity.”

“The pleasure was all mine, I assure you,” Starkweather says with a smile, but Alec can’t help but notice the poignant edge to it. He does seem to be sad to let Alec go. Somehow for Alec, it’s building up, that such a great personality in the law scene has such a high opinion of him.

Starkweather stands up from his seat and rounds his desk as Alec mirrors the move. He put a hand on Alec’s shoulder and considers him for a brief moment.

“I hope you’ll figure everything out,” He says genuinely “you’re always welcomed here, please remember that.”

He holds out his hand for Alec to shake and they clasp their palms firmly together.

“Good luck with school and exams, although for you it’s just a formality,” Starkweather states jokingly “and good luck with the case, you’ve been doing an amazing job on that. Remember, trust your instincts, always.”

“I will,” Alec assures him, trying to smile but he can’t help but feel the sadness of this moment “thank you.”

“I hope to see you around, Alec. Take care.” Starkweather adds as he lets go of his hand. Alec nods. Maybe one day they will stand on the opposite sides of the courtroom? Who knows what life plans for them.

Alec allows himself one last look at his now-former boss. Starkweather smiles, and it’s a really proud smile. And Alec thinks that this is what he came here for, to see that he is good. The expression on Starkweather’s face, the pride in his eyes, definitely confirm that he’s not as bad as he thought at the start, as his father told him he is. That he will be no one, that he’s too soft. He has a heart, which gives allows him to understand real people’s problems, to not only do the job but to fight for them, to fight for what’s right. He used to think that it’s a weakness, but that’s actually one of his strongest assets. He’s learnt it here and along the process of his case.

He’s going to make a great lawyer. And even if this day has to wait a bit more, it will be worth it.

Alec pauses at the door as he’s about to leave the room, one more thought forming in his brain. He turns to face the other man again.

“If I can just suggest something,” He pauses, but Starkweather gives him a nod, indicating for him to go on “give Underhill the job, he deserves it.”

Starkweather smiles, as a brief chuckle escapes his lips.

“He was second on the list.”

Alec offers him another smile before leaving, hoping to God that he’ll get to come back here one day. If not to work, then to you pay a visit to his mentor. He closes the door behind him with a sigh. It’s a bittersweet feeling, but it will pass. He does feel like he’s made a good choice.

“Alec, hey,” Alec turns around to see Underhill at the other end of the hallway, a stack of papers in his hands. He takes a few steps to get to him. He should say his goodbyes too “haven’t seen you here in a while.”

“Yeah, and you probably won’t see me much more,” Alec states, but he’s smiling, even though Underhill sends him a confused gaze “I had to quit,” Alec explains and the man’s eyes widen.

“What? I mean, why? Is everything okay?” He asks more worriedly now, Alec nods to dismiss his concerns.

“Life just got a bit too much recently,” He replies and Underhill’s eyes lit up with some more understanding.

“I’m sorry,” He says in an honest tone “I hope everything will be fine soon. I’ll miss you here,”

“Something tells me that you’re going to handle yourself just fine,” Alec can’t help but smirk a little. Underhill considers him with a frown, but then he seems to catch up.

“Wait…”

“Remember when you said you were second on the list?” Alec asks him teasingly, Underhill is too dazed so he only nods “well, it’s true, so you’ll probably get to say here for a long while.”

“Seriously?” The man asks as if still disbelieving.

“Yeah,” Alec replies softly and this, the expression of pure happiness and joy that overcomes Underhill’s face, was worth declining the job offer and being unfair to the rest.

“Oh, my God,” Underhill barely resist the urge to jump up and down with joy “I mean, I’m sad you’re leaving, but-“

“I know, I get it,” Alec assures him, seeing as the guilt begins to make his way on his face. He dismisses it quickly “you’re going to be great here. You deserve it.”

“Thank you, it means a lot coming from you, really,” Underhill states sincerely. Alec smiles again.

“Good luck, Underhill.”

“Same to you.”

Alec really hopes he’s going to be just fine too.

“Alright…” Maryse starts with a heavy exhale as she folds some documents into a neat stack and lays them on the table. She, Josh and Alec are all hulled up at her apartment again, preparing for tomorrow’s last hearing.

After they were forced to plead for the evaluation for Raj, the results confirmed that he suffers from the intermittent explosive disorder, which is what causes his anger issues. But Maryse explains that it doesn’t change a lot, it may shorten the sentence, but they are still pleading for 15 years, the most they can in this situation, considering all of the circumstances. It’s nearly impossible that the judge will convict him for that long, but they’re not backing down.

They’re all tired and it shows. It’s been a long process, but this is the final line. Still, it’s stressful. Alec wishes he could get into the judge’s head and get the sentence from there. The waiting is what’s killing them now.

Tomorrow is mostly formalities. There are no more witnesses or evidence to present, tomorrow the judge will announce the sentence, a day all of them have been waiting for.

“So, I don’t think there are any questions about tomorrow,” Maryse sums up “but if somehow there are, then go on.”

Both Alec and Josh shake their heads.

“Great,” Maryse smiles lightly “I’m proud of both of you. It’s been some stressful and tough few months and you two have been very brave. I can’t imagine any other scenario than him getting locked up. We have nothing to worry about, I promise.”

“I just wanted to say,” Josh starts after a moment “I wanted to thank you both. You, Alec, for urging me to press those charges and stuff, and you, Mrs Lightwood, for doing all this and especially for free-“

“Don’t worry about it,” Maryse assures him with a soft smile “I’m glad I could help.”

“We both are,” Alec adds gently, sending a smile of his own to Josh “but it’s all you. You’re the one who is brave enough to stand up for himself. Whatever happens tomorrow, we did all we could.”

They all nod along to Alec’s words. It’s true, they did everything in their power to make justice happen. Tomorrow, they’ll get to hopefully see it paying off.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, then,” Maryse states as they all begin to gather their stuff “Alec can you stay for a while longer? I want to talk to you.” The woman stops him, putting her palm on his forearm.

He really should get back to Magnus. He’s left him alone for more than enough time to consume another bottle of whiskey. But his mom will become suspicious is he’ll be in a rush to leave.

“Sure,” He replies, even if he almost winces as the word leaves his lip.

They say their goodbyes to Josh and wait till he leaves the apartment, before settling back on the living room’s couch. There’s quiet for a while before Maryse starts to speak.

“Did you manage to come up with something about that caller from the recording?” She asks eventually.

Alec shakes his head.

“No,” He lies and hates it. He wishes he could tell her, but he already told Izzy and Jace. It isn’t fair to Magnus.

Maryse, of course, sees right through him.

“Don’t lie to me, son,” Her voice is not accusatory, more worried and confused.

“I’m not,” Alec tries, even if it’s pointless.

“Alec, if someone is preventing you from saying this, we can handle it. It’s about your safety-“ Maryse explains him tentatively, but Alec interrupts her.

“No, mom. I just really don’t know, okay?”

Maryse eyes him with so much concern that Alec has to drop his gaze. He rubs his palms together under the table, trying to busy himself with something.

“Is Magnus okay?” His mom questions next.

Damn it, why does she have to read him so well.

“Alec, if he or you both are in some kind of trouble-“

“Mom, we’re fine,” Alec cuts her off. He shrugs, but more tires to flex his shoulders to release some tension. It doesn’t help.

“Then what’s going on?” Her voice is almost pleading now.

“Nothing,” Alec is surprised at how his voice breaks. Suddenly, there are tears in his eyes. He has no idea where this sudden outburst came from, but he’s not able to stop it.

He’s just so tired.

“Sweetheart…” Maryse voice sounds wet too as she takes him into her arms. Alec can’t help, but let out a sob.

He pretends to be so strong. In front of everybody, Magnus, his mom, Josh, Starkweather, out there in the court… But in reality, he has no idea what he’s doing. He’s terrified about tomorrow’s hearing, if Raj’s team comes up with something to cross their plans, he’s scared of coming back home and finding Magnus drunk again, of his future, because if he fails his exams, he can basically say goodbye to his lawyer career.

It’s all just too much now.

“I don’t know what I’m doing, mom,” He admits in a shuttering tone, burring himself deeper into his mother’s embrace.

“Honey, you’re doing everything you can, you’re fine.”

It’s not enough. He can’t help Magnus, he’s going to lose the case and let down him mom and Josh and then he’s going to fail his exams and never be able to help anyone ever again like he’s been dreaming off.

“I don’t know how much more I can handle,” He confesses as he calms down a bit. Maryse pulls back and cups his face.

“Listen to me, sweetheart. Don’t doubt yourself now,” She caresses his cheeks delicately, wiping his tears “we’re so close to the end. It’s the last stop.”

Even if this ends, it doesn’t put a stop to Alec’s problems.

“We’re going to be just fine. We’re in this together, son. And we’re winning this,” She tries to convince him with a smile.

And Alec wishes she knew, that he could just tell her everything. She would understand, probably even help him. They would handle it together.

But they can’t. So Alec once again pretends that he’s convinced, that the case is all that worries him. That as soon as they leave the court victorious tomorrow, everything will be perfect again, all of his problems will wash away.

If only it was the truth.

Recently, if a day is packed with emotions and events, it really is full of them. Today, Alec doesn’t even have a moment to catch his breath. He’s been on the campus for more than half of the day, trying to catch up, study and write yet another important exam. He’s got only a little while to return home, change and then he’ll need to run out to make it to the court.

If he wasn’t already stressed, then the pressure of time definitely adds to it.

He silently prays for no unexpected events today.

Thank God he can use the car today. _Silver linings, Alec_. He thinks to himself. _Try to focus on them._

When he eventually returns home after the day full of classes, he rushes to the bedroom to get into the suit Maryse forced him to wear to the hearing.

“Magnus?” He calls out into the apartment, checking in.

“In the kitchen, love.” A response comes a moment later, so Alec exhales and lets himself relax, fixing up his shirt in the mirror.

It’s time to get this done.

Alec strides to the kitchen to say goodbye to his boyfriend, also silently hoping for some good luck words. That is if Magnus even remembers what today is. Alec wouldn’t actually blame him if he didn’t. He’s got enough on his plate now.

“Okay, I have to-“ Alec starts as he enters the kitchen, but stops in his tracks as he notices the movement of Magnus turning to him, clearly hiding something behind his back.

“Oh, don’t you look dashing, my darling,” Magnus says, or more mumbles, the words coming out tangled together.

Fuck, not today.

He’s been too caught up in all of the things he still has to get done today, that he didn’t even catch the slight change in Magnus’ voice as he returned to the apartment.

“What are you doing?” Alec asks, praying that he could be wrong, although he’s sure he’s not. He can recognize when his boyfriend’s drunk. Lastly, even more than ever.

“What am I doing?” Magnus just repeats in this cheerful tone. “Clearly admiring my amazing boyfriend. Is today any special occasion?”

Alec closes his eyes, counts to ten and tries to calm down. Anger isn’t going to do any good here. But God, how he prays that he could just call someone to take care of Magnus for him tonight, to watch over him. But he can’t, because nobody knows.

With a heavy sigh, Alec walks over to him, reaching for the bottle he’s been hiding behind his back.

“Are we celebrating?” Magnus tries hopefully, but some edge to his voice signalizes that he’s not entirely drunk, since he does sound unsure.

“I think you’ve had enough,” Alec retorts and looks at him, shaking his head lightly “why did you do that?” He asks in a lower tone because really, he had to choose today of all days. It’s been good for what? Two days again, and now all progress is ruined.

Magnus shrugs and leans back onto the counter.

“Just wanted not to think? It worked though, my head is really empty now,” He chuckles.

“I can see that,” Alec says quieter “you promised you’d try.” He just repeats, but he truly doesn’t know how to talk to Magnus so he can grasp that what he’s doing is wrong on so many levels. He tried everything, but he can’t win this.

“I am trying,” Magnus just replies offendedly. Alec shakes his head again “sorry I’m not a crazy wizard who can just snap his fingers and boom, I’m all cured.” He adds sarcastically.

“Then let someone help you because I don’t know how-“ Alec admits hopelessly.

“I don’t need help, it will pass,” His boyfriend shrugs. He tries to appear not to be bothered, but Alec can see something breaking through that confident mask “if I could turn back time, I would never trust him. I would listen to you and we all would be happy now.” These words sound more genuine than anything Alec has heard him say in a long time.

He does know that.

“God, I am such an idiot,” Magnus laughs but hides his face in his palms.

“Magnus…” Alec trails off softly and rests his palm on Magnus’ shoulder reassuringly as he hears him sniffle.

“No, Alec you don’t understand,” He shakes his head. When he finally uncovers his face his eyes are full of tears. “He knew about everything. About Camille, my addiction and he still… He still did what he did and I trusted him, I wanted so bad to have a dad, to have a family-“ He cuts off as a sob overcomes him.

Alec quickly gathers him in his arms. He didn’t know. Magnus hasn’t really told him in all details about what happened back then. What he and Asmodeus talked about, how it all went down. He didn’t want to push, since any, even slight, mention of Asmodeus seems to wake those great waves of guilt and hurt in his boyfriend. He should have urged him to talk.

If Asmodeus found a way to get to Camille, then now Alec has no doubts he could have somehow pull out his medical records and pass the information to Raj’s defence. He seems to have ins everywhere.

God, Alec is so furious with him. But he tries to tone it down now, just holding onto Magnus, in an attempt to calm him down.

“I’m no good for anything,” Magnus pulls back from him and wipes at his eyes “I keep letting you down, I keep ruining everything. I don’t know how to stop-“

“Babe, stop it-“ Alec shakes his head, but Magnus already pushes away from him, grabbing the half-empty bottle of whiskey from the counter.

“This,” He holds the bottle up in a triumphant gesture “this is all I’m good for. Fuck, I’m so pathetic.” He laughs wetly. As he tries to stumble out of the kitchen, the bottle slips from his grip, breaking hard as it hits the floor, adoring it with shattered pieces. Magnus hides his face in his palms again, crying silently as he too collapses to the floor.

Alec takes a few careful steps to avoid the glass and gently tries to pull him up, but ends up cradling his vulnerable body, sitting on the floor next to him. He can’t help the tears pricking in his eyes, for the sight in front of him.

“I’m so sorry, Alexander,” Magnus sobs as Alec attempts to calm him down, rocking them back and forth delicately “I’m sorry-“

“It’s okay,” Alec whispers into his hair.

Nothing is okay, none of them believes it, but still, he tries. Tries to make him feel better, if only for a moment.

“Please don’t leave me,” Magnus clings onto him desperately “please, I can’t go on without you, Alexander.”

“I won’t,” Alec assures him. Magnus lets out a shuttering exhale, but seems to relax a little “I swear I won’t. I’m here, okay?”

If there’s anything he can promise, if there’s something that he knows in all of this mess, it’s this. He’s never going to walk from him. No matter what.

Magnus nods with his face against his chest, still not fully composed, letting out those anguished sobs at times.

Alec’s phone keeps buzzing persistently in his pocket, but right now he can’t bring himself to care.

Magnus begins to tremble in his arms and Alec pulls back to search his face, cupping his cheeks and feeling the warmth radiating from them.

“I think I’m going to be sick,” Magnus admits and well, Alec can feel it too. Something twists in his gut, hoping that it’s nothing serious. But the amounts of alcohol Magnus has been consuming recently have been very alarming. His body can only take so much.

“Okay,” Alec tries to gently manhandle him to hoist him up, throwing his arm around his own shoulders to lift him “we’re going to the bathroom, alright?”

Magnus nods feebly and lets Alec basically carry him to the said room. He tries to lean against the wall when they enter, but soon loses the balance and if not Alec holding him up, he would have gone to the floor again.

Alec really hates dealing with drunk people, but there’s a difference now. The problem is, he doesn’t quite know what to do, how to help Magnus. But the state he’s in is clearly somehow bad since he’s not able to even stand on his own. Alec’s heart starts beating faster as he tries to come up with something. Meds won’t be any use now since basically none of them should be mixed with alcohol.

“I’m going to throw up,” Magnus informs after a moment, and well it’s better than nothing, Alec guesses. Getting the alcohol out of his system might help.

So Alec stays with him, running his fingers through his hair soothingly, telling him that everything will be okay. He doesn’t step away, no matter how painful it is to watch him in such distress.

But then Alec remembers, that they always promised themselves to be there for each other. Better and worse. It’s been more of the worse recently, but it doesn’t matter.

When he makes sure Magnus is as good as he can right now, he goes back to the kitchen to get him a glass of water. Then his phone buzzes in his pocket again. It’s his mother.

“Alec, where are you? The hearing starts basically in a minute-“ She says as soon as Alec picks up.

But well, Alec doesn’t need reminding of what his priority is. It’s a heavy decision, but he wouldn’t forgive himself if he left Magnus now.

“I won’t make it, mom,” He informs her. It’s the right choice, but some part of him can’t help but regret that today went this way.

“What?” Maryse is clearly confused. “Did something happen? Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Alec assures her quickly. He can’t leave her with no explanation though “it’s Magnus. He’s not feeling okay, I should stay with him.”

“Are you sure?” His mom questions, the tone of her voice is full of emotions. Worry, shock, a bit of regret…

But yes, he is sure. He has to be.

“I am. Just let me know how it went later. And tell Josh I’m sorry.” He retorts with a heavy exhale.

“Is everything really okay-“ She doesn’t get to finish the question “I have to go, they’re calling us in. But if anything-“

“Mom,” Alec interrupts him, but can’t feel the wetness in his eyes. For various reasons “everything is okay. Just get in there and tell me how it went later. We’re winning this.”

“Of course we are,” Maryse agrees and there’s a hint of a smile in her tone “I have to go. I love you, son. I’ll call later.” She hangs up.

A moment he’s been waiting for, for months, and he won’t get to see it. Life truly works in unexpected ways. And sometimes there’s nothing they can do about it. He’ll deal with it, just like with everything.

He gets back to Magnus. In the end, taking care of him always comes first.

After managing to get Magnus to lie down in the bedroom and staying with him till he falls asleep, Alec needs to snap out of this little bubble of just him and Magnus sleeping peacefully on their bed, and back into reality. With a heavy sigh and one more kiss placed to his boyfriend’s hairline, Alec leaves the room to deal with everything else.

He rolls up the sleeves of his shirt, part of his suit ruined from where there’s whiskey spilt on it from the crash in the kitchen, but hell it’s the last thing he’s worried about now.

He has to close his eyes for a moment, everything crashing down on him again. Their place is a mess, not only the kitchen but the whole apartment. Lastly, Alec had no time to do any thorough cleaning and Magnus probably doesn’t have any will.

So he might as well busy himself with something.

Starting with the kitchen, he tries to precisely sweep all of the pieces of glass. Only when he bends down to scoop them to the trash can, he notices how hard his hands are shaking. It’s not actually a surprise after the rollercoaster he’s been through today.

But of course, the clumsy person he is, a piece of glass scratches his palm as he throws them away, cutting the skin so hard a few drops of blood drain down to the floor.

“Shit,” Alec mutters to himself as he goes to wash the blood away, grabbing a bandage for one of the kitchen cabinets on his way.

That’s when something hits him.

He doesn’t feel anything.

Obviously, he feels the pain of the wound, but besides that… there’s no need to dig into it, to make it bleed more. A few months ago he would have freaked out if he even accidentally cut himself. But now, he feels fine. It was an accident, it could happen to anyone.

There was a time when he used to believe he would never heal from this. That he would continue to turn into self-harm as some kind of release. But as he reminisces on the latest weeks… Goddamn it, it’s been tough, it will probably continue to be tough, but he didn’t think of hurting himself, no matter how hard it was.

He broke down, repeatedly. But it’s way better. Letting your emotions out is good. He’s not sure where did this transition to a much healthier habit came from, but he’ll take it.

If he could only somehow implement it on Magnus.

Alec takes care of the mess that the rest of the apartment is for a long while, and when he’s almost done with the living room, his phone buzzes again.

Right, he almost forgot.

He’s not sure why he hesitates to pick up, seeing his mom’s name lighting up the screen. The possibility that there’s bad news waiting on the other side is very slight. But still there.

_You won’t know if you don’t pick up._

So Alec exhales and does just that, bracing himself for whatever information Maryse is about to pass him.

“It’s done,” His mom’s somehow relieved voice sounds through the phone. Alec doesn’t ask, but she knows exactly what he wants to hear, so after what feels like an eternity, she continues. Alec can now hear the smile in her voice. “he’s getting eleven years.”

Alec closes his eyes, a tremendous wave of relief washing over him.

He did it. Not alone, they all did it.

“His father and the rest that’s been involved in the cover-up got financial penalties and got banned from practising their profession in any sorts.” Maryse pauses to let the words sink in. “You did it, son.”

He’s never heard her sound so proud of him yet, he can almost feel the tremble in her voice, can almost see the few tears that probably have spilled from her eyes. Alec can feel his own flowing down his cheeks, from the happiness, from the relief, from the fact that justice has eventually been served.

“We all did it,” He manages to croak out, his voice breaking with too many emotions to even name.

Maryse lets out a wet chuckle, but he can imagine her nod.

God, he wishes he could see her in person now, see Josh too and most importantly see Raj getting escorted to the place he belongs to.

We can’t always get what we want though.

“Josh wants to speak to you, son. I’m putting him on,” His mom informs a moment later.

“Okay,” Alec wipes at his tears, trying to sound more composed.

“Alec, thank you so much,” Josh sounds so joyful, so carefree. He sounds like he’s finally free. Alec can’t help but smile, pretty sure the man’s expression is the same “I don’t, I don’t even know what to say,” He pauses, his voice overflowing in this emotionally relieved tone “it wouldn’t have happened without you and now… Now I feel safe and just… Like this chapter is closed, all thanks to you. I don’t know how I will ever repay you for what you did from me, but-“

“Josh, I don’t need anything in return,” Alec interrupts him and shakes his head, even though he can’t see it “this is enough of a reward. We won.”

“I know,” Josh exhales with a laughing note, but then adds more calmly, with a hint of sadness “I’m sorry you couldn’t be here. Whatever’s going on, I hope you’ll figure it out and we can meet up soon to celebrate this victory.”

“I hope so too,” Alec really, really does.

They hang up after that, but Alec’s pretty sure he can hear the cheers of the rest of their team. His mom, Lily, Lydia… They did it. The credit doesn’t fall in with one person, not him, not Maryse, it’s all of them, forces combined.

Alec drops heavily on the couch, some part of him still disbelieving. He shakes his head, an easy smile climbing onto his features.

But it swiftly fades.

He won one battle, but he’s still losing a war. His own personal one. His and Magnus’. And it’s way more painful when he eventually lets this thought sink in.

The tears of joy quickly turn into ones of helplessness and sorrow. He’s tried everything and he’s still failing.

He thinks back on the trial. This situation is not comparable, but still, he’s reminded of how everyone was ready to back him up, to help him. Lydia, not letting him get into this alone, Maryse helping him through every step, even engaging Luke to fight against the injustice with her. Magnus, even though he hated the thought of Alec reliving his memories, he stood by him and supported him.

He of all people deserves the support too, someone to fight for him and with him.

Wars aren’t won by one person. Even is someone is the leader, there’s a whole army behind them.

Alec can fit into either part. The conclusion is, he doesn’t have to, he shouldn’t do it alone.

Magnus might hate him for it, but he won’t forgive himself if he doesn’t manage to pull him out of this. Not after everything he’s ever done for him. Because he loves him, and he won’t let the man he loves go down the drain.

That’s enough of convincing he needs to dial a number.

“Hello, Alec,” Ragnor’s voice sounds through the phone.

Only then Alec’s beginning to hesitate. God, Magnus is really going to hate him. He can still back down but hell, Ragnor can probably already sense something is wrong if he’s calling him.

“Is everything okay?” The man remains calm and composed as always, but Alec can imagine that he’s becoming worried. They don’t speak a lot. Ragnor is more of Magnus’ friend than his, but it’s probably because of the past nature of their relationship. Ragnor undoubtedly expects him to call when something is getting worse or he’s considering going back to therapy.

Alec presses his lips together, not sure how to answer. For once in his life, he decides to tell the truth.

“No,” His voice is weak when he replies. The reality of these words making tears reappear in his eyes. He shakes his head, trying to wash them away, but it doesn’t help and he’s aware that Ragnor can hear the sob that escapes him, but there’s nothing he can do about it.

“What’s wrong then?” Ragnor asks softly. It takes another while for Alec to answer, but he doesn’t push.

“It’s Magnus,” Alec manages to get out before another sob overcomes him.

“Alec, I need you to try to calm down and tell me what’s going on,” Ragnor instructs him “just breathe.”

Alec does. Taking a few deep inhales, exhaling slowly and when he finally becomes as composed as he can be, he tries to sort out his thoughts.

“He’s been drinking,” He starts explaining “like, a lot. And I don’t-, I don’t know how to make him stop. I tried, but-, I can’t. It’s not healthy and he just-“

“Why has he been drinking, Alec?” Ragnor interrupts his rant gently.

That’s when the tricky part comes in.

“It’s because of his father,” Alec says resignedly. He feels too helpless not to tell the truth now “he wanted to use him. It was just a game to him and Magnus… He trusted him and now he’s so crashed. I don’t know what to do, Ragnor” His voice turns more desperate “I tried. I threw all the alcohol out, I use every minute I have to check on him, I… I don’t know, I can’t do this anymore-“

“It’s alright,” Ragnor tries to assure him gently. He lets out a long exhale as if taking in all of the information and processing it “I’m glad you called me, Alec.”

_Well, that makes one of us. _

“Where is he now? What is he doing?” Ragnor questions then.

“He’s um, he’s asleep. He felt sick and, um threw up, so I… yeah, I put him to bed,” Alec reports.

“Okay, that’s good,” The man pauses thoughtfully. “Here’s what we’re going to do. First thing in the morning, I’m going to come by the loft, okay? I’ll try to talk some sense into him, see how bad it is and we’re going to take it from there, alright?”

“Yeah,” Alec swiftly agrees “yeah, I think that would be alright, thank you.”

“Don’t mention it. That’s a really good thing you called me, Alec,” He repeats. “You try to get some rest now too. Are you going to be okay?” He makes sure.

“Yeah, I think so,” Alec nods lightly.

“I’ll see you tomorrow then. Take care,” Ragnor states and then they hang up.

Alec sighs heavily, running a hand over his face.

He either just saved Magnus or made a terrible mistake that he’s boyfriend is never going to forgive him.

Ragnor wasn’t lying when he said ‘first thing in the morning’. It’s basically 9 am when Alec hears a knock on the door. He’s not asleep anyway, couldn’t sleep from everything that happened yesterday, the mix of emotions weighting over him.

He strolls to the door and opens it, revealing Ragnor’s as usually relaxed posture.

“Hi,” Alec steps back to let him into the apartment “thank you for coming, really.”

“Of course,” Ragnor replies, squeezing his shoulder briefly “so…”

“Coffee?” Alec proposes and the man nods, but then holds out his hand.

“Tea, if you would,” He corrects himself and Alec chuckles under his breath, muttering a short ‘sure’ and leading them into the kitchen.

“Magnus is still asleep,” He informs as he sets the water to boil “I just thought he should have all the rest he can get so I didn’t bother waking him up just yet.”

“It might be for the better,” Ragnor agrees “You can maybe explain to me exactly what happened first?” He suggests then.

And well, it’s already gone too far to withdraw. Alec leans back on the counter and after a deep exhale, he tells him everything. Recalls the story of Magnus’ father, how it all went down, how he violated his trust and threatened them… Ragnor listens carefully, nodding at times to assure him he’s into the talk. His face remains neutral, not betraying any emotions, as usual. Cleary hiding his reaction. It kind of feels like one of the therapy sessions, but it’s in his kitchen and their main focus is Magnus.

It’s like he’s trying for it to be Magnus’ therapy session.

There’s a long pause after Alec finishes. Ragnor clearly gathers up his thoughts before deciding to speak.

“It’s not the first time, you know,” He starts with that eventually, after taking a sip of his tea “he usually does that when something so traumatic happens. Thinks that drinking is his only escape because it’s just so easy to get wasted. Easier than actually talk to anybody about his problems.”

“Yeah, I noticed,” Alec admits.

“After his mom died, or some repetitive break-ups with Camille, he did it too. I had to use force to pull him away from the glass, quite literally. But we always managed, I’m sure we can do the same this time,” The man tries to assure him. “He just needs someone to set him straight, to tell him the truth, even if it might hurt. Have you tried it? Telling him how much it affects you too, how it’s wearing you out?”

Alec bites his lip but eventually shakes his head.

“I mean, kind of?” He says in a questioning tone. “I just didn’t want to be too harsh on him. I wasn’t sure how to act, I’m still not now. I didn’t want him to get worse by anything I said. And he keeps saying that I should leave him… I didn’t want to make him feel like I would really leave.”

“He’s trying to push people away,” Ragnor retorts with a nod “typical. But believe me, he really needs you, even though he thinks he doesn’t deserve you now. How long has this been going on for exactly?” He questions then.

“Um, a few weeks?” Alec answers kind of guilty, but before Ragnor gets to ask about anything more, he continues. “He asked me not to tell anyone, especially you since you warned him about Asmodeus too. And I stupidly thought we could battle this together, without getting anyone else involved. I didn’t want to break the promise I gave him but… it all just became too much, for us both.”

“Alec, you did the right thing by calling me,” Ragnor reminds him again. “There’s no shame in asking for help.”

“Magnus doesn’t seem to understand that,” Alec mutters.

“I’ll make him understand, I promise,” Ragnor declares. “Now, how have you been doing?”

The question kind of takes Alec aback, since no one really has asked about his feelings regarding this situation. But only because no one knew.

“I just feel… helpless?” He says questioningly, but Ragnor nods, indicating him to continue. “I wish there was something more I could do, but I tried talking to him and stuff… It didn’t work. So yeah, I’m just so powerless about it, I think.”

Ragnor takes his words in with a thoughtful nod.

“And mentally? How are you feeling? You said you’re helpless, but does it feel like too much?” He asks next.

“A bit,” Alec confesses. It hasn’t been easy, but he thinks that the Alec from just a few months ago wouldn’t be able to handle it at all. Yet, there he is.

Alec reaches for his cup of coffee and notices how Ragnor’s eyes fall on his palm in a silent question. Alec frowns firstly, but then looks down and remembers the bandage on his hand.

“No,” He shakes his head, quickly dismissing the doctor’s assumptions “no I haven’t hurt myself. It’s just… Magnus broke a bottle, I tried to clean it up and scratched myself. I’m fine, honestly.”

Ragnor seems to believe him, letting the subject go. But then Alec decides to add one thing.

“And I actually… I didn’t feel the need to do this,” He admits after a moment of hesitation. “I mean, when I… spiralled down, back at Max’s funeral after I accidentally broke the glass I immediately thought of the relief it brought and now… I had none of these thoughts. It happened, I patched it up and that’s all.”

This time Ragnor sends him a small, private, but proud smile. He reaches and lays his palm on Alec’s shoulder comfortingly.

“I’m very glad to hear that, Alec.” He states and Alec lets a smile on his own paint his face. It felt good to admit it and to have someone be proud of him for that as he is for himself.

“But, back to the topic at hand,” Ragnor picks back up again “this whole thing must have put a lot of pressure on you, right?”

“Kind of, yeah,” Alec replies honestly. It really does feel like a therapy session now, but it’s actually good to tell someone everything that’s been overwhelming him recently “There are finales approaching, I should focus on school and… I mean, of course, Magnus is more important than that-“

“But you do want to have a future, I get that,” Ragnor finishes for him and Alec nods “Magnus mentioned that you got some internship going on too. Are you planning on staying at that firm?”

Alec doesn’t answer for a bit which makes Ragnor eye him with a curious look. Eventually, he breaks and spills.

“I dropped the internship,” He confesses to the doctor’s surprise.

“Why?” Comes a shirt question. “Don’t tell me it was because of Magnus.”

“No,” Alec says, but then pauses. “I mean, kind of? I just wanted more time to check on him and take care of him. But I didn’t actually see my future in this firm, so…” He trails off.

Ragnor sighs but in the end let’s that go. Alec knows that he understands his position. He wasn’t forced to do this, it was just for the better good. His and Magnus’. Mostly Magnus’.

“There’s also this case of yours? How is this going?” Ragnor prompts then.

“Oh, it actually finished yesterday, so that’s out of the way now,” Alec retorts. “We won,” He adds as if spotting the question in Ragnor’s eyes.

“Congratulations then,” The doctor states genuinely “must have felt good to see that bastard getting what he deserves,” He drinks up the rest of his tea, but must have concluded from Alec’s lack of answer and the silence that something is not right. He shoots Alec a puzzled look.

“I wasn’t there,” Alec admits then, a bit regretfully. Ragnor sends him a resigned look now. “Magnus felt bad, I couldn’t just leave him so… yeah, but that’s fine.” He adds quickly. “He’s in jail, that’s all that matter.” He’s not sure if he’s convincing Ragnor or himself.

It would have been rewarding to see, but he’ll deal with it.

“Alec,” Just when he thought Ragnor wouldn’t prone onto it, the man speaks “you can’t just stop your life and drop everything for him. Magnus wouldn’t want that, believe me.”

Alec remembers Magnus from yesterday, crumbled on the kitchen’s floor and begging Alec to stay. He did what he had to.

“It’s fine,” Alec pushes. “He didn’t force me to do anything. It was all my decisions.”

“Yes, but due to his struggles,” Ragnor points out, then sighs heavily “have you told him about any of that?”

Alec keeps silent for a moment. He thinks of the other things he also didn’t tell Magnus.

“No,” He answers “but the trial only happened, yesterday, I didn’t have the time.” He tries to justify himself. Ragnor only shakes his head.

“Remember to take care of yourself too, alright?” He says then, but his tone is soft. “I know that what’s happening with Magnus now is difficult, but you can’t lose sight of you and run yourself to the ground, or resign from some great opportunities.”

Alec nods. He gets that, but… it’s just hard to put himself first when the man he loves is in so much pain.

“I just want him to get better,” His voice sounds weaker than he’d like it too as he speaks. Ragnor once more squeezes his shoulder reassuringly, sending him a smile.

Alec starts to believe that it may get better.

“What is he doing here?” Suddenly comes a voice from the doorway and they both turn to find Magnus there. Despite sleeping for many hours, he still looks exhausted as he looks at them with sunken eyes.

Before Alec gets to say anything, it’s Ragnor how actually answers the question.

“Alec invited me for a morning tea and coffee,” He raises the mug in his hand slightly. Alec nods along with his words.

“You invited him?” Magnus questions a bit more harshly now and it’s directed at Alec.

_God he’s really going to hate me for that. _

“Don’t tell me it isn’t nice to see your old friend,” Ragnor tries to loosen the tension, but it doesn’t seem to work.

“Alec, I told you-“ Magnus begins again, but only to get cut off by his friend again.

“Alec, didn’t you say you that your finales are approaching soon?” He asks casually, but Alec takes it as a hint that he wants to speak to Magnus alone and it’s probably time for him to leave. He’s not sure how to feel about this, doesn’t know if he’d want to be present during this conversation, but he trusts Ragnor, so it doesn’t take him long to decide.

“Yeah, I better go and study,” He retorts and grabs his mug of lukewarm coffee on his way out. “I’ll be in the living room,” He informs and receiving one last comforting smile from Ragnor, not bearing to look at his boyfriend’s disappointed face, he leaves the kitchen.

But he doubts he’ll get any studying done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Let me know what you think in the comments 💕  
So, a little bit of a cliffhanger... (please don't hate me) Do you think Ragnor will be able to talk some sense into Magnus? Also, can we appreciate how far Alec has come and how strong he is? I think we should.  
We may be slowly escaping the angst zone... I'll see you next week with (hopefully a happier) chapter!


	30. The Progress

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Talk with a friend offers Magnus a new perspective on how things are.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Malec Monday!  
I hope you're all doing well, thank you so much for the support on this story, it really means the world to me. Today, a conversation that we've all been waiting for. Will Ragnor be able to talk some sense into Magnus? Read and find out...
> 
> Enjoy the read!

Magnus lets his eyes follow Alec as he passes him without even sparing him a look.

He exhales heavily.

Of all people, he really had to choose Ragnor.

With Alec’s absence, Magnus can’t actually ignore his friend anymore. He tries, but soon Ragnor begins to speak, which forces him to pay at least some attention to him.

“So, how have you been?” Ragnor asks casually and Magnus rolls his eyes.

“Cut the crap, Ragnor. I know Alec told you everything,” He retorts sharply. He knows he shouldn’t be this harsh. None of this is Ragnor’s fault and he’s probably here to help. But he’s angry. He’s not sure at what. Mostly, probably at himself, a bit at Alec for breaking his promise.

He doesn’t feel like talking about this and especially listening to Ragnor’s lectures.

“Alright,” His friend nods and leans back on the counter “maybe you’ll at least drink some coffee or tea with me?”

Only thought of getting something into his stomach makes it twist. He still feels sick and even the usually divine proposal of fresh, morning coffee doesn’t sound appealing.

It’s it still morning either way? Magnus didn’t bother checking the clock.

He woke up with this terrible headache but luckily there were some aspirin and a glass of water on his nightstand. He should probably go and thank Alec for that. It does sound better than standing here and talking or mostly listening to Ragnor talk.

After he managed to sit up in bed, he heard some hushed voice coming from somewhere in the apartment. Realising that Alec wasn’t alone made some panic climb into his chest. He’s not sure what he expected when he walked out of the bedroom and localized the source of the voices.

He didn't expect Ragnor. Maryse, maybe Izzy or Jace, but not his best friend.

And he told Alec especially not to tell him. Tuns out his boyfriend is even more stubborn than he thought.

Well, but here they are.

“No, thank you,” Magnus eventually responds to Ragnor request. His friend doesn’t let his smile fall though.

“Why so?” He questions with fake surprised. “Had enough to drink last night?”

Magnus rolls his eyes yet again.

“Ragnor, if you’re trying to teach me some lesson, then please do it quick,” He tells him with neglect “I’m really not in the mood.”

“Yeah, I can imagine,” Ragnor doesn’t let his disappointed tone drop, but his voice softens a bit when he carries on “I’m sorry about your father-“

“I don’t need your pity, Ragnor,” Magnus doesn’t even let him finish, the words coming out a bit more angrily than he intended to.

“Fine. Then you won’t get it,” Ragnor replies with a shrug “I have a question, though. What the hell are you doing?”

Magnus frowns. He inspects his friend for a while but then decides to drop it.

“What do you mean?”

Ragnor basically snorts.

“Oh, I don’t know. You getting drunk at least four times a week? Does your liver still catch up with you?” He asks more sarcastically, but his voice is drowned in seriousness.

“It’s nothing,” Magnus shakes his head “I’m okay. It’s just some drinks to-“

“Relax, right,” Ragnor nods, a bitter smile appearing on his face “How could I forget…”

Magnus sighs. If Ragnor, the calmest person he knows, is getting worked up, it’s time to try and cool the atmosphere down.

“It’s not such a big deal,” He tries calmer this time “I just need some time and it will pass-“

“How much time, exactly?”

Why does everybody keep asking him that?

“I don’t know,” He admits irritatedly. Why is everyone trying to push? He knows him better, the best. It’s what he needs now.

Ragnor must have understood that he’s not going to reason with him so easily since he shakes his head and drops his gaze for a moment, appearing to think his thoughts through.

“I understand a lot, Magnus,” He begins and as he looks up at Magnus, there’s some twist into his eyes. He’s not exactly angry, it’s more of a protective strike in there “I really do. And I get that you feel hurt, that what you’ve been through was scary and heart-breaking. At least Alec described it as such. What astounds me though, is how you don’t want to admit it.”

Magnus doesn’t know what to answer, so he just stands in front of his friend with his eyes trying to pierce through the floor beneath his feet. He’d be grateful if the floor swallowed him whole too.

“You claim you’re fine,” Ragnor shrugs again “alright, that’s great. Since everything is very much okay, then answer me just one question.”

Magnus still doesn’t look up at him, but he knows Ragnor and knows that the man is going to take no response as his permission to continue.

“Why do you keep hurting Alec?”

At the question, Magnus’ eyes shot up.

“I’m not-“ He immediately tries to deny. Hurting Alexander is the last thing on his mind. It doesn’t ever appear in his mind, like ever. No matter how mad and irritated with his boyfriend he might have been some times, it’s never his intention to cause him any pain.

“Magnus, you just don’t see it, but he is suffering,” Ragnor doesn’t let him explain himself. He sighs and rubs his finger over his brow. “I really don’t want to guilt-trip you, but this seems to be the only way to make you see for yourself that you’re acting terrible recently.”

“I never wanted to hurt him,” Magnus deflects and shakes his head. Ragnor has to be insane to think that.

“I know that,” His friend responds, a bit softer “you’re just… in this haze, when you’re drinking. You don’t know what’s happening around you. Alec’s barely holding it all together and you asked him to keep it all a secret.”

“He didn’t anyway,” Magnus points out, but with no heat now. Ragnor nods.

“Yes,” He agrees “because it finally became too much. Magnus, he called me crying yesterday. He doesn’t know how to help you, but bloody hell, he’s been trying so hard.”

“I’ve been trying too,” Magnus says, but it doesn’t sound convincing even to him.

“Well, then you’ll have to try harder,” Ragnor retorts without further ado “you’re my best friend, and I love you. I will take your side, but only if it’s right for you. Here it’s not, because what you’re doing is wrong and unhealthy.”

“I just…” Magnus trails off, not exactly sure what he wanted to say “I need some more time. It’s hard.”

“I get that. So let somebody help you,” Ragnor urges gently.

“I am,” Magnus protests weakly “I have Alec…”

“Yes and I know he supports you endlessly,” His friends admits “but have you thought about how it affects him too?”

And to be honest, he hasn’t. Only Ragnor’s question makes him realise that.

He hasn’t asked Alec how he’s doing in probably weeks. He hasn’t properly talked to him too, deciding to close up and only release with the help of alcohol. He’s been neglecting Alec and his health. And his boyfriend has got so much on his plate now.

_Alec hasn’t complained. _

_Of course, he hasn’t, you idiot_. Magnus scowls himself. What would he say? That taking care of him is becoming too much. He tried to make Magnus see that he needs some help, that they both do, but Magnus, of course, decided to ignore that. He hasn’t been asking for help for Magnus only, he’s been asking for help for himself too.

And Magnus denied him that.

“Magnus, he devotes every minute he has to take care of you,” Ragnor tells him tentatively, “he told me so. Hell, he dropped the internship to gain more time.”

Magnus’ jaw nearly drops. Fuck. Alec passed out on such a great thing, something he truly loved doing, because of Magnus. That was the last thing Magnus ever wanted him to do. Alec should consider himself first.

“He shouldn’t have done that,” Magnus shakes his head.

“Yeah, but what did you think?” Ragnor says hopelessly. “He didn’t want you to run yourself to the ground.”

“I know, but…“ Magnus decides to just shake his head again, no appropriate comment forming in his head. He’s too shocked and disappointed in himself to think properly now.

“You’ve been too absent to notice anything,” Ragnor states then “Magnus, his case finished yesterday.”

Magnus immediately gets pulled out of his own thoughts. He didn’t ask. Fuck, he didn’t even know it was yesterday. Alec must have told him, he must have forgotten.

How could he?

He turns to his friend with a question, but before he gets to say anything, Ragnor beats him to it.

“He won,” His tone is soft now. Then his sort of proud smile gets replaced by a sad one “and he couldn’t be there, because he couldn’t leave you alone. He didn’t go to the hearing.”

Magnus’ brain short circuits.

“Oh my God…” He mutters under his breath.

Alec’s been on this case for months. And it was not just some case, because it was also about him. He’s been fighting so hard to get justice for himself and Josh. Everything he went through during this process, reliving his memories, getting called out in court, the encounter with Raj… He didn’t back down, he kept fighting. Magnus never doubted he would win.

And now he’s the one who took his only reward from him. He didn’t get to see this bastard when the sentence was announced. Didn’t get to pride on his win.

And it’s all Magnus’ fault. He’s never going to forgive himself that.

He remembers Alec’s words during one of their fights._ I’m going to see this bastard go to jail and no one, not even, you can take that away from me. _And he did just that.

He’s been so fucking selfish. The alcohol left him emotionless, uncaring.

He should have tried harder. If not for himself, then for Alec.

Magnus forgets about Ragnor’s presence next to him and lets tears overcome his eyes. He’s not even sure why. He’s so pathetic but goddamn it, how could he do something like this to the person he loves the most? He doesn’t even recognize himself.

Suddenly, Magnus feels a heavy, comforting palm rest on his shoulder.

“He doesn’t hold it against you,” Ragnor tries to assure him soothingly “any of that.”

“He should,” Magnus wipes at his tears. Ragnor has seen him cry more times than he can count, but this time feels way more pathetic than ever.

“Maybe,” His friend agrees with him with another shrug “but we both know Alec. He wants you to get better. He’ll do everything to make you feel better. So try to return the favour. He basically dropped half of his life for you. Make sure it wasn’t for nothing. I bet you want things to go back to normal. It’s time for your move.”

When will Magnus learn not to underestimate Ragnor? He really hopes today is the day. Hearing all of this hurts like hell, but that’s the truth. That’s what he wanted. Something real, now he’s got it and it sucks, but if he doesn’t show Alec that all of his sacrifices didn’t go to waste… then he for sure won’t be able to forgive himself.

He remembers his own words, not only his but also his father’s. _Sometimes love requires sacrifices. _It may be true, but Alec shouldn’t be the one to sacrifice everything. Not for him. This should be more levelled. Alec was right, love, if done right, requires compromises.

He also remembers, after Max’s death, how Alec said that people shouldn’t drop their lives for him. That’s exactly what he’s done for Magnus. And if he was in the right mind, he would probably tell Alec the same. But he didn’t.

After the mess with Asmodeus, he just wanted something easy. Alcohol gave him that. A quick escape, a release. But he’s old enough and he should know that life isn’t easy. And usually, something given so easy is wrong.

He lost sight of everything. Thought that his love for Alec could save him, but did he believe that really? Change requires both sides to try, Alec’s been doing excellent on his part and Magnus… Well he’s been a mess.

Sometimes, love isn’t enough. But it can be a force. A force that Magnus is planning to use to get better. Starting right this moment.

Magnus wipes at his tears once more. Ragnor stays silent next to him, a comforting presence. Magnus owes him so much. How long would he live in such denial if not him? Would Alec ever tell him everything that’s been weighing on him? He probably thought it would make things worse… Magnus can’t blame him. He would feel the same. Sometimes they’re so similar, but yet so different.

“Thank you,” Magnus tries to put all of his gratitude to these two words. He knows Ragnor understands “without you, I wouldn’t be able to… you know,” He waves his hand around, trying to indicate something along ‘get my shit together’.

“What are friends for, right?” Ragnor smiles and pulls him into a hug. Magnus gladly returns it.

“And I’m sorry,” He adds when they pull back “for, you know, everything. Getting angry at you when you just wanted to help, not telling you earlier-“ He wants to go on, but Ragnor interrupts him.

“Save it,” He says, but kindly “there’s someone who deserves these apologies more.” He gently points into the direction of the living room with his head.

Magnus sighs and nods. He knows. As difficult as this conversation will be, he needs to have it now. He’s done enough damage.

“I’ll let myself out,” Ragnor states as he squeezes his shoulder, trying to give him some confidence “let me know how it went later.”

Magnus nods and returns his smile a little.

“Also, it’s just a suggestion,” Ragnor starts carefully, “I think that it could help if you went to some of the AA meetings. I know some people so… if you decide, just let me know and I can give you some info.”

Magnus nearly winces at the words AA, but he knows he has a problem now. He guesses that it’s progress that he’s acknowledging it. He’ll ask Alec what he thinks too, but if Ragnor says it could help… Well, he trusts him and he’ll grasp at basically any chance to help him now.

“I’ll consider it,” He assures his friend and Ragnor nods with a comforting smile.

“Call me if you need anything,” He says lastly and proceeds to leave the kitchen.

Magnus doesn’t give himself more than two minutes to gather up his thoughts. Alec’s been waiting way too long anyway.

Alec, as he announced, is sitting on the living room’s couch, that’s littered with all sort of books and notes. He looks focused, tapping his pen against the page of a textbook he’s currently flipping through. He doesn’t notice Magnus at first, too immersed in his studies.

_I can still back out, I should let him study in peace_, Magnus thinks, but quickly shakes that thought of. Both he and Alec will feel better if they clear the air between them. When Magnus cleans the air. He’s certain that Alec will be able to focus better and that little frown will stop caressing his forehead.

Carefully, Magnus takes a seat next to him on the couch, avoiding smashing any notes and papers. That’s when Alec finally looks up.

“Did Ragnor leave?” He collects some papers to make more space, puts them into a neat stack and drops on the floor. His eyes return to the book while he’s waiting for Magnus to answer.

“Yeah, he, uh…” Magnus just trails off and points at the door. Alec nods to acknowledge the information.

Ragnor’s words sound in Magnus’ head. _It’s your move_.

“So, Ragnor… He told me about your case,” Magnus starts hesitantly, but his boyfriend turns to him with a small smile, although Magnus can see the hints of sadness and regret behind his eyes “congratulations, Alexander.”

“Thanks,” Alec’s voice is genuine when he speaks “he got eleven years. We were pleading for fifteen, but it’s still a fair sentence. You rarely get the most you can in this kind of cases.” He explains as if trying not to let this weird silence overcome them again.

“I’m proud of you,” Magnus says then. He can feel the tears gathering in his eyes when Alec smiles at him again “really.” His voice comes out quieter. He just breaks, the tears now flowing down his cheeks as he hides his face in his palms. He can’t even apologize to his boyfriend without being so fucking pathetic.

Magnus feels a hand on his shoulder and barely resists the urge to shake it off. He doesn’t deserve Alec’s sympathy. Not now, not after what he’s done.

“Hey-“ Alec tries, but Magnus shakes his head, peeling his face from his hands, he finally decides to speak, not really caring how wrecked he looks.

“I’m so sorry, Alexander,” That’s a good start, he thinks. Although a thousand I’m sorry’s won’t make it even “I’ve been so selfish, and such an idiot, I-“

“Magnus-“

“No, let me say this,” Magnus pleads desperately. Alec nods, but now he’s barely holding back his tears too. “I didn’t care. It was because of the alcohol messing with my head, but that’s none excuse. I let it consume me, not paying attention to how this situation affects you too. I’ve lost sight of what’s important, I’ve lost sight of us because of this stupid booze.”

Alec’s hand slides from his shoulder to Magnus’ palm to intertwine their fingers together. Magnus is reminded of all the times Alec did that, every time Magnus had something difficult to confess, every time he struggled. Alec’s comforting touch is something that’s able to ground him. The same thing happens right now, even though he can feel another wave of tears at the familiarity of that.

“I don’t know how I should beg you to forgive me,” Magnus sees Alec shake his head at his words, but he doesn’t let him interrupt “because I won’t be able to forgive myself for all the shit I’ve done. Not for long at least, if not ever. I am so sorry you had to sacrifice half of your life because of my stupidity. I’m sorry that you didn’t get to see the solution of your case. I’m sorry for even bringing us into this in the first place, for trusting my father, for violating your trust, for asking you to keep this all, forcing you to lie to your family. For everything, I’ve ever done or said that hurt you. I never meant it. I never wanted to cause you any pain and if I did, just tell me how to fix it, I’ll do everything to gain your trust again.”

When he finishes, he’s almost breathless, his cheeks still wet. Alec let a few tears of his own escape his eyes, but when Magnus finally looks at him after his rumbling apology, his boyfriend offers a smile that’s a bit sad, but mostly, Magnus thinks, it’s hopeful.

Alec reaches out with his palm and rests it gently against Magnus’ cheek, his eyes never leaving Magnus’. He wipes the few tears then before he speaks.

“I just want you to get better,” He says with a shrug.

And simplicity, the honesty and the altruism of these words are what makes his break all over again.

Alec always wanted the best for him. Every step he took in their relationship, every little thing he did, even if Magnus was against it, he did it because he knew what’s best for him. He was the one who made him and Raphael make up, he tried to convince him not to trust his father.

Alec is the most loving and caring person he knows and Magnus will never, ever repay him with something other than that. From now on.

He’s not sure when it happened, but suddenly he’s in Alec’s arms, both of them just letting out all of the emotions that have been weighing on them for the last few weeks. There are tears, there’s some kind of relief and there’s so much love between them and Magnus’ heart will burst.

“I will stop drinking,” Magnus says when he pulls back, but he’s still clinging onto Alec as if scared he would disappear if he let go. “I will never touch alcohol again. I’ll go to those AA meetings Ragnor mentioned and I will get better, I swear Alexander. I want everything to get back to normal now.”

“Me too,” Alec admits, his voice so genuine and relieved that Magnus feels himself release an exhale full of ease too.

“I’ll try harder than ever, like really try,” Magnus declares “I will never let you down again, I promise. I am so sorry, Alexander. For everything.”

“It’s okay,” Alec states. It’s not, but Magnus lets them both believe that for now. Even if for a short while.

“And thank you,” Magnus adds then “for never giving up on me, even when I was acting terrible.”

“I would never,” Alec shakes his head. Magnus knows that Alec isn’t one to abandon, but still, he wouldn’t blame him if he did “I love you, Magnus.”

“I love you too,” Magnus answers immediately “so much.”

Alec smiles again, this beautiful and genuine smile.

“I’m glad you came to your senses,” He says then, a bit more teasingly and Magnus can’t help but chuckle warmly.

“All thanks to Ragnor,” He admits “and to you. Thank you for getting him here to call me out on my bullshit.”

“I hope he wasn’t too harsh,” Alec winces slightly.

“Oh, he was,” Magnus nods “but that was what I needed. To know how much damage I was causing.”

It was like a cold shower. Maybe also because of how unexpected it was. But he really needed it. Ragnor has always had the ability to be just perfectly candid and blunt with him. He’s always been thankful for that because it got him out of a lot of troubles.

“Is there anything I can do to return you at least some of the things you had to drop for me?” Magnus asks next. He knows he can’t take back the time and get Alec to the last hearing of his case, but maybe there’s something else he can do. “Is there a way to get this internship back? I can talk to some people. Or maybe your mom-“

“No,” Alec shakes his head, but his voice is still calm “I don’t want it back. You might have been the final push for me to quit, but…” He sighs “the truth is, I didn’t quite see my future there. I’ve done some thinking and… yeah, I don’t fully agree with all the values the company stands for.” He shrugs lightly. “Maybe it’s better it happened now? Some other intern will get a great job. I will handle myself.”

It’s so Alec to try to turn something bad into something good. Magnus smiles.

“Anything else then?”

“Go to those meetings Ragnor mentioned, be honest with me and tell me everything, even when you struggle. I want to be there for you, alright?” Alec speaks more firmly.

“Yes,” Magnus replies “I’ll do all that, I promise.”

“Good,” Alec retorts a warm smile on his features again.

“And I also have an idea on how I can start fixing the mess I made,” Magnus announces then. He exhales heavily and with that, makes the decision “I will tell everyone about Asmodeus. Our family, friends, at work… they deserve to know and it really wasn’t fair to you, that I’ve ever asked you to keep it a secret from them.”

“Are you sure?” Alec still asks, but he’s made up his mind. It’s been too much of lying and dishonesty. He needs to put a stop to it.

“Yes,” He answers shortly. There’s a hint of pride in Alec’s smile now.

Magnus hopes that it will bloom and that one day Alec really will be proud of him for overcoming this.

In the meantime, Magnus will be boasting himself on the pride he feels for Alec.

“I really am so proud of you,” He repeats because Alec deserves to hear it “for how you’ve been handling everything. I’m sorry for ruining so many things for you.”

“You didn’t ruin anything,” Alec tries, but they both know that truth. He hopes he will be able to somehow make it up to Alec. But he decides not to dwell on it too much now. He’ll figure it out.

“You won your first case, darling,” His voice is overflowing with pride and he doesn’t care.

“I did,” Alec retorts as if still not quite believing it himself.

“You’re going to be an amazing lawyer,” Magnus assure him. His boyfriend sends him a tender smile “you already are.”

“Thanks,” Alec answers softly.

“I love you, and I’m so proud, angel,” Magnus tells him yet again.

“Alright, stop it,” Alec groans but he’s still smiling, a beautiful, pink blush appearing on his cheeks.

And Magnus feels that they’ve just taken a step forward, trying to leave the terrible past behind them, guided into a better future.

Because he’s got his Alexander here, blushing as he always does when he’s getting complimented. These books are stacked all over their place as always, they’re sitting on the couch and laughing as always.

And this, that’s the routine Magnus was so desperate to go back to. Turned out, it was always within arm’s reach. He just needed to wake up and reach for it.

Magnus gives himself a few more days, trying to build up the courage to tell everyone the truth. He stays home and prepares for his life finally going back to normal.

It doesn’t mean it’s easy.

Every time he hears Asmodeus’ voice in his head, every time he reminds himself of how terrible he’s been for the past few weeks… his hand basically itches to just get a drink, let it all fly away, empty his mind and just not think.

It’s worse when he’s alone. The plus is that they’ve thrown away literally single alcoholic drink, but still there is a liquor store right down the street so…

He tries to occupy his thoughts with something else than the need to drink, but still, they keep returning, making him shake with their force.

It’s way better when Alec is home. It’s like he just feels it, he doesn’t even need to look anymore to sense the signs. When Magnus’ hand starts to tremble without the familiar weight of a glass in it, Alec takes his palm, keeps it busy, squeezes it and sends Magnus a smile that means so many things. That he’s doing okay, that it will pass, that he’s proud.

And somehow, Magnus manages to be sober for a whole week.

It’s good, he thinks, it’s progress at least.

Still feeling terrible about being so awful towards his boyfriend, Magnus tries to do everything to make it up to him. He doesn’t complain when he has to study, Alec is home that’s what matters, and he feels better just when he’s around.

At the same time, he doesn’t want to limit Alec anymore. He’s just managed to convince him to go back to all of his classes, since he’s been still holding back, not wanting to leave the house for too long.

When he knows that it’s going to be a rough time refusing himself a drink, when Alec is busy, he calls Ragnor. He’s able to talk him out of this too. He often visits. If Magnus didn’t appreciate his friend before, he definitely will now.

The AA meetings are still something that kind of scares him, so he gives himself some more time to think about it. Neither Alec nor Ragnor push.

The day before Magnus returns to work Alec has some late classes, so he decides to cook some good dinner for them.

A few weeks ago, the night would have been topped with a glass of fine wine, but they both know it’s impossible now.

Still, it’s enjoyable. Alec whines about his classes and how the exams are approaching and that he’s nervous. Magnus knows, and deep down Alec knows it too, that he has nothing to worry about. But it is in his boyfriend’s style to overthink everything.

But after they finish the food, Magnus notices something in Alec’s demeanour change. He becomes tenser and something tells him, that it’s not only because of the upcoming exams. He’s just about to ask if something’s wrong, but then Alec clears his throat and speaks.

“I have to tell you something,” He announces and Magnus’ immediate reaction is to prepare for the worst, so he does. Trying to still appear to be relaxed, but he is getting quite anxious.

Alec exhales again and after a moment begins.

“I told you my mom found a lead on how Raj’s defence found out about my illness, but that it was nothing solid,” Magnus nods, he does remember him mentioning that. “Well, I didn’t tell you the truth then.”

Magnus frowns. What would Alec’s reason be not to tell him? He knows he hadn’t been acting very kindly and caring back then, but Alec is usually very forward with him.

“Why?” He just questions lightly.

“The lead she found,” Alec starts to explain “it was a phone call. Raj’s team got an anonymous tip. Luke helped mom get the recording of that conversation. Of course, the voice is all distorted… but I think I know who that was.”

“Who?” Magnus questions after Alec doesn’t give an answer immediately. He clearly hesitates, which starts to really concern and scare him.

“It was you father,” Alec reveals.

Magnus leans back into his chair. This fucking bastard.

But how?

“It’s just in the way he talked, you know? And he kept calling me Alexander through the whole conversation. Only you and he do that so… it has to be him, I know it.” Alec adds then.

He doesn’t say anything for a long while and Magnus doesn’t too, because he doesn’t know what to say. Asmodeus had been way more present in every aspect of their lives. Even the ones they didn’t think about. Magnus tries to wrap his head around it and his it nearly bursts.

Then yet another scary thought appears in his mind.

With the fright raising in his gut, he tries to scan every conversation he’s ever had with his father in his memory, every time he’s even mentioned Alec. He knows he was being careful, he would never just bluntly reveal Alec’s illness to his father, not when he knows how sensitive and sometimes still ashamed Alec feels about it.

“Alexander,” Magnus starts desperately “I didn’t tell him, I swear. I was careful and I never spoke to him about you and your-“

“Magnus, I know that,” Alec calms him quickly “I know you would never do it. I just…” He sighs “after everything that happened I… I don’t know, he must have had some ins. You said he knew about Camille and everything. He’s a criminal, he sure has some way to get information. I wouldn’t be surprised if had someone break into the medical database and steal my records. I don’t know,” He shakes his head “we will probably never know for sure. Maybe it’s for the better. Let’s just leave this all behind.”

Magnus would like to go behind that.

But instead, he adds it to yet another list of his thoughts.

It’s a train of thought: if he didn’t let his father into their lives, Alec wouldn’t get humiliated at the court, it would save him so many troubles and stress.

They could avoid that, but because of Magnus’ foolishness, they didn’t.

“How did your mother take it?” Magnus asks fearfully.

Alec bites his lip, a gesture that signalises that he’s hesitant to say something.

“I actually haven’t told her yet,” He admits and Magnus’ eyes widen.

“Why?”

“You asked me not to tell anyone and I… I didn’t feel like I could. It would get too messy without telling her everything. She would want to come after your father and find out everything herself… I-“

“I’m so sorry, Alec,” Magnus shakes his head, ashamed “fuck, really. I should never ask you to keep it to yourself-“

“It’s fine-“

“No, it’s not,” Magnus insists. Alec can’t just brush off everything because Magnus wasn’t well and in the right state of mind back then. He’s ruined so much that it scares him now “you should have told her. If I only stayed sober and-“

“Magnus, please let’s not go through any what-ifs, it’s not good for either of us,” Alec states and reaches for his hand, giving it a comforting squeeze “I’ll tell her now after you tell them all everything. If that’s okay with you.”

“Of course,” Magnus says for the lack of any other words. They’ve been keeping it way too long. He’s been keeping it in too long.

“And I actually kind of told Izzy and Jace,” Alec confess then, his voice guilty “I’m sorry, they were really worried and I… they came here the day after you left and I told them about the offer and everything, and later-“

“Alec it’s fine, you did the right thing,” Magnus stops his rambling to assure him “of course they were worried and they deserved to know what was going on with you. It’s all my fault because I forced you to keep it. I’m sorry.”

Alec sighs yet again, but his tone isn’t angry when he speaks.

“It wasn’t good. Keeping it all,” He admits “I felt overwhelmed with everything and when this lead from mom came up… I really didn’t know how to handle this not to hurt anyone, especially you. Then I realised I couldn’t tell you, because you would blame yourself and that would be too much. So yes, you’ve made some dumb, stupid choices that weren’t fair to anybody. But none of us can change it now.”

Magnus was aware of all of this, but hearing the truth from Alec, him admitting to having struggled for so long… it still hurts.

“I’ll fix it,” Magnus declares as Alec’s face softens a bit “I promise.”

“I know you will,” Alec agrees and tightens the hold on his hand “that’s all I’m asking for, I guess.”

_That’s not enough of a price I should pay for everything I’ve done_, Magnus thinks. But Alec has never asked much of him, even if he should.

Especially now.

But he doesn’t know what more to ask for. Alec would tell him if he wanted anything, but every time he keeps asking, he just says that he wants Magnus to get better.

Then, Magnus recalls his own words. _I never want you to feel forced to do anything, I don’t want anything in return ever, you don’t owe me anything…_ He said them to Alec so many times after he felt the way Magnus is feeling now, like he has to repay. Maybe he really doesn’t? Alec loves him, and he too doesn’t want anything in return. All Magnus can and will do, is change for the better, is learn from his mistakes and ever make them again. He can learn a lesson and he promises himself he will. It’s a memorable one.

It’s when Raphael comes into the lab with yet another folder of job applications that Magnus decides it’s time. He has them all in one place now, he has to tell them.

“Actually, could you…” Magnus starts as Raphael turns to walk away. He stops in his tracks and turns back to his friend “could you stay for a minute? I want to tell you guys something.”

“Of course,” Raphael nods, although his expression is back to his usual poker face, so Magnus isn’t able to read him. Together they take a few steps closer to where the girls are sitting, occupied with work “let’s take a break,” Raphael announces and they all look up “Magnus wants to tell us something.”

Dot squints her eyes as if thinking what this could be about. Aline and Helen get up from their seats to get closer to them. Magnus notices how Aline carefully slides her palm into her girlfriend’s grip, receiving a reassuring squeeze. They look at each other and share an easy, even a bit concerned smile.

Magnus turns to his boss, who raises his brows and waits for him to start.

Well, there’s no going back. Not that he’d want to.

“So I thought…” He begins, not really sure how to put this all together. He should have rehearsed or something. He sighs heavily, then picks back up without beating about the bush “I want to tell you guys the reason for my yet another leave and me acting… a bit weird.”

“If it’s too personal, you don’t have to,” Dot says, her expression has softened now. Magnus smiles at her a bit.

“You deserve to know,” He retorts.

“Then we’re here,” Helen states and the rest nods to her words.

“Alright, so I was… considering another job offer,” Raphael basically flinches at his words. The girls look surprised too. “My father offered it, but we… some unpleasant stuff came up. Turned out he only wanted to use me and this company he presumably created wasn’t even real. It was a cover-up for drug production.”

“Oh my God,” Dot shakes her head, a hint of fright visible in her eyes. Even Raphael lets his expression crack, eyeing Magnus with concern and sorrow. Aline and Helen exchange worried glances too. Magnus drops his gaze. His friends' sympathy is too much.

“But it’s all under control now, he’s going to jail. All thanks to Alec,” Magnus continues, having to just mention his boyfriend’s part in this “but yeah, it all left me kind of… crashed. I started drinking, way too much and… But I’m getting better now, I just needed some time to recover. I’m sorry I didn’t say anything earlier.”

Magnus feels Raphael rest a comforting palm on his shoulder.

“You could have told us, we would be there for you,” He tries.

“Exactly,” Dot agrees.

“I just didn’t want to worry you,” Magnus answers honestly “you have enough of your own troubles,” the words are a bit more directed a Raphael. His friend sends him a sad smile, “and I was ashamed,” He admits then.

“Of what?” Helen questions gently.

“I just… Made a mistake by trusting him,” Magnus shrugs.

“Yeah, we all make mistakes,” Dot says simply “it happens. We’re just glad you’re okay now.”

“So you guys are not mad?” Magnus asks tentatively.

“Why would we be?” Aline nearly snorts. “For struggling and needing time to recover?”

“No, for considering another job…” Magnus specifies.

“We all have moments of doubt,” It’s Raphael who speaks “especially when your boss is a jerk.”

His words prompt a soft chuckle from the rest of the team.

“But I’m serious, Magnus,” Raphael continues a bit more firmly “it’s okay. There’s nothing we could be mad about. I’m sorry about what happened with your dad.”

“Yeah, we are too,” Helen states for all of them as they nod.

“I appreciate it, thank you. And I’m sorry,”

They all just smile at him reassuringly and Magnus is yet again reminded of how amazing his friends are. Taking it all with no judgement and with lots of comforting words.

And he feels better. Letting it all out, something that’s been inside of him for so long, something he thought he has to hide… He doesn’t, and he didn’t have to be scared of their reactions. He should have known better. But it’s always better to get positively surprised too.

“If you need anything, we’re always there,” Dot reminds him yet again and he sends her a grateful nod.

“And don’t worry about the days off,” Raphael assures with a smile, patting him on the shoulder.

“Thank you, really. It means a lot,”

“What are friends for,” Dot comes closer to him and hugs him gently to her side.

It feels good to be surrounded by some real, loving people again.

“Alright, no more fussing, let’s get back to work,” Raphael snaps back into his usual, working self, but the professionalism in his tone is half a joke. He smiles at Magnus once more and proceeds to leave the lab, letting them focus on their tasks.

Magnus gives himself a moment to exhale. He’s glad he took this step. It’s progress too.

Alec holds Magnus' hand under the table, giving it a reassuring squeeze and when Magnus looks at him, he’s met with one of his boyfriend’s proud smiles.

He releases a breath.

There’s no reaction yet as everyone seems to take the information in. They’ve invited everyone for dinner at the loft, Maryse with Luke are here, Alec’s siblings with their significant others, Ragnor and Cat too. Thankfully his friend managed to find a babysitter for tonight. It would be all too difficult to explain to little Madzie.

It was easier that way. Magnus can’t imagine getting everybody separately and recalling this story so many times. It’s still too hard to speak about this, he still struggles, but he’s glad it’s out in the open now. Everybody knows the truth, as it always should be.

Magnus’ eyes wander briefly to Ragnor. His friend nods, as if trying to say, it was a good choice. Somehow, it builds Magnus up a bit. He offers him a hint of a smile in return.

Maryse shakes her head, a shocked expression still on her face. The disbelief is evident in basically everyone’s expressions. Only Ragnor, Izzy and Jace don’t seem that shocked, for obvious reasons.

“I’m so sorry, Magnus,” It’s Maryse who speaks first, she reaches gently for Magnus’ other hand that isn’t holding Alec’s palm “he seemed so… nice and polite. Who would ever think that…”

_Alec_, Magnus thinks. He understands the disbelief though. They’ve all met Asmodeus, had their image of him. And even if it wasn’t a good one, it for sure wasn’t that bad. No one could truly expect it.

“What a bastard,” Cat mutters angrily.

“It’s all done now,” Alec tries to somehow brighten the mood “he will be punished and we’ll be fine. We have to leave it all behind.”

“Punished thanks to you,” Jace points out. Alec just sends him an unimpressed gaze. His brother shrugs.

“It doesn’t really matter,”

“Never can take all the credit…” Isabelle whispers a bit more teasingly, but everyone heard her either way. At least it makes the atmosphere loosen a bit, as Izzy throws an innocent smile at her brother when he glares at her.

“I’m not saying this to get your pity,” Magnus says then “I just wanted you all to know what was going on. You deserve to know. And I’m getting better now, I promise.”

“We’re glad to hear that,” Luke states with a comforting smile.

“And thank you for telling us,” Clary adds then “it must have been hard.”

Magnus nods. But it was the right thing to do.

He still left some parts out. About how guilty he feels because everyone would just try to convince him otherwise. But he can’t put all the blame on the alcohol. It’s on him, how he had been acting, what he had been saying and doing. He’ll learn from it, he promises himself again. He’ll never let a similar situation happen.

“Normally, I’d say to raise to toast,” Magnus says and chuckles lightly, even though there is a sad note to it “but… well, you understand the situation.”

The table nods, smiles fading a bit.

“Who says we can’t?” Simons prompts suddenly. All eyes turn to him as he shrugs and raises his glass of water “to…”

“New beginnings,” Cat announces, mirroring his gesture and nodding in Magnus’ direction.

“And dealing with the past,” Alec adds, lifting their joined hands and placing a kiss to Magnus’ palm before joining the rest in their toast. His eyes are full of hope when he looks at their family, all gathered together, but his sight stops at Magnus as he adds “for a better future.”

“To a better future!” Luke states and they all echo his words.

Magnus leans into Alec’s side a bit more.

_Yeah, the future looks good_, he retorts as he looks at all of the people he loves gathered together. His chosen family. He was stupid to want to let go of that, ever. He wouldn’t change a thing now.

After everyone leaves Magnus feels exhausted. More emotionally, then physically, but it was a tiring day nonetheless. He, not for the first time, catches himself on his way to a drink cart to get a late-night relaxing drink but stops just in time. It’s empty anyway, but the habit still stays.

Alec must have noticed his abrupt pause since he steps closer to him and wraps his arms around him. Magnus doesn’t look at him right away, dropping his gaze, embarrassed at how he’s still not fully recovered. He spoke to Ragnor and decided to give the AA meetings a try, so his friend scheduled him a meeting after the weekend. It still feels weird, but it’s worth to try.

When he finally looks at his boyfriend, Alec smiles at him softly.

“I’m proud of you.”

Magnus snorts and rolls his eyes.

“Really,” Alec urges “I know it’s hard to talk about it. And I heard you spoke with Ragnor.”

“Yeah, about the meetings. I’m going to one after the weekend,” Magnus admits.

“That’s good, right?” Alec asks, sweeping his palms along Magnus’ back gently.

“I guess,” He sighs heavily “I’m still not sure how I feel about this.”

“You won’t need to come to them if you hate it,” Alec states “but give it a shot first. It may be worth it.”

Magnus nods and drops his head onto Alec’s shoulder, basking into his warmth and the feeling of safety for a bit, as Alec hugs him closer.

With memories of Asmodeus coming back to the surface, he really needs it now.

“Did you speak to your mom?” Magnus questions after a moment. He pulls back lightly to see Alec’s face.

He saw Alec asking Maryse to talk more privately after dinner. He only assumed that it was about his father since Alec promised to tell her about everything after Magnus revealed the truth.

“Yeah,” Alec answers, his fingers brushing some loose strands of hair from Magnus’ forehead now.

“How did she take it?” Magnus winces slightly. Maryse must have yet again gone through another shock.

“I think she was kind of ready for everything after you told them,” Alec admits with a heavy exhale “I felt like she was kind of sensing it when I pulled her to the side.”

“Was she mad that you didn’t tell her earlier?” Magnus asks gently. “You could just tell her it was my fault-“

“She wasn’t mad,” Alec shakes his head “I explained everything. She understood.”

Magnus nods, mirroring his smile a bit. They just stand and stare at each other for a while, before Magnus reminds himself of something.

“Darling, could I speak to you about something?” He asks. Alec instantly nods.

“Of course,”

“Let’s sit down maybe,” Magnus proposes and walks them towards the couch.

“Is everything okay?” Alec questions now alarmed. He sits down next to Magnus, but he can feel how tense he’s becoming. Resting his palm on Alec’s arm he speaks again.

“Everything is fine, it isn’t even about me,” Magnus assures him first and sees him relax a bit “it’s about Raphael actually.”

Alec frowns as he looks back at him.

“Is he being unpleasant again?” He inquires lightly. “You said everything went okay at work-“

“Because it did,” Magnus cuts in gently, but Alec’s care is really sweet, “he told me his reasons for being unpleasant earlier. I kind of understand him.”

Alec doesn’t comment, just waits and listens patiently for him to explain.

“He was stressed and on edge because of his sister,” Magnus begins. “Her name is Rosa and she’s from Mexico. She was recently diagnosed with bipolar disorder.”

“I’m so sorry,” Alec says tenderly. Magnus sends him a sad-looking smile.

“She was living in Mexico with their mother, but Raphael got her here so she could get better treatment, but there have been some troubles with her health insurance and stuff… I don’t know the details, but the thing is, she’s threatened to get deported now and… well it’s not good.”

Alec nods, his expression turning into a more sympathetic more.

“I’d like to help him somehow but I don’t really know how,” Magnus carries on “and I know you’ve basically just closed a case and that finals are approaching… so maybe after you’re done with it you could-“

“Of course I’ll help, Magnus,” Alec doesn’t even let him finish. Magnus smiles, he’s always so ready to offer help, no matter what case.

“It doesn’t have to be like full time,” Magnus adds casually “just some advice would be enough, after you’ve looked into this case.”

“I’ll be happy to help even if it goes to court,” Alec shrugs “as you’ve said, I’m done with my case, so yeah, I have time.”

“But school-“

“I’ll pass, right?” Alec smirks at him slightly. “You’re always telling me that.”

“Because you will, of course,” Magnus reminds him yet again “but I wouldn’t want to rip you away from-“

“You’re not. I want to help,” Alec states simply “talk to Raphael and set up some meeting so I can dive into it, okay?”

“Sure,” Magnus agrees. He leans in and kisses Alec on the cheek gently “thank you, angel.”

“If this is my payment then I have to reconsider,” Alec declares with a fake offence and Magnus shakes his head amusingly “come here.”

Alec cups his face as their lips meet in a kiss. It’s soft and sweet, and Magnus missed it. It may be one of the first time they got so close when he doesn’t reek of alcohol and Alec is clearly enjoying it too. But it’s still gentle and delicate. Alec kisses him with such care as if he was the world’s more valuable treasure. He’s not. He’s worth nothing to the world, but it’s enough for him if he’s worth something to Alec, because Alec is worth everything to him. He’d move the sun and the moon to make him happy. Alec would never ask for it, but Magnus knows he would be willing to do the same for him. In some sense, he actually did. He put his whole world in motion and Magnus never really wants it to stop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much! Let me know what you think about the chapter in the comments below!  
So, things are getting a bit better. Magnus finally acknowledged his problems and is ready to get help... It will be a difficult road, but there's still progress, right?  
I'll see you next week with another chapter! We're slowly coming to an end 🥺


	31. The Way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec focuses on school while Magnus keeps getting better + some surprises and celebrations.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello,  
I'm so sorry for the delay, I was planning on posting yesterday, but unfortunately, some things came up.  
Today, we're leaving the angst zone, but there's still a journey of healing before us. Thank you again for all of the support on this story, your comments are so very lovely  
WARNINGS: talks about drinking problems and sexual content (yes yes 😏) also, just a reminder that I'm not fully sure how the American educational system works, so excuse any mistakes with the college stuff.
> 
> Enjoy the read!

There must be some unwritten rule about not exaggerating yourself with studying a day before one of the most important exams in your life, but Alec pretends he’s never heard of it.

Luckily, Lydia had the same idea, so that’s why they end up huddled in the library on the campus. Going through everything they need to know once more.

Alec’s basically sure he’s going to pass. In the end, they managed to get through a whole legal process themselves, he knows how it all works from experience now… But the questions still can be tricky. And not only about how a case is going through the legal system. There are thousands of reasons for a lawsuit. And they need to know all of them.

So yes, he’s nervous, because tomorrow’s exam will terminate if he gets his license.

He may feel like a lawyer, but he legally isn’t one yet.

“Okay, I’m literally falling asleep,” Lydia announces as she stretches out in her seat.

“It’s only 5 pm, Lyds,” Alec reminds her with a chuckle.

“Yeah, maybe,” His friends starts mockingly “but it’s boring and we know everything. We should relax before tomorrow.”

Turns out, Lydia hasn’t fully forgotten about the unwritten rule.

Alec’s just about to say that she may be right and they should probably cut it short, but before he manages to speak, Lydia’s phone buzzes with a massage. She reaches for it immediately and smiles at the screen.

She doesn’t only smile, she also kind of blushes, Alec realises with curiosity.

“Who’s texting you?” He asks, but she must be too immersed in the reply she’s typing since she doesn’t answer. “Lydia!”

“What?” Lydia nearly jumps and almost drops her phone. The librarian turns to them from her desk with her finger raised to her lips in a gesture of ‘be quiet’. They send her back apologetic smiles.

“I asked who’s texting you?” Alec repeats, but way quieter this time.

“Oh,” Lydia says as if surprised at his question. Her cheeks become an even deeper shade of red when she begins to explain “so remember when I told you I had a date with his guy from my internship?”

“Yes,” Alec answers, a knowing smile forming on his lips.

“Yeah, so his name is John and we’re kind of… dating?” She states in a bit of questioning tone. “Or at least on our way to dating, you know.”

Alec nods, now with a full-on smirk. Lydia rolls his eyes at him, but it’s all too fond and she’s too happy to even pretend to be annoyed with him.

“That’s great,” Alec says then, his voice purely genuine and just… happy “you deserve to be happy, Lyds. I hope he gives you that.”

“Thank, Alec,” His friend returns his smile easily.

“But, if he turns out to be a jerk, you know I can-“ Alec begins and Lydia chuckles softly.

“I don’t need you to defend me, Lightwood,” She states teasingly “I can perfectly take care of myself. If he’s a jerk then he’s out.”

“And here I just wanted to be a good friend…” Alec trails off with fake offence and they both laugh. A bit too loud actually, since the librarian scolds them again. They chuckle yet again but decide that it’s enough and with a few more whispered words leave the library.

“He’s actually here to pick me up,” Lydia tells him as they walk towards the driveway. She tucks her hair behind her ear a bit nervously “we’re getting dinner or something.”

“Cool,” Alec states with an approving nod.

“Is Magnus picking you up?” She questions next. “I’m sure we can drop you off somewhere-“

“No,” Alec shakes his head “I have the car here. I have to pick Magnus up from the AA meeting.”

Lydia nods understandingly, sending him a bit of a more sympathetic smile. He told her some stuff about the situation with Magnus. She noticed something was going on too, so was relieved to finally find out why.

“How is he doing?” She asks then.

“Pretty good,” Alec lets out an exhale “has been sober for some time now. And he decided to try out those meetings so that’s good too. It’s his first one so… I want to know how it went and how he feels.”

“Yeah, of course,” Lydia agrees with a comforting smile. “Give him my best.” With these words, they practically reach the driveway.

“Sure. I’ll see you tomorrow,” Alec hugs her gently as a goodbye “and have fun.” He smirks at her again. She hits his shoulder lightly, but her smile is even brighter now.

Alec can’t help the quirk of his lips too, basically through the whole way to his car. It’s great to see his friend so happy. Especially Lydia. She’s never really had much luck in love, but Alec hopes this time is different. It feels different. Lydia is basically blooming and that never happened before. Alec can feel that this John may be good for her.

Recently, it feels like everything starts falling into place.

Alec starts the car, a smile still present on his lips.

He’s, of course, a few minutes early, but he’s always had a habit of arriving before the established time. Alec leaves the car and waits for a few minutes, till the door of the building finally open to reveal his boyfriend. Alec smiles at the sight of Magnus and it only widens when he returns it, as he begins to walk towards him.

“Hi, darling,” Magnus greets him when he’s close enough. Alec instantly brings his arms around him in a familiar gesture and kisses him gently. When they pull back he takes in his boyfriend for a few seconds. Magnus does appear to be a bit more relaxed. Definitely more at ease than when Alec was driving him here. He can’t blame him. Talking about your struggles in front of some strangers does seem like a scary perspective, but it may be also therapeutic.

“How was it?” Alec asks delicately, sweeping his palms up and down his back in a soothing gesture.

Magnus’ lips form into a thin line. He shrugs but then starts after a moment.

“Okay, I guess,” He nods to himself a bit as if deciding it was a good answer “weird, but kind of good weird? Does that make sense?”

“Yeah, it does,” Alec assures him softly.

“It was stressful to talk, but when the others did and I saw that they have similar problems… it got better. I think I’d like to come again.” Magnus states then.

“Sure,” Alec agrees. If it helps and he’s glad and of course he wants Magnus to continue. “Let’s go home, it must have been pretty exhausting.” He retorts to which his boyfriend nods lightly and lets himself be led to the car.

“How was studying?” Magnus asks when they set on the way.

“Okay, but my head is full of law terms. Like really full, overflowing,” Alec admits with a groan to which Magnus chuckles lightly. “I’m not reading anything more today. Whatever happens tomorrow, I did all I could.”

“What’s going to happen, is you acing the test,” Magnus tells him and steals a kiss from his cheek.

“Let’s hope so,” Alec exhales. He doesn’t want to tell show how nervous he’s getting, but it’s all beginning to crash down on him slowly.

“I mean it,” Magnus says in a bit more of a serious tone.

Alec offers him a nervous smile but tries to relax. At least tonight. It’s still kind of hard to believe that he’s graduating soon. The years of college may have been some of the worst of Alec’s life, from a lot of perspectives. They’ve been difficult and God, so exhausting. Still, he wouldn’t change the choices he’s made. And in the end, he made it. He’s finally going to become a lawyer, as he’s always wanted. Now, the thought that at the beginning he started it all to want to please his parents… he couldn’t be more wrong. This is something he truly loves, something that makes him better. With this job, he can help someone. Winning the case only proved him in that. This feeling of success, of achievement. It gets kind of addicting. And although Alec knows that there will be lost cases, it’s still worth it for moments of triumph like that one.

Whatever happens tomorrow, he’s already made more than one of his dreams come true.

Alec gets back home with his weird feeling slowly blooming in his chest.

He wrote the exam. The one that’s going to terminate if he’s going to be a lawyer. It’s only starting to hit him now. If he failed, he basically ruined his career.

The chance that he didn’t pass is slim, but still there. As far as he can remember, he’s always been assuming the worst an analysing the worst scenarios. The same thing is happening today. He should really cut it off. He did fine, deep down he knows it.

With a heavy sigh, he enters the loft, wishing of nothing more than to just drop on the couch and do literally nothing until the results arrive and he can finally relax.

“Magnus, I’m-“ Alec starts as he steps into the living room, but stops in his tracks as he notices that he’s boyfriend isn’t alone “hi, Luke.” He smiles at the man in greeting, a gesture he easily returns.

“Hi, Alec.”

“How did it go, darling?” Magnus is instantly at his side, resting a comforting palm on his lower back. Only the familiar weight of it makes Alec relax a bit. He shrugs lightly.

“Fine, I guess,” He answers eventually, his tone is kind of emotionless because he’s really not sure what to think.

But now there’s another thing that bothers him. Why is Luke here? Not that it isn’t lovely to see him, but why exactly would Magnus invite him? Just to catch up? Alec truly hopes so. But what if Magnus was feeling worse, or the need to drink returned? Usually, he calls Ragnor when Alec can’t be there, but maybe Ragnor was busy too, so he decided on Luke…

“I’m sure you passed with flying colours, Alec,” Luke states surely. Alec appreciates his confidence, he sends him a grateful nod. Then Luke gets up from the couch he’s been occupying. “Actually I think it’s time I head out,” He announces “it was lovely to see you both. Alec, stop stressing out and I’ll see you guys soon.”

Alec’s kind of surprised with his abrupt leave, but he and Magnus share a communicative gaze as the man passes him. He clasps Magnus on the shoulder lightly, and Alec’s sure he can hear his boyfriend whisper a thank you in Luke direction as he disappears. Alec frowns. Something begins to worry him.

“So,” Magnus starts when the door closes behind Luke. Suddenly Alec finds himself fully in his boyfriend’s embrace “how are you feeling?”

Alec just shrugs again.

“Luke is right, there’s no reason for you to worry,” Magnus says comfortingly.

“Yeah, I hope so,” Alec retorts with another exhale as he drops his gaze. He wants to ask Magnus about Luke’s visit, but kind of hopes that he brings it up himself. He promised to tell Alec if he ever felt worse. Him not saying anything now is kind of making him feel more down. But when Alec eventually looks up at his boyfriends, it’s to find Magnus grinning at him.

“I have a surprise for you,” Magnus announces proudly. Alec frowns at him but doesn’t protest when he begins to lead him further into the apartment. They stop when they reach the guest room’s door, Magnus' smile only widening while Alec offers him yet another confused look “so, since you’re graduating and becoming the best lawyer New York has ever known,” Alec rolls his eyes, but lets him continue “I thought you may need that.”

With these words, Magnus opens the door and Alec needs to take a double look to actually make sure he sees right.

The guest room, formerly consisting of basically only a bed and a closet, now looks unrecognizable.

The bed is gone, replaced by a big, beautiful, wooden desk in the middle of the room. There are also a few bookcases by the wall and a small sofa on the other side of the room. Still, it spacious, a perfect place to work in, that doesn’t feel crowded, where your mind can be clear.

Alec looks back at Magnus with his mouth wide open, only shaking his head in disbelieve.

“Some time ago we talked about you needing office space so… here it is,” Magnus points to the room in front of them, his smile still not fading. “Do you like it?” He asks then, a bit more insecurely.

For a moment Alec just can’t take his eyes off the wonderful surprise in front of him, but when he eventually does, it’s to lean in and kiss Magnus, not trusting any words now to describe how amazed he is, hoping it will answer Magnus’ question.

“I love it,” He says when they part, then stepping fully into the room, inspecting it more closely. Every furniture fits perfectly, there are already a few of Alec’s books put on the shelves. He gently traces the smooth surface of the desk, still speechless.

“Luke helped me put this whole thing together,” Magnus speaks then “we barely made it on time when you arrived,” He adds with a chuckle. “So he wasn’t actually supposed to be here, but… well, it happened.”

Alec feels yet another knot untying in his stomach. Magnus is doing better than ever and Luke was her to help him put together this amazing surprise. He can’t help but laugh lightly too. Yeah, always assuming the worst, he scolds himself in his head, shaking his head lightly to get rid of the bad scenarios in his mind.

When he finally shakes off his daze, Magnus’ hand is resting lightly above his on the desk. His boyfriend looks at him patiently, as if waiting for his brain to finally come online. Alec shakes his head again, letting out a carefree laugh.

“Thank you,” He finally comes to his senses to say these words “it’s amazing I… I don’t really know what to say.”

“You don’t have to say anything,” Magnus assures him with a smile, taking his hand and placing a soft kiss there. He’s been smiling the whole time, till now when he’s expression falls. “Normally, I’d offer a glass of champagne to celebrate, but-“

“We don’t need that,” Alec states, squeezing his hand a bit tighter. Magnus nods with an annoyed sigh as he drops his gaze.

“I know,” He admits “I just… God, I feel like I need a drink. I’m sorry, I’m ruining everything again-“

“Hey, nothing is ruined,” Alec gently places his palm on his cheek to urge him to look back up “everything is perfect, Magnus.” He makes sure their eyes meet when he speaks, to be sure Magnus knows he means it.

Magnus offers a tight smile. Alec can see how hard he tries to appear unbothered and get back to his cheerful self. It’s not about it, Alec doesn’t want him to hide how he feels. He never wanted for Magnus to feel the need to cover anything up with a smile.

“I’m here,” Alec reminds him softly “you don’t have to hide.”

“I know,” Magnus repeats, but his voice sounds weaker now like he’s holding back the tears.

Well, he doesn’t have to.

“Come here,” Alec just whispers and draws him into his arms.

He can pretend that he doesn’t hear Magnus’ sniffles if that’s what he wants. He can never bring it up if it makes him feel better. No one has to know, it doesn’t matter. What does, is Magnus finally letting himself be vulnerable with him, no boundaries, no hiding. As it was always supposed to be.

Alec just holds him tighter and smiles through his wet eyes. It’s all progress, that’s what matters.

The next two weeks are incredibly stressful.

Alec tries to focus on different things than the looming over him results. Magnus finally sets up the meeting with Raphael and Rosa, so at least he has something to work on after they’ve talked the case through. It’s all very complex and tricky, but Alec wouldn’t be himself if he didn’t try to find a loophole to come up with some solution.

He spends a lot of time in his new homemade office, still enjoying the freshness of it and organizing the space. Soon enough, the shelves are filled with not only his textbooks, but all of his other pieces of literature that used to lay around the apartment, or that were hidden somewhere in his drawers for the lack of space. As he sits at his desk now, his eyes often wander to the volume of poetry Magnus gifted him for their first anniversary. He smiles at he remembers the words that are marked there.

_All I want is boundless love._

Alec realises that he doesn’t need to want it anymore, he already has it. Has had it for a long while. He smiles even wider at that small realization.

Like he’s been doing for the past fifteen minutes, he again hits the page refresh button on his laptop, already logged into the site where the result should appear any minute now.

Somewhere along the week, he forgot about all of the stress, but now it’s returning.

He sits at the desk, resting his face on his palm clicking the button yet again. And when the page refreshes, he immediately sits up. It’s up, only one click and he’ll know. He’s done waiting.

Fuck, but does he want to know what’s really waiting there for him? What if he failed? Is he doesn’t click, he won’t find out. He hesitates. 

He knows one thing, he doesn’t want to do it alone.

Abruptly, he stands up from his desk, grabbing his computer and half running back to the living room where Magnus is.

His boyfriend immediately looks up from the book he’s been reading when he sees him in the doorway, some kind of alarmed expression on his features. Probably noticing Alec’s panic.

“There results are up,” Alec informs him, which makes Magnus nod in acknowledgement. And as if understanding without words, he pats the space next to him on the couch. Alec takes a few strides, puts his computer on the coffee table and sits down, his leg bouncing nervously at his side.

Magnus sees him hesitate and rests his palm on his thigh to stop it from shaking.

“Stop it, darling,” He urges gently “you passed, that’s granted.”

Alec nods. Because he really knows that.

But a few days after the exam, he realised something else.

He doesn’t want to just pass. He wants to get a good score. There may still be some part of him that tells him to always be the best. He wants to be the best. But not because it’s something his parents wanted for him, but because it’s something he truly loves. Law somehow became his passion. It may seem kind of silly, but that’s the truth.

With one more look at Magnus and receiving an impatient look, he takes the last step to reveal his score.

And for a moment, both of them just stare at the screen.

“That’s your score?” Magnus asks first, but Alec’s not sure how much time has passed. Alec nods, still in daze and awe, and maybe even shock. “92%?!” Magnus lets out a warm laugh, but his voice is full of pride when he turns back to Alec, who’s still trying to come back to himself.

Well, he did it. It’s way better then he thought.

He releases a breath, that feels like he’s been holding him since he answers the last question on the exam and finally, finally relaxes.

He’s done, he passed and now there’s only the graduation left. No matter how hard it had been, he made it.

Some sound between a laugh and a sob escapes him when he takes in all of this.

“I’m so proud of you, darling!” Magnus exclaims and throws his arms around him, hugging him tightly. “I told you not to worry, didn’t I?” He adds more teasingly.

“I made it, Magnus,” Alec states, still kind of in awe for himself. The hard work did pay off.

“Yep, you did,” Magnus agrees, still beaming with pride.

Alec finally lets a wide grin overcome his face and then he just laughs, a wave of a joyful laugh escaping him. Soon Magnus joins in too. When it finally dies down, Alec leans more into his boyfriend’s chest, letting himself process everything.

He feels some chapter kind of closing. The college has been a stressful time, it doesn’t mean that what comes next is going to be blissful. There’s still the matter of finding a job, later, taking on cases that may not be easy… But everything that he’s been doing has prepared him for this. He’ll handle it.

As he feels Magnus drop a kiss to the top of his head, he still shakes his head disbelievingly. It may take a while before everything sinks in.

Alec is freaking terrified.

He closes the door after himself when he enters the loft with way too much force and nervously walks around the apartment until he finds Magnus in the kitchen. He nearly jumps at the sound of the doors slamming shut and looks up at Alec worriedly, noticing how his face is twisting in panic.

“What’s going on?” He asks with his eyes wide.

Alec only lets the envelope drop on the kitchen counter for his boyfriend to see.

Everything’s been going great. He passed his exams, figuring out the case with Raphael and Rosa has been progressive too recently. He was actually walking back from the meeting he had with them and he decided to collect the mail.

He didn’t expect to find a letter from his college there.

He’s basically a graduate now, the ceremony is in a few days. What could they want from him?

“What is it?” Magnus takes the letter in between his palms and reads the inceptions.

“God, they probably messed something up with the results, right?” Alec starts pacing the room nervously, running a hand over his face. “Why would they send a letter otherwise? Who even sends letters now, Magnus? It has to be something serious.”

“Darling, calm down,” Magnus instructs him tranquilly “before you start freaking out, maybe just read it?”

Alec shakes his head.

“I can’t,” He admits, not really caring how pathetic he sounds “I’m scared.”

“Alexander,” Magnus smiles sympathetically and shakes his head with a bit of amusement “I’m sure it’s nothing bad.”

“You read it, I really don’t want to,” When he sees the words on paper, it will be over for him.

Maybe he’s missed too many hours in some class. God, he should have calculated it before. But why would they only tell him this now? It’s too late.

Magnus sighs, but tears the envelope open, pulling out the piece of paper. Alec has stopped his agitated pacing by now, waiting anxiously for his boyfriend to tell him what it is about.

Magnus’ eyes scan the words in the letter, his expression quite unreadable at the beginning, but when a shadow of a smile starts to ghost on his features, Alec lets himself relax a bit.

“Dear Mr Lightwood,” Magnus reads in much of an official voice “we are very pleased to inform you, that after reviewing your achievements, which is being part of a legal team that led a case through the court process that resolved in winning, Columbia University decided to name you one of our graduates who will receive special honours during the graduation ceremony. We would like to thank you for your input in serving justice and congratulate on marvellous exam results. Sincerely, Columbia University.” Magnus folds back the paper and smiles at him, that same proud smile that hasn't even had a chance to fade from his lips yet after Alec’s results came a few days earlier.

“It really says it?” Alec just asks, incredulously.

“See for yourself, if you want” Magnus hands him the paper, the pride still emanating from him. His cheeks must be hurting from that grin.

Alec quickly lets his eyes scan the letter and well… He knew Magnus wasn’t fooling him, but seeing it for himself.

“Oh my God,” He practically gasps, still shaking his head as he covers his still wide open mouth with his palm.

“When will you finally believe me, when I tell you that you’re amazing, angel?” Magnus questions playfully, but when Alec finally tears his eyes away from the letter, he sees that his boyfriend is just as moved as he is. Alec can feel the tears in his eyes and spots them being mirrored in Magnus’.

In a few quick strides, Magnus crosses the distance between them and sweeps Alec up in his arms, basically lifting him off the floor and spinning him around with a joyous laugh escaping his lips.

Alec’s mind still hasn’t caught up with everything. His head is basically spinning, not especially from Magnus twirling him around.

“But…” He starts when his boyfriend finally puts him down. He’s not sure what he intended to say, so he ends up with one word “how?”

Magnus shrugs, his arm still resting tightly around Alec, reminding him that this is real. It’s all happening.

“Does it matter, darling?” Magnus retorts, still smiling but it’s softer now. “You deserve it.”

And for the first time, Alec doesn’t feel the need to deny. Because he really does deserve it.

So he doesn’t say anything, but as he leans in to kiss Magnus, he feels that it still says more than a thousand words could.

“To our wonderful graduates!” Maryse raises her glass and the rest of the table mirrors the gesture.

Alec insisted on no alcohol at the dinner tonight, just not to push the luck, which Magnus tried to talk him out of, not wanting everyone to resign something on his behalf. He also offered that he didn’t really have to be here, since beside celebrating Alec and Lydia passing their exams, it’s mostly a dinner celebrating their case’s victory, that they didn’t have a chance to hold before.

But Alec still wanted Magnus to come with him to Maryse’s tonight. A part of it may be because he just didn’t want to leave him alone for too long, but he also just wanted his boyfriend to be here.

Maryse also invited Luke to accompany her, Josh took Lily, who actually is just as much a part of their team as the rest of them. Lydia restrained from bringing John, saying that it’s all still too fresh, but Alec doesn’t miss how she keeps smiling down on her phone. He doesn’t call her out on in though.

So, of course, he wanted Magnus to be here too.

“I’m so proud of you, son,” Maryse says after they finished dinner, now all of them enjoying a glass of non-alcoholic mojito that Luke has prepared.

She runs a hand through Alec’s hair gently, something about this gesture reminding him of his childhood. Alec smiles at her.

He knows she’s proud, has been saying this for the whole evening. Same with the rest. Izzy basically yelled at him happily when he called to tell her about his exam score. Jace tried to play it cool, just saying his ‘I told you so’, but Alec couldn’t miss the pride in his voice. Something that his brother had thoughtfully admitted to right after he stopped with the teasing.

Alec looks around the table. They did make a great team during the case and he’s glad they remain in touch and such good relations. Some part of him was scared that maybe Josh would want to just cut him off and forget about everything they had gone through during the process of the case, but nothing like this happen. He’s happy about it, Josh is a good guy and after everything he’s been through, he sure deserves some caring friends and some space where he feels safe. Maryse’s apartment became some kind of a shelter for all of them after the late nights spent here figuring out the case.

As Alec’s eyes meet Josh’s now, he smiles and raises his glass, toasting to him and then getting back to his talk with Lily.

Then Alec’s sight wanders, kind of without his control over it, to check in on Magnus, but he seems to be doing okay too, immersed into some conversation with Luke and Lydia.

“So,” Maryse starts and Alec focuses back on her, “Magnus told me you’re already taking on some other case?”

“Yeah, his friend needed some legal advice, but I’m sure I can handle it,” Alec replies. He always appreciates his mom’s help, but this he can truly do himself.

“I don’t doubt it,” Maryse doesn’t let her smile fall. It feels like she’s been smiling the whole evening. Then she sighs, but it’s kind of a dreamy sound. “I just liked our little team so much,” She chuckles lightly. “Maybe we should just start our own law firm, we could be unstoppable!” She laughs now.

Alec joins her on it, but can’t deny that this is an idea that’s been on his mind recently. He’s been trying to look for some jobs at various law firms, but there’s always something that he doesn’t like there. He may be picky, but if he’s going to be a good lawyer, he has to follow his own rules and values.

Starkweather’s was good, but not for a longshot. Everyone was too methodical at some point, not really caring about their clients’ comfort. Well, maybe not everyone, but definite most, Alec saw it for himself. He’s not that upset that he’s left. The only part that he’s missing is Starkweather as his mentor.

So starting something on his own… Especially with his mom, and maybe Lydia… God, that would be a dream come true. They’d be working on their own rules, just as they had been through this whole case. It would work out.

But Alec also knows how life works. He can’t wish for too much, and it’s been good recently. He can’t risk everything now for some dream. Besides, it can’t be that easy to set up a law firm. And also, Maryse still has her cases from Lightwood LP, Lydia is probably going to work for the company that offered her the internship in the first place.

And him? Well, he’s going to handle himself.

“Even I didn’t get such a great score,” Maryse’s voice pulls Alec out of his thoughts. He turns to her with his brows raised in surprise. She just nods, but there’s no bitterness in her expression. “Yeah, you’ve really outdone yourself.”

“Thanks, mom,” It’s not like it was easy, so he’s kind of done with being modest and not accepting the nice words. He doesn’t even blush that much. At least around others, Magnus still has some other effect on him.

Maryse keeps smiling at him and then Alec decides to ask something that’s been on his mind since he received the letter. Or more like since he let the information sink in and the wave of tremendous euphoria pass.

“Mom,” He starts and Maryse looks at him with a question in her eyes “did you inform Columbia about the case?”

His mom is clearly surprised at the question, she frowns a little but shakes her head.

“No,” She answers then “I didn’t say a word.”

Alec nods thoughtfully. Well someone had to tell them, but Alec can see that his mom is not lying. He didn’t tell anyone, neither Lydia. None of them is really the type to brag about their achievements on the campus. And it’s not like many people knew. There is a slim chance someone overheard them on the campus, but whoever it could have been, would go straight to the source for confirmation before offering them the opportunity to graduate with honours.

“Why are you asking? They probably knew because of Raj, he was a student there. That’s what I assumed at least.” Maryse admits then. 

And she must be right. Since Raj was involved in the case Alec guesses that’s how the authorities knew. They must have followed the case and find out who was behind it.

Maybe there is justice somewhere in this world. Or maybe it’s yet another trick to appease the situation the university found itself in, after one of its students turned out to be such a criminal, to paint a better image. It would for sure help to create a good picture, to reward the people who uncovered the truth.

But Alec just shakes his head. It’s not like he’s going to care about it too much. He and Lydia deserved it after the hard work.

“You’re right,” Alec tells his mom then, and easy smile flowing onto his lips “I was just wondering.” He shrugs.

“Well, however they found out, it’s well-deserved,” Maryse retorts to which Alec nods. Then, probably after noticing how Alec’s eyes keep drifting to Magnus, she asks “how is he?”

She doesn’t need to specify who.

“Good,” Alec sends her a reassuring smile. She was very worried after finding out about Magnus’ troubles, offering her help instantly. Right after she declared to make sure that Asmodeus will also be charged with revealing medical, classified information. Alec and Magnus decided to stay out of the process. Actually, Alec left this decision to Magnus, but his boyfriend decided that he never again wants to see that man, not even in court. But there’s still enough evidence to get him a life sentence, even without Alec’s or Magnus’ statements. Either way, Maryse said that she’ll keep an eye on this case. Alec is kind of thankful for that. “He’s been coming to those AA meetings. I think they may be helping a bit too,” Alec adds, observing as Magnus laughs at something Luke must have said.

“That’s great,” Maryse squeezes Alec’s shoulder gently “I’m glad he finally let someone help him.” She states.

And well, Alec is happy about it too.

“Sorry, I hope I’m not interrupting,” Alec turns to his left to see Josh approaching them.

“No, of course not,” It’s Maryse who answers, already getting up from her seat to make some space for Josh “I’m going to give you boys a moment,” She smiles at the both of them, before leaning in and dropping a kiss on Alec’s cheek. “I’m really so, so proud, son.”

Alec lets his sight trail over her with a smile. It may soon become annoying, for how many times everyone says they’re proud of him, but he can’t deny it doesn’t feel nice.

Josh takes the seat Maryse previously occupied, but a few moments pass before he speaks.

“I guess I just wanted to thank you again,” Josh starts. Alec releases that they didn’t get the chance to talk in person since the case ended. Even then, it was only a short phone conversation “without you… I’d probably still live in fear. Now I… Well, I know I’m not exactly okay, but I’m better. I feel safer, knowing that he’s not out there walking freely, but actually locked up. He’s not going to hurt anyone and that’s… comforting.”

Alec smiles at him. His words mean a lot. The fact that he feels better, safer… that’s all Alec wanted since he took this case. He himself feels much better too, without the sense that this bastard may be lurking at every corner. It feels like he can finally exhale.

“I told you, it was a team effort,” Alec reminds Josh, but the man only chuckles lightly.

“I know, but I just… When you approached me about this for the first time, I was terrified, I admit. But now I’m not, not anymore. This whole thing showed me how strong I am. And I’m not saying this to boost up in fort of you,” He adds quickly, laughing softly again. Alec has never seen him smiling so much, has never really heard that clear and joyful laugh from him till now. It makes his smile widen. “I just want you to know, that it’s all thanks to you. That I’ve learnt a lot from you and you made me believe, not only in justice but in myself again.”

Alec feels his eyes becoming glassy. The pure honesty from Josh’s words is what strikes him the most. He’s not making this up, Alec really was the one to help him, when he thought that no one ever would.

“I’m glad you feel like that,” He manages to say, his throat closing up for a second “thank you, for letting me help. It was brave of you.”

Josh nods and they both share a smile. As Alec's eyes the man a bit more precisely now, he notices how Josh has changed. For the better, of course. A bright smile lighting up his whole face, he’s not stooping anymore, not trying to make himself lesser than he is, not trying to hide anything. He wears himself proudly, the survivor he is. There are still scars on the inside, some of them will probably never fully heal, but there is progress.

“He keeps saying how proud of you he is,” Alec didn’t even notice his eyes wandered to find Magnus again before Josh follows his line of sight and speaks “really, I wonder how you endure this at home.” He adds jokingly.

“It’s very difficult,” Alec plays along and they both laugh again “I’ll never hear the end of it.”

“Truly, a nightmare,” Josh sums up teasingly.

“Yeah, exactly,” Alec says, not taking his eyes away from his boyfriend. When Magnus meets his gaze, he smiles at him too.

If these were supposed to be his dreams, he would never want to wake up.

They get back home a bit late after dinner. It’s the weekend, so there’s nothing to worry about. It’s not like Alec has any classes anyway. But now he starts to feel all of the stress rolling off of him. The case, college, Magnus’ drinking problems… all of it begins to slowly fade away, they’re leaving this in the past and slowly, Alec grasps that he can relax. It’s not like the future only holds unicorns and rainbows for them now, but Alec decides to just live in the moment. He can worry about the future later.

He’s already sitting on their bed after a shower, texting Izzy and reporting her about today’s dinner. She promised to take him out for a celebratory coffee after the season of her exams finishes.

Magnus is bustling around the bathroom, probably going through his nighttime routine, but the doors are open, so Alec is graced by the wonderful view of his boyfriend’s handsome form, with only a towel wrapped around his waist. Magnus catches Alec’s eye in the mirror and winks at him. Feeling like he’s been busted at starting, Alec blushes and drops his gaze, but he manages to get a glimpse of Magnus’ amused smile.

After a few minutes, Alec brings himself to speak.

“How are you feeling?” He asks Magnus, playing nervously with the edge of the covers that he’s sitting underneath.

Magnus hums lightly.

“Is that some sort of a deeper question, as I feel it may be?” He says in a teasing tone and Alec shakes his head a bit. He’s always not sure how to bring it up with Magnus. He doesn’t just want to bluntly ask if he feels the need to drink. He feels that if he does, something may break, he’s not sure why.

“I’m good,” Magnus assures him, probably nothing his nervousness “seriously, darling. I think the meetings are helping. You’re with me basically all the time, distracting me if any indecent thought may come…” He trails off, but then Alec can see that he hesitates a bit.

“What is it?” He asks gently.

Magnus sighs heavily. He walks away from the mirror and leans onto the doorframe, now facing Alec. He shrugs a little.

“I don’t really know,” He admits “sometimes it’s just like… I feel out of control. Like my body and my mind want totally different things. But I’m handling it, I would tell you if it was too much. They actually mentioned at the meetings that it’s because I know what’s right and wrong, but it’s kind of like muscle memory? Every time I get worried or stressed I automatically reach for a drink.”

Alec nods taking in his words. He’s glad that Magnus manages to talk to him about this so openly. And it all does make sense. It may take a while before all of these thoughts disappear.

“But as I said, there’s nothing for you to worry about,” Magnus assures him again “I am doing great. And I do feel better.” He smiles.

Alec mirrors the expression but then bites his lip. It’s his turn to hesitate. Magnus observes him with his head tilted slightly but lets him take his time.

After mustering up all the courage he can, Alec finally asks.

“And what does your body want now?”

Magnus is clearly taken aback by this question, some hint of surprise appearing on his features, but after a while, he seems to follow Alec’s train of thoughts, also considering the slightly nervous tone of his boyfriend’s voice. He lets his lips form into a slight smirk.

“A lot of things,” He answers teasingly “You among them.”

Alec exhales sharply.

“And your mind?”

Magnus pretends to think about an answer for a while.

“Surprisingly, my body and mind seem to come to an agreement tonight,” He finally replies, turning off the bathroom’s light and marching towards the bed.

“You said you want to be in control,” Alec recalls his earlier words. He can hear that his voice sounds deeper “maybe you should come over here and take it over.”

It’s Magnus’ turn to let out an audible breathe. Alec’s not sure why he feels so nervous. The worst thing Magnus could do is to refuse him. And it wouldn’t actually be bad. Alec misses his boyfriend, but if he’s not ready for anything more then that’s totally okay. It’s been a while since they were intimate.

A bit to his surprise, Magnus’ smirk deepens as he questions.

“Are you naked under there?”

He is.

“Come here and see for yourself,” Alec tries for his voice not to tremble too much.

Magnus hums as if considering his options and Alec can’t help the relieve breath that escapes his lips when Magnus doesn’t stop on his way to the bed. He seems even more eager now, as he climbs into the bed next to him and leans down to kiss him. Alec presses them closer with his hand on the nape of Magnus’ neck, soon needing to break the kiss to exhale, but diving in with doubled force right away.

Magnus' palms start to wander, travelling over the well-known valleys of Alec’s body. His shoulders, his chest, drifting lower, leaving a pleasant line of warmth everywhere they touch. Alec feels as if his touch was electric, making him shiver.

“You are naked,” Magnus pulls back from his lips when his hand reaches Alec’s bare hip. Alec nods, his lower lip trapped in between his teeth. Magnus reaches with his thumb to free it delicately.

“You could be too,” Alec says quietly between them, placing his hand gently to where Magnus’ towel is wrapped around his hips, but waiting for his boyfriend’s decision, looking at him from under his lashes. “I don’t want to pressure you,” He adds a bit more uncertainly.

Magnus' hand cups his face now, forcing their eyes to meet. His voice is serious when he speaks, but there’s something about it that sets a fire burning underneath Alec’s skin.

“I want nothing more,” He says, guiding Alec’s hand to untie the knot on his towel, letting it fall on the bed. Alec can’t stop the soft gasp “than to make love to you.”

Alec manages to nod before their lips are pressed together again. They shift, laying down on their sides, kissing like they’ve been deprived of it for God knows how long. Magnus hooks Alec’s leg around his waist, making their hips grind together so delightfully that Alec can’t help but moan, letting Magnus swallow the sound.

Soon, Magnus settles in between his legs, hovering above him. It feels like they haven’t stopped kissing for even a second, not that Alec minds. But when Magnus keeps rolling his hips against his, he has to pull back and take a breath, but it’s only an inch and he can still basically feel the warmth of Magnus’ lips on his.

Alec lets his hands travel through the planes of Magnus' shoulders, dive into the small of his back, then reaching his hips he grips them and guides his movements.

“I missed you,” Alec’s not sure if Magnus can make out his words from where how breathy they sound, but he then tangles his fingers into Magnus’ hair, making him pull back lightly with a groan so Alec can look him in the eyes to make him see that he means it.

“Me too, darling,” Magnus lets them just stare at each other for a few seconds and it feels like time has stopped “so much.”

Alec manages to catch a glimpse of his smile before he dives in to ravish is neck with kisses.

“Magnus,” Alec hisses, his fingers tightening in his hair as Magnus sucks on a particularly sensitive spot on his neck, without a doubt leaving a mark. Alec doesn’t care in the slightest.

With Magnus pressed so close to him, all of the thoughts fly out of the window. Alec’s mind feels empty, all of his senses focused on the warmth radiating from Magnus’ body, on the wet kisses he keeps leaving on his neck and collarbones, on the fresh scent of their sandalwood shampoo and the feeling of soft hair underneath his fingers.

Alec switches his brain off, let’s Magnus do as he pleases with him, offers himself whole, trusting him with no limits, as he’s always had.

“What do you want, angel?” Magnus asks after reluctantly pulling back from his neck.

Alec lets his eyes trail over his boyfriend’s features for a moment, yet again coming to the realisation of how beautiful he is. Alec loves every version of him, but this one, bare-faced with messy hair and eyes so full of love and want… There’s something he just adores about this image.

“Whatever you want,” Alec replies, still holding his gaze “you’re in control.”

Magnus smiles at him, but there’s some hint of uncertainty in his eyes now.

“I know,” His fingers sweep some loose hair from Alec’s forehead. He did it countless times before, but still, it feels more intimate now “I just don’t want to do anything you wouldn’t like.”

“I trust you,” Alec declares, placing a kiss to Magnus’ palm from where it’s resting on his cheek now “I only want you.”

“I want you too, so bad,” Magnus’ voice is deep with desire as he speaks. Alec tilts his head up, asking for a kiss that he knows Magnus won’t deny him.

As much as Alec likes the sex itself, he also loves this. How they come together, how they seem to only want to get closer to each other, even if it’s not possible. Alec still holds him tighter, presses them closer together till basically none of their limbs are apart, their bodies covered fully with each other.

Alec feels Magnus stretch to the bedside table, reaching blindly, still not interrupting their kiss.

“We don’t need them,” Alec breaks their lips apart and shakes his head lightly, biting his lip again “the condoms, I mean. If you’re okay with that.”

Magnus takes one quick look at the box in his hand and without much thinking shrugs and tosses it away somewhere, prompting a warm laugh from Alec.

“Very okay with that,” He murmurs before diving into the kiss again, both of their chests bubbling with laughter.

They kiss for another while, could be minutes or just seconds. Alec doesn’t count, way too lost in the pleasure, his body vibrating with want and anticipation. He’s getting drunk on the sounds as he invades Magnus’ mouth with his tongue in a slow exploration.

When Magnus slides the first finger inside him, Alec’s hands instinctively wander to the headboard of the bed, needing something to hold on to.

“Fuck,” A low curse escapes his lips. It’s been a while.

“Tell me if you want to slow down,” Magnus tells him, always paying attention to his comfort. Alec nods but doesn’t ask him to stop, already getting used to the feeling.

They work slowly, still trading lazy kisses, moving steadily, but surely. Alec’s hands find purchase on the blades of Magnus’ shoulders, digging his fingers there when Magnus thrusts three fingers in, a series of breathy gasps pouring out of his mouth.

“Ready?” Magnus asks as he delicately withdraws his fingers after a while.

“Yeah,” Alec nods eagerly, wrapping his legs around his hips. He’s going to get crazy if Magnus isn’t inside him right in the next second.

They both moan when Magnus gently pushes in, their lips close enough to kiss, but not able to connect quite yet, too busy with voicing out the pleasure. Magnus gives him a moment to adjust, but soon Alec signalises with a nod that he can move, which he does.

Alec can’t help the broken moan ripping out from his throat, at this point he doesn’t even try to keep quiet. He knows how much Magnus likes it and how it turns him on.

“Fuck, you feel so amazing,” Magnus’ voice doesn’t remain unaffected too, the words are breathy, followed up with a groan.

Soon they catch a rhythm, moving together smoothly, sweat appearing on their immersed bodies. The room gets overcame with husky gasps and moans as Magnus increases his pace and drives into him faster.

“Magnus,” Alec gasps out against his lips. His boyfriend pulls back lightly to look at him, his eyes full of desire and need “slow down.” Alec instructs.

“I thought I’m in control,” Magnus says teasingly after slowing the pace. Alec can’t help to release the laugh bubbling up in his chest.

“You are,” He agrees and brings him closer again, hooking his arms around his neck “I just want you to feel it.” He breathes out.

He doesn’t kiss him right away, observing his face instead, seeing how his eyes roll back in pleasure, barely restraining from closing his, overwhelmed with the thrill, but he just can’t deny himself to look at Magnus that beautiful, relaxed and lost in this bliss.

“Right there,” Alec keeps encouraging him, hardly able to form his own words when Magnus thrusts his hips just right “don’t stop. Fuck, so good, baby.”

Magnus only answers with a moan on his own, focusing on his movements. Alec adores the way the muscles on his body move underneath his palms when he sweeps his hand there, mapping his body.

“I’m close,” Magnus dives in to kiss him again, fingers locking around Alec’s hip in a hard grip, rolling his hips into him in a slow, but deep thrusts that make Alec whimper and shiver all over.

Magnus manages to withdraw his hips once more, before pushing back in and making all of the air escape Alec's lungs. Magnus moans loudly as he releases inside of him, collapsing on top of Alec’s body, and the wave of warmth that overcomes Alec is enough for him to let go too, reaching his climax.

He’s not sure for how long they’ve been trying to catch their breath, but when they finally stop their chests from rising rapidly, all they manage is a still breathless laugh.

Magnus rests his head on Alec’s chest and he’s pretty sure he can hear Alec’s raced heartbeat. They allow themselves yet another few moments of quiet.

“I love you so much,” Magnus says when he raises his head to look at him. Alec smiles, he loves this messy look on his boyfriend.

“I love you too,” Alec replies, still with no control over how breathy his words sound.

Magnus leans in to kiss him again, delicately pulling out and smiling against his lips, but then deciding to peck him yet again. Then he rolls onto his back, and Alec takes it as his cue to settle comfortably in on his chest, Magnus’ arm wandering around him, caressing his shoulder gently.

They stay in silence, basking into the afterglow and the feeling of closeness with each other. Alec starts to draw random shapes with his fingers on Magnus’ chest when his boyfriend decides to speak.

“Have I thanked you yet?” He asks and Alec rests his chin on his chest to be able to properly look at him.

“For a round of amazing sex? No, I don’t think so,” Alec retorts teasingly, but he knows that it probably wasn’t what the question implied. Still, they both laugh warmly.

“No,” Magnus shakes his head then “I mean, obviously it was incredible,” He points out prompting yet another chuckle from Alec. “I mean, for everything you’ve done for me. Taking care of me, putting up with my terrible moods. I was kind of a lot recently.”

“You don’t have to thank me,” Alec states softly “you would have done the same.”

Alec’s sure of it. There were times when Alec thought he was being too much too, but Magnus never complained, always stood by him and was ready to comfort him and take care of him. Why should Alec be any different?

“I just feel like I’ll never be able to make it all up to you,” Magnus admits a bit regretfully now.

Alec just shrugs.

“I don’t need anything in return. What happened, happened so let’s no go back to it. Turn over a new leaf.”

“If it was that easy…” Magnus trials of and sighs. Alec cups his face gently, making his eyes return to him.

“We can try,” He proposes. He knows it won’t be easy to forget. Especially for Magnus. but they would be cowards if they just let it eat them up “no matter how long it takes. I’ll be here, ready to start a new chapter with you.”

“I’d like that,” Magnus retorts, pressing a sweet kiss to his forehead “you and me as the main characters.” He laughs lightly.

“Yeah,” Alec agrees. Nothing will come between them again, they’ll try their hardest for it, Alec’s sure of it.

In the end, it’s them who write their own story.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Let me know what you think in the comments! 😊  
We are definitely ending on a happier and more hopeful note. Do you think the boys are through the worst now? What more can happen in the few chapters we have left? I'll be back next week to answer some of these questions!


	32. The Future

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More surprises and plans for the future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!  
So this chapter Magnus plans some stuff and shows his romantic side, but as we know not everything always goes according to plans... WARNINGS: mentions of drinking problems, lots of feelings (there probably will be tears. Of joy? Sadness?)  
Next week I will be posting the last "proper" chapter + the epilogue and the journey will end... I saw some comments about whether the third part will be happening: it won't. But maybe some one-shots in the future... I am not saying no to that :) 
> 
> Enjoy the read!

Magnus laughs at yet another story about one of her recent patients Catarina decided to share. With his head thrown back, he gently wipes the wetness at the corners of his eyes.

Even Ragnor chuckles under his breath, trying not to let it show how amused he truly is.

He’s become a very frequent guest at the loft, Magnus realises. He doesn’t mind, in fact, he’s glad that his friend is there for him. After finally coming to his senses, Magnus acknowledged the fact that Ragnor is trying to help him and is always there for him. He appreciates it so much, especially when Alec isn’t home for whatever reasons. Ragnor became his first choice to call if the desire to get a drink became too much.

Fortunately, it’s not the case today.

He’s been sober for over a month now, a little victory that maybe he should be celebrating, but he’s aware that there’s a long way of recovery ahead of him.

Today, however, Magnus has just missed his friends. Alec is out figuring out the case with Raphael and Rosa and Magnus decided he doesn’t feel like being alone. So he called Cat and Ragnor to come over.

“I’m telling you, every time I think I’ve seen literally everything, my job tends to only prove me wrong,” Catarina states, shaking her head amusingly “but okay, enough about me and my boring job,” she continues after taking a sip of her tea. Magnus can’t help the thought that usually, it would be a margarita in her hand now, but his friends refused any kind of alcoholic drinks tonight, claiming that it’s not for Magnus’ sake, but he knows the truth. Instead, Rangnor promised to introduce them to the wonders of tea, which as a true English man, he adores. None of them bothered to tell him that they prefer coffee, either way, Ragnor knows but that doesn’t make him any less persistent “how have you been doing?” Cat asks then.

Ragnor shrugs a little.

“Same as usual,” He says eventually “lots of patients, lots of work… At least Magnus is acting decently.” He smirks.

Cat swats him on the arm lightly, but they all laugh anyway. Then his friends’ eyes turn to him, clearly waiting for an answer.

“I’m good,” He replies and is grateful that he doesn’t have to lie to them anymore. He really is doing great, trying not to go back to the hard times, just leaving them behind, but sometimes he is still hunted by Asmodeus’ words, mostly at nights, in some kind of a form of nightmares. Luckily, all he needs to do to push them away is snuggle closer to Alec, as if he was his some sort of lucky charm.

Ragnor and Cat are still inspecting him with persistent looks as if waiting for him to elaborate on his answer. He sighs and rolls his eyes, but knows they won’t let go easily.

“I’m trying not to look back on… everything,” Magnus admits “thinking about the future.”

“And how’s Alec?” Ragnor questions, dropping yet another sugar cube into his cup. This man will get diabetes soon if he continues like this…

What stroke Magnus back then when Ragnor visited their apartment after Alec called him, was the care he’d shown for his boyfriend. He knew Ragnor and Alec have good relations, but he’s also aware how different it is from what Ragnor and Magnus He’s Magnus’ best friend, while with Alec it’s a bit more complicated. Alec was his patient, still is sort of, and Ragnor also knows all of his habits and everything he went through, just like Magnus. He’s glad that when he was out of his mind Ragnor was there to notice everything that wasn’t right and pointed it out to him.

“He’s fine too,” Magnus answers with a smile that’s always present on his face when he speaks about Alec.

“Dot told me he’s been helping Raphael with the stuff with his sister,” Cat prompts gently to which Magnus nods.

“Yeah, he’s actually meeting them now.”

“Must be nice to have a good lawyer around.”

“You don’t even know how much,” Magnus admits, looking back to all of the times Alec saved not only him with his legal knowledge, but also other people.

“Well, after his first case being a success, I guess he can expect his career to grow,” Ragnor points out and takes a sip of his tea.

“Yeah, and I’m just… I’m so proud of him,” Magnus says yet again. Good thing Alec isn’t here since he’s already sick of Magnus telling him this so much, but what can he do? That’s the truth “that he’s been doing so well, even with everything going on, he didn’t give up.”

“I’ll drink to that,” Cat raises her teas cup, mimicking a gesture as if she was raising a toast. Ragnor and Magnus follow her lead.

They chat a little more, but then Magnus can hear the familiar click of the front door being opened and soon Alec appears in the living room.

“Hey guys,” He greets all of them but comes closer to Magnus to drop a kiss on top of his head.

“Hi, darling,” Magnus smiles immediately “how was it?”

“Okay,” Alec shrugs lightly, but his expression is still soft “we’re figuring it out, everything is fine. What are you guys up to?”

“Oh, nothing special,” Cat waves her hand dismissively “just chatting, drinking tea…”

“Plus Magnus telling us how proud of you he is,” Ragnor adds, probably aware of Alec’s reaction.

“Again,” Alec basically groans with his head thrown back.

“Not my fault I have such an amazing boyfriend,” Magnus states innocently. Alec only shakes his head at him amusingly.

“Alright, then your amazing boyfriend isn’t going to disturb you anymore,” Alec decides with a hint of a laugh.

“You’re not disturbing, you can stay,” Cat says with a smile before Magnus can voice the same thought.

“Thanks, but I’m actually kind of tired, I think I’m going to lay down,” Alec retorts, still offering her a warm smile.

“But everything’s okay?” Magnus inquires gently. Alec has a right to be tired, but… he just wants to make sure.

“Everything’s great, babe,” Alec assures him steadily and tilts his chin up with his finger to place a soft kiss on his lips this time “I’ll be in the bedroom.”

“And we’ll be here listening how proud Magnus is once more,” Ragnor says as Alec begins to back out to the hallway, but not before throwing a glare at the man. It’s lacking any kind of heat anyway. Magnus chuckles as Alec disappears behind the bedroom’s door.

“I like him,” Ragnor states as if it wasn’t obvious “I’ve liked him from the start.”

“Same here,” Cat echoes, her eyes trailing after Alec too “even when you were still smitten and checking him out at the hospital. I knew you’d be good together.”

Magnus can’t help the laugh escaping his lips at this thought. Now, it feels like ages ago, when he saw Alec first at the hospital. Sometimes he still can’t believe that such a coincidence brought so much joy and love into his life. If something went different that day, maybe the wouldn’t have even met… Magnus doesn’t want to think about it, he believes that somehow, they would find their way back to each other.

“Oh yeah, remember him trying to pry private information from me?” Ragnor directs his words at Catarina as if Magnus wasn’t even there. “Those were funny times…”

“It’s not like you helped a lot!” Magnus accuses, but his friend only chuckles.

“Yeah, it was enjoyable to see you sweat it,” He admits with a shrug and it’s Magnus’ turn to glare at him harmlessly.

They continue to recall some good, old memories. The time before Magnus met Alec… he retorts it all felt kind of grey without him. When Alec appeared in his life, he for sure brought some colour, with his beautiful haze eyes, red, blushing cheeks and the light and hope he carries in himself. Magnus decides that he never wants to let go of that.

His friends can laugh, he knows they don’t mean any harm, and it’s true. He’s been gone for Alec since the start, and it’s not like it’s going to end anytime soon, so they better get used to it.

Cat and Ragnor leave around an hour and another cup of tea later. Magnus resolves can even be persuaded to this drink. After his friends’ departure, he cleans everything up and quietly heads to the bedroom, careful not to wake Alec up in case he’s already asleep.

His efforts turn out to be useless since when he enters the room, the door already creaks loudly and he curses under his breath, but what answers him is Alec’s delightful chuckle.

“I’m not asleep, don’t worry,” He says softly. He’s laying down on the bed, undercovers with his eyes closed, but he cracks one eye open then to send Magnus an amused look “come here,” He mutters next.

Magnus doesn’t waste more time, climbing into the bed behind his boyfriend and snuggling closer to him, throwing an arm around his middle. Alec settles more comfortably in his embrace and lets out a pleased hum.

“Were we talking too loud?” Magnus asks then, afraid that maybe Alec did want to get some rest, but just wasn’t able to, but his boyfriend immediately shakes his head.

“No,” He answers gently “maybe I just missed you here, with me.”

Magnus can’t help but snort.

“Darling, after a hard day of work you can fall asleep like a rock on the couch with the tv on, I don’t think it requires my presence,” He states, only half-jokingly, it has happened before and even when Magnus carried him to the bed, he still didn’t wake up.

“And here I was trying to be romantic,” Alec sighs with a dramatic note, but then chuckles “I’m just restless, I guess.” He retorts after a moment of silence.

Magnus hums lightly but hugs him a bit tighter. He doesn’t want to ask if everything’s okay again, he knows Alec would tell him if something was wrong, but he can’t deny that he’s quite worried.

After another moment of silence, Magnus thinks that Alec might have fallen asleep already, but then he speaks again.

“I need to start looking for some job,” He announces with another exhale.

“Are you worried about that?” Magnus prompts gently, his palm slides underneath Alec’s shirt to rest over his bare skin, offering the comforting touch.

“Not much, I’m just… kind of scared of the unknown, I guess.” Alec confesses then.

“You’re an amazing lawyer, darling,” Magnus reminds him. Every law firm would die to have someone like him on board with them.

“I know that,” Alec admits “I’m not scared I won’t be able to find a job. Just that I’ll have to get used to a new place and stuff. I know it’s stupid.”

“It’s not stupid,” Magnus assures him instantly. He knows that Alec’s anxiety acts up sometimes, especially in situations like this, when he’ll have to get used to a totally new lifestyle. It’s actually a very valid worry “it’s normal that it all may seem scary to you, but you’re going to handle this, love. I’m always here to help, you know that, right?”

“Yeah, of course,” There’s an evident smile in Alec’s voice now “thank you.”

Magnus only kisses his neck in answer, burring his face into the soft skin there and soon letting sleep overcome him. They can worry about the rest tomorrow.

There are only a few days left before Alec’s graduation ceremony and Magnus will be damned if he doesn’t prepare something special for his boyfriend.

He knows how difficult law school has been for Alec. Not only meaning the studying process but everything that came crashing down on his during that time. It’s wasn’t easy, but here he is, at the end of that road now.

And since Magnus has already presented how amazing of a party planner he is when it came to Alec’s birthday, it would be a sin not to use these skills again and throw him a graduation party.

His usual go-to for advice person in this sort of stuff would be Izzy, but he knows she’s busy with her finals now, so he chooses to share the idea with someone else.

But the whole way to Maryse’s apartment, he just can’t stop thinking. Not only about the party, but about everything.

Last night conversations with Ragnor and Cat made him feel rather nostalgic. Just going back to the start, looking back at everything he and Alec have been through. Some chapter is truly closing for them. All they can hope is that the worst is behind now.

But even in those bad moments, there was always one thing Magnus could be sure of. Which is Alec.

He always stayed, even when Magnus felt that he didn’t deserve him to. It all proves him how strong what they have really is, different from anything he’s ever felt. He’s never been that much in love, his heart could literally burst with only thoughts of how caring and loving Alec has been to him, how understanding and ready to help he always is. In some other life, he really must have been an angel.

The future is always uncertain. There’s nothing he can do about it, but if he can be sure about one thing, it still is Alec.

The fact that he gets to keep him by his side no matter what truly warms his heart. He’s not afraid of Alec ever leaving him. Even after how awful he had been, he stayed too. Magnus is never going to make that mistake again with him, to test his limits in such way.

Before he knows it, he arrives at Maryse’s apartment. Knocking on the door gently, after a moment he’s met with the woman’s smiling face.

“Magnus, what a lovely surprise!” She exclaims and pulls him into a hug in greeting. Magnus easily returns the embrace. “What brings you here?” She asks while she’s leading him to the living room.

“I have a matter regarding our dear Alexander,” Magnus admits as they settle on the couch “nothing is wrong,” He assures her quickly, seeing how her expression turns fully alarmed “I just thought that with his graduation ceremony approaching quickly… Well, I thought we should celebrate that, so what would you say for a little party?”

“I think it’s a lovely idea,” Maryse brightens up.

“I’m glad to hear that,” Magnus mirrors her smile “just something small and intimate, for everyone to gather up together.”

Maryse nods along with his words, listening deeply as he explains his ideas. Basically, something resembling Alec’s birthday party, but with even less flush, not for it to be overwhelming.

“So, do you need some help?” She asks when he’s done.

“Yeah, that would actually be great,” he's glad that she offered it already “I’d usually set this up with Isabelle, but I know she’s busy now… But if you are too, then that’s fine-“

“Magnus,” Maryse stops his rumbling and rests her palm on his forearm gently “I’ll be happy to help, really. God knows Alec deserves this, I know he’d love to spend some time with his family on this important day.”

Magnus agrees with a smile and a nod. They both know how important family is to Alec.

“So,” Maryse claps her palms together “let me make some coffee and then we can set everything up.”

After another few minutes, they settle back with their phones and cups of coffee, calling all of the places to get some decorations and food and everything that will be needed. Thankfully, Magnus’ dear friend Maia lets them hold their little gathering at The Hunters Moon, so the location is off the list.

With all of Magnus’ contacts, it doesn’t take long to settle everything. Maybe he didn’t even need Maryse’s help, but it’s nice to have her near. He’s still not fond of being alone after everything, scared of what devious idea strike him then.

Magnus stretches on the couch after ending the last call and crossing everything on the list, Maryse following his gesture and they both chuckle lightly.

“Magnus,” Maryse starts then and Magnus is quite surprised by how serious, but also a bit hesitant her voice sounds. He turns to her and allows her to continue “I just wanted to let you know…” She reaches for his hand again, squeezing his fingers between hers “I know you may not have nice experiences with your family, at least from what I know and what Alec told me. And I’m aware that me, or anyone really, will never be able to replace your mom. But I just hope that you know, that we, all of us I mean, consider you our family.”

Magnus sends her a bit of a sad smile.

He remembers his harsh words during his fight with Alec, how he’s not sure if the Lightwoods could be his family. He'd been stupid to think that, those people showered him with more love and care than his real father ever did.

He feels the need to apologize to Maryse for that, but she probably doesn’t know what he said. Alec wouldn’t bother telling her, knowing that it would hurt too much. In the end, Magnus didn’t really think that he was just desperately looking for a way to cut himself off of everything that might have kept him here.

“We love you and care for you,” Maryse carries on, her eyes glassy “no matter what. We all make mistakes and learn from them. I guess what I’m trying to say is that… someone who tried to use you, even if they are your blood, it’s not family. Family is not only blood, it’s the people who care about you and are there for you.”

Magnus can’t help his eyes becoming wet too. She’s right. He'd been stupid to think that he and his father share some extraordinary bond because they’re the same blood. Families can be made and by choosing Alec, he chose his new family too. But not only in a way when you just have to be civil with your significant other’s family. The Lightwoods really are his family because, just as Maryse said, they love and care for him.

“I don’t know what I’d do without your son,” Magnus blurts out, his voice thick with the tears, few of them already visible on his cheeks “I mean, if not him… He’s given me so much more than I could ever ask for. Not only his love but the family that you guys are. That we are,” He corrects himself before Maryse manages to do it “I’ve never had a family like this.” He admits.

It was always him and his mom. Which was enough, but he can’t deny that it’s nice to be able to have these big family dinners, people to celebrate with, just to talk to when Alec is busy.

“Well, you better get used to it,” Maryse says, a bit teasingly but her words are still genuine “because you’re not getting rid of us.”

They both chuckle, but Magnus finds himself believing her words. He also finds that he doesn’t mind in the slightest.

The day before Alec’s graduation ceremony, Magnus gets an idea.

Alec’s out settling some last stuff in the university. Magnus joked that he’s there to practice walking on stage tomorrow without tripping. Alec of course laughed, but Magnus still just can’t shake the feeling of pure pride he feels for him. Tomorrow Alec will walk on that stage and accept the honours that are much more than deserved. Magnus knows he wasn’t doing it for the applause, but he still thinks it’s nice that he’s going to get appreciated for something he had been working on for so long.

So with Alec out, Magnus has some time to prepare his surprise. Alec insisted on no graduation presents since he doesn’t think it’s any special occasion and Magnus reluctantly agreed. So he’s not buying him anything, all he wants is a quiet night with his boyfriend.

But who says it can’t be special.

When Alec finally arrives home, he greets Magnus with a confused look when he sees him standing in the living room, clearly awaiting him.

“What’s going on?” Alec eyes the apartment cautiously as if something was about to appear out of nowhere.

Magnus shrugs and takes the few remaining steps between him and Alec, leaning up to touch his lips to his suspiciously askew ones.

“I hope you’re not too tired because I’m taking you out tonight,” He announces as his arms wrap around his still bewildered boyfriend.

“Like a date?”

When he says it now, Magnus realises that he can’t recall the last time they’ve been on one. He’s truly been neglecting his boyfriend, but not anymore. Today is yet another page in their new chapter.

“Yeah, something like that,” Magnus admits, already tugging at his hand and leading him out of the apartment. Alec keeps stealing confused glances at him but doesn’t choose to comment. Only when they get to the car and have been driving for around fifteen minutes, his patience starts to vanish.

“Okay, where are we going?” He asks, but Magnus can tell that there is a hint of excitement in his voice now. “We’ve missed the turns to The Hunter’s Moon, Rizzo’s and even Pandemonium” Alec points out, but Magnus just shrugs, letting a small smirk climb onto his lips.

“It’s a surprise, love,” He just states nonchalantly “you’ll see soon.”

Alec groans, but there may be only a little bit of annoyance there. Magnus is well-aware that Alec always enjoys his surprises. He doesn’t doubt that it will be the case this time.

When they leave behind the crowded streets of the city, daring to drive a bit abroad, Magnus glances at Alec, who’s curiously staring out of the window, as if trying to decipher where they are headed.

Soon, Magnus stops the car on a steep hill overlooking the city. Alec’s confusion doesn’t clear in any bit, but Magnus just rounds the car and opens his door, offering Alec his hand to pull him out.

“Where are we?” Alec questions as he twirls around. It may not be the fanciest place, a plain hill, but the view here is astonishing, which Alec seems to notice in the next second.

He comes closer to the edge, watching the city lights, the river and the bridges that they’re surrounded with. The sun hasn’t set yet, but it’s close to it, so the sky is painted with beautiful pink and orange. Magnus comes to a stop next to him, wrapping an arm around his boyfriend, not able to cover up his smile anymore.

“It’s beautiful,” Alec states and Magnus nods along.

“But, that’s not everything I have planned,” Magnus confesses and Alec turns to him, arching his eyebrow.

A bit unwillingly, Magnus steps away from Alec and gets back to the car, opening the trunk and pulling out a picnic basket that he filled with all sort of treats. When Alec seems to grasp what’s going on, an understanding finally overshadowing his face, he smiles softly.

“I thought we could have a nice dinner and enjoy a beautiful view,” Magnus states and Alec seems to melt even more. He pulls out his hand, a clear gesture of ‘come here’ and as Magnus joins him again, Alec laces their fingers together and brings him closer, planting a sweet kiss to his lips.

“Thank you, this is amazing,” He says when they part, his eyes on the horizon again.

This is indeed amazing, Magnus thinks when he’s watching the man in front of him.

After finishing the dinner the sun has already come down, but the city lights in front of them are enough of a light source. The stars are still visible up in the sky, so they end up laying down on the hood of the car and staring at the night sky. Magnus tries to recall the constellations Alec taught him back in Venice, but yet again, it’s his boyfriend who points them out mostly. Magnus can’t help but be amazed at this thought, that although they are thousands of miles away from Italy, they’re still laying under the same sky. If he closes his eyes, he can pretend that he and Alec are on the Venetian gondola yet again.

When he eventually opens them, he sees that Alec is looking right at him. He used to shy away from such an intense look some time ago, but not anymore.

“Thank you for this, today,” Alec says with his eyes on his.

“It was my pleasure, Alexander,” Magnus leans in to kiss him softly. When he pulls back Alec is smiling with his eyes closed. “Are you nervous before tomorrow?” He prompts then, his thumb sweeping delicately along Alec’s cheek.

“No. Not much at least,” Alec shakes his head lightly “the hardest part is done. All I have to do now is just get up on that stage and receive my diploma. That’s it.”

Magnus hums in agreement.

“I’ll be cheering the loudest,” He promises and Alec chuckles “I will, I swear!”

“I know, I don’t doubt it,” Alec admits laughingly.

“So what’s next for you, Mr Lawyer?” Magnus asks next, his fingers tracing the line of Alec’s jaw now sliding down to the pulse point on his neck.

Alec lets out a bit of uneven exhale, then bites his lip, a signal that Magnus recognizes as him being hesitant to share something, so he offers him an encouraging smile.

“Can I tell you something?” He asks if he didn’t know the answer already. Magnus almost snorts. “Even if it’s stupid?”

Magnus wants to say that nothing he says is stupid but limits himself to just a nod, anxious to know what Alec's about to say.

His boyfriend seems to think his words through one more time. He lets out a long breath again and sits up, his eyes hovering over the city again. Magnus mirrors his position, waiting patiently for him to start.

“I’ve been looking through some job offers,” Alec admits, his eyes still on the horizon before them “and I just… I may be picky, but there’s always something that bothers me, something that doesn’t fit.” His tone is a bit frustrated now. “But I think I’ve realised why I just can’t seem to choose.”

“Why?” Magnus asks gently, resting one of his hands on Alec’s knee comfortingly.

Alec turns to him and lets out a chuckle.

“Because I’ve finally decided what I want to do,” Alec confesses and Magnus frowns, not quite following. Alec wants to be a lawyer, more than anything “I mean…” He tries to elaborate, but can’t find his way with words. After a brief pause he picks back up, deciding to let it all out “after we finished the case, I spoke with mom. She said that she’s going to miss us all working together and I think that’s when it hit me, that we’re actually done and just… our team is going to fall apart. I realised I don’t want that. And then mom joked about starting our own law firm and I…”

He wouldn’t even have to finish since it clicks for Magnus now. Of course, Alec has big ambitions, he should have known that.

“That’s something I want,” Alec continues after a while, some new desperate note in his tone “I want to work on my own rules, with people who I know and trust. I want to take pro bono cases, help those who need it the most but are afraid to ask for any kind of help. They deserve justice too, someone who will fight for them. I want to be that someone, Magnus. To show them that they have a chance too.”

Magnus gets what he means. The big law firms often tend to forget about their clients’ best interest, only having eyes for money, Alec told him that himself. If he and Maryse started this kind of company, this could be some sort of revolution and it would definitely grand help and hope to the ones who need it most.

Magnus squeezes Alec’s knee gently, gaining his attention again. Alec looks at him as if he’s a bit embarrassed about having such wide dreams and Magnus isn’t going to take it.

“Darling,” He says, trying to find the right words “it’s such a wonderful idea, I… have you spoken to your mom about this?”

Alec shakes his head.

“She was just joking, Magnus,” He retorts, a bit sadly “there’s no way this could work.”

“Why?”

“I just…” Alec sighs again “I don’t have experience, money… it’s not so easy to just start your own company.”

“But it’s not impossible,” Magnus points out. Alec looks apprehensive but eventually nods.

“Well, yeah… but-“

“Alexander,” Magnus interrupts him, taking the hold of his hands now “remember when you took Josh’s case on?” Alec nods frowning a little. “At the beginning, you said the chances are low, that you don’t have enough evidence. And then through this whole process, the other side tried to bring you down. But did you give up?”

“No,” Alec answers shortly.

“Exactly,” Magnus keeps going “even when it seemed impossible, you didn’t give up. You fought. You have so much will to fight, angel. If anyone could start their own company, it’s you. Adding your mom to it… you’re a dream team. Persistent, adamant… you always reach your goals. If it’s another one of them, then I have no doubts you’ll get there too. And you will have my endless support throughout the whole way.”

Alec blinks as if a bit astonished, but after a moment, his lips begin to quirk in a soft, unsure smile.

“You really think that?” He questions uncertainly.

“Of course I do,” Magnus answers with no hesitation. He’s not giving Alec false hope, by no means. He believes in him, he knows he can do this.

“Maybe I should bring this up with mom…” Alec trials of thoughtfully.

“Not maybe,” Magnus insists “but you should.” He smiles and Alec mirrors the gesture.

“Thank you, I think I needed a pep talk,” His boyfriend says after a moment, bringing their joint hands to his lips and kissing the back of Magnus’ palm gently. 

“Always at your service,” Magnus winks at him and gets to admire Alec’s wonderful blush yet again.

His boyfriend seems to get lost in his thoughts again when he looks at the city on the horizon again.

“Have you ever just thought about how much has happened in such a short period?” He asks suddenly, out of the blue.

But Magnus has an answer. As if reading his mind, Alec asks a question that Magnus has been rolling over in his mind for quite a while now.

“Yeah, I have,” He admits softly.

“I was miserable when I started law school,” Alec recalls.

“And look at you now,” Magnus laughs lightly, Alec quickly joining in.

“It feels like ages ago…” He states in such a dreamy voice but for Magnus, it feels the same. Sometimes he feels as if he’s aged ten times more than he should along the last two years. “I might have made some stupid choices, but I will never regret getting into this car with you,” Alec says then, his eyes a bit glassy, the city lights reflecting in them.

“As I’ll never regret offering you the ride,” Magnus says and bumps their shoulders together.

“It’s crazy, how something that seemed like such a little thing back then changed our lives,” Alec retorts then. “I mean, here I am, with a stranger who offered me a ride almost two years ago and I’m thinking about the future we have together. The future I want to have with you. I just… I want everything, I want way too much but…”

Magnus has been thinking too. About everything that they can and will have together. About every important step they will take together. Because he never, ever wants someone other than Alec. Their love is everything, has been basically since they’ve confessed it to each other. It’s been lifting them up when they were down, cheering them up, making them come back to each other.

“And all of the support you’ve given me,” Magnus realises he kind of switched off, lost in his own thoughts while Alec was still talking “I’ve never thought I’d get to have something like this.”

Magnus didn’t so think too.

“Something so pure and just full of love,” Alec speaks, as if in awe for all of these feelings “I wan to keep it forever, keep you forever.”

And Magnus wants too.

He’s not sure what magical force pushes him to say the next words, but before he knows it, they’re out of his mouth.

“Marry me.”

Alec freezes mid-sentence with his mouth open as he’d still want to say something more, but no words come out. He looks at Magnus, wide-eyed and Magnus is sure he mirrors the expression because he’s not sure what just happened but hell, he’s not going to just take it back, not when he really means it.

“I mean it,” Magnus confesses. Alec still looks as if he saw a ghost and Magnus barely resists a chuckle. He looks cute when he’s confused. He shrugs. “I love you,” He’ll never get tired of saying these words. “I know we decided to wait. I know you wanted to graduate first, but you’re graduating tomorrow so… I want to be with you. For better and for worse, no matter what. I’ll never want anyone else,” He decides to let it all out, it’s still far away from the proposal Alec deserves, but here they are “as long as I have you by my side, I feel whole, complete. And isn’t that what love does? Completes the souls of different people? Alexander,” He takes the hold of both of his hands now, squeezing them, not sure if he wants to give himself the courage or just snap Alec out of his daze “you are the love of my life. I want nothing more than to marry you and spend the rest of my life with you. Fuck, I don’t even have a ring,” Magnus chuckles, only now it hits him how ridiculous this is “but I’ll buy you a ring, I promise. Hell, I’ll buy you a thousand rings if you want! But now I just have this question,” He exhales, as if bracing himself, realising how much weight these words actually have “Alexander Gideon Lightwood, will you marry me?”

Alec’s mouth still doesn’t seem to work and for a moment, only for a tiny moment, Magnus dreads the answers and curses himself for how stupid he is. They talked briefly about marriage and decided to wait till they’re more settled, and now he’s just blurted it out, without even offering him a ring.

It must have been only a second, but so many thoughts race through Magnus’ mind during that time. But then Alec squeezes his palms. His eyes are full of tears, then he smiles, that soft smile that Magnus remembers seeing after he kissed him for the first time.

“Only if you marry me too,” Alec answers and Magnus lets out a relieved exhale before launching himself at his fiancé.

He kisses him with all the force he possesses, feeling it being returned as Alec brings him even closer with his hands at the nape of his neck. They drink each other up, none of them quite able to take in what has just happened, but one thing is sure. The air around them is so full of love and happiness that if someone tried to turn it into electricity, they would be able to power the whole city below them.

When they pull back, both breathless, Magnus cups Alec’s face between his palms, taking in the look in his fiancé’s eyes, the tears of joy on his cheeks. Only when Alec wipes his from his own face, Magnus realises that he’s crying too. Then he laughs and Alec laughs too and it’s ridiculous and messy.

It’s perfect.

“I’ll give you a ring, I promise,” Magnus manages to clog out with wet voice, but Alec only shakes his head.

“I don’t care about it,” He rests their foreheads together, a disbelieving expression still on his face “God, this happened for real, right?”

“Yes, fiancé,” Magnus already loves the taste of this word on his tongue.

Alec bites his lip, trying to contain his smile and failing miserably.

“I love you,” He says lacking any better comments, but the simplicity of these words sums it all up perfectly. Alec shrugs a little as if still incredulous, but then Magnus grasps that yes, it is that simple.

“I love you too,” Magnus answers, his lips already back on Alec’s, tasting his smile and the joyous tears.

They love each other. And sometimes, love can be enough.

Right now, it is.

Later that night, they’re already laying in bed, basking into each other’s warmth and the still present afterglow of today’s evenings. Magnus’ arm rests around Alec’s shoulders as he’s settled comfortably on his chest, playing with their fingers, lacing and unlacing them. The easy, soft smiles still haven’t left their faces, probably won’t for a long time.

“Do you want to have like this big-ass wedding, where we just invite everyone we know to boast on how amazing of a couple we are?” Magnus asks him teasingly, with his face buried in his hair. Alec laughs softly, but when he answers, his tone is kind of dreamy too.

“I don’t really care. I can marry you anywhere, even without anyone around,” He admits and Magnus hides his grin in his hair “but on a second note, Isabelle would kill me if I didn’t tell her about the wedding, so I do think we need to have some guests,” Alec retorts then and both of them burst out laughing. When the sound dies down a little, Magnus speaks again.

“Do you want to tell everyone?”

“About the engagement?” Alec inquires lightly, Magnus nods and then he shifts in his arms to face him. “Yeah, I think I do.”

“We can wait till I’ll get you a ring,” Magnus suggests.

“You know I don’t care about a ring,” Alec reminds him again, but he’s still smiling.

“Actually, tomorrow may be a good time to tell everyone since me and your mom are throwing you a graduation party,” Magnus informs him. He was supposed to tell him back on their date, but things took kind of a different turn than any of them expected.

“What?” Alec raises on his elbows a bit to look him more in the face. “Babe, we said no gifts.”

“It’s not a gift,” Magnus shrugs “I just thought you’d like to celebrate this day with our family. It’s nothing big, basically just a dinner,” He states as Alec lays back down with an exhale “but actually, it’s a great occasion to tell them. Everyone will be there, we won’t have to repeat ourselves. I’m basically a genius, I planned it without planning it.” Magnus realises and Alec laughs yet again. He takes it as an agreement.

There’s a moment of silence between them next, but it’s peaceful, like both of them are still trying to process everything that happened today.

“So you really didn’t plan it?” Alec asks then, his eyes settled on their joined hands where he’s rested them above Magnus’ heart.

Magnus shakes his head, but the can’t help to let out an offended huff.

“Darling, if I was planning, there for sure would be a ring, much more romantic set-up, maybe a band playing somewhere in the background-“

“Shut up,” Alec chuckles and swats him playfully on the chest, sinking into him even more as he snuggles closer.

“I just mean, that it was far away from a grand proposal you deserve,” Magnus states then, a bit embarrassed “I kind of just blurted it out, when you were saying all of this stuff about our future together.”

Alec hums thoughtfully and then looks up at him again.

“Were you scared I would say no?”

Magnus is way past lying to him.

“For a tiny second,” He admits “we decided to wait,” He recalls, at least that’s what he took from their brief conversations about marriage “so yeah, I was scared you may think it’s too early-“

“It was perfect,” Alec cuts in, his eyes shining. Then he shrugs lightly “I don’t need any grand gestures. You asking me this question… there’s something so simple about it that I just love. You are enough, you have always been. I really don’t need, or want, anything more.”

Magnus studies him for a moment, taking in these beautiful, hazel eyes so full of love, this soft smile that he barely resists the urge to kiss. The face of the man he loves and that he’s going to keep forever.

“You are all I need too, angel.” He says and kisses his forehead gently, feeling Alec’s arm wrapping around his middle and keeping him closer.

If he gets to fall asleep with Alec beside him every day, then he’s truly won.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I want to know all of your thoughts so comment down below! 😊  
Did you expect things to go that way? Did you like the unplanned proposal? What's gonna happen in the next (which is the last) chapter? I'll see you next week with, this time, all of the answers!  
And let me tell you, there will be a lot of reading next week since the epilogue turned out way longer than I intended to... Hope you'll forgive me! 😉


	33. The Start

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec's graduation ceremony + some family time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright...  
Last updates today and I gotta say, I feel kind of emotional. Some of you probably know how personal this story has been to me, it was hard sharing some chapters, but you guys were always so understanding and loving about it... It really warms my heart. 
> 
> Thank you to everyone who read, who decided to go with me on this crazy journey, I truly appreciate the support you've shown for this story. Your comments were always so lovely and I am so glad you enjoyed this fic. I hope that maybe you've found a piece of yourself here, could relate to the characters or events, and that it made you feel understood. 
> 
> Okay, before I got and cry 😂 basically what the summary says, it's time for celebrations and fluff. Malec deserve it after everything they've been through. 
> 
> I'll be posting the epilogue right after this chapter so make sure to check it out to see how malec's life changes in the future... 
> 
> Sorry for the little rant and enjoy the read!

Alec wakes up with the sun pleasantly warming his body from where it peaks through the blinds. He stretches out in bed and everything would be perfect if not the lack of Magnus by his side.

His side of the bed is not warm anymore, so it must have been a while since he got up. For one dreadful second, Alec gets scared that yesterday was just a dream from some alternate universe and now he’s waking up in the real world. 

But then he sees his boyfriend at the doorway to their bedroom, carefully opening the door and balancing a tray full of food on his arm.

_Fiancé_.

Alec corrects himself in his mind quickly, then easily mirroring Magnus’ smile as he sits on the edge of the bed and sets the tray between them. Then he leans in to peck him on the lips. Alec’s still not fully awake, but the taste of Magnus’ lips is definitely real, and so is everything.

Still, sometimes it’s hard to believe that it’s his life.

“What are the plans for today, Mr Lawyer?” Magnus asks as he pulls back and smiles at him.

“I think I prefer the other title,” Alec says sleepily, resisting a yawn. Now Magnus grins at him, not restraining himself anymore and placing yet another sweet kiss to his lips.

“Alright then,” He retorts “what are the plans for today, fiancé?” He purposefully emphasises the last word and Alec isn’t containing his smile now too. There’s no need to hide, there never was with Magnus.

“What time is it?” Alec questions, trying to chase the sleep away as he rubs at his eyes.

“It’s still pretty early,” Magnus answers him “there’s a lot of time before the ceremony.”

“Then why are you dressed?” Alec’s sight hoovers over his fiancé’s appearance. Magnus is wearing casual clothes, but still, it’s not his nightwear and Alec frowns slightly.

“I had to go to the farmer’s market to get ingredients for our breakfast,” Magnus replies cheerfully.

“Thank you, that’s very sweet,” Alec says and kisses him again briefly, still being able to taste his smile.

“You’re very much welcome, my love,” Magnus states then “today is all about ravishing you.”

Alec groans, but there’s only a hint of annoyance there.

“Babe, it’s a day like any other,” He still tries to reason with his fiancé.

“Well, not every day my amazing fiancé graduates and walks on stage to receive a diploma for his special achievements,” Magnus explains as if he was offended of Alec simplifying today to any other day. Alec can’t help but laugh.

When he realises that this is something he gets to wake up to every day, that he is graced with Magnus’ smile and his witty comebacks that make him burst out laughing basically every morning, something warm blooms inside his chest.

He barely stops himself from asking if yesterday really happened, but way too much proves that it all was indeed true. And Magnus would probably only make yet another comment about how much more palpable this whole thing would be if he had a ring.

But he’s not worried about the lack of it. Magnus’ promise is way more than enough.

“Well, the plan is to eat this delicious breakfast my fiancé made me,” Alec mirrors Magnus’ grin as now he’s the one to emphasize the word “then getting ready, finally graduating and celebrating with our family.” He states.

“I can get behind that,” Magnus agrees “will you manage to find a moment alone with your fiancé after the breakfast?” He asks with a teasing note.

“Why wait for after breakfast?” Alec answers with a question in an equally playful tone.

Soon he finds himself pinned to the bed, with Magnus straddling his lap and kissing him breathless.

The coffee is long cold when they finally decided to dive into the breakfast.

When they stop at the university driveway, Magnus turns to Alec with some sort of a panicked look in his eyes.

“Oh my God,” He starts and there’s something mournful in his tone “is this the last time I’m giving you a ride here?”

Alec wants to burst out laughing, but when it actually hits him… It’s stupid, nostalgic, but he and Magnus had countless talks here, on this driveway, kissed for the first time in the spot that Alec sees when he looks out of the window… It was such a routine, just to be here, show up almost every day, kiss Magnus goodbye in the car and end up making out, resolving in Magnus being late for work and Alec for classes, where he received a sharp, but teasing glare from Lydia.

So maybe it’s not so stupid in the end.

Instead of laughing, Alec squeezes Magnus’ palm that’s resting on the stick shift and nods sadly. Magnus lets out a long exhale, like he’s been awaiting this answer, but still not wanting it to actually be the truth.

“I’ll miss this place,” He says and Alec hears that he’s surprised at the nostalgic tone of his voice. Alec leans in, cupping Magnus’ face and kissing him like they’ve done thousands of times, but the thrill is still the same.

And Alec feels that it’s not the last time he’s visiting this place. Columbia will hold many memories for him, both good and bad, but in the end, he’ll go back to the nicer ones. Maybe one day Magnus won’t only be driving him here, but maybe there will be more passengers in the back seat… Alec shakes his head, it’s such an afar future, none of them can predict that yet.

Magnus doesn’t let him pull back from the kiss, already diving in only after getting to breathe again. Alec chuckles against his lips and manages to speak.

“Don’t make me late on my last day.”

“Like I’d care,” Magnus snorts and shuts him up with yet another kiss.

And again, time passes by but Alec feels as if it stopped, the moment Magnus connected their lips. With some shreds of his self-control, he eventually manages to separate them, already missing the taste of his lips, but business first, pleasure later, he reminds himself.

“Let’s go,” He whispers against Magnus’ mouth, but this time doesn’t let him drag him back into the kiss, quickly opening the door and hopping out of the car, only hearing Magnus’ annoyed huff in answer. Soon his fiancé rounds the car to join him and slots their fingers together. With one last shared nod and a deep exhale, they move.

“Alec!” Soon they hear a voice calling him out and when Alec turns, he’s met with his sister excitedly catching up to him. She sweeps him up in a hug when she reaches him and when she pulls back, her eyes are raking over him, as if assessing. Eventually, she gives an approving nod “you look great.”

Alec smiles at her, instinctively smoothing the front of his suit jacket. He didn’t really think about an outfit, but of course, Magnus thought of everything and when he came out of the shower this morning, the black suit was already laid out on the bed awaiting him. He paired it with a white shirt and a simple dark green tie that Magnus said will bring out his eyes.

“You look amazing too, Iz,” Alec compliments her. Isabelle as always did not idle, she’s wearing a burgundy, at knee dress that shows of her shoulders. Her cleavage is subtly covered with a flounce. And there are also her famous high heels.

“Obviously,” Izzy rolls his eyes at him fondly “you’re dashing as always, Magnus,” She directs the words and Magnus gives her an appreciative nod.

“Thank you, my dear,” He says as he comes up to hug her. Magnus decided on quite a simple look. Black pants and a purple shit with some golden pattern, unbutton at his neck. But it all collides beautifully with the golden eyeliner he sparkled his eyes with and the many rings and necklaces he added.

“Hey guys,” Simon greets them as he catches up with Jace and Clary in tow.

“Mom and Luke should be here soon,” Jace announces and then they all decide to set on their way to the auditorium where the ceremony will be held.

Soon it’s time for Alec to disconnect from their little team as he goes to sit in the front rows with the rest of the students.

“Remember what I told you yesterday?” Magnus asks him as he’s still holding his hand.

“You were saying a lot of things…” Alec trails off jokingly and they chuckle.

Then Magnus offers him a smile, yet another one that embodies the pride he holds for him and kisses him.

“I’ll be cheering the loudest,” He says against his lips and it does sound like another promise. Alec nods, looking forward to that moment “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Alec replies and after one last quick peck, he goes to join the rest of the students at his place. Jace claps him on the shoulder on their way to find their seats and Simon offers his thumbs up and today, Alec just has to smile at his sister’s boyfriend.

“I’m so glad I won’t have to witness you making out on that driveway anymore,” Lydia states exasperatedly from his side, but her tone is lacking any heat. Her expression also betrays her, since when Alec turns to her, they share a smile.

“You’re just jealous,” He teases.

“Believe it or not, but I have no reasons to be,” She says and her voice sounds as surprised as her expression appears to be. Then Alec follows her line of sight and sees a man waving at her from the other end of the room. He’s a brunette with green, shining eyes. It’s enough for him to connect the dots, but Lydia’s blush when she notices that he’s looking only makes him one hundred per cent sure.

He leans back in his seat satisfied.

“But what about you?” Lydia asks when she finally manages to turn her attention away from John.

“What about me?” Alec frowns.

“You’re practically glowing,” His friend retorts and Alec laughs “I’m serious, you’re like overflowing with happiness, did something happen?”

He debates on telling her, but at the same time, it’ll be fun to mess with her for a bit longer.

“We’re graduating, Lydia,” He reminds her “the nightmare is finally over.”

“Correction, we’re graduating with special honours,” She insists, as she always does since they’ve found out about this “and don’t say it’s such a nightmare, deep down you love it. Law, I mean.”

Well, Alec can’t argue with that.

“Listen, we’re having some sort of a party at The Hunter’s Moon after the ceremony here,” He tells his friend “you’re of course welcomed to join,” As if seeing her hesitation he adds with a smirk “bring John, I’ll gladly meet him.”

Lydia smacks him on the shoulder, but she’s still smiling.

“Sure, Magnus has already invited me,” she answers eventually “but we’ll probably come a bit later. He wants to take me out for dinner first.”

“Great,” Alec states, but this time when he smiles at his friend, it’s genuine, not teasing. He bumps their shoulders together as Lydia returns the smile. Both of the sort of communicating silently and sharing their happiness.

Then a voice sounds from the stage and the whole thing begins. Alec takes one more look at the room around him. Yeah, it’s time to close this chapter.

But when one door closes, the other opens.

When Alec and Lydia come off the stage, the emotions are still buzzing. Alec clutches the diploma in his hand, looking at it once more, finding it truly hard to believe that he’s made it. The ceremony is shortly over after their appearance and all the people start to leave the hall soon.

Magnus wasn’t lying. Alec couldn’t help to blush on stage when his fiancé’s cheering was really the loudest sound in the room, along with his siblings and mom. He still feels giddy with emotions, both him and Lydia not able to contain their smiles, because they made it.

Before Alec gets to register what’s going on, he’s being swept up in a pair of strong arms and spun around. But he easily recognizes Magnus’ firm embrace.

“Darling, I am so proud,” Magnus says for a millionth time as he finally puts him on the ground. He cups his face to properly look at him for second and then leans in to kiss him. Alec can still feel his smile against his lips.

“Congratulations, son!” Maryse is the next one to hug him tightly. When they part Alec can see the tears of pride in her eyes.

Everyone takes his time with congratulating him, there’s a lot of hugs, even a few tears, but soon they decide to move the party to where it was supposed to be at first. Alec says his goodbye to Lydia and she promises to catch them later. Then Magnus slots his fingers through Alec’s, keeping him close all the time as they march towards the exit.

That’s when Alec spots a familiar figure in the corner of the room.

“Guys, go to the car, I’ll be there in a minute,” He says and although the rest looks at him confused, they oblige.

“Everything okay?” Magnus asks him, slightly alarmed, but when he follows Alec’s line of sight, he seems to relax and grasp the situation. He smiles and pecks Alec’s on the lips once more. “Take your time.” He adds and then joins the rest in the hallway.

Alec exhales and moves to join Starkweather, as the man appears to be waiting for him. Alec thought that they had a pretty good closure, so he can’t say he isn’t surprised to see him here. However, it’s a good kind of surprise. Starkweather is a person that he’s always pleased to see.

“Hi, Alec,” The man greets as Alec approaches him “I know you must have plans, so I promise not to take a lot of your time.”

“No, it’s fine. It’s actually nice to see you,” Alec states with a smile that the man easily mirrors.

“I just want to congratulate you in person,” Starkweather says then “it’s all really well-deserved.”

“Thank you,” Alec replies gratefully.

“I heard about your case,” Starkweather continues then “congratulations on that too. I’m happy to see you taking the credit for it.”

Alec nods with a smile, but there’s something about his tone that makes him pause slightly and think it through again. Starkweather smirks lightly as if following his train of thought.

“Are you…” Alec begins to question then, carefully “are you the one who told them about this? The college, I mean. About the case.”

Starkweather shrugs, but it’s way too obvious for Alec now. He can read it from his smile, and basically, his whole body language screams that he’s been caught.

“I might have had a chat with the dean here,” He admits then, his tone light, “told him that sweeping this whole thing under the rug, like they tried to do, may not be the best thing and that the amazing students who worked so hard on something so important deserve some credit and reward.”

Alec’s eyes widen a bit, although he was considering it. Since Raj was a student here, Alec suspected that the authorities would want to keep it all quiet after losing the case. But after talking to Maryse, he decided to believe that they could be decent people. Turns out he was wrong, but Starkweather was there to make the justice right.

It’s not that Alec was doing it for the praise. He didn’t even think that he may get something from that at school. It wasn’t on his mind, something much more important was. But it’s kind of nice to see how Starkweather has been following the situation and made sure Alec takes something more for himself from it.

“Thank you,” Alec says, lacking any better words “I mean, you didn’t have to do it-“

“Just take the credit, Alec,” Starkweather’s voice is still kind, but there’s some firmer edge to it “you deserve it. And let me tell you that this special kind of graduators have a lot of offers ahead of them.” His voice turns a bit teasing as if he was implying something. “I’m just saying, that it gives you a lot of options. Basically, every law firm in the city will fight over you and your friend.”

Alec chuckles lightly but nods, knowing that it’s pointless to even try to deny Starkweather’s words, he’s got big experiences when it comes to that.

“I know you turned down my offer,” The man carries on next “but as I told you, my doors will be always open. I do understand if you don’t choose it, so here,” He pulls out an envelope towards Alec “this may help with whatever job you’re going to consider.”

Alec carefully takes the envelope and turns it into his fingers, looking at Starkweather curiously.

“It’s a letter of recommendation,” He explains “so no employer will have any doubts with just how efficient you are with your work.”

Alec looks down on the paper in his hands, kind of stunned. A letter of recommendation from one of the best law firms in the city opens a lot of doors, same as the special honours he’s graduated with, which he might have only realised now.

“I’m not sure what to say except thank you,” Alec admits then. Starkweather has done a lot for him. He hasn’t realised how much. He’s supported him, offered help and even after Alec quitted, he made sure he can have a successful future and easier access to basically any job he wants.

He’s been this kind of a silent ally, always lurking somewhere, making sure that it’s going to be fine. Alec appreciates it, someone looking after him in this kind of career-wise way.

“It was a pleasure to help you,” Starkweather just says, pulling out his hand for Alec to shake “whatever you choose, I look forward to seeing you soon. Even if it’s on the opposite sides of the courtroom.”

They share a laugh, clasping their hands together. But yeah, actually it’s most likely to happen one day. Alec kind of looks forward to this confrontation.

“I won’t keep you any longer,” Starkweather retorts then. He offers him one more, genuine smile. “Good luck, Alec.”

“Thank you,” Alec answers, returning the smile. He feels oddly moved by this whole thing. Mostly because he wasn’t expecting that “for everything.”

Starkweather nods as Alec begins to back out of the room. They share one last smile and then Alec goes to join his family.

But yeah, it’s still a nice feeling to be appreciated. He’ll probably be entirely thankful for everything Starkweather’s done for him. He won’t let him down though, he’s sure of it.

When they arrive at The Hunter’s Moon, the rest of the gang is already there. Cat with Madzie, Ragnor, Dot, Aline, Helen, even Raphael. But what surprises Alec more, is Josh’s and Lily’s presence. It’s good to see them. Josh looks visibly better, brighter than ever. Alec’s still amazed by it, how much of a weight closing this case took off of his shoulders. But he supposes it was the same with him.

Then there’s another wave of congratulations, hugs, all of these joyous emotions pouring out from everybody. Alec’s sure he hasn’t stopped smiling for even a second.

Soon everyone gets settled and they get some dinner, a constant chatter sounds around the table. Alec spots Magnus talking to Izzy. It must be something exciting since his sister basically beams at him. Alec grins himself just as he looks at them.

After eating the food, Maryse raises from her seat and announces that it’s time for a toast. Champagne is brought and Alec watches with some kind of a proud smile as Magnus politely refuses a glass. He squeezes his palm under the table, trying to offer some comfort, but Magnus doesn’t look put down. He simply turns to Alec with a smile of his own.

“To my son,” Maryse starts proudly as her eyes find Alec’s. They share a smile. “We are all so proud of you and we wish you the best for the future. We’re always there for you and we love you, remember that. So, to Alec!”

“To Alec!” The rest echoes and Alec still finds himself blushing at so much attention being turned towards him.

“Thanks guys,” Alec says before they all take a sip from the flute. He feels Magnus pressing a soft kiss to his cheek.

What comes after is a full-on celebration. People take time to talk to each other and catch up. Alec loves these moments when his family gathers up together, loves watching how all of them bonded. Even if some people may be new additions, they always feel welcomed here.

When Magnus is immersed in some talk with Clary, Alec takes his time to approach Josh.

“Hey,” He speaks as he takes an empty seat next to him. The man welcomes him with a smile “you look great.” Alec offers.

“Thanks,” Josh replies gratefully “I feel great,” He admits then. Alec’s smile widens a bit “thanks for inviting me here. It’s always nice to catch up with you and your mom.”

“I’m pretty sure it was Magnus who invited everyone, but you’re very much welcome” Alec retorts cheerily “Lydia should be here soon too.”

“Cool,” Josh nods “and hey, congratulations.”

“Thanks, just don’t say you’re proud of me, because I can barely take more of these words anymore,” Alec laughs and Josh joins along.

“Duly noted,” He states with another chuckle, but then turns a bit more serious “thanks again, for everything. This today, you deserve it more than anyone.”

Alec smiles a more genuine smile. It’s the best feeling, the sense that after all, they took so much good from the case. Putting Raj in prison, just making them feel safe again, Alec landing this honours while graduating… It does feel deserved, he’s not planning on denying that.

“Thanks,” He just says, but Josh’s words really mean a lot to him. They sit in silence for a minute and then Alec spots a flash of blond hair as Lydia enters the restaurant with the same man he saw in the auditorium in tow “we’ll catch up later,” Alec tells Josh and clasps him on the shoulder, receiving a nod as he seems to notice Lydia too.

“Hi,” Alec starts as he approaches them “I’m glad you could make it.”

“Thanks for inviting us,” Lydia states as he hangs her coat. A beautiful smile still adorning her face. She exhales then. “So, Alec, this is John, my boyfriend.” She announces then and the man pulls out his hand to shake. Alec gladly takes it.

“Lydia told me a lot about you,” John speaks while holding his palm in a firm grip “I’m glad to finally meet the man who’s been spending all of the late nights in the library with her.”

“The pleasure is all mine,” Alec chuckles lightly. He debates on saying something more, but then Lydia sends him a glare that seems to be saying ‘no shovel talk’. He barely resists the urge to laugh again. “it’s about time.” He just adds.

“Yeah,” John agrees.

“So,” Alec gestures at back at the table “I’m sure Lydia can introduce you to everyone, have fun.”

Lydia nods, takes John’s hand and leads him towards the others to make the introductions. Izzy immediately lits up to meet her boyfriend, same with Clary and soon they all dive into some talks.

Alec gets back to the table, kind of relieved that he can take a breath for himself since everyone’s been jumping at him the whole evening. Not in a bad way of course, but he still gets kind of overwhelmed at times.

“It can get a bit much sometimes, right?” Alec turns to his right to see Maryse speaking for his side. He nods lightly.

“But it’s the good kind of attention,” He admits then. His mom slides a bit closer to him.

Alec tries to brace himself and muster up some courage. It’s probably a good moment to bring up the law firm to Maryse. After his last night talk with Magnus, he feels like it’s the right thing to do. He has to at least try, Magnus made him realise that. It was nice to finally let it all out and tell him what’s been on his mind for so long. Even if it may be a ridiculous idea, Magnus was right. He’s not a quitter and he’s not going to give up. Not without trying.

But before he gets to say anything, his mom begins.

“Son, I’ve been thinking,” She admits and as Alec looks at her, he can see the same nervousness in her eyes as he felt last night while speaking about this with Magnus.

Is it possible that they are thinking about the same thing?

“I’ve been thinking too,” Alec states, his eyes widening a bit at the thought. Maryse mirrors his expression “but you go first.”

“Okay,” She agrees “so I came to the realisation that I’ve been missing something ever since I quitted Lightwood LP. And what made me realise it, was taking the case and working with you. Working on my own was fun for a bit, but with you, I saw how great it is when you have support and help. I missed it, having a team. So I was thinking, I know I suggested it as a joke one time but-“

“Mom,” Alec interrupts her, barely able to hold in the grin spreading on his lips “I want the exact same thing.”

“Really?” Maryse asks, a bit taken aback.

“Yes,” Alec nods “I want to work with you, to create something of our own. Something good.”

Maryse’s eyes begin to shine with unshed tears. Alec nods once more to convince her that he really means it and with a sound that resembles both a sob and a chuckle, she embraces her son, bringing him into a hug. They say like this for a while.

“It’s going to be great,” Alec assures her as they pull back, his voice tight because of the lump in his throat “you’ll see.”

“I don’t doubt it,” Maryse retorts with a sniffle. She sweeps her thumb across Alec’s cheek affectionately as another tear escapes her eye. “We can plan everything later, today let’s just celebrate.”

It’s going to be good for both of them. Maryse should have always had something for her own, not sharing a company with Robert, who’s always been unfair. Now, they are going to build something better than Lightwood LP, better than anything, because it’s going to be theirs.

It will take time, probably lots of it, but Alec’s ready for it. It’s been one of his dreams as long as he can remember. When his father made it clear that he won’t ever find a place at his company, there’s always been this little thought at the back of Alec’s head how much he’d like to show him that he’s better than his stupid law firm. That he can have something better in his life, that he won’t become this bitter.

Today, he’s doing that. But with relief, he realises, that he didn’t do any of this for his father, for wanting to fulfil some of his expectation. He’s been doing it for himself, as he should from the start. And he will continue to do so.

“Can I steal him for a moment?” Alec gets pulled out from his thoughts as he hears Magnus’ voice from behind him.

“Of course,” Maryse wipes at her cheeks to get rid of the tears. No one can blame her for getting emotional tonight. “He’s all yours.”

“I truly hope so,” Magnus retorts teasingly and offers Alec his hand to pull him up for his seat. Alec smiles as he accepts it.

From all of the emotions today, he completely forgot that they’re supposed to announce their engagement. He’s not sure if he’s family will be able to take yet another emotional news today, but he guesses he’ll find out soon.

He expects Magnus to want to announce it now, but instead, his fiancé leads him a bit away from the crowd, to a quieter corner of the room. Alec frowns but lets him do as he pleases.

“I talked to mom,” Alec reveals after Magnus doesn’t speak for a few seconds. He’s not even able to hide his grin now “we’re going to give it a shot, the law firm I mean.”

“That’s great news, angel” Magnus takes him into his arms gently, smiling brightly at him, but there’s some nervous edge to it.

“Is everything okay?” Alec questions instantly.

“Everything’s perfect,” Magnus answers just as fast to dismiss his worries. He looks over Alec’s shoulder to the crowd that’s settled by the table there, letting out an exhale “I just wanted to go somewhere quieter, because I want to give you something.”

“We agreed, no gifts-“ Alec tries with rebuke, but Magnus shakes his head and cuts in.

“It’s not a gift,” He clarifies, a small smirk tugging at the corners of his lips now “more like something I owe you.”

Alec frowns but then, after another letting out another nervous breath, Magnus pulls something from his pocket. It’s a small, velvet box and Alec finds himself gasping as he realises what must be inside.

Magnus opens it for him to reveal a beautiful, silver band with sapphires set evenly around it. Alec feels his eyes becoming glassy.

“If you haven’t changed your mind-“ Magnus starts but Alec’s snort interrupts him.

“Of course I haven’t,” He says, almost offended, but Magnus only chuckles.

“So, may I?” He takes the ring out of the box and offers his hand.

“Yeah,” Alec’s voice sounds incredibly quiet and breathless as he rests his palm above his fiancé’s. Magnus gently takes it, tenderly sweeping his thumb around the place where the ring is about to be set as if for the last time admiring Alec’s bare fingers. He’s not planning on taking this one off, or any other that may come in the future, as long as it’s Magnus who slides them onto his fingers.

When the ring is settled onto his finger, Magnus lifts his palm to his lips and kisses it softly, the gestures making Alec tear up yet again. He stares at the ring, his engagement ring, for a while longer, admiring it and then something hits him.

He’s already seen this ring, or a very familiar one, same colour and the little diamonds… it takes him a moment, but then he realises that it was in Magnus’ box. In a box full of his mother’s things, her jewellery.

“Magnus…” Alec starts as he finally regains his voice. The tears in his eyes are mirrored by Magnus’ now too. His fiancé only nods, already reading the question Alec was about to ask. Alec shakes his head a bit “but… you said it was too personal to wear.”

“For me,” Magnus agrees, his fingers brushing against the ring again. He takes a moment to admire it on Alec’s finger to “but it belonged to someone I loved so I thought that I should keep it this way.”

Alec can’t help but let the tears fall now. He’s speechless, no words are able to describe what he feels right now, the love, the trust they hold within each other. His heart is going to burst any second now.

So lacking any words, he pulls Magnus into the kiss, hoping that his fiancé’s ability to read his thoughts and feeling without actual words won’t fail him now.

And judging by the way Magnus clings onto him too, eagerly returning the kiss, he guesses that Magnus knows.

He’s always known.

When they part, Magnus wipes Alec’s tears gently, but his cheeks are not dry either. They just stare at each other, smiling like idiots but it’s still perfect.

“I love you, Alexander,” Magnus says, the words holding the same great meaning as they always do.

“I love you too,” Alec’s voice isn’t as strong as he’d want it to be, definitely not as strong and powerful as the words, but for Magnus, it’s enough.

“Alec-“ Suddenly Alec hears his name being called from behind him. Still, in Magnus’ arms, he turns lightly to see his sister, but as perceptive as she is, she probably notices what may be going on “wait.” She clogs out as her eyes settle on Alec’s palm that’s braced on Magnus’ shoulder. A grin begins to overcome her face, but there’s still a question in her eyes.

Alec pulls out his palm towards her and nods, not trusting his voice to speak now.

“Oh my God, finally!” Isabelle exclaims and launches herself at her brother.

“She helped me with the ring, made some needed alterations” Magnus whispers to Alec as Izzy clings onto him “she’s been waiting the whole evening for this.” He adds with a laugh.

“Don’t be mad Magnus told me,” Isabelle says when she pulls back from him “he just wanted you to have something special and when he brought this ring to me this morning-“

“Wait, this morning?” Alec questions shocked. He remembers now, Magnus being dressed as he woke up, claiming that he went shopping… He turns to his fiancé with a disbelieving gaze. Magnus shrugs.

“Surprise, darling,”

He couldn’t be annoyed, even if he tried.

It’s another weird, but good weird sensation washing over him as he looks at the ring again. It kind of connects both of their histories. A part of Magnus’ mother’s legacy, always on his finger, transformed by Isabelle, his sister, it means so much to him that another wave of tears hits him.

“What’s going on here?” Jace's voice sounds as he approaches them, frowning confusingly. Izzy’s excited squeal must have drawn the attention of the others since most of them are beginning to come closer.

Alec shares a silent gaze with Magnus, both of them smiling from ear to ear, traces of tears probably still visible on their cheek. Alec shows his palm yet again for the rest to see.

Clary is the first one to react, as a high-pitched noise escapes her. Jace continues to frown, but Alec sees the exact moment his sight focuses on the ring, his whole expression changing instantly. When he looks up at his brother, there are tears in his eyes.

“Brother…” His whisper is barely audible as he steps closer to hug Alec tightly. They stay in their embrace for a long while, Jace sniffling when he pulls back. He eyes Magnus next and without further ado, sweeps him up in a hug too.

And then yet again a wave of congratulations breaks through the air, this time for the both of them. Maryse just can’t seem to stop crying into Luke’s shoulder even as she’s congratulated them at least three times. Magnus shares an emotional moment with Ragnor, both of them whispering something to each other he can’t quite catch. He’s never seen the doctor get so emotional, his stoic façade finally fading as he observes the happiness on his best friend’s face.

When the emotional atmosphere calms down a little, they move back to the table, where Alec and Magnus share the story of Magnus' actual proposal yesterday. Alec’s glad that no one decides to kill him for not telling them right away. Everyone laughs and smiles, and interrupts with their reactions or some funny comments and again, it’s messy and loud and Alec wouldn’t have it any other way.

A while later, while Izzy and Jace are fighting over best man’s spot and Ragnor prides himself that he’s of course already claimed this place, the conversations switch to the topic of wedding, a thousand questions being thrown at them. None of them they can actually answer now, they have absolutely nothing figured out, but they both know that there’s no rush. They have all the time in the world.

When he and Magnus eventually leave the restaurant, with yet another, an endless wave of best wishes, still giddy with emotions, they lace their fingers tightly together on the way to the car. Settling inside, Magnus exhales heavily in the driver’s seat, he turns to Alec and suddenly, they both burst out laughing. It’s a real, true laugh, full of happiness.

“How are you feeling?” Magnus asks when they set on the way, his palm rubbing Alec’s thigh gently.

And what can Alec say? He’s so happy his heart could burst.

“Happy,” He answers truthfully to Magnus’ pleased hum.

“A graduate, lawyer, fiancé…” He trails off, his eyes settled on the road ahead of them, smile constantly present on his lips “what’s next, my love?”

Alec thinks the question through, but there’s actually only one right answer to that.

“Husband,” There’s no hesitation in his voice. This is what he wants. And maybe later, a father…

“I like the sound of that,” Magnus turns to him as the light turns red. Alec can’t resist but to lean closer and peck him on the lips, their smiles colliding again.

“I love you,” Yet again, he finds the simplicity of these words being the best way to sum up his feelings. Loving Magnus is simple, the simplest thing he’s ever done and that he’ll have the honour of doing for the rest of his life.

“I love you too, darling,” No hesitation, as always, the words are already on Magnus’ tongue, as soon as he hears them rolling of from Alec’s.

Resting their joined palms on the stick shift as they move again, but not before placing a kiss to Magnus’ palm first, Alec looks ahead of them, both metaphorically and literally.

There’s a long road in front of them, in life, in love. It’s probably as full of good as bad things, but they’ll get through everything together. They battled the demons of the past, they can deal with the future too. Alec has no doubts about it. All he needs, is Magnus by his side, the feeling’s mutual.

The happiness is overwhelming in the best way, the future looks bright, full of love. So there’s no other thing to do than to drive through it together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Let me know if you enjoyed it, what parts were your favourite? Comment below! And now onto the epilogue, where the journey ends...


	34. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some decisions for the future...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not gonna lie, a full-on fluff again and lots of family feels, but who's surprised? I always end on a happy note, you know me 🥰
> 
> A time jump, quite big let me add. I hope you'll enjoy this little insight into malec's future as much as I enjoyed writing it. It was so much fun 💕
> 
> Also, side note, a quick reminder that I'm not a lawyer or a social worker, so the processes may not be acurate. 
> 
> Thank you all so much again and enjoy the read!

_3 years later_

“I immediately thought of you.”

Catarina’s words ring in Magnus’ head, but he’s too busy observing Alec’s reaction to pay much attention to her. But his friend is definitely smiling, a hopeful note clinging onto her tone.

Alec looks at him, equally confused. He came to the hospital right after a meeting with a client, so he’s still in his formal atelier, a navy blue suit paired with a white shirt, but he must have lost the tie along the way here since it’s unbuttoned at his collar.

But he could wear anything, or nothing at all, and Magnus would still consider his husband the most handsome man in the world.

In the end, it’s Alec who breaks the tense silence as he speaks.

“Can we think about it?”

“Of course,” Catarina instantly agrees. She nods, her smile not fading a bit “but maybe you’d like to see him?”

Magnus looks at his husband again and without any words spoken out loud, a skill that they’ve mastered at during the last few years, they reach an agreement. Magnus gives Cat a sure nod and then she’s leading them in a direction where Magnus assumes the little boy must be.

Catarina called him when he returned home, saying that she’s got exciting news. As she started explaining, Magnus couldn’t really make up why there was so much stirring in her voice because, to be honest, the story is kind of terrible.

Last night, while she was having a night shift, someone left a baby on the hospital’s doorstep. A little boy, an infant, his eyes barely opened, tiny arms stretched out in a search of some warmth. Catarina immediately took the boy into her arms and asked the nearest doctor to check on him. Magnus supposes that it is fortunate if the baby was left in such place, but it’s still terrible that someone would do that to their own child. He remembers shaking his head with consternation as the nurse recalled this story.

The boy turned out to be fine, besides a slight case of hypothermia. The problem is with his parents. There was nothing left with the baby, only him wrapped in a blue blanket.

_That’s when you come in_, Catarina said over the phone earlier today.

She knows that he and Alec have been discussing children but it was nothing solid yet. Yes, they both want it. The question is, is it the right moment.

“He’ll have to stay under the observation for a few more days,” Catarina carries on as they walk “after that we’ll have to give him up for adoption or to a child care home.”

Magnus nods, lacing his fingers with Alec as his husband sends him a warm smile. The golden rings on their fingers cling together satisfyingly. But Magnus can notice the unsure expression on his face. He chooses not to comment on it yet.

“That is of course if you decide not to take him,” Cat informs as they come to a stop in front of a room with a big glass window, inside some infants are settled in their cribs “we can handle the adoption within the hospital if you agree. Similar as we did with me and Madzie,” She reminds Alec, who’s been a great help to Catarina back then, with his legal knowledge “I can’t actually let you in but, he’s the one in the middle, the third crib.” She points out at the baby in the middle of the room.

Magnus and Alec take a step closer, with Catarina stepping back to give them space. Magnus stares at the boy, he truly is tiny, still a little pale after everything he’s been through but his hair is wildly black. He seems to be asleep, his little lips parted, nose adorably scrunched.

“He’s beautiful,” Magnus hears Alec’s voice from his side. He turns to him, meeting his eyes, and as he does, Alec blushed as if embarrassed for letting the words slide. Magnus only lets a smile tug at the corner of his lips as the turn back to look at the baby.

“You’ve got all the time you want,” Catarina reminds them “but it would just be easier, for you and the boy, if you decided before he has to leave the hospital. Getting him from place to place is just not a good idea.”

“Yeah, that’s understandable,” Magnus admits as he and Alec turn back to the nurse. With one more look at his husband, Magnus continues “we’ll think this through and get back to you with what we decided.”

“Of course,” Catarina smiles, nodding again.

They exchange quick goodbyes and soon, he and Alec are back in the car on the way home.

They drive in silence, none of the bringing up the subject of possible adoption yet, but Magnus knows that it will stay heavy on his mind now. He stares at the road ahead of them, hands gripping the steering wheel tightly, his thoughts already all over the place, but he tries to sort them out, at least until they get home and talk more properly.

“How was your day?” Magnus prompts, trying to steer the conversation, and their thoughts, to a different subject for a while. He lays his palm on Alec’s thigh soothingly.

“Good,” Alec exhales heavily “we’re closing the case with Lydia.”

“The Morgenstern one?” Magnus inquires.

“Yeah,” He catches Alec nod in the corner of his eye.

That case was a rough one, Magnus can recall. Alec’s spent hours, even after work, in his little home office, trying to find the most incriminating evidence pointing at the man’s fault.

It took some time for him and Maryse to settle their own company. The work they did during the first year after Alec graduated was fulfilling, but still, their office was basically Maryse’s apartment and Alec’s office space at home. He and his mom with Lydia spent countless hours plotting in the loft’s living room, figuring out cases and trying to set up to the company. Eventually, they did it, Magnus never doubted they would, and Ouroboros Law took shape.

But it wasn’t easy. Alec had to balance work with planning the wedding and there were difficult times. It still took them basically a year after their engagement to finally have the wedding of their dreams, but there was never any rush. It was better to wait than to have a wedding that wasn’t planned perfectly from cover to cover.

Still, Magnus took most of the planning on himself, seeing how exhausted Alec was with work and going back and forth to the company building that was being renovated back then to supervise that. He still tried to be helpful, they manoeuvred hours for the meetings with florists, chefs, decorators, so they fitted Alec’s work hours and they managed.

Their wedding was definitely an event of the decade, for Magnus at least. There was crying and laughing, dancing and drinking, in reasonable amounts.

It might have been some time since Magnus had any episodes of using alcohol as a coping mechanism, but he still is careful. Only drinks occasionally, like at their wedding, a few glasses of champagne were okay, but he still kept to his known limits. Besides a few times other than that, he hasn’t touched alcohol since the situation with his father. His memories rarely return to those days and that’s for the better. He’s got his incredible family by his side now, he doesn’t need anything more.

“What about you?” Alec shoots back the question. “Everything okay?”

“Oh yes, everything is great,” Magnus replies with an easy smile “Aline and Helen are still on their honeymoon, but Elias and his team are handling things quite well.”

Alicante’s team has surely broadened for the last few years. They’ve settled new headquarters in a few different states and the company is growing quite rapidly. This, of course, called for a bigger team and Raphael with Magnus took it upon themselves to take care of that. In the process, Alicante’s New York branch got itself a few new scientists too.

Soon, he and Alec arrive home. After making a quick change into some more comfortable clothes, Magnus makes them tea and they both settle on the couch, the air around them heavy with the weight of the conversation they’re about to have.

And of course, none of them seems to know how to start.

It feels ridiculous, but Magnus can recall the times when talking about the wedding seemed the same. It’s always the most difficult to begin, then the rest will flow.

“So…” Magnus says after taking a sip of his tea and resting the mug on the coffee table. Alec follows the move to and his cup lands next to Magnus’ with a quiet tap that still sounds louder than it should “a baby?” He prompts hesitantly.

“Yeah…” Alec trails off, clearly not sure what to say.

Magnus doesn’t know what to make out of his expression. Back at the hospital, he seemed quite hesitant, it’s probably time to discuss those doubts.

“Okay,” Magnus sits up a bit straighter and takes a deep breath “are we ready?”

Alec takes his time replying.

“I-, I think we should review if we are,” He speaks eventually. Magnus frowns a little. Alec sighs, shifting on the couch, trying to let some tension go “We’re stable, like financially I mean.”

“Yeah, the law firm is doing great,” Magnus agrees.

“Right, and Alicante is not bad either,” Alec points out to which Magnus nods.

In that sense, they seem to be ready. They have enough income to ensure prosperity for another person, a baby.

But there are also other aspects.

“We have the space,” Alec continues.

“Do we?” Magnus prompts, a bit cautiously.

“We’d have to transform the office to a nursery, but I think that’s a sacrifice we’re ready to make,” Alec states, he sounds a bit more confident now.

“Yeah, right.” Magnus approves. It was mostly Alec using the room anyway, so if he would be willing to get rid of it, Magnus can support it. They have their own offices at the company building anyway now. “We love each other,” Magnus says next because he wants his baby to grow with a loving family that they are, that’s what the little boy deserves. What every child deserves.

Begin married for almost two years hasn’t changed a lot for them, besides the fact that now they get to call each other husbands. It’s still the same rush every time he sees Alec, even if he’s just returning home in the evening, still the same passion when they come together, still the same, powerful love that got them through so many hard times.

“Of course, yes,” Alec says with no hesitation, reaching for Magnus’ hand and squeezing it gently. As he looks back at his husband, he finds him smiling.

Then it fades slightly because Magnus reminds himself of the reason why he’s so hesitant.

“What if I’m…” He starts unsurely. Alec gives him an encouraging nod “what if I’m a bad father?” He questions and bites his lip. “I mean, I didn’t really have a good father figure. What if I turn out to be-“

“Don’t even finish that sentence,” Alec interrupts him, he looks almost offended at the thought that Magnus may even compare himself to Asmodeus. But he can’t know. None of them can, it’s a new situation. “Magnus,” Alec begins firmly, but still soft “baby, I saw you with Madzie, I… I saw you with Max, and all the other kids at Idris. There is no way you could be like him. You are a caring, selfless, attentive man. You are going to be an amazing father, I’m sure of it.”

Magnus finds himself almost blushing at Alec’s words. But he’s right. He can’t let Asmodeus impact his life in any way. He’s nothing like him, and will never be.

“You’re right,” He admits, looking back at Alec “I’m sorry, I just-“

“No, babe. It’s good we’re bringing up everything we may be worried about when it comes to this. It’s a big step,” Alec states truthfully “but if you’re thinking about it like this, then think about my father. Would you ever consider me a man of his sort?”

“What? Of course not, Alexander,” This time Magnus’ voice comes out almost offended, his whole face scrunching up in anger. Alec is no similar to Robert, not even a little bit, it’s absurd to-

Then it comes to him, his face falling into an understanding.

“We’re not our fathers,” Alec says softly, but there’s an amazing honesty in this statement “we can do better than them. We will do better.” He assures.

“We will,” Magnus agrees with a smile.

“So,” Alec picks back up “we’re ready.” He states and Magnus nods. “Are we sure we want this?”

Alec’s lips form into a thin line as if he’s still considering everything, even the littlest things. It is a big step if they decide to adopt, there is no going back. They have to be sure.

Magnus takes his time too. His head is full of scenarios for the future. Some good, some bad, but the one that overshadows them, is this. The future that he’s always wanted to have, a husband by his side with their child in his arms.

“I want this,” Alec’s voice pulls him out of his thoughts as he decides. His husband looks at him like he is afraid of Magnus’ answer and the power the words he’s just spoken hold “but we can still wait,” He assures “there’s no rush and-“

“Alexander,” Magnus chooses to put him out of his misery, a smile slowly stretching across his features “I want this too.” He admits.

Alec visibly relaxes, an audible, relieved exhale escaping his lips.

“Really?” He inquires, his eyes shining.

“Yeah,” Magnus replies, feeling equally emotional as Alec’s face is now.

“Yeah?” His husband still disbelieves, but Magnus is powerless to speak now, a lump forming in his throat. He doesn’t trust his voice to work now, so he only nods. Alec’s smile widens.

“We’re going to have a baby,” Alec testes out these words, they still sound kind of questioning.

“We’re going to have a baby,” Magnus echoes, trying for his voice not to witter.

None of them seems to keep their emotions at bay anymore and they rush forward, they’re lips meeting in a kiss. There are tears and laughs and everything feels perfect, as it always feels with Alec.

When they pull back, Magnus caresses his face softly. His Alexander, his future and his love.

“I love you,” He says, wiping the residues of Alec’s tears from his cheeks.

“I love you too,” Alec’s reply comes in a wet voice. They both smile again, but Magnus doesn’t think there are words to describe how he feels now. It’s like everything he’s been secretly dreaming of is becoming true. First, he got Alec, the chance to be with him, to marry him, to have someone who will always support him, always by his side, and now he’s going to start a family with him. Something he’s always wanted, but didn’t believe he could have.

Now it’s right in front of him.

“We’re really doing this?” He can’t help but ask, it feels like his head is spinning from happiness.

“We are,” Alec replies, taking a steadying breath, still keeping him close “together.”

Magnus smiles and once more is hit with this feeling that as long as Alec is near, he can do anything.

“Together.”

The few days, when the emotions die down a bit, Magnus and Alec organize a dinner at the loft, which isn’t anything out of the ordinary. For as long as they both can remember, they’ve tried to have some weekly gatherings with their family, it only increased when they got married.

So today, everyone is here, minus Aline and Helen who are still basking in their just married state at their honeymoon trip. Lydia and John decided to take a little vacation too. She’s been working really hard recently, so her boyfriend decided it’s time to relax. Same as Alec, Lydia needs the force to take her down to the ground when she’s in her working haze. John became that for her.

Izzy and Simon recently got back from basically an around the world trip slash tour that Simon finally ventured on with his second album that became a hit. And since Izzy took on more of a consulting role at the lab she’s working in as a forensic pathologist, she was able to join her fiancé on tour, not as the first time when Alec and Magnus had to listen to her vent about how much she misses him. But Simon did make it up to her, proposing in probably the most romantic city a few months ago, Paris that it. The ring still shines beautifully on Izzy’s finger.

Jace and Clary have been up to a lot too. Her art has become more popular within the most famous art critics and she frequently exposes her work at various art galleries, gaining even more recognition, while Jace is fulfilling his dream of becoming a personal trainer, and leads a self-defence class for all ages, from children to elder people. He’s doing pretty good too.

Luke and Maryse seem to take it step by step, but they have moved in together some time ago. Idris is still keeping up, recruiting more and more people, organizing events that Simon is happy to play at, just as Clary is to pass her works for the noble cause. Luke has been incredibly supportive during the whole process of forming Ouroboros Law, offering bits of advice since he’s been through something similar with setting up Idris.

Madzie has grown so much recently that every time Magnus sees her, he feels like she’s taller. It’s still so amazing to watch her become a young woman. As much as it is to watch Catarina beautifully fulfilling her duties as a mother.

They’re all seated around the living’s room table and soon, Ragnor, Raphael and Dot arrive. All of them still keep up with their workaholic tendencies. It became even worse after Raphael made Dot his second in command and they handle all the business together. And Ragnor is… well, Ragnor is Ragnor, always married to his job, Magnus gave up on trying to change that.

The dinner goes smoothly and except a few curious looks that Izzy and Jace throw at their brother, probably noticing that there’s something nervous about him today, no one seems to be too bothered. Everyone enjoys the chatter and laughs going around the table.

Magnus shares a look with Alec and they both decide that it’s the time. As Magnus clears his throat, loudly, everyone’s attention turns to him.

“We’d like to announce something,” He says, receiving another nod from his husband.

A curious silence falls around everybody, only Catarina seems to barely be conceiving her grin.

“You’ve decided,” She more states than asks, looking from Alec to Magnus.

“We have,” Alec admits with a smile.

“Decided what?” Jace asks, eyeing his brother curiously.

“Alexander and I,” Magnus begins, taking yet another deep breath. Or maybe it is a pause for dramatic measures… “we decided to adopt a baby.” He reveals, not able to hide his smile anymore.

The silence remains before everyone erupts into waves of cheers.

“Oh my God, I’m going to be an aunt!” Isabelle basically yells while clinging onto Alec’s neck, crushing him in a hug. Maryse starts to cry at the other side of the table, Luke is beaming at her side, wrapping his arm around her.

“This is the best news,” Jace exclaims, tears evident in his eyes too. Yet again Magnus is amazed how he and Alec seem to communicate without any words like their looks say more than any words could.

“It’s been a long time coming, amigo” Raphael retorts, but he’s actually grinning too.

“We’ve all expected it at some point,” Dot adds softly.

Maryse is next to embrace them both in a tight hug, then Luke and then the rest of their family. Ragnor always appears to stay a bit on the outside, but Magnus knows that his happiness is endless too. He sees it in his smile, it’s enough of a prove he needs. He’s always been an observer, that’s why he’s so perceptive, but Magnus sees how moved he is.

His eyes seem to be saying what they always say when Magnus is next to Alec. _He’s good for you_.

Magnus knows that he’s always known.

The rest of the evening passes by on a lot of baby questions, arguments about who’s going to become the godparents and what colour to paint the nursery. Catarina recalls the whole story about how they came to this decision and what pushed them towards it. Magnus supposed it had to be some sign that the baby appeared now, just as they were ready.

Magnus sits with his arm wrapped around Alec, basking in the beaming happiness that erupts from him. And he comes to the conclusion that their baby will grow with an amazing, supportive family around him. That’s all Magnus wants.

It takes some time to settle all of the adoption formalities, but when your husband is a lawyer, it’s still quicker than the normal rate of waiting time. So a few weeks later, they find themselves almost ready for the baby to arrive. The whole family got involved in renovating the office to become a nursery. Luke, who has experience in redecorating from helping in Maryse’s apartment… Seems to be the leading man, throwing orders left and right. Painting the walls is done and now it comes to just arranging the furniture that Alec and Magnus chose and bought earlier this week and that Jace and Alec had a hell of a time putting together last night.

Magnus is supervising the whole thing while Alec and Maryse are meeting some client. Soon they return, and as Magnus watches Izzy shout at Luke and Jace that the frames on the wall are not placed evenly he feels a pair of arms wrap around him.

“How is it going?” Alec places a kiss to his cheek, resting his chin on Magnus’ shoulder and observing the scene in front of them with a brief laugh.

“Almost done,” Magnus replies and turns in his embrace to face him and give him a proper welcome home kiss “how was work?”

“Tiring, I’m glad I have a few days off now,” Alec admits.

Tomorrow they’re picking up their son so Alec decided he’s going to take some days off to be there for the first days, same as Magnus.

Magnus hums and kisses his husband again to comfort him.

“Now you can relax,” He retorts, which he’s not sure is true. He knows that with a little baby around it will be hard to relax, but it’s a different kind of work. Something that Magnus is excited about. Maryse has been giving them advice on how to handle it at the start, but Magnus is sure they will figure it out in practice “by the way, Izzy and Clary went shopping and bought us some clothes for the baby.”

“That’s so nice of them,” Alec says softly. They’ve been collecting some of the essential stuff for the last week, but their family has also gifted them a lot of most needed things. And Isabelle seems to have a thing for baby clothes recently… They’ve already warned Simon “I’ll make sure to thank her later.”

“You can thank her now, she’s right there shouting at your brother,” Magnus reminds him laughingly.

“Yeah, but well, now I’m holding my husband so…” Alec trails off teasingly. Magnus shakes his head amusingly, but doesn’t protest when Alec’s kissing him, only smiles against his lips “by the way,” Alec says when they part “Josh sends his regards. He and Ryan are clearly enjoying their little Bali getaway…” He states with a smug smile, that Magnus easily mirrors. “I’ll show you the pictures he sent me later.”

“Can’t wait,” Magnus caresses his husband’s cheeks lightly and leans in for another quick peck.

Josh and Ryan are still new, but it’s good. Alec keeps mentioning how happy his friend is now, how he began to open up for the idea of relationship again. He’s still careful, but Ryan is more than patient with him. It’s truly great to see him taking his shot at happiness too. He deserves it so much, after everything that he’s been through.

“Last moments of freedom,” Maryse says jokingly as she passes them “with a baby around you’ll need to be more alert…” She winks.

“I think we’re going to handle it just fine, mom,” Alec answers with an equally teasing note in his voice.

But the truth is, they will handle this, they will learn and probably make mistakes but they have an amazingly supportive family around, that’s always ready to help. They’re basically unstoppable.

There’s something incredibly moving about seeing Alec with their son in his arms. Magnus barely holds back the tears, when Alec gently picks the boy up from the crib, holding him to his chest with such tenderness, as if afraid he’d break him.

The adoption has been mostly handled through the hospital so that’s where the boy was staying for the time being until everything got settled. Catarina came into the room with them to clear out any doubts and the rest of formalities that may have appeared.

“Alright, everything is settled,” She retorts and smiles at them “just one more thing,” The nurse looks at some document in her hand “you didn’t state a name.”

Both Alec’s and Magnus’ eyes widen.

They’ve been discussing names, but haven’t actually settled on any. Since there was no information on the boy, they were told they can choose a name. But they got too swept up with preparing everything for the baby to arrive that they forgot to name their own son. Magnus begins to seriously doubt if they’re ready for this whole parents experience…

But then it hits him. There’s only one name that fits. But one that he hasn’t suggested to Alec earlier…

He sees that his husband is about to speak and probably try to explain them, but he stops him before he can say anything.

“Yeah, we’ve been kind of all over the place with all of the formalities,” He says and Cat offers him kind of a sympathetic gaze. Magnus exhales and looks at Alec for a second. His husband is clearly confused, but when Magnus sees him holding the little boy… He knows he’s doing the right thing. He turns back to Catarina “put in Max, as the name.”

Alec doesn’t say anything but his head snaps back up from where he’s been looking at the baby and his expression says enough. Tears begin to shine in his eyes and he smiles as they spill onto his cheeks. Magnus is not the verge of crying now too.

“It’s perfect,” Alec states, his voice thick.

Catarina squeezes Magnus’ shoulder, passing him the last files and leaves with a smile on her face, giving them some privacy to share this moment.

Magnus comes closer, wrapping his arms around his husband and looking down on their soon in his arms.

“Hi, Max,” He whispers. Max has his eyes closed, his breathing measured so he must be asleep. Magnus reaches out and touches his little hand, caressing it gently “we’re going home.”

They are, but not yet. Magnus wants to take his time, to remember this moment, when they became parents officially, took another serious step into building up their future. As a family.

When he looks back at Alec, the emotions on his face are priceless. He still smiles through his tears and Magnus smiles back, bringing a hand to cup his husband’s face.

“Thank you,” Alec says with such pure honesty “I love you.” The simplicity of these words never seem to fail them, the power of these three little words.

“I love you too. That’s the only right name,” Magnus retorts, his thumb sweeping along Alec’s cheek lovingly “and I love you too, little one.” He tells Max.

“I love you both,” Alec looks down on their son, but then meets Magnus’ gaze again “so much.”

The smiles don’t come off of their faces. Magnus rests his head against Alec’s shoulder, both of them immersed by the view as Max shifts lightly in his blanket. Then he opens his eyes and seems to be inspecting the faces above him.

_Well, he better get used to them_, Magnus thinks jokingly.

But the baby doesn’t cry, and maybe Magnus imagines it but he could swear that he sees a hint of smile pass through Max’s lips, only for a short second, but it was there.

He brings Alec a bit closer and together, they just stare at the boy, amazed by how they’ll get to see this little one grow. They’ll be by his side no matter what, always supportive and loving.

They will be better, they’ll give him better than what they got from their fathers. It’s a task they won’t fail, not when they’re doing this together.

“And this is your room,” Magnus holds Max in his arms and lets him inspect the space. He doesn’t seem interested, more attracted to the many necklaces resting on his father’s chest as he tries to grab them with his palms.

Magnus has spent the last half of an hour showing Max around the house, with Alec following in tow and chuckling softly.

“I don’t think he’s actually that aware yet to grasp all that,” Alec states laughingly and Magnus throws him a fake-offended gaze.

“See? Daddy doesn’t think you’re smart enough,” He coddles to Max instead, but his smile betrays him.

“Of course not,” Alec comes closer to him and looks down on their son, wrapping his arms around Magnus from behind “you’re going to be the smartest child.”

It’s Magnus’ turn to chuckle as he looks up at his husband with a tender smile. Both of them constantly find themselves just staring at Max, in whoever’s arms he’s in as if they can’t believe that he’s actually theirs now.

They decided to take it slow, get a few days alone for Max to get used to the new space of their home, then they’re going to slowly let their family visit, not too much at once, not to overwhelm the baby. They still need to get a hang of it too. Max appears to be a quiet baby, but Magnus is sure he’s going to give them some hard time later on.

But one thing is sure, he’s never going to get tired of holding their son in his arm and admiring Alec’s soft smile and shiny eyes every time he looks at Max. It’s basically the same look he gives Magnus like he was the world’s most valuable treasure.

“Okay, I think we should feed him,” Alec retorts then “it’s been like three hours.”

Alec has been engrossed into reading all of the guides for parents and didn’t shy away from asking Maryse for advice, which also resolved in Magnus getting to find out even more details from Alec’s childhood that he’ll never let his husband hear the end of.

“I’ll get the milk ready,” Alec says and walks off to the kitchen.

Magnus isn’t sure if he should be nervous, but he kind of is. It’ll be their first time feeding him on their own. Catarina made sure to give them some tips at the hospital too, but it feels a bit different. They’ll have to do in on a daily basis, so they’ll get used to it, but the first time is always stressful.

When Alec gets back with the bottle they settle in the nursery, in the armchairs that they’ve located near the window. Magnus passes Max to Alec, knowing that he kind of has more experience when it comes to this. He’s been taking care of his siblings since he was young. But Magnus suspects that he’s just a natural too. He’s a born caretaker.

Yet again, Magnus finds himself immersed by the view. Alec is so gentle and delicate with him, cradling him in his arms and telling stories, about their family, about some made-up adventures. Max looks up at him with shiny eyes, totally intrigued by what he’s seeing.

“Look at your papa, he’s staring,” Alec comments and Magnus shakes his head to elude his thoughts “kind of creepy…” Alec smirks down on Max.

“I am not creepy,” Magnus protests, but the corners of his lip quirk “I’m simply just enjoying the view of my beautiful family.” He shrugs.

The smile Alec offers him now is genuine.

“We have a lot to get used to now,” He starts lightly, still smiling down on Max “I mean, changing our whole routines and everything…” He sighs.

“Yeah, but we’re gonna handle it,” Magnus assures and squeezes Alec’s knee reassuringly.

“Of course,” He agrees, but Magnus sees that something’s bothering him. He gives him a bit of time and as expected, Alec speaks after a moment “I’m just scared I’m going to have a bad day, for whatever reason, and I won’t be able to take care of him.” He admits.

He and Alec developed quite a system to lower his level of anxiety and limit any factors that may cause him to fall into any depressive episodes. It is mostly based on routine, exercising, balanced diet, good sleeping schedule… They’re both aware that it will have to change now with the baby. They’ve discussed it, but he can’t blame Alec for being worried. Magnus even asked Ragnor for some tips on what more they can do.

“Hey, then I am here,” Magnus reminds him “you are allowed to feel bad some days. That’s why we’re together in this, to support each other, and lift the other up when he’s down.

“I know, I know,” Alec says with a sigh “I guess I’m just… thinking about everything. I mean, I am happy. God, I am so happy I could shout it from the rooftops, but… I’m more than aware that worse days can come and I just want to be ready to handle them. And not disappoint you, any of you.” He adds as he looks down on the baby in his arms.

Magnus gets up and walks over to him to sit down on the arm of Alec’s armchair and bring his arm around him lightly.

“Then I’m here to help. I’m not going anywhere, darling,” He prompts warmly “I don’t ever want you to hide, okay? We’re going to figure out whatever may come crashing on us, together. And you are so strong, angel. Always remember that.” He runs his hand through Alec’s hair as his husband leans into him a bit more and they both lean over the baby.

“Thank you,” Alec says, his voice purely genuine. Magnus is not sure what he’s thanking for, because he really doesn’t have too, but he takes it. He drops a kiss on top of Alec’s head as a reminder that he’s always going to be by his side. Like they’ve promised each other so many times over the years, like it was stated in their wedding vows. Alec seems to grasp the meaning, and yet again, they don’t need words to tell each other how much they love each other.

Magnus gently opens the front door, letting in the visitors, but gesturing with his finger to his lips for them to be quiet and smoothly, they all come in.

Izzy still beams with excitement, same to Clary by her side. Jace and Simon try to appear unbothered, but Magnus can see that they’re agitated to finally meet their nephew too. Ragnor as always is the calmest one, but he offers Magnus a genuine smile paired with a nod as he enters. Maryse is grinning, basically buzzing with Luke trying to keep her calm by his side.

“Please, be quiet, he’s just fallen asleep,” Magnus informs as he leads them to the living room, where Alec is seated on the couch with Max.

They’re already been through a few sleepless nights, so they grasp at any chance that Max is asleep to get some rest themselves. But today is finally the day where some part of their family gets to meet their son, and Magnus would be lying if he wasn’t happy with that.

“I don’t think he’s asleep anymore, Magnus,” Alec says, still in a quieter tone when they all emerge into the room where Max indeed seems to be taking in all of the new arrivals. His eyes opening widely, lips parting and nose scrunching.

“Oh my God,” Isabelle covers her mouth with her palm not to squeal too loud. She sits down next to Alec and admires the baby “he’s so beautiful.”

“He is, isn’t he?” Alec teases lightly and the rest laughs.

Everyone seems to just kind of stand in place and adore the baby in Alec’s arms. Magnus takes a seat next to his husband, tugging the blanket from where it’s fallen from Max’s little form. They all smile, looking at the newly made parents.

“Wait,” Jace starts then and breaks everyone out of their daze “but what’s his name?”

It’s not like they’ve been keeping it a secret, but Alec admitted that he’d want to see their family’s reaction to the name they’ve chosen. Sharing a look and a nod with Magnus, they finally decide to reveal it.

“His name is Max,” Alec states and everyone’s eyes snap back to him. Magnus looks after all of them, seeing how the little shock on their features quickly softens into the pure melting mood. As his eyes rest on Maryse, she’s barely holding back her tears. Isabelle already let a few of hers fall and Simon rests a comforting hand on her shoulder from where he’s standing over her. Jace sniffles as he leans into Clary’s side.

“Do you want to hold him?” Magnus offers Maryse, who quickly seems to put herself together and nod.

“Can I?”

“Of course,” He almost laughs. He makes her some space on the couch so Alec can pass her the baby.

“This is your grandma, Max,” Alec says as he hands him over with a smile. Maryse presses her lips together, desperately holding back the sob.

“He’s perfect,” She says, her voice wet with tears. She shares a silent gaze with Alec, but Magnus sees how it’s overflowing with emotion.

They still don’t want to overwhelm Max, so he stays in Maryse’s arms for a long while, before passing them to anybody. He’s still pretty calm, but soon Magnus comes into to intercept him and calm him down when he starts crying, holding him gently and pacing the room as the movement seems to relax him. It must be a lot of emotions for him too since he basically dozes of in Magnus’ arms.

“So…” Izzy starts casually, her voice low not to wake up the baby. She turns to Alec with a dashing smile “have you decided on the godparents?”

Alec throws Magnus a resigned look, but he only chuckles lightly. It’s been a torture for him to choose between his siblings and he took a good few days to think this over. Magnus had a hard time too, deciding between his friends, but in the end, he thinks he knew from the start.

Eventually, Alec nods at his sister.

“So…” Jace suddenly becomes interested in the conversation too.

“Ragnor,” Magnus starts and his friend turns to him, his eyebrow arching “would you do us the honour of becoming the godfather to our son?”

“I thought you’d never ask…” Ragnor trails off, but Magnus sees right through his smile. Then he speaks much more genuine “but seriously, I’ll be honoured.”

“And,” Alec begins then and his eyes rest on his sister “Izzy-“

“Yes, of course!” She exclaims before he even gets to finish the question. “I will be the most amazing aunt slash godmother, I swear.” She grins.

“I don’t doubt that,” Magnus assures her with a wink.

“Jace-,” Alec tries, but his brother waves him off.

“Brother, no worries,” He states with a shrug, but he’s speaking honestly. Then he smirks lightly “I’ll just wait for the next one…” He adds and the whole room burst into a warm laugh.

They spend the rest of the day discussing baby-related things. When Izzy finally manages to snatch her godson from Magnus’ arms she cues at him and talks to him in this special, soft baby voice. All of them admire the little boy, who sees to mostly be confused, but Magnus retorts that it’s not a bad reaction to his little, crazy family.

He and Alec finally get a moment of rest too, letting their family take care of their son for as long as they’re here. It gets exhausting, and it’s only the beginning, but Magnus wouldn’t change a thing. All of the sleepless nights are worth it and when one night he wakes up to the sound of Max’s laugh, even Alec isn’t annoyed when he shakes him awake.

If they ever need a break, they have basically an army of willing babysitters. But taking care of Max is the greatest gift Magnus could ever receive. Every day he gets to see something new, unexpected. Their son continues to surprise them in the best way.

“Tired?” Alec asks as he settles down on the couch next to Magnus, wrapping his arm around him and kissing him sweetly on the lips. Then his eyes return to their family fussing over Max and he laughs a little.

“Not so much,” Magnus shakes his head.

“Then how are you feeling?” Alec turns back to him with a question.

Magnus doesn’t hesitate to answer.

“Happy.”

They both smile as they continue to watch their family.

The sound of crying became the most common one, as it carries around the loft basically every night. Not only then, but nights seem to be the worst. Max is surprising calm during the day unless he’s hungry or needs to be changed, but at nights he seems to get bored and favoured waking up his parents until one of them just comes to him and sits there till he falls asleep again.

“It’s your turn,” Alec mumbles sleepily as he pokes Magnus into a rib. He barely resists a groan but drags himself from the bed to get to the nursery.

Almost as soon as he appears in the room, Max calms down a little, only weeping lightly now, kicking at the covers with his tiny legs till it completely rolls off of him.

“What is it, little one?” Magnus delicately lifts him up to rest him against his chest. “Did you miss your papa? I’m here now, love. Calm down.” He shushes softly, gently rocking him till he stops wailing.

But his son doesn’t seem to want to go back to sleep, as he stares at Magnus in the darkness with his shiny eyes.

“Not tired, are you?”

Max makes a bubbling sound and Magnus takes it as an agreement. He sights lightly.

“You must be sleeping too much during the day then, lucky you” He retorts and starts pacing the room, in hope that the movement will lull Max back to sleep. He’s not sure how long he’s been at it, but his son still doesn’t appear any less tired anyway. He twists his head around, taking in the room in the dark, the only source of light being the window, where the city lights shine through. When Max’s eyes find it, he makes a squeaking sound and starts to wiggle in Magnus’ arms.

“Alright, alright, we’ll go take a look,” Magnus states and walks them towards the window.

Max’s little lips part as he seems engrossed in the view of the city at night. His small palms bang softly at the window when Magnus holds him so he can face it fully. He smiles lightly, seeing the excitement in his son’s eyes.

He can’t help but think about the future. What will Max choose to do when he grows up? Would he want a brother or sister any time soon? Magnus would, if he’s being honest with himself, but it’s not only his decision to make. Will they manage to pass all of the most important values onto their son? Justice, honesty, trust, compassion… Magnus will do everything for him to get to know the importance of them. They will, they’ll do their best.

“It’s a beautiful city, isn’t it?” Magnus questions lightly.

“Not as beautiful as the men admiring it,” Comes a voice from the doorway and Magnus turns to see Alec there. His hair is tangled messily, his eyes fogged with sleep, pillow creases on his cheek… He's the most beautiful person Magnus has ever known.

“What are you doing here? Go back to sleep,” Magnus tries firmly, but his smile must be betraying him, since Alec shakes his head with amusement, chuckling under his breath.

“You were gone long,” He shrugs as he comes to wrap his arms around Magnus “I can’t sleep without you.”

It’s a lie, they both now it. Nowadays both of them grasp at any minute of sleep they can get. But Magnus appreciates his husbands attempt at the hopeless romanticism.

“Tell this to the little one here,” Magnus points with his head to Max “who just doesn’t seem to get the concept of sleeping at night.”

“A night owl like your daddy, aren’t you?” Alec leans in to kiss Max’s head. Magnus rolls his eyes fondly.

They stand in silence for a while, only Max’s quiet babbling breaking it at times. Magnus thinks Alec may be falling asleep on his feet, but then he begins to speak.

“Do you think we should tell Max where he got his name from one day?” He asks, his eyes focused on the city outside of the window, but Magnus sees the way his eyes become a bit glassy.

“Yeah,” He replies gently “one day we will recall all of the tales about his amazing uncle.”

Alec sends him a soft smile but then turns back to the window.

“Sometimes I wonder what he’d be thinking if he saw me now…” He basically whispers.

It might have been a lot of time, but still, not a day goes by when any thought of Max doesn’t cross their minds. Magnus will forever be thankful for the powers that be for bringing Alec into his life. Max was a big part of that, he’ll never forget that.

“He’d be proud of you,” Magnus tells him truthfully “happy for you.”

Alec’s smile gets kind of dreamy, Magnus knows that his thoughts must be returning to his baby brother.

“I’m so lucky I found you,” He says after a moment, turning back to Magnus “this,” He gestures at him and Max “is all I’ve ever wanted. You made this possible. I love you, so much.”

“As you’ve made for me, love,” Magnus states softly, one hand wandering to cup Alec’s face. His husband instantly leans into the touch “I love you too.”

Sometimes Magnus can’t help but dwell on the past, on how much they’ve been through, how much they suffered. But when he dives into this dark hole of these bad memories, he quickly reminds himself, that it’s all in the past, they fought and they won. Any demons of the past are now buried and forgotten. It’s the here and now, and the close future. Of them raising their son, possibly deciding on another baby, watching them grow, supporting each other.

A perfect relationship doesn’t exist, that’s something that might have come hard to Magnus, but that’s the truth. And he often found himself at how he just wanted everything to be perfect that he’d got too lost. There will be some dissonances, they will not always agree and that is totally okay because all they need is to talk it out slowly, a method that’s been working for them for the last few years.

For him, Alexander is perfect. He’s grown to even love the flaws that he certainly lacks. But Magnus also knows, that for Alec he is perfect. He doesn’t agree, and deep down he knows no one really is. But what they are, is perfect for each other, that’s for sure.

Magnus can’t imagine anything bad that could fall on them now, he wants to believe that they’ve used up all of their limits of bad luck. But whatever comes, they will be ready to fight it together.

With Alec by his side, he’ll fight everything. They are the strongest when they’re together, whatever tried to break them, always failed. It proves how strong their love is. Sometimes it’s unbelievable how much it can take.

Future used to be a scary concept, but now that Magnus is basically living his dreams, he retorts that it’s not bad. Not bad at all.

It’s perfect.

So standing by the window, watching the always busy streets of New York, with his husband by his side and their son in his arm, he still can’t believe how lucky he’s got. But he’ll take it, he finally realised that he deserved it. Everyone does.

Because that is the future Magnus and Alec fought for. It was always worth fighting for. And now that it’s here, none of them would change a thing. They’ll take it with all the rights and wrongs, good or bad. They’ll face it all together, and they will win.

The future is theirs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed it 😊 Let me know your thoughts down below! 
> 
> So here it is! Your support for this story has been overwhelming in the best way, so thank you again! I really have no words to explain how happy it makes me. Thank you so much for following along, for leaving comments and kudos, your excitement has been truly amazing. Thank you for being patient and absolutely making my days with your lovely comments. I hope I gave you an ending that satisfies you ❤
> 
> Thank you and I hope to see you soon with some new stories!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed it and if you did, make sure to leave a kudo and let me know all of your thoughts in the comments :) New chapters will be coming out every Monday! You can always catch me on tumblr [little-fandom](https://little-fandom.tumblr.com/) and twitter [littlefandom4](https://twitter.com/littlefandom4) ;)


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